34

Once I returned home I told Charlie that I was done and went inside. I could hear Luda Mae talking to someone. I knew her sister must have been here still. But I just moved upstairs in silence. My mind was in a fog as her faint words echoed in my mind. I felt… empty inside at this moment. I felt nothing. But Ant's face was all I could see. And after his face faded, I saw Luda Mae's. How would I do it? How would I end her life, starting the violent chain of reaction? Could I make it look like an accident? No Charlie was smart. He'd know immediately that I did it and tell Thomas to kill me. I couldn't poison her, there was nothing in this house that they didn't know was their concoctions. Either way when I did do it, I would have to escape right then and there. Could I get away in the cold? It was unlikely, but I didn't have much of a choice.

Thomas was on the move with his want of kids and I was sure he would be at it once more trying to impregnate me. I couldn't let that happen either. I couldn't pretend with him for now he was set on children meaning soon he or Charlie would try and lock me up in here while that happened. Then I'll truly never be free of this place or them. That night I could hear the dry wind blowing against the house. I silently ate the broth before me and Thomas just stared at his food through one of his old clothed masks. Luda Mae was retelling the conversation she had with her sister and Charlie was muttering a mechanical 'yeah' and 'mhm'.

This broth tasted different and I couldn't help but thinking maybe it was because Ant was chopped up and in this one. Why would I believe Charlie would keep his word and bury my brother? I glanced up at him for a split second and back down at my food.

"You know what Mama. I've been thinking." He finally spoke, making me pause in my slow eating and looking up at him. He looked at me with a suspicious looking stare. "You know Tati you have been our family for years as a kid and now that you're back, I'm thinking it's time we expand our little family."

I stared at him with a deep stare as Thomas slowly looked at him. Luda Mae's eyes popped as if she knew and Charlie nodded as if giving his invisible blessing.

"Yeah. I think you and Tommy here… should get married and start a family of your own! Have some kids too!" he said. Luda Mae's eyes widened more and she looked at us both with happiness clapping her hands.

"Oh wouldn't that just be nice! Would you like that Thomas! You bein' a faithful and loving husband and daddy!" she said. Thomas looked down almost bashfully before finally looking my way. Now Luda and Charlie started to look at me and now I thought I felt my eye twitch some, but honestly couldn't tell anymore. Say something. I bit my bottom lip to bring some type of feeling to my body again.

"Shouldn't that be our choice?" I croaked out and Charlie laughed.

"Well it is your choice. Tommy you love Tatianna don't ya?" he asked. Quietly Thomas nodded. "And you want her to give you lots of babies, don't you?" Was Charlie trying to push me over the edge? Because he had already done that. Maybe he wanted a reaction, a reason to kill me now. Thomas nodded once more confirming Charlie's questions. Charlie nodded as if pleased and then looked at me. "And don't you love Tommy, Tati?" I stared at him, my body shaking some as he spoke. I did love him…

"With all my heart." I replied finally looking at the masked man.

"And don't you want to marry him and have kids and be with us forever?" he asked. I stared at not even feeling the tears that fell down my cheek. I sniffled some wiping my face.

"I feel like that's something Thomas and I should talk about as two adults, not you forcing it." I finally said, a bit of bass in my voice. Charlie's jaw tightened as his smile remained on his face. "I mean we'd have to plan and figure out what family would be coming… seems like all your family would be at our wedding." Now the bitterness and hatred I felt for him flowed like water beautifully from my lips and I didn't care. Charlie and I stared at each other for a moment before Luda Mae leaned forward.

"Charlie she's right. We can't go forcing anything! Let's leave the planning up to the kids." she said. We continued our little stare down before Charlie sat back in defeat.

"Ah hell guess your right. Right now we gotta survive this weather. Need some more meat to come by soon before the rest of the meat is gone." he said lowly and coldly as if taunting me. I couldn't believe he would bring something like marriage up. He was plotting now, I could tell. Plotting to use me like he uses Thomas and for this exact thing, Thomas wouldn't mind being used. Hold it together. That's what I did. I couldn't let any of Charlie's mind games to me. He was not just some vet no he knew how to poison the mind with his words.

After dinner was over, I silently took the plates to the kitchen and I started washing them in silence. There was barely any soap left, but I didn't concern myself with actually getting the plates cleaned. I looked up at the window above the sink to see Thomas' large reflection behind me. His long dark hair seemed frozen in place over his forehead due to the grease. He was looking directly at the top of my head. Now I could feel him directly behind me, his chest to my back. I could feel him breathing against me. I did my best not to wince or show anything deemed to be negative toward him. I felt his hands start to rest on my shoulders lightly squeezing them. Immediately, I could see all the times we had been together enjoying each other's bodies. We were happy. I felt the pressure of Thomas' hands again and slowly I close my eyes, my hands curling into fists as they rested on the counter. My face was shaking now as I looked down.

"Why?" I said softly, the tears finally sliding down my cheek as my nose felt congested immediately. "Why did you destroy us?" Immediately my body is spun around and my eyes snap open as I feel his arms constrict me and pull me into a hug and I feel his head in my hair.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry." he said lowly into my hair. I could feel soft traces of hot, wet tears at my hair line. He keeps chanting this lowly. "Don't… go. Don't… leave." I was tense at his words. It was as if this was all he could say. Slowly I managed to look up at him and he just continued to hold me with a comfortable tightness as if he himself were afraid. Did he not even think about what killing my brother would do to me? Did he think I would never find out? What did he think would happen? Did he even think? No. He did what he was told because he didn't want to be rejected by his family.

"You cared more about your family then my feelings when you killed my brother." I replied softly putting my hands on his sides to pull back from him. I didn't get far because immediately he held me back to him again almost squeezing the air out of me.

"We… are family. You… me…" he said letting one hand loose around me before letting his hand slowly slide over my breast and finally resting on my stomach. The look in his eyes were unreadable, they were dark and dominant. "Nothing… will take… you from me. Never… again."

I swallowed hard at his words finally feeling as though I was in danger. And I thought I had to watch out for Charlie alone. No. Now Thomas has let it be known that he could be a threat. I already knew he was, but I felt I had more time to manipulate him. But it seemed he had his own plans in mind- both he and Charlie were blocking me in quickly finding a way to trap me inside. But I wouldn't give up. I will see this house burned to the ground before I left.

Thomas finally let me go and turned and left back into his hole in the basement. My body was still trembling and I sniffled some more running my hand over my hair in utter frustration. But maybe I didn't have to do this alone. Travelers were bound to come right? All I know is my doorway to freedom was closing. If someone didn't come… Oh Tati…