When nine o'clock came around, both of them were very reluctant to leave the dorms, but the lack of a real meal in the past 48 hours had their stomachs grumbling so loud they couldn't ignore it. They dressed separately, in their own rooms, after Hermione had sifted through her bag to get all of Harry's things out of it. "I'll keep anything you need me to until you get a trunk, though," she promised. He internally made a list of all the ways he could procrastinate getting a trunk.
He instinctively reached for her hand as they left the portrait hole. One last time. She didn't pull away, and he squeezed it, pressing a lingering kiss to the back of her palm before they stepped out, and let go.
Most of the castle looked the same in the hallways: luckily the main interior hadn't suffered too much damage. The strangest thing was the atmosphere of the castle less than twelve hours after Voldemort's fall. They had to move out of the way of a couple younger students running down to the Great Hall with smiles on their faces, as if nothing was wrong. As if half the school still wasn't destroyed. There was only one way down from Gryffindor Tower with a lot of the staircases disconnected from each other, but the repairs the night before had clearly been focused on making sure there were still ways to access all necessary parts of the castle.
The Great Hall looked almost back to normal - only pieces of the ceiling were still piled in a couple corners, moved off to the side to make room for the four tables. Even though they were repaired, jagged cracks where each piece had broken off and been put back on told the story. The noise was what was the most jarring. Murmuring, many voices all talking at once, greeted them as they got closer, thankful for the sound that covered up their out of sync footsteps.
The silence that greeted them as they stepped in, however, was deafening. Damning. Hundreds of eyes locked onto them for long enough that they both had to avert their eyes to their feet. How could they show their faces in front of this many people? How could Harry show his face after he'd murdered someone?
He wanted to run, but his feet wouldn't move. These people counted on him, didn't they? They always had. He was the one who was going to determine what happened next. Instinct was telling him to take Hermione's hand, but he couldn't. Would everyone know they weren't together anymore?
A pair of heels quickly clacked across the stone towards them. "All of you, leave them alone. Go back to your breakfasts." McGonagall had come to the rescue again, dressed in a new set of robes, and after a second, the silence was replaced by the sound of utensils scraping across plates. "Are either of you hungry? You don't have to eat in here if you don't want to."
"It's fine," Hermione quickly answered. "I don't want any special attention."
"Well, I'm sorry to say that probably won't be honored for a while, Miss Granger. I've already had to send away owls from the Prophet and the Ministry. You know how quickly news spreads. The entire Wizarding World knows what happened last night."
Harry paled quickly. "Where's Voldemort? Where's his body?" McGonagall gave him a sympathizing look.
"Burned," she confirmed. "He's gone, Potter. For good. We did our best to collect everyone who didn't make it and contact their families, but I don't want you worrying yourself about any of that right now. Just take care of yourselves."
"You can use the Elder Wand to help fix the rest of the school. I should have given it to you last night-"
"It's all right. We managed just fine without it, but thank you. Take all the time you need."
"And Ron and his family?" Hermione questioned.
"They went home shortly after you left. I expect you'll get invitations to the funeral once they get everything planned. I know Ron was planning on coming to check on you two at some point today."
Hermione's eyes closed, trying not to squeeze any tears out. Would they have to tell Ron they'd broken up? Her head was spinning with too many questions and not enough answers. But she opened them again and nodded.
"Thank you, Professor."
"We'll talk more after you two get some food in you. Would you like to sit up here with us?"
Everyone at the head table was looking at them too, but it wasn't the same energy they'd experienced coming from the students. The professors were just worried about them. The students were nosy. As alluring as the privacy of the head table was, they knew they'd become prime viewing material.
"I think I'd feel more comfortable sitting down there with them, if that's all right," Harry muttered.
"Of course. Both of you, sit where you like. I always thought that separating the Houses into tables was sort of silly anyway."
"Harry! Hermione!" Luna's voice rang out clear as she half-skipped up behind them. There were healing cuts and bruises on her face, too, but she looked as happy as Harry remembered ever seeing her in a bright pink sweater and jeans. "You both look dreadful! Come on, join us for breakfast, will you?" She carefully reached for Hermione's hand and tugged her along, and Hermione couldn't help but follow. Harry stayed put for a second before Luna called him again. "Come on, Harry. It's okay."
McGonagall gave them a soft smile as Harry made his way over to where Luna, Neville, and Lavender were sitting with some of the other DA members. No one said much to Harry besides a small wave, and (thankfully) Luna sat down between him and Hermione so they didn't have to spend too much time next to each other. She could tell something was off, and Harry let out a sigh of relief. Not being able to directly see Hermione was making not wanting to kiss her a lot easier.
Lavender looked better than he thought she would, considering the last time he saw her, he barely even recognized her, but that was the benefit of magical medicine. She hadn't touched her toast, mostly focused on the eggs and bacon (protein - it made sense), but she stopped eating completely as soon as Harry and Hermione sat down. Food appeared in front of them, but they both just looked at it for a few seconds.
"Hermione…" Lavender muttered, and Harry's head turned as Hermione looked up.
"How… I'm… you look…" Hermione tried, but nothing that she was going to say was really working.
"It's okay. I just… wanted to thank you. For saving me. Especially after last year…"
"Lavender, I'm not going to let a silly thing like that stop me from doing what's right. Though, I hope you're not mad at me. I didn't even think about the repercussions…"
"I'm okay. For the moment, anyway. As soon as we can get the supplies, Madam Pomfrey's going to make some Wolfsbane Potion, so I should be all right. I know it helped Professor Lupin a lot and he seemed normal enough…"
"He was normal," Harry interjected. "He lived a life just as full as anyone, as far as I know, at least. His son…" He broke off, sighing softly and looking back to his plate.
Harry busied himself with pushing his food around on his plate with his fork for a little bit before finally bringing a piece of bacon to his lips. The texture was nice, at least. Crunchy. Something he could focus on that would take his mind off of Hermione. It was torture for him to think of her more now that he wasn't allowed to, but he supposed that was how things worked, wasn't it?
"Well, anyway," Lavender continued, looking at Neville briefly before turning back to Hermione. "I just wanted to make sure you knew how much I appreciated it."
Hermione just nodded and gave Lavender a small smile, not sure if she'd be able to say much else in the state she was currently in.
Luna rested a hand on his arm. "Is it all right?" she asked. "I can make it not taste like anything if you'd prefer."
"No, no, it's okay. Thank you for the offer, though." As he looked over, he saw that Hermione still hadn't touched anything yet. "Hermione, you need to try to eat something." Her jaw tightened. "We won't be able to help if we can't eat. It's not too bad." Harry's eyes moved back to his plate, and he made a point to stir the scrambled eggs around with the remaining piece of bacon. "We can do this," he muttered, mostly for himself, but also for those around him.
"They're hoping to have the whole castle fixed by mid-week. Then I think they were going to try to start classes up again in the fall," Neville explained, picking around at his own food.
"Classes? Are they serious? Do you think anyone would be able to do classes right now?" Harry argued.
"The sooner we start getting things back to normal, the easier it will be to get that way again," Hermione muttered as she took small bites of her bacon. Harry knew she wasn't just talking about classes.
"What about the Ministry?" Harry pressed. "McGonagall said she's sent away owls…"
"They all want an interview with you," Neville sighed. "The Ministry, the Prophet, the Quibbler, Witch Weekly. Owls have already been flying through like mad. I'm not sure what they're even looking for, really. They all know the story."
"Which one?"
Neville shifted in his seat. "I… the Ministry… I overheard McGonagall saying that the… the Ministry wants a trial."
Harry furrowed his brow and Hermione's eyebrows shot into her hairline. "A trial?! What for?"
"I used an Unforgivable Curse," Harry answered for her.
"Yes, but… they can't… they can't possibly put you on trial in an event like that, can they? That's…"
"You know the Ministry, Hermione. They're not going to make an exception for me. When have they let me off for doing anything that's saved my own bloody life?" He suddenly wasn't hungry again, but he tried to get some eggs down anyway.
"No one thinks it's fair, Harry," Neville continued. "Especially considering the circumstances, but… we'll do whatever we can to get you out of it."
Harry looked between Neville, Luna next to him, and Hermione. They were just missing Ron and Ginny, but he knew Ron would go mad knowing they'd already decided to put him on trial, too. These were his friends. He wasn't alone, even after all he'd done.
"Thank you. All of you. Truly." He was nervous, yes, but not scared. He knew there were more people on his side than not. At least he hoped there were. On the bright side, maybe if he spent the rest of his life in solitary confinement in Azkaban, at least it would be a lot easier to avoid Hermione. He almost laughed at the thought.
Once breakfast was over and no one really seemed to be getting much more comfortable with being social in any way, Harry volunteered to go back to the dorms to get the Elder Wand. He'd left it protected while they ate, but twirled Malfoy's around in his fingers as he walked. Hermione had insisted on staying behind, and while his first thought was to make her come, it was better this way. They might as well get used to spending time apart.
Harry wondered where Malfoy was right now, what he was doing. Surely he'd be on trial, too, if Harry was. The whole family would be. Of course, he'd testify on their behalf - at least Malfoy and his mother. After all, his mother had lied to Voldemort. That had to mean something, right? And Malfoy, no, Draco, had given him his wand. A weapon. What had changed? Or had that been his plan all along. And for the first time, Harry was a little shocked to come to the realization that he wanted to talk to him. Needed to talk to him. Give him his wand back, if nothing else. If the Ministry would allow it. He hated that he was already making a list of things he needed to do, but if it was occupying his mind, it was worth it.
By the time Harry got back to the Great Hall, breakfast had been cleaned up and students and staff were already working on continuing repairs in the rest of the castle, as the Great Hall itself was rather empty.
"Harry," Ron sighed, nearly sprinting towards him and pulling him into a tight hug. Harry reciprocated immediately, gripping Ron's jacket and holding him there, longing for that flicker of feeling again. "I'm sorry, mate. Hermione told me about you two… I… I shouldn't have left. Maybe then-"
"Nothing would have changed, Ron," he whispered, pulling away and shocking himself and the yes, sadness he felt. "It's not your fault. I feel like it was kind of inevitable. We'll be all right… eventually."
"I know, but… this is you and Hermione we're talking about. You've been-"
"Please don't remind me."
"Right. Sorry. Well, look, if… if you need anything…"
Harry nodded. "Thanks, Ron. I just… want to get through the rest of the day, okay?" He pulled the Elder Wand out of his pocket. "This will help a lot with repairs. The faster we get those done, the better."
As they moved past Hermione, she reached out for Harry's sleeve, touching it hesitantly. "Harry, I…" He met her eyes quickly, not sure what he was hoping for, "I have your wand in my bag, still. Your old one. Maybe with the Elder Wand, you could fix it."
"Oh… yeah, sure. You kept it this whole time?"
"Of course I did."
Harry smiled a little. Happiness. "Thank you."
Hermione smiled back, nodding as she fished the broken pieces out of her bag, carefully wrapped in a cloth, and gingerly placed them into Harry's hand. Tingles lingered where their skin met, but that may have just been Harry's imagination.
He closed his fingers around the cloth and took a breath before moving to find McGonagall again.
"Professor?" he asked softly, "do you know how to repair a wand? I'm using Mal-... Draco's right now, but… I'd like to give it back to him and fix my old one."
"Oh. Well, let's see what I can do. It might not work, but I'll give it a shot. Though, you might have to do it since the wand belongs to you-"
"I don't want it, Professor. I don't… I don't want this power. I want to help, but if you'd like it, I think it might be in safer hands."
"That's… very noble of you." McGonagall tried not to sound too taken aback by the prospect. "If you're sure…"
Harry pulled the Elder Wand from his pocket and held out his hands in surrender. "You'll have to disarm me."
Everyone's eyes were on them. McGonagall pulled out her own wand.
"Expelliarmus."
The relief that Harry felt without the pressure of the Elder Wand in his hands was immense. Finally, something he could control. Something he'd done that he could be proud of. McGonagall's hand closed around the wand as a teary smile came to her face. "Thank you, Potter. This… this has been through far too many hands in the past year."
"I know it'll be safe with you."
She shook her head. "I'll bury it with Albus after we're done. That way, it doesn't belong to anybody ever again. No one needs this much power."
"You have no idea how refreshing that is to hear," Harry chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Now, back to my wand…"
"Of course, of course. Bring it here."
Harry unloaded the pieces of the wand on the head table, arranging them to look the closest to being correct that he could. It looked all right; he just hoped this would work.
"Reparo."
The students began to gather around to see the power, filling in closer to watch as silver threads seemed to wrap around Harry's wand, tightening to pull it together. A red light started to shine through the cracks, pulsing and pulling until it faded into the wood and the cracks began to fill in. Like the tables, when everything was done, the scars would always be in the wood, always remind him of their adventure at Godric's Hollow, of the time when Hermione saved Harry's life hours before taking each others' virginities. He took a shuddering breath as the wand straightened and sealed. Then, a pulse of magic radiated from the wand and straight through Harry's body. He grinned, reaching out for it as soon as the light and silver strands had faded.
"Woah." It had been so long since he'd held it, he'd forgotten what it felt like to have a wand that was his. He twirled it around in his fingers a couple times before pocketing it. "Thank you, Professor."
McGonagall was beaming back at him. "Anytime, Potter. Glad to have you back." She patted his shoulder quickly.
"You said you needed to speak with me?"
"Yes." She looked around the Great Hall carefully. "It may be a conversation better held in my office."
It took them a little longer to get there than normal since they had to take a longer route, and Harry tried to only watch his feet so he didn't have to see as much destruction throughout the castle. Hopefully with the Elder Wand, the castle would be back to normal in no time and he could just pretend he hadn't left Hogwarts in the first place. Yeah, right.
"I do have to warn you, Potter, this… isn't an easy thing for me to explain, and we're doing the best we can to make this as untroublesome for you as possible," she began as they entered her office.
"Neville already told me about the trial," he answered.
"Yes," McGonagall sighed, gesturing for him to sit as she took the place in her own chair across the desk. "Kingsley and I are already working on that particular part of things. I don't understand how they can think it's warranted, but…"
"That's the Ministry for you."
"Unfortunately, yes. Especially when they're in a period of transition like this. Kingsley's taking over as Minister, as you know, and… well… let's just say they're thoroughly taking advantage of not having anyone in charge right now."
"But how did they even know? How did they know how I killed him?"
McGonagall pushed over her tin of cookies, and Harry took one halfway out of obligation and half because having breakfast had made him realize how hungry he was. "A few months ago, the Ministry placed a Taboo on all Unforgivable Curses, so any time one was used, they would know who used it and where it was. A valiant attempt to track down Death Eaters, but, in cases like this, it has its drawbacks. The only reason you're under trial in the first place is because of that Taboo. Now, they say it's a 'formality' but," she huffed, rolling her eyes a little, "we know that's not true. I don't know what it is they're trying to accomplish by showing the entire Wizarding World that killing a mass murderer requires a full hearing under a formality, but I do need you to know that everyone is on your side, Potter."
"But Kingsley has the Minister's resources, right? He can't overturn the judgement?"
"Since he hasn't been legally sworn in yet, he doesn't have that power. It's… I hope you don't mind me saying that it's utter rubbish. Currently, the biggest advantage you have is the testimony of the entire school and the Order."
"Can Kingsley testify?"
"Unfortunately not. But that shouldn't matter in the scheme of things. Helpful, yes, but you're going to have to provide a good argument for why you chose that specific curse, not that I think it'll be difficult. Personally, I believe that was humane for him." She pursed her lips and rubbed her temple. "As far as the Prophet goes…"
"I'm sure they're eating that up, aren't they?"
"Oh, of course they are. But they've agreed not to release any information about the details until the trial is over. For now, all that's been said is that you defeated Voldemort, but they're getting antsy. They want answers. They want interviews. They want press coverage. I've managed to hold them off for a little while, considering the state of your mental health, but I suspect before too long, all three of you will need to at least make a statement of some sort."
Harry took a deep breath as his head fell into his hands.
"I don't agree that all of this should rest on the shoulders of three teenagers. If there was anything I could do-"
"I know, Professor. I appreciate everything you've already done for us."
"And don't think I didn't notice that neither of you took your sleep potions last night," McGonagall accused with a soft glare.
"No, we… we just couldn't settle down enough to want to sleep."
"I understand. I didn't get much sleep myself, but… not sleeping isn't going to make things better, Potter."
"I know."
"Not many people will admit this right now, but… well, not much is going to make this better. Not for a little while, at least. I just want to prepare you for what might be coming." Harry nodded silently before McGonagall stood, and Harry did the same. "Also, if you're up for it, the Malfoys have trials coming up, too. All of the captured Death Eaters do."
"You want me to testify against the Malfoys?" Harry frowned.
"Well, that's up to you, I suppose. Between you and me, I don't think Lucius has much of a chance, but half the school saw Draco throw you his own wand. I wouldn't take that lightly."
"His mum lied to Voldemort. She… she came to check on me. Asked if Draco was in the castle and if he was alive. I told her he was, and she told Voldemort I was dead."
McGonagall's eyebrows nearly flew up into her hairline. "And do you have any proof of this?"
"I don't think so, but… he trusted her. Voldemort trusted her. He didn't even check himself, just asked her and then made sure I didn't have my wand anymore. I guess she gave it back to Draco before he gave it to me."
"That could certainly change things in her favor. As I said, it's up to you, but… well… you know the right thing to do."
Harry nodded once. "I don't care about Lucius, but Draco and his mum helped me. They're on our side."
"I'll see if I can get the details of their trials from the Ministry. As I get more information, I'll pass it along."
"Thank you. I should probably get back. Is there anything specific you need help with the most?"
McGonagall thought for a few seconds. "Hagrid was working on the bridge last time I saw him. I know he would appreciate the company."
Harry truly smiled for the first time all morning. He'd been too exhausted to spend a lot of time with Hagrid after the battle was over besides a quick hug, but he couldn't even imagine how awful it must have been for him to think he'd been carrying Harry's body. Every once in a while, he'd feel Hagrid shudder, and he thought about what he'd said at Privet Drive - he was the one who brought him there, so he should be the one to take him. He'd rescued him from Godric's Hollow, and how he was the one who had to reveal his death to the school, his friends, all the people who cared about him. It was the worst thing Voldemort could have done to him. He was good at that - digging into their weaknesses. Hell, he'd torn Harry and Hermione apart because of their weaknesses.
"Of course. I need to talk to him anyway."
"Take your time. I'll keep working on the stairs so we can check for damages through the rest of the castle."
Harry nodded, moving out of McGonagall's office shortly ahead of her and heading down to the bridge. He paused at the door to the outside, a little shocked at the weather. It felt like he hadn't been outside in forever. The sun was out, birds were chirping, and the trees that had survived the battle were nearly in full bloom. The juxtaposition between the last night and this morning was making his head spin. How could the world be so happy when he himself was so… empty?
Hagrid's form was clear against the sky, but he didn't look like he was working very hard. He was moving in slow-motion, picking up large pieces of the bridge and piling them up. Harry wasn't sure if Hagrid just didn't have the right spells to fix anything of this scale or if he just didn't want to, but he was taking his time.
"Hagrid."
He turned around almost instantly, pulling Harry into a bone-crushing hug that lasted for several minutes as soon as Harry was close enough. "Harry. I… I wasn't sure if you'd be out an' about this morning. How're ya feelin'?"
Harry shrugged. "I've been better," he admitted into Hagrid's jacket. "I'm sorry about last night, honestly. That you had to…"
Hagrid wiped his eyes with his shirt. "Yeah, that was… that was somethin'. But yer alive, and that's all that matters, right? That yer here and he's gone. That's all I care abou', anyway. I knew you could get 'im."
"I suppose." Harry pulled the wand out of his pocket and started slowly repairing some of the smaller pieces. He had no idea how they were going to get further out onto the bridge - they'd have to fix it while they were standing on it, which wasn't something Hagrid should probably be in charge of anyway. It seemed like a daunting job, but putting even a couple pieces back made a difference. They worked in silence, unsure of what to say, but Harry could tell that Hagrid's posture had improved just by Harry being next to him, and he had started working a little faster, making a little more progress, and after nearly an hour, Harry had been able to take a couple cautious steps out onto the bridge, over the jagged scars, to start working on the middle. He wondered if they would ever get a new bridge or if they'd leave the memories, like the tables, so that when they taught about last night in the new edition of Hogwarts: A History, the professors would be able to point out exactly where things occurred, what happened, and how Harry Potter had stayed to help repair the very bridge they were walking on.
Would Hogwarts: A History mention how he felt exactly like the bridge? Put back together - "fixed" - but forever scarred? He'd never be the same person he was a year ago, a person he'd found himself already mourning, but tossing to the side. That Harry didn't matter. That Harry had Voldemort's soul in him. This one, this new one, this fixed one, didn't. This Harry that existed in thrown-together jigsaw pieces of months of hell. Spells he'd learned. People he'd killed. Friends he'd lost. Experiences he'd shared. Danger he'd been in. He pointed his wand at one of the corners of the arch and broke it only to fix it again. Was this his life now? No wonder Hermione hadn't wanted to be with him.
Fine, he'd said. Had he really been that callous? Had he really not been sad? Not like he should have been and not like he wanted to be. How could he be fine with losing Hermione when he'd spent the last near-decade trying to protect her? He should have broken down. Should have cried. Should be complaining to Hagrid about how awful everything was. But he wasn't, was he? He was doing his job. Though he could feel Hagrid's eyes on him, watching him, he didn't know what to say. Right now, silent company was enough.
He broke another piece off of the bridge and watched it fall, vowing that once he felt like himself again, then, and only then, would he try to get Hermione back. Otherwise, it wouldn't do either of them any good.
Hagrid finally cleared his throat. "I… I jus' want you to know that… me not sayin' much don't mean anythin', Harry."
Harry shook his head quickly, turning back to face him and forgetting about the bridge for a moment. "Of course not, Hagrid. I get it. It's one of those moments where you're not really sure what the right thing to say is. I've certainly only been saying the wrong things lately." He toed at the stone under his feet before backtracking to where Hagrid was standing. "You're staying here for a while, aren't you?" He'd made a mental note to begin prioritizing spending time with the people who mattered to him most, as there was no guarantee anymore how long they had left.
"Don't got nowhere else to go, do I?" Hagrid replied, but smiled the best he could down at Harry before pulling him into a bear hug. "An' there's nowhere else I'd rather be."