August2004

Hermione's alarm went off and she groaned. She slammed her hand down on the snooze button and pulled the quilt over her head. The morning sun was way too bright for her throbbing head. She had barely dozed off when the alarm blasted out a second wake-up call.

"Merow."

Hermione lifted the quilt and was met with Crookshanks' squashed and disapproving face.

"Give me a break. I feel like shite," Hermione moaned.

Crookshanks swished his tail and jumped from the bed, no doubt to go throw disapproving looks at his empty food bowl. Hermione turned off the alarm and rolled onto her back. Her head pounded and her stomach rolled. She hadn't done anything last night to warrant feeling like this. It wouldn't be so bad if she had a night of drinking and/or sex to blame it on. Alas, her bed and liquor cupboard was empty.

When it felt like the aching had died down, Hermione slowly sat up and then immediately made a mad dash to the bathroom to vomit into the sink. Emptying her stomach made her feel better. She checked her temperature and was relieved to see it was normal. She'd had a nasty stomach flu the week before her and Draco's beach trip and wasn't keen on reliving that.

After a hot shower, some toast, and a cup of tea, Hermione's energy had increased significantly and she was able to apparate to meet up with Brian on Staten Island.

"Pushing the limit there, Granger," Brian called when he caught sight of her. "Any later and we wouldn't have time to get breakfast."

"I think it'll just be coffee for me today," Hermione said, falling into step with Brian as they made their way towards the corner bodega.

Brian looked at her and frowned. "Yeah, you don't look too good. Are you sure you're up for this today?"

"I'm fine."

"Adrienne's partner is out sick. I can always call her in if you need to go home and rest."

"I'm fine," Hermione repeated, pulling the shop door open and holding it open. She followed Brian through the door and was quickly halted as the mingled smells of melting cheese, hot sauce, and coffee flooded her nose and sent her running back outside. Brian found her dry heaving into a metal trash bin.

"You are definitely not fine," he said, rubbing her back.

"I'm not sick," Hermione wheezed as another retch wracked her body and she heard the passing people comment with, "Eww" and "Gross."

"Move along," Brian called. "It's not like y'all won't see worse by lunch."

Finally able to stand up straight, Hermione let go of the trash bin and went to wipe the sweat from her forehead.

"Wait!" Brian grabbed her wrist and pulled a small bottle of hand sanitizer from his pocket. "Touching your face after touching that would be the pinnacle of gross."

"Thanks," Hermione sighed, rubbing the sanitizer over her hands. "I think it's food poisoning. I'm not feverish. I just can't keep anything down."

"Look here."

Hermione looked up at the concerned face of her partner. He placed the back of his hand on her forehead and then grinned.

"What?" she asked.

"I'll be right back."

Brian darted back into the bodega and returned a few minutes later holding a cup of coffee and a paper bag. He took a sip of the coffee and handed her the paper bag. She opened it, expecting to see antacids to settle her stomach. Instead, it was a box with a home pregnancy test.

"That's not funny," Hermione said, shoving the bag back at him.

"I'm not trying to be funny. I have four kids. I know the signs when I see them," Brian said, tucking the bag into Hermione's purse. "I knew the last one was on the way before Cynthia did."

Hermione's heart started racing and her hands started shaking as her mind flashed back to a moment four years ago when she was alone, in a dingy bathroom, and staring at a bright blue plus sign. She didn't want to believe it then and she was finding it hard to believe it was a possibility now.

"Hermione"

She looked back up at Brian, a sea of tears threatening to spill over.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. I'm just saying it could be one of the multitude of reasons you're feeling this way."

"No, it's okay, Bri. The thought just took me by surprise." She glanced down at the bag and her stomach did another flip-flop. "Are you sure you'll be okay with Adrienne today?"

"Yeah, she owes me one. I can't think of a better way to call in a favor than having her accompany me around Staten Island for the day." Brian reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I hope everything turns out the way you want it to."

"Thanks, Brian."

Hermione slowly walked back to the apparition point and sent a text message to Lizzie, asking if she could come home for her lunch break. She had only just set her purse on the kitchen table when Lizzie let herself into Hermione's apartment.

"You didn't have to come right away," Hermione said.

"You said it was urgent."

"Well, yeah, but not an emergency. I don't want you getting in trouble with Darla for bunking off early."

Lizzie waved off her comment and said, "She's out sick with that stomach bug that's taken down every other person in the office."

"Let's hope that's what's gotten to me," Hermione sighed.

"You're sick?"

"Let's pray that's all it is," Hermione said, holding up the pregnancy test.

"Oh," Lizzie said quietly and nodded as Hermione unwrapped the stick and went to the bathroom.

Two minutes later they were both back at the table, staring at the results.

"Is the light playing a trick on my eyes or is that a second line?" Hermione asked, squinting at the stick.

Lizzie frowned and picked up the instruction pamphlet. "It says here that any line, even a faint one, indicates a positive result."

"Positive is a very subjective word," Hermione muttered. She picked up the test and looked closely. "There's definitely two lines there."

"You can't trust only one test. Start drinking and I'll be right back."

Hermione watched as Lizzie hurried out the door. With a heavy sigh, she dropped the positive test and went to get a glass of water. When Lizzie returned she unloaded an armful of boxes onto the table.

"Why the hell do you have so many pregnancy tests?" Hermione asked, picking up a purple box with a smiling couple. The woman's belly was huge and Hermione hoped she knew she had taken a test long before she got to that moment.

"You never know when you'll need one."

"One, not a dozen!"

Hermione inspected the different boxes as she gulped her water. There were several tests that gave the results with one or two lines. Some gave an easier reading of a plus or minus sign. There was one that actually flashed an unmistakable Pregnant or Not Pregnant in the results window.

"You can't be serious with this one!" Hermione cried, holding up a box with Austin Powers' face on it. The name of the test was 'Yeah, baby!' If the test was positive, a peace symbol appeared. If it was negative, a thumbs down symbol lit up. "Where the hell did you get this?"

"Spencer Gifts," Lizzie answered as if everyone had an Austin Powers pregnancy test in their medicine cabinet. She waved her wand and conjured a disposable cup. "When you need to pee, pee in this," Lizzie instructed, handing the cup to Hermione. "That way we can do several tests at once"

"Lovely," Hermione said, staring warily at the cup in her hand.

It took two full glasses of water before Hermione was able to use the bathroom again. She used one of each of the tests, including the Austin Powers one. In the end, she was left staring at two vivid lines, a plus sign, a peace sign, and the final declaration of Pregnant.

"Fuck," Hermione said, letting her head drop into her hands. "I don't get how this happened. I'm so diligent with my pill!"

"Did you use extra protection on your vacation with Draco last month?" Lizzie asked as she vanished all the used tests and cast a scourgify over the table.

"No, but it's not like the beach affects birth control."

"Hermione," Lizzie groaned. "How many days did you have that stomach flu?"

Hermione thought for a moment and then answered, "Three days. But I took my pills every...oh, shit."

"Yeah, you took them and then threw them right back up."

"I'm such an idiot!"

Hermione barely remembered anything from those days she had been sick. Her fever had spiked high and fast, leaving her exhausted and half delirious. Had it gone on a day longer, Lizzie would have dragged her arse to the No-Maj emergency room.

Lizzie reached her hand across the table and held Hermione's. "You have time to decide what you want to do with this news."

"It's not just my decision to make, though, is it?"

"It is if you want it to be."

Hermione leaned back in her chair and covered her face with her hands. "I don't even know if Draco wants kids. We never discussed that part of our future. Fuck, we haven't even talked about marriage. I've only just decided to move back to England and still haven't told him that. What if a baby is something he doesn't want? What if makes me something he doesn't want?"

"Do you honestly think after all you two have gone through he's going to leave you because of a baby?"

"I don't know. He doesn't have a great relationship with his father. What if he doesn't want to be one?"

"You're throwing out a lot of 'what ifs' and there's only one way you're going to get those questions answered.

Hermione nodded and drew her feet up onto the chair, wrapping her arms around her bent legs. She was having flashes of deja vu and her mind was in a chaotic spiral. Logical Hermione was trying to take over but Hysterical Hermione had locked her out of the cockpit and taken control. She couldn't believe she had let one stupid mistake mess everything up again!

"Hermione!"

Her head snapped up to find Lizzie kneeling right in front of her.

"I know what you're thinking right now and you need to stop," Lizzie said firmly. "This is completely different from what happened between you and Ron. Don't assume you know how others are going to react."

Hermione nodded and a few tears slipped down her cheeks. Lizzie grabbed her hands and pulled her up to wrap her in a hug.

"No matter what, you're not alone," Lizzie murmured, holding her tight.

"Thank you," Hermione whispered.

Lizzie left shortly after and Hermione tried to nap, but it was a feeble attempt. She couldn't stop thinking and making plans, mentally figuring out if she'd be able to push her timeline up a month. Giving up on any form of sleep, she got out of bed and washed her face.

At the kitchen table, she penned a quick letter to the British Ministry of Magic and set off for the nearest magical post office. With reassurance that the Prime Minister would have it first thing the following morning, Hermione set off to have an overdue conversation.

When she reached the shade of the large beech tree, Hermione knelt down in front of the pink gravestone. The grass was long overdue for a cut and the soft blades of grass tickled her bare ankles. The headstone itself was covered in remnants of previous mowings and Hermione brushed the dried clippings off the stone's face until Molly's name was fully visible.

Sitting down in the grass, Hermione ran her hands over the tips of the blades as she stared at her daughter's name. In the quiet solitude of the cemetery, she let herself cry as she imagined what Molly would be like at three years old.

She liked to think that the little girl would have been laid back and easy-going, like Ron, but that she would have inherited Hermione's natural curiosity and love for learning about anything and everything. With all her uncles and cousins to help her get into trouble, Molly Katherine would have been quite the three-year-old force to be reckoned with.

"Hey, sweetheart," Hermione whispered, wiping the back of her hand across her eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been here in a while. Life has been a bit weird the last few months." She let out a pained laugh when the breeze blew a few strands of hair over her head and into her face. "Yeah, I know. When isn't it weird?"

Growing up, her family wasn't at all religious. Her parents were atheists. She had been told that when a person died, that was the end; no spirit or ghost lingered in the afterlife. After meeting the ghosts of Hogwarts and seeing Sirius fall through the veil, Hemione knew there was more. She didn't know if there was a 'one true God' but she believed that the ones they loved were never truly gone. Today her daughter was in the cooling breeze that persisted against the oppressive humidity.

Hermione let out a sigh and looked up at the specks of sunshine that were able to peek through the leaves. "You would have been a great big sister and you would have really liked Draco. I think if he gives himself the chance, he'll be a great dad. He's been getting good at taking chances lately. He's actually trying to have a relationship with Lucious."

Pushing herself forward, Hermione leaned over and let her head rest against the smooth granite.

"I ramble all of this to say, I think it's time for me to go home." She took a deep breath and didn't bother to try and wipe away the fresh tears that sprang forward. "The therapist says this feeling of guilt is perfectly natural, even though it all feels anything but natural. Natural would be..." Hermione trailed off, not wanting to go down that path. "I finally feel like I've come to understand that leaving New York doesn't mean I'm leaving you behind. You'll always be with me, a part of me, wherever I go."

The breeze rustled her hair again and Hermione smiled.

"Thank you for the reassurance. Who knows, maybe in an ironic twist of fate your dad and I might be swapping places. Whenever he's up here, let him know you're with him too. Feel free to get creative with it."

This time the wind caught all of her hair up and whipped it around the side of her head, into her face. Hermione laughed as she spluttered on strands of hair.

"Yes, just like that!" She wrapped her hand around her locket and swallowed the lump that threatened to choke her. "Just like that…" Hermione sighed and then asked, "I'm doing the right thing, right?"

The breeze tickled across her face and ruffled her hair.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Your hands are shaking, Mr. Malfoy."

Draco gritted his teeth and said, "Yes, I'm aware, Isaac," without taking his eyes off the smoking vial he had clasped between tongs.

"Do you want me to take the memo that's tapping against your head?"

Draco closed his eyes so that the young intern couldn't see them roll to the back of his skull.

"That would be most helpful, Isaac."

Isaac the Intern reached up and plucked the paper plane from the air and read it out loud.

"Please report to the office of the Deputy Head of International Muggle Relations. The office is on the fourth floor and the secretary is expecting you. Achee."

"Achee?"

"Signed, Achee."

Draco shook his head. "The Royal Deputy Head with an unfortunate name will have to wait. Get ready to stir this as soon as the first drop hits."

The department was on the cusp of a breakthrough with improving the efficacy of the Wiggenweld Potion and he couldn't leave at this crucial stage in brewing. With a steadied hand, Draco started to gently tip the vial, moving at a painfully slow speed as to not add the stabilizer too fast and have the entire concoction explode.

Once the stabilizer had been added, Draco took over the stirring and Isaac went about gathering supplies for the final stage. Draco's attention was focused on keeping count of the clockwise and counterclockwise spins. Luckily when the second memo zoomed into the lab and into his hair, Isaac took it without asking and Draco didn't lose count.

When he had finished stirring and brought the mixture to a low simmer, Draco stepped back, took off his safety goggles, and asked, "What did the message say?"

"Please report to the office of the Deputy of International Muggle Relations as soon as possible. The office is on the fourth floor and the secretary is expecting you. Achee."

"What the hell does this man want with me?" Draco watched the potion simmer peacefully for a few seconds and then left the lab. He hung up his lab robes and set Isaac with the task of preparing the final ingredients. "We don't need to add the last bit for another fifty-five minutes. I can't imagine this 'important' meeting," Draco rolled his eyes and continued, "will take too much time. Just keep an eye on the cauldron. Any sign that it's getting above a simmer, bring the temperature down."

Isaac nodded and Draco made his way to the fourth floor, Department of International Magical Cooperation. He was on that floor so rarely, he had to ask a passing witch for directions to the Muggle Relations office. When he finally arrived, he was greeted by a very young secretary, whom Draco assumed to be another in the fresh batch of interns they had gotten from the most recent graduating class.

"Hello. How can I help you?" The secretary greeted, with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Draco Malfoy, here to see the deputy head."

"Oh, yes. She just stepped out but-"

"I'll wait inside then. After all, she is just so eager to speak to me."

Draco strode through the opened door of the office before the dazed secretary could come up with a reason why he couldn't. The desk and shelves were half bare and several cardboard boxes were scattered on the carpet. The department must have undergone a changing of the guard. He wondered if this woman was on her way out or in.

He didn't need to wait long. As Draco was mentally preparing a speech to rip a strip off the woman with a horrible name, he heard the secretary say, "Mr. Malfoy is in your office. I couldn't stop him."

Draco spun around with his scolding finger raised and a rant on his tongue, only to be left blinking and bemused.

"Hermione?"

"Took you long enough," she said, closing the door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked and he ran through a list of reasons she would have been called in here. He couldn't say for sure but he was pretty sure there was no law against dating witches or wizards that lived in foreign countries. Surely someone would have told them if there was.

"This is my office. Sorry, I had to go down the hall to get the daily briefing," she said, holding up a folder.

"You're Achee?"

"What the hell is an Achee?"

"I thought it was the name of the person sending those memos. My intern was reading them out to me and he kept saying 'signed, Achee'."

Hermione burst out laughing and dropped the folder on the desk. "Or maybe signed HG?"

"Isaac is a fast talker from the West Midlands," Draco said as a way of explanation and Hermione laughed again. "Wait. This is your office?"

"Yup, all mine," she said, moving to stand in front of him and run her fingers down his tie.

Draco's smile beamed across his whole face. "How long has this been in the works?"

'Not long, maybe three months?" Hermione bit her lip and her face fell with worry. "There were a few things I had to work through and be sure of before I could leave. You're not upset, are you?"

"Merlin, no," Draco said, pulling her into a hug. "Shocked and surprised, yes, but not upset. Where is all of your stuff?"

"At Harry and Ginny's"

"We'll have to fix that first thing tonight."

Hermione kissed him before slowly moving to her desk. "I didn't know if you still wanted me to move in with you. There's-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Draco was in front of her with one knee on the floor. He took one of her hands in his as he pulled the ring box from his trouser pocket. There were a million things he wanted to say at that moment but he stuck with Potter's advice and kept it simple.

"I want you with me forever. Hermione, will you marry me?"

"Draco, I-"

Hermione stared at the ring for a moment before falling into her chair with tears cascading down her face. Draco's heart crashed into the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure which response was worse- laughing or crying.

"Right." Draco pushed himself to his feet and shoved the box back in his pocket. "A simple no would have been fine."

He reached for the door but Hermione jumped out of the chair and pulled him back.

"No, Draco, wait!

"Hermione, it's fine. I'm not-"

"It's not fine, you stupid arse!" She wrapped her arms around him and clung tightly. "Please, don't leave. I love you and I do want to marry you."

"But?"

She tried to speak but started crying harder and buried her face in his chest. Draco felt frozen on the spot.

"Hermione?" he said gently, reaching up and stroking a hand over her hair.

"We weren't supposed to have this conversation here," she sobbed. After a minute of deep breathing, Hermione stepped back and swiped her fingers across her eyes, leaving streaks of makeup in their wake.

"I'm pregnant," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Draco's eyes went wide and his breath caught in his throat, allowing him to only utter a quiet, "Oh."

"Two months."

"Oh."

"I know this isn't at all what we had planned and I just needed you to know before you make a decision you might regret."

"Regret?"

"I understand if you want to take your proposal back and think about things."

Draco sat down on the edge of the desk and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a small laugh of disbelief. He had never really let himself entertain the thought of being a parent. There used to be a part of him that feared that becoming a father inevitably meant becoming his father. That fear was still there, somewhere, but he knew it would be unfounded.

He looked up at Hermione's crestfallen face and motioned her to him. When she was close enough, he placed a hand on her stomach. Looking up into her eyes, he said, "I don't know if I know how to be a father. I feel like I only know what not to do."

"Then you know exactly what to do." Hermione cupped his cheek and gave him a tentative smile. "You're okay with this?"

"I'm scared to death, but also excited." Draco smiled as he pulled the ring box back out of his pocket. "As long as you're by my side."

"Yes," Hermione said, watching as Draco slid the ring on her finger.

Placing a hand on either side of his head, Hermione leaned down and kissed him. She let out a squeak of surprise when Draco pulled her onto his lap. Brushing the curls out of her face, Draco grinned.

"When do I get to put claw marks on your desk?"