It was their last morning at the hospital and Harry was a bit salty. While Riddle had gotten every treatment under the sun and then some vitamin-enriched serum to top it off, Harry had only gotten a bed, food, and a talk about nerves. He was unnaturally tired and had slept most of the hospital admission but everyone had brushed it off as lazy. When he made a passing comment about it to Riddle, the sociopath had the nerve to say that if he needed treatment he only had to explain exactly what happened and he will personally make sure to deliver the treatment.
So.
He was silently salty. Not that Riddle sympathized. Last night's conversation had left an awkward aftertaste. Riddle had barely looked at him and was only talking the bare minimum. While it stung, Harry at least appreciated that Riddle was being cordial. Harry was trying to push past last night's conversation and get back to normal.

"I feel I wasn't there and this was an entirely different night. So the story is that Black and I got hurt defending you from attackers? And Black is retiring from the force due to his injuries. Is he even alive?" Harry wondered.

Riddle did not look up from his work. "Bellatrix asked me as a favor to let her take care of Regulus so that their family reputation isn't tarnished."

"Poor guy," Harry murmured, "Should have shot him in the head."

"It would have been the merciful option, yes."

Harry wasn't that sorry. There were a thousand other options outside of murder to remove a corrupt politician. Regulus had the money and an old, pureblood family name that carried weight in this fucked up society. He had other options available to him. He chose to kill Riddle and leave Harry as the one to find him in the morning and prime suspect of a murder investigation. So fuck him. Fuck him with a pogo stick. Harry wasn't spending his second life in Azkaban or losing the person who signs his check.

"Do you think anyone else was involved?" Harry asked curiously while he turned the page. Riddle's pen stopped in the air and he turned slowly to look at Harry with empty eyes, "Like whom?"

Harry shrugged. Dumbledore? The Order of Phoenix? All of the above? None of the above? Was Dumbledore even alive? Harry hadn't bothered to check. If even Sirius didn't talk to him, why would the headmaster?

But those were thoughts of Harry From Another Universe. Nothing here had hinted at a secret organization trying to bring down the esteemed two-timed former Minister of Magic Tom Riddle. The critics called Riddle a corrupt, unethical, vicious, power-hungry politician. The few that know a bit more about him called him mobster-like and tyrannical.

To Harry, a cute, fluffy version of Lord Voldemort. A very small kitty cat that wouldn't have blipped on his radar. Even common and ordinary with how many corrupt, power-hungry, mobster-like politicians there are. Riddle wasn't even the worst he had seen. At least Riddle kept the country running semi-decently. He gave a fuck that the place wasn't burning down. Yeah, it had one too many Italian restaurants and the same old racism, classism, and bullshit but what's new? Harry had no illusions that he'll see a change in that in his lifetime.

"No. I believe he acted alone," Riddle finally answered, breaking Harry from his thoughts. Harry hummed in understanding and went back to reading the paper. Riddle's eyes narrowed. "Harry?"

Harry looked up from the paper.

"Do you believe we have to worry about accomplices?"

Harry hummed uncaringly. "We'll see, won't we?"

Riddle stopped what he was doing to face Harry seriously. "I don't want any more surprises."

Harry sighed, now annoyed he had started this conversation and that Riddle won't drop it. "Then go find the pieces left of Black and dose him with truth serum."

Riddle got up and walked towards Harry. He crouched until he was eye level with Harry and grabbed Harry's chin so that Harry wasn't looking anywhere else but at Riddle's eyes.

"Tell me why you think there are accomplices," Riddle asked again this time using some legilimens. Harry sighed at the unnecessary theatrics. The man could read his thoughts just as well from the other side of the room and the spell was beyond redundant as they had a mind link. Riddle's hand on his chin tightened at that thought.

"Not all the assassination plots were by Black. The spoon, for example, I believe was someone else. He just wasn't saving you from them. You have more enemies and we don't know if they were working together or independently."

Riddle nodded but kept his hand in Harry's chin until Harry moved his head to the side to dislodge him. Harry kept reading the novelized version of the events in silence as if having Riddle crouching in front of him was normal. Riddle exhaled noisily as he looked down at the paper, "I can't believe everyone believed I would have you standing all night in a dark room watching me sleep or that I would ever use you as a shield," Riddle said in exasperation finally starting a conversation without prompting.

It was the excuse Harry had given to the Aurors and no one had questioned it. Riddle had believed it unconvincing and thought that the excuse of them being lovers was more plausible. But Harry was confident in his excuse. While the title of Dark Lord wasn't tossed around, Riddle scared people shitless. Believing Harry was intimidated and forced to be in the bedroom due to his job and some bullshit reason was on par with people's view of Riddle and Harry's work relationship (as a slave; not far from the truth).

"Told ya." Harry smiled as he read how he hid behind the brave Regulus Black and later fainted from the nerves. Three guesses on who wrote the article.

"I don't understand people."

"Oh don't worry. Believing that I had sex with you for the job will come soon enough. It always comes full circle we are just not there yet. People are still happy for me, then they get jealous, then angry, then they try to calm their insecurities by assuring themselves I only got it due to some unfair advantage."

"Has that happened before?"

Oh shit. Harry's hands stilled. Not this life.

"That's just how people are," Harry deflected and kept his eyes on the paper.

Harry grumpily thanked the Healers before leaving the hospital but while Riddle was in the bathroom Harry stuffed one of the pillows into his bag. Hospital pillows were ten times better than his flat, dirty, lumpy pillow in the apartment. And after last night's conversation, Riddle was going to probably fire him. He didn't have the money for pillows. He pretended he didn't see Riddle watching the overstuffed bag in confusion.

_
"Well, I torpedoed any chance I had with him."

"What happened?" Martinez asked as they turned to another street.

It was nighttime, Pike and Martinez had just finished work and Harry had today free as his only day to recuperate after the hospital. They were walking aimlessly looking for a new place to eat since tacos were now off the menu until Harry can stand the thought without nausea. Harry yawned loudly. He slept all day and still felt tired.

"I was talking about a Christmas movie and before I knew it we were talking about the future and relationships."

"A Christmas movie?" Pike asked incredulously. "First off, why the fuck were you watching a Christmas movie when it's not even season. That's the important question."

Harry waved away the comment. "Shitty hospital cable," he dismissed. "It was either that or a re-run of that stupid knock-off 007 movie. And it drives me crazy to see him waving his wand like a drunk four-year-old and somehow create a first-level ward on the first try."

"Yeah, it's a stupid movie," Pike agrees. "He somehow falls off a cliff, escapes a burning building, swings off a branch like fucking Tarzan, and befriends a wolf and it's not even the first minute of the movie. But a Christmas movie? How the hell do you ruin your chances at a relationship with a Christmas movie?" Pike asked looking way too entertained for Harry's taste.

"Fuck if I know. By being stupid, I guess. I was criticizing the movie... to be honest, not really paying attention to what I was babbling. The man is in bed with me looking sexy as fuck and I was trying to not be a fucking creep." Harry sighed. "One thing led to another and he was asking all these questions and I was answering thinking he was speaking in general, you know? Or about the movie. And it's after I put my foot in my mouth that the light bulb turns on that maybe...just maybe, this is not hypothetically speaking." Harry sighed sadly. "But at least it's out in the open. He knows I'm not looking for a relationship, just sex and it's not what he wants. Which, to be fair, I already knew. We had more than enough chances and didn't." And not from lack of Harry dropping hints. Or you know, point blank asking the man if office sex was something he was interested.

"We knew it wasn't his style from day one when he tried to wine and dine you without taking your pants off at the door. You just wanted sex more than to clarify that point," Pike remarked as he pointed to a Mexican car with burritos. Harry scrunched his face in distaste. Too close to the smell of tacos.

"Yes, well. Now it's crystal clear thanks to a fucking Christmas movie. At least I can continue my job semi-normally." Maybe. If he isn't fired at the first offense. He'll have to be the perfect assistant and give no reason for dismissal.

"You are almost too stupid to function in normal society if you believe that," Pike commented with unholy glee. Martinez hit Pike over the head.

"I want to hope," Harry clarified.

"Don't listen to him," Martinez said with a warning glare at a cackling Pike. "You did the right thing, Harry. He asked and you answered honestly, it's all anyone can do. Sometimes the right person comes along at the wrong time."

Harry snorted. Right person, yeah right. Riddle had a pattern. Find a victim, make them fall in love and then leave them. On and on and on for the last three years and probably longer. Each one of them thought they were the exception. They weren't. Harry wouldn't be either. He'd be a fool to believe that.

Sex? Yes, please.

Anything else? No.

He was too old to play games in relationships. If it wasn't going anywhere it wasn't worth starting it. Even if he trusted the man's word, which Harry didn't, Harry was going to travel the world and Riddle was going to be the next Minister. Long-distance wasn't something he wanted. Don't start a relationship with an expiration date was the barest of courtesies. He's not that pressed for sex that he'd lead someone on.

"You should have had sex with him when you could," Pike insisted.

"Well if I had sex with him and then broken it off I might have been looking for an apartment in Bogota so it's a good thing at least one of us had control. As of now, he seems to want to ignore me. Except that he forgets and goes back to joking with me, then remembers, gets mad at himself, and storms off."

"He's not the only one that seems crushed with the new-normal," Pike said.

"It was just a tiny crush. The attention was flattering. I'll get over it," Harry shrugged as they passed another posh Italian Restaurant. Fucking Draco Malfoy.

"Remember your last tiny crush? You carried that torch like an Olimpic Champion for years."

"You talking about Lavander Brown?" Martinez asked Pike curiously. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Who else? He took dancing lessons for a year for Christ's sake."

"For three years actually," Harry corrected. What can he say? Lavender was always horny after dancing lessons and she was a bomb-ass sexy woman with confidence for miles.

"She married that dude from your class? The dorky one?"

"Yeah. I'm a good luck charm to finding your one true love. Every woman I've dated married the next guy."

"At least this weekend you'll be able to let go and find someone to have sex with without Riddle watching over your shoulder."

Harry scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Oh. Yeah. Haha. Um. About that." Harry used the opportunity of seeing Lucius Malfoy on the other side of the road to wave at the man and not keep talking. Malfoy senior frowned at Harry and raised his hand marginally. A miracle. Harry was now someone Worth Acknowledging.

Pike stopped walking. "What? You flaking on me, Potter?"

"Noooo. In fact, um, I have good news! I bought all of us VIP tickets to meet the band! AND a banging all-inclusive ski resort to stay the weekend. All paid."

"Potter..." Pike began angrily. "You don't have a pound to your name. Who paid for that?"

Harry couldn't help cringing at the question. "Riddle."

Martinez sighed like a deeply disappointed parent. "He's going with us, isn't he?"

"...yeah... and a few other people."

"What the fuck, Potter?"

"Who?" Martinez asked curiously. Harry gave the highlights of how he ended up in that situation carefully editing the story to seem as blameless as possible.

Pike turned thoughtful. "Can we ditch them?"

"I mean, yeah, probably," Harry said, lying through his teeth.
They were going by bus to the same ski resort Friday night, to the same concert, in the same VIP area, and coming back to the same resort to eat in the same restaurant. Already paid! But yeah. "We can pretend they don't exist and we don't know them."

"Ok, ok. Not too terrible then. Good hustling, Potter. And with your ass intact. I'm impressed. It's going to be awesome. I'll pack my gear and we can hit the mountains Saturday morning."

Harry laughed nervously and agreed. Awesome. It was going to be...awesome. No need to worry. They were adults. Adults adulting. Both of them. Almost a century old each. Peak adulthood. And Riddle can handle rejection gracefully. Probably. He seemed cordial the morning after. And it's not that it was even a rejection. Just a talk. And Harry won't make things weird anymore because they Talked. And Cleared the Air. Like adults. There won't be misunderstandings or hurt feelings. They'll be buddies. Best of buddies. Work buddies at least. It won't be weird at all. Or at least, Riddle won't know Harry was being weird about it.

"I mean, we are not teenagers anymore, right? So it should be fine." Harry looked at Martinez that looked at Pike, that looked at the dark sky and neither responded.

"Maybe a bit weird at the start," Harry conceded. "But it will all level out and we'll laugh about it in a few months."

Pike's face spasmed in an attempt to agree.

Harry laughed nervously. "For sure in a few years it'll be a funny story to tell at the Christmas work party. Remember that time we almost dated? What a fucking nightmare that would have been? And everyone will agree and laugh."

"Pizza?" Pike asked.

"Yeah, pizza sounds nice," Martinez almost tripped over his words with how quickly he responded. Harry looked at them suspiciously but slowly agreed to pizza.

It'll be fine.

Surely.

No need to stress about it.

Friday's workday started without someone waiting for him outside the floo with a coffee cup and an invitation for breakfast. Harry pretended he didn't notice the change when he eventually found Riddle already in his office. Riddle gave him no instructions for the day.

Harry stood awkwardly for half an hour before deciding to make himself useful and went to find problems to solve. Except...he didn't know how to solve most problems. Or any problem really. He had niche areas of specialty, ok? And no one was asking him for help with a ritual or to solve a murder. He wasn't Riddle's bodyguard either, even if he was on the lookout for any suspicious activity that might prolong his workday. For a moment he wondered if he could actually do this job with zero experience.

Thankfully other people existed.

"Harry dear, you should have taken the day off!" Greta said in greeting. "You were very brave, as always, I'm sure. No matter what that article said. I haven't forgotten how you saved me from someone using my face and name to hurt Mr. Riddle. I still have nightmares of finding myself in prison unjustly," she shivered theatrically.

"You know I wouldn't leave you like that. Say, Greta, do you by any chance know something about this? I just can't make heads or tails of it." Harry showed her his latest conundrum as an assistant.

"I don't Harry pie, but John from second used to do that a few years back. He could help and he owes me a favor. Just mention I sent you." John from second did help.

So that's what he did the entire day. Study the next meeting's agenda, look for problems and ask other people's opinions on what the solution would be. When the problem was brought out in a meeting, Harry already had the solution. He's been in the Ministry long enough to know most people and he used all the connections he had. Riddle looked at him weirdly the third time Harry had the perfect solution to a problem and Harry smiled happily at the man.

Mission: be the perfect assistant running smoothly. It was just like undercover Auror work. He had his mission, his goals, and the single-minded focus to ace his part using all the resources available.

"Mr. Malfoy," Harry called for Draco in between meetings, "A moment if you can." Draco stopped while everyone else went ahead. Riddle didn't even look at him to see if Harry was following him back to the office. Ouch. "This ceremony seems to be scheduled for next month, but I can't find any plans for it. I think no one is working on it."

"That's not my job. That's your job. Why should I help you with that, Potter?"

Harry looked at him blankly. "You seem to have forgotten that you are currently not in a cell being questioned for an assassination attempt thanks to me."

Draco lost his smile. "You want to use your only favor for this?"

"Yes." Harry hadn't planned on it, but if it is the only way then yes."If you please, make sure everything is perfect for that ceremony. It needs a venue, food, music, and decoration." If he was going to use his favor on it then Draco will have to do it all.

Draco scoffed. "That's the stupidest use of a favor. It's not even worth considering."

Harry sighed, grabbed Draco's shoulder, and unloaded three years of pent-up frustrations. "Malfoy...Draco...kid, listen to me. Have you ever lived in a place where your next-door neighbor lets himself get possessed by a demon periodically because the demon version of himself can hold a job, stay sober and be an actual fucking father to his kid? And dead bodies keep appearing in front of the complex because there's a fucking demon who doesn't understand to dump the bodies in the river no matter how many times you explain that the Auror clean-up process is backlogged and it takes more than 12hours and the body starts to smell? Most of the time the body is bloated and leaking by the time they clean up. Can you imagine coming home every day to that smell? No? Then don't fucking tell me what I should use my favors on."

Draco's eyes were as wide as saucers and his mouth was open. "You are a lunatic, Potter. Why the hell haven't you reported your neighbor?"

Harry waved the question away like it was insignificant. "Because the demon doesn't bang the walls and screams in a drug-induced haze. He also takes out the trash on time, it's polite, we have way fewer breaks-in now, and rent is on an all-time low. The wife and kid are also happier. Don't worry too much about it."

Draco did not seem to understand what in Harry's opinion were good, solid points. "Don't ask me anything else. Even better, don't talk to me anymore."

"He only kills pedophiles and child murderers if it's any consolation," Harry screamed to his back. Draco walked faster away from him.
Harry took out his notepad and checked that ceremony off. "At least that's taken cared of."