A/N: For this chapter we will be diving into the mind of 9S...and it is not a happy place right now. Many thanks to those of you who have taken the time to check out this story. I really appreciate it and hope you'll continue to enjoy these chapters as they come out. Best wishes and God bless you all!
Disclaimer: NieR: Automata is the property of Square Enix, Platinum Games, Yoko Taro, and everyone else affiliated with the production of this game. This story is merely a Fanfiction.
Warnings: Because this chapter is taking place from 9S' perspective...there will be mentions of suicidal thoughts and other depressing things. Additionally, there are substantial spoilers for the game contained within this chapter so...if you've been reading this without playing the game...you're about to get spoiled on a lot of story beats. But enough about all that. Let's get this show on the road!
Those are...my memories...
But why...
No.
Not this again.
How many more times do I have to relive these moments? How many more times can I endure the shame and despair flooding through every inch of my internal systems?
How many times will I see her?
How many more times will I have to kill to escape this burden?
That's 2B's data. I know these are just memories, but still...
Like a rushing wind the data screens pix-elate and disappear into the void of my memory space one by one, leaving me breathless as I stand before the fragmented image of my comrade, my friend...
My executioner...
During the course of our time together, I struggled between the desperation to win 2B's affection and the dormant yet very present desire to run my blade through her body as payback for all the different times she'd stolen my life and memories.
Day after day, I buried the more negative feelings into my subconscious processing system. Those emotions were so ugly, so wrought with unfair and callous judgments toward a person who was only performing their duty to YoRHa...for the glory of mankind.
What a sick, twisted joke it all was.
Our suffering...
That vicious cycle of life and death...
All for a meaningless, empty cause.
Humanity died out a long time ago.
YoRHa Units were designed to be killed.
Our Black Boxes are made from parts of machine cores, which means I am no different from a machine in the end.
Looking back, I feel as if I'd always known this somewhere deep down - this idea that machines and androids truly aren't all that different.
But the concept wasn't one I could accept. Machines were the enemy. I didn't dare question that for long...because admitting we were the same made everything else pointless. More than the truth of humanity's extinction, learning YoRHa androids are nearly identical to the enemy in our cores was...damning to say the least.
This space is where I found myself after discovering this fact.
Here, standing before an image of 2B...I lost myself.
No, don't...
Don't do this!
Memory after memory transformed into pixels Data 2B absorbed into her body.
No matter how much rage I felt toward the machines and A2 for robbing me of her presence beside me...
What I hated more was knowing I hadn't been the one to end her existence.
Whether living or dead, 2B was mine.
Mine.
MINE!
THESE BELONG TO ME AND ME ALONE!
GET AWAY FROM THEM!
With guttural cries I unleash every pent up feeling I'd stashed away. Tears cascade down my face with every attack against the amalgamation of 2B's data. This thing...
It was a monster.
She was a monster!
THEY'RE MINE!
My memories! You hear me!
Straddling the pixel being I bring my blade down again and again and again.
I don't know when it became 2B.
But seeing her there beneath me, bloody and lifeless, didn't deter my movements. My blade embedded itself into her chest again and again and again.
Even now my muscles cry from exertion, just as they did then.
Even now...I can't bring myself to stop.
Because even like this she's beautiful. My 2B was always so beautiful.
But it hurts to do this. I feel as if I'm stabbing myself over and over.
This isn't right.
I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop but I can't.
I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't...
I...
...
I don't know why I find myself reliving this memory so often.
I don't...remember everything that happened in the tower.
I'm not sure if what happened there even matters to me anymore.
All I know is that I'm here in this never-ending loop of shame for what I did in this moment.
I hate what I did here. I hate the things I felt.
This was the moment I became the monster.
My body is in an extended rest mode. I know that from the feedback loop that starts and stops at random. YoRHa androids often experience what humans would have called a dream-like state in on and off cycles. It mostly serves as an emergency memory backup system. Before YoRHa fell, I rarely found myself in that dream-like state, but other Scanner models easily recounted details from their dreams.
I used to be jealous of them.
Now I just laugh at my past self's naivete. I would give anything to never know what dreaming was like after all the times I've been thrust back to this horrible, painful experience.
I wish it would all stop.
I don't want to hurt 2B again.
I love her.
I wanted...to protect her.
I wanted...to save her.
But...
...
The memory fades away from me, leaving me in the hacking space alone. In a few minutes, the sequence of events will repeat once more.
"No more..." Whimpering I curl in on myself and close my eyes. "Please..."
A soft echo reaches my ears, interrupting my words.
"Footsteps?"
Though concerned about the deviation from the norm, I don't have the energy to get up from the floor, so I open my eyes and turn my head in the direction of the sound.
"What is..."
A luminous, featureless silhouette continues its approach, their footsteps clacking against the ground as it draws near. The shape of the figure is distinctly feminine by design, but its too bright for me to determine anything else about it.
By slow increments it kneels before me on my right side, and it's a physical strain for me to pivot so that I'm lying on my back. I definitely don't have the strength to defend myself if this is an enemy of some sort.
If this thing is here to kill me...
"Just end it already..."
Though the creature has no face, its body language shows reservation. This entity, or whatever it is, doesn't seem dangerous, but the otherworldly nature of this thing gives off a powerful aura. It's very likely that this figure could kill me if it wanted to.
"Kill me. Please..."
A whimper catches in my throat as the figure's hand reaches out to clutch mine. Immediate warmth flows into me, bringing a sense of serenity I never thought I could feel.
"Could it...could it be?"
Its fingers, delicate and soft, slip through the spaces between my own.
Tears flow out from my eyes.
"2...B...?"
Upon uttering her name, the figure draws back from me. A heavy sensation fills me at the loss of contact.
"W-wait..." I call out, trying in vain to reach out to the retreating figure. "Please don't...don't go!"
The silhouette, though it doesn't return to my side, pivots on their heel as another distorted silhouette enters into this space. The feminine figure moves as if their talking to the other figure, and after a few minutes, the second figure disappears into the void while the feminine figure takes a seat on the floor a short distance away.
It doesn't look at me or acknowledge me when I try to talk to it, but it stays put without moving an inch.
I'm not alone here anymore.
Comforted by this, the dream-state starts to fade from my vision, lulling my internal processors into a more productive rest mode. Maybe with this my body will actually recover enough for me to regain consciousness so I can figure out what happened to me.
The silhouette turns in my direction a final time, its posture and general demeanor ringing familiar, but not enough for me to tell who its reminiscent of. That's something I'll investigate later when it matters.
Right now, I'm just grateful for the peace this entity brought my way. No matter how fleeting that peace may be, it's enough to re-calibrate my emotional settings to a more stable level. Of course, even that is a temporary fix for the deeper issues in need of data overhaul, but this is the best I can bank on with the Bunker gone.
And even when I do recover...what's left for me out there?
In the tower I faced A2, but the battle is hazy for me right now. I don't remember how it ended.
Is she still alive?
...
If...A2 is still alive then...
...
I have to kill her. She killed 2B. I can't forgive her for that. She has to pay for what she did...
But...
...
Killing A2...won't bring 2B back to me.
...
2B is gone and I...
...
Glancing at the familiar entity a final time, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Now isn't the time to think about any of that. Just focus on resting."
A/N: This chapter turned out...a lot shorter than I thought it would. Poor 9S just can't seem to catch a break no matter what. Maybe things will get better for him in future chapters. Stay tuned to find out how. Many thanks to all of you who have read this story thus far. I really appreciate it and wish all of you a fantastic day. Best wishes and God bless you all!