CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

Throughout November, the boys had managed to keep Remus' secret from Jane. James had also come up with a way to help Remus out, but he was going to need a lot of time for it. The process didn't come quickly. The spectacular map they had been working on since their first year had to be put away for their new project. On occasion, Jane had found James and Sirius in the library pouring over really advanced Transfiguration material, which she found rather odd. However, when asked about it, the boys said it was merely for curiosity's sake.

Jane, much to James' chagrin, had been hanging out with Aaron more and more. They had become such great friends, and all James could do was watch, seeing as how Jane refused to listen to him about the subject. She hadn't listened to him about Remus either, and look who turned out correct? Of course, he couldn't tell her that.

On the nineteenth of December, Jane and the boys boarded the Hogwarts Express and started on their way back to London. Jane's stomach was in a knot the entire way to Kings Cross a) because of the detention she had gotten back at the beginning of November and b) because of Sarah. Her parents were going to be mad at her, no matter how many Quidditch pictures she showed them. And Sarah, well, Jane was just wondering how weird this holiday was going to be. After all, Sarah only lived a few houses over. It'd be strange to see her after what had happened between them. They hadn't once communicated since that day at Sarah's mum's wedding.

Jane almost didn't want to get off the train, and once she did, she prolonged the saying of goodbyes for as long as she could before she walked through the barrier. She only had to look at her dad to know what he was thinking. He had this we'll-talk-about-it-in-the-car look on his face, so he obviously hadn't forgotten about her detention.

They walked to the car in silence, and Jane climbed into the backseat. As soon as the car got on the road, her dad started in.

"Jane, how could you?" he asked.

"I missed you too, Dad," Jane said, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Stop it, Janie," her mum said.

Jane just shook her head and stared out the window.

"We just don't understand what's been wrong with you this past year," her dad said. "Sneaking out after curfew, Jane? Why would you do that?"

"I don't know," Jane said in a monotone voice.

"You don't know?" her father said.

"Yup," Jane said, wishing she were with James and Sirius.

"I can't talk to her, Mary," Jane's dad said to her mum. "It's not doing any good. She's just going to sit there and mock us—"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Jane said, getting annoyed.

"Well, tell us what's going on with you! Getting into fights. Sneaking out. Lying to us and going off to a friend's house without our permission. For heaven's sake, just last school term, you got a detention for calling a teacher a foul name!" Jane's dad said.

"Hey! I didn't call him anything; it was Sirius! But the tosser, who, might I add, doesn't even work at the school anymore, decided to give us all a detention. It wasn't even my fault," Jane said.

"No, it was those friends you hang around. Maybe they're what's wrong with you. You didn't have this whole attitude problem before you started going to that school," her father said.

"There's nothing wrong with my friends," Jane defended. "They're nice to me, and they care about me."

"I think they're bad influences," her father said.

"Well, I don't really care what you think," Jane blurted out.

"To your room, now," Jane's dad commanded as soon as they walked through the door of the house.

Jane gladly obliged. She quickly ran up the stairs and into her room. She slammed the door behind her and flopped down on her bed. She stared at the ceiling. She had basically gotten yelled at the whole ride home after what she had said. But her parents didn't know what they were talking about, and they definitely didn't have the right to talk down about her friends.

Of course, Jane knew she shouldn't have done it. She knew she shouldn't have egged it on. She should have gotten in the car and kept her mouth shut. But lately, it seemed that she couldn't help herself. She just had to make a sarcastic remark. She just had to get the last word in. She just had to get defensive. She just had to…try to hurt someone.

She was definitely hurting her family. She felt terrible about it. She knew it was her fault. Her parents had fought before, but now whenever they fought, it was about her. The problem was, Jane would say or do whatever she wanted to without thinking about the repercussions. Then later, when her parents were fighting, or she just had time to think about it, it made her feel like an awful person. It didn't have that same adrenaline rush that it had had before. Now, it was just habitual. And she didn't really like it anymore, but she almost couldn't help it now.

Jane could hear her parents yelling at each other downstairs.

"You still think she's fine, Mary? Still think it's just a stage?"

"Stop yelling at me, Patrick."

"What are we going to do, Mary? She's getting more and more out of control."

"I know, Patrick! I know! We'll talk about it tomorrow. Okay?"

"No, we need to talk about it right now. We need to do something about this now. Not later."

"Oh, what are we going to do? Put her on restriction? Give her another reason to hate coming home?"

"Mary, you're not still on about that? That happened months ago."

"Well, it still hurts, okay? She's my daughter, and she didn't come home because she'd rather spend her time with some other family."

"Just because your feelings are hurt, doesn't mean you should stop being a parent. You hardly wanted to do anything about her fighting this summer because you were afraid she wouldn't like you or something!"

"Don't talk to me like I don't know how to be a good mother!"

"Well, right now, you don't! You're too worried about her liking you, but you're not supposed to be her friend! You're supposed to be her mum!"

"What am I supposed to do, Patrick? Go upstairs and yell at her like you do? Because that's really worked for you so far!"

"I'd like you to do something! Something other than standing there and pretending she did nothing wrong! You're the reason she doesn't respect us! You're the reason she thinks she can get away with anything around here!"

"That is not true! I know how to discipline my daughter!"

"Obviously not."

There was a crash, as though someone had dropped a dinner plate on the ground. Jane vaguely realised that she had yet to eat dinner, but she wasn't about to go downstairs.

"Oh, that's nice, Mary. Just throw a tantrum whenever you hear something you don't like! That's great! That's where she gets it after!"

"Leave me alone!"

"No! You know, I gave up my whole life when I married you! My parents didn't want me to, but I did because it was the right thing to do after you were already pregnant with Jane—"

Jane froze. She had known her dad's parents had disowned him for marrying her mum, but she hadn't known about this.

"And I've been the one that had to try and make this family work for thirteen years! Between you and your disorder and between our daughter and her tantrums, and you two just seem to keep making things harder. You know, I could've turned my back on you. I could've left you as a single mother, and hell, I'd probably still be living off my parents' money right now. And you know what? Sometimes, I wish that's what I would've done!"

Jane's breath caught in her throat.

"You don't mean that, Patrick," came Jane's mum's voice.

But whether he did mean it or not wasn't important to Jane. He had said it. Unchecked tears streamed down her cheeks as she sat on her bed, clutching a pillow. She was so destructive. She had destroyed her friendship with Sarah. She was destroying her family. And now, she learned that she had been ruining her parents' lives since before she was even born. She was just a terrible person through and through.

Maybe the world would've been a better place if she hadn't been born at all.