Healer Harry - A Fanfic

by SalTalStudios

"Huh, not...what I was expecting."

4. PrimJax

Harry took a deep breath in, glanced down at his watch, and then let out a discontented sigh.

8:58 am.

Two minutes until his shift started. One minute until Hermione's charm would go off.

"I see we're early again, today," a feminine voice remarked with faint disappointment as soon as he arrived at the clinic.

Harry bit back a response. "Tracey," he greeted, holding his arm out.

She stared at him for a moment with distaste before handing him the files.

His eyes narrowed as he looked between them and her. "That's not coffee."

"Astute observation," she said.

"You normally give me coffee first, not files," he said, blinking and looking at the not-a-coffee in his hand.

"Well, you normally arrive two seconds early, not two minutes," she said with an uncaring shrug. "You've got time to make your own, now."

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," she said with an overly sweet smile.

He paused for a moment, not knowing how to respond. But Tracey seemed to take that as a cue to leave and turned to exit his office.

"Wait," he said, still bewildered by this turn of events. "Just...you're seriously not making me coffee anymore?"

She rolled her eyes at his dramatics. "Perhaps when you've retrieved your balls from your fiancé, I'll reconsider. I know she's the one forcing you to be more punctual," she said, scrunching up her nose in displeasure. "Hermione's interference, no doubt. Maybe try and get your pecker back from her iron grip while you're at it, too. You might very well start enjoying clinic duty, otherwise."

Harry clenched his jaw and slapped his files on his desk with more force than necessary. "Good relationships are built on mutual compromise. Just because I've made a few concessions for Ginny, doesn't mean she has any claim on my balls," he said before pausing to take a breath and shaking his head. "I mean...you know what I-that's not exactly true. But the point is, this has absolutely nothing to do with Hermione."

Tracey gave him an unimpressed look. "Well, alright then...tell me," she said, crossing her arms. "What's your least favourite type of patient to deal with?"

"Fangirls," he replied at once.

She closed her eyes and nodded. "And how long has Hermione begged you to stop portkeying them to Saint Mungo's?" she asked, looking at him with her head tilted to the side.

He raised an eyebrow. "Since I started doing it," he said, not seeing where this was leading.

"And when was the last time you did it?"

Harry frowned, struggling to remember. He could recall having a conversation with Ginny about it early on in their relationship, how he needed to be nicer to the young women who came in to see him. At the time, he hadn't thought anything of it. But now...he was beginning to wonder how much of Ginny's suggestions had been purely hers or from another source entirely.

He opened his mouth to answer but his brain failed to supply him with the proper reply.

Tracey stared at him for a moment before letting out a small sigh. "Look...all I'm saying is, it's always been an even battle," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You and I versus Hermione and the patients. And...well, there hasn't been very much of that lately, and I'm concerned."

He licked his lips and played with the edge of one of the files on his desk. "You think I've changed?"

Tracey didn't reply, she only nodded.

"What if I...start to change back," Harry said, making a mental note to deal with the next fangirl properly, "will you make my coffee again?"

"Nope."

He threw his head back with a groan. "But you make it so much better than me."

She put a hand up to stop him whining. "You focus on getting back to normal, and I'll delay your first patient," she said, edging toward the door. "Coffee maker's in the kitchen."

Harry let out a heavy exhale as leaned back against his desk. "Fine."

She gave another nod and turned to exit the office before pausing for a moment in the doorway. "And Harry?" she called out, looking at him over her shoulder.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You owe me big-time for this," she said with a grin.

"Right," he said, closing his eyes. Owing Tracey Dravis a favour was never a good position to be in. "Sounds fair."

"And I know just the way for you to repay me."

He looked back up at her in surprise. "Oh?"

Tracey gave him a triumphant smile. "I'll have Astoria drop by today," she said. "You help her out and we're even."

At this, Harry let out an even louder groan.

Astoria had always been a lovely girl-as if the younger sister of the esteemed magical researcher Daphne Greengrass could be any less. But her choice in husband left a hell of a lot to be desired.

Draco Malfoy was as ghastly as Daphne Greengrass's work on Intent was brilliant.

xxx

Astoria pushed open the door to the wizard entrance of the PIMMPLE, practically dragging Draco in by the elbow.

"Have I mentioned how much I do not want to be here right now?" Draco said through gritted teeth.

"Once or five hundred times," Astoria said, corralling him through the entrance.

Draco stumbled a bit before righting himself and running a hand through his slicked-back hair. "We don't need him, Astoria," he said in a low voice. "We'll find someone else to see. Anybody else. Please."

Astoria sighed, taking Draco's hand in hers and starting to feel a bit guilty. "Look, I know you have a...history with Potter," she said carefully. "But sweetheart...he's our only hope. If he can help us, won't it be worth it? Just think about it, Draco. Really think about it."

His entire posture seemed to deflate at her words, and he glanced down at the floor. "Why does it have to be him?" he said, his voice bordering on desperate. "He's going to make this hell for me."

She took his hand in hers and squeezed hard. "No, I won't let him," she said, jaw set firm.

Draco looked into her eyes, his face softening in a rare show of vulnerability. "It would be worth it, you know," he mumbled. "If he could help."

Astoria smiled and pulled him in for a hug, feeling her heart lift with hope for the first time in months.

"Oh, how beautiful. Truly heart-wrenching," came a voice from the other side of the room.

They both looked over to see Tracey staring at them with a bored expression on her face. But it melted into a grudging smile as she stood and walked over to the pair.

"Good to see you, Tori," she said, giving the woman a hug before turning to Draco. She sneered at him. "Malfoy...always a displeasure."

"Piss off, Davis," he said. The refrain was all too familiar to Astoria's ears.

Tracey beamed before walking them over to her desk. "I've told Harry to expect you, just go ahead and fill out the intake forms," she said, gesturing to the floating clipboard beside them. "Can't always guarantee promptness here, but we have plenty of entertainment in the waiting area."

Draco rolled his eyes at this and left to take a seat.

"Oh, and Malfoy?" Tracey said, calling him back.

"What?" he said without turning around.

"Here's some suggested reading material," Tracey said with a bright smile, levitating a rolled-up newspaper towards him.

Draco clenched his jaw at once, and Astoria sighed, knowing what was coming.

Sure enough, when Draco unfurled the paper, an all-too-familiar article jumped out at them on the front page.

PrimJax: Faulty Faucets Flush Fortunes

"Go to hell, Davis," Draco said, tossing the paper aside and dropping down into one of the chairs with a huff.

Tracey merely shrugged. "Touchy, touchy," she said under her breath.

Astoria closed her eyes for a moment to gather some patience before walking back towards her husband and sitting down beside him.

This was going to be a long day.

xxx

Harry sighed as he trudged his way over to the coffee maker in the kitchen. It was an old ruddy muggle one that Hermione had inherited from the last bloke who'd owned the building. And no matter how many times he and Tracey had put up a fight, she'd refused to replace it with the top-of-the-line Breville Brushed Stainless Steel Oracle Touch Espresso Machine that they circled in a catalogue and placed on her desk every December in hopes of a Christmas surprise.

"We need to operate on a lean, zero-waste business model," she'd say every time. "Don't forget your three E's. Economical, efficient, and effective!"

Harry shook his head of the thought as he waited for the ancient coffee maker to finish brewing. He looked around the room in boredom, rolling his eyes at the various labels attached to the cabinets and drawers.

Coffee and tea.

Cream and sugar.

Mugs.

Utensils.

Etc, etc. All around the room, like he and Tracey were five-year-olds who needed to practice their household vocabulary. Merlin forbid something was in the wrong spot. As with everything else in the clinic, Hermione had to have control and order. It was completely overbearing, unnecessary, and demeaning.

Did Harry and Tracey misplace things sometimes? Sure. Did they always put them back afterwards? Never.

But that wasn't the point. The point was, Harry was having a horrible start to what was sure to be a worse day, and he really just wanted some damn coffee. Tracey's words from earlier had stung more than he cared to admit, and he couldn't get them out of his head no matter how hard he tried.

'Maybe try and get your pecker back from her iron grip while you're at it, too. You might very well start enjoying clinic duty, otherwise.'

Harry turned around and gripped the countertop hard, feeling indignation rising in him at the thought. He was not changing for the better. He was Harry, just Harry. No one could take that away from him. Not Ginny, and most definitely not Hermione.

With new resolve, he stared at the wall in front of him before standing straight and proceeding to open all the cabinets and drawers, wreaking havoc on the small kitchen.

He turned the mugs right side up, ruffled the sugar packets haphazardly around in the drawer, left one coffee filter outside of its bag, switched the order of the spoons, knives, and forks, and threw a lone stirrer in the sink. He was just about to swap around all the labels on the cabinets when a soft knock was heard on the door.

"Hiya."

Harry turned around at once and frowned at the man standing in the doorway. He was about 5 feet and 4 ½ inches, had short brown hair and wore glasses. And just by the look of him, Harry could tell he wasn't from the area.

"Where are you from?" Harry said.

"Eh?"

Harry nodded in comprehension. "Canada."

The man raised an eyebrow before walking inside the kitchen, bringing a toolbox in with him. "Originally from the Philippines. The name's zap," he said, holding a hand out for Harry to shake. "I'm here about the faucets."

"What?"

Zap gestured to the sink. "The PrimJax faucet recall? Didn't you hear about it?" he said, kneeling down to open his toolbox up. "It's been in the papers for weeks."

PrimJax? Why did that ring a bell?

Harry watched as Zap pulled out various magical instruments from his box and proceeded to stick his head under the sink.

"Why were they recalled?" Harry said, sticking his head down near him.

Zap turned to look at him. "Do you not read the papers?"

"I've been...busy," Harry said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

It was the truth, in a way. He only wished it was for something more worthwhile than planning an engagement party. He was all for the engagement itself. It was the party bit he had been dreading. Why they had to make a huge ordeal about it when the wedding was already going to be a monstrous event itself, Harry had no idea.

Zap chuckled. "These faucets are trouble, that's all I'll say," he said. "Old Malfoy has his work cut out for him trying to fix the damages he caused, let me tell you."

"Malfoy?" Harry said with disgust. "What's he got to...wait...that's right! I'd forgotten he'd gone into the plumbing business."

Zap nodded patiently. "He's made a huge mess of things," he said.

Harry couldn't help the pleased smile that came over his face at that. He picked up his mug of coffee before giving Zap a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Thanks for this wonderful news, mate," he said, walking towards the door. "You're all right, Zappy."

"It's zap."

"Hmm?" Harry said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Listen, Zappo. Once you're done with this faucet, I'd like for you to take a look at the ones in the exam rooms as well. We can't have them malfunctioning in there. Might prevent important healer work from being done, you see."

Zappo nodded. "Well, of course. I've been assigned to change them all."

Harry grinned wide. "Excellent."

xxx

Harry swung the door open, bowing his head and making an exaggerated 'after you' motion.

Zappo walked in, looking rather unsure as he made eye contact with the man sitting on the exam table. "Er," he said, staring between him and Harry, cheeks turning red like a blushing virgin.

Well, that won't do, Harry thought with a frown. A bloke with a name like Zappo needed to command much more of a presence. Harry would make sure to sort that out shortly, but it was best to let him get to work first.

"Zappo, have at her," he said, gesturing towards the tap.

"It's zap," he said through clenched teeth.

Harry raised an eyebrow. Surely it wasn't. And anyway, he could do much better than Zap. No, Harry would just have to keep trying until he landed on the perfect nickname. For Zappa's own good, of course.

Putting the thought out of his mind for now, Harry turned toward the patient. "Hello, my name is Doctor Potter. How can I help you today?"

He cringed as soon as the words left his mouth, realizing he'd smiled at the patient as he'd said them. Merlin, he could practically hear Tracey mocking him for it.

But no, it was fine. Just because he'd adopted a couple of bad habits, it didn't mean he couldn't get back to being his old self again.

The man blinked and looked between Harry and Zappa. "Are...you the doctor?"

"Well, I'd sure hope so," Harry said. "Unless you'd prefer the bloke replacing the faulty tap. I can refer you to him, if you'd like?"

The man immediately shook his head, his eyes practically bulging. "No, no, I'd rather see a doc than a plumber."

Harry nodded. "Good choice. So...what's wrong with you then?" he said abruptly.

The man's eyes drifted from Harry to the on-going faucet replacement. "Er...is he staying here for this?" he said, nodding his head towards Zappa.

Harry followed his line of sight and frowned. "Of course."

"Well...what about patient-doctor confidentiality?"

"Nah, don't worry about Zappa," Harry said. "He's cool."

"zap. It's just zap," Zappow called out from under the sink.

Harry shook his head in disappointment. "Right," he said, turning back to his patient. "I've answered your questions, now you answer mine. Otherwise, I really will get Zappow to treat you instead."

"Do you even hear me?" a voice called out from under the sink.

"Ignore him," Harry said, giving his patient a bright smile. "He's just frustrated about having to fix faulty faucets all day."

"Well…" the man said, shifting his gaze around once more. "It's...sort of...embarrassing."

Harry held himself back from rolling his eyes. Instead, he gave an expectant raise of his eyebrows. "And...?"

The man paused for a moment.

And then:

"I think my arse is infected."

Thud.

Harry swivelled on his stool to see Zappow rubbing at the red mark on his forehead, and then swivelled right back.

Huh...that was not what he was expecting.

xxx

Astoria looked around the waiting room that was beginning to fill as the morning stretched on. She'd been warned that there would be a long wait time, but she was worried Draco would start to have doubts again. Tracey's little jibe earlier about Draco's pride and joy company certainly hadn't helped matters.

"How are you feeling?" she said, taking his hand in hers.

Draco scowled as he let his head fall back. "I just want this day to be over with."

She nodded. "Just be patient. Hopefully it won't be much longer."

"It will," came Tracey's voice, cutting into their conversation.

Astoria sighed as she stared at the woman. As much as she loved Tracey like a sister, there were times she really wished she could zip her mouth shut. "Thanks," she said in a flat tone.

Tracey smiled. "How's the in-house entertainment?" she said, gesturing to the rolled-up newspaper that Draco had crumpled in his hand from gripping too tightly. "Shame about the faucets. I was particularly interested in the complaints about the knobs being faulty. Not emitting a proper flow. Would you happen to know anything about that, Draco?"

"Tracey," Astoria spit out.

The woman gave her an innocent look. "I'm only taking an interest in my friend's career."

"We have never been, nor will we ever be, friends, Davis," Draco said, taking out his wand and pointing it at the newspaper.

He disintegrated it into hundreds of tiny little pieces and banished it from the air.

Tracey stared at him for a moment before ducking her head down and producing a large stack of Daily Prophets which she then placed neatly at the edge of her desk.

xxx

"So...it was only a bacterial infection? I just need to take antibiotics?" Red Arse asked as he awkwardly half-sat on the exam table.

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. "Next time you prick your arse, just make sure it's not infected," he said, feeling a warm thrill at the thought of Hermione receiving Red Arse's patient satisfaction survey. "Cellulitis isn't overly serious, but it is rather uncomfortable and annoying."

"It was an accident. I fell at work and got pierced by a piece of metal," he said. "How was I to know it would cause an infection? Anyway...are you going to give me a prescription then or not?"

Harry shook his head. "No, not until we're done."

Red Arse opened his mouth, then closed it, his forehead knitting in confusion. "I thought we were."

"Not until we're all done," Harry clarified, gesturing to Zapple's bum that was still sticking out from under the sink.

"What?" Red Arse said, looking annoyed now. "Didn't you say he wasn't the doctor?"

"Does he look like the doctor?"

"No!"

"Then why would you ask such a stupid question?" Harry said.

Red Arse threw his hands up in the air. "Because I want my prescription so I could go home and stop sitting on my red and infected arse!" he said, half-sitting, half-standing with his right buttock off the exam table.

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Here at the PIMMPLE, we believe in holistic medicine," he said. "I've treated your physical ailments. Now as we wait for Zapple to finish, we-"

"It's zap!"

Harry huffed out a breath. Would any nickname meet his standards?

"Anyway," Harry continued, "waiting for Zapper to finish is all part of the treatment protocol, trust me. I'm a doctor. And besides...how could you think of asking me to abandon him? Look at him!"

Zap stuck his head up and scowled. "It's zap, and please feel free to leave," he said in a flat voice. "I'd prefer it if you left. If you both left."

Harry ignored his partner's words and turned back to Red Arse. "We're an inseparable duo. Zappity and Doctor Potter. He works on the building's plumbing issues, while I work on your plumbing issues."

"Just zap," Zappily called out from behind. "And I feel defiled by all these preposterous names. And worried."

Harry brushed off his words with a wave of his hand. "Nothing to be worried about, I assure you."

"You saying that only makes me more worried."

"What's there to be worried about?"

Zappily let out a long sigh. "That's just it," he said, with a shake of his head. "I don't know."

Xxx

Astoria looked around the waiting room, her eyes landing on a small balding man who sat with his young ginger-haired son who had abnormally large head, both holding their hands to their noses. Based on where they were seated, she could tell they were wizards. An invisible barrier was set in place in the PIMMPLE waiting area that separated muggle and magical patients, the latter able to see the former, but not vice versa. Some sort of clever charm cast by Hermione Granger-Weasley, no doubt.

She nudged Draco in the arm and nodded her head towards the boy. "Cute, isn't he?" she said.

Draco looked to where she was pointing and curled his lip in distaste. "Ginger hair?"

"It's more auburn," Astoria said in defence.

He shook his head. "Our son would be much cuter," he said in a tone that left no room for argument.

Astoria grinned in response, very much in agreement.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Tracey spoke up from her desk. "There's still the matter of the leaky faucet, isn't there?"

"Tracey!" Astoria said, eyes wide in disbelief. "I swear to Merlin, if you keep-"

"Mr. Jack Libby?" Tracey called out, interrupting her.

The father and son pair stood up at the announcement and made their way to the desk where Tracey led them down towards the exam rooms.

"Not much longer yet, I'm sure of it," Astoria said, giving Draco an apologetic smile.

xxx

"Well, that's the kitchen and Exam Room One fixed up," Harry said, patting the man next to him on the back. "Just three more to go, Zappling."

"How joyous," Zappling said, looking anything but.

"Let's see who's in the next room, shall we?" Harry said, feeling giddy. "Any guesses? STI? Cellulitis again? Foreign object stuck somewhere it shouldn't be?"

Zappling sighed. "We're still not done with the names, eh?" he said with a weary look. "Do you even see patients? I've been here since morning, fixed two god-awful PrimJax faucets, and all you've done is make a guy even more uncomfortable than he was when he came in. And he had an infected butt!"

Harry grinned in response. "I know," he said, placing his hand on the man's shoulder. "Isn't it glorious, Zaperoo?"

Zaperoo knocked Harry's hand off his shoulder and clenched his jaw. "zap. For the last time, it's zap. Lowercase z, thank you very much."

Harry quirked his head. A lowercase letter. How fascinating.

"Alright, but seriously, what do you got?" he said, getting back to business. "I'm going with foreign object."

"Can I please just go in and fix the faucet?" Zapariah asked, looking tired.

"No," Harry said.

Zapariah dropped his head and then sighed. "Fine," he said. "I'll go with STI."

Harry nodded in approval as he turned the handle and swung the door wide open. He let Zapariah enter first once again, and Harry watched in pride as he ignored the patient and went straight to work.

What a pro. He'd come a long way already.

Harry strolled in behind him and plopped down on his stool, turning to face the short balding man on the exam table. "Right, what's wrong with you then?"

As he looked up from the file in his hands, Harry was surprised to see a young auburn-haired boy pop up from behind the man's shoulder. He had a snotty nose, his entire left nostril red and irritated.

Harry sighed.

"Is he fixing the sink?" the man asked.

"No, the faucet. It was a PrimJax one," Harry said as he flipped through the file to find the intake form.

"Oh, ours was already changed this morning, what a disaster they are."

Harry let out a throaty chuckle at that. If there was ever a day to see the blonde-haired ferret, today would be the prime one. Unfortunately it didn't make the prospect of doing so any better.

But he was feeling giddy today. Getting back to his roots as the cantankerous Healer Harry, every supervisor's nightmare. Not to mention the progress he was making with Zaperiah and the utter humiliation Draco was facing with the PrimJax business. Yes, he definitely felt a large uptick in his mood today. And to think...it had started so horribly. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted, one he hadn't realized had been slowly building, settling on his shoulders.

With that in mind, and being eager to see who won the bet, Harry made a stab at what was wrong. "Let me guess, foreign object up your child's nose?"

The man didn't need to reply. The defeated look in his eyes said it all.

"Hear that Zapariah? Foreign Object," Harry said, pumping his fist in triumph. "Healer Potter, one. Zapariah, big fat zero."

"I didn't even want to play. I just guessed so I could get on with my job," Zapariah said, shaking his head in annoyance. "And how many times do I have to tell you, it's just zap. Not Zaperoo, Zappling, Zappity, Zappa or any other perverse, preposterous permutations of my name!"

In the face of such fury, Harry had only one response to defuse the situation-Lockhart's five-time winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile.

"Don't be so bitter about losing. We've still got another exam room to go," Harry said with an encouraging look. "You can tie this up, ol' boy. Just give it your best and hope for a little help from Lady Luck."

Zappini threw up his hands and turned around, obviously not wanting to acknowledge his losing score.

"Can you help my son?" the patient asked, returning Harry's attention to him.

"Depends, what's stuck up there? Action figure? Food?"

"A toy fly."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. "Pardon?"

"Daddy has one up his nose, t-" the young boy said, his father covering his mouth before he could finish.

"Something you want to share with the class?" Harry asked with a grin.

As embarrassment washed over the man's face, Zappini stopped tinkering with the faucet and turned around.

"Daddy bet me I couldn't put a fly up my nose," the boy piped up, dimples showing on his face as he smiled. "So I did it, but he didn't believe me when I told him!"

The boy folded his arms and pouted, clearly still troubled by this.

"I looked up his nose and couldn't see it," Fly Man said with a shrug.

"Well, strewth! It flew up my nose. Of course you couldn't see it!" Fly Boy explained, much to Zappini's amusement. The plumber was failing to hide his ever-growing smile behind his hand.

"So let me get this straight," Harry said, turning to Fly Man. "You put a toy fly up your own nose after that to see if it was possible. Because you didn't believe your son?"

Harry seemed to hit the nail on the head if the man's sudden fascination with his shoes was anything to go by.

"There's a charm on them, like Chocolate Frogs," Fly Man explained. "They don't animate once they're in your mouth. For safety reasons, you know."

Harry hummed in response.

"But I guess it doesn't apply to the nasal cavity," Fly Man said in embarrassment. "So, now we've both got moving toy flies stuck somewhere up our noses."

Fly Boy nodded in enthusiasm. "And if I don't tell mummy, then I get two candy bars!"

Fly Man sighed. "Fair dinkum."

"That's cash money, dawg," Fly Boy said with a grin.

Harry looked over to Zappini, whose chest was shaking as he failed to suppress his laughter. "2-0, Zappini!"

xxx

"Have you even told Potter that we're here?" Draco said, very much fed up at this point.

He was standing up, arms crossed, staring daggers at Tracey who had the Daily Prophet open to the centre story. Astoria didn't have to look to know there was a picture of Draco in there, speaking to the press in his bright blue PrimJax robes.

"I may have mentioned it," Tracey said, flattening the newspaper out with her hand. "He's very busy, you see. We've had a plumber in the clinic all morning fixing faucets, stepping on Harry's toes as he tries to see patients. Poor bloke can't get any proper work done."

"Oh, don't you bloody start on that again," Draco said, pointing a finger at her. "I've had enough of this, you hear?"

Tracey took her hands off a stack of files and held them up in a calming gesture. "Really, Draco?" she said in a tone that would be infuriatingly calm to him. "If you'd had enough, you would have walked right outside that door. But instead, we get to discuss your faults until Harry has a chance to fix your plumbing issues."

"Davis, I'm going to-"

Tracey held up a file and shoved it into Draco's face, causing Astoria to roll her eyes and stand up from where she'd been witnessing the scene play out.

"Mr and Mrs Astoria Greengrass?" Tracey called loudly as though they were at the other end of the waiting room.

Astoria said a silent prayer of gratitude that they could finally get this day over with. She took Draco by the hand and pulled him towards the clinic rooms at once.

xxx

"Any guesses as to what's behind the final door? It's your last chance, make it a respectable one, Zapperelli," Harry said as they approached exam room four.

"The score is nearly tied," he said, rolling his eyes. "You don't get two points for two toy flies. That was one patient room."

"But it was fine to award two points for the last room?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. "Skin infection caused by a foreign object? Two points for one patient but not two points for two patients. You're being a bit biased, don't you think?"

Zapperelli let out an exasperated breath. "Whatever. You can have all the points you want if you just call me zap. Lowercase z. a. p. You know-my name."

Harry shook his head. "No can do, Zaphano. I'll find one that sticks, eventually," he said, smiling brightly.

"zap," he groaned, raising his hand to his forehead and massaging it his temples.

Harry gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "So, what'll it be, Zappitha? What's your pick?"

Zappitha bit his lower lip, the corners of his eyes scrunching up. "STIs," he said eventually. "We've had foreign objects, skin issues, and skin issues with foreign object. Gotta go with whatever's left."

"Good choice," Harry said with a wink. "But I'm going to toss things up this time. I'll go with sexual performance issues."

The young man raised an eyebrow but shrugged, waiting for Harry to open the door.

Harry, of course, could already guess who Tracey had set up in the fourth exam room. It was late enough in the day that his coffee had already settled into his system, but not too late that he could use lunch as an excuse to bugger off. In other words, prime Malfoy appointment time. Tracey definitely wasn't paid enough.

He didn't have to guess what Malfoy was here for. Rumours spread quickly in the Wizarding World, especially when they had to do with someone as detested as Draco Malfoy. How he had charmed and kept his much-too-good-for-him wife, Harry would never know.

Shaking his head of the thought, Harry plucked the file off the wall and noticed a sticky note on the front of it with Tracey's handwriting.

Be nice to Astoria. Give Draco what he deserves, I've already done my job.

Harry smiled. If he was being coerced into this, the least he could do was enjoy himself.

He swung the door open and gestured for his companion to go first. "After you, Zaplardy."

The young man closed his eyes and sighed. "This is the last room. Can you please just go with zap, just this once?"

Harry merely raised his eyebrow until Zaplinski shook his head and walked inside.

Upon entering, they were greeted by a voice that Harry hadn't heard since Hogwarts.

"Potter," Malfoy said, malice dripping from his tone.

Harry gave him a wide grin. "Ah, Draco! How good of you to come supervise Zaplinski here while he replaces all of your faulty faucets… Well, maybe not all of them."

"Harry," Astoria said, making her presence known as she stepped forward.

"Astoria, darling! So wonderful to see you," Harry said, turning and beaming at her. "You look ravishing, as usual. Why you lug that filth around with you, I'll never know."

Malfoy clenched his jaw. "Potter, if you could stop hitting on my wife, kick out this plumber, and do your job, then we could get away from each other as quickly as possible. I think we'd both agree that'd be best."

This was wonderful. Draco wasn't even feigning faux politeness. Tracey really had done quite a number on him already.

"Ah, well, Zaplinski here is doing a very important job. Faucet recalls, they just can't be delayed. But you'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Draco?" Harry said, not even trying to hide his smugness.

"Ah...delayed," Draco said, fire alighting behind his eyes, "A word you must be intimately familiar with by now. Tell me, how many times has your pending engagement party been delayed? At this point, why even have one?"

Harry fumbled with the quill in his hands before setting it down. "Love can't be rushed unlike the recall of your faulty faucets," Harry said, deftly riposting the previous comment. "What was that Prophet article entitled? PrimJax Profits Circling the Drain?"

Draco cleared his throat. "Ah, that old rag. The same one that printed the lovely piece entitled Potter-Weasley: Estranged Engagement Ending? Yes, I believe that's wh-"

"Alright boys," Astoria said, interjecting before things could escalate further. "Verbal duelling is at an end, it's time to discuss what we came here for, kapeesh?"

Harry nodded but knew he'd have more than enough opportunities to needle Malfoy later. He looked to Draco and saw that he'd been effectively cowed by his wife. And bringing a fist to his mouth, he coughed out a small, "Whipped," before clearing his throat.

A snort of amusement came from where Zaplinski was busy working under the sink.

Astoria shot her husband a look of warning, cutting off any retort he might've made. She then patted the spot beside her on the exam table and he dutifully sat down.

"Right, what's wrong with you then?" Harry said, falling into his familiar role.

Draco shot a significant look at Zaplinski. "He's not staying for this," he said in indignation. "Kick him out."

Harry blinked twice. What a perfect opportunity to use his version of Lockhart's five-time winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile. He took a second to prepare himself and then did his best imitation of it for the second time today.

Why had he stopped doing this?

"Harry, you may torture my dearest to your heart's content when I'm not in the vicinity," Astoria said, hopping off the exam table and stepping towards him. "But I'd prefer to not hear repeats of your infamous Hogwarts byplay."

Harry frowned. Why did Draco have to marry such a sensible woman? Even belittling him, he could not find fault with her. He sighed and pulled up the clipboard, "Fine, what's wrong with you then?"

Astoria rolled her eyes. "As if you don't already know, Harry. You work with Tracey and Tracey talks to Daphne."

"Yes, well, it's not like I'd be your husband's first choice of healer," Harry said, letting his eyes drift to Draco who was staring determinedly up at the ceiling. "You must have tried seeing another healer who was at least somewhat competent."

"We did," Astoria said, giving an insistent nod. "But...none of them have been able to help us conceive a child."

Harry rubbed his chin. "What have they tried?" he asked, bringing a pen up to transcribe his notes. It was mostly for Tracey's amusement, of course. She'd love more dirt on Malfoy.

"Potter," Draco growled. "My wife isn't going to discuss this in front of an audience."

Harry looked around the room, his eyes resting on each of the other three occupants in turn. Yes, he could easily remedy the situation. "My apologies," he said as politely as he could manage. "Let me just take care of that."

Harry stood up and made his way to the door in three quick strides. He opened it and swung his head and arm out, locating an all-too-familiar button and pressing it. Tracey had been right, he hadn't gotten rid of any fangirls properly in a long time.

He ducked back into the room and shut the door, a bright smile on his face.

A loud whoosh sounded in the room.

Zaplinski had stopped working, his jaw lowered as if he wasn't able to comprehend what had just happened. Astoria, who had not been sitting on the exam table portkey, was pinching the bridge of her nose. Harry could hear her counting under her breath as though trying to maintain her composure.

"Now that the unwanted party has been removed, did you want to get on with this?" Harry said, returning to his stool, trying and failing to keep the pleased smile off his face.

"Harry," Astoria said through clenched teeth. "I've spent weeks trying to get my husband here. I had to get dirt on Tracey to even have a chance to make you see us."

She brought her stormy blues eyes up to meet his. Behind the frustration, Harry could see weary disappointment, and it made him feel a smidgen bad for what he'd done. Not enough that it could be considered anything close to regret, of course. But enough to make him feel something other than pure unadulterated glee at the thought of Draco having to go through a battery of tests at St. Mungos after arriving from an emergency portkey from a licensed Healer.

"Yes, well, I'm not sure it's in anyone's best interest to allow for more mini-Malfoy spawns to inhabit the world," Harry said, closing his file and wondering where he should head to for lunch.

"And, besides," he continued, standing up. "I agreed to see you, not treat you. Go find a Healer that doesn't detest Draco. There are some good ones on the continent. I'll even refer you-singular you. I'll not be referring Draco anywhere."

Astoria let out a heavy exhale as she made her way to the door. "That's the thing, Harry," she said, looking up at him with a frown. "We've already seen the best of them. And none of them have been able to help." She looked away and opened the door to leave. But just as she was about to turn, she stopped and added one more comment.

"If we weren't so desperate, do you really think I would have gotten Draco to come see you for help?"

She shook her head with a frown and then walked out the door, leaving Harry to stare after her.

Astoria was a gem and entirely too good for her husband. Only someone like her could make him feel bad about withholding services from a person he'd be glad to never see again.

He sighed and looked to Zaplinski. He was just finishing up and the least Harry could do was buy him lunch. He'd put the young man through enough today.

"C'mon, Zaplinski, hurry on up and I'll treat you to lunch at the local diner. It's only fair now that I've unnecessarily subjected you to Malfoy."

"It's zap," the young man said. "Is it really too much to ask that you call me zap?"

Harry didn't respond as he gathered his things and prepared to leave.

He waited for Zapasaurus to finish up and then sent him to his office while he went to notify Tracey he was off for lunch. He hoped she'd noticed the number he'd done on Hermione's kitchen organization. It would surely put a smile on her face.

Harry was making his way towards the front when Tracey came bursting into the hall. From the look in her eye, he could tell she was livid.

She walked right up to him and thrust a finger into the sensitive spot where his shoulder and chest met.

"Merlin, Tracey, what's the matter w-" Harry began before her irate voice cut him off.

"I asked you for a favour, Potter," she spat at him.

Use of his last name...this wasn't good.

"And while I would've congratulated you for portkeying Draco, making Astoria leave in tears is-is… Argh!" She threw her hands up and glared at him.

Harry carefully removed her finger before addressing her. "She wasn't happy when she left, but she certainly wasn't in tears," he said, trying to recall what might've set her off.

Tracey almost shook on the spot. She was so agitated, her jaw clenched tight and her eyes drilling a hole through him with her angry stare. "The poor woman was desperate enough to force her husband to ask the last-the very last-person on earth for help to conceive a child. Then you go and tell her the world is better off without mini-Malfoy spawns? Are you mad? What the hell has gotten into you lately?"

Harry cleared his throat and shifted his eyes away. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'," Tracey said. "When I told you to get your balls back, I didn't mean for you to be an irredeemable arse. If you didn't want to treat them, you could have just told me. I'd have let her down lightly. There was no need to stomp all over her dream and then spit on it."

"I...I didn't mean it like that," Harry tried, though the words sounded hollow even to his own ears.

"Just get out of here, Harry," Tracey said. "Go get lunch and don't come back. I can't deal with you anymore today."

Harry just nodded. This wasn't a battle worth fighting and Zap was already waiting for him.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Harry stepped out of the fireplace and looked around at the empty sitting room of the Burrow. He'd managed to make it Sunday tea consistently since he'd started dating Ginny again, but he was always the last to arrive.

Well...not always.

Harry stared at the table of Weasleys as he stepped out into the garden and sighed at the missing sight of his fiance. "Ginny not here yet?" he said, taking a seat next to Bill and Fleur.

Fleur shook her head with a sympathetic look that made Harry frown in thought.

"She's at Quidditch practice," Bill said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Shouldn't you know that?"

Mrs Weasley spoke up from down the table before Harry could answer, giving him a warm smile. "How's work been, dear?"

"Er...fine," Harry said, glad for the change of subject. "Well...could be better. Had to see Malfoy the other day."

George snorted at this. "Oh, I'd pay to be able to see his face right about now," he said. "The PrimJax story has been in the papers for weeks."

Several people nodded, conversation erupting around the table.

"Is it true they're on hiatus now?" Ron asked through a mouthful of food. "That they've halted all new product development?"

Bill shook his head. "They're starting from scratch as we speak. Reworking their entire stock."

Ron wheezed out a laugh. "What an embarrassment, honestly," he said, picking up another chicken leg. "They could do with a break, you know. Might help them find some proper Hope and Healing."

Everyone broke out into murmurs of agreement.

"All right now," Arthur said, holding a hand up. "Let's settle down. What happened to Mr Malfoy was a right shame, and I wouldn't wish it upon any of you. It's A Different Kind of War dealing with a failed business and press coverage."

"Dad, come on," Ron said. "It's bloody hilarious. He started that stupid PrimJax company with all these high hopes and dreams only for it all to blow up in his face."

Bill threw a firm look at his brother. "I'm with Dad on this one," he said. "Other people's failures are not something to laugh about."

Fleur gave him a loving look and patted his arm.

"What was he there for anyway, Harry?" George said through a mouthful of potatoes. "Are the rumours true? His faucet not functioning properly, as well?"

"George!" Molly said through a hiss. "I did not raise you to mock the misfortune of others."

George raised his eyebrows in innocence. "Mum, what do you take me for?" he said, holding a hand to his heart. "I would never mock Astoria Greengrass's misfortune for marrying a sod."

Ron let out a bark of laughter over his goblet, causing Molly to frown in his direction.

"Are you going to treat them, Harry?" Fleur said beside him, her voice soft and entreating.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at her. "Oh, God, no," he said, cutting his chicken up with a fork and knife. "Why on earth would I do something like that?"

Bill clenched his jaw hard next to his wife.

"Harry," Fleur said in a softly admonishing tone. "I know you don't mean that."

Harry took a bite of his chicken and nodded. "I do," he said. "Clinic duty is bad enough without seeing Malfoy's ugly mug every day, thank you very much."

"Wow...Harry Potter not fulfilling his moral obligations as a healer, who could've fathomed," Bill said in a dry voice.

"Nah, I'm with Harry on this," George said. "The world doesn't need more Malfoys running around."

Harry gave a nod of agreement.

Bill set his fork down with a loud clang. "You're an absolute dickhead, Potter, you know that?" he said.

Fleur put a hand on Bill's arm to calm him down before turning to look at Harry. "What Bill means to say, Harry," she said, frowning at her husband. "Is that you should really consider their feelings as prospective parents. Don't you remember how hard it was for Bill and I to conceive Dominique?"

Harry cleared his throat and avoided Fleur's eyes. "Quite?"

"Very," Fleur said with a sad smile. "Who are you to deny them a chance at a child, Harry? Draco Malfoy came to you of all people. Surely you're their last hope."

Feeling somewhat guilty, Harry set his fork and knife down.

"You know something? I used to think you were a little shit at times," Bill added, leaning in past his wife and pointing a finger at him. "But you've been bloody unbearable lately. I think it's time you have a look in the mirror and ask yourself who the hell you've turned into."

Silence fell around the table as Bill's words rang in the air.

Harry felt his half-eaten dinner turn in his stomach, so he pushed his plate away. "I admit, I may have been a tad harsh with Malfoy and Astoria," he said, avoiding everyone's eyes. "But I've been...as they say….stressed...recently."

He could feel every pair of eyes on him, and he suddenly wished that he could be alone.

"What do you mean, Harry?" Fleur said, laying a hand on his arm.

He opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of footsteps approaching interrupted him.

"Sorry I'm late!" Ginny said, placing a quick kiss on Harry's cheek and taking the seat beside him. "What were we talking about?"

"Just work," Harry said, returning to his dinner.

Ginny nodded, not asking him to elaborate. And Harry sat there as she broke out into the usual discussion of engagement party planning that he privately loathed, even though he would never admit it aloud.

All the while, he let his mind wander to Astoria Greengrass and her unfortunate lump of a husband. Conception was never too difficult a case to solve in the Wizarding World. And Harry had to admit, he was slightly intrigued that no healer could figure out what the issue was.

Though he hated to admit it, Tracey and Fleur were right. He'd been out of line with Astoria. He couldn't care less about Malfoy, but she deserved better than that. Harry needed to be better than that.

Perhaps this case was the way to get back to his old self again. The rush of solving a medical mystery always had a positive effect on him. And he needed to get to the bottom of whatever the hell was wrong with him.

"I'll do it," Harry announced, cutting Ginny off mid-sentence.

Her forehead wrinkled in surprise. "You will?"

"Yes," Harry said. "And not because of Bill's little tantrum."

"Piss off," Bill said.

"No, thank you," Harry said with a polite smile. "No...I need to get my mojo back. Solve another case."

At this, Ginny pursed her lips in a thin line and crossed her arms. "You've got to be kidding me right now."

"Not in the slightest," Harry said.

"You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"

"Afraid not, no."

Ginny threw her hands up in the air and huffed. "Just be at the appointment tomorrow," she said, getting up from the table and sliding her chair back in rather roughly. "I swear to Merlin, Harry, if you're not there…"

She stalked off before finishing her threat, leaving Harry to return to his dinner.

Chatter broke out once more around the table, and Fleur leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Appointment with the florist," she said.

Harry smiled in gratitude and gave her a wink.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Harry stared at the woman sitting across from at the desk. She wore thick tortoise-shell glasses that obscured the better half of her already scrunched-up face, her beady little eyes appearing smaller behind the large frames.

"Will she be much longer, do you think?" Beady Eyes asked.

Harry glanced down at his watch and furrowed his eyebrows. "She must be late getting back from practice," he said.

Beady Eyes flattened her mouth in a frown. "I have appointments all day, just so you're aware," she said. "I have to remain on a strict schedule."

"Booming business, the doily industry?" Harry said.

She chose not to respond, levitating a giant binder onto the table and letting it fall with a loud thump.

"We have numerous prints to choose from in various shades of-"

Harry tuned her out, he didn't need to become an expert on doilies. He frowned as he watched her point out different ones, each one looking nearly identical to the previous.

"That one," Harry said, picking one of the white ones at random as he spun the binder back towards her He tapped the top of the page before standing up, giving a nod of farewell, and walking out the door.

xxx

"You've got a choice: lion suit or a cat-girl costume," Harry said, doing his best to look professional.

"We're not wearing your stupid muggle costumes, Potter," Draco drawled out. "We've already had all the best healers run every magical scan there is. Request those results from them."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "And what if there's a new magical symptom you're experiencing that wasn't present at the time? What if they made a mistake?"

"None of the other places required suits of any kind," Astoria said, though her eyes drifted towards the cat-woman suit interest.

Harry gave her a placating smile. Astoria wasn't perfect, her choice in husband more than exemplified that. "I specialize in diagnosing rare magical and medical diseases that leave other healers at a loss. You know that, it's why you came to me," he said, looking back and forth between them. "Now, do you honestly believe I don't also have specialized equipment to help me do so?"

Astoria crossed her arms and gave him a hard look. "When you have a sister who's revolutionized our understanding of magic with her work on the Importance of Intent, then yes. Yes, I do," she said. "Don't fool yourself, Mr Potter, I'm not nearly as naive as you believe me to be."

They stared each other down for a moment before Harry shrugged and placed his pen down on the clipboard. "Fine, if that's your choice," he said. "I'll need you to strip."

Instead of blowing up as Harry might have expected, Draco only gave him a flat look. "My wife isn't stripping for you, Potter."

Harry shifted his gaze to Malfoy. "Why would she be the one to strip? You're obviously the problem," he said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Just make sure to keep your knickers on, I don't need you to Free Willy."

"Potter, my husband and I aren't stripping," Astoria said in a voice that left little room for argument. "Just run the tests, and we'll be on our way."

Harry placed the file on his desk and sighed. "Look, I know you both think I'm messing with you," he said. "But if I'm going to run these scans, I can't have any interference."

"And how would these...costumes be any different than the clothes we have on?" she said, her fingers running over the smooth cat-suit.

"You're both wearing charmed clothing, correct? Acromantula Silk or some other magically sourced material?" he asked, raising a knowing eyebrow.

Malfoy's lips thinned, causing Harry to smirk in triumph. He tossed the lion suit at him before addressing them both again.

"Go on and ask Daphne if you're still unsure. She'll confirm that even the most minute interference from magical clothing can throw off a scan," he said before nodding his head at the suits in their hands. "Those costumes are made of magically insulated material. That's why I use them."

Astoria crossed her arms, giving Harry a calculating look. "I will ask her," she said finally.

Harry smiled. "Good."

"For the love of Merlin, Potter, did it have to be a lion?" Draco spoke up suddenly, voice coming out in a growl.

Harry grinned at the irony. "Tracey picked it out for you, specifically," he said, standing up and heading towards the door. "I'll leave you to change for now. I'd rather not witness Malfoy's pastiness first hand."

Malfoy's answering string of swears was muffled by Harry shutting the door with a loud click.

xxx

"As you can see, we have many different options for centrepieces," Glaring Gap-tooth said, projecting various images over a large basin in front of them. "You can go with a nice bouquet-real or fake. You can have candles, different types of vases, lanterns-"

"That, that, and that," Harry said, pointing at various projected objects.

Glaring Gap-tooth opened his mouth then closed it. Then opened it once more. "Mr Potter...are you sure-"

"Very," Harry said, standing up and smoothing down his robes. "Just send me the bill by owl, will you?"

The man simply stared for a moment before accepting his proffered hand and shaking it.

"Wonderful doing business with you," Harry said, tipping an invisible hat before turning around and leaving.

x-x-x

"So, did Daphne confirm what I said last time?" Harry said, spinning on his stool to face the Malfoys.

Astoria rolled her eyes. "To my great disappointment, yes. She did," she said, already in the process of taking off her outer robes.

Harry beamed. "How wonderful," he said, looking between them. "Now, I didn't want anything to affect the test results, so I had some new costumes made, just for you two."

He reached behind him and produced a Wonder Woman costume that he tossed at Astoria and a pig costume that he tossed at Malfoy.

"You couldn't find something else, Potter?" Malfoy said through clenched teeth.

It said a lot about Malfoy's emotional control that he hadn't pulled his wand out at Harry yet. Of course, Astoria's hand squeezing his forearm might have also had something to do with that.

"It was by request," Harry said with a shrug. "I couldn't deny this person."

Malfoy narrowed his eyes. "Tracey," he said, practically spitting out the name.

Harry shook his head with a smile. "Someone else."

"Daphne," Draco hissed out.

Astoria let out a loud sigh. "Look, if amusing yourself with these stupid costumes makes you better at your job, then I'll wear whatever the hell you want me to," she said, giving him a firm look. "But can we please just get on with this?"

Malfoy stared at his wife before turning to look at Harry as well. "Tori's right. I'm willing to strut around naked for you all day if it lets us finally conceive, Potter," Draco said, his cheeks burning crimson after a few seconds as though just registering what he'd said. "I mean…"

A small giggle left Astoria's mouth which she immediately tried to muffle with her hand.

"Please, just...put on the costume," Harry said, shuddering at the mental image as he got up to leave the room.

x-x-x

Harry pulled the door open to Quality Quidditch Supplies and stepped inside, glancing around for a moment before walking over to the lone employee sitting at the back of the shop.

"I'm here to create an engagement registry," Harry said, folding his hands behind his back.

The young teen glanced around as though unsure who Harry was speaking to. But upon seeing no one else in the shop, he cleared his throat and stood up. He had the appearance of someone who'd been stretched past their limit, long spindly arms and legs, a disproportionately short torso.

"A registry, you said?" Spindly Limbs asked, taking out a sheet of parchment and quill, his cheeks burning red. "Erm...okay, what shall I write down?"

Harry took a moment to look around, perusing the various shelves, walking past the broomsticks set up in the front window, and then circling back towards Spindly Limbs.

"Everything," he said.

Spindly Limbs's eyes widened. "Right...yes, perfect," he said, carefully writing the word 'everything' down on his sheet of parchment before looking back up. "Great! You're all set, Mr Potter."

Harry smiled and held out a hand for the boy to shake. "Excellent."

x-x-x

"Well, I have some good news, some bad news, and some worse news," Harry said, staring at Draco and Astoria who were sitting on the exam table in front of him. "What would you like to hear first?"

The pair exchanged a worried look. "We'll start with the good news," Draco said, grabbing his wife's hand and rubbing his thumb against the back of it.

Harry gave a dutiful nod. "Right, well...the good news is there's nothing wrong with you magically or physically," he said, aware that his tone conveyed little optimism.

"And...the bad news is you have no more leads?" Astoria said, gripping the table hard as though bracing herself.

Harry's eyebrows knit together. "What? Good heavens, no," he scoffed.

Her eyes widened at that.

"No, no, see most healers don't bother with muggle medicine," Harry said, rummaging through the desk drawers for his clipboard. "But I'm not most healers."

Draco sneered at that. "What are you planning on doing to us, Potter?"

Astoria glared at her husband. "If it'll help us conceive, we'll try it," she said, her hand coming to rest on Draco's thigh.

Harry nodded as he walked over to the file cabinet, thumbing through various folders until he found the form he was looking for. He slipped his wand into his hand and discreetly modified it to add a few more questions.

"This is a form used to ask some important family history questions," Harry said, attaching it to his clipboard. "Muggles place a lot of emphasis on genetics which, if you may not know, is the study of-"

"We know what genetics are, Potter," Draco said in annoyance.

Harry gave him a pleasant smile. "Splendid," he said. "Then I'll just go ahead and ask you some of these questions, Draco."

Astoria raised an eyebrow. "Don't I need one, as well?"

"No," Harry said. "I've already looked into your family history with Daphne's help. From what we can tell, the Greengrass line hasn't had any notable issues with conception in the past."

"Ah," Astoria said with a grateful smile. "Well, thank you for being so thorough."

Harry dipped his chin and then flicked his eyes down to the form. "Right, back to business," he said, skimming over the two pages. "Looks like we'll start with your history, then move onto your family's."

Draco pursed his lips but didn't argue.

"First question," Harry said, bringing his fist up to his mouth and clearing his throat. "Have you ever had any trouble achieving and/or maintaining an erection?"

Draco's mouth fell open. "Excuse me?" he said, voice going higher in pitch. "No, Potter, I don't have any sexual performance issues, thank you very much!"

Harry glanced over at Astoria whose lips were pressed tight into a thin line.

"Alright...moving on, then," Harry said, looking back down at the form. "Has your father ever had any trouble achieving and/or maintaining an erection?"

Draco threw his hands up in the air. "How the hell would I know?" he said. "Does it look like I ask my father about his sexual activities?"

Harry merely shrugged. He was about to move onto the next question when the sound of Astoria clearing her throat stopped him.

"Erm...actually, Draco...your mother and I do speak on such things," she said in a small voice. "And...Lucius doesn't have any issues getting it up, not from what I've been told."

"Oh, for the love of-! Great...brilliant," Draco said, his entire neck flushing red. "Just what I needed to know..."

Astoria turned to look at Harry who was leaning forward with interest. "And if it helps..." she continued somewhat hesitantly. "Narcissa has shared that Lucius is normally 'rock-hard' before he's fully undressed. While Draco, on the other hand, requires some...coaxing to get to the same state."

Harry blinked once. Twice. Three times.

If Draco was flushed before, he was positively burning now. Yet he remained silent, letting his wife's words hang in the air.

"Yes...yes, that helps," Harry said, scribbling down 'requires coaxing' beneath the previous question before moving onto the next one. "If there were methods to help you achieve erections, would you be interested?"

"Oh, yes," Draco blurted out before clearing his throat and glancing down to the floor.

Harry kept his head bowed as he marked that down, trying to maintain professionalism by keeping the grin off his face. "Right, well, we'll just...continue on then."

But the clipboard was snatched from his hands before he could read the next question.

"'When was the last time you had an erection? How often do you have sex?' You plan to ask all fifty of these filthy questions, Potter?" Draco asked, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the clipboard. "I'm not answering these for your entertainment!"

Harry held a hand up. "Believe me, discussing your sex life is not my idea of a good time," he said. "I'm only trying to confirm something."

"And what's that, exactly?" Draco said through clenched teeth. "I don't appreciate you prying into our personal business."

Harry gave a shrug before getting up to check the magical sensors. "Mhm, just as I hypothesized," he said, perusing the logs.

"What is it?" Astoria said at once.

He turned to find her standing up, one hand squeezing Draco's shoulder.

"Given what I'm seeing," Harry said, flipping through the chart again, "there are two possible issues. And, for all I know, it could very well be both of them..."

He bit his lip and rubbed his chin in thought.

"Well?" Draco asked when Harry didn't continue. "What are they?"

He turned to face them both, folding his hands behind his back. "The first seems to be the more likely of the two," he said, taking a seat once more. "An Intent issue."

Astoria immediately let out a groan. "You've got to be kidding me," she said, dropping her head in her hands. "Did Daphne put you up to this?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Not at all," he said. "I've come to this conclusion based purely on my own findings," he said, holding the chart up for emphasis. "But I'd be interested to hear why you sound so sceptical."

She let out a heavy sigh. "If I have to hear the words Importance of Intent one more time…" she said, shaking her head. "It's beating a dead horse at this point."

Draco nodded along with her. "I hate to say this about my own sister-in-law, but at times she can really be a one-show pony."

Astoria frowned as she looked at her husband. "One-trick pony," she said.

"No...one-show," Draco said.

"I've heard they're synonymous," Harry offered helpfully. "But one-show really does not make any sense."

Astoria nodded in agreement. "Why was it only the one show? Was the pony only good enough for a single show? If so, then how does it only have one trick?"

"It really just causes more confusion," Harry said.

Draco merely rolled his eyes. "Can we just focus back on the point here?"

Harry and Astoria looked at each other and silently agreed to let it go for now.

"Daphne won't shut up about my Intent," Astoria explained. "It's always: 'Tori, you'd conceive if you just fixed your Intent issue' or 'You'd already be working on your second if you just focused on your Intent'," she said, doing a spot-on impression of her sister. "It has to be more than that, it has to be."

Draco gave his wife a sympathetic look and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Shh, it's okay," he said, rubbing her arm up and down. "I don't care what your sister or Potter say. Your Intent isn't the issue."

Astoria looked up her husband with big doe eyes and hugged him.

Harry tried to keep the bile from rising in his throat. "As much as it hurts me to say this, Draco's right," he said with a grimace.

Astoria turned her head to look at him. "He is?" she said, her voice filled with hope.

"Well, partially. He's right that your Intent isn't the problem," Harry said before letting his gaze rest on Malfoy. "But his Intent is."

Draco's eyes widened. "Wha-m-mine?" he asked, voice going higher in pitch.

"Yes, Stutters McGee, yours," Harry said.

"And how do you figure that, exactly?" Draco asked, tone caught between annoyance and uncertainty.

Harry rolled his eyes. "The magical scans I'm holding," he said, waving them in front of his face.

"What about them in particular, though?" Astoria asked, her blue eyes narrowed as if not daring to have hope just yet.

"Well, it was easy, really," Harry said with a shrug. "One of the first things I noticed was how reactive Draco's magic was to his emotions. So I attempted to create scenarios that would elicit specific emotional responses from him that I could then compare to the independent variable-in this case, his emotions surrounding conception."

Harry paused for a moment to make sure they were both following along. Astoria gestured for him to continue.

"Right," he said, opening up their file to show them a series of graphs. "What the scans showed was the resulting impact on his magical signature from the following emotions: embarrassment, horror, worry, annoyance, anger, and finally...the unknown emotional variable of conception."

Astoria and Draco exchanged a bewildered look before turning back to Harry. "And you've found something," she asked, both of her hands squeezing Draco's right.

Harry nodded. "When the topic of having a child was brought up, you can see that his magic was agitated," he said, pointing to one of the graphs. "It showed similar properties to the graphs of fear, worry, and shame."

Draco spluttered for a moment, glancing between Astoria and the graphs Harry was shoving in their faces. "But I'm not," he insisted. "I'm not any of those things. I want this."

He turned to his wife and looked her in the eye. "I want a child with you, Tori," he said, practically pleading with her to believe him.

Astoria's lips parted, her face set into a frown. "But is it true?" she said in a soft voice. "Does the thought of having a child make you feel all this? You feel shame, Draco?"

"Erm, if I might interject," Harry said, holding up a finger. "The shame could simply be due to the additive effect of fear and worry. That is...he's ashamed he feels this way. Not ashamed to have a child with you."

Draco's eyes briefly met his, and Harry spotted a flash of gratitude in them that seemed entirely out of place on the man's otherwise arrogant-looking face.

Astoria blinked a few times and shook her head. "I still don't understand. What's making you feel all these things, Draco?" she said, placing a hand on his cheek. "You can tell me, you can trust me."

Harry stared at them. At Astoria's hand on Draco's face, at the thumb brushing back and forth across his skin. It was pure, unadulterated concern, affection, love. And for a moment, he was drawn to it, his eyes growing unfocused and his mind travelling to a place it hadn't been to in what felt like years.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, sweet French-lilted voice...

He closed his eyes and shook his head, focusing back on the conversation happening before him.

"I-I just..." Draco said before breaking off with a tired sigh. "It's my father, Tori. I don't want to be like him, it terrifies me to even think of being like him. What if-what if I...I can't..."

"Hey," Astoria said, pulling him in for a hug and rubbing his back in comfort. "You are not your father, you hear me? You may have been a little snot when you were young, but you've changed so much, Draco. For the better. All for the better. And you want to know something?"

Draco gave a quick sniffle and turned away to rub his eyes. "What?" he said.

Harry watched as Astoria turned his face back towards her. "I loved you even then," she said, giving him a tender smile. "And I'll love you always. Through all the good and all the bad."

He nodded and rubbed at his eyes once more. "Even if I raise another snot like my father?"

"You won't," Harry interjected.

They both turned to look at him in surprise, as though forgetting he was there.

"I don't even like you, and I can tell you that you've grown to be a much better man than he ever was," Harry said, placing all the pages back in the file and gathering his things.

Draco stared at him, his eyebrows lifting in surprise. "Oh, er...thanks, Potter," he said before correcting himself. "Harry."

Harry gave him a nod and stood up, glad for this case to finally be closed. It hadn't been a very difficult one. Though it did require some ingenuity that he was certain other healers wouldn't have attempted.

But he couldn't deny the feeling of pleasure he got from witnessing Astoria and Draco smiling ear-to-ear with newfound hope. Perhaps there were worse things in the world than Malfoy spawn.

"Oh, Harry?" Astoria said just as he was about to walk out the door.

He paused and turned around. "Yes?"

"What was the second issue you mentioned earlier? You said Intent was more likely, but there was something else as well?"

"Ah," Harry said, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. "I considered the fact that Draco might be gay."

The sound of Draco's spluttering left a smile on Harry's face as he turned and walked out the door without another word.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"I just can't believe it!"

Harry let out a long sigh as he rested his head back against the couch.

"I asked you weeks ago to get this done, and now look where we are!"

He watched as Ginny paced in front of him with the letter in her hands, wrinkled from how often she'd crumpled it up. "You couldn't answer a simple correspondence, and now we're out a venue for our engagement party," she said, placing her hands at her sides. "I don't understand you sometimes, Harry. It's like you don't even want to get married!"

Harry realized he had yet to respond when Ginny turned around to face him, raising an expectant eyebrow.

"I do," he said, looking up at her. "Ginny, of course I do. I just…"

She threw her hands up. "You just what?" she demanded.

Harry stared down at his lap and shook his head.

"Talk to me, Harry," Ginny said, sitting down beside him and placing a hand on his arm. "What's going on with you? You seem so distant lately."

The words brought back the memory of Astoria comforting Draco in the exam room the other day. The way she'd been so patient, loving, and genuine with him that for a moment, Harry almost yearned for something he didn't realize he'd been missing.

But as he stared at Ginny now, he felt a brief moment of reassurance.

Ginny listened to him, she comforted him, she was patient with him. She loved him. He was certain of it.

"I guess I just miss you," Harry said, placing a hand on top of hers. "I hardly see you these days, Gin. And I feel like I'm doing everything on my own here for the engagement party."

She pursed her lips together for a moment. "You know this is my busiest time of the season," she said, placing her hands back in her lap. "Finals are just around the corner, we have to practice harder now than ever."

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I know," he said. "Believe me, I know."

Ginny frowned as she stared at him. "Then what's the problem?" she said.

Harry thought about Tracey's words from earlier that week. How she'd noticed a change in him that went far beyond his newfound punctuality and worth ethic. He knew Ginny's feelings towards Tracey were less than friendly, but even Bill had mentioned something similar.

"Do I seem different to you?" Harry said, his eyes meeting hers.

Ginny leaned back a bit, looking surprised by the change in topic. "How do you mean?"

He gave a small shrug. "Have I changed?" he said. "In any way? For worse…for better?"

Her face seemed to relax at that, and she smiled, taking his hand once again. "Definitely for the better," she said, nodding. "And I'm not the only one who's noticed. Hermione was just saying the other day how much of a positive impact I've been on you."

Harry cleared his throat, carefully retrieving his hand from Ginny's and leaning forward against his knees to stare down at the floor.

"Look," Ginny said, placing a comforting hand on his back. "We'll figure out the venue. There's another place I was looking into. Not as posh as the last one, a tiny bit more rundown, but...it'll do. As long as we're there together, right?"

"What if I hadn't?" Harry said suddenly.

"What?"

He turned to look at her. "What if I hadn't changed for the better? What if I'd stayed the same?" he said. "Would you still want to be with me? Would you still love me?"

'I loved you even then.'

Astoria's words to Draco rang loud in Harry's ears, bringing back the same rush of yearning he'd felt in that moment.

"And I'll love you always. Through all the good and all the bad."

"Harry," Ginny said with an amused smile, staring at him as though they were in on the same joke. "We've had an on-again, off-again relationship for years now. If we're going to make this work, there's going to have to be some changes."

Harry swallowed hard and nodded. "Right, yeah," he said, unable to get rid of the small twisting sensation in his gut.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

If there was one thing that bothered Fleur about living in England, beyond the inferior food and general dreariness, it was the decor. The English had always been conservative, incorporating little of the contemporary wizarding style. One needed to look no further than Hogwarts with its traditional non-pleated, plain black robes, dimly lit corridors, and bland tapestries.

Fleur had embraced the culture without complaint when she'd married Bill, keeping all her disgruntled opinions to herself. But this was a whole new level of ghastly.

She looked around the room, unable to keep the grimace off her face as she took in the decor of Harry and Ginny's engagement party. How on earth had any designer agreed to this? Ceramic-white napkins, an ivory-white tablecloth, and off-white doilies all on the same table? It was an absolute eye-sore.

Who even agreed to the doilies in the first place? How horrifically gauche.

It was almost a relief that her dear little sister wasn't around to see this. Gabby would've baulked at the very idea of an engagement party, let alone one with over a hundred guests.

No, her little sister would have never made such an event out of something so lovely and cherished. Just a small gathering of those closest to her to share the news-parents, family, siblings, and her dearest of friends.

Fleur sighed as her eyes trailed over the centrepiece. A large off-white doily was set on the table with an ultra-modern bowl filled with antique candle holders. But instead of traditional style candles, there were glowing balls of light floating over them, leaving the candle holders completely redundant, serving only to clash with the rest of the decor. Traditional doily, modern bowl, traditional holders, modern light.

The entire centrepiece offended her on a stylistic level. But even worse than that, it spoke volumes about the couple being celebrated today.

She'd been hesitant to speak her true feelings about Harry and Ginny as a match. At first, Bill had convinced her that it was just her reluctance to see her darling brother-in-law with anyone but her dearly departed sister.

But as time had gone on, the feeling had only grown. Harry had been so full of life with Gabby. She'd enhanced him, just as he had done for her. Together the two of them became greater than the sum of their parts.

Ginny and Harry, on the other hand, seemed to drain each other's life forces the longer they were together. For a long time, neither had been willing to compromise or make changes. Instead, they'd pushed at each other, butted heads until Harry, the blessed man that he was, had finally begun to give in. It hadn't been noticeable at first, even to Fleur. But over time, it had become abundantly clear that he was changing. And despite what Ginny and Hermione believed, Fleur knew it wasn't for the better.

If this was allowed to continue, Harry would only grow more and more bitter by the day.

In the end, Harry and Ginny were much like the elements of the centrepieces before her. Separate, they were lovely in their own unique ways. Together, they clashed, painting a stark picture that left much to be desired.

x-x-x

Fleur looked around the room until she spotted Harry and walked towards him with her jaw set firm.

"We need to talk," she said, taking his arm and dragging him to the back corridor.

"Whoa," Harry said, releasing his arm from her grip. "Slow down, what's going on?"

Fleur pursed her lips. "I should be asking you that," she said, folding her arms tight. "Look around, Harry. Have you seen this place?"

Harry looked up and down the corridor before turning back to Fleur, one eyebrow raised in question.

She let out a huff of exasperation. "The main hall," she said, gesturing behind her. "It's an absolute eye-sore. Nothing matches, there's ten shades of white, it's both modern and traditional, it's extravagant in some parts and bare in others. And for Merlin's sake, all the guests bought gifts from Quality Quidditch Supplies. Does any of that seem remotely okay to you?"

Harry's face fell at this. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes for a moment. "What are you suggesting, Fleur?" he said.

She took his hand in hers and squeezed it in comfort. "I'm suggesting that zero effort went into this party because both members of the relationship couldn't be bothered to care."

He shook his head at this. "No. Ginny and I...we just haven't been on the same page lately, okay?" he said. "We've both been busy. Ginny with Quidditch, me with bloody Draco Malfoy. We just…"

"You just what?" Fleur said, letting her voice grow softer. "Talk to me, Harry. You're a brother to me still, you know that. After Gabby…"

The look on Harry's face at the mention of her sister's name broke her heart. No matter how much he pretended otherwise, she knew he'd never be able to move on from her death completely.

Neither would Fleur.

"You and Gabrielle were soul mates, Harry, I know that," she said. "You were perfectly in sync. Better together, but just as great apart. And you know how I know that?"

Harry visibly swallowed. "How?"

"Because she never changed you," Fleur said firmly. "You were still the same old, prickly knotface you always were, but with more smiles and laughter. And more importantly than all that...your heart never changed, Harry. You've always had the biggest heart. "

He looked down at the floor, shoulders slumped. "You think I've changed, too."

Fleur stared at him in sympathy. "In some ways, yes," she said. "For the better, but also for the worse."

Harry nodded as though expecting this answer.

"You haven't got that light in your eyes anymore," she said with a sad smile. "I remember hearing you speak about cases in the past. You were always so excited, so exhilarated. It was like a high to you. Even outside of work. You had this...presence. Bold and brash. You never cared what anyone thought of you. And don't get me wrong, there have been good changes. You're more punctual, reliable, you follow more rules."

Harry's face grew disgruntled at her words. "I sound like a prat."

She let out a small laugh. "You know I love Ginny," she said. "And I love Hermione. But I fear they're attempting to transform you into someone you're not meant to be. There's nothing wrong with keeping the good. But I just wish I could see more of your spirit, Harry. I miss it. I really do."

Harry cleared his throat as he continued staring at the floor. "So...how do you propose I get it back?"

Fleur sighed and placed a hand on his cheek. "I can't really be the one to tell you."

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, I was worried you might say that."

x-x-x

Astoria frowned as she overheard the last of a quiet conversation taking place between Harry and Fleur Delacour.

They both turned their heads at the sound of her footsteps entering the corridor.

"Sorry," Astoria said with an embarrassed smile. "I was just..."

Harry straightened up at the sight of her. "Ah, Astoria," he said, with a polite smile. "I didn't realize Ginny invited you. Is your prat of a husband here as well?"

Astoria gave him an unimpressed look. "Yes, Draco is here," she said. "Sorry to interrupt, I was just looking for the loo."

"Oh?" Harry said, facing lighting up. "Need a place to spew those guts out, do you?"

Both Astoria and Fleur frowned and stared at him in confusion.

"Cause you're preggers?" Harry said by way of explanation.

Fleur clicked her tongue loudly and smacked Harry across the shoulder. "Mind your manners!"

Astoria merely rolled her eyes. "I'm not pregnant, yet, no," she said. "But thanks so much for your concern."

"Huh...not what I was expecting," he said, rubbing his chin in thought. "But no matter. Patience is a virtue, eh?"

He patted Astoria lightly on the stomach before giving them both a nod and walking back out the corridor.

Fleur shook her head and offered Astoria an apologetic frown. "You'll have to excuse him, he's not right in the head sometimes," she said, holding out a hand with a smile. "I'm Fleur, by the way."

Astoria accepted the handshake. "Yes, I know. I'm Astoria Malfoy."

Fleur's eyes widened at this. "Ah, I see," she said. "Yes, I've...heard about you."

"Oh?"

She looked slightly abashed. "Well, there are rumours, and...Harry's not very tight-lipped about who he's treating."

"How wonderful," Astoria said with a sigh. "But it's not like all of Britain doesn't already know that Draco and I are trying to conceive a baby."

Fleur gave her a sympathetic frown. "Look, I know I'm a stranger to you, but...I've been there," she said, placing a hand on her arm. "My husband and I struggled to conceive our second child for years, but we managed it eventually. And...I know Harry is not the most pleasant person to be around, but he's an excellent healer."

Astoria wasn't sure what to say to that, feeling momentarily taken aback by the woman's words. "Did you and your husband see Harry, as well?"

"Oh, God no!" she said with a laugh. "No, luckily I got pregnant before having to go through all that. I was fortunate to have my maman to speak to on these matters. She struggled with conception issues as well."

Astoria felt something in her sink at those words. She stared down at the floor for a moment and breathed out a shaky breath. "Yeah...I've often wondered if…" she said before shaking her head. "My mum...well, she passed away years ago."

"Oh," Fleur breathed out. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine…"

Astoria nodded. "It's okay…" she said, looking back up at her. "I've just been thinking about her a lot more these days. Sometimes I wonder if losing her...well-maybe it's had more of an impact on me than I ever thought it would."

"How do you mean?" Fleur said, eyebrows furrowed.

Astoria shrugged. "She died when I was so young. My father raised my sister and I," she said, staring down at her fingernails. "I've never told anyone this before, but...I think a part of me is terrified that I won't know how to be a mother myself because of it."

Fleur shook her head at once. "No. No, you mustn't think like that," she said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Listen to me, no one knows how to be a mother at first. You learn as you go. You give your children as much love as you can, and sometimes that's all you can do. But it's enough. Believe me on this. You're going to a fantastic mother."

Astoria swallowed hard, feeling a lump growing in the back of her throat. And before she realized what she was doing, her arms were around Fleur in a tight hug.

Fleur shushed her in comfort, patting her back gently. "There, there. Chin up, chéri," she said. "This attitude won't help you make a baby. And I'm sure the last thing you want is to spend even more time in Harry's office."

She let out a watery chuckle. "He really is the worst sometimes," she said, wiping her eyes.

"He's not usually like this," Fleur said with a sad smile. "It seems the stress of his relationship has finally caught up to him. And unfortunately, we all have to suffer for it."

Astoria raised an eyebrow. "His relationship with Ginny Weasley, you mean?" she said. "Are they having problems?"

Fleur sighed and closed her eyes. "Let's just say...it's an explosion waiting to happen."

x-x-x

BOOM.

A sound like a blast reverberated throughout the room. And for a moment, every occupant inside the main hall was shocked into silence.

"What was that?" Ginny said along with several others, all poking their heads around to find the source of the noise.

Harry and Ginny were sitting at the main table, directly perpendicular to the kitchen doors. And that detail would have been insignificant if it were not for what happened next.

Like a cannon shot, the doors flung open and a violent flood of water burst forth. Harry quickly side-stepped it, but Ginny's Quidditch-honed reflexes failed her when she needed them most. She let out a piercing scream as the giant wave crashed straight into her, drenching her from head to foot.

Several sighs were heard around the room as the water settled, everyone grateful to Ginny for serving as their human shield.

Harry stepped away from his sopping fiance and poked his head into the kitchen to find the waiters and staff gathered around a lone sink in the back, their eyes filled with wonder.

He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "Of course," he said, his gaze settling on a familiar piece of hardware attached to the sink. "Primjax faucet?"

One of the cooks nodded gravely. "Primjax faucet."

Harry made his way over, spotting the tacky logo engraved on the side. "Don't worry," he told the kitchen staff. "I know just the man to call."

x-x-x

"Oh, for the love of..." Zapmeister said as soon as he caught sight of Harry. "An emergency call on a Saturday night, and it just has to be you of all people, doesn't it?"

"Zapmeister!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms out for a hug. "So good to see you."

The young man shut his eyes for a second and then replied, "zap. Just zap. Lowercase z-a-p. That's it."

Harry looked around with a grin. "Don't worry, everyone. The Zapperdoodle will sort this out right away, so we can get back to it."

"Yeah, well...I'll just go and do that, then," Zapperdoodle said, his shoes squeaking as he walked into the drenched kitchen.

Harry followed after him along with several other party guests who gathered at the entrance to peek in. Draco was at the head, his neck flushed in embarrassment at the scene he'd inadvertently caused.

Everyone watched as Zapperdoodle got straight to work, opening up his magical toolbox and unsheathing his wand like a sword.

"Tell me, Zapperdoodle," Harry said, loudly enough for Draco to hear. "You see this a lot with PrimJax faucets? Exploding pipes, gushing water, drenched floors?"

"Just zap is fine, thanks," Zaperodactyl said, wiping off his forehead on his sleeve. "But there's more to it than that, even."

Harry felt giddy. "Oh?" he said. "Please, do inform us."

The young man shrugged and threw a rag over his shoulder. "Different models had different problems," he said, grabbing one of his instruments from the toolbox. "The first model had a flow issue-or just a lack of flow, really. Couldn't handle variable pressures. They'd lock up to the point where you just had to relieve the pressure yourself, so to speak."

Harry's eyes found George's in the crowd, pleased to find him holding back a laugh. "And this model?" he asked.

"Well...if I had to guess," Zaperodctyl said. "I'd say it was an acceptance issue."

"Acceptance," Harry said, raising an eyebrow. "Like the water is flowing, but the faucet won't accept it?"

Zaperodctyl stopped what he was doing to explain. "From the look of things, it appears the water can flow variably but the valve isn't handling it well," he said, turning back to the task at hand. "Sometimes you fix one thing only for another to break. For example, I had this job once where..."

But the rest of zap's story was lost on Harry, his thoughts fixed instead on the sentence prior.

Sometimes you fix one thing only for another to break.

Harry thought back to his encounter with Astoria in the corridor. For a moment, he'd been certain that she was pregnant. A few weeks had passed since their last visit to the clinic, and Draco's Intent issue had been resolved. And Harry knew they were trying.

But still no luck.

His thoughts travelled to Daphne, to her study on the Importance of Intent, and her failed efforts to diagnose Astoria. To Harry's successful efforts in diagnosing Draco.

But what if he wasn't completely successful? What if there was more to it than both he or Daphne could have hypothesized.

Harry looked around until his eyes found Astoria and headed towards her at once, bumping and elbowing his way through the crowd.

"You grew up without a mother around," Harry said, hauling one of Ginny's Quidditch teammates out of the way.

"Oi, watch it!" the unnamed woman cried.

"You lacked maternal role models your entire life?" Harry continued, undeterred.

Astoria stared at him with her mouth hanging open. "Harry, what…" she said, looking around in embarrassment. "How do you even know that?"

Harry held back a groan of impatience. He'd forgive her the unnecessary question. It was a high-stakes moment.

"You shared during one of your clinic visits that you and Narcissa discuss sexual matters with each other," he said. "How Lucius is always rock-hard while Draco always needs some coaxing?"

"Oi!" Draco yelled out.

Astoria nodded. "That's correct," she said, shushing her husband. "But what does that have to do with-"

"That's not something you'd talk about with a mother-in-law if your own mother was around to ask," Harry continued, giving her a sympathetic smile. "Also, Daphne gave me your family history."

"You little-!" Draco said, trying to reach around a party guest to grab at Harry.

Harry leaned back on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm right, aren't I, Astoria?" he said, addressing her once more. "You're worried about becoming a mother because you've never had one yourself."

She bit her lip, staring down at the wet floor.

Astoria looked to her husband and then back at Harry. "I- I…." Her mouth shut as she looked back at her husband.

"You have an Intent issue, Astoria," Harry said, trying to keep his voice gentle. "You've had some concerns before, enough that Daphne knew to look into it. But they didn't develop into actual fears until Draco expressed his own insecurities that day in the clinic. They must have set yours off as well, enough to subconsciously affect your magic."

"Tori," Draco said, turning to face her. "Is this true? How on earth could you think that you wouldn't be a good mother?

She shrugged helplessly and rushed towards him for a hug. "I didn't want to worry you," she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder. "After you brought up the thing about your dad, I started to worry about how I could be a proper mum if I never had one myself. And I love Narcissa, but...you were a right prat until shortly before we started dating, Draco. You know that."

"I think we all know that," George said.

Several voices spoke up in agreement.

"...now the last model has got some serious issues."

Harry frowned as he looked over to Zapperoni who was so invested in his faucet talk that he'd been unaware of the conversation happening around him.

"Yeah?" Harry said, walking back over to him with an amused smile. "And what are those, Zapperoni?"

"It's z-"

Harry waved him off with his hand. "Aren't you going to tell us what the last model's issue is, Zapperdingle?"

A cacophony of voices broke out behind Harry.

"Tell us!"

"Go on, tell us!"

"We want to know!"

"We've had like two different conversations since then, we've nearly forgotten what you were even talking about!"

zapt held up a hand to get everyone to simmer down. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you," he said with a good-natured smile. "Now...the last PrimJax model failure is quite possibly the worst yet."

The room was rapt with attention.

Draco groaned.

"See, it's the water itself," Zappitydoodah said, using his hands as he spoke. "In an effort to aid in conservation, PrimJax charmed the water to continuously renew itself through a makeshift hydrological cycle. But here's the rub...if you have even a drop left on you after you've used your faucet...it'll stay there forever...doubling, tripling...until you finally cast the counter-jinx."

Several intakes of breath sounded in response.

Harry frowned in thought. "And which of the models are you working on now?"

Before Zappitydoodah could answer, a throat cleared loudly, interrupting the conversation. "Excuse me!" Ginny exclaimed, pushing her way through the crowd, her shoes squelching loudly, leaving a trail of water in her wake. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is my engagement party, not another episode of Healer Harry!"

"Our engagement party," Harry said under his breath.

"Also, what the hell is wrong with this water?" Ginny said, twisting her hair and squeezing it out onto the already drenched floor. "I'm soaking!"

Her words caused the entire room to fall silent, the only sound the steady drip drip of water droplets falling from Ginny's fringe, down her face, and pooling off her nose to the floor.

"Ginny, so good of you to finally join us," Harry said, unable to keep the exasperation out of his voice. "You just missed all the action."

"Join you?" she practically shouted. "What about me? You just left me there to fend for myself while you ran off to find answers. My fingers are starting to prune, Harry!"

He sighed. "Look, can we talk somewhere else? It's feeling a bit crowded in here."

Ginny looked almost relieved. "Yes, please."

Harry brought his wand up to his throat and cast a Sonorous Charm. "Everyone, we're moving back into the main hall. Zappitydoodah needs peace and quiet while he works."

Zappitydoodah saluted him before sticking his head back under the sink.

Once all the party guests were back in their seats in the main hall, Harry turned back to Ginny. "Right, let's talk," he said, his voice still amplified by the charm.

"Say what you-" Ginny said before pausing. She brought her own wand up to cast the Sonorous Charm as well. "Say what you wanted to say to me before."

Harry let out a heavy sigh as he tried to gather his thoughts. He knew what he needed to do. It had been at the back of his mind for weeks now, but recently it was all he could think about. His conversation with Fleur earlier had cemented it. "I don't think we can carry on like this," he said. "You and I, Gin. We're just not good for each other."

Ginny's arms had been at her hips but they fell at his words, a spray of water hitting Harry in the process. "I wish I could say you were wrong, but...I've been thinking the same, Harry," she admitted in a small voice. "You make me a worse person...and I make you a better one. It's not fair to either of us."

Harry took her slippery hands in his and stared at her. "Ginny, I love you, but...you'll never compare to my soul-bonded, Gabby. At first, I thought it was because she and I were soulmates," he said, giving Ginny a warm smile. "But it turns out, you just make me miserable."

"I understand," Ginny said with a nod, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering from her still-moist robes. "It was like that with Jean-Jaques Pierre-Phillipe Babineau-Béliveau."

Harry quirked his head to the right. "Who?"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" she said, shoving him in the chest. "My deceased husband, you pillock!"

Harry wiped at the damp spot on his shirt. "Ah, that's right. Bighead Garcon-"

"Cédille included!" George yelled out, to which Harry nodded in thanks.

"Bighead Garçon," Harry corrected, looking back at Ginny who was in the middle of flicking a water droplet from the end of her nostril. He blinked as it hit him in the face. "So…is this it, then?"

Ginny sighed, staring around the large room with a frown on her face. "Yes, Harry," she said, her eyes fixed on the centrepiece of the table nearest them. "This is it. I think it's safe to say you and I will never work out."

A collective sigh was heard around the room at those words.

"So we're done?"

"Yes, Harry. We are done."

Harry grinned, feeling a weight lifting from his shoulders, shivers spreading inside his chest and firing to the tips of his fingers.

He had a brief moment of deja vu, his mind flitting back to a memory of a scene much like this one. Only it was Ginny's wedding years ago. And he was with Gabby instead, his wife, his beloved, his soul bonded, the love of his life. They were standing in the centre of the room, kissing for the first time. An explosion of fireworks setting off inside him.

He could almost feel them in this very moment, vibrating in his chest, practically hear them going off around him.

He could hear them going off around him.

Harry separated from Ginny and looked around at the ceiling where several indoor Weasley Wildfire Whizbangs were being set off at once.

"What's going on?" Ginny exclaimed. "What is the meaning of this?"

He turned to see Ginny rushing towards George, sidestepping two large puddles on the floor on her way.

"You," Ginny hissed, reaching out to grab George by the shirt.

George held his hands up in defence. "I can explain."

"Can you? Be my guest!" Ginny said, her hands leaving pools of wetness on the fabric. "Why did you bring fireworks to my engagement party that contained the message 'Welcome back to the Bachelor-Club Harry!"

"Well, it was either this or the wedding," George said as if it were obvious. "We've been taking bets on it for weeks. Big event, you and Harry in attendance. Something was bound to happen, it always does."

Several murmurs of agreement followed his words, and Harry nodded along with them.

Ginny clenched her fists tight, causing a stream of water to shoot off them. "Look, I can handle a horribly organized venue, I can handle a PrimJax faucet bursting and shooting me with a jet of water, I can handle never being dry again for as long as I live. And I can most definitely handle breaking off an engagement with my on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again boyfriend," she said, her face turning redder and redder by the second. "But I draw the line at custom message fireworks!"

At this, she turned on her squeaky heel and stomped out of the hall, slamming the large double doors so hard that the off-white doilies on the table nearest the door flew off and landed right into a large puddle on the ground.

"Well...I quite liked it, George," Harry offered with a shrug. "And seeing as you all came here for an engagement party, but there's no more engagement...that just leaves us with a party! We've got booze, food and entertainment all paid for. So...let's pump it up, gang!"

As if on cue, Lee, the former MC now turned DJ, pointed his wand at the large speakers, causing "Pump it Up" by the Black Eyed Peas to start blaring at maximum volume.

Everyone stood up at once and whooped loudly before breaking out into applause and dance.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"You know, I can't believe how helpful that guy was," Zapperdoodling said, leaning back against the porch step behind him with a glass of orange perfection in his hands.

"Brazilian Beta?" Harry said, sipping from his own glass. "Yeah, he's always offering his services. Works at like sixteen different places, I've no clue how he does it."

Zapperdoodling nodded in thought. "And the middle-aged man following him around making mean and sarcastic remarks?"

"Ah, that's, Swiftie Stan. He is kind of an arse, yeah," Harry agreed. "But he means well-when he's not gushing about Taylor Swift. You'll always find those two hugging."

Zapperdoodling took another sip of juice as he continued staring at the scene before them. "You said your wife's name was Gabby, right?" he said, turning his head to look at Harry.

Harry gave a solemn nod. "That's right, Zapperdoodling."

"zap," he said. "But that's interesting, isn't it?"

"What do you mean, Zapperdoodledingdong?"

Zapperdoodledingdong shrugged. "Just...interesting pattern. Gabby...Ginny…" he said. "Both start with G...both double letters. That on purpose, or…?"

"Huh…" Harry said, taking a moment to consider his words. "Gabbrielle has two double consonants... Maybe that's where I went wrong with Ginny? But no...I'm more inclined to believe that Gabby was my soul mate, and everyone after her just….won't ever compare. Good thought, though, Zapperdoodledingdong."

"zap," Zapeolololololololololology said automatically. "So...what are you going to do then? Not date?"

Harry snorted in derision. "Just go celibate and make my poor godfather turnover in his grave?" he asked. "My poor Zapeolololololololololology, what would ever give you that idea?"

"I came all the way to Brazil with you, can't you cut it with the nicknames?" zap asked, almost desperate.

Harry clicked his tongue. "Oh come on, mate," he said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Look at you. Look at that face! You're way too cool for zap."

zap sighed, hanging his head toward the floor before looking back up at Harry. "Fine, okay," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "Fine. But at least let me pick the nickname."

Harry considered this offer for a moment before nodding. "Fair," he said. "What'll it be, then?"

zap turned his glass of OJ around in his hands as he took a minute to think about it. "zapt," he said, finally. "I like zapt."

Harry raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.

zapt smiled brightly. "Anyway, what are you going to do about the girl situation?"

"Ah...right," Harry said, going back to the matter at hand. "See, now I know that there's never going to be one girl out there for me that can fill the hole Gabby left. So...maybe you're right. Maybe I should be looking for somebodies instead of somebody. Thanks for the advice, zapt!"

zapt frowned for a moment before shrugging. "I'm not sure that's what I meant but… Cheers, I'll drink to that."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Hey all, with the holiday season arriving, we'd like to make a request to all of you. The holidays aren't easy for all, and many families require assistance from local food-banks. With Covid-19 going on, a number of regular food-bank programs are scrapped. This is a great year to find a local one to support. Nobody should be hungry at this time of year. Every dollar makes a difference, a real difference, in people's lives. So, if you can, give and support to your means.

If you're living in America, you can use the following website to donate: feedingamerica dot org

Thanks!

We'd also like to take a moment to thank/blame the following people:

Firstly, and most importantly, we'd like to thank zap. For no other reason than the fact that he is zap. We're not sorry we harassed you for days on end. You have to admit, it was worth it.

Secondly, we'd like to blame Nauze. If the outline to his story had been done, this would have been chapter 4, not 3. The long-term dedicated employees of Eucla's former Scurvy Clinic still curse the day you were born for introducing Orange Juice to the locals. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Thirdly, we need to thank Petrificus Somewhatus for writing the Importance of Intent. He gave us the plotline to all future HH chapters as well as his rights to the word Intent when he signed the SalTalStudios contract. We also want to remind you that your pay is still docked. And you're still not getting that Christmas bonus. Contact our HR department if you'd like to appeal this decision. They are open noon to three pm on the sixth Thursday of the month.

Fourthly, we'd like to thank PrimJax Inc. for failing in all of their endeavours. You made the plot richer just by being yourselves. Don't ever stop being yourselves. Ajax, your application is being processed. Please await further instructions. You will be faxed a Myers-Briggs Personality test that you should complete forthwith in order to determine if you will fit the vivacious environment of SalTal Studios. We'd also like a DNA test. You don't need to know why.

Fifthly and sixthly, we'd like to blame Triage & Rose for simply being too awesome. SalTal Studios would like to offer you a free tour of the premises along with one voucher for the Eucla Scurvy Clinic.

As always, you stay classy, Euclanites!