Sleeping alone was terrible. Or, tossing and turning in bed alone all night was terrible, because Harry didn't sleep. Dreamless Sleep Potion had appeared on the bedside table, but Harry had just looked at it. He was exhausted, but his body couldn't settle down enough for him to actually take it. He paced the small room for nearly an hour, checking the clock and listening to the door to see if he could hear Hermione. Of course, he couldn't. He didn't expect to, but a part of him wished she'd come to his room. This was the frustrating aspect of fighting with her - they were both too stubborn to apologize first. Right now, though, he knew that this wasn't what they needed. For some reason, Harry's anger had quickly deflated more than he was used to, and as much as he wanted to be angry, he wasn't.

Was this the product of that piece of Voldemort's soul that had been inside him dying? That's what had been controlling his anger all these years? Why he was so easily worked up? Why he got overwhelmed? And now that it was gone, he had no idea what to do with himself.

He looked at the clock - it was a little after 2 a.m., and he knew he had to take part of the blame this time. He quietly opened the door to his room and padded across the small space to Hermione's, knocking softly enough not to wake her if she happened to be asleep, but loud enough for her to hear it if she wasn't.

When Hermione answered, Harry had been right - she hadn't slept. Her eyes were still red, but now there were dark circles underneath them, and she looked like she was about to pass out from exhaustion any second, but her body wouldn't allow her.

"You didn't take your potion?" he asked as he stepped in and she closed the door behind him.

"You didn't either."

Even though Harry had had plenty of time to think over his words, here, in the dark with only a candle illuminating the room, it seemed much more difficult to talk in person. "I didn't want to go to bed feeling like this."

She sat down on the edge of her bed, looking up at him. "Like what?"

"Like the worst boyfriend in the universe. Like shit. Like the world's ended and I have no idea what to do next." He sat down next to her and reached for her hand. Thankfully, she didn't pull away.

"It's not all your fault, Harry. I was… I don't know why I said those things. I… honestly forgot you were still my boyfriend for a second. Does that make me a terrible person?"

"I don't think so. I think I forgot you were my girlfriend, too."

"Just because it's new, right?"

"Right." Harry took a breath. "So what is it that you were really upset about? I mean, besides Voldemort. It's weird for me too, believe me. I can't… when I think about the fact that I killed someone, no matter who it is, it makes me sick. Even that werewolf comes back sometimes. The one in Diagon Alley? I mean, it was self defense, and so was this, so I just try to think about that, but-"

"Why didn't you die?"

She was looking down at their hands, watching as her fingers played with his. They hadn't had a quiet moment like this in a while that didn't involve planning, researching, cooking, dueling. But Hermione still found she needed something to do with her hands. Staying still was too risky. Harry could feel it, too.

She wanted to know why he was still here. What he had done. How he had lied to her.

"Fleur… I asked her to help me protect myself."

Hermione's fingers stilled. "And you didn't tell me?"

"I knew you wouldn't want me to do it."

"Of course I would want you to, Harry!" she said incredulously. "You think I wouldn't do whatever it took to keep you safe?!"

"I…" It really did sound stupid when she said it out loud. How could he think she wouldn't be okay with it? "I thought you were hesitant about using runes and-"

"You used runes?" She finally pulled her hand from his to look at him. "Harry, you don't even know runes! And what does Fleur know about them? Why would you trust her over me when it comes to your life, Harry?!"

"It was her dad. He used a lot to protect her mum during the first war when… when she was getting threatened a lot for being part-Veela. I trust her, Hermione. You should too."

Hermione sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just… I'm upset that you went behind my back, Harry. And that you didn't even consult me to make sure it was okay to do with what we were doing! What did you even use?"

"Eihwaz," he answered.

"Of course," Hermione sighed. "Defense. I'll never forget it after fifth year. It makes sense." She shifted a little bit on the bed. "I would have done it for you, though."

"I know. I know you would have. It was stupid to not think that you would be willing. But you didn't even remember that rune or… or a lot, and she had to write to her dad to ask for his advice on which ones to use, so it wasn't like we could have done it quickly and I know we were running out of time-"

"Talking more about it isn't going to change my mind, Harry. You've done a lot of things over the years I haven't agreed with and I've gotten over it in time. This is no different, I'm sure."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

"Why would it be?"

"Because we're in a relationship and… that changes things."

"Maybe that's the problem, Harry."

"That we're in a relationship?"

"That I don't know how to be in one."

"And you think I do?" Harry chuckled. "I have no bloody idea what I'm doing. I just know that I want to be with you and I love spending time with you and snogging you and… everything else we do. We work well together and I enjoy talking with you."

"Do you?"

"Of course I do."

"Still?"

"What do you mean, still?"

Hermione shrugged. "I just… you know I've been worried about this, Harry. That once this was all over, everything would change."

"But you said you didn't want things to change, so why are you letting it?"

"Maybe I can't help it. I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I just know that with our bond gone, I feel like something's missing. You're missing."

"I'm right here, Hermione."

She shook her head. "It's different, and I can't explain it. It's like…"

"You feel the same way you do before we got together. Before we kissed. Last year."

"It doesn't feel like that, though. It feels worse."

"I'm missing two parts of my soul, Hermione. I've felt empty since I came back from the forest. That's why when we-"

"I know," Hermione interrupted. "You don't have to say it."

"I want to, though. I need to get it out." He took Hermione's pause as permission to continue. "When I died, I… I went to this… I'm not sure where it was, but I think it was some sort of limbo between life and death, and I think it was the rune that brought me there. But it looked like King's Cross, and the piece of Voldemort's soul was there, too, like a baby. Just this gross-looking shriveled version of Voldemort that had been sent there to die. At least, that's what Dumbledore said."

"You saw Dumbledore?"

Harry nodded. "He called me brave, but I didn't feel brave. I felt like a failure. I didn't know if I was really dead or not, but if I had been, it would have been over. I… I got the Resurrection Stone, but I didn't use it for myself."

"Wait, what?" Hermione turned to face him a little more. "The Resurrection Stone?! Are you sure? You found it?"

"It was inside the Snitch," Harry grinned, then it fell. "I had to accept the fact that I had to die in order to open it. That was the 'close' it was talking about. When I used it before I went to see Voldemort, I saw my parents and Sirius and Remus… they said the rune would work."

Hermione frowned. "What?"

"It didn't make sense to me, either, but I suppose it was my memories of them coming to life in a way. My parents said they knew about us and they love you and…" He swallowed hard, trying not to cry again. Hermione's hand found his and squeezed it tightly. "They said it would work. That it would protect me. I wanted to believe them, but I couldn't be sure, you know. So I just… walked off and faced Voldemort and I guess he didn't realize I was a horcrux. But Dumbledore said that I had a choice between… going on or going back. He knew about our bond, and that it was broken, but he didn't know why. He said you'd suffer if I didn't come back."

"Did you… think about not coming back?" Hermione asked carefully, and Harry shrugged.

"Maybe for a second, but just because I was ready to die didn't mean I wanted to. When I came back, though, I almost felt like I had died. I mean, Voldemort's piece of my soul was gone and your piece of my soul was gone, like I was half a person. And I thought… I thought that… having sex like that could get our bond back because I miss it now. Especially after I killed Voldemort, I couldn't feel anything. I wasn't sad or happy or angry anymore, but you… you were. God, I'm sorry, Hermione. I thought being with you like that would help me feel something again."

"And did it?"

"Yes. It always does. And the way that you…" Harry shifted a little as he relived the memory, "you needed me. You telling me what you need and me giving it to you. Something simple that I knew would make things right, at least in the moment. It's never felt like that before."

"I was hoping it would get our bond back, too. And… that the dopamine would make me forget that I was upset with you."

"And did it?"

"Yes. Very much so," she grinned quickly. "But when it was over…"

"It was like a crash."

Hermione nodded. "I loved it, though. I've… I've always loved when you get a little rough with me sometimes because…" she sighed, "someone else taking care of me for once instead of the other way around…"

"I will always take care of you, Hermione. In any way I need to whenever you need it." He wished they could be empty words for once, and that he wouldn't have to put his own needs aside to take care of her, but she'd done so much for him, she'd sacrificed so much for him. How could he ask her to feel this empty when there was something he could do to fix it? Not that it was one-sided, of course, but they had the space, they had the time, they had each other. And right now, there was no one else that was going to understand what the end of this war meant for them.

Hermione moved to swing a leg over Harry, straddling his lap, but hooking her ankles around his waist and hugging him tightly so that their torsos were pressed together as closely as possible before she finally relaxed. Harry could feel her heart beating against his chest, and after a moment, his own heartbeat slowed to match it. He hugged her back and rested his head on her shoulder, sighing. They could never sleep like this, but it was incredibly comforting for the moment, just breathing together and feeling each other.

"What do you think about when you conjure your Patronus?" Harry whispered.

"It used to be when I got my Hogwarts letter, but then… it was you. That moment I saw you after I woke up from being petrified and I just knew that you had solved my notes and figured out what you needed to do and… and you were the reason I had woken up. You'd saved my life. I had such a hard time trying in the Room of Requirement and then I looked over at you and something clicked. It's a combination of a lot of memories with you now."

"Even with the bad ones all mixed in there?"

"When I couldn't do it last night, I just… I felt so bad. Like I'd ruined all of my memories of you and I didn't want to do that to myself, so I'm trying to figure out how to… fix that."

"We'll figure it out, Hermione. We'll get there. We'll both be fixed." He kissed her neck gently and she pulled away to kiss him full on the lips. His hands moved to her hips, holding her there for a moment before they parted.

"I don't think I can go to sleep," she whispered.

"Me either. I'd suggest we go for a walk, but…"

"I don't want to leave these dorms. Maybe we should stay in bed until breakfast? If I can even eat."

"Tell me about it. I feel bad just leaving everyone to clean up our mess."

"McGonagall wouldn't have let us stay even if we wanted to. You know that. They'll be fine. I agree that we need rest."

"Rest that we're not getting."

"This is enough for me right now. I'm not fighting. I'm not running. There's nothing I have to be scared of."

"Except me."

"I'm not scared of you, Harry. If I were, I wouldn't have asked you to… you know."

"What if I was holding back…? What if-"

"Do you want me to be scared of you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why are you trying?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I don't want to try."

"Then don't?"

"Thanks. I'm cured."

Hermione sighed. "I didn't mean it like that, Harry. You're in control of your own thoughts, aren't you?"

"I suppose."

"Who else's thoughts do you have, then? Voldemort's not in your head anymore."

"I guess I'm just not used to that yet. I don't want to talk about it anymore, though, okay? I don't want to talk about anything right now."

Hermione nodded sadly. "Fine. We don't have to." She moved off his lap and settled down in the bed next to Harry. "We can just… relax."

"Actually, can we… go sit by the fire?"

"Sit by the fire? Yeah, of course." Hermione sat up and walked out of the bedroom. "I didn't think you'd ever want to be around a fire again."

"It's different with you," Harry said with a frown, following her. "Like our first night in the tent. You said it was relaxing. That was the first time I'd seen you so still. I think… that's the only time I've seen you so still. At least while you're awake."

"Well, don't get used to it. There's still a lot we're going to have to do."

"Not tonight, though."

Hermione paused before taking a seat on the floor, resting her back against the couch. "No, not tonight, I suppose." She tensed a little when he sat down next to her, shoulder resting against hers, but then relaxed as if she was conflicted about wanting contact. So he scooted over a little, leaving a tiny bit of space between them she could close if she wanted. Instead, she shifted her leg so her knee was against Harry's, which seemed to be a good consolation for the moment.

She stared at the fire, trying to remember their first night on the run. They didn't know the catastrophe they'd get themselves into within a year. Bill and Fleur had just gotten married, Ron was healing. Ron. They hoped he would be okay. He'd come back to them when he was ready, and he knew some of the Weasleys may not be the best for Ron, but he had to be with them right now. They would help him when he needed it, but he had support. They had none. No family. That was the one advantage they had over a lot of other people in the war.

Everyone lost something but them; at least they still had each other. Where were they a year ago? Harry was in detention for nearly killing Draco, which was the most pressing thing. Hermione was licking her wounds of rejection and trying to research what she needed to do to save Harry's life. In the end, he'd saved his own without even needing her help. She couldn't even put into words the feeling of uselessness that washed over her in front of this fire. Her runes hadn't done a thing.

"Can you tell me about your parents?"

Hermione was quiet for a few moments. "Why?"

"Because I spent so much time telling you all about me when we were in the tent that I realized I still don't know a lot about you… You don't like talking about yourself, do you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about anything."

"I don't. That's why I'm asking you questions," he smirked.

Hermione couldn't help but smile. "Cheeky. What do you want to know about them, then?"

Harry shrugged. "Just… their names. What they're like. What you were like before I met you."

It didn't get past Hermione that Harry asked what they are like instead of what they were like. "Well, um… their names are Michael and Donna. I never really got to spend as much time with them as I wanted since they worked so much. They… they have their own practice, so even when they were home, a lot of their time was spent doing business-related things, you know. But they really tried their best to make sure I knew they loved me. I never doubted that. It just ended up that I got really good at playing by myself. Especially the few times I did some… accidental magic when I was playing with my dollhouse. They'd sometimes move on their own. I thought it was my imagination at first, but then I did it again. Not a lot, because I was never sure how. But it made even being by myself feel like someone else was there with me."

"Did you tell them?"

"No. I… I knew it wasn't normal, so I didn't want to worry them. And it wasn't hurting anyone, so I never saw the harm. Once I started reading more, I tried so hard to recreate the worlds in my imagination, too. So… when I got my Hogwarts letter, it was like… like I was going to be visiting one of them. And then I got my books and started treating them like novels. I wanted to learn everything I could about this new world I could go to, about the spells, the castle. I couldn't do any of it, of course, but sometimes I'd use a pencil and practice the wand motions from the books." She blushed a little with embarrassment, which made Harry smile.

"I think that's one of the things I love about Ron's family, too," Hermione continued. "My parents were rather strict, even as I got older. I mean, you already know how they feel about sweets. They… never budged on rules, not even on holidays or birthdays." She shook her head. "It's what I was used to."

"That explains it, then. Were they excited when you got your letter?"

"I think so. Of course, I think they were sad to not be able to see me for the majority of the year, but they were excited because I was. They wanted the best for me, you know, and they knew I'd be great. But... " she curled in on herself again, "I don't think they tried as hard as they could to understand Wizard things. Like they thought Arthur was great, if a bit odd, but they never asked a lot of questions, and they seemed to get bored when I'd talk about what we learned. If they couldn't see it, they didn't care about it - that sort of thing. I want to find them, though, Harry. I don't… I don't want to lose them, no matter how… strange things have been between us. Or will be. I have no idea what kind of relationship we'll have if I can even bring them back."

"But at least you'll have them," Harry muttered, and Hermione nodded.

"Exactly."

"Is that why you never invited me over for Christmas? You didn't want to have me with another family that wasn't going to be what I wanted?"

Hermione took a deep breath. "I… maybe partially. They would have been nice to you, but… they're not the Weasleys. Honestly, I don't think they would have let you stay with me. Not… not that I had any experience, but I think you may have been on constant watch by my dad. He'd probably stand outside the bathroom door while you're in there. I don't even think he liked when I talked about you."

"You talked about me?"

"Of course I did. Especially after fifth year," she grinned. "I think they'd love you, though, once they got over the fact that you're a boy."

"Would they be okay with us being together?"

"Not right now, no."

Harry could tell it was time for a change of subject. "What's your favorite color?"

"Purple. Though… green is growing on me." She nudged her knee a little against his.

"What was your favorite movie growing up?"

Hermione smiled at that one. "Beauty and the Beast. I always related to Belle in a way. Or… at least I wanted to."

"I don't think I've seen it. Or if I did, it was a long time ago. I didn't really get to watch a lot of movies. Maybe we can watch them together once things get back to normal."

"Will they ever?"

Harry grinned, running his hand over Hermione's knee. "Things always do, don't they? Eventually. We'll be okay, right? No matter what?"

"I want to believe that so bad, Harry. I really do."

"But?"

"Things are different now. We're different. You and Ron and I. I think it's stupid to expect everything to go back to the way it was." She tugged her left sleeve down a little.

"I'll still come to Australia with you. If you want."

"You don't have to, Harry."

"Honestly, Hermione, if you think I'm letting you out of my sight for one second-"

"That's healthy," she quipped.

He was quiet for a moment. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Fighting so much. You… every good conversation we have suddenly turns into an argument. Earlier, you said I used that curse against Voldemort as a show. I know you don't think that. You told me to sleep alone. Now you're telling me we're unhealthy. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to break up with me."

The silence was deafening.

"Are you trying to break up with me?"

She still wasn't looking at him.

"Hermione."

"I wasn't." She didn't sound convinced. "I just… don't know if I'm in the place to be in a relationship right now anymore. I can't… emotionally…"

"Fine."

"...Fine?"

"What else do you want me to say, Hermione? If you're even suggesting that we shouldn't be together anymore, then I'm not going to convince you otherwise. Clearly you've already made up your mind."

"I just don't want to fight anymore, Harry, and if this is what it's going to be-"

"You're the one making it like this!"

"Which is why I'm suggesting that it's not a good idea right now! It's not like I want that. And if I'm the only thing that makes you feel something, then that's not healthy. I don't want that hanging over me."

"It's… it's not like that…"

"You literally just said that, Harry," she sighed. "We… we had sex so we'd both feel something, not because we wanted to or needed to…"

"I… no… I…" He was panicking. They wouldn't be able to be friends after this, would they? He looked down at Hermione's trembling lips. He couldn't lean over to kiss them like he wanted to. He'd never be able to kiss them again. He'd lost her. After everything he'd tried to do to protect her, he'd lost her. He'd lost everyone. Voldemort had won after all. Of course he had.

"Harry…?"

He shook his head. "I just… if I had used a different spell on Voldemort, would you feel the same way?"

"I think so. Really, Harry, I… I know why you did it. I don't agree with it, but I understand. And I understand why you used the rune. There's just something else going on right now that I don't understand, and once that changes, then maybe…"

"Maybe what? We can get back together? Hermione, do you really expect us to just… we can't just be friends anymore. I know we promised each other that when all this shit started, but I can't. Not right now. I can't look at you without…"

"So what do you suggest? Avoiding each other?!"

Harry took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Hermione. After tonight…"

"After tonight," she whispered, swallowing thickly. "Then… do you think maybe tonight, we could…?"

Even without the bond, Harry knew what she didn't want to say. Spend the rest of tonight pretending like everything's okay. He nodded, moving to lay down on the couch, and she immediately got up to lay next to him, pressing her face into his chest, which was quickly getting wet from tears. He didn't understand any of this, but if it was what Hermione needed, it's what he would do. He'd lost people he loved before, and without the bond, without the bits of his soul, without being able to feel much emotion at the moment, Hermione was no different. He wasn't sure if he was more worried about that changing or more worried about it not changing, but he didn't have a choice. The last seven months were gone, and the last seven years may be gone, too. But for the next seven hours, he could hold her like he used to, kiss her like he used to, and love her like he always would.