A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated this story! It's been a busy school year. :P I hope you like the new chapter!
They were about an hour from Boston when Emma felt Henry tap her shoulder. Her questioning gaze met his in the rear-view mirror. He nodded in the direction of Regina.
The brunette had a sad, faraway look on her face as she gazed out the window. She was gripping her upper arms tightly, hugging herself.
"Hey, you okay Regina?" Emma asked. "You've been pretty quiet."
Regina seemed to break out of a trance as she turned to face Emma. "Oh... um... I'm fine."
"You sure?" Emma glanced at her briefly, before turning her attention back to the road.
Regina nodded. She turned to look back at Henry for a few moments, returning the smile that was offered to her with a small one of her own.
"You're not having second thoughts about coming are you?" The ten-year old asked.
"No, not at all. I was just... preoccupied with my own thoughts."
"Oh... what were you thinking about?"
"Oh nothing important really."
The others could hear it in her voice that she was lying but neither decided to press her.
"We're gonna be near the city soon." Henry changed the subject. "Are you excited to see it again? It's so different from Storybrooke. All the skyscrapers… the old buildings... and there's so many people and so many places to go..."
"Yes, it will be interesting to see it again after so long." Regina responded. "Boston will always hold a special place in my heart; it was where I first got to hold you when you were a baby."
Henry blushed a little at that. "Yeah."
"I'm still not sure how Henry ended up all the way out here when he was born in Arizona." Emma said thoughtfully.
Regina tugged at the collar of her blouse uncomfortably.
"It's too bad we can't spend more time downtown today." Henry commented.
"Yes that is unfortunate." Regina raised a hand to her forehead and Henry noticed that her hand was shaking.
"Mom are you alright?"
She glanced back at him briefly but had to look away, she looked almost guilty and Henry couldn't understand why. Her breathing was starting to become much heavier than usual.
"Regina what is it?" Emma asked in concern. "Are you feeling sick?"
"I'm... I don't know." She breathed.
"Do you need me to pull over?"
"No there's no need for that. I'm sure I'll be– actually you know what, maybe you'd better." Regina said shakily.
"What's wrong?" Came Henry's worried voice from the backseat.
"There's a rest stop a few minutes away but I can pull over to the side of the road if it's urgent." Emma said.
"The rest stop should be fine." Regina responded, closing her eyes.
"You sure?"
Regina nodded.
"Kay, I'll try to get there as fast as I can."
"Thank you." The brunette whispered.
Henry leaned forward and placed a hand on his mother's shoulder. She jumped at first, but relaxed when she realized it was just him. She reached back for him and their hands clasped, hers gently squeezing his.
Emma and Henry stood with Regina in a small park at the rest stop. There were trees, picnic tables, a few drinking fountains and some pathways. There weren't very many people around, with the exception of a family of four having lunch and a couple walking their dog. Emma's arm was draped around Henry's shoulders as Regina stood with her back to them, trying to get her breathing back to normal. She was clutching her waist and was slightly shivering.
When her breathing had evened out, she turned to face the other two but kept her gaze fixed on the ground. Her skin was a little flushed.
"I'm sorry for making you stop." She said quietly.
"Hey, don't worry about it." Emma replied easily. "Are you feeling any better at least?"
Regina closed her eyes, swallowing. "I'm a little dizzy."
"Oh," Emma frowned, stepping forward. "Is there anything I can do?"
"No... thank you but I think I just need a bit more fresh air."
"Maybe you'd feel better if you had something to eat?"
Regina shook her head. She looked at Henry and took a step towards him before she stopped. She buried her forehead in her hands and shut her eyes tightly.
"Emma…" She breathed.
"What is it? What do you need?" The blonde was at her side in an instant.
"Can you take me to the bathroom? I think I'm going to be sick."
"Yeah of course. Here."
Regina felt Emma's arm go around her waist and she held on to the blonde's shoulders.
Henry followed them until they got inside.
"Henry stay right here okay?" Emma instructed. "Don't go wandering. I'm going to stay with your mom."
"Okay." Henry eyed Regina worriedly as he stood by the vending machines. His mother was still being supported by Emma and she was incredibly pale. "Is she going to be okay?"
Regina nodded. "I'll be fine Henry, don't worry."
Henry waited outside of the bathroom nervously. He paced slowly back and forth for something to do, and tried to ignore the distant sounds of his mother's coughing. As he half-heartedly examined the wall of tourist brochures, he listened to the muffled voice of his birthmother but couldn't make out any of what she was saying.
After a few minutes the door to the bathroom opened and Henry could hear a toilet flushing.
"Hey kid," Emma called to him in a low voice.
He walked over to her. "Is she okay?"
"She should be. I think she might've had a panic attack."
"What from?"
Emma shrugged apologetically. "But listen, can you run back to the car and grab your mom's purse?"
Henry nodded.
She tossed him the keys. "Thanks Henry."
She watched him leave and then retreated into the restroom again.
Regina had just finished washing her hands and was leaning forward against the counter, staring wearily down into the sink. Her knuckles were white as she gripped the surface's edge.
"How are you feeling?" Emma asked, leaning against the counter next to her.
"Well... I've certainly been better."
"Do you think it could be a reaction to the medication you're on?"
"No. I'm not taking any prescriptions right now apart from the sleeping pills." Regina sighed.
"Maybe those are making you queasy?"
"I don't think it's the pills."
"Did you maybe have a panic attack?"
Regina met her gaze momentarily. "Who knows."
"Could it be about Boston? Since you haven't been outside of Storybrooke in so long?"
"I'm not afraid of a little extra traffic and a few strangers."
"Well, it's a bit more than a few." Emma said lightly.
Regina glanced sideways at her, a hint of colour returning to her cheeks.
"No..." Regina said. "I'm sure it's just a bit of carsickness, nothing more."
"Alright." Emma said, her tone a little disbelieving.
There was a knock at the door and Emma went to get the black leather Burberry handbag from Henry.
"Here you go," Emma offered it to the brunette.
Regina nodded her thanks and began rummaging through its contents. She removed a travel toothbrush and toothpaste from a small makeup case.
"Thank you for your help Emma." The mayor said a bit self-consciously. "Now why don't you go see how Henry's doing? It makes me nervous, him being out there on his own."
"Okay, but let me know if you need anything else."
Regina nodded, giving the blonde a tiny smile of thanks.
When Regina emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, Henry was instantly at her side.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
She brushed his hair with her fingers. "I'm fine Henry."
"Did you have a panic attack?"
Regina's brow furrowed as she looked up at Emma. The blonde had a slightly guilty look on her face.
Regina wrapped an arm around her son's shoulders. "Why don't we just go back to the car? We need to get back on the road if we want to have time to go to that comic book store of yours."
"Here," Emma said. "I got you some water Regina." She passed her the plastic bottle.
"Oh. Thank you, that was thoughtful."
"Don't mention it." Emma grinned.
When the three were on their way back to the yellow bug, Emma heard her phone buzzing. She stared at the screen a little hesitantly. "It's work. I s'pose I'd better answer..."
"Your bail bonds job?" Regina asked.
"Well I never actually went back to working there so technically I guess it's just an old colleague."
"Then why is he calling you on a Saturday?" Henry wondered.
"Well bail bonds doesn't exactly follow bankers hours Henry." Emma nudged him lightly in the shoulder. "I was supposed to return his call to tell him whether or not I wanted my old position back... and I might've forgot."
"And do you want to go back?" Henry asked a little nervously.
"I don't think so. Not now that things have changed. If I'm staying in Storybrooke it makes more sense to go back to the Sheriff's Station."
Henry felt Regina hold him tighter.
"I'll go take this." Emma said, "I'll try to be quick."
Henry watched her as she accepted the call and walked away to chat in private. He looked up and noticed that Regina was staring at him, she looked bothered by something.
"What?" He asked.
"I'm sorry if I'm ruining your trip. Maybe I should have stayed home after all." She said quietly.
"You're not ruining anything. I'm glad you came."
Regina gave him a small smile.
"So, what were you thinking about in the car?" He asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Mom, I can tell when something's bothering you. You don't need to hide anything from me."
Regina sighed.
"Mom, please tell me? You said last night that you wanted to fix things between us. Maybe being more open with each other is how."
She nodded slowly, before looking around and noticing a bench nearby. "Here, why don't we sit down."
When they'd settled, she took one of his hands in both of her own.
"I was remembering." She answered simply.
"Remembering what?"
"Something that happened while you were away. Something that could have changed – no – something that could have ruined everything."
"You mean when you..." Henry couldn't finish the sentence.
"No, not last Monday. It was before that. Late in the week after you'd gone. I just missed you, so much. I hadn't heard from you and I took that as a complete rejection." Her voice started to quiver. "I knew you didn't need me anymore, but I still needed you and I thought you would never want to come back to me. I thought you hated me. And that hurt so much... and I..." She swallowed heavily. "I didn't think I could go on feeling that way for the rest of my life."
"Mom..." He said quietly. "I'm really sorry."
"Henry please don't apologize. I'm not saying any of this to hurt you. It's as I said yesterday, I should have tried harder to make sure you knew how much you mean to me."
Henry gazed at her sadly. He knew she was not completely to blame. She had tried reaching out to him many times over the past few years. And every time he had pushed her away. Eventually she'd started giving up. That was until he'd told her he was leaving. Once she'd heard that, she had tried so hard to make amends with him. But he wouldn't let her because, as he'd told Emma in Boston, he didn't think she deserved it.
"So what happened then?" He asked. "What was the thing that could have ruined everything?"
Regina's gaze dropped to their clasped hands.
She thought back to two Fridays ago:
…
She was in the main hall of her vault under her family mausoleum. Hot tears streamed down her face as she worked on the potion with shaking hands. It had only been one week and yet it seemed like a lifetime since she'd last seen Henry. She needed him back.
Supposedly, the pain of losing someone was supposed to become more bearable as time progressed, but that had never been her experience. For her, the pain only intensified as time moved on, as had been her experience with Daniel. However, the pain she'd suffered as a result of losing him had been nothing compared to the agony she was feeling now.
She couldn't live without Henry.
But he was never coming back.
She poured the final ingredient – a grotesque looking black liquid – into the memory potion. White smoke billowed from the draught as her hand enclosed around the goblet.
Her footsteps echoed as she paced slowly, staring miserably down into the cup. She wiped a few tears from her face but her actions were futile; knowing what was about to happen to her only caused yet more tears to fall.
"Henry..." She whispered. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better mother."
Trying to prepare herself, she took a deep, shaky breath.
"I tried, I really did. But I should never have dragged you into my wretched life. You deserved better than me. I shouldn't have been so selfish."
Her lips trembled as she raised the goblet. Her mouth touched the rim of the cup for a brief moment before she closed her eyes, and had to stop.
She gave an involuntary whimper at the thought of what she was about to do.
"I love you Henry..." She whispered. "But I can't love you anymore. I have to allow myself the chance to move on, and I know I'll never be able to let go of you on my own."
She raised the cup to her lips again, tipping the contents towards her mouth. However when she felt the liquid brush her lips she panicked, quickly lowering the goblet.
Weeping, she wiped her mouth to get rid of any remnants of the potion and forcefully placed the goblet down on the table in front of her.
Her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she collapsed delicately to the floor in an emotional heap.
"I can't." She whispered, distraught. "I don't want to forget you."
She pressed a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle the cries that could no longer be held back.
She was disappointed in herself because she was too weak to save herself, and now she was going to have to live with this torment for the rest of her life.
…
"Mom?" Henry asked, snapping her out of her reverie.
"I'm sorry." She said distractedly.
"What happened when I was gone?"
She looked at him desperately. She really wanted to be honest with him but there was no way she could tell him the truth.
"Monday wasn't the first time you tried to kill yourself was it?" Henry asked quietly.
Regina felt her heart clench upon hearing those words come from her son's mouth, but he had just given her the perfect out and she wouldn't have to lie to use it.
"No, it wasn't. But it was the first time I went through with it."
"What did you try to do the other time?"
He felt her hands tighten nervously around his.
"It was p–" She stopped herself. She had been about to say poison – it being the closest she could think of to the truth – but the last thing she needed right now was another reason for Henry to connect her to the Evil Queen. His mind would surely go straight to poisoned apples.
"I mean it was the pills. The same ones I ended up taking a few days later."
Henry nodded his understanding. "What stopped you the first time?" His voice was starting to shake.
Regina brushed his hair back gently. "You did. I knew if I died then I would stop remembering you. I may not have had you with me darling but I needed to hold on to those memories of us. They were all I had left of you. But then... by Monday the pain was just too strong. I missed you so much Henry. And I didn't think I could go on living without you."
Henry wiped his eyes with his sleeve.
"And so I am eternally grateful to you. If I had gone ahead and taken those pills that first time, it would have been far too late by the time you called and anyone realized what had happened. So Henry, do you know what this means?"
The ten-year-old shook his head, sniffling.
"It means you saved my life twice last week."
He gave a small smile, and Regina pulled him into her warm embrace. She smiled as she felt his arms wrap securely around her. She pressed her cheek to the top of his head, closing her eyes.
Neither of them heard Emma approaching. "Sorry that took so long." She said.
They were still hugging as they both looked up at her, and she realized by their expressions that she had walked in on something.
"Oh, sorry guys I didn't mean to intrude. Is everything okay?"
Regina smiled down at Henry. "Yes, everything's fine Emma."
Henry was holding on to his mother in an almost protective stance. His head was leaning against her shoulder and he nodded at Emma, agreeing with his mother.
"Are you feeling better now Regina?" Emma asked.
"I am, thank you." The brunette responded with a soft look in her eyes.
"That's good to hear." Emma smiled at them both. "What do you say then, should we get back on the road?"
A/N: Thank you for reading! Again, I am sorry it took so long to update. Don't forget to Review! I'd love to hear from you. It also lets me know whether or not people are still interested in the story. :)