It hurts to become

I said to the sun, 'Tell me about the big bang.'
The sun said, 'It hurts to become.'

–Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"

For three days, Alice sat and watched Charlie Swan turn into one of them. Edward had taken Bella on a trip to settle in her college dorm. The people of Forks had been surprised to hear their chief of police was off for an early retirement in Florida, but they hadn't begrudged him the choice.

Three days were almost up and Harry still hadn't left his mate's side. They listened to the heartbeat puttering steadily away. Alice didn't check the future. Her friend hadn't had another of his episodes since turning, but it made her uncomfortable how Harry would always be watching her in her visions. They knew it was because he was magic, that didn't mean it wasn't also unnerving.

"It's time," Jasper said. The calm blanketing them didn't budge. For a moment nothing changed, then they heard Charlie's heart begin to race.

"He's going to be okay, right?" Harry looked so small in his oversized green sweater.

"It's a bit late to ask that, my friend," Marcus said.

Alice ignored him. She didn't know what to make of the king now that he had grown a personality. Most of the times she'd interacted with him, he'd told her she should be meditating.

"Charlie's fate is in Her hands," Marcus continued. "I have prayed to Lady Magic for him. We should take a moment and convene with the source. Let us centre ourselves."

Alice listened to Marcus take a deep breath and resisted the urge to get up and strangle him.

"Wow," Charlie said.

Harry tightened his hold on his hand. "Are you thirsty? I can bring you a deer. Or maybe you want pancakes?"

Charlie brushed the hair from Harry's cheek as if he was made of glass. Alice looked away, catching Jasper's eye. The calm that lulled over them began sparkling with his happiness.

"I swore I would bring you to Volterra," Marcus said. "You must hunt your fill, then we must take our leave. We agreed to spare your daughter's humanity until she finishes her education. But your time has come, Charlie Swan."

Alice watched Charlie and Harry jump out the window into the night. She cycled through the futures she could see, searching for the one that would be best.

"Jasper, we should say goodbye now," she decided.

He took her hand and pulled them both into a bow. "Farewell, Marcus Volturi. Give my best to Aro, Caius and the others."

"Well met," Alice muttered, then ran for the freedom of the forest outdoors.

.oOo.

The moon was glowing. Charlie had never seen it so clearly before.

One of the Volturi guard had come to pick him, Harry and Marcus up from the airport. Poor Demetri had been confused by Marcus telling him his chakras were blocked.

They could already see the city gates.

Charlie knew didn't have a proper digestive system anymore, but he could swear his gut was churning. "Is this a good idea, Harry?" Bella was back in Arizona for college, protected by Edward when the sun wasn't out. Carlisle and Esme had moved to Seattle to be nearby if the Quileutes needed something. Forks was safe. He shouldn't be feeling so uneasy.

Harry smiled. "I have a good feeling about this," he said, kissing Charlie's hand. "Everything's going to be just fine."

…

"Charlie! Harry!" Aro cried. "Immortality suits you well."

Charlie was surprised to have made it through airport security with his bright red eyes. Of course, nobody understood how Harry still had his green ones. When in doubt, Charlie knew to blame magic.

"Aro, it is good to be home."

The room turned to stare at Marcus.

"Are you alright, brother?" Caius asked. He was looking at Harry with accusation.

Aro took Marcus' hand, then flinched back. "I can see nothing," he said. Then he also turned on Charlie. "Your gift, is it similar to your daughter's?"

They hadn't figured out how it worked yet. "Probably a shield against powers," Harry said. It was the working theory.

"Nevermind that, brothers, I have discovered Magic," Marcus said. There were more stares.

"Magic," Caius said.

"It's everywhere. Even here, I can feel it now, talking to me. Harry told me about this portal to a parallel universe, the same one the Bulgarians spoke of. Mrmoreshtata zavesa and—

"How wonderful!" Aro cried. "You have discovered magic. But the journey has been long, surely you are weary. Demetri, show our guests to their rooms. We can convene in my study tomorrow morning."

The hall emptied at a speed only vampires could manage. Charlie was glad Harry was holding onto him. He wasn't sure if he felt comfortable with so many dangerous people around. Even if he'd taken his gun, it couldn't do jack.

"What happened to King Marcus?" Demetri said after he'd led them into what looked like a fancy hotel room without windows.

"He found out there are things in life that are bigger than him." Harry said it with his head tilted back to look at the frescoes on the ceiling.

"Marcus figured out a bit more about who he is and where he fits," Charlie said.

Demetri nodded. "He seemed…happy."

"Magic will do that."

"It's real? Magic is real?"

Harry flicked his wand. The vampire shouldn't have sounded so doubtful. In his place, a large rabbit was sitting in Demetri's shoes. Harry had already turned back to the ceiling.

"Transfigurations like that usually wear off in half a day," Charlie told the rabbit. It sniffed at him and hopped out.

"Do you think we should keep the boots, Harry?"

"I want you to make love to me on this bed," Harry said instead of answering. "Maybe it'll be different now that you're a vampire too."

Charlie wasn't always good with words like Bella, or good with feeling things like Harry, but he knew what to do when asked something like that. Stepping out of his shoes, he pulled his mate into a kiss.

.oOo.

"Our best tracker has been hopping about the castle," Aro said. "It wouldn't be a problem if he could refrain from chewing on the wiring."

"Felix!" Caius barked. The man rushed in. "Go watch Demetri. Getting electricity down here was expensive, any damages are coming out of your paycheck."

"We don't pay the guards," Marcus said. It was so new, talking to his brothers again. It reminded him of the days when nobody had known the Volturi name.

"It's a miracle you know any of what goes on around here," Caius said, nevertheless he was grinning. He came and gave Marcus a clapping hug. "What happened to you, brother?"

"Indeed, an excellent question," Aro said. Then he was holding Marcus' hand.

They stood there for a few minutes. Marcus knew the moment Aro saw the memory of Didyme.

"Ohhh," he whispered. "Deu meu"

"What is it?" Caius demanded.

Marcus waited for Aro to let go. They watched him sit heavily. "Harry holds power over the dead," Marcus explained. "He let me—I spoke to Didyme."

"What?"

"She told me to forget her." The words felt wrong on Marcus' tongue—

—The words felt so right.

"I have spoken with Harry. He came from a world of magic and suffering. We concluded that I also came here from this world. I can recall some memories from my human life now, and am most adept at a type of magic involving runes."

"What." Caius also sat. "You're a witch?"

"I was a wizard, yes."

"Marcus was speaking to the Swans about immortality and unchangeable grief," Aro said. Marcus did not mind, Aro had always been the voice of his thoughts and feelings. "These runes can be used in rituals that have strong magical effects. He intends to develop a ritual with Harry's help that reverses vampirism."

"No!"

They turned. Renata clapped her hands to her mouth. Marcus had forgotten she was there.

"Are you alright, dear?" Aro said to her.

Marcus did not listen. He let his mind replay Aro's words from before: an end to vampirism. A cure to this curse.

Humans were changeable like the tides, and Marcus had been stuck for half a millennium.

Yes, now that Aro had aligned his thoughts like that, it was clearer than even his memories of Didyme. The purpose of Marcus' life now was to transform himself into something old. A shape he'd had so long ago.

How would it be to eat, sleep, dream?

What might it be like to forget?

.oOo.

Bella didn't hear from Charlie much anymore. He called her every other week like clockwork, just like back when she'd been living with Renée. He told her the news from Volterra and listened to her talk about her english major. Her thesis, she'd finally decided, was on symbolism of rebirth and immortality in Gabriel García Márquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude.

Jacob called sometimes too, just to tell her how the pack was doing. It was just the six of them, and while he said that he missed her, he sounded happy. He'd imprinted on Jessica at their graduation, and while everyone else was trying to get out of Forks to live a more exciting life, the two of them were settling down. She was glad that the people living in Charlie's house loved the place just as much as Harry had.

Edward had been studying premed again. He gave her privacy whenever she wanted it, but she felt bad that he didn't have any friends besides her. It was a strange thing, knowing that she was a whole person now, while he defined himself as half of a whole.

When they kissed, Bella's stomach still churned with butterflies. She'd gotten around Edward's weird 'no premarital sex' rule by buying herself a few adult toys and asking him to help her use them. Things were really good, all things considered.

In a year, she'd have her undergrad degree. She could probably tack on a master's, Charlie said the Volturi's concept of time was different from humans', but—

Edward had been studying premed again, because Carlisle's passion was medicine and the vampire wanted an update. Carlisle, who'd had the same passion for five hundred years.

Bella loved Edward, she really did. It had grown from something fiery into something calm and deep, and on good days when they were cuddled up in front of the TV watching Dawson's Creek reruns, it reminded her of what Charlie and Harry had.

But she knew Edward hadn't changed in the past century. He'd fallen in love with her, and that was it. If she would die like Marcus' wife had, he'd mourn her for the next millennium. It scared her most days to know she had that kind of power over someone else.

It scared her because she knew she'd mourn him for a year at most before moving on.

…

On Sundays, Edward made pancakes. Bella didn't tell him she'd heard that gluten and milk were unhealthy. She didn't have the heart to tell him she'd moved on from wanting little hearts with Nutella for breakfast.

"I love you," she said instead, kissing his forever-seventeen cheek. It was a calmer love now, like the lakes Charlie used to take her fishing on.

It didn't matter if the first pancake was ugly, not after she covered it in chocolate. She chewed slowly, trying to find the courage to say what her mind had been thinking for weeks.

"I think we should take the next semester off," she said. It was almost what she'd meant to say. Edward smiled and served her another pancake.

"There's an exclusive exchange program with this university in Volterra. I'm applying for the scholarship."

Edward coughed. "That's for art students," he said. "Aro likes to have people appreciate his collection. From what I've heard most of those students…don't come back."

"Aro isn't going to eat me with my dads there."

Usually Edward was very clever. Sometimes, he was very very stupid.

"I don't think it's safe for you to go there while you're human, Bella." She remembered when Edward used to tell her what he thought she should and shouldn't do, back before Harry had threatened him with his magic.

Bella swallowed. She took a sip of tea. "I don't mean to go there as a human."

Edward stared at her until the fire alarm went off. Once the smoke had cleared they sat side by side on her bed, hands wrapped together. His cold marble, her warm heat.

"Are you sure, Bella? There's time. You could get a doctorate. Or maybe a second undergraduate degree? You could still change your mind about this."

Bella had filled the application forms out weeks ago, but it had taken a long evening and a bottle of Baileys with her girlfriends to finally send them to Italy. "No, Edward, now is exactly the right time to be doing this. Changing my mind is what I'm worried about."

She didn't know how to tell him the truth: that she didn't want to wake up one day and realise he was still the same stuck person from 1918 while she'd moved on to be someone who wanted a life without him.

"I don't understand," Edward said.

Bella kissed him. "It's my body, my choice," she said. "Your head's big enough, Edward. You don't need to understand everything."

That smile was so familiar it hurt. "Will you marry me in Italy?" he asked. She had lost count of how many times she'd heard him propose.

Bella took a deep breath. She was going to Volterra. She'd be seeing Charlie and Harry again. She was going to be a vampire, perfect and unchanging.

"Yeah," she decided. "Yeah, Edward, I will."

.oOo.

There's an epilogue that you can find up on ao3 (or wait until I cross-post it), but this fic is officially complete as-is. Thank you for letting me share my story with you.

Do take a look at my other works including the Harry/Mycroft crossover A Public Private Partnership which I'm currently updating.