Author's Note:
Thank you to Fran S. Flower for her amazing beta work, and thank you to BrierLynn03 and Wh1teOwl1 for pre-reading.
Chapter 22 – Relapse
Bella was out her front door and down the porch stairs, having assured Charlie she was on her way to get him, before the full impact of what she was doing hit her.
And when it did, she stopped in her tracks. Her keys, dangling from her fingers, jangled with the abruptness of her halt.
Edward.
This was exactly what she'd promised him she wouldn't do. This was what he had been terrified of when he took her face in trembling hands and kissed her goodbye as if he feared he might never see her again.
But this was an emergency. Surely, even he would understand that, right? Her dad needed her. It sounded like Jacob did, too, although he was a much less prominent concern. But she couldn't not go to Charlie when he sounded like that.
She took four more steps toward her truck...and then she stopped.
Again.
If Edward found out — if he returned before she had time to make it back to the Forks side of the boundary — he would try to follow her into La Push.
Again.
She no longer doubted that he would come for her; he wouldn't even think twice. And this time, he likely wouldn't even let Kate Denali stand in his way. He'd be ready with an idea to circumvent any attempt to stop him.
And that would be disastrous.
Risking her own life was one thing. Risking his, another.
And as he had made abundantly clear a few times over, risking her life was risking his. There was no distinction between the two.
She took a deep breath. She needed to stop and think.
"Alice? Are you out there?" she called, staying where she was for the moment. And she wasn't surprised when Alice appeared at the edge of the woods, her face solemn.
What did surprise her, now that she thought about it, was that Alice hadn't already appeared long before — like the very moment Bella got off the phone with Charlie.
In that initial moment when Charlie called, when she just reacted, Bella had forgotten about everything else going on, including her protectors in the woods. Now they were foremost in her mind. Why had none of them stopped her yet?
The night before, Alice had seemed perfectly okay with holding Bella captive after Edward kidnapped her. Had Bella's tearful meltdown actually accomplished something? Had Alice had a change of heart? But what about the Denalis, none of whom had yet shown themselves but were surely out there too? Their loyalties certainly lay with Edward, not Bella. Surely, they wouldn't allow her to escape again.
But none of them were anywhere to be seen, and Alice was keeping her distance even after being summoned. Was Bella going to be allowed to just get in her truck and drive away? Why was no one approaching her?
Maybe Edward had something to do with it, she thought, her mind racing. He had promised that no one would interfere with her during her day alone. Had he meant it quite so...literally? Had he sworn them all to complete noninterference, no matter what she did?
Alice's face gave away nothing.
"I know you heard everything, Alice," Bella started tentatively. "This isn't like last time. It's an emergency."
"I know."
She couldn't read the expression on Alice's face, nor could she read her quiet, subdued tone. She felt compelled to explain further.
"He's my dad. Harry was one of his best friends. There's no way I can just not go tonight, and I'll have to go to the funeral too. But I promised Edward I would stay out of La Push. I don't know what to do, Alice."
"You should know I've already called him," Alice told her quietly. "I waited last time, but I can't do that again; he'd never forgive me. He's on his way, maybe twenty minutes tops. Probably less, knowing him."
Bella sighed, frustrated. Her time to figure out what to do and get it done had just shortened drastically. "Alice, you shouldn't have done that. He needs to hunt."
Alice stood too still, her expression morose. "He was coming back soon anyway. He wasn't exactly worried about going gourmet today. The only reason he went out as far as he did was to meet up with the boys and Rosalie on their way home. They called and asked to meet him about...something. But he's on the way here now. They're not far behind him."
Bella bit at her lip while she considered her choices.
She had two as she saw it.
One, make a break for it now. If Alice really wasn't going to stop her, she could ask for forgiveness later. But that option was out of the question because it might endanger Edward. She'd never make it into La Push and all the way back to Forks before he arrived, not if Alice had already alerted him.
Two, wait until Edward arrived to talk about it. As rational and logical as that sounded, it was every bit as much out of the question as the first option. It would mean leaving her dad permanently stranded in La Push to find his own way home because there wasn't a chance in hell Edward would ever let her go anywhere near there.
She needed a third option — something in between — a compromise. Edward seemed to be in favor of those, of late.
"Alice, let me see your phone," she asked suddenly, holding out her hand as inspiration struck. Alice appeared directly in front of her and placed it in her hand. She still had that expressionless, carefully neutral look on her face, though her eyes looked slightly relieved.
"He's speed dial 2. He'll be so glad you called him, Bella."
But it wasn't Edward she intended to call. She knew exactly what he would say.
It was odd to hear Alice be wrong about what she intended to do. For just a second, it made her paranoid that Alice wasn't really Alice. But it must be because her decision involved the wolves.
She pulled a little scrap of paper out of her pocket, the one where she'd scribbled down the address and phone number for the Clearwater home. Charlie had insisted she write it all down before they hung up, just in case, even though she had been going to La Push since she was a kid. Her dad was there at Harry's house with the Clearwater family, along with the Blacks, Sam Uley, and likely most of the pack. She punched in the number quickly, ignoring the perturbed look of question on Alice's face. Alice obviously didn't like being blind.
"May I speak to Jacob Black, please?" Bella timidly asked when someone picked up. The voice was vaguely familiar — male, deep, with a ring of authority to it. There was a hesitation on the other end of the line. She could sense the no coming, so she quickly added to her request. "Please...I wouldn't even ask right now, but it's kind of an emergency."
She was put on hold. It seemed to take a long time, the seconds ticking down in her head, drawing ever closer to Edward's arrival. But Jacob did finally pick up and slur out a hello.
And when he did, he sounded even worse than Charlie.
"Jake, is that you?" Bella asked uncertainly. "It's me."
"Who is this?" he sniffled, his words garbled. His voice was angry...rude. Nothing like the Jake she knew. "What do you want?"
"It's Bella," she clarified, a little stunned. Then she swallowed hard, feeling stupid. "Bella Swan?" She didn't even sound so sure of her own name right then. Jake's nonrecognition hit her right in the abandonment issues.
The same creeping paranoia she had felt moments before with Alice set in. Was Jake really Jake? God...was Charlie even Charlie? What if that hadn't even been him who called?
She gripped the phone so hard her knuckles started turning white. Could she trust anybody?
There was a pause, a pained exhalation. "Shit. Bells, I'm sorry." The bite had gone out of Jacob's tone, but the utter defeat in it was worse. He still slurred his speech. "I'm sorry. I just...fuck. Sorry. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, um...I'm fine. Are you?"
Jacob exhaled a long, shuddering breath. "No. But I will be. Not like Harry Clearwater and...and his family." His voice broke. "God, Bells. I wish you were here with me right now. I wish I could hold you. I love you so much."
Stunned, Bella's eyes widened. Her gaze locked with Alice, whose lips were pressed into a thin line of disapproval — she'd heard all of that, of course. Which meant Edward would hear it in the very near future.
Great.
Bella had no idea where it had even come from. No matter how many hints Jacob had dropped, he'd never said anything quite like that to her before. What was wrong with him? He couldn't even speak clearly.
Realization landed in the pit of her gut like a rock.
"Oh my God...Jacob Black, are you drunk?"
There was a bitter chuckle. "Probably. No, wait. Yeah. Definitely."
Her compromise was going to fall apart before it ever got started. She had intended to ask Jake to drive Charlie to the line and meet her there and then figure out what to tell Charlie about why later. She could claim to feel sick or something, maybe make vague references to it being her time of the month. Charlie would turn red and change the subject so fast her head would spin.
But that plan wasn't going to work if Jake was under the influence.
What was he doing drinking, especially at a time like this? She'd never known him to do that before. Not to even mention the fact that he was, like, sixteen years old.
"Who the hell gave you alcohol?" she demanded.
"I gave it to myself." He seemed to find that amusing. He chuckled, but it was drenched in bitterness.
She quelled the urge to yell at him some more. It wouldn't do any good, in his condition, and she was swiftly running out of time.
"Who answered the phone before, Jake? Who was that?"
"Sam." The resentment in his voice, even in that one word, was unmistakable.
"Sam Uley?" she had to verify because the venom in Jacob's tone took her aback. On her very recent visit with Jake, when he told her more about the pack, he'd talked about Sam — his alpha, he'd called him — like he was personally responsible for putting the moon in the sky.
Jacob snorted. "Who else? Perfect Sam." His voice grew louder, viciously sarcastic. "Sam Never-made-a-mistake-in-his-whole-damn-life Uley. Right, Sam? Oh, wait. Maybe we should ask Emily about that. Or how about Leah?"
She was just about to ask Jake to put Sam on the line, but she didn't have to. There was a brief scuffling noise, like a quick struggle for possession of the phone. When it stopped, she heard that same deep voice as before, speaking briefly in the background. "Take him outside. Now."
Then that voice came through louder, speaking to her through the phone. "He's going to have to call you back tomorrow."
"Wait!" she called before Sam could hang up. "This is Bella Swan. Um, Charlie's daughter."
"I know who you are."
"And you know about, um...everything else too, right?"
There was a pause. "I do."
"My dad is there," she said in a rush before she could lose her nerve. "He called and asked me to come to get him, but I...I can't. And I can't tell him why, either. I mean, I can come as far as the line, but..."
"Bella," Alice tried to interrupt softly, but Bella waved her off. She wasn't leaving Charlie stranded. This was going to have to be good enough for all of them, Edward included.
"But can somebody give him a ride that far to meet me?" she finished, her tone pleading.
"Bella!" Alice tried more urgently. "You can't." Bella just turned her back on her, put her free hand over her ear to drown out Alice.
"I'll take care of it," Sam told her. "Meet us at the boundary in twenty minutes."
She swallowed hard, hoping that would be enough time to be on the way home before Edward arrived. She would have protection there and back from his family. She would be around wolves other than Jacob, which was contrary to their compromise, but she wouldn't actually be in La Push, where his family couldn't get to her. He wouldn't be too mad, she hoped. Technically, she'd honored at least the spirit of their agreement.
"Thank you, Sam. I really appreciate it."
Sam hung up without another word. Bella handed Alice back the phone and cut her off when she again tried to say something.
"I know, Alice. Look, I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do. I know you're going to call him. Just...ask him to come and wait for me here, okay? Let him know you guys are with me, and I'll be fine."
She'd rather keep Edward as far away from the boundary line as she could. If Jake ended up anywhere nearby, drunk and saying the kind of things he'd just said to her on the phone, that was a recipe for trouble. She wasn't completely clueless; she knew Edward and Jacob would both love any excuse for a fight. Jacob's extensive explanations about the pack, the treaty, and all things wolf, on her recent visit, had driven home the whole 'natural enemies' concept pretty unmistakably.
She stepped around Alice toward her truck, still expecting to be grabbed at any moment. But Alice only called after her.
"I told him this morning I wouldn't physically stop you from anything. But Bella, I'm asking you. Please don't try to do this. It'll ruin everything."
Ignoring Alice, she got in her truck, slammed the door, and inserted the key with a trembling hand. She chanced a peek in Alice's direction and found her still standing in exactly the same spot she had left her. Her eyes were closed; her expression resigned — like something horrible was about to happen.
That made more sense to Bella when she turned the key...
Because absolutely nothing happened, not a thing. Her truck was completely dead.
No, not dead, she knew instantly, as a cold chill crept down her back.
Disabled.
Intentionally.
Edward's original intention had been to hunt locally — just take down the first herd of deer he came across, then quickly rejoin his family outside Bella's house to help protect her.
She wouldn't know he was back so soon, of course. He'd seen the way her eyes lit up at the mere mention of a whole day alone. And although he'd be lying if he said that reaction hadn't caused him just the slightest twinge of hurt and maybe even a little jealousy, he was thoroughly determined that she was going to get that time alone.
He just couldn't bring himself to go very far away while she did so.
He didn't immediately leave after he walked out her door, either, as he'd intended. Instead, he waited outside with his family in the woods for several hours first, wanting to make sure Bella was really going to be okay with him being gone. If he heard the first sob, he'd be back inside before the echo of it faded.
He understood Bella's abandonment issues better than she might think — mostly because he'd developed some separation anxiety issues of his own. There was still a large part of him that deeply feared he'd never see her again every time Bella left his sight. The man and the monster shared that fear.
In fact, kissing her goodbye when he left that day had been an exercise in self-control. A failed exercise. He'd all but inhaled her whole, and he was damn lucky he hadn't scared her with the intensity of his kiss. His ever-present worry about doing exactly that was the only thing that kept him even remotely in check.
He was still there watching when she came outside, mid-afternoon, and lay down with a book. His guts clenched at the way her nervous eyes kept going to the same place in her yard, over and over again. He knew what had happened there. That was where Albert first showed himself, lured her in...grabbed her and took off with her.
Though there was nothing there but bare grass, the ghost of Albert's presence seemed to haunt that spot. Edward could vividly see him standing there, stalking Bella — looking exactly like the man Edward saw in the mirror every day. His muscles stayed tense with the urge to go to her, hold her, protect her.
It wasn't until Bella fell into a heavy sleep that Alice was able to convince him to leave and go feed, as he'd promised Bella he would do that day. He couldn't very well come home without golden eyes. She was likely to sleep for several hours anyway, exhausted as she clearly was.
He hunted with all possible speed, mechanically tracking down and working his way through a large but unappetizing meal. The taste barely registered. He just wanted to get back to Bella.
But those plans changed when Rosalie called, just as he finished hunting. She and his brothers were ready to return from Seattle, and they wanted to meet up with him somewhere in between, far from Forks.
More accurately, demanded to meet, saying there was something urgent to discuss with him.
Carlisle wasn't with them. Edward had learned early that morning that Carlisle wanted to stay in Seattle for the time being. One of the members of Victoria's army had attracted his attention, apparently — someone he thought he could save, train in their ways if he could find a means to approach her. Carlisle hoped maybe that one wouldn't have to be eliminated, though he reluctantly accepted Emmett's and Jasper's conclusion that it was likely the only way to deal with most of them.
Usually, Edward wouldn't have been so annoyed since he himself had been one of Carlisle's pet projects. The only reason he was still above ground in this century to even have a mate was because of Carlisle's compassion. In large part, any future he had with Bella was due to the man who was his father figure, and Edward knew that.
But despite his trust in his father's instincts, he neither needed nor wanted further complications right then, not when he already had his hands more than full just trying to keep his mate alive.
What would they do with this girl, even if Carlisle was able to get through to her? She certainly wasn't coming to live at the Cullen house any time in the foreseeable future. Edward would never agree to have a newborn vampire anywhere near Bella until after she was changed. Maybe not even then. They were simply too unpredictable, and Carlisle surely knew that.
Edward Cullen had exactly one priority: Isabella Marie Swan. And Carlisle surely knew that too.
So, with the news of another possible complication to worry about, Edward was irritated even before Rose and his brothers caused him to have to stray farther from Bella's side than he believed was necessary. He didn't really understand why he needed to travel an extra sixty or so miles out of his way just to hear the information they'd learned in Seattle. Not when they could have certainly told him over the phone or after they arrived home.
But then Emmett got on the phone and insisted. After everything his family had done for him in recent days to protect his Bella, he couldn't bring himself to say no.
Bella was well-protected, at least — not to mention the extra insurance he'd provided himself that she would stay right where he left her.
And so, he soon found himself much farther from home than he really wanted, waiting for his siblings to arrive, not really knowing what he was doing there.
He figured out the answer to that burning question the very moment his family came into his range.
They wanted to ambush him. And they wanted to do so on neutral ground, far away from Bella, so they would have a chance of successfully holding his attention long enough to get their point across.
But it had nothing to do with any type of valuable information from Seattle that would help him. No, it was far more trivial than that.
They were worried about him. More specifically, they were worried about him and Bella.
Apparently, Rosalie wasn't quite done with the ridiculous accusations she'd flung at him at school the day before when they'd argued about his "progressively controlling behavior."
He'd been their primary topic of discussion the entire trip, it seemed. They misconstrued his careful shielding of Bella at school as a frightening determination to isolate her from her friends and keep her all to himself. They cited his willingness to kidnap her in order to protect her as stemming from a dark desire for control, rather than for her safety. They raked him over the coals for that awkward lunchtime they'd endured after he forbade her to see Jacob.
Much had been made of the kidnap bed, as Emmett had apparently taken to calling his well-intentioned gift.
Words like downward spiral had been tossed around, mostly by Rosalie, who was obviously the ringleader of this little hit squad. It pissed him off immensely.
He didn't have time for this. He had already corrected this issue when he realized his actions to protect Bella from Jacob were driving a wedge between himself and his mate.
Had he not made a compromise with her, just the night before? Perhaps it had been done, in part, to further his strategy to beat Jacob Black at his own game; to secure Bella's affections solely for himself again. But he had made that compromise nonetheless, and he intended to honor it.
Or mostly honor it, so long as doing so didn't endanger her safety in any way.
He wasn't the controlling, manipulative bastard his siblings were accusing him of being.
Was he?
All of a sudden, that distributor cap from Bella's truck, the one he'd removed right after he kissed her goodbye and walked out her door, felt very heavy in his pocket.
As did the key to Charlie's cruiser, which sat right alongside it, just in case she decided to try that next. He'd stealthily pocketed it on the way out the door, while Bella's heart was still racing from his passionate kiss. She probably wouldn't have noticed if he'd tried to make off with the living room couch on his shoulder.
He knew what this kind of thing looked like. He wasn't foolish. And he would never have done it if not for that terrifying statement she'd made that morning in their cottage, the one about not leaving home unless it was an emergency.
The fear those final words struck into his heart was paralyzing. He'd decided, at that very moment, he needed a little insurance. His definition and Bella's definition of an emergency, especially where Jacob Black was involved, were likely very different.
But Alice had been standing with them in the cottage when Bella made that statement, and she'd very clearly seen Edward's immediate decision to disable Bella's transportation and thereby hold her to her promise about staying put.
His sister had seen him plan it all out: how he would disable the truck and take the cruiser key with him; how he would make sure to return before Charlie, so he could be there to ensure the man did nothing to further upset Bella. He would have the missing key back in its place long before either Charlie or Bella ever noticed it was gone.
Furthermore, he would carry both the engine part and the key on his person when he left — because Alice couldn't be trusted not to fold if Bella pled with her enough. She might put the truck back together for her, herself.
Alice foresaw all of that decision as it formed in his mind. And she didn't like it.
Any of it.
At all.
His sister had very much taken Bella's shouted words the night before to heart — the ones about being treated like a prisoner — and she nearly called him on it right there in front of Bella. He still wasn't sure Bella hadn't noticed his reaction, his tiny shake of the head to Alice, warning her to keep her damn mouth shut.
If he had to bet on it, he would say Bella did notice. His mate had become entirely too perceptive for his own good lately.
He couldn't help feeling a little betrayed that Alice, his one sibling who had been so fully on his side before, the one so equally determined to keep Bella far away from La Push where they couldn't see her future, suddenly took exception to his methods.
After all, the only way Bella would ever even know he had disabled her truck was if she tried to use it — at which point she would be failing to hold up her end of the bargain anyway, her promise to stay put.
How could she possibly be mad at him for that?
The waves of calm Jasper was throwing Edward's way as his siblings approached him were probably a good thing.
But despite that, he was snarling when they came into view. He was standing stock still, waiting for them, and glaring directly at Rosalie. He was glaring at her ferociously enough, in fact, that Emmett took a step between them.
"Easy, bro," his brother tried to keep the peace. But Edward wasn't in the mood. He should be home keeping a watchful eye on Bella — not standing in the woods sixty miles away, being insulted.
"This is over the line, Rosalie," he snarled by way of greeting.
"You would know," his maddening sister shot back, crossing her arms, not in the least frightened of him. "That's where you live these days."
He scoffed, his lips contorting into a vicious approximation of a smile — a deadly one. "I don't have time for this. I don't have time for your ridiculous, petty jealousy against my mate."
"That's not what this is about, and you know it." Rosalie's face was the very picture of haughty — although she didn't exactly deny her jealousy of Bella, knowing he could read her mind anyway. "We're trying to help you, dumbass. Do you think any of us want to live in a house with you if you keep going the way you are and lose this girl? God, you were bad enough before."
His teeth ground together so hard they nearly cracked. "Let me set your mind at ease. If I lose her, none of you will have to worry about me anyway. I won't be here."
Rosalie started to say something else, but Emmett beat her to it, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder to quiet her. He was the one person on the planet who could actually manage to shut Rosalie up and not risk losing an appendage in the process. She softened at her mate's touch.
"Nobody wants that," Emmett assured him, full of his typical Emmett sincerity. It was almost impossible to be angry with Emmett. He was too well-meaning all the time. "Just hear us out a minute. You know I think Bella's perfect for you, but she's not one of us yet. You freaked her out pretty good with all that stuff about not allowing her to see Jacob. If you don't want to believe Rose and me about that, just ask Jasper."
A fresh wave of calm hit Edward, and it only pissed him off further. "Cut it out, Jasper. If you have something to say to me, just fucking say it."
He might not have made that request if he'd known how deeply Jasper's words would cut.
"You were at the same lunch table I was yesterday, Edward," Jasper gave his input calmly. "You shouldn't need me to tell you that girl was so upset she didn't even want you to touch her. She nearly jumped out of her skin every time you moved. I can tell you she was furious, feeling completely lost and unsure what to do, and maybe even a little scared.
"Taking charge of your mate's safety is one thing, Edward. We all do it. But Emmett's right. Until she's one of us, Bella sees your protective efforts through the lens of human wisdom and experience. And those are starting to tell her there are a few red flags she might want to pay attention to. All we're saying is be careful. Walk it back a notch until you change her."
He didn't want to let those words sink in. He really didn't. But the mere mention of Bella being scared and not wanting him to touch her was enough to plant the seed of a few doubts in his mind.
Not that he was going to admit that to any of them. He barely managed to keep his tone civil.
"Bella and I are fine. We worked it out — without the need for your assistance, I might add. It's not an issue anymore."
He was going to walk out on that absurd conversation. He turned around and took two steps, with every intention of returning to Bella just as fast as he could. But Emmett stopped him cold with one question.
"Not an issue, huh? Is that a distributor cap in your pocket, bro, or are you just happy to see us?"
He froze in place, his back already turned to them. So that was the tipping point that prompted this little ambush — him disabling Bella's truck. Not only was Alice not on his side anymore, but she'd also ratted him out to the rest of them. They'd carefully kept it out of their minds until that very moment, saving it as their kill shot if they needed it.
"Mind your own goddamn business, Emmett," Edward said coldly, without turning around. His tone did not invite argument.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
At least Emmett had the decency to say it in his own mind, where only Edward would hear, as he left his siblings behind and started for home.
The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew as he ran back to Forks.
Perhaps his siblings had a couple of valid points — he'd come to the conclusion on his own, after all, that he had gone too far in forbidding Bella to even speak with Jacob Black on the phone and by destroying the mutt's letters — but they weren't entirely correct, either.
What they saw as him isolating Bella at school was a concerted effort to emotionally protect her, and one she seemed to appreciate. All his siblings could see was him keeping her away from all of her human peers. They couldn't feel the way her nails dug into him every time someone got close, especially if that someone was male. They didn't feel the way she gratefully shrunk deeper into his side every time he put his arm around her and led her away from Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley, and even Angela Weber. He was following her cues.
He hadn't kidnapped Bella out of some desire to control her, either. He'd done it because there was a monster lurking in the woods somewhere, in a little shack fifteen miles outside Forks, who wanted to rape and murder her — and Edward couldn't very well protect his mate if he couldn't fucking find her. She was unstable, making dangerously rash decisions, especially whenever he left her side. He just needed the advantage of knowing where she was at all times. And he needed to be able to get to her, wherever that was, which he couldn't do if she were in La Push.
And as for the, quote, kidnap bed? For fuck's sake, he'd just wanted her to be comfortable while he was gone. He wasn't even supposed to be there when she was in it. If she hadn't all but dragged him into it, he'd have never even considered the idea of getting in that bed with her.
Jesus Christ. Why was it so difficult for everyone to understand that he just wanted to keep his mate safe?
He understood at least some of the reasons why: It truly wasn't the same for the other males in his family — not like it was for him.
Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper all loved just as intensely as he did. They would all go to great lengths to protect their mates. They would all do absolutely anything it took to accomplish that, up to and including issuing protective orders that they expected to be followed. But the difference was that their mates were also vampires, who didn't fight them on it every step of the way. Edward had no choice but to take things one step farther.
None of his family's mates were quite so breakable as his. None of their mates were the target of a terrifying plan to violate and murder them. None of their mates were fragile humans who stubbornly refused to just be protected and had tendencies to run off to wolf territory alone.
And most importantly, none of the other male members of his family — not one — had ever listened over the phone to their mate being violently abducted. None had experienced what he went through in that moment, knowing exactly what future awaited his beloved at the hands of her captor because he'd already watched it play out in his sister's head like some kind of goddamn horror movie.
If he was a little hypervigilant...if he was a little terrified all the time these days...maybe he had good reason to be.
And maybe it wasn't his siblings he needed to make understand all of that.
But he wasn't going to get the chance that night.
Within seconds of his decision to go straight home, put Bella's truck back together and pour out his soul to her — just lay his goddamn heart at her feet, confess how strong he really wasn't when it came to his terror of losing her — his fucking phone rang.
It never once crossed his mind that it might be good news. He knew better than to expect that by now, especially when it was Alice's number staring back at him from the screen.
There wasn't enough profanity in enough languages for what she had to tell him.
Charlie Swan had managed to stumble into some wolf-related emergency in La Push and wanted Bella to come and save him. And Bella was already grabbing her keys.
…Keys to a truck that wasn't going to crank.
Alice couldn't see how the Charlie situation was going to end — there were too many wolves involved to be anything more than a hazy blur.
But she did have a pretty goddamn clear vision of Bella yelling at Edward not to touch her, then running into her house in tears. He couldn't actually see the vision yet, of course. He was nowhere near close enough for that.
But Alice described it vividly: Bella running away from him; Bella slamming both the front door and then her bedroom window, leaving him standing outside all night in the quickly approaching storm...
A storm that was preparing to batter Forks with a massive deluge of rain, wind, and thunder, bringing in a bitter and unusual late-season cold front.
And if she saw anything after that, Alice wasn't sharing.
Bella sat in the driver's seat of her truck, arms crossed protectively across her chest, silently staring at the wheel. She never moved again once she realized it wasn't going to crank. She didn't bother trying to go inside for the key to Charlie's cruiser. She had no doubt that wasn't going to crank either. Edward was nothing if not thorough.
She also didn't feel the need to speak to Alice, even when Alice tapped gently on the window and asked to talk to her. She stared straight at the wheel, stock still, until Alice mercifully disappeared, presumably back into the woods.
She was just numb. She had absolutely nothing to say. At least, not until Edward got there. The thunder rumbling in the distance seemed almost an extension of her mood — a portent of a violent explosion.
There was a chill in the air, and she briefly wished she'd brought her coat.
Then she remembered she wasn't going anywhere anyway. Not ever, until Edward and his family allowed it. It wasn't like she could overpower them; they could force her to do whatever they wanted.
Never in her life had she felt so foolish, so humiliated. That compromise they had made the night before — the one that had led to her embarrassingly throwing herself at Edward, clinging to him, and trying to take his pants off, for God's sake — wasn't worth the breath they'd expended negotiating it.
She had taken that compromise about Jacob as a show of trust in her, one that meant the world to her after the mistake she'd made in sneaking off to La Push the first time, a mistake that had led to Edward being tortured by Kate and then further tortured by her own return, reeking of wolf.
But that show of trust had all been an act. Edward didn't trust her. Not even a little bit. Not if he could do something like this.
This was...she didn't even have words to describe how wrong it felt. She had done her best to ignore this uneasy, mildly frightening feeling when he first forbade her to see Jacob, and even when he kidnapped her after she went around him and did it anyway. It wasn't like Edward would actually hurt her. She could never believe something like that of him.
But nonetheless, the uneasy feeling that maybe she had got it all wrong, that she was in way over her head was just too strong to ignore this time. This was the kind of thing people always warn you about, the kind of thing that ends up on some stupid prime-time documentary — the true-crime story of the average girl swept off her feet by the charming, handsome stranger, only for it to take a scary, controlling turn.
Her mother had always loved watching those real-life horror stories. Renee might not be the most responsible parent on earth. Far from it. But something like this? Bella's mom would have some very strong opinions. She could hear the entire lecture inside her head, one Renee had given her when she hit what Renee considered dating age — any boy ever tries that nonsense with you, Bella, you grab his nuts and twist, and then you run. Call me, and I'll come to get you.
Graphic advice to give an eleven-year-old. But then, Renee had never been the average parent.
It had been a while since the longing for her mom hit so hard. The thought of just curling up in Renee's arms, bawling her eyes out until everything was better, brought tears to her eyes.
As if the thing with Edward wasn't confusing enough, then there was Alice, her self-proclaimed best friend.
Alice, who clearly knew about this from the very beginning. That explained why Alice hadn't tried to stop her from going to her truck in the first place. It was what Alice had been trying to tell her, too, when she was on the phone with Sam.
Alice hadn't had a change of heart. It wasn't some commitment to not treating Bella like a prisoner any longer. Alice had just known the truck wasn't going to crank anyway, so why bother stopping her.
Bella wasn't crying, exactly. There were no sobs. But one tear and then another made their way past her lashes, rolling down her cheeks.
She had little awareness of the passage of time, aside from the fact that Charlie would soon be sitting at the boundary line waiting for her — and she wasn't going to be there.
There was absolutely nothing she could do about that, either, aside from trust Sam Uley to eventually realize she wasn't coming and just drive Charlie the rest of the way home. Charlie's cell phone had already been dead by the time he called her from the Clearwaters' house. And she didn't know if Sam even had a cell number, nor did she have the ambition right then to try to call around and obtain it.
Numb. She was just...numb.
It actually took her a few moments to realize he was there when Edward quietly appeared in the passenger's seat beside her. She was so lost in thought she didn't even notice the door being opened. He seemed to just suddenly be there beside her, as silent as she. The only difference was he wasn't staring straight ahead like she was. She could feel his gaze burning into her.
She slowly turned, focused on him. He was already looking at her, his expression guarded. Only his eyes gave away the worry he felt, tracking the tears on her face. His jaw tightened slightly. But he didn't say anything. He didn't reach for her.
He didn't look angry this time, though. He looked terrified — like he knew what was about to happen and dreaded it.
And maybe he did. Alice was likely still in those woods.
"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly, tonelessly, her voice pitched low.
His jaw worked. He seemed to be fighting some kind of battle with himself.
"Because I was scared." His voice was hoarse.
She turned her eyes back to the steering wheel, strangely devoid of any feeling at all for that admission. "Scared of what?"
He exhaled harshly. "Everything. This. Losing you. You not being right next to me, where I can hold onto you. God, Bella...just everything. I've been scared since the day Alice first had that vision, the day I left you. I'm scared all the time."
She sighed hard. That was just...more than she could deal with right then. Her mistrust was so high at the moment that his words almost felt like manipulation. And she was not going to let him manipulate her or turn this around on her.
Not this time.
"You didn't have to do this," she told the steering wheel. Her voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the fury in it. She was primed to explode at any moment. "I was going to keep my promise because I love you. I wasn't going to go into La Push tonight. Not once I realized what it would mean."
"I know." When she looked up at him sharply, he clarified. "Alice replayed every word for me when I got here."
She swallowed hard. Every word. Some words spoken tonight, especially by a drunken Jacob, she'd rather he hadn't heard.
"I thought you trusted me," she whispered. The closer she drew to detonation, the quieter her voice grew.
His eyes bored into her, fingers jerking toward her like he nearly reached for her hand but then thought better of it. He clenched his hand into a ball on his thigh, instead. "I do trust you, Bella. I just don't trust them. I don't trust them not to manipulate you."
"Them?" Her voice was ice.
"Jacob. The wolves. Even Charlie. They all have the same agenda, and it's to get you away from me."
She scoffed, annoyance seeping past the numbness. "Now you're just being paranoid."
"Am I?" he challenged, his own annoyance rising. "I'm not even gone a full day, and already, they've all managed to manufacture some crisis to get you there."
Her mouth fell open. "A man died tonight! A friend, one I've known my whole life! It's not like they planned this. if Alice really told you every word of what was said here tonight, then you know exactly what killed Harry Clearwater, just like I do!"
Edward's mouth twisted into a humorless smile as he grew defensive. "An animal attack. So that automatically means vampire to you, right? You're so busy defending Jacob Black that it never once occurred to you it could have been one of them?"
She stared at him, shocked, her lips parting.
"No, of course not," he muttered, looking away. He seemed to want to say more but clenched his jaw, pressed his lips together, still giving the appearance of struggling with himself. She wasn't the only one teetering on the brink of saying things she shouldn't. Something obviously had him just as upset with her as she was with him.
Nonetheless, Bella wasn't ready to back down yet. "Even if that were true, even if it was one of them, it's not like they did it on purpose. Nobody's trying to take me away from you, Edward! And even if they were, you have to know it wouldn't work!"
"Oh, do I?" His head shot around to face her, and she could almost see the moment he lost whatever battle he'd been inwardly fighting. "I'm just curious about something, Bella. Did it ever once occur to you tonight to call me for help, your mate, instead of Jacob Black?"
She fidgeted, losing some of her resolve. "Edward, I — that's not fair. Alice had already called you. And besides... I knew what you would say."
His eyes were hard. "And what is that?"
"That I couldn't go. That the wolves are too dangerous and I had to stay here. And then Charlie would just be stranded. I can't do that to him, Edward. He's my dad. I had to think of something, and I knew Jacob would help me."
The hurt on his face was unmistakable. "Except he didn't, did he? And maybe that's not what I would have said to you at all, had you given me even half a chance. Maybe I would have rushed home to go with you, contacted Sam, and driven you to the border myself to pick up your father together, because I'm your mate and your problems are also my problems. Did that never occur to you?"
Taking her guilty silence for skepticism, he sighed heavily. "You don't believe me at all. So you view me as a tyrant too."
That caught her attention, drew it away from her own anger for the moment. "Too? What are you talking about?"
He shook his head, finally dropped his intense gaze, and looked away from her out the window. "Nothing."
There was a heavy, uncomfortably tense silence for a few moments. Then Edward passed a weary hand over his face and quadrupled the tension in the truck.
"Is that why you don't want to marry me, Bella?" His voice was toneless. Defeated. Dead.
"What?"
He turned and looked her straight in the eye. "I know you're opposed to the idea of marrying me. I would really like to know why, and I'd prefer that you not try to spare my feelings. The truth, please."
She probably looked like a deer in the headlights. "I — I don't know. I'm too young? I'm only eighteen. I'm just not ready."
The sound that shot out of his throat was one of pure frustration. "But you're not too young to die? To damn your soul for all of eternity by becoming like me?"
She stared at him, growing angrier by the moment. "That's different. And you know how I feel about the soul thing. We settled this a long time ago. Don't even start with that again!"
He studied her intently. "What is it you really want, Bella? Me, for all of eternity, or just the immortality part? Is that why you refuse to marry me?"
She threw her hands up, frustrated. "How can you even ask me that? It's you, Edward. It's always been you!"
"If that's true, marry me."
His eyes were intense, and fear gripped her heart. "Why is this so...so crucial all of a sudden?" she deflected. "It's just a stupid piece of paper!"
She regretted those words immediately, at the devastated look on his face.
"It's not just a stupid piece of paper to me. It's a vow to love one another for a lifetime — just your human lifetime. But it represents even more than that for us. Because how can I change you, how can I, in good conscience, damn you to an eternity in my world, if even that one comparatively small step is too great of a commitment for you? I can't, Bella. I won't."
Her blood ran cold. "So we're back to this? Now you're not even going to change me unless I marry you? You don't want to touch me, and you don't want to change me either? So what is there for us, Edward?"
Her heart was pounding in her chest like it wanted to escape. How the hell did they get here? This was...this was breakup talk.
Edward's frame grew tense, unnaturally still, at her mention of him not wanting to touch her. "You know why I stopped last night, Bella. You know."
And yes, she did. It was because her body betrayed her. It was because she freaked out and couldn't control her reaction to something so simple as his thumb brushing her breast.
No wonder he didn't want to touch her.
No wonder he suddenly didn't want to be tied to her forever. Who could blame him?
She bit her lip, not prepared to face that crushing thought yet, and desperately grabbed for the first change of topic she could find.
The worst one possible.
"I'm going to Harry's funeral," she informed him, her chin jutting out defiantly.
His eyes closed, the expression on his face changing to one of dread. He exhaled a slow, controlled breath.
"No. You're not. I'm sorry."
She grit her teeth. "Yes. I am."
But Edward wasn't moved. "I'm not having you in the middle of an entire pack of werewolves alone, without me there to protect you. It's not happening, Bella. Especially not when Albert's still out there. No. We made a deal, and I'm holding you to it."
Knowing what was soon to come, while not knowing exactly what he would say or do to prompt it, was torture for Edward.
Alice hadn't had any problem with letting him know how this conversation would end — with Bella running away from him into her house and slamming her window. His sister just wasn't prepared to offer up any details on how to avoid it. She didn't particularly feel that he deserved them.
When he first arrived, she willingly gave him the whole rundown of what happened in his absence, including that hurtful detail of Bella's first call for help being to Jacob, rather than to him — something that happened even before she knew he'd disabled her truck. A small but important distinction.
But before he could pick through his sister's brain and try to find out what he was going to say so wrong in the very near future, Alice simply left the premises.
Only Esme and the Denalis remained in the woods. Alice was on her way home to meet up with the rest of his traitorous siblings, who had called and asked her to meet them at home. Apparently, they wanted to rake him across the coals a little more.
He could hardly bring himself to care — not when Bella was staring at him; her lips parted in stunned shock at the revelation he intended to hold her to her deal to stay out of La Push.
"This is different!" she argued. "This is an emergency. Charlie needs me to be there."
"Not nearly so much as I need you, alive and unharmed," Edward insisted with deceptive calm. He felt anything but calm. "Besides, if you're ever changed, you'll never be able to set foot in La Push again anyway, emergency or not. You might as well start getting used to the idea now."
"If I'm ever changed."
So she had caught that. He was sure of nothing, at the moment, aside from the fact that his heart ached with pain and confusion. Thanks to his family, even his own self-identity was in question — his perception of what type of man he was. He didn't even trust his own thoughts. How could he tie this innocent, trusting girl to himself forever if he was even more of a monster than he'd already known?
"Yes," he answered simply, his face an emotionless mask. He had already allowed his emotions to slip enough when he called her out for seeking help from Jacob before himself. He'd known that was a mistake before it was fully out of his mouth, and he couldn't risk another one. Better to keep himself under strict control, not say or do anything to tip the scales of this discussion in the direction of Alice's vision. He needed to stay composed.
Bella took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself. So she had decided on the same strategy, trying to start this over less emotionally.
"Edward, it's one time, just for a few hours," she began, trying to sound reasonable. "They're not going to hurt me. And even if Albert tried to come there, he couldn't get through all of them."
That was supposed to make him feel better?
"Ignoring, for a moment, the horrifying prospect of thirty young wolves all transforming in your immediate presence, I still don't know the full extent of Albert's capabilities," he replied, matching her reasonable tone exactly. "We know he can change his appearance, his scent, even his voice. Who's to say he couldn't pick off one of the wolves just before the funeral and assume their form? Slip in and sit down right next to you, as someone you trust? He could even appear as Charlie, Bella. And without me there to read his mind, he could get away with it."
He didn't like the way she brightened at that. It could only mean the argument was about to take a new direction, one decidedly not in his favor.
"Actually, I was thinking about that," she told him, her voice heartbreakingly hopeful. "You said they could all hear each other's thoughts, right?"
"In wolf form," he clarified tightly, his mind already racing several steps ahead to the outcome of this new strand of the conversation. "Bella..."
"But they do have a way to check each other's identity and thoughts," she rushed to cut off his protest. "So really, I'm even safer there, with all of them, than I am..."
"Than you are with me?" Hurt made those words sharper than he'd have intended.
But Bella softened, seeing right through him. "Than I am with your family when you're gone," she amended. She hesitated, but reached over and put her hand on top of his, still clenched into a tight ball on his lap to keep himself from reaching for her. "I'm never safer than when I'm with you."
He stared at her tiny hand on top of his. He made no move to unclench his fist, curl his fingers around her own.
Don't touch me. She would soon be saying those horrible words as she ran away from him — a moment he dreaded.
So this was how it was going to happen. Because despite the undeserved kindness she'd just shown him, he couldn't back down on this. No matter how much he hated to make her unhappy, no matter how much he hated to deny her anything, sending her into La Push alone was not a risk he was prepared to take.
The consequences be damned.
"The answer is still no," he said quietly, still staring at their hands. "It's just too dangerous."
He could feel it now as the storm outside drew closer, lightning splitting the sky in the distance — the impending explosion of Bella's rage. Raindrops were just starting to fall, huge drops splattering against the windshield, just as they had been doing in Alice's vision of Bella running from him.
It was getting close now.
"This is not your decision to make," she tried again, her voice growing hard. Her hand left his, and he felt its absence acutely.
"It pertains to your safety," he held his ground anyway. "So I can assure you it most certainly is my decision to make."
"Says who?" she challenged, her voice rising.
"Says your mate," he snapped, his own temper getting the better of him, in the face of the inevitability of this argument's conclusion. "This is what you said you wanted, Bella. You all but begged me to say the word after what happened with James — to claim you for my own. Well, this is what it looks like; this is what a vampire does when his mate is in danger."
Tears sprang to her eyes. "I can't believe you would say that to me. I can't believe you would throw that night in my face."
God, how could she still not understand him after all this time?
"I'm not trying to," he said, having to make a conscious effort not to growl. "I'm trying to make you understand. This is why I was hesitant to say it back then, to let myself think of you that way while you're still human … to think of you as mine. But it's done now, and you can't just pick and choose what parts you want and don't want. This is what I am. I can't just turn it off and on. Believe me, Bella, I've tried, and it doesn't work. Your safety is, and always will be, non-negotiable for me."
Maybe he couldn't read her mind, but he'd studied her every expression long enough and intently enough to recognize the look on her face — the same one he'd seen in Alice's vision of her yelling at him not to touch her as she ran away.
Bella was at the brink.
"So this is really just about my safety?" she pushed, her tone cold and disbelieving. "You can honestly tell me it has nothing to do with your ridiculous jealousy of Jake?"
He'd already lost this battle long before he got into the passenger seat beside her. He'd lost it the moment he took that distributor cap, rather than trusting in her promise and in her integrity to keep her safely on the Forks side of the line.
So he may as well get all of his cards out on the table and get it over with.
"Of course, it does," he hissed, eyes angrily flashing as he leaned toward her. "I told you what he wants, and I'm not going to just stand by and watch him try to take it. I'm a vampire, Bella. We don't share."
Her eyes widened. After a moment of frozen, stunned silence, her hand closed around the door handle beside her.
"That is way, way over the line, Edward!" she yelled as she wrenched it open and all but threw herself out the door into the light rain.
Just like in Alice's vision, he was out the same door and in pursuit before she was two steps away from her truck, reaching for her hand.
And just like in Alice's vision, he let go when she attempted to snatch her fingers from his grasp, whirling to face him. The rain started to pick up intensity. She shivered — whether from the cold or because of him, he couldn't say.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled in his face, backing away. "Don't. Touch. Me."
The second time she said it was quieter.
Lower.
And far more terrifying.
"Bella, wait. Please."
But all he saw was her back as she ran for the house, slamming the door behind her.
He knew to expect it, moments later, when her bedroom window slammed shut with finality.
It didn't reopen.
TO BE CONTINUED...