It Felt Like That

by possumcuddless

Following the Battle of Hogwarts, everything has changed. Voldemort is dead, the Wizarding World can breathe again, and Harry and Hermione must learn to navigate the complexities of a relationship between two friends-to-lovers with a broken bond and a lot of healing to do in a world they've never known. Sequel to It Feels Like This, but should be able to be read by itself.

12. Savior Complex

Hermione almost canceled her ticket out of fear. Fear of what exactly, she wasn't sure. Fear of not finding her parents or fear of finding them. Fear of what was going to happen next. Fear of going on a trip alone. Completely alone. Maybe a little of it all.

She'd checked, double checked, and triple checked her to-do list, her packing list, the small bit of information she had on her parents, and the amount of money she had against how much it would take to get her to France. She hadn't caught the look in Harry's eyes when she'd told him the truth, but she knew he understood. He couldn't go with her, and she hated that, especially now that it was the day of and her nerves had finally caught up to her. She had her ticket, her money… what was she missing?

"Where are you going?" Draco asked as she rolled her trunk out of the bedroom. She hadn't counted on him being here in the middle of the morning; usually she only saw him at night and had no idea what he got up to during the day unless he was flying with Harry.

She set the trunk on its side and stepped in front of it. "Nowhere. What are you doing here?"

"I came to get a book," he explained, holding it up to prove himself before gesturing at the trunk that was clearly visible behind her small frame. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"I-I am, actually. I'm going to find my parents. I told Harry I'd wait until after his trial was over before I left, and I bought a ticket last week."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"That's dangerous."

"No, it's not," Hermione replied, but she knew she didn't even believe it.

"Why isn't he going with you?"

"You heard, Draco. He's not allowed to leave the country, and I didn't want to wait that long. The sooner I find them, the sooner I can put all of that behind me and not have to worry about the possibilities. I just… I need to take care of it before classes start again."

"I can come with you."

Hermione's eyebrows nearly blended in with her hairline as she let out a laugh. "I think that might be the most hilarious thing you've ever said. That's a good one."

"I'm serious."

"Why? What's in it for you?"

"Getting out of the castle?" Draco shrugged. "I'm kind of getting cabin fever."

"So you want to be stuck in a hotel with me for a month instead of in here where you can… go wherever you want?"

"A month?! You think it'll take that long?"

"I don't know, Draco," she sighed. "I don't know how long it'll take me to find them in the first place, so I can't really say how long I'll be there, but I've got the rest of the summer. I'm sure there are other people you'd rather spend time with than me."

"Yeah, well, they're not here, so… you're it."

Hermione let out a breathy laugh, unsure if he'd meant it as a compliment or not. She'd come to find out a lot of strange things about him over the past three weeks, even in the small amount of time she'd really spent with him. "Do you want to tell Harry, then, or me?"

Draco ran a hand through his hair and smirked. "Who says he has to know?"

"You don't want to go on a secret trip with me, Draco. I can promise you that. You wouldn't want to deal with that when we come back."

"He doesn't trust you?"

"I don't think it's me he doesn't trust. We've agreed to… to start working on getting back together and-"

"Yeah, I didn't figure as much. Look, I'll start packing and we'll call him up and let him know you've got someone who will take good care of you while he's unavailable."

"Well… word it like that and see how well it works out for you. He's already taking care of Crookshanks while I'm gone. It'll be like rubbing salt in a wound."

"Lucky for you, I'm good at that."

Hermione shook her head. "Go ask if you must. Then pack. I'd hate for you to waste your time."

Draco looked at her for a moment before nodding and walking out of the portrait hole without another word. He was serious? He was actually going to ask Harry if he could go on an extended vacation with her in lieu of him? She kind of wanted to be there for it, but it was probably best if she wasn't, considering she'd already had to admit to her own lie once.

"I thought you said your parents were in Australia."

She hadn't meant for it to slip out, nor had she meant to ruin the moment with the truth, but she would have had to tell him eventually. She had to be honest about where she was going. "I lied," she answered simply, suddenly conflicted between keeping eye contact or breaking it. She decided to keep it. It would be harder to tell the truth, but at least keeping eye contact would convince him that she was sincere. "I told you I sent them to Australia, but… I sent them to France."

"You lied to us? To the whole Order? To me?" He was starting to get nervous, anxious, angry. "They could have been in serious danger, Hermione-"

"And what?" she asked calmly, trying her best to keep her voice level so she wouldn't match his energy, so they wouldn't fight. She didn't want a fight. "What would you have done? I wouldn't have even known they were in danger, Harry. I wouldn't have been able to say anything and you wouldn't have been able to do anything. I knew that, okay?" Harry opened his mouth to reply, but Hermione shook her head. "Harry, listen to me. I did change their memories and I did send them away. They don't know I exist, but… I wanted to tell you. I did."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because if they managed to capture you or Ron and asked you for information, they'd find out the truth. They'd know exactly where they were. If I lied, they'd be in Australia, searching for people who weren't even there, and it would have bought me time."

Harry was quiet for a moment, finally breaking eye contact to look back out over the lake.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again, unsure of what else to say. She'd apologized. Now she just had to wait for Harry to forgive her. While they were on the subject, was there anything else she'd lied to him about?

"I'm trying not to be hurt, Hermione," he admitted. "Especially after-"

"We… when I told you, there was nothing… we weren't together. I… didn't think it would matter to you where they were. And you didn't question it-"

"Because I don't question you, Hermione. I have no reason to."

Have. Okay. At least that wasn't affecting their current relationship. "Remember when you were looking for that last butterbeer back in March and I told you the bottle broke?"

Harry looked back at her, furrowing his eyebrows. "I guess so."

"I lied. I drank it."

"You… drank it."

"Yes."

"And?"

"Well, I figured we were airing out all our lies, so I might as well come clean with that one, too."

He waited a little before speaking again. "I used to use your body wash sometimes in the tent. I know that's not a lie. Just a secret."

"Because you wanted to smell me?" she teased.

"Well, the first time was an accident, I promise! I think it was dark and I didn't realize until I'd already started using it. But then it had those little beads in it and it always made me feel cleaner or something, so I didn't use it often because I knew you were using it, but…" He looked back at her with a smirk. "Then I'd stay in there and smell you for a bit while I had a wank."

"Gross!" But Hermione was laughing too. "That's really creepy, Harry. I don't know if I can date you again after that."

"Somehow I don't believe that. We've already come this far. You're kind of stuck with me."

Hermione just smiled, her eyes looking him over, taking him in, thinking about what all of this meant. But she tried not to think about it too much, otherwise she'd get scared again. She'd fought so hard for the bad memories to stay out, but she wasn't quite there yet. She needed to think of more ideas. "That last bit… you didn't really do that, did you?"

Harry looked down at the grass before glancing back at her. "Uh… maybe once or twice," he admitted.

"Seriously?"

"Only when I had the locket on! At least… I think. Why? If you're worried about me thinking about you while I do that, I've got some bad news for you, Hermione," Harry laughed.

"No! No, I mean… we weren't together and you were… had you ever thought about me like that before?"

"Not intentionally."

"So… unintentionally?"

"Probably since I was fourteen." Hermione wasn't quite sure how to feel about that. It wasn't upsetting, necessarily, but it still made her wonder how easy it would have been for them to have avoided all this heartache. No - they'd still be here. He'd still have killed Voldemort and she'd have to force herself to stop thinking about it. "But don't act like you're completely innocent, either."

"What are you talking about?" When had she ever told him-

"That night in the tent. When you fell asleep in the chair and I woke you up. You were saying my name. And you made it very clear you weren't having a nightmare."

Hermione took a deep breath. "Why do you remember that?"

"Because of the way you looked at me. You'd never looked at me like that before. No one had ever looked at me like that before, and I knew exactly what you'd been dreaming about."

"...Oh."

"Was that the first time?"

She swallowed. "No."

Hermione busied herself with a fourth check over of her notes and inventory until Draco came back in, unscathed and pushing his sleeves up to his elbows. "All right, Granger, I'm in the clear."

"What did you have to promise him? An Unbreakable Vow that you wouldn't lay a hand on me?"

"Something like that," he smirked. When he didn't continue, Hermione leaned against the arm of the sofa. "He's… doing his best to trust me. And he knows you won't take any shit from me. I think he trusts me as your travel companion more than Weasley, which is saying something."

"Ron wouldn't go anyway," Hermione muttered. "I wouldn't want to go with Ron. But if you're honestly planning on coming with me, you need to pack. The train leaves in an hour."

"Train?"

"How did you think we were going to get there? We can't Apparate that far and I don't want to register a Portkey. And my parents are Muggles, Draco, or did you forget? You can't use magic unless you're just with me for this entire trip. You realize that, don't you?"

Draco scowled.

"Change your mind? Also, if we get there and they don't have any extra tickets, you won't be able to go."

"You can't just duplicate yours?"

Hermione frowned. "Oh… well, yes, that might work. Especially since they shouldn't be suspicious of any magical interference."

"See? Problem solving. I'll put that on my list of reasons why I need to go with you."

"You don't even know where I'm going," she huffed, suddenly desperate to find more reasons to convince him he didn't need to come.

Sharing a space with him definitely had not been what she expected. She thought things would be awkward after the first night, after her panic attack, but he just seemed to be more careful around her, at least when they were alone. He avoided her, mostly, but when they were in the common room together, he always put space between them, and she'd never questioned it.

But it wasn't awful. He was either civil or insufferable, but he only flirted with her in Harry's presence, which she didn't necessarily mind. It was fun to see him be the jealous one for once, and she tried not to enjoy it too much. She'd been a little nervous deep down as to how he would treat her, but it really seemed like he was trying to be a decent person, and Hermione, as annoying as it was, couldn't help but oblige in hopes that he'd come out of this able to be more than the rest of the Wizarding World would assume him to be. Greenwood told her she had a "savior complex". When she'd run out of things to say about Harry, she'd moved her eagerness to help Draco up to the top, because it really was bothering her. The man that she loved hated this man's guts - why did she feel the need to take him under her wing?

"You're using him as a distraction, Hermione. You feel like you've taken care of Harry and Ron's taken care of himself, and instead of continuing to focus on you , you've latched onto the one person who you feel needs the most help."

She'd denied it, of course. Draco most definitely hadn't been a distraction, but she wanted to keep Greenwood on her good side and didn't feel like arguing with her. But how long had it been since she'd written anything down in her journal? Days? That didn't matter. She'd been only taking half a sleep potion a night since Harry's trial. Speaking of which… she quickly dug through her bag to make sure her contraceptive was in there. Good. She checked it off the list again.

"Where are we going, then?"

"France," she answered in a huff.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You're taking me to Paris? How romantic."

"You wish. No, we're going to a small town. In the countryside, where there are no people."

"Perfect."

Hermione paused, crossing her arms over her chest. "Honestly, I don't understand your insistence on going with me. It's me , first of all, Muggle transportation, a Muggle hotel, hanging out with exclusively Muggles. I know you've changed, but not that much."

The portrait hole opened suddenly as a fuming Harry appeared, stepping into the common room. "What did you mean, I'm taking your girlfriend on holiday?! "

"I still have no idea how you keep getting in here."

" That was your way of asking!?"

"Well, it was effective, wasn't it?!" Draco grinned. "Look, I just offered to accompany Granger to go find her parents on your behalf, that's all."

"No. Absolutely not."

"Why does no one want me to go?"

"Because you hate Muggles!" Harry laughed. "You've spent the last, I dunno, probably fifteen years telling everyone that. A lot. At every chance you get. Why the hell would you voluntarily spend time with them?"

"Maybe I prefer Granger's company over yours," Draco answered simply. "You think I want to stay in my own room every night while she's gone with my own common room and everything?"

"You… you're saying that like it's a bad thing."

"It's a joke, Potter. Learn to take one, would you?"

Harry just stared at him for a moment, then looked at Hermione, his shoulders dropping. "If you just want to wait, I'll go with you-"

Hermione shook her head quickly. "I don't want to wait, Harry. I… I need to know if I can even restore their memories-"

"Restore their memories?" Draco piped up.

"Yes," was all Hermione said to him before turning back to Harry. She'd forgotten she only told the Order; she could fill Draco in on the rest later. "If I can't fix it, I'd rather know now."

Harry took a deep breath, his eyes moving between them, and Hermione almost tapped into the bond to try to see if she could tell what he was feeling, but she'd been good about not using it, and now wasn't the time to start. She was trying to trust what he told her.

"You're okay with him going?"

"Not particularly," Hermione answered, then reverted to, "I don't know. I know I probably shouldn't go alone, but I… I don't want to put anyone else in danger if things go wrong-"

"And you don't want anyone by your side if they do?"

"I don't need your protection, Harry. Either of you."

"Granger, you really think after everything we just dealt with, it's entirely safe for… I hate to bring it up… a Muggleborn to be traveling alone?"

"They've already caught a few Death Eaters," Harry defended, "and they're finding leads every day. McGonagall said especially since Kingsley's finally about to be Minister, it should be a pretty quick process-"

"There were a lot more people on his side than you think that aren't about to let themselves be caught."

Hermione could feel tears prickling behind her eyes. She didn't have time for this. She didn't have time to sit here while everyone told her she was wrong, and she really had no argument against Draco's statement. They had a train to catch, and that was the distraction she needed.

"We need to leave soon. If you're coming, then pack. If you're not, I'll be fine. I'll owl you when I can."

Without moving from the spot or taking his eyes off her, Draco summoned his trunk to the couch, and clothes began packing themselves into it. Hermione felt relief that definitely wasn't hers. Look at that - she could determine the difference after all. Take that, Greenwood.

"I'll still try to owl you, though, Harry," she said, ignoring Draco and moving to take Harry's hand. "I'll let you know what's going on since I don't know how long I'll be gone…"

"You have a plan, don't you?"

"Somewhat, yes. There are a lot of situations I won't be able to account for until I get there and see what's going on, but… yes. You know me. I don't fly blind."

"I know." Harry smiled softly, reaching for a strand of her hair. Her heart fluttered. She was really going to make this right, wasn't she? She was going to make everything right. She was going to restore her parents' memories and come back to Harry taking her on dates and there would be nothing else she'd have to worry about. Once she was back, she'd be free. No obligations. No mysteries. No one to fight except herself, though she'd much rather deal with the Death Eaters again. "I love you," Harry whispered with a grin.

The last time she'd heard him say it was in Diagon Alley, casually. This was purposeful. This was a come back to me . But his eyes were bright and deep and so loving that she missed him already.

"I love you, too," she responded, leaning up to kiss him. It felt a little strange, knowing that Draco was watching, but the bigger part of her didn't care. This was the last time she'd be kissing him for a while, and that thought alone made her reach for his shirt to tug him closer, snaking a hand through his hair.

Draco cleared his throat after a few seconds. "Are we catching a train or do you two need to get a room?"

"Shut up, Draco," Harry whispered, pulling Hermione closer, and she just laughed against his lips, but reluctantly pulled away. Now that their acknowledgement of the bond was out of the way, she felt so much freer when it came to being with Harry. It had definitely been a good idea, and over the last few days, they hadn't really talked about it, but Hermione knew whenever they made eye contact, there was a fluttering in her chest she'd subconsciously been trying to trample for the past month. These new memories with Harry were slowly but surely pushing out the old ones, the bad ones, the ones she didn't want, and whether that was intentional or not, she was appreciative. Every day felt like a step closer. But she still hadn't been able to conjure a Patronus, which was the most concerning thing. Maybe that would change, too.

"Bye, Harry."

"Bye, Hermione."

"Bye, Potter. Good riddance. Hand over your girlfriend."

"I don't know who you're going to make fun of on this trip," Hermione sighed, squeezing Harry's hand before they parted and she grabbed her trunk, "because I'm not above slapping you again."

"Well, I liked it the first time. I'm sure it'd be even better now. I like it a little rough sometimes, you know."

Hermione couldn't even think of any kind of response, and Harry was trying his best to not blow up again. When she finally turned to look at Draco, he was smirking.

Git.

"That was my last one, I swear. Honestly. On my father's life."

"Do you even care about your father anymore?"

"Of course. He's still got control over my inheritance. You think I want to be poor like the rest of you?"

"Oh, you mean that lovely manor you didn't want to stay in because it would be too lonely all by yourself?" Hermione cooed, making Draco's eyes narrow.

"Fine. You win this one, Granger. But just this one. I've got a whole trip of insults left."

"Can't wait. Harry, I will owl you if for no other reason than to have someone else to talk to, so I hope Artemis doesn't stay too busy. I'll need him. Believe me."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, but there was a hint of a grin on his face.

"This was your plan all along, wasn't it? To send me off with him so I'd be more excited to come back to you?" she teased.

"Not at all, but it's working like a charm. Be safe, okay?"

"Always." She kissed him once more before Hermione duplicated her train ticket and the three of them headed out to the Apparition point by the greenhouses.

Hesitantly, she stepped into the circle of stones with Draco and glanced down to his outstretched hand. "Well?" he began. Hermione shook her head, wrapped her fingers around his forearm over his shirt, and Disapparated.

They arrived outside of King's Cross and Hermione took a deep breath. She'd taken the first step, even though her plan would now be… thrown off track. Having someone else with her wasn't something she'd accounted for, but she could deal. She could hear Greenwood's voice in the back of her mind saying something like, Maybe it'll be good for you. Yeah, right.

"You're nervous."

"Imagine that." Hermione checked her watch. "Come on. We're going in the Muggle way."

"Why?"

"Because I want to torture you." She gripped her trunk and began walking around to the front of the building without waiting for him, but half a second behind her were another pair of wheels coming from Draco's. Strangely, she didn't feel as nervous once they transitioned into Muggle London. It was comfortable, nostalgic. Her territory, where there hadn't just been a war. There was a back entrance to King's Cross so that anyone who Apparated could go in that way instead of having to Apparate in the middle of the street, but Hermione always came in through the front with her parents, and she was desperate for an ounce of nostalgia. Maybe the more she did things the way she used to, the easier all of this would be.

The tickets were feeling heavy in her pocket, and she tried not to seem too nervous as she presented them, but even she couldn't tell which one was the duplicated one.

"Enjoy your trip," the attendant said with a smile, more nervously directed towards Draco. Hermione didn't turn around to even see what was causing it. She didn't want to know.

"Thank you," Hermione said quickly, charging forward again with Draco catching up. The rest of King's Cross was the same as they were used to, except they weren't going to their normal platform.

"Granger, wait up!" she heard Draco call, but it only took a few seconds for his long strides to match hers without a lot of people around. He grabbed her shoulder to turn her around and was met with a scowl.

"What?"

"You're just… if I'm coming with you, it would be nice for you to tell me at least what platform we're going to instead of just leaving me in the dust."

"Three. Why, you don't trust me? You think I'm going to lead you the wrong way?"

Draco's eyes narrowed, considering his answer. "I do trust you. I just…"

"Don't like not being in control?"

"Something like that," he replied with a suddenly tense jaw.

"Well, you're going to have to get used to it, Draco. I planned this trip and if you'd like a copy of the itinerary, I can provide you one once we get on the train, but there are only four trains a day to Paris and-"

"You said we weren't going to Paris."

"I said my parents weren't in Paris. We're making a stop for a couple days."

"Why?"

"Because I want to, okay?! God, does there have to be a reason for everything?!" She pulled her shoulder from Draco's hand and kept walking, trying to get her heart rate back to normal. She couldn't let her nerves get the best of her. Not right now. Not when they'd barely even gotten started.

Her outburst seemed to quiet him, and he didn't say another word to her until their trunks were loaded and they'd taken their seats, once it hit her that for the next two hours, she'd be sitting closer to Draco than she ever had. And he was acting like it was no big deal.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine."

"You're going to act like this the whole bloody trip, aren't you?" Hermione didn't answer. She wasn't even sure how she'd act. "It's not going to scare me off, you know, if that's your plan."

"Please stop talking."

"We've got two hours, Granger. Might as well get it all over with now, shouldn't we?" There weren't any other passengers around them, which Hermione figured was the reason Draco was suddenly so talkative, but she wasn't about to argue with him on public transportation.

"There's nothing to say, Draco. I don't know what you want me to talk about."

"I'm just trying to figure out why you're so angry with me," he sighed. "It's like you're a whole different person than you were at school and I'm not going to spend an entire month in bloody wherever we're going in France with you refusing to talk."

Draco was too close. She could feel the warmth of his arm nearly touching hers. She could move to any one of these open seats around them, but that would be cowardly, wouldn't it?

"I just get like this when I'm stressed, okay? There are a lot of things I couldn't plan for on this trip and I don't like it. And you coming with me just threw a wrench into it and now it's like the whole trip has been turned upside down."

He shifted a little to face her. "So you don't like not being in control, either."

"No. I don't."

"Seems like we're at a bit of an impasse then, aren't we?"

"Well, considering that this is my trip and my parents-"

"All I'm asking is to let me know what's going on." Hermione could tell he was doing his best to keep his voice steady, not to raise it in fear she'd retaliate. "I'd like to know what we're doing."

Hermione sighed again, reaching into her enchanted bag to pull out the schedule she'd made and handing it over to him. "Here."

"This isn't your usual handwriting."

"Why does that matter?"

"Why didn't you want Potter to come with you?"

"He can't leave the country, Draco. It's not that I didn't want him to come. It was part of his sentence."

"And you don't think you could have found a way around that?"

"What are you going on about?"

"I think you want some space from him."

"I don't-"

"But you were nervous about spending this much time alone. You wanted to get in and out."

"I don't care about-"

"You hate being alone, Granger. You've told me." He looked away again. "Why do you think I was so insistent on coming?"

"You… you came so I wouldn't have to be alone. Why?"

"I'd never hear the end of it if anything happened to you."

That didn't mean Draco cared. Or did it? Honestly, she couldn't tell, and theoretically, it shouldn't matter, but she remembered what he said to her. She was the only person giving him a second chance. How much of this was he trying to project on Harry without her realizing? And if he really had come to care about her, why was he hiding it?

None of it made sense.

None of this made sense.

Nothing made sense anymore, so who was she to judge?

Hermione wasn't even sure how to respond, so she just stayed quiet, watching Draco out of the corner of her eyes as he read over the schedule. A few seconds later, he handed it back and she slid it back in her bag, pulling out a book instead. If they weren't going to talk, and she truly hoped they weren't, she might as well find something to do. Draco just slumped back in his seat, relaxing a little and closing his eyes as his head leaned against the headrest. She could barely even concentrate on her book with all the thoughts running through her head and Draco's steady breaths coming between the thumps of the tracks, so she let herself just skim the pages, not really analyzing what she was reading, but paying attention enough to summarize. After a chapter, she noticed one of Draco's eyes opening to look at her.

"How many books did you bring on this trip?"

"A fair few."

"Are we really going to be gone for a month?"

"Why are you asking me so many questions?" Hermione snipped, eyes still on the page, but staring at the same word.

"I thought you liked answering questions."

"Not yours." Hermione closed her eyes for a moment, regretting her knee-jerk answer before closing her book and opening them again. "No. I don't think we'll be gone for a month. I hope we're not, anyway. If everything goes to plan, we should be able to meet my parents on Tuesday. I'll need to assess the severity of the spell."

"What did you use?"

" Mutatio Memoriae. "

"Hm."

"What?"

"And you know the counter?"

" Redono Memoriae. "

Draco shook his head. "You need to use Restituo ."

"I'm sorry?"

" Restituo Memoriae . That's stronger."

"But… no, every book I've read-"

"I've lived all of this, Granger!" Draco finally huffed, turning to face her with what may be the start of something akin to fear in his eyes. "When are you going to get it through your head that there's more shit out there than what you can find in a book? I get it. You didn't grow up with all of this. Everything you know, you know because you've read about it and memorized it. But all the Dark magic? The bad spells? All the things that can go wrong? You're not going to find any of that at the bloody Hogwarts library." He quickly resituated himself to look out the window, and Hermione definitely couldn't concentrate on reading anymore. She opened her mouth to ask him something else, but realized, like her, he wasn't in the mood for a lot of questions, either. Marking the page, she quickly decided that maybe she should close her eyes, too, and laid her head back, listening. It was calming, rhythmic, and before she even realized she'd fallen asleep, Draco was nudging her with his elbow.

"Wake up, Granger. We're here."

"Huh?" She picked her head up and realized with extreme mortification that she'd ended up with her head on Draco's shoulder. Hermione quickly straightened herself and fixed her hair. "Sorry," she muttered.

"S'fine." Draco rolled his shoulders as he stood up with Hermione quickly following. She still felt strange being in close proximity to him after she'd done something as reckless as falling asleep on him . She even tried to suck her front in any time she had to move past him in the small train corridor to get her bags before they got back onto the platform. It wasn't too crowded, but it was a completely different atmosphere, at least to Hermione. She was in France. She was in the same country as her parents for the first time in over a year, and she wasn't sure whether she was more nervous or excited.

"So why did you tell me we weren't coming to Paris?"

She sighed as she grabbed her trunk and started rolling it towards the exit. "Because you seemed excited to come-"

"Why are we here if your parents aren't here? What did you want to do here?"

"That doesn't matter."

"How are we getting to the hotel?"

"Oh my God, can you please stop asking so many questions? You're like a child."

Draco had the audacity to smirk . "Well, I am still seventeen. Are you sure you can even afford a hotel in Paris?"

"Just because I don't flaunt money, Draco, doesn't mean I don't have it."

Draco stopped in his tracks. "Wait, you're telling me you've been rich this whole time?"

"I don't have to buy my friends," she called over her shoulder. "Come on."

She was already thinking about their next step - the hotel. Of course she'd only gotten one bed since she was planning on her being the only one going. And no way in hell was she sharing a bed with him. Sharing a room was going to be bad enough. Clearly, he hadn't thought about that when he'd agreed to come. Or maybe he had and it was just another way to fuck with her.

They had to squint as they made their way onto the street, as it was sunny (and a little windy) in Paris, which they definitely hadn't gotten much of back in Scotland. It seemed as if the weather was affected by their mood there, and Hermione briefly wondered if it was the same here. She stopped only briefly to put her hair up as Draco stuck close behind.

"So this is Paris?"

Hermione laughed. "You thought it would be something grand? This is just the outside of the train station, Draco. There's plenty more to see."

"Hm." It was almost as if there was something more he wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure how, so he just stayed quiet.

Fine with her.

"To answer your previous question," Hermione began, lowering her voice, "we're Apparating to the hotel. We'll save money that way and I won't have to sit close to you for any longer than I already have."

"You seemed pretty comfortable to me," he smirked.

"That was an anomaly. You were just so boring that I fell asleep. Won't happen again."

"You know, you're pretty amusing sometimes for being such a swot."

"I do believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Draco," Hermione said through a breathless laugh.

"An anomaly. Won't happen again."

Hermione had to bite back a grin, walking a little faster in front of him to make sure he didn't see. She wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. No way. About a block away, rounding the corner of a building to be met with an empty street, Hermione grabbed his arm again after looking around to make sure no one was watching, and a small pop sounded just as a car went by.

The hotel Hermione had chosen was one she'd been to before with her parents for the sole reason of being able to Apparate there. She'd seen it plenty of times, the Holiday Inn Paris. Draco would hate it, which, in some way, gave her more satisfaction. There was just one problem, though, that had been bothering her since he'd agreed to come. She led him into the lobby but held a hand up to him once they got through the door.

"Don't talk to anyone , please," she ordered.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Hermione took a deep breath to calm herself before she slowly moved up to the front desk. There had been one snag that she hadn't even bothered mentioning until it would become necessary: because she'd anticipated being alone, the room she'd booked only had one bed. One small bed. She couldn't imagine him having his own room - there was no telling what he'd get up to and she'd be blamed for.

As politely as she could, and in French, since it might result in a better outcome, she asked the woman if they had any other rooms available, perhaps one with two beds, and quickly explained her situation. When she looked over at Draco, his jaw was tight again. She wished she could tell what he was thinking.

The best they could do was a larger bed. Hermione's brain was reeling with solutions until she realized she'd just been staring for a few seconds. A bigger bed would mean a bigger room, wouldn't it? That should work. A few seconds later, Hermione was taking her key from the woman and trying not to look too nervous about the conversation she'd just had.

"Sorry about that. Just had to-"

"I didn't want to have to share a bed with you, either."

Hermione paused on the way to the elevator. "You… you know French?"

"I was more surprised you did."

"My mum's from France. I actually have a lot of family here."

"So that's where you sent your parents? With family? Was that safe?"

They got into the lift and Draco put himself in a far corner, looking at her in a way that kind of made her skin crawl. She knew what happened in lifts.

"There was a lot more thought behind it, Draco. It wasn't a quick decision."

"Are you even capable of making those?"

"I've… yes, I've made them before. Usually it doesn't turn out well."

"And yet 'impulsive' is Potter's middle name."

"So I've noticed."

Draco sighed. "We're back to this, are we?"

"How were you expecting me to act? Like we're best friends on holiday? Did you forget I didn't ask you to come?"

"I just thought you'd be a little more grateful-"

Hermione turned to him quickly. " Grateful ?! You expect me to be grateful for you coming in and desecrating my plans to just have a little bit of a breather before I went to find my parents? You expect me to be grateful that you're part of the reason that I even had to do this in the first place?!"

"There it is."

Hermione's heart stopped. She'd essentially called him a Death Eater, hadn't she? Everything she'd been working against. Everything she'd been convincing people to forgive him for. "No, that's… that's not what I meant-"

But Draco just crossed his arms calmly, standing up taller from where he was leaning against the wall. "I know exactly what you meant. Are you scared of me, Granger?"

"No." Hermione's answer was a little too fast. A little too rushed. She found her eyes instinctively darting between his face, his hands, and his feet, trying to anticipate his next move because the shift in his attitude wasn't one she liked; this lift was traveling way too slow. This was no different than being in the common room, or on the train, when she'd been close to him before. But enclosed. No people. He couldn't touch her at Hogwarts, but here…

He was closing in on her, and she gulped, moving backwards until her back hit the wall. Her breathing started to speed up. "Draco, you don't have anything to prove-"

His hand was on the wall next to her head, and she let out a gasp she couldn't control as she felt the tip of his wand settled firmly against her throat. The eyes she couldn't break contact with were grey and cold, glassy. Icy. Stone. Enough that for even the briefest of seconds, she wondered if he was even letting himself register that it was her . Though her hands were threatening to shake, she did her best not to let fear seep into her expression. This was going against every single way he'd acted in the dorms. He'd comforted her during a panic attack, where his eyes had looked nothing like they did now. Why was he doing this? The way he could switch between good and evil, toeing the line between them constantly. What would it take for him to snap? How far could he go until it wasn't pretend anymore?

Thankfully, the door opened and Hermione darted out before Draco could even follow. She tried to focus on finding the room, her sweaty hands slipping against the handle of her trunk. She fumbled with the keys and took a deep breath. How dare he pull that stunt when they'd be sharing a bedroom. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to keep her safe. He'd said that before they left. What the hell was he playing at?

Hermione forced herself to calm down so she could open the door and clear her head. There was a king sized bed, a small table, and a stand with the television on it. Oh, how fun that would be to introduce Draco to. If he didn't want to go home, that was. Not after what she'd said. This place definitely wasn't anywhere as big as the common room she was used to sharing with him, and she found her nerves threatening to take over again.

"You can't be scared of me if we're sharing a bedroom," his voice drawled behind her. "Is that why you didn't want me to come?"

"I didn't mean to say that, Draco. I'm sorry," she breathed, quickly pulling her wand out to change the king bed into two twins that sat as far apart in the room as possible. And then, just for good measure, she made sure he was through the door before silencing the room.

"You think that's a good idea, Granger?"

"What the hell was that?! You're trying to scare me into submission or something?! You think I wouldn't pull my wand on you?!"

"You didn't."

"Because I knew you weren't going to hurt me! I'm not… I meant what I said.."

"You're just scared of what I could do. I was looking into your eyes."

Hermione didn't answer at first, but if she didn't, he'd be able to tell anyway. "Essentially, yes," she finally admitted.

"Same with Potter."

"Harry wouldn't hurt me."

"And you think I would? In the right circumstances? If I needed to?"

"If you needed to? I hate to say yes."

Draco plopped his trunk onto the bed closest to the door and sat down on the edge of it. "Are you going to start being honest with me? Because finding something like that out the hard way isn't ideal."

"What else do you want me to say?"

"Whatever the hell you want. I'm just trying to figure all this shit out, okay? Would you give me a break?"

"What else is there to figure out?"

"Why you're not being honest with anyone! Isn't that your whole thing? You've said you'll give me a second chance, but you're still scared of me. And you've been so bloody back and forth with Potter and apparently with me. Anyone else? Do you even know what the hell it is that you want?!"

"No! I don't!" Hermione cried before running her hands over her face. "Not… not completely."

"Isn't that what your stupid mind healer's for?"

"I haven't been telling her the truth, either."

"Then what is it you're doing? Why are we in Paris? Why do you keep lying?"

"I don't know, okay! I don't know!"

"Look, Granger, if there's one thing I can do, it's get people to answer my questions, so if you want me to keep going, I'm more than willing-"

Hermione barely even had time to think, and it was starting to wear down on her. That's why he'd asked her so many sequential questions. It rattled her brain, kept her unable to think about what she was going to say. It made her panicked, frazzled. Willing to give him an answer just to shut him up. It was a tactic. A battle tactic.

"What would you even do to me, Draco? You've got your wand. What would you do? Use Unforgivables?"

"Not on you."

"Tie me up?" Draco smirked for half a second, and it made Hermione's blood boil. "You think this is a joke?"

"I know you're not scared of being tied up."

"What?"

"If Potter did it-"

"I'd hate him for it. Just like I did the last time." She hadn't forgiven him for it, and she wasn't sure if she ever would. She hadn't thought it was enough to make a difference, but now that she'd said it out loud… was that what was holding her back?

"What happened last time? Spare the details-"

"It was the battle. He tied me up so I couldn't follow him to face Voldemort."

Draco flinched a little at the name, but shook it off quickly. "Would you let him do it again?"

"No."

"Not even in the right context?"

"No."

"So you don't trust him, either?"

"Why are you doing this?

"Answer the question, Granger."

"I do trust him. I trust him with my life."

"Then why wouldn't you let him do a simple thing like tie you up if he wanted to?"

Hermione shook her head. "I don't know."

"Do you want me to find out for you?"

Her blood went cold. "What?"

"I dabbled in Legilimency. Around enough of it. I could find out for you and let you know what I see."

"You're not seeing any of that, Malfoy."

"Malfoy again, hmm? Does that mean you're threatened?"

"By the possibility of letting you into my brain? Yes."

"Scared of what I'll find?"

"Scared of what you'll do when you find it."

"Find what?"

"Whatever the hell it is you're looking for."

"I'm just looking for the truth!"

"Teach me Occlumency, then."

Whatever facade Draco was putting on fizzled instantly. His shoulders slumped, his posture fell. He'd broken character. She'd won. He was breathing heavily, like speaking to her like that took real effort.

"You don't want me to teach you."

"Why not?" It wasn't like she knew anyone else, and after the conversation they just had, she was confident she could handle him. He'd frazzled her, cracked her a little bit, but she was proud of herself, especially considering the feeling of his wand pressing into her kept playing through her mind.

"In order to teach you how to resist, Granger, I have to get into your mind. I have to see your memories. Even if you let me in, I wouldn't only see what you wanted me to see. And considering you don't trust me as far as you can throw me, you're not going to enjoy it and you're not going to want to be in the same room with me afterward. Your mind is the most personal thing you've got, and that's especially true for someone like you. Nothing is safe."

Hermione took a deep breath. Having Draco in her mind was absolutely terrifying, even if she let him. There were so many things he could use against her. So many moments that would make her vulnerable to him, and that thought alone made her reconsider. What was she willing to risk to make sure things would be okay with Harry? Ideally, no, Draco would have no part in this.

"Would it help?" she asked, barely more than a mutter.

Draco leaned back on his hands and nodded for her to sit down on the other bed, across from him. Once she did, he continued. "That depends on what it is you're trying to achieve. Occlumency can get tricky and dangerous. If I go too far, I might destroy your memories. If you do too much, you might forget. There's a balance that can sometimes take a while to figure out."

"We don't have a while."

Draco just shrugged. "Which is why I'm warning you up front. I don't want to be that person that Bellatrix and Snape were to me when they taught me. You should be rather proud of my progress."

"Progress?"

"It's been at least an hour since I've said something insulting."

"No, instead you just pinned me against the wall of an elevator and put your wand in my back." Hermione crossed her arms over her chest. "If you're trying to get me to trust you, you're doing a pretty rubbish job of it."

"Am I?"

"Why do you keep doing that? Why do you keep turning my questions around on myself? I hate it. That's not good debate. Not even good conversation! It's just annoying!"

"Because it's making you think about what you're trying to say," he admitted. "I know how your mind works, Granger."

"Yeah? How's that?"

"You love to find flaws in other peoples' logic, make sure they know they have a flaw, and then offer your so-called expertise on the subject to make them automatically believe that you're right because they can't form any other opinion and yours makes sense."

Hermione gaped. She hadn't been speechless in a long time, but not saying anything would just make him believe it. "I do not do that, and if you had any real knowledge of how I argue then you'd see that is absolutely not the case! You can't possibly determine how my mind works considering that this is the longest conversation we've ever had."

Draco paused for a moment and couldn't help but laugh. "You… you literally just did exactly what I said, didn't you? You think I haven't paid attention?"

"That's creepy."

"A Muggleborn, top of nearly every class? I had to figure out how you were cheating your way to the brightest witch of your age."

"I didn't cheat," Hermione spat. She was already tired of this conversation, tired of traveling. The only thing she wanted to do at the moment was take a shower, have some lunch, and take a nap. Draco's words were starting to weigh on her eyelids, too. She wasn't sure how much more of it she could take.

"I know that now."

"You know, you see all these patterns with me, but I've seen them in you, too." Draco's eyebrows furrowed. "You're very good at playing roles. At least, roles you know how to play. Roles you've seen other people play. You've been conditioned your entire life to be whoever you need to be. That's why you care so much about what people think of you. And now that you don't have that anymore, I think you're lost, Draco. I think you're flipping between what you know to see what works and what doesn't, what gets the most reaction. You want me to be scared of you because it makes you feel powerful. You want Harry to be friends with you because it makes you feel like you're not alone."

"Stop."

"Am I wrong? It hurts, doesn't it? When everything's turned back on you."

He wouldn't look into her eyes anymore, which meant she was right. He did want her to be scared of him, but why? What good would it do? All of his intentions of coming with her on this trip were now cast in a different light. What role was he trying to play? Why would he come with her just to scare her? Was he just taking advantage of being truly alone with her and bound to her for the remainder of this trip?

She knew she'd won again because Draco suddenly got up, sighed deeply, and slowly walked into the bathroom. But where she expected a slammed door came the gentle click of the lock, and she was finally able to let out a shaky breath.