Gabrielle Potter was very confused.

When Harry had mentioned taking a trip to Brazil this winter, she hadn't even batted an eye. After all, it was his fourth holiday since the new year started. And she was no stranger to his whims.

But this holiday was much different than their usual orange-juice-and-patio-filled extravaganzas. For one, they were in a small cottage she'd never seen before that Harry had dubbed Nikita's Nest. And two, they were definitely not lazing away in the hot sun. Quite the opposite, in fact. Harry had been feverishly ordering everyone around since they'd arrived.

"So…can you please explain to me why we're working to set up a party instead of drinking orange juice on a patio?" Gabby said, crossing her arms.

He smiled and tapped her nose. "Why, because it's Bruno's–"

"Shhhh," Tracey said, slamming her hands on a table. "We don't talk about Bruno!"

Before Gabby could ask why, a spanish-porugese voice sounded from the open door behind them.

"Can I help you?" Brazilian Beta said.

Tracey quickly shooed him out the door. "Yes, could you be a dear and go fetch a box of raisin M&Ms?" she said.

Brazilian Beta gave her a quick nod and disappeared.

"We don't talk about Bruno," Harry said, turning his head toward Gabby.

Again, Gabby was cut off. But by a new voice this time. One that sounded surprisingly white and older than you'd expect.

"Who's Bruno?" Swiftie Stan asked, sauntering into the room with a box full of Taylor Swift posters.

"Brazilian Beta," Harry said, casting a doubtful glance at the box he brought in.

Putting it down on the table Tracey had just slammed her hands on, Swiftie Stan did a few active groin stretches before taking the first poster and spelling it to stick onto the wall.

Gabby stared at it for a moment. It was Taylor Swift but there was a big 'H' on her sweater that looked as though it had been drawn on with a marker.

"Brilliant," Swiftie Stan whispered to himself, gazing at the poster with reverence.

Before anyone could comment on it, the sound of a knock on the door made her turn her head. Harry opened it to reveal a man dressed in a large Pickle outfit. He waved at the gang and set a box down on the table.

Gabby stared at him in confusion before turning back to Harry. "Who's that?" she said. "Another one of Br–"

"We don't talk about Bruno!" Tracey said, slamming her hands on the table.

Harry, Swiftie Stan, and the Pickle nodded in agreement.

"We don't talk to him because he talks to us. Whether it's sharing some good news, or commiserating over something bad, Nauze is always there for his friends," the Pickles said, wisely.

"Well, sure…but also because–" Harry said.

"Can I help you?" came a Spanish-Portuoguese voice.

"That," Harry said.

Brazilian Beta's head popped up from outside the open window, but Tracey immediately closed the shades before he could see inside.

"I'll also need eleven bright blue and pink polka dot sporks," Tracey shouted before slamming the window shut.

The muffled sound of a 'si, senorita' was heard from the other side.

Swiftie Stan smiled at the interaction. "Brilliant," he said, before pulling out another Taylor Swift poster and hanging it–this one with a large speech bubble coming out of her mouth containing the letter 'A'.

"Alright, hold on," Gabby said, throwing her hands up. "I still don't get why we're doing this for Bruno–"

Before she could even finish her sentence, however, Bruno popped up from behind Gabrielle once more. But Harry quickly conjured a blindfold onto his face.

"Can I help you?" the man said in a thick Spanish-Portuogueese accent.

"I'll also need a lusciously-lemon and lovingly-lime diet mountain dew," Tracey told him before clapping her hands together. "Chop chop."

The man disappeared in a blink.

"We don't talk about Bruno," Tracey repeated to Gabby, exasperated.

"Yes, because we're scared if we say his name three times in front of a mirror, he'll appear, and pelt us with oranges, or worse, coconut pie!" a person wearing a red cross on their shirt said, seamlessly joining the conversation as they walked through the door.

"Also, because according to Alberto, Bruno is the voice inside your head preventing you from doing things you want to do," said a woman wearing Asphodel and Roses in her hair.

"Where are you people even coming fr–?"

"Brilliant," Swiftie Stan shouted, having just put up two posters at the same time, both of Taylor Swift wearing a shirt with a large 'P' on it.

Gabby sighed as she stared around the room at the growing number of guests. Pickle and the medical Triage person were talking animatedly together and a new person had just walked in. "Why is everyone even here today?" she said, as the floof-like individual wearing mint-green placed another large box on the table.

Harry waved and led him towards the PA system in the corner. "Test this out, will you, Wardie? We're busy decorating."

Wardie nodded. "Is there a bathroom I could use, first?"

Gabby frowned at the scene before her, watching as Harry pointed toward the bathroom and feeling more confused than ever.

After waiting and watching the chaos for a minute, she couldn't help but speak up. "Can someone at least clearly explain why we don't talk about Bruno?"

"Because it was Sacha Baron Cohen's worst film!" Wardie said through the PA system, a loud pissing noise accompanying the words over the speakers.

"Oi!" Harry said. "Turn it off when you're in the bloody bathroom, at least!"

But Gabby was too busy staring at the patronus that had just appeared in the middle of the room to worry about pissing noises. It was shaped like an orange, with Brazilian Beta's voice echoing from it. "Can I help you?"

Tracey clicked her tongue at the sight. "We still need a double espresso double espresso extra hot extra hot coffee coffee," she shouted at the patronus.

The orange nodded and evaporated into the thin air, and Swiftie Stan merely grinned at it. "Brilliant," he said, before putting up another Taylor Swift poster with her arms up in the shape of a 'Y'.

Hand on her forehead, Gabby bowed her head and counted to three to relax. "Would someone please explain what all this has to do with Bruno–"

"Can I help you?" The voice came from the Taylor Swift poster (with a letter 'B' painted on her face like war make-up) that Swiftie Stan was holding up this time, her mouth moving with Brazilian Beta's voice.

Tracey groaned aloud. "Get me a Famed Famished Flesh-eating Fanged Frisbee," she said, slamming her hand on the poster. "Stat!"

Harry let out a tired sigh. "We don't talk about Bruno," he said.

"But why?" Gabrielle asked, glaring at Harry and swinging her arms up in frustration. She heard a grunt and turned to see Bruno with his hands over his eyes in pain.

Gabby winced and apologized, but not before Tracey sent him on another wild goose chase with a snap of her fingers. This time for a 'HyperX Alloy Core ROYGBV Membrane Gaming Keyboard from 1976'.

"We don't talk about Bruno because he is the sweetest person ever and if he went missing we would all be heartbroken!" a newcomer said, adding their box to the table and joining the group of guests. They were wearing a museum curator's outfit and biting away at an Apple.

In response, Tracey made a gagging noise while Swiftie Stan muttered 'brilliant' to himself before putting up another Taylor Swift poster with a finger pointed at her eye for the letter 'I'.

"I'm only going to ask this one more time, Harry Potter, and you'd better answer me," Gabrielle said, her hands on her hips. "Otherwise I'll be telling Hermione about your continuous deals with Badfaith Bargainer!"

Harry held his hands up and took a step back.

"What are we doing here, and why don't we talk about Bruno?"

A man wearing a Statue of Liberty costume apparated next to Gabby at that exact moment and muttered: "He told me my fic would die. Next day: dead!"

"What?" Gabby said in confusion as he gently walked away, gently. "Someone please give me a straight answer! Why don't we talk about Bruno!?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, a man with a velvety German accent who looked like he had just woken up from an adamantium sleep said, "Well, he is right there, it would be kinda rude." Adjusting the Beyerdynamic DT 770 PRO: Closed Studio Headphones, on his ears, he smiled and waved at–

"What!" several voices said at once, including three new guests: Firefawn, Valirys Reinhald, and SilverStarwolfe.

Everyone turned to look at Bruno in shock as he walked through the door. Swiftie Stan was scrambling to put up the rest of the Taylor Swift posters which, all together, spelled out 'Happy Birthday, Bruno!"

"What's going on?" Bruno said, carrying 183 boxes of cheese burst pizza that Tracey had texted him to bring.

"Ohhhh," Gabby said, looking at all the decorations and nodding in understanding along with the rest of the guests. "So, that's why we don't talk about Bruno! Because he'll pop up and ruin his surprise birthday party!"

Levitating a large tray out from the corner, Harry let everyone grab a glass of orange juice before making his way to the center of the room. "A toast, to Bruno," he said, raising his glass. "Happy Birthday, bud!"

"Cheers, I'll drink to that!" everyone said in unison.

A/N:

We'd like to blame the following authors for responding to our prompt for Nauze's birthday and speaking nicely about him: AsphodelRose87, Frickles, AppoApples, TriagethePotterFan, Adamantiumsleep, Liberty1Prime, WardyWoo.

We'd like to thank the other authors that were contacted and did not respond for not allowing us to make Nauze's b-day surprise too special.

We'd also like to blame Petrificus Somewhatus for his contribution, beta work, and especially for not completing the rest of his contractual obligations #where-is-the-outtake