Chapter 9
Edward was spared the decision of whether he should or shouldn't follow Jacob and Bella into his room by the arrival of Alice, who softly called his name as she came in the front door.
He was still more than a little livid about the trick she had pulled earlier, manipulating the situation to force him on Bella after she ran from him — even if things had ended up working out far better than he had dared hope. He was fully prepared to express his feelings on that, at length. So he started down the stairs to the living room.
And then he saw the big piece of furniture his sister was carrying in on her shoulder as though it weighed nothing, and he got sidetracked.
"What is that?" he found himself asking instead. If Alice had seriously skipped out on helping Bella to go shopping, he was probably going to lose his cool completely.
But Alice scoffed at him as she dashed past and temporarily set the unwieldy object down in the living room.
"It's a futon. Obviously."
He wasn't really in the mood for Alice to be obtuse.
"I can see that." He lifted an eyebrow in question, because Alice had become disturbingly good lately at blocking him from her mind.
"Your mate is sleeping on your couch," she explained, "and her pet mutt is camped out on the floor next to it. That's not going to work."
It wasn't like he wasn't already painfully aware of that fact. Both of those facts. He'd intended to take care of it the next day, and not with a futon.
"I can buy her a real bed," he protested. "I'll have something delivered in the morning. Something nice."
Alice made a face, likely at the overly extravagant, fancy four-poster bed she no doubt saw him deciding at that very moment to buy.
"You do that, and she's going to freak out, whether it's because of the money you spent or just the imagery of it. I mean, let's face it, big fancy bed. From you. In your room. Not a good idea right now. Besides, I may have bought this for Bella, but it's really more for Jacob. This way, he can take the couch."
"Jacob's fine on the floor," Edward growled, at least partly because he knew Alice had a point about the bed. But not about this. He was willing to go along with Jacob's presence, if somewhat grudgingly, for Bella's sake. But he didn't have to go out of his way to make the dog's stay any more comfortable, either.
Alice sighed. "If we leave him on the floor, I'm pretty sure he's just going to use that to guilt her into going back to La Push with him."
She said that fast. Really fast, even for Alice. He still caught it.
"Pretty sure? So, what, you're just guessing these days?" It came out nastier than he intended, but he was really at his limits with the entire situation.
Alice hedged. "Okay. You know how I can't see what's going on with her when she's around the wolves?"
No. No, she had not yet mentioned that. And it was terrifying. "Alice..."
"Sorry. I thought I told you. As it turns out, I'm blind to her future as long as he's near her. But I do know Bella, and I'm figuring Jacob out. This is the best way. You know how she is about gifts anyway. And when you do buy her a big fancy bed one day, don't you want it to have only good memories attached?"
Yes. Decidedly yes. But that seemed impossible, at this point, and he wasn't going anywhere near those types of thoughts. Not even to acknowledge exactly how direct of a hit Alice had just scored.
"And Jacob?"
Alice looked annoyed. "Jacob's determined to get her to La Push with him, any way he has to do it. I'm sure you've already picked up on that. And Bella doesn't want to be a burden on anyone, including him. We leave him on the floor, we give him a valid argument for taking her to his house so he can be comfortable. Don't believe for a moment that he's above manipulating her."
Edward's eyes flashed angrily. "I read his thoughts earlier. He's not taking her anywhere without me. He can try. I'll kill him first."
Alice looked confused by his vehemence. "I never really thought he would intentionally hurt her. Exactly what did you see?"
He didn't really want to relive it.
"His ideas for 'comforting' her in his room. If Bella hadn't been sitting there, I'd have likely broken him in half."
His sister looked as disgusted as he felt. "Idiot."
They were in agreement on that point. As was Carlisle, who couldn't help overhearing from his study. Jacob's constant hostility was even beginning to wear on Carlisle's patience.
Edward's eyes fell on the futon again. They were all in agreement on that too. Alice had won this argument. Impressively won it. Him buying something nice for Bella would have to wait.
He sighed. "Let's get this over with. Here, I'll take it up."
But Alice was quicker. She had it hoisted up onto her shoulder in a flash. "Absolutely not. And you stay here. This will be better coming from me."
He didn't like it, but he did it. He stayed put and sat on the couch in the living room after Alice carried the futon out, keeping one ear on what transpired upstairs, but also never dropping his guard for anything approaching the house.
As it turned out, Alice was pretty good at predicting the future, even when she couldn't cheat.
Bella turned the new furniture down immediately, opting to stay on Edward's couch and let Jacob have the futon.
And Jacob had indeed intended to use his spot on the floor as part of his plans to convince Bella to go home with him. But he wasn't as disappointed as Edward might have expected. Apparently, his bed at home was tiny and uncomfortable, far too short for his rapidly expanding height, and had never been soft in the first place. He looked at that brand-new futon with no small amount of longing. If it was anyone other than Jacob, it might actually have been somewhat endearing.
Edward waited until Alice mentally told him all was well and asked if he wanted to come up, and then he dashed up the stairs with more enthusiasm than he'd felt since returning.
After their conversation earlier, the fact that she had both literally and figuratively opened a door to him, he was not missing his chance to tell Bella goodnight — even if from a distance — and assure her that he'd be watching over the house while she slept.
She must have been even more exhausted from her emotional outburst than he'd realized. He was too late.
He entered the room silently, stopping to lean against the doorframe, content just to look at her, to see her so peaceful. But her eyes opened up and locked right on him, like she had again sensed his presence.
His guts twisted. He wanted to fall on his knees in front of her and beg her to let him stay.
He smiled softly, instead.
"It's just me, Bella. You can go back to sleep. I'll be on guard."
The sight of her sleepily snuggled under a blanket on his couch, blinking at him without fear, sent a surge of affection through him. And when she opened her mouth to reply and yawned instead, he actually chuckled.
God, he loved her so very, very much.
Her eyes closed as she yawned, and they didn't open back up.
He knew he was the last thing she had seen before she went to sleep. And she didn't flinch away from him even once.
He'd take it.
As soon as he was able to tear his eyes off of her and himself away from the doorframe — which Jacob's foul dog odor made at least somewhat easier — he went straight outside for some fresh air, eyes scanning the perimeter. He should be able to hear the mind of anyone approaching, but the seemingly impossible had already happened once in a vampire that could create an exact duplicate of him. He was leaving nothing to chance.
Alice headed out shortly after, letting him see her intentions. Supply run. She was going to Bella's to pack her some clothes and necessities, since her room was completely undamaged from the fire, thank God.
And then she would be shopping to stock the Cullen kitchen with food for humans...and for mutts, too, apparently. He balked at that idea, but if Jacob was going to be there, he supposed feeding him was a necessary evil. As Alice had pointed out, Jacob's perceived comfort in Bella's eyes was among their best allies at keeping her there, at his house, within his reach.
He may have been feeling particularly petty about his rival, but he did manage to keep his voice soft when he snidely called out after Alice to pick up a dog bowl and a bag of Alpo. At least, he refrained from saying it loud enough for Jacob to hear. Carlisle heard it, of course. He was equal parts amused and disapproving.
And then Alice was gone, and Edward was alone outside.
His promise about watching over the house had been a very literal one. He made his way up and crouched down low on the roof, squatting down to sit on his heels with his elbows resting on his knees, perfectly still.
He could see in every direction, and if any strange minds came into his range, he was attuned enough he would hear it.
It wouldn't be wise to try.
Nothing was getting near his Bella. Nothing.
The sedative she had requested from Carlisle — the one she had used the previous year after her ordeal with James — still did its job helping her go to sleep. It just didn't keep her asleep anymore, as Bella had learned when Edward arrived back from hunting and she had apparently woken at the same time, feeling compelled to go looking for him.
So she may have been exhausted after their emotional discussion, but she was also wide awake by the time Jacob found her and carried her back to Edward's room, setting her down on the couch.
Edward didn't follow them in. Her disappointment about that was real — but so was her relief.
It was a lot easier to hide what she was about to do from Jacob than it would have been to hide it from Edward.
She knew she probably shouldn't, but she pulled the little bottle out from between the couch cushions and took another pill when Jacob's back was turned. There was very little chance she was ever going back to sleep if she didn't. And as wide awake as she already was, how could it possibly hurt her?
Truthfully, that wasn't her only reasoning. She knew exactly what she was doing. It was the same reason she had initially fought Carlisle's suggestion to bring her to the Cullen home from the hospital, especially when he gently told her that Edward knew she had been abducted and was already on a plane home.
That reason was nightmares.
She had been having them — horrible ones — ever since Edward left her seven months before. After what had happened to her earlier that day, combined with her still potent fears that Edward might disappear again, she didn't hold out much hope for improvement on those nightmares. They were likely going to go into overdrive.
So being at the Cullen house, under Edward's watchful eye, was problematic at best.
His whispered words in the bathroom rang in her mind, tearing at her heart every time she thought of it: Please don't be afraid of me...please.
His sincerity had made her want to cry. She didn't want to act afraid of him. She wasn't, really. Her conscious brain knew who had hurt her and who hadn't.
Her subconscious, on the other hand, hadn't quite sorted everything out, nor did it seem likely to in the near future. She wanted to keep that hidden from him as much as possible. If his face made one thing clear every time he looked at her, it was that he blamed himself, even if she didn't.
And she already knew that was enough to make him leave. He'd done it once already; had suggested it even in the past, that she'd be better off without him.
So when she went to sleep, she needed it to be a deep sleep. She knew, from the thin, pinched look her father had worn for months after Edward left, just how disturbing her nighttime screams were.
Edward didn't need to hear that. What if it made him decide to leave for her own good again, permanently this time? She might not be ready to be close to him yet, but she didn't want him to disappear again, either. She just needed some time. Time to sort everything out on her own, re-center herself, figure out where her head was at — preferably, time alone, without an audience, until she knew how she would react.
But it was pretty clear that no one — not Jacob, not the Cullen family, and most especially not Edward — had any intention of allowing that to happen.
Plan B was the sedatives. Those same pills had helped before, after James, holding the nightmares at bay for the entire week she took them.
So when she first made it back to Edward's room after her emotional breakdown in the bathroom, she gave in to the urge to pop another one. It didn't take long for the extra pill to start working its magic, combined with what was already in her system. By the time Alice appeared with a futon and was done setting it up for Jacob — at Bella's insistence that he be the one to take it — she was yawning.
She was nearly completely out when her eyes suddenly opened of their own accord, drawn with a magnetic force toward the doorway.
Even half awake, her heart skipped a beat when she saw him leaning against the doorframe, softly smiling at her. He was just as beautiful as he had always been. The thought surprised her. She hadn't been certain that she was still capable of...that type of feeling. It was different — she didn't exactly want to jump him or anything. Maybe just hug him, feel his arms tight around her.
Safe. The word she associated to that thought surprised her almost as much as the butterflies brought on by his handsome face.
It was the smile, she realized, with a jolt. The kindness in his eyes. The way he looked at her like she was literally everything, like he would do literally anything to protect her. That was how she could tell the difference, how she could know this one was her Edward.
How had she ever mistaken the other one for him? How had she ever not seen it?
She wanted to share her epiphany but couldn't, her eyes closing as she was sucked under into a deep — and what she hoped would be dreamless — sleep.
It wasn't.
She woke up with a start and a whimper several hours later, dripping with sweat, her heart racing.
She didn't feel right, physically.
Running. She had been running in her dream, so fast and so far that her chest burned like fire, her breath coming in gasps. That had carried over into wakefulness, apparently.
No, not just running. Chasing. She had been chasing Edward, desperate to catch him, because he would keep her safe if she could just get to him. But he eluded her, running from her, staying just out of her grasp.
But she wasn't the only one doing the chasing. There was something chasing her, too.
Edward.
There were two of him, she realized as she processed the dream: one good, one evil. One in front of her that she couldn't catch, one behind her, getting closer the harder she ran away from him.
Her mind raced. Had she been screaming? Had she said anything? Had anyone heard her?
Had Edward heard her?
Jacob hadn't, apparently. He was snoring hard, sprawled across the futon he had obviously dragged closer to the couch where she slept. Too close. She kind of wished she was strong enough to shove it back into the corner where Alice had put it, with him on it. Jacob was just so big, and he was getting to be entirely too hands-on since the moment Edward showed back up, like he was trying to hold on for all he was worth.
A tinge of guilt colored her thoughts on that topic. She had clung to Jake, at first, when Carlisle brought her back to the Cullen house. She had just been through hell. She didn't know where things stood with any of the Cullens yet, nor what it was going to be like when Edward arrived. And Jake had been her lifeline for months.
But now? She felt a little smothered by his very presence, honestly. Especially knowing how much of her he had seen when he found her, and when he did things like barging into the bathroom and just picking her up like he owned her. But how could she ask him to leave, after all he had done for her? She likely owed him her life. He was the one who had found her, who had stopped...Edward. The Edward lookalike.
A shudder raced through her, an aftershock from the nightmare. She needed a different name for her attacker.
More importantly, if she didn't get her breathing under control, someone was going to decide to come in and check on her. She didn't want to talk to Alice or Carlisle about her nightmares, and Jacob would only be obnoxious about Edward. She kind of did want to talk to Edward, actually, after how sweet he'd been with her in the bathroom, but she could hardly tell him the truth about her dreams. It would crush him.
Her fingers, of their own volition, dipped back down into the couch cushions where she was keeping the little bottle Carlisle had given her, close at hand.
She hesitated. She'd already taken one extra, earlier. But it was a small miracle she actually hadn't awakened screaming, and that seemed riskier than a possible overdose. She couldn't currently deal with a guilt-stricken Edward deciding she'd be better off without him.
Just one more, and this was the last time. She wouldn't do it again. If it wasn't keeping her asleep, the dose was probably too small anyway. She'd talk to Carlisle tomorrow, get him to adjust it without admitting the real reason why.
She just needed to get through the first night, she rationalized. So she took the little bottle with her when she got up to go to the bathroom, biting her lip hard to keep from crying out at how badly it burned every time she peed. No one needed to know that, either.
When she was finished washing her hands, she left the water running as she took out another pill as quietly as possible. Scooping up some water in her hands, she swallowed it down.
Her own reflection in the mirror caught her eye, and it sent a jolt through her.
The face staring back at her in the mirror wasn't one she recognized. She looked like...some kind of disaster victim.
Bruised cheekbone. Split lip. Dark circles under her eyes, from her sleepless night with Edward's impostor in a cabin that belonged to a dead woman.
Lacey Matthews.
Had the body been found yet? She didn't want to know. At the same time, she needed to know.
She would ask Edward the next chance she got to speak with him privately. That thought — a possible topic of conversation with him about anything other than what had directly happened to her — was somehow a comforting one.
The peaceful few hours Edward experienced on the roof nearly lulled him into a complacent belief that the night would pass without incident. He should have known better.
He hadn't been nearly as focused on what was going on inside the house as he had the surrounding areas, since he knew Jacob and Bella were both asleep and Carlisle was quietly studying in his office. He wanted his full attention on his surroundings.
He heard a small cry from Bella at one point, like she had awakened suddenly. Her heart rate was off, speeding up and slowing down, and her respiration followed suit. His body tensed, listening. Was she sick? Had she already suffered a nightmare?
He could tell she was awake for a few minutes afterward, that she got up to go the bathroom. But just before he had to decide whether or not to risk going inside to check on her, possibly frightening her when she ran across him in the dark, he heard her settle back down and drift off. His body relaxed.
Jacob snored the entire time. Edward didn't let it distract him from his survey of the woods around the house.
But a few hours later, somewhere near morning, panicked thoughts from inside broke through his focus.
Jacob. Edward heard his panic mentally, even before the frightening words that came out of the dog's mouth.
"Hey! Hey! I need some help up here!"
He was already on his way.
Edward entered his room in a blur and then stopped just inside, his teeth automatically baring at the sight of Jacob bent over an unconscious Bella on the couch, shaking her.
Carlisle flew in the door right behind Edward, putting a cautioning hand on his shoulder as he, too, took in what was happening, but he didn't otherwise interfere.
"I can't wake her up!" Jacob sounded every bit a panicked kid. He continued shaking Bella with more force than necessary, setting Edward's teeth on edge. "Her breathing didn't sound right, so I tried to roll her over on her back. I can't wake her up!"
"Take your hands off of her and move." Edward roughly shouldered Jacob out of the way and knelt by Bella, listening to her far-too-slow heart rate, the sluggish rhythm of her breathing. He gently pulled each eyelid back in turn, checking her pupils.
She was completely soaked with sweat and nonresponsive, and his guts clenched.
"Did you see her take anything?" he threw over his shoulder at Jacob, his tone clipped. Carlisle stayed where he was, frowning as he listened to Bella's vital signs.
It was testament to just how frightened Jacob was that he had stepped aside without argument, insults forgotten for the moment. "Only what the doc gave her — that stuff to help her sleep."
"How many? When?"
"I — I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. Is she going to be okay?"
Edward ignored him, his eyes already scanning the room. She must have taken more pills when she woke up during the night. Bella didn't have a bag or any belongings with her, not even a change of clothes. There was nothing on top of any of the tables or chest of drawers. Where was the damn bottle?
He swept his hand under the couch, didn't find it. Reaching over her, he dug his fingers around behind the couch cushions, skimming sideways until his fingers finally closed around what he was looking for. It rattled slightly in his hand, at least dispelling his terror of finding it empty.
"Carlisle," he ordered grimly, flipping the bottle over his shoulder to his father, whom he already knew understood and anticipated the question. Carlisle opened it and poured the contents out into his hand, quickly counting.
"There's only two more missing than should be, assuming the maximum dose," Carlisle quickly announced, and Edward's head slumped low with relief, his forehead brushing against Bella's unconscious shoulder.
For just a second there, he'd feared she had tried to kill herself.
She wouldn't have done so alone. He'd have found a way to die before sunup if he had managed to destroy her so completely.
Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder. "She's having some type of reaction. If we can wake her up and her vitals stabilize on their own, we may be able to just monitor her here. If not, Edward, she may need further intervention at the hospital. It's risky to take her to a public place, but I don't have the necessary supplies to care for her here."
"She's safer here," Edward agreed grimly. "Smelling salts?"
"In my bag I left at the office. I was more focused on getting Bella here safely."
Edward had Bella's limp body scooped up into his arms by the end of Carlisle's last sentence, one arm around her back and the other under her knees. He gently maneuvered her so that her head rested against his shoulder before he smoothly rose to his feet and started for the door of his room.
"Hey! Where the hell do you think you're taking her?" Jacob protested, right on his heels.
"Shower," Edward bit out. "Don't worry — you're coming with us."
Jacob was both surprised and confused by that statement, but he followed without asking and Edward didn't bother explaining. It was going to become pretty obvious anyway, about two seconds after Bella woke up, if she reacted the way he was afraid she would at finding herself in his arms. As much as he might hate it, Jacob's presence was likely the only option he had to take the edge off her inevitable terror.
When he reached the outside of the shower, he turned Bella with her back to his chest. He leaned back and held her closely against him with one arm around her waist, allowing her legs to hang down and her bottom to rest on his thigh as he adjusted the water temp. Her head lolled on his shoulder.
"Not too cold, Edward," Carlisle said, appearing beside him. "You don't want to send her into shock."
"I know." His voice was preternaturally calm, belying the fear that raced through his system. "Call Alice and get her back here. Now."
He lifted Bella and stepped into the lukewarm stream of water with both of them fully dressed, turning his back to shield her from the spray at first, until he got himself positioned correctly. He had one arm still locked around her waist, supporting her weight and keeping her leaned back against him.
"Come on, Bella. Wake up for me, sweetheart." He made sure the spray stayed out of her face, but he put his own hand in to wet it, before gently patting at her face, cooling her feverishly sweaty cheeks and forehead. The warm water hit at about her chest level, cascading down the both of them. "I need you to wake up, Bella."
She groaned then, just the tiniest sound, her body automatically trying to retreat from the water, pushing back against his chest. His head dipped, his nose brushing the top of her hair as relief sliced through him like a knife. She was coming around. He wrapped his other arm around her briefly, holding her just the tiniest bit tighter, relishing the feel of finally having her safe in his arms. It was the first time since he'd been home. He was terrified it might also be the last.
"That's it. Open your eyes, love," he murmured into her hair, loathe to stop talking, lest she wake up and get the wrong idea. He reached out and lowered the water temperature just the tiniest bit, using his hand again to brush some cooler water across her cheeks, trying to bring her around slowly. "You're safe, Bella. I've got you. I won't let anything hurt you. Not ever again."
He gave in to the longing, kissed the top of her head and turned his face, resting his cheek on top of her soft hair, his eyes drifting shut.
He loves her.
The thought wasn't his own. It came from Jacob, that single, powerful statement of realization that rang out so clearly he couldn't have missed it. The boy wasn't trying to be confrontational, for once. He had just assumed Edward's kind weren't capable of such a thing.
Edward opened his eyes and looked him straight in the eye.
"Yes. I do."
Jacob blinked. He'd momentarily forgotten that Edward could hear him. He recovered quickly. "But so do I."
Edward shook his head, a half chuckle escaping him. Relief had him feeling half giddy. Bella was waking up on her own, breathing better, and her heartrate was coming up. He could afford to be gracious and indulge in this surreal conversation. "I'm aware. I'd be the last to judge you for that."
Bella groaned again, starting to weakly fight against both the water and him, regaining his undivided attention. He pulled her back up into his arms and stepped out of the shower with her, then sank down to the floor. He turned her to lean back against him, gently shushing her. She sat between his legs, but he still had to keep an arm around her to hold her up.
"Easy, Bella, it's all right. Just open your eyes. Jacob, turn the water off and come sit in front of her, please. This might go better if she can see you when she opens her eyes."
And realizes whose hands are on her, he thought grimly.
He had surprised Jacob again, apparently, with that request. The thought crossed Jacob's mind that he wasn't sure he could be unselfish enough to ask him to do the same, were their positions reversed, even for Bella's sake.
But Jacob got down in front of them as requested, and his tone was gentle when Bella started coming around.
"Hey, Bells. I'm here. You're gonna be fine." He glanced over her head at Edward and then Carlisle, concerned. "She's, like, really out of it."
Edward kept his voice low. "It's okay. Just keep talking to her. Alice is nearly here, and she'll get her dried off and changed. You're doing fine."
Again, he could see that Jacob was surprised by him.
Bella was having trouble keeping her eyes open, but she did stop weakly fighting Edward's arms when she saw Jacob.
"Jake?" Her voice was raspy, weak.
"Yeah, Bell. Just breathe. You're fine."
Her eyes nearly closed again, but then they popped back open.
"Where's Edward?" She sounded panicked, trying to look around, fighting the arms that held her up. She still wasn't fully coherent.
"Um..." Jacob's eyes widened, again looking over her head at Edward, whose eyes were just as wide, his body going completely still as his hold on her went slack. Jacob quickly realized he wasn't going to find help there. And Bella was going back to sleep on them again.
"I'm sure he's close by?" Jacob made it sound like a question and then abruptly changed the topic, reaching out to shake her arm. "Hey! Bella, what the hell were you thinking taking so many pills? You could have killed yourself." His sharp tone popped her eyes back open. "Were you trying to kill yourself?"
"Jacob, don't," Edward warned softly but firmly, his hold on her tightening slightly, protectively. Bella wasn't up to an interrogation at the moment. "Not right now."
But it was too late. Bella was growing agitated, her head thrashing back and forth against Edward's chest as she fought to wake the rest of the way up.
"No," she slurred. "I had to. He's here. Can't let him hear. Jake..."
Jacob's and Edward's eyes met over her head.
"Who, Bella?" Jacob asked, turning his full attention back to the girl between them. "Who can't be here?"
Bella only grew more agitated.
"No. Not here. Edward." Her eyes were drifting shut again, but fluttered back open briefly. She lifted a hand toward Jacob, but weakly dropped it almost immediately. "Help me. Can't let him...hear..."
And she was back out, blissfully unaware.
Edward would get no such reprieve. In his tortured guilt, he heard exactly what he'd been afraid of hearing since the moment his plane landed.
Can't let him here.
She didn't want him there. Didn't want him, period. Her subconscious, he interpreted, was far more honest about what she really wanted than she would ever be to his face, in some selfless attempt to spare his feelings.
Now, he believed, he knew the truth: she was so afraid of his presence that she had nearly OD'd on sleeping pills, just to find a temporary escape from him.
Jacob's less snide than usual thoughts, coupled with Carlisle's overtly sympathetic ones, indicated they had both come to similar conclusions about what she meant, even if ones not quite so condemning.
It was pretty bad when Jacob Black even felt sorry for him.
Very, very slowly, Edward flexed his hands to lift his fingers away from Bella's body, his arms still supporting her weight against him but trying to do so without putting his hands on her again.
"Carlisle, why don't you take her?" he murmured grimly, trying to keep his tone low. The calm in his voice belied the roiling surge of devastation crashing through him.
His father hesitated, maddeningly.
"Edward...she was both barely conscious and under the influence. The subconscious is a tricky thing. You know that."
"He's right," said Alice, stepping into the room. She had a backpack of Bella's over one arm and carried a fluffy towel in the other, both of which she set down on the bathroom counter before kneeling by her brother. She briefly put her arm around him and lay her head on his shoulder in support. "Here. Why don't you give her to me? She's soaking wet, poor thing. I'll get her dried off and into something warm, and then I'll get her back to bed to sleep it off when Carlisle says it's okay. And then, Edward...we need to talk."
He numbly let Alice pull an unresisting Bella out of his arms and into hers, careful not to jostle her too much.
He might have actually listened to his father and his sister, rather than automatically assuming the mantle of guilt squarely back onto his own shoulders, if not for what happened at that very same moment.
It had been inevitable that Alice's control would slip, at some point. He had been counting on it.
It just couldn't have come at a worse time.
Alice softly told Jacob there were fresh groceries in the kitchen, suggested he make himself something to eat while she changed Bella's clothes.
Jacob left the bathroom without a word, but he didn't go to the kitchen. Seeing his chance for fresh air, he took the stairs two at a time to burst out the door and phase at the edge of the woods, needing to run off some frustration.
The very moment he was far enough away, Alice's glassy eyes met Edward's and froze as the recurring vision hit her yet again — the vision that Edward knew instantly was the thing she had been concealing from him since he arrived at the airport, the thing his family had feared would send him off the deep end.
And they were right.
The terrifying vision wasn't an unfamiliar one. He had seen it before — seven long months before.
Its familiarity did nothing to lessen its impact.
An exact duplicate of him. Forcing Bella in their meadow.
He had assumed that future was now relegated to the past, mercifully interrupted when his brothers and Jacob rescued Bella. But Bella was in as much danger as she had been before he left, before she was already attacked and God only knew how much damage already done.
For one horrifying moment, his venom pooled in his throat.
Not again wasn't just a thought. It was a demand that coursed through his body like a living thing. This would not happen again.
Terror shot through him, manifesting itself in a near compulsion to sink his teeth into her neck and fill her full of his venom, change her into a vampire with or without her consent, so that at least nothing could ever hurt her again so easily. If she wanted to tear him apart herself afterwards, he wouldn't resist.
But his subconscious intervened, providing him with memory after memory of the sheer horror Rosalie had gone through when she first woke up, never having dealt with her trauma as a human before having her control stripped from her yet again — waking up as an unchanging vampire for whom healing was all the more difficult. And he rapidly brought himself under control, forced himself to stand down.
He had already suspected that his enemies intended to try taking Bella again. That much he'd put together at the airport. It was why he'd spent the night on the roof, coiled and ready to fight to the death.
What he hadn't considered for a moment was that Victoria or anybody else would actually get a chance in hell to pull it off, not with him and his family — and even Jacob Black — there to protect her. He had almost looked forward to them coming close enough for him to get his hands on them. Bella wouldn't be in danger with him there.
But Alice's vision said otherwise.
He had just begun, a few short hours earlier, to feel a ray of hope that Bella could eventually forgive him, both for leaving in the first place and for what had happened to her as a result.
But after what he believed to be her revelation about why she had swallowed a near overdose of pills, combined with Alice's vision, hope fled. What would be the purpose in working to regain her trust in him and her love, if it was only to be shattered again; if there was the very real possibility that she was still going to be attacked by a monster in his own body?
It would be almost cruel. No. He couldn't do that to her. Better for her that she go on hating the sight of him.
What he would do was throw himself into finding a way to change the future. Any way.
And there was one he had seriously considered at his lowest point in Brazil — one that he now needed to give further consideration.
So long as Bella wanted his presence, he'd sworn to the depth of his being that he'd never leave her side again. But if she didn't — if she was so desperate to escape him that she'd nearly overdosed — there was one way he could stop the threat against her.
Bella had never been Victoria's target in the first place — not really. He was. If he ceased to exist, so would the motivation to hurt Bella.
He tried that decision on for size, watching Alice's thoughts closely. She was both agonized and stunned when the vision hit her.
It worked. It was the first thought in seven terrifying months that had worked. The vision she had checked every day was finally gone. She no longer saw Bella being attacked by the spitting image of Edward.
She did see Bella talking to thin air, before throwing herself off a cliff.
It wasn't like his family couldn't put a stop to that, at least. He would make certain of it, before the Volturi granted him his end.
He rose stiffly to his feet and walked out of the bathroom, vaguely aware of Carlisle following behind, to give Alice and Bella privacy.
"Edward!"
Expressionless, he turned to see Alice, with Bella in her arms, staring after him with a horrified concern that would be better spent on Bella.
"Yes?"
"Don't even think about it! You know exactly what I mean. Promise me you'll wait for me. Please. There's more you need to know."
He nodded once before he walked out the door to resume his place on the roof while he waited for Alice. It was the least he could do.
It was an hour before he sensed Alice approaching, nervously reciting a passage from the Bhagavad Gita in her head. She dropped lightly onto the surface of the roof beside him.
"Carlisle's with her," she offered. "She's fine now. She's resting comfortably."
"I know," he replied flatly, not looking at her. He also knew she had been coherent for a good twenty minutes and hadn't asked for him or even mentioned him once, although her eyes always roved the room looking for him. He had almost let himself believe, earlier, that it was because she wanted him there. He cursed himself a fool.
Making her feel safe was his top priority. He would not set foot in that house again, not so long as Bella was inside, and he wished there was a way to assure her of it without making her feel guilty.
"You wanted to tell me something," he prompted Alice tonelessly, not really sounding as though he cared one way or the other. "Something else you probably should have told me from the beginning."
Alice shrugged a shoulder, not denying the mild accusation. "Well, I did. Now I'm not so sure. You've come up with enough stupid plans for one night."
He unknowingly imitated Alice's shrug. And he wasn't denying anything either. They both knew his suicidal plan would work, and that was all that mattered.
"I just want what's best for Bella," he said quietly, sincerely. "What will make her safe. Whatever that may be."
Alice glared at him. "And if you go to the Volturi, I'm dragging her with me to Volterra to stop you. So think about that."
Edward turned on her, hissing angrily at the thought of Bella anywhere near that hellhole, in the presence of those soulless monsters. "I'd kill you myself."
Alice just smiled sweetly at him. "You could try. But that would be a very long and pointless battle, and who would be protecting Bella in the meantime?"
He sighed and gave up, at least for the moment, knowing she was right. Any contest of any kind between the two of them always ended in a draw. If he had to go that route, it would require some subtlety to get around Alice.
"Then give me another option," he hedged. "What else am I supposed to do, Alice? We both already know that it would work. And I can't sit back and let this happen to her...not again."
Alice's response seemed mystifying. "Even if that's true, it doesn't have to be now. We have a timeframe now. We know we have at least six months left before it happens, probably more. That gives us time, Edward. We'll think of another way. We will."
She apparently assumed he knew what she meant, so she wasn't thinking of it. His reply was impatient, frustrated that he had to resort to the verbal.
"Six months? Why? How do you know that?" he demanded.
"You didn't see it?" she asked in surprise, but made a conscious effort to keep the visual out of her head, to keep from subjecting him to it again. "The vision is different now. It was the same every day for seven months, even after he took her, but he never took her anywhere near the meadow. But then it changed just as soon as you boarded a plane home. That means you've already changed it once, Edward. We can do it again."
It had changed. Could he really have missed something so crucial?
"Show me," he ordered, but Alice hesitated.
"Are you sure?" She didn't want to hurt him.
He inhaled deeply, steeling himself. "Yes. Let me see it."
His teeth still ground together; his fists still clenched so tightly that his fingernails cracked. But he forced himself to look closely, to focus on the details.
He'd been so focused earlier on the disturbing vision of Bella and what looked like him, he hadn't paid attention to the surroundings. But Alice was telling him the truth: there was snow on the ground in their meadow now. And not just on the ground — snow swirling in the air.
A snowstorm. A blizzard.
He did the math in his head quickly. Bella's birthday had been in September. He'd been gone seven months.
"It's the middle of April now," he breathed. "You're right. The timing has changed. We have until the winter to find a way to stop them. But why? Why would they wait so long to come after her again?"
Alice hesitated. "I'm not sure yet. But you should ask Carlisle that question after he has a chance to talk with Esme and Rosalie when they get back from Seattle. I don't know why, but it feels like the two may be related. I just can't see it."
And then she changed the topic abruptly. "Edward, why don't you just change her? She'd be safe that way."
He winced. "I'm ashamed to admit just how close I came to it tonight, when you slipped and let me see. But you weren't there with Rose when she first woke up, after what had happened to her. I was. Bella needs time to heal first."
Alice smiled confidently. "We have until winter. Maybe Bella will ask you to change her by then, and this whole thing will be over. You're not really planning to hide on the roof and avoid her forever, are you? Because of something she said when she was drugged?"
His jaw clenched. "I should. But if she makes it clear that she wants to see me, I won't be able to stay away. I know that now. Otherwise, I'm not going to torture her, Alice. I'll be here to protect her, but I'm staying out of sight. Half conscious or not, she seemed pretty clear on not wanting me here, at least for now."
"She will," Alice told him fervently, and sent him a brief, dim image of Bella in a white dress, his mother's ring sparkling on her finger and a soft smile on her face. "I can still find it, Edward. There's still at least one future where that happens."
There was also one where he was attaching that same ring to Bella's headstone, a headstone with a death date only months away, while holding a plane ticket to Volterra in his other hand. He spared his sister knowing that he had caught that brief glimpse as she searched their myriad possible futures.
Instead, he sighed as he turned his head, staring off into the woods. "I'm lost, Alice. Without her, I mean. I can't even remember what it felt like not to need her."
Alice smiled, moved a little closer to him to bump his shoulder with hers. "She's your mate. That's how it's supposed to be."
He exhaled sharply. "It's terrifying. I don't see how you all do it. Just the thought of anything happening to her, or of her turning me away — it becomes difficult to breathe."
Alice nodded. "Some of that is because she's still human...and in danger. But that never completely goes away. I feel it too, to a certain extent, knowing that Jasper is out there, searching for...him. And Victoria."
Edward tilted his head, looking at her, considering. "How do you cope?"
"I'm sure it's different for all of us. But I trust Jasper to do whatever's necessary to come back to me safely. I know that doesn't really apply in your case, at least not physically, because she's so fragile. But Edward, I think she will come back to you, figuratively speaking. I saw how it was for her while you were gone. I think she needs you just as much as you need her."
Edward nodded, not particularly with agreement. Then he took a deep breath, steeling himself. "Tell me the rest of it, Alice. We both know there's something you're still hiding from me."
She looked down for a moment, gathering her courage, then met his eyes and slipped a folded-up piece of paper into his hand. He looked up at her, questioning.
She didn't make him wait any longer. "I know who he is."
Edward could only stare, uncomprehending, for a long moment. Alice's mind gave away nothing. He glanced at the paper in his hand.
"What's this?"
"A sketch. I met up with the boys last night. That's where I was when I texted you that I'd been sidetracked. They've been running down his various trails. He left them a breadcrumb trail all the way to a nightclub in Portland before he let Jasper and Emmett get close enough to catch a glimpse of him. The real him. Then he disappeared into the crowd as God knows who. They described him to me and I drew this. But Edward, you need to understand something: I recognize him. I've seen his real face before. And so has Bella."
He never opened the paper, because Alice dropped her defenses and he saw it in her mind. Bella, unexpectedly going to track down their meadow after school one day while he was in Brazil, unknowingly giving his family the slip. A tall, lanky, red-eyed vampire approaching her, talking to her. Fear in Bella's eyes, but also a calmly welcoming acceptance of her certain impending death that chilled his bones. He could feel the terror Alice had felt seeing it, knowing they'd never get to her in time. He shared his sister's brutal relief when wolves got close enough to scare the monster off.
"If he had seen her before, we could have it all wrong," Alice was still talking, but he was barely listening. "We don't know the extent of his abilities, of everything he can do. Maybe he posed as you because he pulled your memory from her mind. The timing with Victoria leading Jasper and Emmett away could have been simple coincidence or even opportunism on his part. This may not have anything to do with you after all."
But his jaw had gone slack, the very moment recognition shook him to the core. His body froze into horrified stillness.
"No," he breathed hoarsely. "It has everything to do with me."
Alice stared at him. "You know who he is," she said softly. It wasn't a question. She had been fully expecting him to be angry they had let Bella near the meadow to begin with, after expressly swearing to him that they would keep her away from there at all costs. His quiet horror took her aback.
"Tell me, Edward. Who is he?"
But he couldn't move. He couldn't speak.
The voice through the phone — different but somehow the same. The scent on Bella's ravaged clothing — changed but familiar. He hadn't been able to place it, before. He could now.
He had stalked this man, decades before. He had seen his mind — the depravity of it.
If this was the man who had spent an entire night alone with his Bella...in his body...
He actually thought he was about to be sick. Devastation washed over him. Desperation.
He wasn't in control, and his voice reflected it clearly. He sounded panicked.
"Alice, you have to talk to her. You have to find out what he did to her. Everything. She could be hurt. Alice..."
He was reeling, and he couldn't catch his breath.
But it didn't make sense. This was decades ago. Even if that monster had survived, he would be long dead...
And then it hit him.
An alley. The satisfying spurt of thick, warm blood.
A close call. A glimpse of a black cloak, a curious human approaching, far too close to a vampire in a blood frenzy...
He had fled. Hid the body under some boxes...
...and returned to Carlisle the next day, shaken and remorseful. He never went back to check that he had finished the job. After seeing what true evil looked like, through the mind of Albert Thurston Rowe, he was done. He wanted no part of such darkness in his body. Not anymore.
He hadn't killed a human since.
That was the last one.
Or was it?
Was it possible?
There hadn't been enough blood left, had there?
No...there couldn't have been. There couldn't have been.
Because if he had unleashed that monster on the world, exponentially multiplied in power...
If he had created such an evil and unknowingly sent it after his beloved Bella...
Then Hell was too good for him.
"I did this to her," he whispered, knowing the truth of it as it came out of his mouth. He might deserve this. Bella did not. His hands, which he idly noticed were shaking, came up to his temples. "Oh, God. It was me. I did this."
"Edward!" Alice gripped him by the shoulders. "Who is he?"
He barely felt it when Alice pried his unresisting hands away. He was as close to shock as a vampire could get, staring straight forward.
"His name is Albert Rowe," he heard his own voice say, but it sounded foreign to his ears. "He's a rapist and a murderer."
His stricken eyes locked with Alice's wide ones.
"And I created him."
TO BE CONTINUED...