okay so I cannot believe we're already way past the half of 2022 - honestly, where does the time go? It's been a crazy year, and I'm sorry this took forever (those who know why, know why) anyway we're kind of nearing the end of this fic :O I feel like I could potentially wrap it up in two, maybe three chapters... but for now, here's this and honestly all I have to say is IM SORRY. ENJOY? MAYBE?
x - M
(as always would love to hear what you think)
MISTLETOE MYSTERY
CHAPTER XVIII
1,5 hours earlier
He arrives at the party at half past ten, pushing the time for his arrival to the limits but he still hasn't come up with a plan. He passes the crowd and spots their friends in the distance but he doesn't see her.
It's both a disappointment and a relief at the same time.
Relief because he realises he wouldn't be able to go through with whatever the hell stupid thing he's yet to figure out - maybe kissing a stranger at the party.
A disappointment because now he has to drag out the inevitable and the longer it takes the less his resolve will be.
He hears his name being called and nods at Tanner but instead of joining his roommate, he makes a beeline for the bar.
After receiving his order, he takes a large sip of his beer. The alcohol does nothing to numb his unease and he takes a moment to observe the place, looking for an answer to his problem when he spots Evan on the other side of the bar, looking a little lost.
He gulps down half of his drink and then gets up, walking around the bar and over to her.
"Hi," he greets her.
Evan turns to look in the direction of the sudden voice, surprise and confusion washing over her but she smiles all the same. Happy to see a familiar face at last.
"Why are you here sulking at the bar alone?"
She chuckles, and motions to the empty stool beside her. "My friends were supposed to be here but they bailed on me. And to be honest I don't really know anyone here, well apart from you."
His response lands somewhere between a nod and a sombre smile as he raises his glass to toast to hers.
"Are you here alone too?" Evan asks then.
He shakes his head and points over his shoulder as he speaks. "My friends are over there."
"Right," she mutters a little disappointed. "Uhm," she starts then, glancing down at the glass in her hand. "Would it be cool if I hang out with you and your friends tonight?"
"Sure." His answer comes automatically but at the same time, a panic arises in him. He doesn't really want to hang with his friends - they'd ask about Donna.
He kicks back the rest of his drink and then orders both of them another and instead of moving them over to his friends he sits down on the empty barstool beside Evan.
He doesn't really care but he asks how she's been, and what she thought of the class. Anything to prolong going over there and being asked about his supposed girlfriend's whereabouts. No this is better, close enough for everyone to spot them but secluded enough to not get any direct questions.
They talk for a while, or more like he listens and hums but his attention is on the redhead he hasn't even seen yet.
He senses her though, the second she enters the crowded bar. Doesn't have to turn around to look at the door to know for sure, the way his entire body stiffens and his jaw sets tell him enough.
Apparently, it tells Evan just as much. "Is everything okay?"
He lies and says it is, but her look only becomes more confused and concerning when he sighs. "Could you do me a favour?" He asks then.
She looks surprised now, but he's come to her rescue after sitting alone at a party so the answer comes quickly. "Sure."
"Talk to me," he says. "The rest of the night."
His request does nothing but add to her confusion, but there's something about the desperation in his gaze that makes her agree.
.
It's near midnight when catches Donna moving to the bathroom from the corner of his eye and he's feeling all over the place. So far the night has been relatively easy to get through but he still hasn't done anything to warrant a break-up yet.
"Want to get some air?"
"Sure, could do with a cigarette anyway."
He nods, slides off the stool and puts on his coat. Waiting for the blonde to do the same before guiding her outside. He lets her walk down the steps first, taking a deep breath as he peers over his shoulder back inside one more time before following her. Harvey sticks his hands into the pockets of his coat, shuffles on his spot and kicks some litter through the snow with the point of his shoe.
"You want one?" Evan asks holding up a cigarette for him to take but he shakes his head. She pulls out one for herself, stashes the pack back in her coat and retrieves the lighter. "Harvey," she says then after the first inhale. "What's going on?"
"Nothing."
She actually chuckles, shakes her head and takes another drag. "Okay."
Her laugh irks him, so opposite of how he's feeling. Stressed, confused and more than everything heartbroken, but he was the one to get Donna to agree to the deal so he has to keep up his end of the bargain – giving her a reason to break up with him. Everyone knows he'd never end things with her.
He peers at his watch; time's quite literally running out on their pact – only a minute left. He has to do something, anything really and he knows the easiest way to create a reason for their breakup is to just step up to Evan, kiss her and have Donna find out.
But he can't.
He can't because he doesn't want to, not even because of everything that happened between his parents but because of her. Donna. He doesn't want to kiss anyone else after having kissed her.
"If Donna shows up here, stop me from going after her."
His sudden words surprise her and Evan tosses the cigarette on the ground, using her foot to put it out. "Donna?" she repeats.
"Redhead, she –"
"I've seen her. Why –"
The noise from inside the bar increases then as a couple exits the bar, the loud count down happening inside indicating it's mere seconds to midnight.
Four.
Three.
He shuffles on his spot, hears the door open again and much like earlier that night he senses her presence. Glancing up at the blonde, he does nothing but gives her a pleading look.
Two
Evan stares at the wide eyes in front of her, and even though she has no clue what's going on or where the request is coming from she nods. Placing her hand on his bicep to relay her support.
One
And everything after that happens in a blur.
He hears the steps and then the call out of his name. He doesn't want to but it's so ingrained in his system that he turns anyway. Somehow catching her wrist as the redhead slides over the ice on the last step.
His eyes lock with her, in them all he sees are tears. Hers or, more likely, a reflection of his own and he knows for certain that he could have never gone through with it.
But maybe doing nothing was enough after all, cause Donna pulls her arm away as quickly as she can. He catches a shake of her head and then she storms off.
He thinks he calls out her name, he thinks his feet move. They should move, every ounce in his body wants to move but his vision blurs as he stays rooted on the spot. It takes a full minute for him to realise it's Evan's hand on his elbow keeping him in place. He yanks his arm free and wants to bark her head off for stopping him from going after Donna but her pressing look reminds him of his own request.
He inhales shakily, glancing anywhere but Evan. His heart pounds and his head throbs. He closes his eyes and brings his hand top inch the bridge of his nose as he tries to control his breathing. "Thank you," he says then.
Evan bobs her head to the side, trying to get a good look at his face. "I didn't do anything."
"Still," he replies with a sombre nod and then he walks off, in the opposite direction of the redhead.
.
.
January 3rd, 2019
Feeling her laugh reverberate through him, he pulls her closer, moving a strand of hair to the side as his lips move down the side of her neck. Eliciting a giggle with each peck he presses against her skin.
"Ssssh," she mumbles, squirming a little in his grasp but making no real effort to step aside.
He rolls his eyes at her remark, after all, she's the one making noise. "Ooh come on," Mike mutters as he pulls back, hands slipping from his girlfriend's waist as she turns to face him. "It's been two days, I think we've given them enough time to catch up from those couple of nights they spent apart -"
The blond doesn't get to finish his sentence and the brunette doesn't get to start her rebuttal when the sound of a door falling shut makes them look around, only to find Donna - dressed in her pyjamas, her face flush and her eyes red-rimmed - standing right in front of them.
She disappears as soon as they spot her, and Rachel glances at Mike once more. There's no need to say it, they just know. He steps back, nods and then mouths he'll check up on Harvey.
Rachel presses her lips into a thin smile, silently thanking him before she does the same for her roommate. Tiptoeing through the hallway, she stalls in front of Donna's bedroom door and knocks against it once. When there's still no answer even after whispering her friend's name, she decides to enter anyway.
The sight before her is much the same as how she last saw the redhead, only this time she's curled up in bed and the soft sounds of heartbreak echo through the room. Quietly Rachel moves around the bed, climbing on top of the duvet until she lays down beside Donna, wrapping her arm around the redhead. She doesn't need to ask what happened but does so anyway cause even though she's nursed her friend through many breakups, it's never been like this.
Donna's sobs are the only answer she gets.
.
Mike tosses the door shut behind him, striding through the hallway he merely nods at Travis as he makes a beeline towards Harvey's door. He knocks once, twice, three times but there's no answer and while his hopes are slim - Rachel and him have been at his place for the past couple of days - he still opens the door to check but his suspicions are quickly confirmed.
Harvey is not there.
Moving through the rest of the apartment, he drops down on the couch next to Tanner. "When have you last seen Harvey?"
Tanner takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, the shake of his head already gives away the lack of confirmation. "Don't know," he mumbles. "At the party on New Year, I guess - why?"
"They broke up," Mike states simply, "at least I think so, Donna's in shambles and -" he pauses, letting out a sigh. He glances over his shoulder at his friend's room once more, the concern now clear on his face and Tanner simply nods in understanding.
Harvey is either a mess too or acting out to avoid being a mess - probably the latter
.
He's not here.
Rachel peers back and forth between the text message in front of her and the redhead sleeping next to her. It took an hour of soft sobs for Donna to doze off, the only thing having been verbalised what she'd already guessed - they're over.
Her heart breaks for Donna, Harvey too and she doesn't understand what happened, what caused their happiness to come crumbling down so quickly.
She stares at Mike's words again, truthfully, she isn't surprised to read them but it worries her all the same. Especially for Donna's sake, cause she isn't sure her friend would be able to handle knowing Harvey is missing on top of everything she's already going through.
.
.
Jan 4th, 2019
Rachel shakes her head and shrugs at Katrina's question, relaying it to Mike when he and Dana join them outside of the library after their first class that morning. "Still no sign of Harvey?"
"Nope," Mike answers, "I texted, called, but -" he pauses, shrugs too. Not sure what else to do or say.
"Does she know?" Katrina asks, and the couple shakes their heads at the same time.
Dana frowns at that and gives the brunette a stern look. "Don't you think she should know?"
"I don't know how to tell her," Rachel answers in return, "or what to tell her. That we haven't seen him in days? She'll only have more questions none of us has answers to and I'm not sure she would want them."
"You don't think Harvey's …" Katrina stammers for a moment, looking over her shoulder, she runs her hands over her arms, then whispers "with someone else, do you?"
"No," Dana shuts the thought down instantly with a firm shake of her head. She'd been there when things with his mother went south, and while he didn't let her in on the details or tell her much at all, she does know this. "He'd never," she scoffs, pulling out her phone, before stepping away from the group.
"He wouldn't cheat," Mike adds, emphasising the word cause of that he's certain, but single Harvey has missed more than one night at home before too. "I don't know what happened between them, or what's happened since they broke up, but I know Dana's right - he would never cheat." He lets out a sigh and bobs his head to the side, indicating he's going after Dana.
Rachel mirrors his movement in understanding, pulling out her own phone she quickly dials Donna's number. It rings thrice before she's greeted with a somewhat familiar voice, not as happy as usual but at least it sounds like she stopped crying. "Hey," Rachel echoes, "I just uhm.. checking in. How are you?"
"I'm fine."
Rachel draws in a breath and shares a look with Katrina who just filled in Sean as he passed by them, the two looking at her expectantly. She simply hums and knows better than to argue with the redhead over the phone even when she's a hundred per cent certain her state of mind is anything but the short answer she just gave. "Are you home? We could watch a movie?"
"No," Donna's voice comes through softly. She shrugs the blanket off her shoulder as she stares at the offending piece of greenery still hanging on the doorframe to the kitchen. She reaches up and yanks it down then, tossing it in the bin beside her. "I uhm... I'm at the cafe, having drinks with Sean.. ooh he just walked in. I have to go, see you later."
Rachel's mouth is still parted and her answer never comes as she hears the call end on the other side of the line. She peers back and forth between Katrina and Sean and then huffs once, in disbelief. "Apparently you just walked into the cafe to have drinks with Donna."
"What?" Sean's brows draw together in confusion, but he bobs his head up and down a moment later letting it all sink in. It wasn't uncommon for their friend to prefer solitude in difficult times but that doesn't make it easy when she's always the one being there for others, yet not accepting the same for herself. "Should we go to the cafe and meet her there?"
"I don't think she's actually at the cafe," Rachel answers.
.
.
Donna inhales sharply, the wet snow hitting her skin but it only makes her feel more numb. At least she's out of the house now, being there was too much. Every single thing around her held a memory of him and it just became too suffocating.
A car honks and she jumps out of her thoughts then, quickly lifting her hand in an apology, she rushes over the pedestrian crossing over 6th avenue coming at a stop on the crossing with West 4th street. She looks around a little flustered, not entirely sure where she ended up and why but it's only then that she finds herself face to face with the bar Harvey had taken her to after they went bowling. She peers through the windows across the street at the empty barstools and she can still hear his laughter, can still feel how her body responded to his proximity throughout the day. Can still feel her heart longing for him.
She shakes her head and tears her gaze away, peers into the narrow street and then the tears come along with every single memory of the past month. She sniffs and wipes the back of her hand over her eyes. And when a passerby gives her an inquiring look she turns around, marching away and entering the first subway station she comes across.
.
.
"He didn't answer, did he?" Mike asks the second Dana opens the door.
Dana rolls her eyes, but Mike is right. She shakes her head and turns to face him. "No," she admits to having called Harvey first, she peers down at her phone and scrolls through the list of names once more. "But he wasn't the person I thought of calling."
"I already texted Marcus," Mike fills in, but Dana simply turns over her phone - showing another name.
Lily Specter
"His mother," Mike deducts, looking up somewhat surprised. In all the years he's known Harvey he's never even heard him pronounce his mother's name and the only reason he recognises it is because he's heard the man's father refer to his ex-wife once. "He doesn't talk to her."
"I know," Dana gives in, raising her hands just a little indicating she's just as much at a loss as he is. "I don't even know if this is still her number, I just-" she pauses, peering to look up at Mike - silently asking him if it's the right thing to do.
Mike isn't entirely sure but they're running out of options, and she's his mother after all, she has the right to know, so all he can do is nod and he watches Dana hit the dial button before bringing the phone to her ear.
"It's ringing," she mouths, pacing back and forth through the hallway, it takes half a mixture before a female voice comes through from the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
"Hi," Dana says, "is this uhm.. Lily ... Specter?" She adds carefully, only realising now she doesn't know the current status of the woman's name.
"Yes."
"Hi," Dana repeats, "this is Dana Scott, I don't know if you remember me, but-"
"Dana, hi," Lily answers, "of course, I remember you, honey. What can I do for you?"
"Harvey, he uhm.. he hasn't shown up to class in a few days and we haven't been able to contact him."
.
.
Harvey has no clue how he ended up here, on her particular doorstep - doesn't even know how he knows the address, he's surely never been over before. He guesses his subconscious stored the information somewhere, deep down, just in case and yet as he peers at the dark green door he has absolutely no clue what to do.
His fingers tap nervously by his side, feet rocking back and forth on the pebble stones leading up to the house - the one she left his home for. He can even see her from where he's standing, through the window on the side. Her hair is a little greyer than he remembers but her silhouette is still the same - his mother's.
.
.
"Ooh," Lily's answer comes with a tremble in her voice, shocked by the news but also aware there's probably very little she'd be able to do. He'd never come to her. "I uhm — I haven't seen him in years."
.
.
She's on the phone, her back turned towards him and it feels oddly familiar yet comforting at the same time. Some things clearly haven't changed, but he has. He figures he has, he must have, for his subconscious to take him here over his father's.
Or maybe it's just because she's the expert on leaving the people you love behind and if he wants to know how to do the same, who better to teach him twice?
.
.
"Mike texted Marcus, but uhm -" Dana peers over her shoulder at Mike who shrugs. "If you hear anything …"
"I'll let you know," Lily answers, "thanks for letting me know."
.
.
He catches her move in that moment, not even a full turn in his direction but it's enough to trigger his fight or flight instinct, the latter winning it for the second time this week. Turning around quickly, he rushes back to the car he kept running.
.
.
Donna's head rocks back and forth with every move the subway makes, her eyes are directed to the window but she isn't taking in her surroundings. Isn't paying attention to the automatic voice announcing its arrival with every station they pass, it's only when the subway comes to a halt altogether and stands there for more than a minute that she registers the announcement repeating itself.
"Stillwell Avenue..."
Donna frowns, finally taking in the emptying train around her and her first instinct is scrambling to her feet, getting off the train too as she's still trying to piece together where exactly she ended up. She realises her mistake when the doors close again, the train sets off in the opposite direction and the view of the rollercoaster in the nearby distance tells her she's on the south end of Brooklyn.
"Fuck," she mutters, stomping off to the closest bench, letting herself drop down she closes her eyes once more and takes a moment to recollect herself. Or tries to anyway cause she doesn't feel like herself, not without him being in her life and it fucking sucks cause the only person she wants to talk to is the one that broke her heart.
The one that left.
No one told her, but she knows, deep down she knows he disappeared cause it feels like she's missing a part of herself. The void inside is too much to be just a broken heart, it's a lost friendship.
She shakes her head, willing her thoughts to come to a halt cause she can't have lost her best friend. She can't have lost the most important person in her life. She may have lost her heart, but she cannot lose that.
He promised they'd never lose that
- rule no. 12.
These are the three words she types but never sends. It's one of a dozen messages she types and deletes, over and over again as her teary eyes focus on the last exchange between were complicated back then, they're an utter mess right now and yet all she wants is to talk to him, to hear his voice - they don't even have to figure things out but she just wants to be.
"Harvey Specter."
Her hands tremble at the voice coming through the phone in her hand, and she brings it to her ear as quickly as she can, a soft greeting on the tip of her tongue.
"- not here right now, so tell me something interesting and I might call you back."
She only realises it's not really him when she hears the rest of his sentence, her stomach contracts and she closes her eyes. A hint of a smile on her lips at his message, but it brings out her tears all the same. She's never known this to be his voicemail, never had to leave him a voicemail in the first place- he always answered. Always.
She draws her lip between her teeth and swallows thickly, peers up at the timetable and then back to the tracks in front of her. She sighs once, deeply and then she speaks.
"You can't go a whole week without talking to me, you know… I… I need you."
.
.
"Fuck," Harvey mutters to no one but himself, pushing the scarf up to his nose as the heat in the car gives out once more. Harvey slams his balled-up fist against the steering wheel, and peers out of the front window over the parking lot as he tries to start the engine again, but it's to no avail.
Getting out of the car, he slams the door and reaches for his phone. The screen lights up with numerous missed call notifications, the only one standing out to him is hers but he doesn't have the strength to listen to it. Instead, he unlocks his phone only to realise he doesn't have Ray's number. It was pure luck that he remembered Benghazi's garage being near the train station and that he managed to convince his high school friend to let him borrow some old thing - and old it is.
.
.
Staring at the red light, Lily's fingers impatiently tab against her steering wheel. "Come on," she breathes, willing the signal to change faster, she takes off the second it does. She's on her third lap around the block, driving in no particular direction - for god sake she doesn't even know if Harvey's in Boston but she can't sit around and do nothing.
She called Gordon, he wanted to join her but she told him to stay there. Chances are that if their son has made his way up to Boston he finds himself on his father's doorstep, not his mother.
She passes the record shop Harvey used to work at on the weekends, but the lights are off and the parking lot is empty so she drives on. Turning left as she passes the high school once more, this time she drives on to the primary one the boys attended as a memory hits her.
She spots a sole car in a parking lot in the distance and she has no way of knowing, it could be any person doing god knows what but she keeps going. She doesn't drive onto the parking lot and has a good enough view of the red Subaru from the street, it doesn't have any snow on it - unlike all the other parked cars across the street.
She just can't see if someone is sitting inside, so she turns off the engine and gets out. Folding her arms across her chest, she treads lightly towards the car, rounding it so she can look inside. It's empty, and she is ready to return to the warmth of her own vehicle when she spots him.
Her son, her Harvey. Sitting on the bleachers staring at the field of the little league club. His breath is visible in the cold air and she wants nothing more than to go to him, but she fears he's likely to run the second he notices her presence so she stays put and calls Gordon.
.
.
"Hey," Gordon greets his ex-wife as he comes to a halt next to her and the red car.
"He's sitting there," she whispers, bobbing her head in the direction of the field and Gordon turns his head to look.
"Right," he hums, drawing in a deep breath. "I guess I better go get him home…"
Lily presses her lips together and smiles softly, then she motions to her car.
"Lil you don't-"
She knows she doesn't and doesn't want to, but she also knows their son. If they want to help him and figure out what's going on it has to be Gordon talking to him. "Just-"
Gordon nods, bringing his hand to her shoulder and squeezing it once. "I'll let you know how he's doing. Thank you."
.
.
"He won't talk, but he's home." - it's the message Lily receives half an hour later, it's the same message she sends to Dana, thanking her once more for informing her about Harvey.
.
.
"Hey, you're home," Rachel calls out when she catches Donna walking by, she offers her friend a soft smile and lifts her bowl of ramen in a silent question about whether she'll join her for dinner but all she gets is a shake of the head in return.
Rachel nods then, knowing there isn't much she can say or do to change Donna's mind. Her friend is stubborn like that, much like Harvey, but at least she knows where her roommate is. So she lets her be, and she isn't surprised she doesn't see her after for the rest of the evening.
.
.
Jan 5th, 2019
"You look like a strawberry."
"No I don't."
"Yeah, you do… Red, and you're sweet too."
"That's taste."
"I love you, Donna."
"That's taste."
"I love you, Donna."
"I love you, Donna."
"I love you, Donna."
"I love –"
She pulls on her headphones and drops them to the side, bringing her hand up to cover her mout hand she turns onto her side. Sobbing into the pillow she watches the video she took of Harvey weeks ago loop on her screen, and even though she can't hear the audio she knows every word by heart.
"I love you, Donna."
.
.
He drops down at the kitchen table, quietly accepting the cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal his father puts in front of him. He nods and warms his hands around the cup.
"Harvey," Gordon starts, placing a cup in front of Marcus too before he sits down with his sons. "You should call your friends and tell them you're okay."
Deep down he knows he should, but he isn't in the mood to talk to any of them. They'd inevitably ask about Donna and he won't be able to answer their questions without feeling his chest tighten and his head pounding. Just thinking about her already has that effect on him - it's why he ran away in the first place.
"How did you even find me?" He counters instead, ignoring his father's statement.
"Your mother."
The spoon slips from his hand back into the bowl. "What?"
"We got concerning calls," is all Gordon is willing to explain, "so either you contact your friends or I will, but you have to let them know where you are."
Harvey draws in a breath, his jaw setting and he nods at last. He pulls out his phone, opens the chat with Mike and types a short message about his whereabouts. "There, done. Happy?"
Gordon watches his son toss his phone on the table and he shakes his head. On one hand he should reprimand him, on the other, it hurts him seeing Harvey like this - heartbroken and lost - like no time has passed these last nine years.
"I just want you to be."
It's such a cliché answer and he should have expected it coming. Hell, maybe he even did but it sets him off all the same. Harvey shoves his cereal bowl to the middle of the table as he pushes himself to stand. "I am," he fires back. It's a lie and they both know it, but he doesn't stick around for his fathers to call him out on his shit once more.
.
.
There's a knock on the door but she can't be bothered to move, can't physically leave the blanket fort she'd thrown herself in again last night. The wrappers of chocolate bars scattered around her bed, alongside dozens of tissues.
Another knock follows and Donna huffs, she has no idea if Rachel is even home - her fault really, for sneaking out and in of the apartment, avoiding her friend and in particular the look on the brunette's face. What happened with you and Harvey?
She turns on her side and pulls the blanket up to her face. The sound of the door opening and closing answer to her previous thought and she tries not to, she really tries not, but she knows who's there - knows what the subject is, him, and she can't help but listen.
It's muffled but she can register two voices alongside her roommate's, Mike and Dana. His name is dropped a few times, but it's all she's truly able to make out.
"Ooh, thank god," Rachel breathes after Dana recalls the text she got from Harvey's mother, she automatically peers over her shoulder in the direction of Donna's room. A heavy sigh leaves her lips and when she turns back she finds two pairs of inquiring eyes - she presses her lips together in a thin line and simply shakes her head before asking: "When will he be back?"
Mike shrugs. "He texted this morning, and said he was fine."
"Which means he isn't," Dana voices what they all know to be true. "I think one of us should go and get him back."
They all nod, but Rachel peers over her shoulder once more. "Donna, I can't -"
"I'll go."
"Babe, you don't have a license."
"I'll drive you," Dana offers, "he'd probably ignore whatever I have to say anyway. So we have a better chance of getting him back with the two of us."
"Right," Mike says with a nod. "Yeah, uhm.. should we go now -"
"I'll pick you up in an hour," Dana says, glancing quickly at her watch. She motions to the door and excuses herself with a nod - leaving the couple in the living room.
Mike drops down on the couch then, patting the spot beside him as he waits for Rachel to join him. "Will you tell Donna?"
She hesitates for a moment, lips parting but nothing comes out. She shrugs then, because the truth is she doesn't know if she will. "Maybe when he's back," she whispers at last. "Just to be sure."
Mike's brows draw together in a frown and Rachel gives him a look, her hand patting his knee. It's not that she doesn't trust they'll succeed, it's Donna. "You didn't see her last night," she explains, "she cried in my arms for two hours before she fell asleep. I just don't -"
"I'll get him back."
.
.
"He really did that?"
Dana laughs and hums, flicking on the turn signal as she changes lanes to the exit. "Yep."
Mike shakes his head, holding back a smile at the mental picture Dana drew of his best friend. He chuckles once more, catching a breath and then he turns to look at the brunette again.
She catches his gaze and gives him a quizzical look before shaking her head.
"Really?" Mike says then, "that's all you're going to share."
"We were never really friends," she explains, "not back then at least. We dated until we didn't… and ended up at the same university."
.
.
As the timer goes off, Gordon turns down the stove and reaches into the cabinet to retrieve three plates. "Marcus," he yells over his shoulder. "Tell Harvey to come down will you?"
His youngest rolls his eyes and holds back a sigh but moves off of the couch at last. Dragging his feet to the hallway, he calls for his brother from the bottom of the stairs. Once, and once more when there's no reply and when that goes unanswered too he marches into the kitchen. "He's not there."
"What?"
"I said he is not -" Marcus pauses the rest of his sentence as the doorbell rings. He shakes his head then, motioning to the door over his shoulder. Of course, Harvey would go out and forget his key, probably did not even take it with him when he came to Boston in the first place. "You know there are things called keys, right asshole," he announces loudly as he opens the door.
"Marcus," Dana mumbles, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Good to see you too," she adds, but the truth is they never got along. "This is Mike," she adds, signalling to the left.
"I know who Mike is," Marcus answers, stepping aside to let his brother's friends in the house. And as he catches his father's figure appearing in the hallway he mumbles an apology as Dana steps over the threshold.
"Dana, Mike," Gordon greets them, "what brings you two here."
"We came to check up on Harvey, mister Specter."
"It's Gordon, you know that young man," Gordon answers with a smile. "Unfortunately he isn't home."
Dana's mouth drops a little.
"But you two are more than welcome to stay for dinner and wait for him to return," he adds then. "Marcus go grab another plate, will you? We're having chicken parm."
.
.
He takes a deep breath, eyes locked on the door at the end of the pathway - he hasn't found the courage yet to open the gate. Feeling his phone vibrate in the pocket of his coat once again, he inhales once more, knowing he only got that much time before they start looking for him again and he has to do this alone.
He removes his hand from his coat pocket, and then quietly moves to the gate. It's cold to the touch, but his nerves have already numbed any outside influences.
The pebbles creak under his fast and steady steps. It only takes twelve of them, he counted the other day, and then he finds himself face to face again with a nameplate reading "Lily & Bobby".
He tears his gaze away, looks down and knocks on the wood, three times before he stuffs his hand back into the warmth of his coat - and then he waits.
An excruciating twenty-three seconds.
The door opens and he can hear by the simple sound of an intake of a breath that it's her and he swallows thickly.
"Harvey?" Lily's voice quavers a little, surprised to see him at her doorstep.
He looks up then, at last. His eyes meet hers, and his voice is a bit rough as he speaks. "Mom."
"What.. what are you doing here?" Lily asks, signalling over her shoulder to the hallway - a silent invitation inside he denies with a shake of his head.
"I," he starts, drawing in a breath and he rocks back and forth on his feet, watching his mother pull her cardigan closer around her frame and pull the door shut behind her as she waits on the veranda. "I need to know how you did it -"
"Did what?"
"Leave someone you love."
"Ooh," Lily sighs, "Harvey, honey."
"How did you walk away without it tearing you up? How… how did you leave Marcus and … and … and me … behind like that?"
She swallows thickly, her lip trembling and her eyes water as she takes in her eldest son, his tear-stained eyes and the look of despair on his face, she can't help but step forward and pull him into a tight embrace by bringing her arms around him.
The way he doesn't protest and lets it happen only confirms to her how lost he must feel, and words of confirmation, of how she loves him are on the tip of her tongue when she hears his voice once more.
"I … I need you to tell me h..how to do that, cause I don't think I can."
.
.
Clucthing onto the paper bag, Rachel knocks on Donna's door twice. It's a curtasy really cause she's letting herself in no matter what. "Hey," she whispers, pushing the door open with her hip. She brings the bag in front of her and smiles. "I got you some food."
Her first instinct is to say she isn't hungry but the truth is she's barely eaten since that night and the mere sight of the logo from her favourite Thai place has her stomach rumble. That and the fact that she doesn't have the energy to protest anymore.
Rachel kicks the door shut behind her and moves towards the bed, waiting as Donna moves the stuff sprawled over it aside and she gets just a glimpse of Harvey's face in a video on Donna's phone before the space is cleared for her to sit. She does so and hands the redhead her favourite dish, with a "You know you can talk to me, right?"
"I know," Donna whispers, turning to look at the food right then instead of further elaborating. She knows she's going to have to open up soon, but she just needs a little bit more time.
.
.
It's well past ten when Gordon hears the lock of the front door being opened and he gets up from his chair, leaving Mike and Marcus to watch the movie he'd put on after dinner as he makes his way to the hallway - closing the door to the living room behind him.
He had a suspicion of his oldest whereabouts the second Marcus told him he wasn't home, but the look on Harvey's face only confirms it. He presses his lips into a thin line and nods.
Softly, Harvey pushes the door shut behind him. The conversation with his mother is still fresh on his mind, but he is none the wiser as to what to do and it's just so tiring. So draining, that for the second time that day he finds himself in the embrace of a parent.
Gordon's taken a little by surprise by his son's movement, but he closes his arms around him anyway. And the way Harvey's body leans against his own it's like he's holding a little kid again.
And in a way he is, because with everything that happened between him and Lily they robbed their children, and Harvey especially, of their childhood.
Gordon holds him like that for a good minute, before pulling away and looking his son in the eye as he speaks. "You're going to be okay."
Harvey gulps and takes in a deep breath and as much as he likes to believe it he voices his doubts anyway. "I don't know."
Gordon bobs his head up and down in understanding, but his small smile conveys his earlier statement once more. "I'm so proud of you," he says then. "I need you to know that."
His brows draw together in a frown and he slowly shakes his head in confusion. "Why?"
"That even after everything that happened with your mom and me, you still love so deeply."
Harvey lets out a deep breath as he repeats the words in his mind, draws his lips between his teeth and gazes down. "It would be easier if I didn't," he whispers, having no energy left to deny it.
"It wouldn't," Gordon counters with a shake of his head. And he brings his hand to Harvey's shoulder again, waiting for his son to look up.
"Mike is here," he says then.
"What?"
Gordon turns his head in the direction of the living room, he gives Harvey's shoulder a little nudge before he moves in that direction. "I'll get you a drink."
Harvey nods firmly, then waits until his father has left him before he exhales. Taking a moment for himself to find his composure. He shrugs off his coat and joins the others in the living room at last.
.
.
Donna draws in a breath, moving the last of her cold noodles around in the cardboard box. She's used the food as a way to get out of talking, but she knows she can't keep this up much longer.
There's so much to say, so much information that has her emotions on a roller coaster ride these past couple of days, she doesn't even know where to start but she does start.
Not by talking about how their dating was all fake. A ploy to get everyone to believe there was nothing going on between them.
She doesn't talk about how he got what he wanted out of the deal. She doesn't talk about walking in on him and the blonde just as she was about to tell him of her feelings.
She doesn't talk about those either, cause no amount of tears can change them. She knows that she loves him, and feels like she always will and probably always has.
Always has.
And there it is again, in the midst of all the confusing feelings, love and hurt, the one that resurfaces the most is betrayal.
"It was him."
"What?" Rachel asks.
"Harvey," Donna says. "He is the mistletoe mystery guy."
.
.
Jan 6th, 2019
He finds Mike sitting on the couch the following morning, he's barely slept and by the looks of it his friend did neither. The latter simply nods as a greeting and Harvey moves to the kitchen to make them both a cup of coffee.
"Thank you," he says after a minute, sliding the cup over the counter towards Mike, who simply frowns inquiringly in return. "For uhm.. not asking if I'm okay."
"I know you're not."
It's nothing but the truth, but it stings all the same. Harvey's nod confirms it anyway.
"What happened?"
The simple answer could just be "we broke up," but he knows Mike knows that and it's more loaded than that. He wants to know why, and that means coming clean on the whole act but more importantly how it had only been an act for Donna and he isn't ready to reveal that.
"Nothing happened," Harvey sighs, "just leave it."
"Right," Mike scoffs.
"Right."
Mike shakes his head at his friend's behaviour, he should have known - hell he did know, Harvey would be difficult about it. "You left," Mike states, there's a bite to his words and it only gets harder with the next. "You haven't seen Donna these past few days, she's been a mess."
The simple mention of her puts him on edge, there's nothing more that riles him up than the thought of her being upset but his own hurt doesn't waver that easily. Not when a part of his brain tells him his is justified, hers on the other hand. He has no clue but to believe it's part of the ruse. Part of keeping up the act, even now.
"Of course, she keeps up the act," it's so soft he doesn't even realise he's voiced his thoughts until Mike's question breaks through once more.
"What act?"
His chest tightens and he feels his heart beating in his throat, but he can't. He won't admit to the last month having been fake, cause it wasn't, not to him. So he resorts to his standard reply. "Nothing."
"Harvey," Mike presses once more.
"Mike, just drop it," he fires back, "she doesn't feel anything for me, okay? That's it."
Those words leave Mike so stunned he doesn't have the chance to answer, to argue how he couldn't be more wrong, or ask where the hell he got that idea before Gordon joins them in the kitchen, asking what they want for breakfast and what time Dana Scott will be there to drive them back.
"Scottie?" Harvey peers back and forth between his father and Mike, his brows narrowing into an even deeper frown. "What the hell is she doing here."
Mike takes a deep breath and gives his friend an apologetic smile. "She drove me here, and she'll drive us back."
"The hell I'm going back."
"Harvey," Gordon interjects now. "You're friends care, that's why they're here."
His jaw sets and he simply glares at his old man, knows he's right but a verbal confirmation is too much now. He simply sits back down on one of the barstools.
"Dana texted me, she has one stop to make and she'll be here soon."
.
.
"Are you expecting anyone?" Bobby asks, sitting up in his lounge chair when the doorbell rings.
"No," Lily says, but after yesterday a hopeful part of her has her rushing to the door all the same. Her son's name is on the tip of her tongue when she swings the door open, but a soft "ooh" leaves her lips when she peers down at the brunette.
"Hi," Dana greets with a small wave, "I don't know if you recognise me, I'm Dana Scott. I -"
"Of course," Lily replies, smiling softly now that she recognises the girl Harvey briefly dated in high school. "Dana, what are you doing here?"
The brunette takes a deep breath. "I uhm," she waves over her shoulder to the car. "I drove Mike up here to go and get Harvey… but uhm, you mean here, here, so I guess I just…I don't know if he's been here, cause I know how complicated -" she pauses for a moment because the truth is she doesn't know. She's figured there's no relationship left between mother and son after his parent's divorce, mainly because she has never heard him speak of his mother since before their breakup, but she's never got the details from Harvey.
She shakes her head softly, trying to clear her mind. "Thank you," Dana says then.
Lily presses her lips into a thin line and nods. "He did come here," she admits then, simply because it still feels so surreal having held her son in her arms after all these years. She just has to voice it.
"What happened?" The question escapes her before she can think twice, her motherly concern taking over now. Yesterday she'd been able to keep her curiosity at bay, too overwhelmed with Harvey showing up.
"Ooh I'm not exactly sure what happened between him -"
Dana cuts off her sentence and firmly presses her mouth shut. She glances down at the floor and shakes her head at her own actions. "What did Harvey tell you?"
"Nothing," Lily admits, "but I'm guessing she must be someone very special to him for Harvey to get over here."
Dana smiles at that, and she nods then. "She is," she says. "Donna."
"Donna," Lily repeats softly as if testing the word out. She chuckles then before a sudden grin appears on her face. "I may have heard Gordon and Marcus mention her before."
"I'm sure they'll figure it out again. Eventually."
.
.
"Harvey."
He feels Mike's hand on his shoulder, rousing him from his sleep and groggily he opens his eyes, staring at the two people in the front of the car.
"We're almost there."
He runs the back of his hand over his face, rubbing his eyes as he yawns once more. Having dozed off as soon as they hit the interstate, he still feels exhausted. "Hm'kay."
He peers out of the window and sees the library and then the campus shop. He stretches out the stiffness of his muscles, shuffles a bit on his seat as the car turns the corner and then his stomach tightens once more.
Their apartment building is on the end of the street and the time it takes Dana to park the car is far too quickly for his liking, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him he simply stares at her for a moment.
Dana rolls her eyes and shakes her head, pushing herself onto her tiptoes, she wraps one hand around his shoulders in a one-sided hug.
"Thanks, Scottie," he mutters then, stepping back and he waits for Mike to say goodbye to Dana too before he turns and looks up at the building again. It takes a pat on his shoulder from Mike to finally make him move.
.
.
She doesn't have to look to know who's at the door or what the news will be, but Rachel's out - something about having to see Samantha - so she drags herself to the door anyway.
As expected, upon opening she finds herself face to face with Mike but what she didn't expect and has her frozen in her spot is him.
Harvey.
Slowly dragging his feet up the stairs to the landing. It's only a second but their eyes lock, all the same, a barely audible gasp escaping her and then he tears his gaze away.
Her mouth opens and closes, her breath hitching because of it, her gaze slowly trails along the landing, just one step behind his every move and when he reaches the turn in the stairs she snaps her head back to face Mike who merely nods.
Harvey's pace slows every so slightly at the turn of the ascend, her apartment coming in view once more and he can't help but steal a glance at her, but she isn't looking at him anymore.
Of course she isn't.
He shakes his head at the tiny unjustifiable sliver of hope his heart had felt upon that first look, swallowing thickly he redirects his gaze ahead and moves on.
.
.
It's the first night in a week either of them sleeps through the night.
.
.
Jan 7th, 2019
"You've got to be kidding me," he mumbles under his breath, barely dodging a right hook as his focus shifts to the blonde stepping into the ring.
Lucky his opponent notices the interruption, slowing down the fight as he keeps his gaze on the woman walking toward them.
"I'm not fighting you."
"Yes you are," Samantha argues, pulling on the string of one of her gloves. She motions for the other guy to get moving with a simple bob of her head before getting into position.
His jaw sets and he shakes his head, refusing to engage but he receives the first punch to his jaw anyway and a hard one at that.
It's enough to wave his principles and he takes a swing at her, the fight proving to be far more challenging than he ever could have imagined. Not only because he's also trying to figure out why it's taking place at all, his answer to that comes in the form of Rachel stalling at the side of the ring, a final punch to the side of his face, cracking his brow and it all suddenly clicks - they're here because of Donna.
He steps always and pulls off his cloves then, as he slips under the ropes at the red corner.
"You want to take a swing at me too?" he barks as he passes the brunette, storming off to retrieve his bag from the wooden bench.
Rachel marches after him. "You lied to her for years."
His head snaps back up at that. "Excuse me."
"All those years ago, you were the one she kissed at that Weihnacht's market."
He doesn't deny it but he doesn't respond either.
"She's been hung up about this guy for years, only to find out it's been you, her best friend, all along. How could you keep this from her?"
"Keep it from her," he repeats, shaking his head as he stuffs his gloves in his duffle bag. "I told her back then, it's not my fault she didn't believe me. What the hell does it matter anymore."
Rachel draws in a breath and it's just a second too long cause he picks up his bag and swings it over his shoulder, ready to leave. "You were together," she calls out after him, hoping it says enough about why it should matter.
He stalls and shakes his head and then the truth comes out. "We were never together."
"What?"
"Ooh, so she left that out too huh."A tired laugh escapes him, and he shakes his head once more. His head starting to ache from the argument on top of the fight he'd just had, he brings the tips of his fingers to his brow. A hiss escapes at the sting and he winces a little at the blood he sees on his index finger. "It shouldn't matter if it was or wasn't real," he continues then, walking away at last."All that matters is that it could never be."
"And why is that?"
"Because she told me she didn't feel anything when I kissed her."