Chapter 2

It was a terrifying, disorienting feeling, staring into a future that must be real but was unthinkable, seeing one's self do something that you knew — you just knew — you would sooner end your own life and damn your own soul than ever consider.

Since the day he fell in love with Bella, Edward had put himself through plenty of horrifying thoughts about all of the ways it could go devastatingly wrong if he were ever to risk being intimate with her while she was still human. He thought about it every single time he was close to her, wishing a hundred times over that such concerns weren't necessary, that he wasn't a lethal killing machine who could destroy her with one careless touch.

But this...this was different. Even in the worst of those nightmare scenarios his fears had ever concocted, she had at least been a willing participant, his actions a tragic mistake — a momentary loss of control in the heat of passion. Not even once had he ever imagined a situation where he might actually intend to hurt her that way, much less... force her. He had no frame of reference for that type of violence when it came to Bella. None. Didn't want one.

For long moments, he could say nothing, only stare horrified into his sister's eyes, hearing the silence of her thoughts after the vision ended. Her mind was blank with shock. Distantly, he found himself appreciating that silence. It made the horror less real, somehow.

But the sound of his sister's voice shattered that illusion.

"Edward..." Alice whispered, her eyes just as wide as Bella's had been in her vision. And with that one word — his name, attached to such violent images — it was all terribly, horrifyingly real.

Alice was real. Her vision was real. This was real. He couldn't afford to ignore it, to pretend he never saw it. He couldn't afford to cavalierly trust in either his love for Bella or his own morality.

Bella couldn't afford for him to do that.

He wanted to hide, to shut down, to have at least a few minutes to stop. But he knew how his sister's visions worked. If decisions didn't change, this was going to happen. So decisions were about to change. And he wasn't going to waste time about it.

"When?" he asked quietly, his body completely still, like stone. He didn't dare move from his place, afraid of where his feet might carry him. "How soon, Alice? Could you see anything?"

"I don't know." Alice's voice was still barely a whisper. She sounded apologetic, as though this was somehow her fault. "She was definitely still human. I can try to..."

"No," he cut her off sharply, seeing her intent, her misguided offer to try looking closer, but it was already too late. The vision assaulted him again, and he squeezed his eyes shut against it, his hands coming up to his temples of their own volition, as though that would somehow stop it.

"Alice, please," he begged, his tone strangled, and the disturbing images abruptly disappeared. But not before he saw more than he'd seen the last time, when he'd been focused only on his own form and the face of the terrified girl beneath him. This time he had shied away from that image, focused on the periphery in a desperate attempt to escape — and had only hurt himself worse in the process.

They were in their meadow. Their goddamn meadow.

"Sorry!" Contrition filled Alice's features as she intentionally blanked her mind. "I didn't think. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry!"

If she apologized to him again right then, he was going to put his fist through something. With effort, he brought his hands neutrally to his sides, but his fists still clenched involuntarily.

"Get the others," he ordered softly.

Alice's eyes widened even further. It took her too long to answer. "Edward, you don't... I mean, are you sure?"

He didn't know whether to be touched or horrified at what he saw in her mind, that Alice was willing to keep this entirely between the two of them, to spare him the embarrassment of the rest of their family hearing what he was apparently capable of.

That offer might have been tempting, if it was himself he was even remotely worried about. It wasn't. Any attempt at sparing himself could only put Bella in further danger. Alice's willingness to do exactly that utterly infuriated him — even though he could also see her hastily formed moral compromise to just glue herself to Bella's side until she was changed, no matter how much her presence might annoy him.

If she honestly believed for one second that he intended to allow himself another moment in Bella's presence, then she must really believe the worst of him.

Clamping down on the fury toward Alice that even he knew was misplaced, he kept his voice controlled. "They need to know, Alice. I'm going to need their help too. I can't do it myself this time."

Alice was shaking her head, in denial. She knew the answer to her next question before she asked. He could see that too. "Our help with what?"

"Protecting Bella...when I leave."

Sitting on the couch in the living room next to Alice, telling his family he was leaving, was agonizing.

Explaining why was worse.

It was also a thing that he insisted on doing himself. He just didn't have the heart to make Alice do it, not when she looked as guilty and miserable as he felt, not when that was all his fault. He wasn't sure he could stomach listening to her try to describe it anyway.

So he did it himself: briefly, clinically, detaching himself as much as possible. Just one more step in a plan he had to carry out to protect Bella — that was the only way he could get through it, the only way he could bring himself to even think it, much less say it.

He provided only the most minimal synopsis, aside from one important point. He went into great detail about the location of his meadow, making sure and certain that Emmett and Jasper, especially, understood where it was. They were to keep Bella away from there — and from him too, should he try to return to Forks — at all costs. If she were to go missing for so much as one minute, he wanted them on their way to that meadow by the next.

He finished by asking his family for help that he wasn't entirely sure he deserved but he was going to ask for anyway: protect Bella, no matter the danger, from a distance. Stay out of her life otherwise. It was the only way she might have some chance at moving on, if the future didn't change. He was going to give her that chance if it killed him, which it well might.

He couldn't look at Esme at all. He sure as hell didn't chance a glance in Rosalie's direction, either, considering the topic. She may not be his favorite person, but if he looked at her and saw raw hatred there, he wasn't sure he could take it right then. He was doing a good enough job of hating himself. So he stayed carefully out of his family's minds, for once. He felt enough like a violator already.

The only exception he made to that was Carlisle, who sat utterly still, quiet and considering. He needed to know his father's thoughts, wanted to cement his decision to leave by exposing himself to the well-deserved disappointment he fully expected to find there. Or worse, regret — regret for having changed him in the first place, regret for ever having called him son.

He had searched his father's mind for those same emotions once before, after he rebelled, after he killed men for the same crimes Alice had now predicted he would himself commit. Except his crime would be against the sweet, trusting, beautiful girl who loved him beyond what he had ever dreamed of experiencing — the ultimate betrayal. He was no better than the monsters he had hunted, no better than Rosalie's human fiance, Royce.

But condemnation wasn't what he found in Carlisle's mind — not when he'd returned home decades before as a prodigal son, and not now.

Instead, Carlisle was mentally sifting through 300 years of knowledge, legends, histories, searching for any alternative explanation to what Alice had seen. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that one must exist.

Such loyalty made Edward uncomfortable in the extreme. First Alice and now Carlisle. How could his family be so intent on trying to protect him, when it was so clearly Bella who needed their protection?

But there was something worse than loyalty in Carlisle's thoughts. The last thing Edward needed at that moment was the threat of yet another danger to Bella, not when he knew he had to leave her. But he found one there anyway.

Carlisle's mental research had turned to possible enemies who might have a desire to harm his son. The first one he considered terrified Edward anew.

Victoria...a recent phone call received from Eleazar...a redheaded visitor to the Denali clan...questions about him, about Bella...

Edward put it together quickly from the snippets in Carlisle's mind. Victoria was coming after them. Soon.

He inhaled sharply, his body stiffening with the near irresistible compulsion to run straight to the school, where he'd left Bella with her truck when he came home early to help Alice decorate, and lock Bella up in his arms where he could keep her safe. All of his protective instincts were screaming — that he needed to find her, grab her, whisk her away to the safety of the Cullen home and keep her there until he could personally tear Victoria's head from her shoulders.

Only the sick feeling that he no longer had that right held him in his seat.

He couldn't protect her without endangering her himself. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Helplessness flooded him, quickly manifested itself as anger. His eyes were blazing when he glared at his father.

"You should have told me, Carlisle. Immediately."

"I was going to, soon. Eleazar only called this week, and we both agreed that the threat isn't imminent." Carlisle was perfectly calm. "After all that the two of you have been through, I thought you and Bella deserved the chance to celebrate her final human birthday in peace."

Edward's teeth were clenched. "I left her at school alone. Unprotected."

"Bella's in danger?" Emmett stood from his spot on the loveseat by Rosalie, his fists clenching as he read between the lines as much as he could.

"Not at the moment," Carlisle replied sternly, indicating Emmett should sit. But he directed the rest of his response at Edward, ignoring the questioning looks of the rest of the family. "She's only researching, Edward, asking questions. Eleazar had the sense she hadn't decided how to proceed, that she was attempting to ascertain if you have other enemies out there. She may be looking to form an alliance. He made it clear she would find none there, and then followed her for some distance. She was headed the opposite direction of Forks, traveling east. Victoria may well represent a threat to Bella, but not an imminent one."

Edward propped his elbows on his knees, his face dropping into his hands.

"No, I suppose she's not," he said softly. "That would be me." He felt tired, in a way he hadn't since he was human. "How can I protect her from everything else when I can't even protect her from myself?"

A wave of unwanted calm hit him then, just before Jasper voiced his opinion. "We should consider this from every angle. I know how things look right now, but what if it's really not you, despite what Alice sees? We've seen shapeshifters before. The wolves, for example."

Jasper's priorities may have been as frustratingly warped by family loyalty as Carlisle's and Alice's, but he wasn't wrong. Edward's head shot up, his gaze piercing into his brother's. His heart desperately wanted to grab hold of that theory and run with it, right straight back into Bella's arms.

A dangerous glimmer of hope was threatening to poke through. And that scared the hell out of him, because hope could all too easily turn to justification, to rationalizing a selfish decision to stay that could easily destroy the woman he loved by his own hand.

But he had to at least consider it. An external enemy would be something he could fight. An external enemy would mean he didn't have to leave Bella — it would mean he couldn't leave her.

If he rashly reacted, instead of taking action...if he made the wrong decision on this...

"Perhaps," he murmured, intentionally letting the relentless waves of calm wash over him. His brother was bringing the full force of his powers to bear, and for the moment, he was grateful. It dulled the horror enough that he could actually think, which was what Bella needed from him right then. "But the wolves don't choose their own form. It chooses them. You're talking about something that can take on the exact form of another person, at will. Is that something you've ever seen?"

Jasper's silence was answer enough, but Edward's heart was holding onto that thread of hope like a life preserver. He turned toward his father, near pleading.

"Carlisle?"

Carlisle's eyes were full of sympathy as he shook his head minutely. It was exactly the type of explanation he'd just been searching for, but he wouldn't offer false hope.

"A few old legends, nothing concrete or even credible. That doesn't mean it's not possible, of course. Abilities are as varied as the individuals who possess them, and most legends have at least some origin in reality. But what you're talking about would be an uncommonly powerful ability."

Edward's eyes closed, the hope that it might not be him visibly fading, and Carlisle hesitated before continuing.

"I didn't say it couldn't happen. There is evidence that the most powerful gifts stem from a latent talent already present during the human life. For the purposes of our theory, perhaps someone with a remarkable talent for concealing their true motives or identity, blending into situations. Special abilities can also emerge in conjunction with an unusual or traumatic circumstance during transition. Or it's possible that one powerful vampire may be more likely to create another powerful vampire.

"If all of those qualities somehow converged in one individual, then yes, I would say there are no limits. But in general, mental abilities such as yours, Edward, would seem more likely in this scenario than an ability that affects the physical structure in some way."

Esme spoke up, her voice hopeful. "Mental...like a hallucination, perhaps? An ability to cause others to see them as someone else?"

Of course Esme refused to believe the worst in him. Edward would have expected nothing different. It was part of the reason he couldn't even look at her.

Alice chimed in, but without her usual enthusiasm. She sounded miserable to be the one to undercut a theory that might convince Edward to stay. "I don't think so. Even if somebody could influence Bella's mind to see them as Edward face-to-face, that shouldn't affect my vision. I think I would see them as they actually appear at the time. And what I saw was...Edward."

Edward felt like he'd just been sucker-punched in the gut all over again as the only two theories that exonerated him died a rapid death. He could barely breathe. "So then it is me. It has to be."

"But how?" Alice insisted. "You'd never hurt Bella like that. You just wouldn't."

He couldn't imagine it either, honestly, not of his own choosing. The idea was utterly abhorrent.

And with that thought, an even more horrifying prospect occurred to him, the implications of which terrified him.

"What if it was me but I was...forced into it somehow? Coerced, mentally?"

The steady wave of calm coming at him from Jasper faltered, just for a second, but it was telling. Jasper thought he was on to something. "You're talking mind control." It was a statement, not a question.

"Not all that different from what you're doing right now, Jasper, and you know it. A similar ability, maybe, one that can inflict its will on others, force them do what it wants?"

Carlisle straightened. "Yes...I would consider that far more likely. It would certainly explain how something like this could happen. But for what purpose?" His brows knit together. "Who could possibly have a motive to make you do something like that?"

"The Volturi?" Emmett suggested, sounding near ready for a fight already. "Aro could have someone new in his collection, a new power. Rosalie's said it a hundred times and nobody listened: Edward did out us to a human. Not to mention that jet we crashed."

Edward barely heard him. The thought of watching from inside his own body, trapped, knowing what was happening as he was forced to hurt Bella — it was an all-consuming terror, mingled with a fast-building anger that spread out from the center of his chest.

He was the only one who could make sure this didn't happen. Nobody could make him hurt her if he didn't go near her. Himself included.

"I have to get out of here," he said, rising to his feet. "Right now. I can't let this happen."

"Edward, please rethink this," Alice begged moments later, following him into his room. She watched helplessly as he randomly threw a few clothes into a small suitcase, then swiftly gathered his passport, credit cards, some wads of cash he had stashed away, everything he could possibly need to get the hell out of Forks and away from Bella as rapidly as possible. "You could just go ahead and change her. You've already promised her. As a newborn, she'll be even stronger than you, at least at first."

The idea washed over him, made him feel sick. Utterly nauseated. He whirled on Alice, teeth bared. "Rush to end her life just so she can defend herself against me? Tie her to me forever if there's the smallest chance I could do something like that? Forget it."

That's not what I meant. I'm trying to help you both, he heard as clearly as if she'd spoken it, and damn it, he knew that was true.

So he turned his bitter tone on Carlisle instead, who had quietly appeared in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe without speaking, watching him throw things in his suitcase. The rest of their family still waited downstairs in the living room.

"Unless you're here to tell me I have a twin brother you changed and just forgot to mention it, I don't want to hear it."

He slammed his bag shut so hard that the couch shuddered, and he nearly ripped the zippers off when he closed them.

"Son..."

"Save it." He almost jerked the handle off the case when he grabbed it and started downstairs with Alice on his heels, pushing past Carlisle at the door to his room. By the time he reached the garage, the rest of his family trailed behind him again like some kind of macabre parade. "I know what I saw."

"With absolutely no context," Alice pointed out. "Edward, you know the future I see is subjective. It can change. You've been screaming that since the day I saw Bella becoming like us."

He was already ripping the door of his car open, but that reminder was enough to make him turn around and face her, his expression furious. He'd long since burned through any remaining patience he might have had. He was dangerously close to the edge, his own memory tormenting him with image after shameful image.

"But can it really, Alice? When James came after her, you said it yourself: the one thing that never changed was Bella ending up alone with James. No matter what I did, it happened. I kidnapped her, tied her up, and she still went right to him. Like some kind of goddamn sacrificial lamb."

On his last angry words, he slung the suitcase into his Volvo, right through the open driver's door and into the passenger's seat. It bounced off the far door with a resounding thud. He was only all too aware that his own actions when he had kidnapped Bella did very, very little to suggest Alice's vision wrong. It was practically the first thing he thought about. Guilt ate at him, taunting him, accusing him.

Alice put her hands on his shoulders, trying to delay him from getting into the car. "Fate doesn't always work like that. You know that, Edward. I still see Bella marrying you, becoming like us, despite whatever this is. Doesn't that tell you something? Some details have changed, like the timing maybe, but it's still there. Maybe some futures really are written in stone. But I refuse — I completely refuse — to believe that the one we saw today is."

"So do I." Shockingly, that came from Rosalie. Even Edward paused when she finally spoke up. During the entire discussion, Rosalie was the only one who never said a word, never tried to talk him out of his near immediate determination to get the hell out of town. He had just naturally assumed she was planning his evisceration. Now, she walked right up to him and looked him straight in the eye. "Alice is right. It isn't you."

But he scoffed in disgust. He wasn't really in the mood for arguing with Rosalie, which may have been the only thing still normal in his entire universe at the moment. He went on the attack like a cornered animal, unleashing the restraint he usually held on his tongue, baring his teeth. "So what, you read minds now? How the fuck could you possibly know that?"

But Rosalie saw through him, rolled her eyes, didn't give him an inch. "You think you scare me? Save it for somebody who doesn't know you so well, Edward. I was saying I know that you wouldn't do that. There has to be another explanation."

He actually hesitated. Maybe the universe was completely out of whack. Rosalie believed in him, despite his best effort to intimidate her and validate any horrific conclusions she'd drawn. And by some miracle, it was Rosalie who was dangerously close to damaging his resolve. And of course, there was the fact that he wanted that alternative explanation she spoke of. Desperately.

But it wasn't enough.

He turned his intense gaze back to his other sister. "You will watch my decisions, Alice. If you see me coming back here, then you and Jasper take her somewhere I can't find you, no matter what I tell you about my motives. Promise me."

Alice hesitated but she promised, which was what he wanted. Even so, the idea of not being able to find Bella flooded him with terror. He pushed it down ruthlessly, reminding himself of the source of every single danger Bella had faced since the day he met her. There was one common denominator: him. He had no right. He turned to get in his car.

"Edward, wait, please." He could still barely face Esme, definitely couldn't look her in the eye, given the topic. But he at least stood still and didn't climb into the driver's seat. She pushed past Alice and Rosalie to stand directly in front of him, her fingers wrapping gently around his forearms when he wouldn't let her take his hands. He flinched at her touch and averted his face, his chin turning toward his shoulder, and stared at the floor as his mother pled with him.

"If you won't listen to us, then think about that poor girl. Carlisle said she's every bit as bonded to you as you are to her. If you leave without explanation — on her birthday, no less — what's going to happen to her?"

His voice was hard. He still wouldn't look at her. "I'm more worried about what's going to happen to her if I stay. Alice can tell her anything she wants. I'm not risking going near her, not even to say goodbye. Maybe I couldn't change her future with James, but this one I can. I can't hurt her if I'm on the other side of the world."

"You can't protect her, either. And don't you think breaking her heart is going to hurt her? She loves you."

Keeping his resolve was getting harder by the second. Damn it, he needed to get out of there. He made his voice cold. "She's human. She shouldn't even have a bond. It will fade for her, with time. She'll forget I ever existed."

"You can't really believe that," Esme implored. "You don't have to do this. Let us help you. I don't believe you'd hurt her, but if it makes you feel better, take one of us with you when you're going to be alone with her until you change her. Maybe Emmett. You know he adores her, and she him. She's like a little sister to him. He'd never let any harm come to her."

Esme didn't realize it, but it was her words that truly sealed his decision.

She recoiled at the ferocious look on Edward's face when he finally made eye contact. His tone was as dark as his words. "And if I really decided to hurt her, do you think I couldn't get past Emmett? I can read your minds. I can get around any or all of you. I've done it before. No. The only way for me to protect her, the only way to make completely sure that Alice's vision never sees the light of day, is for me to be as far away from her as I can get. Far enough for Alice to have time to hide her if I change my mind and decide to come back."

Then he hissed angrily, his head swinging around toward Alice abruptly. He winced sharply. "God...would you please stop looking at it until I can get out of range? We both know it hasn't changed."

"Exactly, Edward!" Alice pointed out, her voice high-pitched with her excitement. "You've decided to leave, and it hasn't changed. You're making a huge mistake."

Esme turned to Carlisle, her tone desperate. "Alice is right. You can't let him do this. Carlisle..."

Carlisle stood staunchly, his hands in his pockets. His eyes were impossibly sad. "I've given Edward my word that I will not interfere with him and Bella again. If this is what he's decided, I'm not going to stand in his way this time."

He stepped forward and put one hand on his son's shoulder. "I have faith in you that you can safely stay, but I'm not going to stop you. Be safe, son. Please check in when you can."

Edward gave a curt nod. "We still don't know what Victoria's planning or when she might come after me. Promise me you'll protect Bella, all of you. Don't interfere with her life in any other way, but please promise me you won't let anything..." His words trailed off, his jaw clenching with emotion.

Emmett and Jasper stepped up to join the rest of their family around Edward, clasping his shoulders tightly.

"You already know Alice and I will look after her," Jasper told him earnestly, his words infused with calm. "And when Alice's vision changes, and it will, you'll come back home and protect her yourself."

"Nothing is getting past me, little brother," Emmett agreed, and his teeth were bared. "Rosalie's right. I don't know what Alice saw, but it's not you. If something else is coming for Bella, it'll have to get through me first."

TO BE CONTINUED...