29

I looked back down at the body wrapped up before my legs gave out and I dropped to my knees, gently moving to wrap my arms around the top of the tarp. I gently raised it to hold him to me. Finally my chest began to move back and forth quickly as I felt my face shake. I slowly pressed him to my chest carefully as if he were a new born child. I let my face press into the plastic for a moment, hot tears streaming down my face. This was not a dream, but a nightmare I was stuck in. Slowly I lifted my face unable to look at the two men on either side of me.

"Which one of you did it?" I asked venomously even though I already knew the answer.

"It was me." Charlie replied and I whipped my head at him.

"LIAR!" I screamed causing Thomas to jump some.

"Well hell why'd you ask if you already knew!" he snapped back and I just shook my head gently rocking Ant in my arms.

"He was gone. He was leaving." I sobbed.

"Exactly. He was leaving. He would have come back with the cops in a matter of days if we left him go. We couldn't let him go." Charlie argued and I shook my head and looked at him, blinking rapidly so the tears would fall quickly down my face.

"He was my family." I cried.

"No WE are your family! You're in this just as deep as we are." he told and I just shook my head.

"He wouldn't have told." I whined and Charlie raised his hand and looked around with annoyance before looking back at me.

"You don't know that. None of us did! We can't risk anyone knowin' what we done. You think the cops are gonna just walk us out of the house? No they're going to shoot us down like animals. Me, Thomas, Mama, you! I ain't gonna let anyone hurt my family not even that outsider!" he ranted pointing down at the body in my arms. My body was shaking with emotions I never thought I would feel.

"And who was I? I was an outsider too wasn't I yet you accepted me. You watched me grow, you watched us grow!" I yelled, and I just looked at Thomas for a split second. He looked like a scared child having to listen to his parents fight. He was useless in this moment. Charlie shook his head.

"I ain't gonna argue with you. Now I could have lied to spare your feelings. I could have said he stopped at the gas station one of our family over heard him on the phone planning to call the cops down here. Would that have made you feel better? Huh! Would that have justified us having to kill him then?" he snapped. I hiccupped and just cried harder holding him to me. They were going to eat him, they were going to make me eat him and I would never have known.

"I'm gonna be sick!" I sobbed hard into the bag. I could see Charlie out of the corner of my eyes moving over to me, arms raised out some.

"Now come on let's get you in the house. I'll have Mama make you some tea." he said, but immediately I smacked his hands away pushing him as far away from me as possible before moving to hold Ant again.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and cried more into the body. Charlie stiffened and glared down at me.

"Well it seems you need some time to process this… in your room. Tommy go escort her back to her room." he commanded, voice cold enough to make me shiver. I looked up at him slowly, my face wet yet my eyes showed the pain and betrayal he had caused me.

"You can't do this to my brother." I said dryly feeling Thomas' arms start to take my shoulder. I shrugged away from his hands knowing he was going to force me to my feet if I didn't cooperate. I looked back at Ant before slowly lying him down on the ground. I couldn't leave him here. Slowly I stood up and just looked at Charlie.

"He can't become like the others." I said. Charlie removed his hat and rubbed the back of his sweating head.

"Alright, alright. I will bury him." he said. I shook my head not believing him. He raised his hands. "I promise! I WILL bury him!" I didn't want to move from this spot but quietly, I just walked around him to the door feeling a fire inside me I had never felt before. I could hear Thomas behind me and I crossed my arms into my body to show I didn't want him close. He was close though, showing he wasn't a fool. He was ready to grab me if I tried anything. I marched into the house looking around at the entire living room. Nothing was friendly, nothing was the same. I knew Charlie was going to eat my brother. I knew Luda Mae would too. But I wouldn't eat anything they brought to me.

As Luda Mae moved into the living room, wiping her hands on her apron she looked at us.

"What's going on?" she asked. I looked at her breaking down again.

"Charlie killed Anton!" I yelled as I just ran up the stairs hearing her yell "what the hell?". I ran to my room and just screamed after falling on to the floor before the end of the bed. I felt I would throw up. Everything in my stomach was coming up. I hurried to my feet and ran to my bathroom, my cheeks swelling with vomit. I hurried to my toilet and barely made it. My voice was raw already as everything was coming up into the toilet. I was crying and yacking all at the same time. Once it stopped I panted gently and remained on the ground for a moment. I gripped my hair and just held myself. How could he do this? How could Thomas do this? I felt completely broken as I slowly used the sink to climb back to my feet. I walked back into my room to see Thomas standing there looking at his feet glancing up at me from time to time.

He was like a guilty dog who would look away and glance back at its owner from time to time. I wanted to ask how he could do this to me. How he hurt someone who cared for him. How could he betray me this way? But no words left my mouth. My lips quivered as if I were about to cry. I looked down, shutting my eyes feeling the tears escape me.

"You betrayed me." I finally said.

"It was quick." he said swiftly, taking a step toward me. And that was supposed to make me feel better? I shook my head looking at him.

"Go away." I said. He leaned back, clutching the bottom of his apron. I finally noticed the dark blood stains on his clothes. Were those my brothers? Did he truly make him suffer or was he quick as he was desperately trying to convince me. "I said go. Away." He had the audacity to look hurt and that alone made me snap.

"YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! YOU BETRAYED ME, YOU'VE HURT ME FOREVER!" I screamed making his shoulders tense up. I bawled harder now. "You're not my friend! You are not my love!" His eyes widened some at my words as I clutched my stomach.

"You're a liar!" I cried now and he took another careful step toward me opening his arms to me as if to console me but I just pushed at him crying more. "GET AWAY FROM ME THOMAS!"

"Thomas come on in the kitchen honey!" Luda Mae calls. I drop to my knees once more covering my face to release everything I felt. I fell over onto the ground, holding myself and crying more. I could hear his heavy footsteps fading now and the door closing quickly. My hands were flat on the ground as I shook and cried more. Slowly I looked up to see I was alone and looked around the place. It was all a lie. I got too comfortable and it made me careless. Charlie would be watching more harder now. After this the trust was completely gone between me and this family and he knows it.

We were back at square one. My hands curled into fists as I inhaled slowly and sat up. They did this to me and I knew I couldn't stay here any longer, but by now Charlie knows this too. He's going to expect me to be planning something. And he was right to assume so, because I would be planning something. I didn't leave my room for the rest of the night. I washed up and just stood in front of the window staring out into the vast wasteland.

When was the right time to go? It had to be during a moment they were at their weakest. There was a gentle knock.

"Tati, can I come in?" I heard Luda Mae ask. No. I was quiet for a moment and looked down. She didn't sound too upset.

"Yes." I replied keeping my disdain low. The door opened and in she came with a small tray.

"Oh Tati, I am so sorry about Anton." she said. My jaw tightened some as I turned to look at her.

"Are you?" I asked. She nodded.

"Of course. That boy was like family. I harshly scolded both Charlie and Thomas for what they did. I don't believe he would have told on us." she said. What do you want, Luda Mae, I wanted to ask. I looked at the tray she sat on the bed.

"Made you some eggs with some toast and tea. Figured you wouldn't be coming down for a while." she said and then looked at me removing her glasses and rubbing her eyes. I just nodded.

"Thanks." I said lowly and she nodded.

"I found you some clothes for the winter times that are rolling by. They're in the closet." she said. I nodded slowly and just looked back toward the window into the night.

"Good night Tati. Breakfast will be ready for you in the morning, if you want to join us." she said. I was quiet for a moment nodding. In the reflection of the window I could see her closing the door and I just closed my eyes feeling I would break down again. I couldn't let them get away with this. I wouldn't.