Chapter 11: He said, "Let's get out of this town, drive out of this city, away from the crowds"

Notes:

Okay, I know I haven't updated this story in ages and I apologize for that. I got inspired and wrote something... it was originally supposed to go in to an entirely different directions... and then 18 year old Sara took over...

Content warning, mentioning of an eating disorder and suicidal thoughts... sort of.

Sara

Sara looked at the clock on the dashboard again. Was he fucking shitting her? They had been on the road for almost two hours now. One and a half of which he had been spending on the phone with her sister.

She looked out the window again, watching the scenery pass, the sun reflect on the surface of the ocean, listening to Laurel prattle on about plans she's made for Ollie and her during semester break... Sara was tempted to just throw herself out of the driving car at this point, just so she wouldn't have to listen to them any longer. She usually did her best to try to avoid them when they were together, had ever since they started dating. Less so once she had gotten used to the idea of them being a couple, at least until that first night she and Ollie had ended up screwing each other. She had gone back to spending as little time with the two of them together as possible. And not just because of the guilt and shame she felt every time her sister would beam at Ollie happily, blissfully unaware that the perfect picture of her life with him she had painted was just one small revelation away of being completely destroyed.

And now she was trapped in a fucking car with no choice but to listen to them be all lovey-dovey and sickeningly sweet. They made her want to puke. Fuck! She balled her hands into fists, fighting the sudden urge to stick her finger down her throat to get rid of the contents of her stomach. Fuck!

She was doing better; she had been doing better. But she could feel the familiar urge to make herself sick again, something she hadn't done in almost two years… fuck! This was why she did her best to try and avoid being around the couple.

This trip was supposed to be just about them. A chance for them to get away from everything; from the reality of what they were doing and the guilt that came with it. They were supposed to have fun, to enjoy each other's company without the constant voice in the back of their minds that someone might see, someone might find out what they were doing, someone might shatter their bubble and drag them back into the real world. It was supposed to be a chance for them to just be together without all the outside reasons reminding them why they shouldn't.

So far it wasn't working, the opposite actually. Not that it was a big surprise, given the main reason for their need to get away to be together, was interrupting their time together. Her sister's chipper voice was a constant reminder that what they were doing was wrong. So very wrong. Fuck. They were terrible people.

They had planned this. This was a planned trip. A planned betrayal. Not like all the times before, when they had been drunk or high or both, when they had accidentally ended up at the same place at the same time and one thing had led to another and they were off somewhere for a quickie. Rarely having time for more, rarely willing to risk anything more than a couple of intimate minutes together. That was why Ollie had suggested this, why she had agreed to this. She felt like throwing up again, but for entirely different reasons.

She looked at Ollie again, casually talking to her sister as if he wasn't just about to cross yet another line... as if he wasn't executing the biggest betrayal towards his girlfriend yet.

Fucking him in a bathroom at a club, or the back alley or whatever secluded place they could find to indulge in pleasure to satisfy their need wasn't enough anymore. She wanted more, she needed more. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms at the end of the night and wake up next to him the morning after. Sara wanted it all and she felt guilty and greedy for those thoughts.

Laurel was laughing at something Ollie had said, the joyful sound such an enormous contrast to the current situation, their betrayal, given the feelings her sister would have if she knew... She felt like the worst person ever, like Judas or whatever his name was… or that woman who got punished for wanting something that wasn't hers, she couldn't really recall the story but she remembered that, she remembered that the woman tried to get more than she was supposed to, more than was meant for her, she felt like that. Oliver and Laurel always and forever… everyone knew that. Sara was reminded of that god-awful movie her older sister had made her watch years ago with Julia Roberts, my best friend's wedding, or something like that, that was her. She was that horrible character in that movie, trying to ruin her sister's perfect life, even though she wasn't doing it on purpose.

She had never meant for any of this to happen.

She looked out the window again, contemplating hurling herself out of the door once more. Maybe she could then also jump off of the cliff. The ocean could swallow her, something the earth had refused to do so far. Making sure her sister would never find out what they had been doing behind her back, sparing her the pain of their actions.

She needed to get Ollie to hang up the phone now, or she was going to throw up.

God, she hated this. She hated the situation she was in. She hated Laurel, and she hated Ollie, but most of all, she hated herself. Knowing what she was doing to her sister, knowing the pain she was causing her should she ever find out. Fuck. Her stomach twisted in a by now very familiar way; guilt, shame, and self-loathing. If Laurel knew... if Laurel ever found out... this would kill her big sister, it would destroy their family. It would ruin everything.

He had tried to get his girlfriend off several times but never seriously enough to succeed. This needed to change. God, they were horrible people. They deserved a horrible death. She had the sudden urge to grab the wheel and make them drive off of the cliff...

Maybe she should listen to her mom and go back to therapy…

She tuned in to the conversation between the couple again. Laurel wanted to plan some kind of event. Ollie was encouraging her and promising to fund it. The urge to throw up was back again and with it came to urge to say something, to make her sister aware of what was going on, what exactly her boyfriend had planned for the next couple of days.

Sara bit her lip in a desperate attempt to keep her mouth shut, to not follow her latest impulse. Nothing good would come out of it, the opposite actually.

Laurel was laughing again, telling Ollie how amazing and sweet he was and thanking him for his help. Sara wanted to scream. She wanted to finally make a sound, wanted her sister to know what her amazing and sweet boyfriend was doing behind her back. She wanted to be less fucked up. She wanted to be a good person, someone who would never do this to her own sister. She wanted to no longer feel like this. She wanted it all to stop. Fuck!

But she wanted Ollie even more.

She was digging her nails into the leather of the car seat, wondering what she could do to get him to hang up now, without her sister learning about her presence in her boyfriend's car, before she gave in to one of her impulses. She looked at Ollie again, letting her eyes trail along his gorgeous body, stopping at his lap. An idea forming.

She slightly shifted towards Ollie, before placing her hand on his knee slowly moving it up his thigh until she reached his crotch. Ollie's eyes strayed from the road for a second to look at her with incredulity.

Losing his place in the conversation for a moment, before continuing as if nothing had happened. Sara upped the ante and grabbed his dick through his pants, slightly squeezing, raising an eyebrow at him, hoping he got the message, when Ollie looked at her again in complete disbelieve. He lost his place in the conversation again, this time seriously struggling to focus on his conversation with her sister. Once more, trying to end the phone call, slightly more insistent this time.

Laurel was still not getting the hint. Chattering on. Her hand opened the button and zipper of his pants before moving it inside his boxers.

"Laurel, sweety, I really gotta go... talk to you soon. Yeah, you too. Bye." He disconnected the call, never letting her sister finish her reply, right before he groaned.

"What the fuck are you doing, Sar?" He threw her a dubious look again before focusing back on the road.

"Finally getting your attention." Sara looked at him pointedly, her eyes turned to slits. She was done. She was just so fucking done. She started to work him, exactly the way he loved, watching him intently, noticing all the signs that told her just what her activities were doing to him. His hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly, his breathing was increasing and sweat was building on his forehead… Sara was pretty sure she had his undivided attention now, her sister probably as far from his mind as possible.

The car suddenly swiveled and Ollie nearly drove them off of the cliff. Maybe giving him a hand job while they were driving on an ocean road above the cliffs with no way for him to drive to the side and stop, if things got too much for him, might not have been her best idea, it had done the intended job though and he had ended the phone call before she did something even more stupid.

Honestly, she had barely begun what she was doing, when the car swiveled, changed lanes and for a moment Sara was sure whatever higher power there might be, had heard her previous thoughts and was now granting her her wish, only for Ollie to take control of the car again, and moving them back into their lane.

"Fuck, Sara! Are you trying to get us killed?!" She moved her hand out if his pants, when he pulled at her wrist harshly to signal her to do just that. He put his dick back into his pants with the same hand, pulling his zipper up and buttoning them again, his eyes never leaving the road.

What was his fucking problem? It wasn't like he had complained until just now that HE had nearly driven them off of the cliff.

They drove in silence for several minutes. Sara contemplating if she should say something… not sure what, though. Ollie was still looking straight ahead, not paying her any attention. Fine, she'd play along and not say shit until he calmed the fuck down, didn't usually take too long.

He was too quiet. Her eyes trailed to the clock on the dash again. They've been driving in silence for almost twenty minutes now.

"Ollie…" she began, tired of the tension and the silence.

"Sara, I really don't feel like talking to you right now." His voice left no room for arguments and his words were pretty harsh. Fine, whatever. She hadn't really known what she was going to say, anyway. She turned her entire body towards the window, so her back was facing him. Fine! Guess they weren't going to be talking to each other for even longer.

She was bored now that Ollie had not only spoiled her fun but was also deliberately ignoring her, and also kind of hot and bothered. She chewed on her bottom lip, thinking. Fuck. She rubbed her thighs together. All that did was make her even more aware of how wet her panties were, thanks to her ministrations from before.

Fucking asshole.

What was even the point of her being here? He had talked to her for maybe around thirty minutes in the two and a half hours they've been on the road. She leaned her head against the window, once again watching the scenery pass. Trying to ignore him and pretend he wasn't here, either. All that did was make her mind reply the last few hours.

Ollie had sounded pretty pissed, and turned the radio on, turning the volume up, making it perfectly clear that he didn't feel like talking to her right now and completely focusing on the road ahead. Asshole. This was his fault. Had he not been on the phone with his girlfriend for almost two fucking hours, she wouldn't have had to use drastic measures to get his attention. He should be grateful she hadn't crashed them in the ocean on purpose, or let Laurel know she was in the car with her boyfriend on the way to spend a long weekend screwing him in ways her perfect sister would never even dream of, let alone dare to try out. She could be such a prude sometimes. Honestly, no wonder Ollie had the tendency to stray.

Yeah, he should be fucking grateful all she's done was give him a fucking hand job. And nothing had happened. They've swiveled slightly. They've done worse at the abandoned Highway outside of Starling. How many cars had he and Tommy crashed again?

God, what was his fucking problem?!

This was just fucking awesome. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe they should just turn back around. What was the point if he was going to be in a prissy mood for the rest of the trip? God, he could be so fucking dramatic.

She let her eyes travel over his form again, stopping at the bulge still obvious in his pants. On hind sight that might not have been the best choice of action either, because she was getting seriously hot and bothered now. Stupid, she was so fucking stupid! Sara let her head drop back onto the headrest, hitting it against it a couple of times for good measure.

The blonde looked up at his face again. His jaw was set tight, looking straight ahead, his eyes on the road before them. Still ignoring her.

Sara was getting seriously pissed now too, and that didn't help her situation any. She rubbed her legs together again, shifting around restlessly.

Fine. She didn't need him to entertain her. If he wanted to be that way... whatever. If he was determined to ignore her, they were gonna see how well he was going to succeed at doing that while she was enjoying herself.

Asshole!

She moved the backrest of her seat back, placed one of her feet on the dashboard, effectively spreading her legs, putting her hand between her legs, in order to pleasure herself. Sara shifted around a little more, until she got more comfortable and found the perfect position, never stopping the movements of her hand between her legs. She moaned wantonly, loudly and theatrically, while taking care of herself. Making sure he heard her even over the music loudly blaring over the speakers.

Try to ignore that asshole.

She could see Ollie glance at her through the corner of his eyes. Yeah, had he really thought she was just going to let him pretend she wasn't in the car with him? He should've known better. Should've known she was going to take his behavior as a challenge.

Sara kept her activities up, embolden by his reaction towards her.

Ollie glanced at her again, shifting in his seat, her eyes shifted from his face to his crotch again, yes, she was most definitely getting to him.

She smirked in satisfaction and triumph at the knowledge of just how much she was getting to him. Fuck, she was close. She threw her head back, breathing hard and closing her eyes in pleasure. Fuck, almost there.

"Would you stop that! Are you fucking stupid? Do you seriously want me to crash the car!" His hand was on her wrist once more, removing it from between her legs, before shoving her foot off of the dashboard harshly, and pushing her seat back into an upright position.

She looked at him, but his eyes were still trained on the street ahead. He moved his hand back to the steering wheel, ignoring her once again. Asshole. She gritted her teeth in anger, folding her arms across her chest. Forcefully turning her head away from him, staring out the window once more, watching the cliff and the ocean beneath.

She rubbed her legs together again. She had just been about to cum, something he had interrupted with his actions just now. Thank you very much. He couldn't even let her cum. She was sure he had chosen the moment to interrupt her on purpose. Knowing exactly just how fucking close she had been.

Asshole!

She was so fucking pissed at him now. Fuck, she really needed to cum. They drove along in silence, the tension even thicker than it had been before.

They continued their journey for long minutes until Ollie drove to the side of the road the first chance he got, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before the tires had stopped completely, putting the car into park with one hand, unclipping both of their seat belts with the other, pushing his seat backwards while pulling her into his lap with his hand on her ass. His mouth hungrily crashing down on hers while making sure she was ready for him, seriously? There was no fucking need for foreplay. She had just been about to have an orgasm, which he had prevented.

Asshole.

Sara rode him hard and fast, making sure she reached the high she was so desperately craving. She slowed her movements down once her orgasm had passed, leaning back into the steering wheel and smirking at Ollie.

"Thanks, babe, I really needed that." She shifted backwards, moving her legs to get up off his lap and back on her side of the car.

"What the fuck?!" The look on his face was priceless. Had he seriously thought she'd just let his behavior slide? More than that, reward him for it? Yeah, right! Fuck no! She was still way too fucking pissed at him to actually give him the satisfaction of helping him get off. If he wanted to cum, he'd just have to take care of it himself.

Asshole.

"Handle it yourself, asshole! I'm not your fucking whore. And I don't appreciate being treated like one." She threw him an evil glare before getting out of the car. Breathing was suddenly becoming an issue, and it had nothing to do with the orgasm she just had.

She pushed the door closed and stepped away from the car; she looked on both sides of the road, making sure no car was coming before hurrying across, until she reached the other end needing to get away from him, needing to get as much space in between them as she could. The railing on the cliff stopping her flight.

It was too much. This was all too much.

She looked down into the ocean, desperately trying to blink the tears that had gathered in her eyes away. Biting her lip to keep the sobs that wanted to tear free inside. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction and power of getting to her like this. Fuck!

What the fuck was she doing here? Why was she letting Ollie do this to her? Why was she doing this to herself? Fuck! It hurt. Everything just fucking hurt so badly.

This was supposed to be a fun trip for the two of them. It was supposed to be just about them. It was supposed to be good and happy and not… not this… Fuck!

This was the first time… she had been screwing Ollie for months now, had been his dirty little secret for months now, but this… this was the first time she had felt like this, the first time she had felt like his whore.

She focused her gaze on the rocky shores at the bottom of the cliff. It would be so easy to climb over the railing and just let herself fall down… Her hands gripped the edge of the railing so hard her knuckles turned white. Fuck! She wasn't sure whether it was to hold herself back or hurtle herself over it.

Fuck!

She suddenly felt sixteen again. Remembering the stabbing pain she had felt in her heart the first time she had seen Ollie and Laurel kiss. The bright radiant smiles on their faces. They had been so fucking blissful, happy and in love, while she had been dying inside, feeling like screaming and throwing up.

Three hours, she had spent three hours quietly sitting in the car next to him, two of which he had spent talking on the phone to her sister, perfect Laurel who had everything, including Ollie, especially Ollie, and then almost another hour with him giving her the silent treatment, ignoring her, acting as if she weren't there, until he got an itch he needed her to scratch. Asshole. And she knew rationally that she was the one who had started that sick, twisted game they were playing, but still… it fucking hurt. He had ignored her for almost three hours, only paying her attention now when he wanted to get fucked.

Fuck, she could feel the tears leave her eyes and run down her cheeks. Fuck! She could feel the first sob escape and once it did, the others followed, and she was helpless to stop them. Fuck!

She was desperately sobbing before she knew what was happening. It didn't take long for her legs to give out under her, and she sank to the stone floor beneath her feet. Her head buried in her hands. God, she hated this.

She hated Ollie. And she hated the world and her life. And her sister.

But most of all, she hated herself. Because she was the only one to blame for the situation she was currently in.

She should've never agreed to this. She shouldn't be here. Fuck.

It hurt so fucking much. He was her best friend...how could he... he was her best friend!

He shouldn't be able to make her feel like this. Fuck.

She suddenly felt a big hand softly touch her shoulder and her first instinct was to flinch, move away from the familiar touch, get away from him and the whirlwind of conflicting and confusing emotions his presence evoked in her.

"Sara" his voice was soft, pained, and a part of her wanted to do nothing more than comfort him, make his pain go away, another part wanted to ignore him, like he had ignored her and then there was the part that wanted to lash out, to attack him and claw at him, make him hurt as much as she was, even if she would have to use physical measures to achieve that.

"Sara,… Pretty Bird, I'm sorry… I didn't mean… I never meant… I'm sorry." He never did mean to... but that didn't change shit. He still always did.

Pretty Bird... the usually beloved endearment sounded hollow right now. It sounded like something he used to try to placate her. As if he was trying to pacify her by making her feel special... Pretty Bird... that's all she was to him, a pretty little thing to play with, locked in a cage only let out when it pleased him, for his own entertainment. Caged bird. Look pretty and sing on command.

Fuck him! She wasn't a possession, wasn't his toy.

Her crying intensified. She hadn't thought it would be possible. Everything hurt. Her chest was too tight, and she just wanted to crawl out of her skin. Jump off the cliff, anything to make it stop. Fuck!

"Sar... please... I..." he tried to touch her again, comfort her with his physical presence like he had countless times in the years she's known him. He sounded so hurt, so lost. She shrugged her shoulder out of his reach again, shifting her entire body away from him and closer towards the edge of the cliff.

She looked up from her knees for a moment to let her eyes trail down the steep side of the bluff and the rocky shores under it. Her hands were itching to crawl towards it to make it all stop. Her nails were digging into her thighs now in an urgent attempt to hold herself back, to make those terrifying thoughts go away. Fuck.

She was crying in desperate anguish now. Scared to death. Her gaze watched the waves crash against the rocks below.

Sara suddenly let go of her legs and hurled herself into Ollie's arms, clutching him to her desperately. She felt his arms encircle her, felt him hold on to her tightly. She felt safe in his arms, more balanced. The urge to jump off the cliff slowly dissipated while he was stroking her hair and back, pulling her into his lap.

The teenager didn't want to feel like this. She didn't want those thoughts back in her mind. She didn't want to die. All she wanted was for the pain to stop.

Ollie was kissing her hair, her shoulders, murmuring apologies and sweet nothings to her. His touch, his voice, his words... they were calming her down. Her pain ebbed away in his arms until all that was left was a dull ache. No one else could do that. Only Ollie. He always made her feel safe, protected, even from her own mind.

Her sobbing ceased until she was quietly sitting in his lap, holding on to him tightly, her head laying on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time. Just sitting on the gravel, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff and the occasional car driving past them. She had lost all track of time by the time she lifted her head from his shoulders and sought out his face.

What she saw took her by surprise. His cheeks were wet, his eyes red rimmed... he'd cried. Ollie had been crying, too. She lifted her hands from his shoulders and framed his face with them, brushing the last of his tears away with her thumbs. She bit her lip at the anguished look in his eyes and could feel her own tear up again at the sight he presented. Fuck.

They were such a fucking mess. One colossal disaster.

"Ollie..." her voice broke before she could say what she wanted, not sure how to tell him what she meant to. The words were eluding her even if her voice wouldn't have betrayed her. How could she put into words what she was feeling when she wasn't even sure she understood herself? How could she tell him what she still hadn't figured out for herself?

"Sara..." Their eyes were still locked. There were so many different emotions swirling around his beautiful blue hues. Were hers looking the same way? Was he as lost for words as she was? Their eyes tried to communicate what their voices couldn't. And before she knew it their mouths were fused together in a desperate kiss. Their tongues twisting sensually around each other, hands grabbing and clutching at the other's body.

Her hands were in between them on their own accord, opening the button and fly of his pants. Sara needed to feel him; she needed to be one with him. She had tried to pull him into her, make him a part of her own body... an impossible feat. This was the closest she could come to make him a part of her, hold on to him forever. Make him hers.

She always made sure his mind was on her and only her, hoping she made him forget her sister's name in those moments. That she was all he thought about, all that mattered, just like he was for her. She knew this was an area she exceeded in, one of the few things her sister was lacking in comparison. Sex was something she was very good at. She made Ollie beg on the regular.

Those were the few and rare moments he was only hers. In those brief instances, when their bodies were locked together, he belonged to her and only her.

After they were done, their bodies still coming down from the heights of pleasure, they stayed interlocked for a while, lying on the gravel floor on a small natural platform next to the road. She heard the sound of the ocean, Ollie's heavy breathing, felt his heart thrumming in his chest and the puffs of air floating over the skin of her neck with every one of his exhales.

This, this was what she loved the most. The moments she cherished, the few instances she truly felt at peace. They rarely got those moments, rarely got to enjoy the afterglow like this… she brushed her hand through his hair.

The honking of a passing car broke their peaceful quiet and harshly ripped them back into reality. Ollie got up and off of her, buttoning his pants, before holding his hand out to her, helping her up, pulling her into his chest and a bear hug. He kissed her crown, wrapped an arm over her shoulder and steered them back to the car. He opened her door for her before walking across and getting in himself.

He softly caressed her thigh before pulling the car out into the street. He took hold of her hand and interlaced their fingers once he was safely in their lane. They continued their journey in silence, but this time, she didn't mind. The silence wasn't stifling; it was comforting. She squeezed his hand, and he glanced at her, a soft look on his face, smiling that special smile at her.

She smiled back at him.

Notes:

As always, let me know what you think.

I missed my two hot messes and enjoyed writing pre-Gambit Canarrow again. It was supposed to be short and fun and then took on a life of its own and turned into this.

Chapter title is from the song "Wildest Dreams" by Taylor Swift.