私に薬の主人を呼んではいけない

by Kyoko0001

Fai doesn't think the term 'drug lord' is an accurate description of his line of work. Of course, it's hard to explain exactly what it is you do when you find out that your Tinder crush is an officer at the Tokyo police department. Modern Day AU. KuroFai. Mentions of other CLAMP ships here and there. Full list of warnings at the beginning of each chapter.

12. Chapter 12

"Are you really going to sleep all day?"

Fai's eyes fluttered open following a sharp jab to the center of his forehead and he was left watching an identical pair of baby blues staring back at him with a mix of concern and annoyance.

Wait…

"Yuui?"

What the fuck?

Fai felt his heart skip a beat—maybe twelve—and he blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear his obviously failing vision. He was so confused at the building amusement on Yuui's face that he couldn't even panic.

He had to be seeing things. What the hell had he swallowed, snorted, or huffed to end up tripping this badly?

"You only come see me once a year… You don't think sleeping the entire time is counterproductive?" Yuui not so carefully flopped over Fai—bouncing on the bed behind him before playing big spoon just like they had done so many times before.

As common and comfortable as this position had been for them, there was no familiar warmth that came along with the hug from his brother. As much as that sucked—it did rule out a miracle resurrection.

Pushing the distressing ache of emotions aside, Fai closed his eyes again and took a deep, shaky breath. He couldn't stand to look at the barely visible ugly purple paint—or the pictures, sketches and poems that almost entirely covered the unfortunate color choice the twins had made as tweens.

Fai didn't manage to keep them closed for long, though. As soon as his peepers cut the video feed to his brain, his ears picked up the slack and the sound of Yuui breathing in time with the apparent rise and fall of his chest was so much worse.

None of this made sense to him—Yuui was dead.

He'd been dead for 15 years.

This was a bad trip—a nightmare—hell, it could be both for all he cared, as long as it ended soon.

"Am I hallucinating or dreaming?" Fai carefully interlaced his fingers with Yuui's against his better judgement and repeated the deep breath, sighing loudly as he exhaled and felt the solid comforting, if not icy squeeze in response.

Could you feel cold in dreams?

Was that just pain?

Should he try and pinch himself?

"You know—I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be this self-aware… You should really get out of your head once in a while, Fai." Yuui gave his hand another little squeeze and he snorted.

It wasn't like it was a bad suggestion for a normal person—Fai just wasn't normal—He was slightly dysfunctional on his best days, after all. Lately, he had been leaning much closer to actually insane, given recent events.

It was a very Yuui thing to say, nonetheless—his twin had been scolding him on such things for as long as either of them could remember. Fai had always been an overthinker despite his reckless nature.

"So...a dream?" Fai wiggled and turned in the cold embrace—oddly, Yuui was still his mirror image and boy, did that fuck with him in a special way.

He had never had a clear hypothesis for what happened after a person died… Fai was an atheist and figured he would either be greeted with nothingness when he finally got himself killed, or he would be pleasantly surprised—either way, he had spent innumerable hours trying to not think about what became of Yuui's consciousness while his body had rotted away.

If he had aged along with Fai, did that mean he had been floating around watching his brother lose his humanity right along with his mind all these years? Had Yuui seen all of the disgusting things Fai had done to get where he was today? Had he heard every lie that he had uttered?

Talk about unsettling.

The guardian angel shuck and jive didn't bring him an ounce of comfort—Fai couldn't remember how many nights he had been kept awake agonizing over just what Yuui would have to say to him if that were the case—but he sure had lost a lot of sleep over it.

Who would have thought he'd have his fingers crossed for this alarming event to just be a hallucination?

"Maybe I'm a ghost?" His twin shrugged innocently, and Fai rolled his eyes. "—well, excuse me for trying to lighten the mood."

"'t's not funny… and if you were a ghost, I am pretty sure dad or I would have bumped into you long before now…" Yuui chuckled and nodded in agreement while Fai furrowed his brows and studied his mirror image for a long moment.

God, did he miss Yuui…

He missed him so much it hurt, but that didn't mean he wanted him here with him right now—not like this. It didn't matter that this thing's mannerisms were perfect or that its voice was exactly how he was supposed to sound…

This was still fucked up.

"—So, either I have officially lost my mind and cooked up an imaginary friend version of my dead twin… or I am having a nightmare—"

"Nightmare? Ouch… I was being nice to you." Yuui scrunched his eyes closed and wrinkled his nose like that accusation had left a bad taste in his mouth and Fai couldn't keep his own smile at bay.

Fuck, he missed Yuui.

"Dream." Fai corrected aloud and Yuui only chuckled again and matched his brother's reluctant smile—giving up on the mock offended act in favor of reaching a hand up to brush the bangs out of his twin's face.

"You're too hard on yourself, Fai." sadness crept into that beautiful smile and Yuui watched him carefully like he always had whenever he'd been worried.

"Yeah well—as traumatizing as this is, I think I have to just let it play out." Even if this was a dream, Fai wasn't so sure that he wanted to wake up—and if he was hallucinating, then he might as well just enjoy the party.

Hopefully, hallucination Yuui was as nice as real Yuui had been. He could rock having an imaginary friend—if anything, it would only add to the list of reasons why you did not want to fuck with him.

"Do you?" Yuui questioned seriously and Fai snapped his mouth closed.

There were a few ways to take that—did he have to sit through a dream? Not really—did he have to deal with a hallucination? That would be up to whatever doctor he'd inevitably be dragged to—everything in general? Yes.

That was still his answer

For now, at least. They were not going to have another repeat of the little stunt he had pulled after killing Ryuu.

"Why are you really here?" Fai chose to change the subject before he changed his mind.

Maybe this was his subconscious trying to teach him some sort of lesson? Sure, that was a move right out of one of the trash soap operas he hadn't had time to watch in years—but maybe that worn out plot line was based in truth?

"I missed you." Yuui shrugged again and Fai felt his eyes starting to get hot.

Like anything was really that simple… Fai had never once doubted that Yuui would miss him at least as much as he missed his dearly departed brother—but that didn't help rationalize any of this.

"—But you're—" Fai let go of his hand and raised his shaking fingers up to trace along the left side of his twin's face. The skin there matched his own—flawless and unmarred by the shrapnel that had made its happy home in his brother's skull during the accident.

"Dead?" Yuui filled in the silence after almost a minute. Fai nodded and moved to hide his face in his brother's neck—tucking forward and tangling their legs together in a desperate attempt to get just a little closer as flashes of what Yuui had looked like the last time Fai had laid eyes on him played on repeat.

The unnatural bend in his neck, the blood coating the front of his body and that piece of twisted metal sticking out of his face. Thank god he didn't look like that now—he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Yuui let out a slow exhale and wrapped his twin up tightly in his chilly embrace—settling his chin on top of Fai's head and running a steady hand up and down his back like he had done so many times when they had been growing up.

Fai wanted him to say something.

Anything.

He didn't know what—there wasn't a magic phrase he was waiting to hear Yuui utter. No acceptance of his death, no absolution of guilt, no everything-happens-for-a-reason zen bullshit to make him feel better, no apology for leaving this world too soon.

Fai just wanted him to say something about it.

He was dead.

He'd died a horrible, bloody death before he'd even made it to 20. Surely, he had something to say about that? Had it really been quick and painless like the coroner had claimed? Had he understood what happened? Did he feel his body rot away? Did he even know where it was?

15 years of unanswered questions were rushing through Fai's head and he didn't know what to do about it.

After what felt like hours, Yuui did finally break the silence—but only to change the subject again and not in any direction he would have hoped for.

"So, when do I get to meet him?" Yuui batted his eyes rather innocently and flashed him a knowing smile like he was honestly excited about getting an answer to that question.

"Who?" Fai didn't actually have to wait for him to clarify—as soon as the words left his mouth it clicked as to who they were talking about.

Kurogane.

They had gone from talking about his death to…

Kurogane?

"Your safe haven?" Yuui winked at him and Fai continued to stare dumbly for a moment, prompting him to continue. "You know—big chest, cute dog, very handsome?"

Definitely Kurogane.

Fai's eyes were getting hot again, and he blinked rapidly before snaking a hand up between them to scrub at them. Yuui had always been more straightforward than Fai, and he had never been worried about cutting to the chase. Hallucination, dream or real deal, there was no point in him trying to bullshit his way out of telling the truth—and any attempt to play dumb or avoid it would only draw his twins' attention to the uncomfortable topic.

Why Kurogane of all things had to be his twin's main interest was beyond him.

Sort of...

Other than the anniversary of losing Yuui—the stupid cop and his fluffy dog were the main source of most of Fai's tears in recent weeks. Those two assholes had managed to be both the best and the worst thing to happen to him in the last decade. Kurogane had won the trophy effortlessly in both of those categories after 3 hookups…

The big jerk.

Fai could accept the call out—but did he have to call him out like that?

Those were like the two most comforting things about Kurogane—well, that and the fact that he was always warm to the touch, smelled heavenly, and had a deep calm way of speaking that just made you wanna curl up in his lap and nap the day away with him and Biggs both.

He knew that Yuui would have liked them—and thinking about how well the four of them would have gotten along made his chest ache. Yuui had always hated the guys his twin had ended up falling for—but Kurogane was right up the calmer twin's alley. Laid back, consistent, and a real gentleman.

As much as he would have loved to introduce the two of them, that just wasn't ever going to be possible. Kurogane couldn't dream with him—he sure as hell wasn't going to hallucinate this right along with him—and the real Yuui had been dead and buried for years.

Whatever this was came from some dark desperate corner of his own mind. It wasn't his twin. Even if Yuui was still alive and well today, the chances that Fai would have met the cop were slim to none—and picturing a happily ever after where he could have both of them in his life safe and sound?

Well...

He couldn't even do it.

It hurt too much for Fai to let himself daydream of things like that.

"He's not important." Fai swiped at his face again before he lowered his hand. He could tell just by looking at his brother that Yuui's bullshit meter was going off, and there was no way in hell he was buying that lie.

"Well, he did make you so late yesterday I almost thought you weren't coming… So, I think it's safe for me to assume that you're lying to yourself." Yuui pulled a move right out of Fai's own handbook and tilted his chin up to give a big goofy grin.

He really wasn't buying it.

Not that Fai was really shocked.

Kurogane mattered enough for Fai to let him go—and that meant the blond had been trying to shove his feelings for the cop aside for weeks. Not that that had done him any good, mind you—he was going to need to do more than ignore the problem if he didn't want to wander over to his house again in a drug and alcohol induced craze.

"He's safer without me around." That was more truthful—and not something as easily refuted. Kurogane couldn't be important to him because that came with a target on his back.

Yuui leaned back and looked him over skeptically—he wasn't buying that either, apparently. Fai couldn't do a whole hell of a lot about facts—and facts outweighed feelings.

Yuui was trying to find the best way to word whatever opinion he had on the matter if the way he was chewing his lip was any indication. Which meant that Fai should brace himself for hearing something he wasn't going to like… Yuui wasn't an asshole by anyone's standards, but that didn't mean he'd let his brother get away with something he didn't think was right.

That or this dream, trip—whatever—was about to go sideways like they tended to do. Either way, Fai felt his jaw tighten as he studied his brother's expressions for any hints as to what he might be thinking.

"You're not really afraid of him getting hurt, though, are you?" Yuui snuck both his hands up to cup Fai's cheeks—both to swipe the residual tear stains away with his thumbs and prevent Fai from going anywhere. "Not that anyone could really blame you after what Tatsuo did to you—but you and I both know that you're fully capable of protecting him if you really wanted to."

Fai opened his mouth to answer but quickly snapped it closed again as he repeated those words again in his head a few times.

That was—well—there was a lot to process in that statement. Never mind that Yuui called him out on being the selfish bastard that he was—Kurogane couldn't really hurt Fai unless the blond gave him more rope…

If he'd wanted to, the cop had had every opportunity to try and hang the blond at this point. He knew where Fai lived, knew who his parents were, and he knew that was where he needed to hit Fai if he really wanted to hurt him.

He hadn't, though—he was either smart enough to know that would be the last mistake he'd ever make—or he didn't feel the need to.

Never mind that, the risk of being Fai's lover was a very, very real one and that fact was undeniable—and Kurogane's personality and entire disposition meant that he was never going to be happy letting Fai handle danger alone.

He was childish in his world view, and he had that obnoxious sense of duty that made him a good cop and a very bad criminal. Kurogane would get himself killed—and that kind of pain was not something Fai was going to be able to tolerate after everything he had been through.

Yuui wasn't wrong that it was more than a fear for the younger man's physical safety—and he also wasn't wrong that Fai flat out refused to lose another person—but why the hell was he bringing Tatsuo up?

Real Yuui had died before Fai had even met him—so what the heck was Hallucination Yuui talking about?

What did he have to do with anything? How were these situations even remotely comparable? If the cop had wanted to pull the same shit on him Tatsuo had, then he would have done it by now.

Fai had the power in this situation. He had been the one in control through the whole affair.

Not to mention, Kurogane wasn't a raging narcissist who got a kick out of making people squirm. He wasn't a chronic alcoholic prone to fits of rage. He especially wasn't emotionally manipulative and had fallen for Fai's own games with blind trust.

Kurogane wore his heart on his sleeve in his own tough guy way—and that was why Fai had felt so safe with him. He was a safe and honest man. The biggest thing the blond had to worry about was the pain of losing him. Since the cop was such a softie, he couldn't come up with a single scenario in which Kurogane would go out of his way to hurt him on purpose.

Fai was the dangerous one, and Kurogane had a hell of a lot more to lose. He could use every tool he had to keep the cop safe—but Fai couldn't protect him from himself. Even if he kept him safe and sound from people like Reed, he couldn't do that without clipping his wings.

That was an entirely different kind of pain.

Wasted potential and failed dreams hit different.

Fai shook his head back and forth slowly, wiggling out of Yuui's grip as he did so. "I'd be the worst thing that ever happened to him—he's not dad—he's not going to be happy cooped up in the house waiting for me to get home from work."

Kurogane was either going to try and play the hero and get offed while attempting to drag Fai out of his lifestyle—or he was going to end up hating Fai for turning him into a glorified housewife.

There was no winning for either of them.

"You don't get to decide how he does or doesn't feel about you, Fai." Yuui rolled his eyes and sighed—obviously, he thought that his brother was missing the point.

He wasn't—he'd been scolded for preemptively self-sabotaging relationships in the past, before they had a chance to go south on their own… but that wasn't what he was doing.

It's not like Fai was worried Kurogane was going to cheat on him or fall out of love with him when he got old—Aside from the fact that the brute could literally get himself murdered over Fai—it just wasn't fair to make him choose between his career and Fai.

There was no guarantee they were going to work out just because Fai found Kurogane intoxicatingly comforting. He'd also been a huge fucking dick to him in the four times they had been in each other's presence—so if Kurogane did decide to embrace the yolo lifestyle and overhaul everything for Fai—he was going to regret it.

There was no way he could make Kurogane happy.

"He's too naive, so it's my job to make sure he understands that before he gets hurt." He shrugged and Yuui snorted like that was the worst excuse he had ever heard.

Fai tensed as frustration started to set in.

It was a complicated situation—and not something he should have to argue with whatever he had cooked up in his grief-stricken state. Fai knew he had bad coping skills—but he didn't think they were so bad that his own brain would lecture him for doing the right thing.

"Is it really your job or are you just that big of a control freak?" Yuui's words stung but his tone was soothing.

This wasn't the first time his twin had called him out on his bossy nature—but this time, it didn't make sense. None of this made sense. Fai didn't want to bicker about Kurogane—he didn't want his subconscious talking him out of decisions he had already committed to. Especially not when using his own grief against him to do this.

This was fucked up—and as fucked up as it was, Fai just wanted this nightmare, hallucination—or whatever the hell it was—to comfort him.

Was that too much to ask for?

"—If you let him decide that for himself, then he might just decide to stay, and god forbid you let yourself be happy for once." Fai tuned back in just as Yuui was wrapping up his lecture with a sweet smile—obviously proud of the argument he had just pitched.

Which was just ridiculous.

Kurogane had let him off easy enough after Fai had basically hyperventilated and sobbed the entire way back to his parents' house—but his overall frustration made it clear that he more or less hated Fai now.

As he should.

Kurogane was a good person—good people didn't sympathize with crime lords who murdered people, peddled women, and supplied Tokyo with pharmaceutical entertainment. Kurogane was supposed to hate Fai—Fai had done his best to make sure he understood exactly why he needed to hate him.

"That's just it—Kurogane's not gonna wanna stay." He didn't have the energy to explain all of that to Yuui.

Or whatever the hell was wearing his brother's face.

Fai hadn't always been a monster—the last time Yuui had seen him, he had just been a stupid kid a little younger than Kurogane was now. Didn't matter if somehow, this thing had known who Tatsuo was or how he had gotten himself killed… This thing was wearing Yuui's face and Fai just wasn't strong enough to confess his sins to him.

Real or not.

Yuui rolled his eyes again—obviously, he was at least as frustrated as Fai was with the back and forth squabbling—but what came out of his mouth next hurt.

"Oh, I'm sorry—I must have missed the part where you sat him down for a single honest conversation about your feelings. I'm pretty sure that you carefully manipulated him into thinking you're some criminal mastermind and not a heavily traumatized, totally exhausted idiot that never makes himself a priority."

Ouch.

Fai's breath hitched and anger washed over him as his brows furrowed.

It wasn't that fucking simple. It wasn't as simple as telling the truth—and anyone who thought otherwise could trade places with him for a minute and feel how painful it was to bottle this shit up.

Had Fai manipulated Kurogane?

Yes.

He wasn't going to feel guilty about that of all things. Out of everything he had done wrong in his life, pushing Kurogane away like he had could be counted under his good deeds. Fai would do it again given half a chance—and how DARE this thing suggest for even a moment that Fai had taken the easy way out of anything.

He wouldn't be in this fucking mess if that accident hadn't happened. He wouldn't be fucking traumatized if he hadn't seen his identical twin die. He wouldn't have dropped out of Harvard to pay fucking bills if their lives hadn't been ruined by a distracted driver.

He'd be working as an associate under their fathers right alongside his twin—it would have been hard—Ashura, Yuuko, and Tai were all excellent attorneys and wouldn't have cut the twins any slack—but he would have been able to manage that level of stress and balance a healthy love life easily enough.

Who knew if Fai still would have fucked his way through all the gay men in Tokyo until he had finally met Kurogane—but if it had worked out that way, he'd be in the position to make it work.

He sure as hell hadn't ended up as royally fucked as he had by choice.

Fai hadn't gotten a choice.

He didn't get to die and leave it to someone else—he wasn't off the hook with a permanent disability. He came out of that accident with minor injuries and was left to pick up all the broken pieces without any help. Taishakuten had been such a hot mess over Ashura—and their mother hadn't worked a day in her life at a real job—there hadn't been anyone else.

He didn't get to rest—Fai didn't get a happily ever after—he had given those things up to protect the people he loved from any more heartache.

Coming to terms with the fact that he had to let Kurogane go for the younger man's own good had almost killed him. Realizing that he had run to the cop after a nightmare had ripped those barely healed wounds open again—and he didn't have the fucking energy to sew them back up.

Fai's teeth were clenched so tight his temples started pulsing. His mind was racing a mile a minute and he shouldn't have snapped—he regretted it as soon as he started to speak.

"It's not like I chose to be this way, you know—if you hadn't—" an icy hand on his shoulder caused Fai to just about jump out of his skin. Whipping his head around as he skittered back across the bed, Fai was caught off guard as he registered who was kneeling next to the bed and watching him with sharp eyes.

He wasn't sure what he shouted at Taishakuten, but it certainly wasn't very nice and loud enough it hurt Fai's own ears—by the time his mind caught up with the here and now, his stepdad was asking him something he didn't quite catch as it clicked that they were the only two people left in the room.

Yuui had disappeared.

Whatever that had been—it had looked like his sweet brother—and after 15 years of wishing he could see his twin's face again—Fai had left the conversation off by yelling at him…

Perfect.

"What?" he snapped back when Tai repeated the question for the second time and reached out a hand in an attempt to get a feel at his stepson's sweaty forehead.

"—didn't mean to scare you—" Fai batted the man's hands away and double checked the room one more time as he cut him off again.

He shouldn't have gotten angry—he shouldn't have shouted at Yuui no matter how badly his feelings had been hurt.

"Then maybe don't fucking touch me." Fai was aware somewhere in the back of his mind that he was being an asshole—not on purpose—Taishakuten had honestly scared the shit outta him. "I'm fine."

"Sure you are." Tai didn't have a big bandwidth when it came to either of his step kids' bratty attitudes and seemed to get the picture that Fai needed space. "—if you're feeling so good, then get your ass downstairs and eat the meal your father cooked you. He's worried sick about you."

"Right…" Reality started to register again, and Fai scrubbed at his face with both of his hands in an attempt to ground himself more.

It had been a dream.

Had to have been.

Right?

"—I'll be down."

"I'll tell 'em to wait. Do everyone a favor and shower—you look like shit." Tai got to his feet and didn't wait for Fai to answer before he headed for the door—thankfully knowing enough to leave it open without being asked.

It was just a dream.

Just a dream.

A shitty dream.

Everything was going to be ok—Fai hadn't actually yelled at Yuui—he just had way too much on his mind and his brain was trying to work through it while he was unconscious. Happened all the time—he was used to nightmares.

Fai put two feet on the floor and reached for the bottle of water Ashura had brought in for him last night, and downed the entire thing while he took a mental inventory of just how shitty he was actually feeling.

It was hard to focus his fuzzy thoughts past the almost crippling exhaustion, but the building buzz of anxiety over fixing his most recent fuck ups was more than enough to motivate him into moving. The room felt freezing to Fai—but he knew if he cared enough to take his temp he'd be running hot. The shakes were a fun addition—and when you added in the way his body was aching and his skin was practically crawling—the general shittyness of it all made a lot of sense.

Withdrawal.

The cocaine craving was about as bad as he could recall within recent memory and that meant that he needed to get his ass to work before this got any worse.

Hell, it was already bad enough that he was starting to not trust himself to sit in this room alone any longer—and he couldn't afford any more dramatics before his family had him involuntarily committed—or the fact they hadn't become a permanent regret.

Self-hate might not be an official symptom of accidental sobriety—but it was one of Fai's few talents. And he had been on top of his game there lately.

Boy, had he fucked up.

Not only had he slept through the anniversary of his identical twin's death—but Fai couldn't even claim that it had been an accident. There was no mystery involved when it came to how he had ended up fucked up enough to wake up on the other side of Tokyo, curled in his ex-lover's bed, hogging his dog and totally unaware of how late in the day it was—let alone what day it was.

It wasn't like Fai didn't know what happened when you mixed whisky and sleeping pills. It also hadn't been his first multi-day bender he had ended with that cocktail. If they were being honest, it wasn't even his second or third. Every time he was dumb enough to go multiple days without sleep, he always ended up fucking himself over in some new, creative, and highly destructive way. It was past time to cut that shit out.

Fai had been fully aware of the consequences. He had just decided they didn't really matter—and that right there, friends, was the fucking problem. He was lucky that things hadn't been worse.

As lovely as that sounded, Fai was still able to scrape together a few reasons to stick around for the time being—and that meant he needed to tone the risky behaviors down before it more than bit him in the ass.

Sure, he owed a few uncomfortable apologies—but an honest promise to cut the drinking and implement some sort of a sleep schedule was going to need to start today. It was time to start making up for his shitty behavior and Fai knew he was going to need a plan ready to pitch when he got downstairs and faced his family.

They were furious and he couldn't blame them.

Fai had skulked into the house well past 10pm and gone straight up to his childhood bedroom to hide in the dark. No apology. No explanation. Not even a single assurance that he was ok.

Overwhelmed would have been an understatement—the panic that hit Fai when he realized what had happened zapped what little energy he had managed to regain from hibernating the day away in Kurogane's bed. The fact that the cop hadn't given a flying fuck about his 'excuse' at first hadn't helped—by the time Fai had finally made it home, he hadn't been able to do anything but hide.

Hadn't even had the mental energy to process it, apparently—if it had bugged him bad enough to cause that fucked up dream.

Not that the dream had answered any questions for him—Fai still had mixed feelings about the whole Kurogane fiasco. He couldn't really blame the cop acting the way he had anymore than he could blame his family. All things considered, he had still been extremely understanding of the situation—even if he did a good bit of huffing and puffing before he agreed to let him go.

Understanding—

Or maybe just desperate to get the crazy man out of his house.

Fai couldn't be sure of Kurogane's intentions, but the cop had packed him up and dropped him back off at home, nonetheless, and that's what mattered at the end of the day. Not getting thrown in jail was a big bonus, after all. Fai had been expecting a scorched earth mentality from the younger man should they ever accidentally bump into each other—especially given how they had parted.

He really had chosen to do it in the shittiest way possible—and Fai didn't deserve any understanding or empathy from the cop. He almost wished that Kurogane hadn't shown him all that cranky kindness because there was a lot to read into when it came to his motivations.

They didn't make sense, and that was just one more thing Fai was going to need to fix. Right now, there were more pressing matters he needed to deal with—and that started with going into work and shaking things off. The blond knew how to get his head back on straight—he just had to somehow get his arms and legs up and running, get downstairs, deal with his family—crawl to his car—drive to work without smashing into anything—and get to Seishiro.

He would have to follow up with Hisui on the issue over at the warehouse—come up with a plan to switch gears and focus the bulk of the ring's resources on weeding out Reed before he dug himself in any deeper in Tokyo—and probably fill some of his people in on the Kurogane situation…

Should be easy, right?

Wasn't overwhelming at all.

Wiping a stray tear off his cheek impatiently, Fai drew in a shaky breath as a wave of anger swept over him. He was just so fucking tired, and the overwhelming feeling that this just wasn't fair—that things were not supposed to be this fucked up—was absolutely suffocating.

He'd handled more in the past.

It just seemed bigger than it really was—it seemed harder than it really was—and things would calm down again when he had it handled finally. Fai could go back to focusing on the café—the food critic had come and gone while he had been tied up with the OD and ensuing shitstorm that immediately followed.

Even without Fai there to help, Toya had earned them a glowing review and even though Fai hadn't had a second to congratulate the staff on all of their hard work just yet—the uptick in foot traffic was already showing in the increased revenue.

The sooner he got things righted with his criminal enterprise—the sooner he could go back to spending mornings at Neko No Me and pretending he had a semi-normal life. Things might seem hopeless right now—but they weren't always going to be this miserable and Fai could tolerate it a few months easy.

Right now, he was just shaken up. Especially after that dream.

Well—

He really hoped it was a dream. Fai might be a vivid dreamer, but that had been eerily realistic even to him. The fact that he wasn't able to stop looking around the room for his twin was only making him feel worse.

It sucked—but it was gonna be ok. The first step to feeling better was going to have to be getting his ass outta Yuui's bed and facing his family.

While his adoptive father's worry always tore him up a bit, Fai was so emotionally exhausted that he was almost confident that he didn't have the capacity to feel much worse than he currently did. Tai would likely just have his usual distant hard ass approach—only stepping up if Ashura was beside himself in the handling of whatever issue they were assuming Fai had.

Who knew what they thought had happened to him.

He had been so careful to keep his drug use unnoticed by the two of them—to the point that he had even stopped using at home—or being at the house when he was high. Fai didn't want to worry them anymore than he already had after his last panic attack… and Tai at least was suspicious, given what he had had hiding in his safe.

All of that was gone and out of the house by now—and as far as Tai knew—Fai had followed all the rules of their little deal, and was seeking help for his emotional overwhelm.

He couldn't really consider Seishiro a therapist… buuuuuut he was in a way medicating for his issues, so it counted, right?

Turning to bury his face in the pillow, Fai took a deep breath and found comfort in the scent even though Yuui's smell had long since faded. While this room had sat empty since the day Fai and Yuui had left for college—Ashura came in to change the bedding and clean regularly, so both he beds always smelled like fresh laundry and fabric softener.

As much as he appreciated that his father kept the space livable so Fai could have a place to grieve when he needed to—everything being clean and dust free created the painful illusion that nothing had changed even after all of these years.

One of his Yuui's notebooks was left untouched on his desk—still opened to the half-finished doodle his twin had started while they had waited for Ashura to finish triple checking their bags before their flight to the US—their closet door was still open and their clothes still hanging as though the boys would be back to wear them soon.

Old school uniforms, costumes from drama club, and clothes Fai and Yuui had decided to leave there for when they would inevitably visit home were really what gave away the sheer number of years that had ticked by. The 10-year reunion for their graduating class had come and gone already—but their room still remained untouched.

Saying goodbye was always the hardest part, but after a dream like that, Fai didn't really feel like lingering. Even though his vision dotted black and his ears went a little fuzzy, Fai didn't wait to make a quick exit and head up the hall to his room.

He was going to have to go into the office tonight and that meant he needed to look as put together as humanly possible. The good news was, Fai was a master at fake it till you make it and playing it cool while juggling withdrawal at this point, so even though today was going to suck—he was ready to get it over with.

When you felt this shitty, you couldn't focus too much on it and Fai was just as well accustomed to powering through. Falling back into routines would help him get back to feeling more grounded—and it would comfort his family more if he didn't look like a day old roadkill when he went down to apologize.

Snagging his best Valentino from the closet, he paired it with a matching mountbatten pink and blackberry Tom Ford shirt and tie combo that he was hoping would help him look less washed out. Laying everything out on the bed, he grabbed his bathrobe and got hot on transforming from walking corpse to The Fai Flourite.

With the water turned as high as it would go, Fai managed not to judge himself too hard as he scowled at his reflection in the mirror.

He barely recognized himself.

Kurogane had lent him clothes again, and an odd emotion washed over him as he looked at the way they hung off his body. Even though Fai had been wearing them since last night, the clothes had yet to lose Kuro's comforting scent.

Rather than tossing it onto the floor, Fai held the shirt out in front of him and examined it a little closer. The blond didn't know if he should laugh or roll his eyes as he spotted the Tokyo PD sigale on one of the sleeves—as much as he doubted that Kurogane had done more than snag whatever shirt was easiest—the irony of it all wasn't lost to him.

Fai brought the shirt up to his nose and closed his eyes for a moment as he just enjoyed the smell. He was going to have to remember to give this back to the cop when he set the record straight, which meant that he was going to have to wash them.

While normally Ashura did all of the laundry—he didn't really want to let on to what had really happened last night. There was no way that man was going to miss the logo—and there was no way he wasn't going to know exactly how Fai had acquired the shirt. Since he had been attempting to convince them for weeks that he had gotten over the whole 'Kurogane thing', the last thing he needed was to admit that he had missed the anniversary of his twin's death to pull the stunt that he had.

Folding the shirt and then the pajama bottoms neatly, Fai left them on the side of the bathroom sink and hopped in the shower. It didn't matter how high he turned the water or how busy he kept his hands while he hurried through his routine—Fai's mind was racing almost as fast as his pulse had been since Tai had startled him.

He wasn't sure how many times he had to tell himself he was ok—everything was going to work out—it just seemed worse than it was—but Fai was failing to convince himself that any of that was true.

Eventually, the feeling of panic became so overwhelming that Fai was left sitting on the floor of the shower with his knees pulled up to his chest, his eyes scrunched closed as he wracked his brain for one of the breathing exercises he knew—or anything that might help him settle down.

Subaru had taught him a handful over the years—they usually worked pretty well—but with his head only interested in screaming about how much he should find Seishiro and get some relief… all that came to mind was 10 seconds in—10 seconds out.

It didn't help with any of the tightness in his chest—it didn't help him to stop trembling—it didn't make him feel any warmer or like he had any more energy… but when he was counting carefully to ten, then back down again in reverse—he mentally had a moment of just that.

Counting.

No impending doom—no falling sky—no family drama—no heartbreak.

Just counting.

Counting wasn't complicated. It wasn't hard. It wasn't overwhelming.

Not a magic fix, but it helped enough that he was eventually able to finish up and towel off before heading back to his room, Kurogane's clothing clutched tightly to his chest as he did so.

While he had closed his bedroom as he did every time he left, when Fai returned, the door was left ajar and the light was on again. Of course his anxiety spiked again at the thought that someone might be waiting in there for him—but Fai found himself rolling his eyes at the sight of a RedBull and a large pink sticky note on the nightstand.

The words 'love auntie' were scribbled in gold glitter ink and punctuated with a lipstick mark—and the can was sitting next to a stack of rehab pamphlets.

Lovely.

Fai left the pamphlets where they were—the obviously staged photographs that decorated the cover were meant to convey hope—but really they just reminded Fai how annoying the entire process was… all the fake positivity, making lists, offering amends and bullshit mantras…

He knew he had a problem—but Fai was nothing like most of the people in those places… The last time Yuuko had forced him to go had been a little over two years ago—which had been the last time work had gotten the better of him… Old contacts had caused him a whole heap of trouble, and Yuuko had not liked how he had taken to leaning on stimulants to get through the long hours…

Fai had gone, sobered up, smiled for the doctors, joked with the patients, and ended right back where he was and then some.

Emphasis on the 'and then some'…

His habits had only gotten worse over the last two years. All of them… The insomnia, the sex, the drugs, the drinking, and the general level of drama that seemed to smack him in the face around every corner.

The time before that had been after he had taken care of Tatsuo, and Fai had checked himself in. Partially because he could not process what he had actually managed to do to the bastard—but mostly because he didn't want to be like Tatsuo had been…

Drunk or high more often than not…

So much for that, right?

Now wasn't the time to beat himself up about it—Fai could feel sorry for himself later.

Right now, he had shit to take care of and the sight of his phone sitting on the pillow was a welcome distraction. It was almost dead—but it could sit on the charger while he ate dinner and patched things up with Ashura.

Settling down on the side of the bed, Fai checked for anything that might be an emergency—and counted it a blessing that he was greeted with mostly normal, everyday, manageable problems.

Aside from a text from Hisui asking if he was ok—There wasn't anything that couldn't wait until he actually got to the office. Shooting off a quick response confirming he wasn't dead or dying—Fai scrolled on down to the last message he had sent Seishiro asking for him to stop by Kurōbā before the end of the night.

They were going to need to have a chat.

A chat that Fai had been putting off for a few weeks in hopes that the issue would resolve itself—and a chat that the enforcer was probably not going to like.

The two of them had a nice working arrangement—if Fai didn't step on Seishiro's toes any more than absolutely necessary—Seishiro would use his experience and connections to help Fai in his business affairs.

This had been a deal between them since Fai had first showed up at the older man's penthouse asking for a job—through Fai facilitating the coup that landed him in his current position of power—over the last decade of boom or bust, all-or-nothing crisis management that had maintained order in the Tokyo underground.

The constant push and pull between the two of them was a practiced dance—and Fai preferred to react to Seishiro's games rather than push him past predictability. While he was usually pretty good at guessing when things were going to go sideways—he didn't have a good track record with understanding what was and was not worth landing on the older man's shit list.

Given how badly Fai had panicked after reminding his flock why crossing him would be the very last mistake they would ever make—he hadn't been too keen on playing games with Seishiro.

Not even the ones Fai carefully constructed to suit his own agenda.

Seishiro had more or less been left to do whatever the hell he felt like—and while he'd never really had a habit of getting himself in any sort of trouble now that he had Subaru by his side—he was a hell of a lot more useful to Fai when he was following orders instead of making his own decisions.

Brute force and pure intimidation hadn't managed to find their missing friend yet—and that was really the only way Seishiro did things unless nudged in another direction. Fai didn't usually care how a job got done as long as it was done by the end of the day… but they were well past that now and they couldn't afford to let it go much longer.

Neither of them, really—meaning Seishiro was going to have to do it Fai's way now—like it or not—and that meant having to step on any and every toe necessary until the situation was resolved to his satisfaction. He had no way of knowing how well that was going to go down—but if he kept sitting on his ass instead of making a move, things were only going to get worse.

Fai really hadn't been expecting for Seishiro to message him back almost immediately. He didn't have much to say—but the blond was used to waiting around for a response from the older man and be it anxiety over the pending confrontation that needed to happen—or just a gut feeling—Fai didn't like it.

There was no point in trying to figure out why he might be responding so quickly—Fai wouldn't be able to really feel anything out until they were face to face either way and everyone was waiting on him downstairs.

There was one last thing he needed to take care of—a meeting request with Kokuyo to chat about something personal. Fai didn't remember much of his last night at work after he started drinking, but the slightly uncomfortable little chat he had had with the 3 rd floor manager was pretty clear in his memory.

That dream—nightmare, maybe hallucination—was starting to scare the shit out of him and there weren't many people Fai was comfortable going to for help when it came to overdoing it.

He wasn't scared enough to get sober—but that didn't mean he could ignore what had happened. The way Tai had looked at him like he had honestly lost his mind had Fai wondering if he had been talking to himself—or at least talking in his sleep.

When Fai had met Kokuyo, it was before he had gotten sober and he was the only person Fai knew who had managed to stay sober while working around drugs and alcohol every day.

He'd been the one sent to check up on Fai because he had been where Fai was now more than once—and unlike Subaru or Yuuko—he never came at his boss with the intention of getting him sober.

Just making sure he didn't get himself killed before he was ready to take the plunge.

If anyone knew what the hell that dream had been about—Kokuyo would know—and he'd keep the fact that Fai had asked to himself.

As soon as the meeting request went through, Fai cracked the can of RedBull open and finished it off in one go. It wasn't going to curb his cravings but with any luck, it would help his eyes feel a little less heavy as he got dressed and emotionally prepared to put on a mentally stable mask before heading downstairs.

The thought of food actually made him a bit queasy—but a few bites of whatever his father had made would do him good. The conversation was going to be uncomfortable, but it was best to just get it over before it got out of hand.

Fai knew his father better than anyone. He was well aware of how to redirect his worry and sooth any doubts he might have—and that if he put it off too long, Ashura and Taishakuten were eventually going to get wise to what was really going on.

As much as he wanted to just sneak out the front door unnoticed to avoid it all together—after getting dressed, Fai found himself taking a few more deep breaths before heading downstairs with his shoulders squared and an easy smile on his face—and he managed to maintain that right up until he actually got into the kitchen.

He had not been expecting to see the entire family sitting quietly around the table waiting for him.

This was a big no-way-in-hell moment for the blond—and if not for the look on Ashura's face when their eyes finally locked—Fai would have kept on going right past the table and out into the garage.

He must have managed to upset everyone way more than he had originally thought.

Just his luck.

Fuck.

The fact that Fai honestly couldn't remember the last time they had all sat down to have a meal together didn't help the rush of messy emotions he felt—and maintaining that easy-going vibe was almost impossible as he awkwardly waved at everyone.

Their house had always been the gathering place. Both because Ashura loved to entertain, and because they had more than enough space to comfortably host everyone.

Ash was living with Sashi now and Fai was working more than usual. Yuuko came over for drinks or general shenanigans with Ashura a few times a month—but her husband Clow was more often than not overseas these days with his assistant.

Panic started to bubble up in his stomach again and it wasn't because Fai didn't love every single one of them. He was in full withdrawal, though. Even if cocaine withdrawal was more psychological than physical when compared to some other things he could be on… it still was not an easy thing to fake well over.

This was too much even for Fai's acting skills and he did not like the intervention vibes he was getting from everyone in the room. As soon as he had made it through the doorway into view, everything stopped. The looks he got were worried—annoyed—or a good mixture of both.

Ashura was the first to break the silence with a quiet command to join them for dinner accompanied by a perfectly emotionless smile and a glance at his usual seat that already had a place set for him.

He didn't dare disobey.

Fai made a show of cooing over the smells wafting up from the sizable spread of traditional dishes—quite a few of them being favorites from his childhood—as he slipped into the seat just to the right of his father.

Ashura's smile and inviting words were mostly for show—Fai knew that tone—it meant that he had in fact crossed a line somewhere and his father was not amused. He was doing his best not to act on emotion, which meant that Fai's little stunt was not going to be easily forgiven—and likely never forgotten.

Ashura always became detached when he was upset and Fai couldn't stand it—he would rather get screamed at and get it over with. While Sashi had never had an issue ripping into the twins when they misbehaved—Ashura had never once raised his voice to them.

No matter what they broke, what they got caught doing, or how much trouble they got into… You could always trust that their father would sit them down for a painfully emotionless lecture that just shattered your heart into a million pieces. Only after hours to weeks of being subjected to the silent treatment, of course—the duration of which was wholly dependent on how bad the fuck up really was.

It didn't matter that he was sitting in a room full of adults—and was in fact old enough to be considered middle aged, himself—he felt like a scolded little boy as his father looked him over without a whisper of emotion on his elegant features.

Fai really hated being scolded.

A few beats passed and the heavy silence continued. The longer it lasted, the more tempted he was to just fake a work emergency to leave. He just didn't have the energy to deal with this right now.

Everyone would be pissy with him for pulling that kind of a brat move—but it wasn't like they expected much better of him. Fai never did well when cornered and this little dinner ambush had cornered-into-a-talk-you-don't-want-to-have written all over it.

He could bolt and sneak back in once everyone had left to talk things out with Ashura and Taishakuten… Yuuko would be soothed with a phone call—Sashi could go fuck herself. Ash would hold it against him until hell froze over—but—given how shitty his luck was? that might be as soon as tomorrow.

"Fai." Ashura said his name sternly and quirked a brow at the blond who was very obviously eyeing the door. "Spend some time with us. No one is angry."

Riiiiight.

No way that wasn't a lie.

"We just missed you." Yuuko cooed over the table and drew everyone's attention away from her nephew's increasingly bright smile—giving Fai a second to school his features into a more relaxed presentation.

That didn't sound any more truthful than the lie Ashura had just thrown at him—but if everyone was intent on playing happy family, he could tolerate it for an hour or so if he really put his mind to it.

"Apparently, there is a lot of catching up for us all to do." Sashi chimed in as she flashed Fai a brilliant smile. Her sickeningly sweet voice did not agree with his sensitive ears, and his general opinion of his adoptive mother made him hardly able to ignore the urge to roll his eyes. "—Your father tells me that you have been under too much stress."

Still no eye roll—but Fai flashed her a tightlipped smile and looked back at his adoptive father. Ashura and Yuuko were exchanging glances—and he chose to focus on his tea rather than his son.

Fai was back to looking at the garage door almost desperately when he caught Ash's annoyed sigh. For the first time since Fai had sat down, his younger brother set his cell down after furiously typing away and locked eyes with his older brother.

Ash was a curious mixture of their parents… as their only blooded child, he looked like Ashura's mirror image but had somehow ended up with their mother's…. lovely... bitchy, entitled attitude…

"This is bullshit. Just tell him."

"Ash." Sashi scolded and Fai caught the tail end of a glance from their father that very much screamed of sit-down-shut-up.

That only ruffled the teen further. No one could deny that there was a huge difference in the way the adopted and bio kid were treated in the household.

Mainly due to the fact that Fai had a good 14 years on his younger brother—and it was easy to forget that he was an emotionally healthy and well-balanced kid more often than not. His brother's self-centered, immature attitude was closer to healthy than Fai's wiser than his years, overachieving people pleaser mentality.

The good news was that Ash having a meltdown was always a drama fest—meaning Fai could excuse himself from the situation quickly if that happened. He didn't make a habit of using his sibling to get out of family time… but it had worked for him before.

Just a little nudge in the right direction and dinner would be more or less ruined for all parties involved.

Fai let his smile fall off his face and focused his attention on Ash who had snapped his mouth closed again but was glaring back at their father. The bad energy between those two was going to reach a breaking point sooner rather than later.

Might as well get it out of the way, right?

"Why don't you tell me?" Fai suggested innocently while his father and brother continued their staring contest. Secrets never lasted long when his little brother was involved, thankfully, but there was enough tension in the room over the supposed secret that you could almost cut it with a knife.

Ashura raised an eyebrow as if daring his younger son to disobey him and that was just too much for his rebellious nature to handle. Ash broke the stare off and batted his big gold eyes at Fai and shrugged.

"Dad is pissed at Yuuko and Taishakuten because they think you're a drug addict."

Oh.

Was Fai surprised?

Oh yeah—he was expecting to be called out for the seriously rude and disrespectful way he had ghosted his family on the anniversary of his twin's death, but not this.

Should Fai be surprised?

Nope…

He should have seen this coming from a mile away, but that didn't make the simple sentence any less a punch in the gut that his already nauseated stomach didn't need. It wasn't that Fai had been called out on the very obvious red flags he had basically taped to his forehead—the only way he could make it more clear that he had a problem would be to snort a couple of fat lines right off the dinner table in front of everyone.

No—it was the fact that his father was this pissed at his husband and best friend for pointing out the obvious because he had always, and would always, only see the best in his son.

Ouch.

Fai was sitting next to him at the dinner table in full blown withdrawal—and the man that had raised him trusted him so much that he was honestly upset at Yuuko and Tai for telling the truth. There was no good way to handle this kind of situation.

Fai could tell the truth and break his father's trust for the first time in his life… or lie and damage Yuuko and Tai's relationship with him. Ashura had never once caught him in a lie—and as far as he was concerned, Fai was as honest as they came.

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The awkward laugh that poured out of his mouth was involuntary. He was not high enough to deal with this shit right now and his mind was racing a mile a minute. Fai wasn't able to string together a single sentence in his own defense and that tiny stumble in his act was more than enough to distract Ashura from how angry he had been at Ash for blurting that out.

Instead of Ash's defiance of his father being the main event, Fai was left with everyone at the table staring at him as the panic continued to rise higher and higher. The longer the silence went on, the harder it was going to be to worm his way out of this.

It shouldn't be that hard to come up with a lie, right?

Fai had been covering up his little habit for years and had a stash of excuses saved up for this sort of situation, but for the life of him he wasn't able to come up with a single one of them. All coherent logical thought was blocked out by that crushing fear of what his father's reaction was going to be when he found out the truth.

Fai couldn't handle that.

He absolutely couldn't handle any of the scenarios that flashed through his head, fueled on by the childish insecurities that had been buried for years and were now screaming at the top of their awful little lungs.

What was Fai going to do now that Ashura hated him? Before Ashura, Fai had only had Yuui—but now that his twin was gone, if Ashura hated him he was going to be truly alone for the first time in his life.

That wasn't a life he could live—Fai NEEDED his dad.

It wasn't like Ashura wasn't allowed to react—Fai deserved all the fury and hate the man could throw his way for all of the lies and terrible things he had done over the years. That didn't mean Fai was going to be able to pick up the pieces when the illusion shattered… He didn't deserve Ashura—he didn't deserve any of the kindness the man had ever shown him, but Fai depended on it.

What was he going to do?

He needed to fix this.

This absolutely couldn't happen today.

Not like this.

He needed to fix this now.

"—Fai—" Ashura's sharp golden gaze melted as he looked at his older son with compassion he hadn't earned and didn't deserve.

Fai didn't want to know what he was going to say—he couldn't stand to hear whatever it was Ashura was thinking, so without even thinking, he cut the man off with the absolute worst explanation anyone could have chosen.

The truth.

"—I know I've been drinking more than usual but you have it all wrong—I got really upset and stopped by Kurogane's on my way home to get a hug and ended up falling asleep because I was so relaxed."

Well—sorta the truth—not the version of the truth that would have served him best by any means and Fai had never regretted saying anything in front of his family as much as he had that.

Not because that in and of itself would have been a huge thing to talk to his dad about.

It was because Ashura, Tai, and Ash had convinced themselves that Kurogane had used Fai for a quick fuck, then broke his heart—he had promised Yuuko he wasn't going to see the cop again—and his mother had no clue he was gay.

Not that he had any shame about his preference in taking it up the ass from handsome men like Kurogane—his mother was just—well, his mother. So it didn't matter that he was a grown man now—It didn't matter that Fai had more or less disowned the woman—she would always be his mother and that meant that she could hurt him in a way that few people could.

More old feelings came rushing up and it was just more fuel dumped onto the fire.

Every night Fai had been kept up listening to Sashi scream at Ashura about how she was going to take the kids with her back to her parent's home so that he didn't 'turn' them gay. The thought of being uprooted and taken away from the only adult he trusted had scared the shit out of him then—and he had been careful to always avoid any discussion of his love life with her to prevent his mother from starting any shit over it.

Sashi might be his mother—but the second she had gotten bored of playing mommy to them, she had turned the twins into weapons against their father. Ashura getting verbally attacked by his ex-wife wasn't as scary as the possible reactions to finding out his son was an addict, sure—but Fai didn't want that anymore than he wanted to disappoint Ashura.

This had to be Karma's way of slapping some sense into him for trying to make his little brother upset to get out of an uncomfortable talk.

"Wait—" Yuuko looked utterly confused—he couldn't really blame her—Fai wasn't really the seek comfort from an ex kinda guy. He wasn't really a seek comfort in general kind of person, and Fai knew for a fact that none of them suspected that was what he had been up to.

Fai himself had been all colors of confused when Kurogane had explained how he'd shown up in the middle of the night after a supposed nightmare that he didn't even remember.

"—Isn't Kurogane the fellow that Taishakuten had to cut the handcuffs off of after you tied him to your bed and lost the key?" Confusion turned into an odd mixture of amusement and relief, and she raised her wine to her lips to sip.

That might have started out as a genuine question, but as soon as the word handcuff left her mouth, Fai, Ashura and Taishakuten's slightly mortified expressions told her everything she needed to know.

Whether she was helping Fai steer the conversation away from having to admit to being an addict in front of the entire family—or was just unaware of the fact that Fai was still in the closet when it came to his mother was anyone's guess. At least the conversation had been successfully deterred from his drug use, right?

"That's the one…" Fai sighed and shifted to playing the roll of caught-red-handed while everyone processed that information.

Ashura visibly relaxed—the tension leaving his body causing his shoulders to sag as he shook his head slowly back and forth. Taishakuten was watching Fai with sharp eyes—not buying a word of it while simultaneously being aware that things were about to get very loud very fast—and his mother was looking at Yuuko like she had sprouted a second head.

The good news was Sashi was an even better distraction then Ash when she was mad—but Ashura was usually the target of that rage, and he always got over arguments with his youngest faster than with his ex-wife.

She knew how to hit him where it hurt better than anyone in the room. After 21 years of marriage, she knew every soft spot the poor man possessed and had no reservations when it came to lashing out and pointing fingers.

Ashura always let Fai hide when Sashi lost her shit—and he would probably be met at the door at the end of the night with cocoa and a hug—totally off the hook for all of his recent bad choices. That was going to make the blond feel pretty shitty about leaving his dad to clean up his mess, but it wasn't like Fai had many options.

He would really have to make things up to his dad after tonight. The stakes were so high at work that it wasn't going to be easy to make time—but Fai needed to prioritize it if the conversation was going to get as ugly as he expected it to.

Yuuko had apparently already realized her mistake and flashed him an apologetic smile before downing the rest of her wine and looking away. Even Clow, who had until now been sitting rather uncomfortably in silence next to his wife, could tell that shit was about to go down.

At least it was easy for Fai to slip into a better mindset when his mother turned to look at him with a tight smile before finally opening her mouth. "Kurogane is an awfully unusual name for a girl. Why didn't you tell me you were seeing anyone, dear?"

He might have mommy issues up the wazoo—but unlike the desperate need for his father's approval and emotional security that came along with the constant reassurance that his father needed him almost as much as he needed Ashura—Fai had a very different kind of reaction to any sort of rejection from his mother.

He had gotten over the fact that her love was conditional many years ago—that didn't mean Fai wasn't still affected by it. Rather than desperately trying to win her approval by appearing perfect, he fell into the childish habit of making her look like the bad guy by swiping the victim card the first chance he got.

Was it manipulative, immature, and petty?

Hell yes—but it served her right.

His sexuality was only a big deal because she was going to make it one. Sashi was going to use something that had absolutely no effect on her life to build her victim complex for the sole purpose of making everyone as miserable as she was.

The bigger her reaction, the faster she was going to get thrown out. If he was lucky, Fai might just make her say something so terrible that she would never be allowed in their home again—or she may just decide to cut Fai and Ashura out of her life all together—which would be a real treat.

Fai found himself with all eyes on him again, but this time, he didn't mind because he was about to make lemons into lemonade and get the hell out of here and on with the night.

"Kurogane is a very strange name for a girl." Fai agreed surprisingly cordially—schooling his expression to be neutral and reserved while giving his mother his full attention.

Ashura was the first one at the table able to see through his bullshit, and Fai heard him mutter under his breath in Hindi as he rubbed at his temples—likely already preparing for the ensuing nightmare he was going to have to deal with. Yuuko was the next to catch on to the petty glint in Fai's blue eyes and she reached over to pat her confused husband's knee before refilling her glass with more wine.

"Oh Beta, why didn't you tell me you'd finally met someone special?" Sashi cooed and Fai almost felt guilty.

She hadn't used that term of endearment in years—and while the significance of it went right over Tai, Yuuko, and Clow's heads—Ash and Ashura didn't do a very good job of not looking shocked. After Fai had told her to more or less go fuck herself after she had run off with his little brother while his father was in a coma and missed her own son's funeral—in those exact words—their relationship had been tumultuous on the best of days.

"Oh it's not quite like that, I'm afraid." Fai made a show of smiling down at his hands in a show of reluctance.

To Sashi it no doubt appeared that he was unused to speaking of such intimate things with his mother given the rift between them—to everyone else it likely appeared Fai was simply dancing around the fact that Kurogane—in fact—had a big ol' dick and was as far from feminine as you could really get.

It was really a shame that Fai had left his phone upstairs on the charger… Showing his mother a photo of the handsome brute—preferably one of the cute selfies they had gotten with Biggs after Fai had dropped Kurogane back off at his apartment, would have been perfectly terrible. He couldn't remember if you could see the metal bands of the handcuffs still attached to his wrists or not—but that would only be a bonus.

Actually—the photo they had snapped on Kurogane's phone that morning in bed—still mostly undressed and covered in love bites would have been best, but Fai had forgotten to ask for a copy of that photo before he had blocked him.

That was a double shame—especially because he didn't get to ask about the reactions the photo had received…

The coy smile that crept its way onto his lips at recalling how wonderful that entire experience had been only helped his case, and his mother was visibly excited at the news that Fai had someone in his life that might be a future daughter-in-law.

Photo or no—when Fai let her in on the big secret, she was going to lose it.

"What do you mean it's not like this?" Sashi scolded. "What have I told you about fibbing to me, Beta—how are you going to tell your mother 'it's not like this' and then smile like this person has hung the moon?"

Now that stung a bit—not because Sashi was demanding more details—but because that pretty much summed up why he was so drawn to the stupid cop. He had somehow managed to become the one thing Fai craved when he felt overwhelmed—and the comfort he provided was like seeing the moon peek out on a cloudy night.

Everything got a little brighter and suddenly there was less to be afraid of.

Fai let the silence hang for a moment and ignored how hot his eyes were suddenly feeling. He tried to come up with a way to parrot the previous line of bullshit he had fed his fathers when they had asked why Fai wasn't going to keep seeing Kurogane any longer.

They had pinned his 'panic attack' on Fai's reaction to getting dumped by the cop despite his best efforts—it wasn't like he could really give them the rest of the pieces to the puzzle, after all—and people only understood general stress so much.

Yuuko knew a good deal more, but she wasn't going to out Fai in front of everyone. She had also soothed both Ashura and Taishakuten's nerves as to his mental state by blaming it on Kurogane—though she had done a better job of explaining that Kurogane hadn't actually done anything mean to him—Fai just wasn't in a place to have a relationship and things couldn't work out because of that.

Sashi didn't really deserve to know a damn thing about the cop—but he didn't want to flat out lie in front of his father—even if it was just to his bitch of an ex-wife.

Apparently, he took too long because his mother tsk-ed impatiently and turned her attention to Ashura. "And you! How long have you known about this Kurogane girl? Have you gotten to know her yet? Or are you letting our son run around town with any old harlot that will break his poor heart?"

Ashura's irked sigh was a familiar one and he took a break from rubbing his temples to answer. "I'd hope that you would trust our son's judgement more than that. He is more than old enough to make his own decisions."

"Ha! Just because he's old enough to make his own decisions doesn't mean he is wise enough to make good decisions—" Sashi continued to ramble on in Hindi and Fai was doing his best not to react to the harsher accusations she threw at Ashura.

He was going to get back at her any minute now and Ashura didn't look the least bit offended by her critiques of his parenting style. Both Ashura and Sashi were very traditional, and that made them both nosey by most people's standards—and Fai gave his father whatever details about his love life he asked for.

"—What Fai chooses to share with me about his personal business is between he and I—when he is ready to tell you, he will." Ashura switched them back to Japanese with his answer and the rest of the table looked thankful to be back in the loop.

"And just what kind of personal business involves handcuffs! Before you know it, we will have bastard grandchildren running around—what will we do then?" Sashi looked absolutely scandalized at the thought and Fai figured it might be time to let her in on the secret before she made an even bigger fool of herself.

"Calm down." Fai flashed his mother a sheepish smile and cut her off when she tried to protest. "There was nothing going on that had any chance of babies being made—I promise…"

Ashura let out another deep sigh and Tai placed his hand over his husbands as a show of support. Yuuko was hiding her obvious amusement behind one of her hands—knowing full well that the handcuff incident involved pure debauchery and it was going to click very, very soon for Sashi. Clow was still hopelessly confused and smiling uncomfortably—While Ash had gone back to texting on his phone—totally over the family argument now that he knew his brother wasn't a raging drug addict.

"Do you think your mother is stupid?" Sashi placed a hand to her chest in serious offence and Fai shook his head back and forth.

"No no—you've just got it all wrong. Kurogane's a police officer and how many times does one get a chance to put handcuffs on policemen?" Fai shrugged his shoulders and just barely managed to smother his smirk.

That stopped Sashi right in her tracks and she blinked dumbly at Fai as though trying to figure out what the catch was. There was a catch, all right—he just hadn't gotten to it yet.

"You mean to tell me nothing indecent happened at all?" She obviously wasn't buying it—but that was no surprise.

"Oh no, it was very indecent—not polite dinner conversation at all—but I can't get pregnant. so you don't have to worry about any little bastards ruining your picture perfect, divorced, single, unemployed lifestyle any time soon, mother." Fai chimed happily even though the higher pitch made his headache worse.

That got a mix of reactions—Yuuko couldn't handle the sass and burst out laughing—Ashura simply lowered his head into his palms at the general rudeness of his son's behavior but didn't have the heart to scold him for it—Taishakuten was obviously very amused by that witty comeback but had enough self-control not to smile or laugh—Clow only managed to look even more confused as he watched his wife double over in laughter—and poor Ash looked a little grossed out but just continued to text away as though what was going on at the table had nothing to do with him.

Sashi—bless her heart—was shocked silent for close to a minute. When she finally did manage to muster a response it was not the one Fai had been expecting and he almost felt bad for her.

"Of course you can't get pregnant. You're a boy. I bathed you as a child so I of all people would know that." Sashi's brows were furrowed and her frustration only rose as Yuuko burst out into another fit of uncontrolled laughter.

"—aaaaand by that very same logic, I can assure you without a shadow of a doubt that Kurogane has the exact same equipment as I do." Fai literally couldn't make it any more obvious at this point and he thankfully didn't have to try.

It took a second for his words to sink in, but when it did finally click, you'd think she'd just found out that her son was terminally ill—hell—already dead, given the wail she let out.

His mom was good at fake crying—but that was not an act.

Sashi was devastated.

Yuuko was pouring herself another glass of wine and shooting Clow an apologetic look. Clow was shifting worried eyes between Sashi and Yuuko—the two of them were gluttons for drama—but not this kind of drama.

Ash was glaring daggers at Fai—Tai was running a hand up and down his husband's back and also glaring at Fai—and Ashura just looked exhausted as he continued to rub at his temples.

Fai should feel worse for ruining the evening three nights in a row—but he had achieved his goal of distracting everyone from their bad attempt at an intervention. If he could just get out before his mother could blame his father—he could put the guilt over this little stunt off until the end of the night at least if he really put his mind to it.

"How could you do this to me!" Sashi wailed as she raised both her hands up to cover her eyes and slumped forward onto her elbows and Fai took the chance to shoot his father a desperate look.

"I think it's best to give your poor mother some space, Fai—"

"He's not going anywhere until we fix this!" Sashi shrieked and Fai flinched at the splitting pain that shot through his head.

Maybe he had over done it…

Oh well.

"There is nothing to fix—you and I will talk." Ashura pushed himself up from his seat while supporting himself with both palms on the table and Ash and Tai were only glaring harder at Fai as the whole family played an odd mixture of musical chairs and hide and seek.

Ashura sat next to Sashi, Yuuko got up to usher Fai out the door—Ash moved to sit across from their parents— and Tai led Clow to the study to steer clear of issues they were not welcome in discussing.

As soon as the garage door was closed behind them—Fai yelped as Yuuko flicked the middle of his forehead with one of her long, manicured nails. "Don't you EVER scare me and your father like that again, you ungrateful little brat."

"Sorry." Fai rubbed at the center of his forehead and didn't bother trying to keep his shit together. Pent up emotions turned to tears—and he leaned back against the concrete wall next to the garage door and sucked in a shuddering breath.

"I only flicked you." Yuuko looked honestly confused at the sudden water works but her features softened and she stepped forward and pushed Fai's hands away from his face so she could get a good look.

"That's not it." Fai closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

He wasn't entirely sure what it was. If it was Sashi being a bitch, the fear of Ashura almost finding out how bad things were, the fact that he didn't know if he'd hallucinated an imaginary friend version of his dead twin, that he admitted out loud that he'd run to Kurogane for comfort—or just the fact that he felt so god damn shitty.

"Then what? I can't help you if you don't tell me—and so help me god if I catch you in one more lie I won't care what happens in your little criminal enterprise, I am tattling on you to your father and having you committed." Yuuko fished out a handkerchief and started mopping at Fai's face with a gentleness that didn't match her angry tone in the slightest.

"I just don't feel good…" Fai sounded absolutely pitiful even to his own ears, and Yuuko could only sigh and swipe at the new tears.

"We gotta get you sober, kiddo. You can't keep going like this."

He knew. She'd been telling him for weeks and he knew she was right.

"I know… I'm so fucking tired and I am doing everything I can to keep everyone safe." Fai took in another shaky breath and closed his eyes. Crying wasn't going to help—going to work and getting a handle on things was going to help.

That was the only productive thing to do.

"How many days were you awake this time?" Yuuko pulled Fai towards the steps, and they both settled down side by side.

He thought about lying—he didn't want her to know—he didn't wanna hear the lecture again and he really didn't want her to decide he was past the point of being able to make his own decisions.

"I don't remember." Too many. "That's why I crashed so hard at Kurogane's apartment… I was just exhausted." He took the handkerchief out of her hands and blew his nose.

"You didn't really go over there again, did you?" Yuuko gave him a serious look and Fai could only stare back in confusion. He had a problem with lying, sure—but that part had been brutal honesty. Well—mostly. "Fai—tell me you were lying! Why would you go back to the cop's apartment after how you broke it off?"

"That—uh… That part wasn't a lie? I was fucked up—I don't remember how I got there—just waking up." Yuuko blinked slowly at Fai as she mulled the information over for close to a minute before sighing again.

"You really are an idiot. I always suspected you were at least a little stupid… but Jesus, Fai!" Yuuko flicked the middle of his forehead again. He still flinched, but this time only shrugged and nodded in agreement. "You can't keep doing shit like this."

"I know. I fucked up—I keep fucking up…" It wasn't on purpose—he really hadn't had any intentions of ever seeing Kurogane again…

"I don't even know what to say. I thought we were going to find out that you were off getting high and just blowing us off… This is somehow worse—" Fai didn't argue.

He desperately wanted this conversation to end—but he didn't have any right to argue one way or the other.

"—you call me the second you wake up tomorrow—before you go to work. If Ashura tells me you stay out for more than 24 hours again, you're not gonna like what happens. Understand? We're going to AA meetings together starting tomorrow so I know you're actually doing it."

Fuuuuck.

That was going to be a huge pain in the ass.

"I can call you when I wake up tomorrow…" He wasn't going to agree to the rest just yet. He really just needed to get to work and get back on track before he felt any worse.

"You get one more chance. Now go to work—and don't cause any more trouble." Yuuko flicked his forehead one more time for good measure and Fai did as he was told.

He could worry about how he was going to get out of AA later.

By the time Fai managed to make it downtown, things at Kurōbā were already in full swing. Christmas might not be a big deal here in Japan—but people were always in a celebratory mood at the end of the year and the place was absolutely packed for a Sunday night.

Finding parking had been a bitch—and since Fai had managed to leave his McLaren parked in his reserved spot—the Escalade had to be squeezed into a too small space close to a mile from his destination. Withdrawal's left him snappy—and Fai didn't know if he wanted to cry or scream as he wove his way through the busy streets.

The cold December air was usually something he enjoyed—but tonight, the air stung his skin and left him clenching his jaw so tight, by the time he made it into his office, his head was starting to ache from the tension. It only added to the dull roar that had been nagging at him for the past 24 hours and just further contributed to the general overwhelm he was feeling.

Fai hadn't bothered with a real coat. His suit jacket was usually more than enough to keep him toasty in the winter months—but tonight was either especially cold or he just wasn't able to properly regulate his body temperature—because he couldn't stop shivering as he walked around the desk and sat down to plug his phone into the charger.

As soon as he unlocked the screen, Fai was frustrated at how many notifications had yet to be addressed. It wasn't any more than he was prepared to handle—but the sheer number of people that needed his attention at the moment made him want to pull his hair out.

It had been pouring for weeks and Fai was sick of it.

He didn't bother to read any of them just yet—he would get to that after he got his head on straight. Fai was the king of being chronically overwhelmed and he wasn't going to have the luxury of taking things off his plate any time soon—so sorting and prioritizing was key.

Before he could be of any kind of use, he needed to top up.

Fai had managed to get to the office earlier than he had anticipated due to his mother's theatrics—and he shot off a quick text notifying Seishiro that he was running ahead of schedule before setting the phone aside and shifting his focus to getting his laptop up and running. It was just where it had been when he had quit working Friday night—and as soon as he was in, his calendar reminders were scolding him.

He had missed the meeting to tour the property.

Fuck.

Two of the missed calls were from his broker and Fai reluctantly called her back to offer a half-ass apology and reschedule. Balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder while he waited for an answer or voicemail—he ordered her a flower arrangement as well as some sweets from his own cafe to be delivered to her office Monday morning.

Unfortunately—9pm wasn't too late for anyone that regularly worked with Fai—and a cheery voice chimed in on the other end of the phone just as a soft knock sounded on the door of his office.

The person knocking didn't wait for a response and Fai wasn't surprised to see the door pushed open by Seishiro. The older man snagged one of the chairs that sat across from Fai's desk while the blond doled out an easy apology.

He had made his broker enough money over the last few years that any rude behavior on Fai's part was quickly forgiven—and she was more than happy to meet him in an hour to tour the warehouse.

Perfect.

Fai set the phone down on the table after hanging up and pulled up the missed appointment on his calendar to get the address of the location. It was going to take time to get across town to the university district —and parking was only going to add to the time needed.

There really wasn't a better way to get his head back into the game than to jump into it feet first—and Seishiro was already here. Maybe he was finally at the end of the recent string of bad luck. Maybe his anxieties about getting through today were just that—Anxiety.

Fai was well aware that Seishiro was waiting to be acknowledged—gun metal gray eyes were watching the blond like a hawk. As much as he would like to cut to the chase and knock himself out of withdrawal—Fai purposefully held off and sent a quick email to Hisui and Subaru letting them know that he was back in the office today and would need to meet with them when he returned from his run.

Chemical dependency and addict behaviors were two totally different demons—and Fai was not ready to act like the shakes were any more of an annoyance to him than a caffeine headache. While he wasn't the kind of person to let pride get in his way—maintaining a certain image with his people was crucial.

Especially Seishiro.

Since they were short on time, Fai cut the act short and focused tired eyes on his head enforcer as soon as he saw the confirmation banner of the sent message flash across the bottom of the screen.

"I'm glad I caught you before you headed over to Cephiro. I need your help today." Fai managed a tired smile and leaned back in his chair. He rarely acted familiarly with Seishiro these days—especially with how touchy he had been since recognizing the blond's genuine attraction towards the cop—but today was an exception.

He couldn't look too stiff or anxious before he set things straight. Fai also couldn't let Seishiro know how bad off he really was physically and emotionally while also keeping the act believable. With how shitty he looked, he couldn't act too chipper, cheery, and energetic without getting called out on his shit.

Seishiro's only answer was to quirk a brow at the blond and Fai glanced back at his screen and read off the address aloud. "We're going on a little adventure to the uni-district together—Then we'll meet back here with your better half and Hisui to get caught up. After that, you're free to head over to Cephiro or whatever it is you usually do during the day."

Fai didn't usually consult Seishiro on these matters. Aside from desperately needing to top up—he needed to get a detailed rundown on what the older man knew about Reed, and what issues they may be having with the authorities before he committed to taking his eyes away from the day to day operations.

That was a big risk he wasn't going to take unless absolutely necessary. So far, it hadn't been—but Reed had been running around Tokyo causing problems for close to 2 months now, and it couldn't go on much longer. Something was going to have to break soon—and Fai was going to do everything in his power to make sure it wasn't himself or anyone on his team.

"What exactly does that have to do with me?" Seishiro didn't look outright annoyed at the request and that was surprising.

Not in a good way.

Normally, Seishiro refused to do anything that wasn't at least a little interesting to him—and nothing bored the man more than busy work. Things like paperwork, looking at real estate, bookkeeping or anything remotely related to taxes were not usually things Fai could get his head enforcer to pitch in on.

"Absolutely nothing—You're an unfortunate victim of my multi-tasking—I need us to get on the same page moving forward before I talk to Subaru and Hisui." Fai gave a half ass grin, yawned, and swiveled his chair back to look at his computer screen so he could watch the older man's reaction in a less obvious way.

The distinct lack of reaction wasn't what he was hoping for. Seishiro was not behaving predictably—if he wasn't annoyed that may be because he was hoping for an opportunity to get Fai alone to talk.

Wasn't like Fai didn't have a list a mile long of all the ways he'd dropped the ball himself the last few weeks. Maybe they'd be trading lectures—maybe threats—who knew.

Fai had been expecting to be told to get fucked—and he would have much preferred that to the way Seishiro just nodded and continued to watch him with too much interest for the blond not to find it a little shady. "When are we leaving?"

"A few minutes. I'm going to check up on something and we can hit the road." Fai continued to focus his attention on his computer as though he actually had something he was working on.

He didn't.

He was stalling.

It was all part of the act—they weren't going to leave until Fai had a chance to top up and they both knew it. Keeping his shit together was taking a massive amount of effort on his part—he felt at least ten times worse than he looked—and if Seishiro hadn't caught on to the fact that Fai was well past 24 hours without a hit—it was going to become obvious soon.

In just the short amount of time that had passed since he'd arrived, Fai had gone from too cold to way too hot. His skin was starting to get shiny with sweat—and what he had chalked up to shivers was apparently here to stay and continue driving him absolutely nuts. Every time he'd shiver, Fai got an extra reminder of the fact that fashionable clothes were rarely comfortable—and all he wanted to do was scratch at his wrists and neck where the fabric was rubbing especially annoyingly.

As uncomfortable as he was—he wasn't desperate enough to give in just yet.

A few minutes apparently suited him just fine—Seishiro got to his feet and headed across the hall to Subaru's office—either to say goodbye or to grab his things. Fai didn't pay any attention once the older man had turned his back—he had more important things to do.

He may not have had any intention of looking at all the unread emails or text messages that were still begging for attention—but he did need to try and locate his lost keys and wallet that Fai'd somehow managed to misplace on his drunk adventures.

He didn't have a clear picture of what happened Friday night after he'd started drinking—He'd woken up with a busted up hand in a bed that wasn't his, clothes that weren't his, and with a cute dog that also… wasn't his—He'd had his phone—but not his wallet or keys.

Hopefully…

In the panic of getting home, Fai hadn't asked for his wet clothes back from Kurogane—and he'd almost left his phone at the cop's house in the rush to leave—so for all he knew, the missing items were still safe and sound in the pockets of the discarded clothes.

Fai had been banking on having left them tucked away in his desk and got hot looking. His body did not agree with all the ducking and bending that looking in all the drawers and under the desk entailed—any time Fai leaned forward, it felt like there wasn't enough room in his skull. Between the sound of his own heartbeat pounding over the general high-pitched ringing noise he'd been doing his best to ignore; Fai didn't even notice Seishiro's quick return.

It wasn't the end of the world that some true emotion was shining through—Seishiro didn't see frustration as weakness, and it didn't make Fai look bad to be annoyed at losing important items. The annoying smirk that settled on the bastard's face as he watched him buzz around the desk told Fai he misread the situation, though.

"Looking for something?" Seishiro's pleased tone was grating and Fai didn't need to look up from what he was doing to know that the older man was smiling at him with a sort of sick satisfaction.

Dick.

Fai wasn't looking for drugs.

He knew where they were. He hadn't blown through them—and he hadn't lost them… Just the keys he needed to get them. He definitely was not scrambling to find a dime bag—when you had unlimited access like Fai did—you didn't need an emergency stash.

Not unless you were trying to hide how much you were using, at least—and Fai wasn't that bad off yet.

"Wallet and keys. Drunk me wasn't very bright and misplaced them." Fai pushed the office chair back and got down to look under the desk for the third time to find a whole lot of nothing.

"What'd you do to get here today, then—take one of your other cars?" The amusement was gone but the exasperated tone it was replaced by wasn't much more tolerable.

Fai never claimed to be practical—getting both of the cars home was a problem for later tonight's Fai—and he'd probably just have one of the two towed back to the house.

He honestly couldn't care less, given how agitated he was getting.

"I really don't think that's any of your business now, is it?" Fai tilted left just enough to peek around the desk and shoot the enforcer a sharp look—the fact that he was currently sitting with his butt on the floor hanging with the dust bunnies took most of the bite out of it.

Seishiro sure as hell didn't look the least bit intimidated by his Oscar the grouch routine and that only annoyed Fai more. Between his mother's hysterics and Seishiro's—well, Seishiro-ness, Fai was suddenly in one hell of a mood and he needed to retox before he got himself in trouble with the attitude problem.

A misplaced wallet and set of keys were the least of his issues when you stacked them up against the rest of the shit he had going on. Throw him a crisis any day of the week and he could handle it like a champ—the second he was slightly inconvenienced on a bad day? Fai could put 07 Britney to shame and Seishiro had no patience for that kind of drama.

It was what it was—time to cut his losses and move on. He'd ask Kurogane if he could look for them if they didn't turn up by the end of the day. If they were lost forever, it didn't matter. Cancel and reissue some credit cards and request a new license. He had spares for the McLaren—and he could easily have another set made.

No biggie.

Fai took two deep breaths and eased himself up onto his knees before climbing to his feet. He should have expected the spins to hit him at least as hard as they did, given how woozy he had been since waking up—but Fai wasn't prepared to catch himself when his balance went woo.

By some miracle, he managed to stay on his feet—by miracle he meant Seishiro—Seishiro had managed to get behind Fai and rather than getting even cozier with the dust bunnies on the floor, the blond found himself with his back pressed firmly against Seishiro's chest.

If he had half a brain cell free, Fai would have offered an apology and righted himself immediately—but he was way too preoccupied with how overwhelmingly hot the room felt, how itchy his clothes were, and how he in general just didn't feel good at all to do much more than take another deep breath and blink his eyes back into focus.

He should really drink some water.

Seishiro waited until he was sure Fai wasn't actually going to faint before he let out an irritated exhale—he let the blond lean his weight forward onto the hand that had found the edge of the desk, but didn't step away immediately.

Instead, he fished out a baggie of marching powder from his pocket and tapped a small mound onto his closed fist. Leaning forward, he wrapped one arm around Fai's torso—up across his chest, to grip his chin so he could force the blond's head up straight—then he brought the other up right where it needed to be.

"What happened to the coke I sent you home with?" Seishiro's breath felt cool against Fai's feverish skin and he couldn't help the full body shiver as he brought his hand up to cover one nostril so he could down the nose candy.

"It's in the McLaren." Fai breathed through the burn and the older man took a step back to give him space—eyeing him skeptically from a few feet away as Fai turned around to lean his bottom against the desk.

Seishiro watched him in silence as he closed the baggie back up and fished the rest out of his suit jacket as well.

Probably hadn't been the answer he was expecting.

Fai'd likely have a hard time buying it if he were in the older man's shoes, too, but the math added up. Fai had only been about 48 hours clean—Not long by anyone's measure but that still looked a lot different than 10-15 hours clean.

"—guess that answers one question, but you're not just dopesick, are you?" Seishiro sighed and forked the baggies over to Fai, tucking them right into the breast pocket of his dress shirt for safe keeping.

The blond shook his head back and forth slowly and ran his tongue over his numbed teeth and focused his eyes on the ground. He was already starting to feel slightly human again—but that was still far from feeling good.

Coke wasn't a substitute for a solid meal, decent water intake, sleep or stable mental health. Fai really needed to start taking better care of himself—his body was still physically exhausted, hung over, and desperate for a break.

Seishiro just continued watching him with expectant eyes. The interest in the blond's physical wellbeing was unexpected and left him feeling uneasy. Normally, he didn't give a shit about how anyone was feeling—and the sudden interest was red flaggy.

Or Fai was getting paranoid.

"'m just hung over. No one told me when I hit thirty, they were going to last more than one day." Two day hangovers had actually become the norm before he had even hit 30—but given how physically run down he'd let himself get, Fai was going to be lucky if he was feeling well by tomorrow. That was if he took it extremely easy today.

And he didn't have time for that.

"Well, at least that's not contagious." Seishiro pushed Fai's office chair back towards the desk in a silent command for Fai to sit.

He didn't need to be told twice. Before they went anywhere, he was going to need to drink some water and get something in his stomach… The fainting spell had nothing to do with the shakes—and they both knew that.

He should call Syaoran soon and see if he was ready to come back and play assistant again… The crushing guilt over mentally scaring the poor kid wasn't gone yet—and Fai had no intention of pressuring him into coming back if he didn't want to. As the weeks continued to tick by, it was looking more and more like it was past time to offer the kid a full time spot at the café so he could find a new shadow to babysit his incompetent ass.

The blond wasn't going to last long if he kept this up.

"No—just paying for poor choices." Fai felt around under the desk with his foot until he kicked the minifridge. Clumsily, he nudged the door open and leaned down to snag a bottle of water.

There were only a few left from the last time Syaoran had stocked it—which proved how shitty he had really been at the hydration game…

Fai Flourite—The most respected and feared criminal mastermind in the whole city—could not even figure out how much water he needed to drink so he didn't pass out.

A-class drug lord—failure at human-ing.

Sipping at the water slowly, Fai watched Seishiro sit back down across from his desk, and he had to wonder why the hell he was still loitering around. Yes—they were supposed to be leaving right now—but Seishiro didn't need to be told that Fai was going to need a few minutes to collect himself before they could do that.

It might look like Seishiro was sticking around to keep an eye on the blond out of concern—but Fai knew better. He wasn't sure what the older man's motivations were, but that uneasy feeling was back and getting worse. Seishiro had never been easy to read, but he usually wasn't this bad at guessing his reactions.

Since they were stuck here for a few more minutes, anyways—it was the perfect chance for Fai to ease a bit of that anxiety and try to find out what those motivations were. He got chatty when he was anxious and Seishiro knew it—luckily, he also got chatty when he was bored—so if Fai was careful enough with his words and tone, he might just weasel out the information he wanted without showing his entire hand just yet.

You could pick up a lot of information with pointless chatter—if you knew what you were doing.

Watching the older man shoot off a quick text message, Fai took another sip of water and leaned his elbow on the edge of the desk and rested his cheek on his palm.

"You know… I don't think I've ever seen you get sick—did you think I was going to give you the flu or something?" Fai tried to shift to a slightly playful tone—but the amount of exhaustion that seeped through didn't make the act any more effective.

"No."

Right…

Well—at least the one-word dismissive answers were a pattern Fai was used to seeing from him—not what he currently wanted—but if Seishiro wanted to pull teeth, Fai could pull teeth.

"No, you didn't think it was the flu—or no, you're not afraid of the flu?" The innocent clarification was met with a short stare that screamed you're-joking-right before looking back down at his phone.

He wasn't.

"I might be a masochist but even I stay in bed when I have the flu… So you don't have to worry about getting sick." Fai offered a lazy wink and used his free hand to bring the bottle of water up to his lips for a few more sips.

Seishiro didn't usually give a shit what anyone thought about him—Right up until someone accused him of being afraid of literally anything. You could call him evil, heartless, cruel, or even sadistic—Seishiro didn't see those as bad qualities in himself or in others—and calling him such might as well be a compliment.

Fear was something only weak people experienced in his book, though—and Seishiro didn't consider himself weak.

Fai's carefully chosen 'innocent' comment wouldn't be enough to make him angry—but more than enough to get the clarification he wanted.

"At least you're not going to get anyone else sick because you make poor decisions. You've never seen me sick because I don't get sick." Seishiro looked back down at his phone and shot off another message—and Fai took a few more sips of water and nodded.

Well, that was pretty harmless, right? Didn't account for why he hadn't told Fai to collect himself and meet him at the building they were going to go look at—but the rest of it made sense.

Sort of…

"You probably don't get sick because you're directly descended from Satan." Literally. Seishiro's entire family was at least as fucked up as he was—just look at Fuuma.

"I think it's because he exercises every day and eats very healthy foods." Subaru offered politely from the doorway, drawing both of the room's occupants' attention as he did so—he'd been so quiet that neither of them had noticed him enter seconds before. "—when you take good care of yourself, your body is strong enough to keep you from getting sick."

Subaru didn't wait to be invited in and crossed the room to stand next to the ornate desk in the center. Fai was not at all surprised when he set down a plastic full of goodies—cereal bars-cheese sticks-strawberries- and sports drinks.

All his favorite grab and go comfort snacks—and the same things he brought Fai every year on December 19th.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Fai smiled in thanks as he snagged one of the snacks. He wasn't the only one who had a tendency to totally neglect their physical well being when they got stressed.

The last few years Subaru had been doing a much better job of maintaining a healthy weight, sleep schedule, and diet—but you could always tell when things were getting bad again when Subaru started getting too skinny—then he'd start sleeping too much—and eventually Fai and Kamui would struggle to con him into leaving the house at all—let alone his bed.

Subaru coped best by retreating into his own head—Fai coped best doing the opposite—when you left him alone with his own intrusive thoughts, he started to think they had the right idea and he ended up planning his own demise.

"Yes." Subaru chuckled as he retreated around the desk to snag the other open chair—running a hand along Seishiro's shoulders in a silent show of affection as he walked behind him. "—the pot at least admits they can develop better habits. The kettle is the one that almost fainted because they drank themselves to oblivion and probably forgot to eat, drink, or do anything to take care of themselves again."

Well—it turned out that Seishiro's interest wasn't Seishiro's interest at all.

He'd been humoring Subaru.

While that wasn't something Fai had taken into account—it wasn't a negative explanation at all and put him at ease. Brushing thoughts of ulterior motives aside—Fai nodded in agreement and took another bite of food.

"This morning sucked bad enough that I reached that conclusion on my own—once we get things sorted out, I am taking a nice long vacation—and in the meantime, I'll do better." Fai swiveled in his chair so he could glance at his computer and pretend to read something as he continued munching.

Seishiro had more or less checked out and was fucking around on his phone—but Subaru's concerned gaze was an uncomfortable reminder of how freaked out the rest of the people who cared about him were.

Especially his poor dad.

The eye contact was just too much—not that Subaru minded—he was just happy to chat and make sure everything was ok. He'd done his best to goad Fai into one of their rare evenings out after the blond had broken things off with Kurogane—but hadn't had much luck.

Fai had been—and still was—way too busy to take a night off work for anything less than the anniversary of the accident. Subaru wasn't downing in free time by any means either since he'd had to take up the management of Cephiro pretty much single handedly.

Seishiro wasn't much help on the floor when it came to their normal responsibilities here at Kurōbā—if he wasn't out gathering intel, playing bodyguard or roughing someone up at Fai's request—he was usually pestering Subaru more than managing the bouncers and dealers.

Fai had been pressuring Seishiro to get more intel since Reed vanished, so poor Subaru had been left to restructure and turn a profit at Cephiro while also keeping close tabs on the employees and customers just in case there were any more rats trying to hide amongst their ranks.

After today, even more responsibility was going to be lofted on him—and Seishiro was going to be pulled from the floor to assist Fai… which hopefully wouldn't be too much for him to handle.

"Seishiro does get sick though, right?" Fai opted to keep the conversation lighter—he didn't need to look too vulnerable or get into just how overwhelmed he'd been this morning.

Subaru and Seishiro exchanged looks—Subaru furrowing his brows and Seishiro had no interest in entertaining the conversation and went back to his phone.

"Not really? I can't remember the last time he was sick." Subaru focused his attention back at Fai and shrugged. "—So not very often at all, actually. He's been very healthy for as long as I've known him… He's allergic to dogs, though—but I don't think that has anything to do with a weak immune system."

Fai snorted and rolled his eyes. "I stick by what I said, then. Of course, he's allergic to dogs."

"Are you ready yet?" Seishiro cut in before Subaru could respond and Fai shoved the rest of the cheese stick in his mouth and nodded.

"Let's carpool? I can't find the keys to the McLaren and I had to park like a mile away and it's gonna take me ages to walk back there and get across town." Fai tucked another cereal bar into his pocket and slowly eased himself up onto his feet.

Seishiro nodded—and Subaru wished them both well before heading back to his own office to wait for them to return. Even at 33-Subaru hadn't ever gotten around to getting his driver's license.

He'd hang out at Kurōbā until they were back—and they would head over to Cephiro together after Fai filled everyone in on the game plan. Grabbing his suit coat—Fai excused himself to the bathroom while Seishiro pulled the car up front.

Normally, Fai couldn't be convinced to let someone other than himself drive—not when he was sober, at least. Call him a control freak—but he couldn't stand being a passenger unless he was good and toasted.

He instantly regretted asking to carpool. Not because Seishiro was really a bad driver in the grand scheme of things—it wasn't like he was constantly getting in accidents, picking up traffic tickets or anything like that. Seishiro's Aventador was a whole lotta car—and he handled all 740 ponies the 12 cylinder could kick out like that was what he had been born to do.

Now, it was important to bear in mind that being an excellent driver did not make someone a safe driver.

The way Seishiro whipped the super car around tight corners on the wet pavement and wove in and out of traffic on the highway made Fai's life flash before his eyes every time the engine revved. Somehow, he knew the absolute limit he could push his car to before the wheels lost traction, which was proof enough that while Seishiro's driving habits were terrifying—there was no disputing his driving skills.

All Fai knew was that his heart stopped every time they drifted through a turn or bullied their way through traffic while treating the designated lane markers like friendly suggestions. Amber Gambler was putting it lightly, and Seishiro's habit of redlining to make the light had Fai ready to kiss his ass goodbye as the sound the engine's singing drew the entire city block's attention.

Speed racer imitations aside—they did make it to their destination in one piece and with time to spare. Fai had been too terrified to panic—and he ended up sitting in the passenger seat catching his breath while Seishiro enjoyed a cigarette and tried not to look too pleased with the fact that he had personally just shaved years off of his boss's life with that little joy ride.

Fai had always known Seishiro was a fucking douche—but did he have to remind everyone so often?

Adrenaline and coke were a hell of a cocktail and even with a good 20-minute breather, he was feeling dizzy and shaky again as he climbed to his feet to greet his realtor.

The good news was that Fai didn't have any issues staying focused on the task at hand and he took in the good, the bad, and the ugly as they wandered around the empty building.

Normally, warehouses like his were big empty shells and ideal candidates for quick remodels. This one, though, needed a lot of work. It'd take months—maybe half a year.

There was structural damage from years of neglect, the roof was in bad enough shape that it was visibly leaking in more places than it wasn't, and the entire thing would need to be brought up to code in terms of the plumbing and wiring.

It wasn't all bad.

If he had to replace the roof anyways, he could always look at a rooftop bar for the summer months. Fai wasn't sure of exactly how close this building was to the nearest residential properties—but he could always grease some palms for the proper permits if he really needed to. This was the university district—even if there were apartments nearby they were occupied by mostly college age kids who'd likely enjoy a new party spot springing up within walking distance.

All in all, the tour took less than an hour—and his broker walked away with a cash offer above asking. The sellers would of course have to accept—but it wasn't contingent on any inspections so they wouldn't refuse.

Fai pulled out his phone and shot off a quick text to Yuuko after they got back to the car to let her know that he had found the property, and he needed the contracts reviewed in the next few days. Seishiro lit up again and watched him with apparent disinterest. He had known the man long enough to tell when he was actually bored, though—and Fai was certain that the enforcer was quickly running out of patience. Seishiro wasn't a fan of pussyfooting on a good day—not that Fai was waiting to address things on purpose.

Fai would have been more than happy to address things on the ride over if he had been able to string two words together between clenching his jaw and trying not to critique any driving habits. Seishiro got some sort of sick satisfaction out of making people uncomfortable—and the second you gave the man an inch he stole the whole damn mile.

If Fai had thought his driving was nerve wracking before—he was sure Seishiro could one up himself given the incentive to do so.

How Subaru put up with the man Fai would never understand.

Slipping his phone into his back pocket, he made a show of yawning and stretching his arms over his head before slowly circling the Aventador. Grey eyes followed him as he went, watching him closely right up until Fai came to a stop next to Seishiro and offered up an appreciative hum.

"I think this one is my favorite one you've had since you got rid of that pretty purple GranTurismo." Flashing the older man a smile, he tried not to show how amused he truly was at the annoyed way Seishiro exhaled smoke through his nose before responding.

"It was dark blue." His tone was perfectly controlled but Fai knew exactly what he was doing.

He didn't have many buttons—but Fai knew how to push most of them when it suited his purpose. Teasing Seishiro wasn't an easy thing to do—but Fai wanted him as relaxed as he could get him before they headed back to work. The small talk earlier had had a purpose—he'd just gotten interrupted by his own body rebelling—but there was a method to the madness.

Yes—the car had actually been dark blue. Fai couldn't remember when exactly Seishiro had broken his usual bland aesthetic and gotten a dark blue car instead of a black one—sometime back in his high school days.

Hokuto had still been around—and Subaru's steamy romance with the older yakuza heir had been the most interesting thing to ever happen in their little friend group. Seishiro had been the cool older friend, and while his odd patience for their shenanigans made alarming sense knowing what Fai knew now—at the time they had all fallen for the kind, friendly act hook, line, and sinker.

In those days, it wasn't unusual for Fai and Yuui to hang out at the Sumaragi twins' apartment until Ashura got out of work. If he remembered correctly, Seishiro and Subaru had met under pretty mundane circumstances, but it had been obvious from the very first encounter that Subaru had been instantly attracted to the older man.

Hokuto had surprisingly encouraged her brother to get close to Seishiro—and Fai watched his classmate go from babysitter to boytoy in a few short months. Instead of spending afternoons after school in the Sumaragi's apartment—they switched to hanging out at Seishiro's flat, and it was one such afternoon that none other than Fuuma deemed the dark blue car purple.

Fuuma was a whopping 16 years younger than Seishiro—and less than 10 when he had chattered the whole way home about how cool his older brother's new purple car was. Purple was a pretty ostentatious color for someone like Seishiro—and Hokuto and Fai had both found the way the older man ruffled at the suggestion the car was purple to be hilarious.

Aside from Seishiro and Subaru, who was too polite to tease the older man, they had all exclusively referred to the GranTurismo as "the purple car" until Seishiro had finally gotten rid of it—and Fai had picked up the habit of casually asking him if he remembered that purple car when he wanted to ruffle his feathers enough to throw him off his game but not enough to make him angry.

This was a practiced dance—and they both knew he was up to something now.

"Was it?" Fai batted his eyes twice and Seishiro's only response was to take another long drag off his cigarette—apparently not interested in playing into Fai's games just yet.

"I was just thinking that a purple Advantador might look nice—" Fai reached out and carefully ran a gloved hand over the flawless matte black paint job. "—what do you think?"

"That you have terrible taste, but you already knew that."

"What? You don't think purple suits me?" Fai chuckled and Seishiro shrugged. He sure wasn't making this easy…"What are the chances that you'd let me drive us back?"

Questions were a sure-fire way to get someone talking.

Even Seishiro.

The older man raised an eyebrow and seemed to mull over the request. Fai was almost sure he was going to get a simple 'no' when he cleared his throat.

"That's an odd request." Seishiro turned his head to the side to blow out the last puff of smoke before tossing the butt onto the floor and stomping it out with his foot.

It was.

Fai normally would never make a request like that, but it did the trick—Seishiro was officially thrown off his game.

"I know, but I can kill two birds with one stone—After seeing how well the car handled your terrible driving I'm thoroughly impressed and dying to test drive it—and since my driving habits are way closer to old lady then race car driver—you'll actually be able to hear me over the engine as we head back." Fai flashed Seishiro a big grin and the amused huff he earned was definitely a step in the right direction.

He had managed to break the ice again and reassured him that the talk wasn't something Fai was taking too seriously.

Outwardly, anyways.

Seishiro reached into his pocket and unlocked the car with the fob. "—one condition."

"I promise I won't crash your car." Fai used his pointer finger to make a silent cross-my-heart motion over his chest. He might hate riding with Seishiro—but the opposite was true as well. Fai took life at his own pace and when it came to driving, he was almost never in a big hurry.

Apparently, he didn't have any reservations about the safety of his car because Seishiro shook his head back and forth once before clarifying. "—No purple cars. That's the deal."

That caught Fai off guard, and he didn't mean to laugh as hard as he did—but he couldn't tell if Seishiro was serious and that only made it funnier. The older man maintained a perfectly serious expression as he waited for the blond to get his giggles out—all the while holding the key fob between them—just that bit too high for it to be considered an offering.

"Fine." Fai held his hands out for the keys and Seishiro dropped them into his palm. "— but you're no fun at all."

"You'll thank me later. No one is going to take you seriously when you're driving a purple car." Seishiro sighed as he headed for the passenger side and eased down into the seat.

The Aventador had a bit more room than the McLaren did—but not much. Fai was still a good deal shorter than Seishiro and had to adjust the mirrors and seats to see properly. "Well, you know I actually planned to get a purple car just so Reed would realize I am in fact batshit crazy and not someone you should screw with. Once you opt for a purple sports car that costs more than a house—what more do you really have left to lose at that point, right?"

Seishiro snorted and while he couldn't see past the sunglasses—Fai was pretty sure he rolled his eyes at that suggestion. "You might as well just dye your hair a crazy shade at that point—less expensive and easier to correct when he is out of the picture."

That wasn't gonna happen. Purple wouldn't be the flashiest color he had chosen for one his cars and it would be easier to repaint that than get dye out of his baby blond hair. The day he made that mistake again would be the day he actually had nothing left to lose and did a backflip off a skyscraper.

Of course—Seishiro wasn't being serious. That was as playful as the older man got and Fai was content to play along with the idea for the time being.

"I could do both?" The blond put his foot down on the brake and pressed the on button and listened to the engine rumbling to life with a beautiful purr. "Pink hair and purple car? I could start wearing skinny jeans and tank tops—I would not only look very fashionable but also utterly terrifying."

"How about you come up with an actual plan and save everyone the hassle of having to look at you in that ridiculous state." And just like that—the easy attitude was gone. Seishiro watched the backup camera right along with Fai as he threw the car in reverse and eased out of the parking space carefully.

That was his cue to cut to the chance.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't suppose we've had any big breakthroughs in my absence?" He was sure if there had been any big news, Seishiro already would have filled him in—but it had been a while since he had spoken with his head enforcer face to face on what was going on.

Brief emails, quick texts, and short phone calls were all fine and well—but it was time to make a move and the more details Fai had, the better.

"Considering you decided to black out and wander off from Kokuyo's place in the middle of the night? I spent most of that time trying to find you." Seishiro shrugged and Fai cussed under his breath as they pulled up to the first light.

He could have mentioned that one sooner.

"Oops?" There wasn't anything he could say to defend himself on that front—Fai hadn't taken the time to think about it until now, but they probably hadn't assumed that the blond had just wandered off in the middle of the night.

Reed had yet to gain the confidence to physically threaten Fai—but the safety of Fai himself as well as the key players in the ring had been a concern for weeks now.

"Can't say I was relieved when I actually found you. That was a stupid thing to do." Seishiro's tone was emotionless still but that was as close to scolding as the older man ever got.

"Drunk me's not the sharpest crayon, apparently?" Fai chuckled uncomfortably—that was something he was going to need to warn Kurogane about. He hadn't wanted the cop on Seishiro's radar—and if he didn't get his act together today and get his impulses under control, something was going to have to be done.

"I don't like being lied to, Fai."

Well, shit…

Fai hit the turn signal and looked over his shoulder to switch lanes, catching the way Seishiro had his jaw set as he did so, and confirming that the older man was—in fact—furious.

As he should be.

"Give me a little credit—" Fai sighed and paused to collect his thoughts. He needed to be careful about not dismissing this while also not making a big deal out of the mistake. "—I never planned for that to happen. I'm not saying I didn't fuck up—but I'm just gonna cut the drinking out. I can't afford to be impulsive like that anymore."

"You told me that cop wasn't going to be an issue—yet here we are. I don't see where the credit is due." Seishiro still sounded perfectly calm but Fai felt the hair on the back of his neck standing up.

He was maaaad mad.

Madder at Fai than he had been in years.

Seishiro wasn't just pissed off—that little stunt had been a nail in the blond's coffin in the trust department, and recovering from it wasn't going to be easy.

"You've got more than enough insurance." Fai gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and consciously squared his shoulders as he continued. It wasn't going to be easy—but this was far from the dumbest stunt he had pulled in his tenure—Seishiro had forgiven him for bigger fuckups. "You and I both know that I can't just walk away from everything we've built—it doesn't work that way and I am not going to risk trying for a crush."

Well—if Fai had been swayed by dream/hallucination Yuui trying to convince him to say fuck it and get with Kurogane… this was a perfect reminder why he couldn't.

Seishiro fought dirty.

He didn't answer right away, and the silence was almost deafening. So much for Fai leading the conversation where he wanted it to go—the older man had completely severed any leg Fai could have stood on for an upper hand.

Fuck.

He had been so thrown off by the withdrawals when he woke up that the thought that anyone from the drug ring might have been concerned enough to track him down hadn't even crossed his mind.

Seishiro was the last person he would have wanted to be the one to find him curled up in bed with Kurogane.

Fuuuck.

"Subaru said the same thing." Seishiro offered after well over a minute of silence and it didn't serve to ease Fai's worry even slightly.

Well—the exchange in his office was making more and more sense. That roughly translated into 'I was going to take matters into my own hands, but Subaru managed to convince me to speak with you first.' Which meant that if Fai couldn't reassure him that it was not going to happen again—Seishiro was more than ready to solve the problem for him with a bullet or two.

That talk with Kurogane needed to happen as soon as possible, apparently.

They had agreed that Kurogane would contact Fai again after the new years to set up a time to settle things. They didn't have that long—Seishiro wasn't going to tell him before he did anything—and without assigning someone to follow the poor bastard around and keep an eye out for angry, shamelessly homicidal ex-yakuza heir—Fai couldn't do anything about it.

Joy.

This was exactly what he DIDN'T want to happen.

"Look—even if I was still stuck up on him—he's a cop. The second it clicked for him who I was he lost every ounce of affection he had for me. I had not seen him since the OD at Akai Heya and he hasn't tried to contact me or cause any issues." Fai chanced a glance at Seishiro and found the man watching him closely.

"So, what did I see, then?"

"I honestly have no clue-" Fai threw out another awkward laugh in an attempt to seem more embarrassed than totally frazzled.

He should have topped off before they had left the new building.

"—I blacked out. The last few months have been hard. That doesn't excuse my stupid decision, but I get that it's not a mistake I can afford to repeat." Signaling to get onto the freeway, Fai watched the rearview and let the silence hang to force a response.

"That's not what I was asking. We both know you know that." Seishiro glanced over his shoulder to double check they were clear—and Fai pretended to concentrate on merging to buy himself time to answer that one.

He actually had no clue what Seishiro was asking.

Kurogane had been sparse with the details and Fai had no clue if Seishiro had seen him show up at the apartment like a pitiful child, if he had watched them through the windows before Fai had clunked out, if he had seen them in bed together, or if he was talking about the fact that Kurogane had dropped him back off at his house.

The best answer Fai really had was simple—whatever Seishiro had seen, it had been one hell of a hot mess.

He hadn't thought too hard about it because ultimately, it didn't matter. Kurogane didn't deserve to get sucked into the dumpster fire that was Fai's life—so it didn't matter how the blond felt about him. He was firm in his decision to keep the cop safe and sound—and Kurogane didn't seem to want him around so much as he wanted an apology for the shitty behavior.

It was handled.

He just needed Seishiro to understand that.

"I'm not trying to be cute right now—" Fai cut himself off and took a deep breath. "I honestly only know what happened after I got up. What did you see?"

"A problem."

Fai gripped the steering wheel a little tighter—anxiety instantly transforming into pure frustration—re-kindling the pissy mood that had been dogging him since his nightmare.

He knew better than to open his mouth again. That was only going to get him in trouble. Butting heads wasn't going to do him any good and if Fai wanted to get Seishiro to see what he was seeing—the best thing to do was to accept his concerns and put his money where his mouth was.

It wasn't like he had a good record with the sober thing—but if he didn't get drunk he couldn't fuck up again. Getting cranky and defensive over rightful concern only came off as denial of the problem—and that was only going to push Seishiro into making the decisions for Fai.

That was the last thing he wanted so it was time to show some contrition.

Like he really needed another thing to worry about.

Fai took a few minutes to breath and relax as he collected his thoughts. Everything was ok—it wasn't the end of the world—and Seishiro putting pressure on him like this could be used to his advantage. Fai might hate being told what to do, but sometimes a little forced accountability was a good thing.

It wasn't like his plans were really changing—he had already identified that he was going to need to put a permanent barrier between himself and the cop. Ghosting Kurogane and leaving him to find out on his own just how bad of an idea Fai really was hadn't been enough.

Fai didn't know why Kurogane had let him in—but whatever that reason was was what needed to be addressed. He was hoping all the younger man needed was an apology and a firm reminder of just how dangerous Fai really was.

That was best case—worst case wasn't something he was willing to consider just yet.

Normally, Fai always planned for the worst case scenario, but thinking about body bags was a big nope right now. He had a lot he needed to get done tonight and he was going to give himself enough credit and trust that he would know how to handle whatever Kurogane threw at him without prior planning.

No need to make it too hard.

The silence hung thick between them until Fai pulled into the parking garage right next to his own supercar. As soon as he shifted the car into park, the locks popped and Seishiro reached for the door handle—either done dealing with the blond's shit for the day or assuming that was all he had needed to address with the man.

Fai hit the master lock on the driver's door even though he knew that was going to piss Seishiro off. There was no use in playing nice after that talk and it was time to pull rank and get it over with—he had gotten his own scolding and now it was time to return the favor.

He was far from the only fuck up here.

"Wait a minute. I also need to talk to you before we head in." Fai normally wasn't one to retaliate—and he wasn't really if you looked at the big picture.

For Seishiro, though, this was going to seem like pure petty revenge and there wasn't a damn thing Fai could do to fix that now. They didn't have time to wait—and he needed to redistribute responsibilities today.

Seishiro turned to look at him but didn't otherwise respond—from the harsh way his jaw was still set, Fai could tell that he was not a happy hostage but for the want of a nail, the shoe was lost.

He would rather deal with the immediate consequences and lay down the new rules than watch everything go up in flames. Fai might like to come off as the good guy whenever it was possible—but at the end of the day, he was a drug lord.

He didn't have to be nice.

"We've been working together a long time and I trust you to handle your shit—You're not incompetent by anyone's measure, but Reed has somehow managed to become a big enough thorn in my side that I'm going to take a more hands on approach this time." Fai spoke with confidence he didn't have—but he kept it as polite and detached as possible.

Seishiro's lips curled into the kind of smile that oozed more truculence than Fai had been prepared for. Not the antagonizing, almost unhinged smirk he was used to getting on nights like the one he had made an example out of Ryuu or when he had murdered Tatsuo.

No.

This was a cold, calculated and very controlled display, and Fai had no clue where it was coming from.

That sure as hell hadn't been the kind of reaction he had been looking for. Fai was usually pretty good at predicting where uncomfortable conversations like this were going to go—Seishiro was supposed to be angry-not throwing off major fiendish serial killer vibes.

Fai could handle an angry Seishiro—Excited Seishiro was terrifying.

Whatever deep dark pit of evil this emotion had been festering in didn't matter because it wasn't targeted at Fai—thank whatever gods there may be for that—but it was obviously dangerous. The controlled kind of danger that made Seishiro deadlier than any other member of the drug ring. He was a different breed than Fai—and that smile was exactly the reminder he needed to reaffirm why he did what he did.

If men like Seishiro were left unchecked with the kind of power Fai's position allowed, the city was the definition of fucked.

Fai had gotten where he was protecting what was precious to him from people like Seishiro.

And why even though it was slowly killing him, he wasn't ready to hang up the towel any time soon.

"And here you had me convinced you'd gone soft." Seishiro shrugged and dialed the creep factor back by about half as he turned his attention back towards the windshield.

The adrenaline dump Fai got from that single sentence put the stress of the last months to shame. There was a lot to unpack there—and it was going to involve a lot more than seeing that threat as what it was. You couldn't afford to go soft. That didn't end well for anyone, and all the connections in the world wouldn't protect him if that happened.

The stakes were much higher than he had originally thought, and it was time to take things seriously. The thought that the older man may have been jealous of Kurogane in any way, shape, or form had never even crossed the blond's mind-but Seishiro getting hostile over Fai's recent Kuro-induced distraction was something he should have been taking more seriously.

Fai had been taking it seriously-he might have caught some seriously pesky feelings for the cop and his cute furry sidekick-but he had been aware of the consequences of trying to make Kurogane a permanent fixture in his life.

While he had never really let himself entertain the idea of going steady with him-Seishiro couldn't read his mind and Fai's recent actions hadn't matched his reassurances.

"Spoiled maybe, but not soft." Fai slapped on a purposefully relaxed mask. Why appear worried about something that he couldn't allow to be true? "I pay you to handle this shit so I don't have to."

"We both know this is well above my pay grade. Don't forget that Reed is after you—not me." Seishiro wasn't wrong.

When Fai took the wheel of the drug ring, he had done the dirty work himself. To keep his coveted seat, he needed to do the same. Seishiro had been an ally then and he was—for the time being, at least—an ally now.

That didn't mean he was going to do it for Fai, though—it just didn't work that way.

"If you wanted a raise all you had to do was ask, you know." The joke earned him something in between an amused huff and an annoyed sigh. They both knew it wasn't really about his already hefty salary.

No amount of money in the world would be worth it for Seishiro to play the kind of politics that were necessary to root out a rat like Reed. This was bigger than Fai, Seishiro, or any one person in the city. It needed to be a group effort and Seishiro didn't play well with others more often than not. "You know if I fuck this up, it's gonna be a real big headache for you, too, right?"

"So don't fuck it up." Seishiro deadpanned and pulled his pack of cigarettes back out of his suit in preparation to get out of the car.

That was one way to end a conversation—it wasn't like it was actually anywhere near that simple, but Fai was going to take it.

"You know… I never thought about that!" Hitting the lock on the door, he crawled out of the car before Seishiro could respond to the snarky jab. When the head enforcer got to his feet as well, he didn't look anywhere near as pissed off as he had been before—and the eerie aggression had faded as well, leaving them with the good ol' emotionless and slightly bored jerk that they all knew and loved.

Fai cut the banter and headed for the back offices of Kurōbā. He sent a group text to Hisui, Kokuyo, and the Sumaragi brothers to meet him in the break room in 30 minutes. It was time to come up with the game plan for delegating most of his responsibilities so he could spend the majority of his time networking and strengthening his ties in the underground.

While he waited for them to do as he asked, Fai headed to the bathroom and cut and downed a little pick-me-up before leaning against the sink and pulling his cell out. His heart ached as he scrolled through his contacts and landed on the photo from the first night he had met Kurogane.

It was way easier to tap that photo and initiate the call then it should have been. He wasn't looking forward to the talk he was going to have to have—but Fai felt his stomach fluttering nervously as the phone rang because when he was actually honest with himself—he just wanted to hear the younger man's voice.

Good and bad scenarios played out in his head and Fai was sure he was going to get voicemail when the last ring cut out. He expected the silence on the other line to end with a generic electronic voice informing him to leave a message—and Fai closed his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath when Kurogane actually answered with all the slightly angry and somewhat confused tones in his voice that the blond had been expecting.

"What?"