30
I lied awake listening to the noises outside… but there were no noises. No bugs, no animals, nothing except the large tree on the side of the house. He's gone. My brother is gone. My mother was gone. They were the last of my blood and now they were gone. I closed my eyes and before I knew the sun was filling my room. I sat up and felt my body was just sore. My throat is raw from crying. What was my plan? What was my plan for escaping?
I pondered on this as I got up and moved to the door. I gently creaked it open and glanced down the hall. Empty. I opened the door further out before noticing another trey of food on the ground. It was a bowl of meat soup and water. I leaned down and took the trey and just stood there staring at the soup. What was in this? Who was in this? My body began to shake violently and now I jumped when I saw Luda Mae standing there.
"Good morning, Tati. How'd you sleep?" she asked. I stared at her my eyes empty of emotions.
"I didn't." I responded and she sighed sadly.
"Well how about you help me with the morning chores after breakfast- you know take your mind off of what happened." she said. Did she think that would help? Could she even comprehend how bad this really was? I didn't eat the soup. I just drank the water and called it breakfast. Luda Mae winced.
"Come eat breakfast with us, Tati. Thomas and Charlie, they're real sorry for what they done." she said, and I couldn't stop the glare from appearing on my face. Her eyes saddened at me and I just handed her the tray. She took it slowly.
"Thank you for the water." I said and closed the door.
I wouldn't hole myself up in my room all day. Then it really would look like I was plotting something. I tried on the jeans and long red bell sleeve shirt I found in the different suitcases left for me. My hair was in a long thick braid. I opened the door stepped out feeling something dry on my feet. I stepped back and looked down to see a bunch of flowers on the floor. I tilted my head observing them. Obviously, they were from Thomas. They were purple flowers. I didn't know the names of them. I just frowned and stepped over them and kept walking. As promised, I was outside doing laundry, helping Luda Mae around the house. As I hung up the wet clothes to dry, my stomach was already growling from hunger. I ignored it and hung up big pants and aprons and dresses. I knew exactly who's was whose due to size.
Charlie was sitting on his chair on the front porch watching me, staring at me intently as he spit out on the side of the couch. I just stared at him with visible anger… and hatred. I just held up my basket and kept on moving down the clothesline hanging things up. I glanced over at the barn to see Thomas standing behind one of the doors glancing behind it so I could only see half of his body. I just ignored him.
This is how it went on. Day after day, week after week. I didn't say much to them and no matter how much they said something to me, I didn't speak to them as if they were my family. But I did not openly show my pain or anger or hatred to them either. I wanted them to have to guess what it was I was thinking. I mostly ate in the kitchen when no one else was around. When Charlie caught me I just looked away pretending he wasn't there. We weren't talking much. He'd grumble about his days in the war and walk on. He was pouting. Thomas was a different story. Each day that I opened my room door, there was always something there. A new flesh felt mask, a toy from our childhood. Even food. It was always meat. He'd watch me every chance he saw me. When he caught me in the kitchen, he'd just stand there as shy as the first time I met him. He never knew what to say. I wanted him to go away and my eyes would say that, but it seemed being around me before all this happened, made him brave. He would just stand there and watch me eat until eventually I stormed out in anger from seeing my brother's face in his eyes.
The heat indeed transitioned into cool air, and I found myself wearing more and more pants and sweaters. My hair was growing wilder and curlier as time went on. I kept it pinned back, but it was getting dried and with that happening my irritability rose.
Charlie decided to put me to use and made me burn the belongings of travelers so there were no traces of them ever being here. Any black women that happened to be killed, I took whatever hair products they may have had on them. I stored them in the old dresser I had in my room. There was distant creaming coming from outside. It was high and loud and I knew it was of a woman. The noise traveled into the house and soon lowered as I knew this woman was being carried downstairs. I shut my eyes and covered my ears wanting to drown her out.
Was my brother screaming for help when they cut him into pieces? Was he screaming for me? I shut my eyes tighter feeling my head start to hurt. A sudden bang came from my room and I jumped at the sound. I looked at my door curiously before opening it. Thomas was standing there covered in blood. I tensed immediately looking up at him. His mask was of someone I didn't know. I was glad for that. His entire shirt was bloody all the way down to his apron and pants. I noticed the blood dripping off the butcher's knife in his hand and I stared at it for a moment before looking up at him.
For once his eyes were unreadable and I felt as if I were a soon to be victim beneath his predator gaze. His free hand raised to gently slide under my chin, his bloody fingers taking a firm hold around my cheeks. My heart began pounding as he stepped into the room, backing my body up as he came in. Our bodies turned, eyes remaining on each other, until he had me against the wall beside the door. His grip on his knife tighten and I felt my fear transition into anger as I just looked away the best I could with my eyes. If he was going to kill me I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of looking me in the face. I glance down to see his other hand raising and my chest rises and falls quickly as I started to prepare myself for what was to come. I watched the blade come up to my body and pause at my chest and stop there. It moved into the top of my shirt and I shut my eyes upon hearing fabric tear right down the middle and I jumped almost as I felt air hit my stomach. Before I could look down to see what he had done, the knife drops to the ground and he takes my face into both his large hands feeling my cheeks and neck. I whimpered feeling blood stain my face as he presses his head into mine rubbing against the top of mine. His mouth is covered by his mask but I can feel the outline of his puckered lips as he kisses all over my face. He breathes heavily against me and I feel his body pressing into mine, pinning me into the wall.
"Ah." I said in discomfort feeling his hips start to grind into mine, his crotch digging to get between my legs so his mild erection could find the warmth between my legs. I grip his shoulders trying not to lose my grip. "Stop." But my voice was weak and low from his body pressing the air out of mine. His hands moved down my body feeling and pawing at everything they could feel. In seconds he grabbed the front of my bra and just yanked it right down, my breasts bouncing from their hold. I placed my hands on the front of his chest to try and push him off, but with him being so big, I doubt he felt it. His hands cupped my breasts squeezing them gently, before pinching and lightly twisting my nipples as if trying to get me on the same level of arousal as he was.
Someone was sexually frustrated.
"Thomas stop." I panted after feeling his hand trying to yank down my pants. I was nearly exposed and his face continued to kiss all over my face before he pulled his mask down to devoured my mouth suddenly. I yelped as he actually bit my bottom lip. I hissed just a bit, but it was enough for his mouth to fully create access to me. Meanwhile his hips are grinding more against mine, his erection growing quickly. My fingers manage to curl into his hair and I finally pull back just enough to look him in the eye.
"Stop!" I said firmly as if he were a child. His eyes immediately shifted into sadness and he stepped back from me as if I had betrayed him. I slid onto the ground closing my legs quickly. He runs out the room leaving the knife on the ground. I panted heavily and just looked down at the ground for a moment trying to get back into my right mind. How could he even think of that after what he did to me? Was this one of his way of trying to make me feel better? Make me feel pleasure to fill the pain I felt now. Would he try again and be more forceful? I ran my hands through my hair clutching it and shaking my head.