Running Silent:
Right and Wrong
…
An alternate ME3. Commander Shepard and her team are on the run from Cerberus and trying to make alliances before it's too late. In a galaxy with no reaper kill switch, how can they hope to defeat something so ancient and powerful? Their last hope is a desperate plan that may cost them everything. Shepard/Garrus, other side pairings.
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Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to Bioware.
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Shepard strode into her quarters, slamming a fist onto the locking mechanism of the door. Without so much as a glance around the room, she went down the stairs and collapsed into the chair by her bed. Only then did she let her posture droop and expression fall.
She bent forward heavily, elbows on her still-armored knees, and rested her head in her hands. She couldn't get the words of the scientist out of her head.
"Is it really worse than the things you've done, Commander?" said that mocking voice.
"I only did what was necessary."
She had such a hard time now distinguishing whether that was true. At what cost would they win this war? How far did she have to go? How far could she go?
I won't let fear compromise who I am.
She'd said that to the Illusive Man not so long ago, but it felt like an eternity. She'd shot the scientist in a flash of anger without even a moment of hesitation. Maybe she was already lost. Right now, all the lines seemed to blur. Was she hero or terrorist or somewhere in between?
She knew that the Alpha relay had to be destroyed. As much as those deaths weighed upon her, as much as she wished she could have saved them, she knew that the reapers would have poured through that relay and unleashed hell on the galaxy if she hadn't done what she did. The colonists would have died anyway, at the hands of the reapers. This death was a mercy in comparison to what the reapers would have done.
So why did the scientist's words sting so much?
"Commander?" EDI's voice suddenly rang out through the room.
Shepard let out a heavy sigh. "What is it now, EDI?" she asked tiredly.
"Your armor's metabolic scans are showing signs of distress. Can I aid you in any way?"
She managed a half-hearted smile at the AI's attempt to help. It was the thought that counted, she supposed. "No, EDI, but thanks."
"The doctor has previously suggested using a confidant to relieve your psychological stressors. Is there anyone I can call to your quarters for you?"
"No," Shepard replied quickly, eyes widening at the idea. "Definitely not." She dropped her head into her hands again. Burdening someone else wasn't going to fix this.
After a moment, the AI spoke up again. "Then perhaps you would like to confide in me?"
Shepard, head jerking up, couldn't hide her disbelief. "You?" she said incredulously. "Why would I do that? Um, no offense."
"I am already the keeper of many secrets on the Normandy. I am available at any time, and I am not in a position to make judgments on your behavior."
Shepard dragged a palm across her face wearily. She was too tired for schooling her AI on how to be a normal sentient. "EDI," she said, exasperated, "You're perfectly capable of thinking for yourself. That makes you as free to pass judgment as anyone."
"That is accurate, Shepard," the AI conceded. "However, the potential emotional impact of such conversations will not affect my ability to fulfill my functions as it might with an organic."
Shepard glanced up at the sound of a knock on the door to her quarters. As she stood to go answer it, Shepard considered EDI's words. There was some truth to what the AI was saying. "Thanks, EDI. I'll think about it," she promised, and punched open the door. She never quite knew what to expect from EDI.
Garrus stood before her as the door panels slid apart. "Hey, Shepard. I just wanted to check in on you after that last mission." He looked over her shoulder. "Were you talking to someone?" he asked. "I don't want to interrupt."
She shook her head and motioned him inside. "It was just EDI."
"Anything important?" Garrus asked as he followed her inside.
Shepard started removing pieces of her armor while Garrus sat down on the couch. "No," she said. "EDI was just… offering her services as a therapist, more or less."
He looked at her blankly. "What?"
She managed to muster up a small smile of amusement. "She thinks I need to talk to someone about everything that's going on. She offered her ear, so to speak."
Garrus was quiet as the last piece of Shepard's armor came off, leaving her in her undersuit. She took a rag and some cleaning supplies from the drawer and picked up the chestplate of her armor. He reached out a three fingered hand expectantly, and, with a shrug of her shoulders, Shepard handed him another rag and one of her gauntlets. When they were both settled on the couch working on her armor, he spoke.
"You can't talk to me?" he asked quietly, unable to hide the hurt in his voice.
Shepard bit her lip, frowning down at the armor in her hands. He wanted her to confide in him, but, boyfriend or not, she was still his commander. She wanted to give him this—she trusted him more than she'd ever trusted anyone—but she had never been one to let her crew see her weaknesses. They needed to believe in her, and putting her self-doubt and fear on display wasn't the way to do that. She didn't know where the boundaries were here, not anymore.
Shepard looked up at him. Her eyes roved over his face, searching for something—a hint of doubt, perhaps? The knot in her chest tightened until she felt like she might burst.
"Would you still follow me if I wasn't sure of what I was doing?" she asked suddenly. "If I looked you in the eye and told you how many times I've failed? If I admitted that I just might be leading you all astray?" She paused, staring him down, willing him to say what she feared. "Would you still follow me if I was wrong?"
Silence fell as the two warriors stared at each other, neither knowing quite what to say. The only sound in the room was the quiet whirr of her fish tank.
Shepard suddenly broke their gaze and shot to her feet. "Damn all of this," she swore in frustration. "I know I did the right thing." She paced. "That relay had to be destroyed or I would have been signing the entire galaxy's death sentence. I did what I had to."
There were those words again, the trigger. She dropped back down into her seat on the couch, sagging under the weight of her own decisions. "You know," she began, giving Garrus a sad smile, "The more I say those words, the more they just feel like an excuse. Am I a hero or a murderer? Who even knows anymore?" Her hands tightened into fists.
Garrus watched her as he continued to clean her armor, and finally set aside her gauntlet to reach for her hands. "You're Jane Shepard," he said decisively, weaving her ten fingers among his six. His blue eyes bored into hers, blazing with conviction. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. You're a hero, better than this galaxy deserves," he told her. "You've always done what's right, not what's easy." He paused, his voice softening but eyes still intense. "And I wouldn't follow you if I didn't believe in what you're doing."
The knot in Shepard's chest ached. "Wouldn't you?" she questioned dubiously.
He gazed at her, eyes unreadable, and his hands tightened around hers. "I love you, Jane," he said, "But I'm not blinded by it."
Shepard's breath seized up. Did he even realize what he'd said? Neither of them had dared to use those words before, and yet he'd said it so matter-of-factly, as if it was something that had always been true. Maybe it had.
His eyes looked so sad as he spoke again. "I'll never leave you, Jane, but I would never let you lead us wrong if I could help it. Any time you start to go over the edge, I'll be here to pull you back," he promised.
"Like you're doing now?" she questioned, smiling wryly.
All he did in response was pull her to his chest and hold her there, almost like one would cradle a child who had fallen and scraped their knees. She should have protested, but somewhere deep down, she wanted this. She wanted to relax and let someone else carry the cares of the galaxy for a little while.
In his arms was the only place where she didn't have to be strong.
…
"Not Omega, too many batarians. Council space is out, as is Alliance space, of course. We might be able to dock at Illium again."
"We already know what the council does about rogue Spectres. If they send someone after us, staying out of council space might not be enough."
The last place Liara wanted to be at the moment was exactly where she was—in a room with Shepard, Shepard's boyfriend, and the woman who had brought Shepard back to life. Not that this scenario hadn't played out several times before, of course, but this time she had something on her mind. She had a question she was too afraid to ask, one that every person in that room had a vested interest in.
She tried to listen, tried to participate, as they hashed out logistical plans for supplies and roundabout relay travel, but her mind was still stuck back on Ilos, unable to let go of what had been said there.
"You want to make them fight a war for you, one they've already died for once," Shepard had said of the protheans. "That's sickening."
The parallels were glaringly obvious.
She hadn't thought about it in some time now, but those words had brought all her old doubts back in force. She remembered what Shepard had said the first time she asked, back on Illium.
"You did the right thing, Liara. My mission is important. I couldn't do it if you hadn't given me to Cerberus."
If that was the only reason Shepard was glad to be back, Liara wished she could have let her go.
Was Shepard truly glad to be back or was it just the mission? Liara glanced at Shepard and Garrus, the way they sat just a little closer together than they used to. They probably did not even realize all the small changes to their behavior, but she noticed everything. She'd noticed it that same first day on Illium, that something between them had already changed by then, whether or not they were aware of it. Liara hoped and prayed that this was enough to make Shepard happy to be alive. Or at least that something was.
In that moment, Liara made a decision. If there was ever anything she could do to make it worth it, anything she could do for Shepard that would give her a reason to live, she would do it. After all, she'd been the one to give Shepard's body to Cerberus. She forced this life upon Shepard. The least she could do was make it worthwhile.
…
Miranda was about to get back on the Normandy when the call came in.
Sender blocked, her omni-tool said. She glanced around her. Despite the docking tube being empty, Miranda had the strangest feeling of being watched.
The fuel depot had been crowded, she reasoned—perhaps someone had recognized her or the ship. She ought to hurry and get back on the Normandy, but EDI was always listening. The timing of the call had been no coincidence. Whoever was calling obviously wanted to speak with her privately. She considered her options as the omni-tool continued to ring.
Against her better judgment, Miranda took the call.
A vid feed popped up as she answered the call, static clearing to display a familiar figure taking a drag on a cigarette. "Miranda," he greeted.
She sucked in a sudden breath, eyes narrowing. "Illusive Man," she said in kind, immediately hiding her surprise and fear. It wouldn't do to allow him to see what power he still held over her.
She couldn't fathom why he would be contacting her at all. Her resignation hadn't left much room for discussion. An uncomfortable feeling settled in her stomach. "What do you want?" she asked coldly.
Another drag. "Your cooperation," he said.
"You know better than to expect that ever again," she retorted.
He spared her an unsettling smile. "I have reason to believe otherwise."
Suddenly, another feed replaced the Illusive Man's. Miranda was disoriented at first, but then recognized a colony. A university… Suddenly an icy fear shot through her.
Oriana.
"What do you want with Oriana?" she demanded. During all that had happened, was she so foolish as to forget that he had a hand in relocating Oriana's family? She could scream, she could kill herself for being so careless. Her worry was palpable. He knew where she was.
When the Illusive Man reappeared, she could see the satisfaction in his eyes. He knew he had gotten to her.
"Do I have your attention?" he asked sardonically.
Yes. He had her fucking attention now. "What do you want?" she demanded again.
"When my people catch up to the Normandy—and don't worry, Miranda, they will—I need you to do something for me."
"Why would I ever do anything for you again?" she spat.
He took a long sip of brandy before answering. "Because my operatives can get to your sister within a matter of minutes."
Miranda knew well—too well—how far Cerberus was willing to go. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What do you need me to do?"
"One very simple thing," he told her. "When my operatives arrive to retake my ship, shut down the AI."
"You think I'm foolish enough to betray Commander Shepard?" she demanded.
The Illusive Man raised a brow at her and took another slow drag on his cigarette. She wanted to take that cigarette and shove it down his throat.
"Monday, nine a.m.," he began. "Xeno-agriculture. Ten-thirty, human literature from 1945 to present. Lunch at noon in the library cafe with Angela Moranis and Petra Brown. One thirty—"
"Enough," Miranda interrupted, her gray eyes hardened into ice. "I get the picture."
"I know where she is every minute of every day. If you do as I've asked, she'll be left alone. If not…" He let the sentence hang. She didn't need him to finish it.
"I won't," she disagreed vehemently, but her voice wavered. Oriana meant everything to her.
"Consider my offer," he said, and the call ended.
Miranda leaned against the wall of the docking tube, shaking. Her mind ran through the possibilities—how fast could the Normandy get to Oriana, could they arrive without alerting Cerberus, what would Cerberus do with Ori if they reached her first…
The answers she came up with were not what she was hoping for.
How was she supposed to make this kind of decision? Betray Commander Shepard or let Cerberus capture her sister. The Illusive Man wouldn't kill Oriana. No, that would be too merciful.
Miranda didn't want to imagine what he had in store for her.
She took deep breaths until she steadied herself, straightening her posture and relaxing her expression before she entered the Normandy's airlock.
As she waited for the decontamination sequence to complete, a familiar voice spoke up.
"Miranda, are you well?" EDI asked, sounding legitimately concerned.
She sighed. "I'm fine, EDI."
It couldn't be further from the truth, but EDI didn't pry.
Miranda boarded the ship with her thoughts in turmoil, wondering how long it would be before her loyalty was put to the test.
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A/N: Thanks for reading, please let me know what you thought! Next chapter we visit Tali on the Flotilla!