Hi everyone, I know it's been a while. We've been pretty busy with a series of events that kept me otherwise occupied for a while. I've been working slowly but steadily on generating content for the story. I just haven't had big blocks of time to dedicate to editing things into something that meets my expectations for postable content. If its any consolation, that means that when you do get chapters, they'll be double length like this one.
Feel free to PM me any questions/thoughts/comments. Hope you enjoy!
"As you know, occasions such as this are rare opportunities," Might Gai nodded somberly. "For many, they might have the chance to participate in these sacred rituals of male bonding but once or twice in a lifetime."
He wheeled himself back and forth in a ten foot oval, his head held high, carrying the same air as though he were pacing thoughtfully. "Being entrusted with the planning and execution of this event will require a master balancing act. This is both a joyous and a somber occasion; a death and a birth, if you will."
Naruto watched Gai as he pirouetted in place. "Gai sensei, I couldn't agree more. But why am I here?"
Gai flashed a dazzling smile as if this were just the question he was expecting. "You're the only man I can trust, Naruto. You're the only other person close enough with Kakashi to understand the gravity and importance of this occasion."
"Isn't planning the bachelor party traditionally the best man's job?" Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I'll help out or chip in wherever you need me to. Normally I'd be all gung-ho for this, too, but Kakashi's my sensei. We're not like, friends, you know? I don't know what he likes as well as his friends would. Plus, I've got the baby at home, and-"
"I need you to be my legs, Naruto." Gai stared him down with a stony expression. "I know this is a lot to ask of you. It should be me. I'm his best man and his most beloved childhood companion. Believe me, I set out with the appropriate amount of passion and gusto! It was just that, well…the Red Light District isn't wheelchair accessible."
Naruto had seen Might Gai walk blocks on just his hands. Then again, it would probably be rather off putting to have someone head into a strip club like that. He'd likely get his wheelchair stolen, to boot.
"I would have asked Aoba or one of the others," Gai explained. "But I'm worried the temptation to either underplay or overblow the bachelor party would be too great."
"So how am I more qualified?" Naruto frowned and pointed at himself incredulously.
The dazzling smile returned as Gai spoke. "Kakashi loves nothing more than the Icha Icha franchise. You, Naruto, studied under its creator. Only you have the power to channel the spirit of the Pervy Sage and throw Kakashi the perfect Icha Icha style bachelor party!"
Naruto buried his face in his hands and threw his head back with a mighty cry of anguish. "Gai sensei I hate those darn porn rags. You have no idea how many strip clubs I had to sit outside while Jiraiyah did his 'research' and-" His hands fell away. Naruto stared up at the sky as cold realization took hold. "Damn. You're right. I am the only man for the job."
Gai rolled up and clapped him on the back with such force it threw Naruto into a violent coughing fit.
"Atta boy, Naruto. Here's what I've collected from the guys," He tucked a fat manilla envelope into the inside pocket of Naruto's open jacket, ignoring the distressed expression the pink and wheezing genin gave him.
"I know this goes without saying but discretion is key. Don't book anything in his name and we have to be able to slip in and out from a low visibility entrance. It's too risky to hold it the actual night before the wedding, so it will be the weekend before." Gai smiled smugly. "I have nothing but the utmost faith in you, Naruto."
…
Two women walked side by side down the street. The night air was electric, packed with expectancy and the potential for either glory or ruin. They moved easily in their high heels. The blonde stalked along in a death march while the dark-haired woman had more of a fluid, elegant gait.
Beki's jaw was set, her chin jutting out beneath a self-indulgent pout. The dangerous air her smoky eye makeup and black suede boots gave her was offset by the velvet of her dress and the soft curl of her hair.
"I'm married and I'm pregnant. Tell me again why I have to go to this stupid thing?"
Hinata sighed and looped an arm affectionately through Beki's. "Because she's your mother and it's a big day for her. And the Hokage asked us to keep an eye on her and keep Yuki out of trouble." She gave her friend's hand a squeeze. "And if you weren't here with me, I'd have to keep her under control all by myself."
The little black dress Hinata wore was modest but festive, the rhinestones on the neckband and armholes flashing as they passed under the streetlights. Her favorite lavender heels were broken in and comfortable enough to walk and dance in. She'd packed flats in a small handbag just in case.
"I still think she's going to have a hard time getting away with this," Beki grumbled. "I mean come on! This is so disgustingly over the top! It's just such, such a Yuki thing to do!"
She gestured up at the arena the third portion of the chunin exams was typically held in.
"It is technically a public event and she put in all the right paperwork in advance," Hinata shrugged. "There's no way Shikamaru would have ever let it happen if Yuki hadn't been ironclad in following the rules."
The ladies' only event even featured Konoha kunoichi Yuki had hired for security. Lights pierced the night sky; it looked like when the exams were in full swing. To Beki, it seemed like they were heading into a sold-out concert. Only the bassline could be heard of the loud music blasting inside the arena, the air hummed with excited voices, and women in sexy outfits raced to queue up for the party of a lifetime. Hinata and Beki were jostled around somewhat as their ID's were checked and bags were searched.
"Oh," The unfamiliar kunoichi said as she checked a clipboard. "You two are VIPs. Come with me."
She waved another kunoichi over to take her place at the security check and led Beki and Hinata up to the booth usually reserved for the Hokage during the exams.
"Yukihana sama, your daughter and the Hyuga heiress have arrived." The kunoichi announced as she let them into the room.
A collective gasp escaped their lips as they looked out the picture windows at the wonderland beyond. A DJ on a raised platform blasted music out over a huge dance floor. There was an ice-skating rink, an extensive bar made completely out of ice, and a series of suspicious looking tents. Their eyes finally fell upon the mistress of the frozen debauch. Yuki was resting on one elbow stirring a non-alcoholic drink with the same self-indulgent pout Beki had been sporting earlier. At the sight of the pair, Yuki glanced at them and gave a small sigh.
"Hi guys."
"Yuki, you…you did all this?" Hinata stared out the window slack jawed.
"It took me months to plan and coordinate." Yuki nodded. "That doesn't matter though."
Beki frowned. "What's your deal? This looks exactly like the sort of hedonistic binge fest you would want to watch people ruin their lives at for sport. Why do you look like a kid that got a toothbrush in their trick or treat sack?"
"Because she isn't here!" Yuki growled. "The damned guest of honor!"
…
Naruto led the group up to the back door of the strip club and gave the knock he'd been instructed to use.
"Well this is all very clandestine, isn't it?" Kakashi beamed good naturedly behind his mask. "This is a party, right? I'm not having my organs harvested?"
Gai gave a full-body laugh. Sai merely smiled. Genma, Aoba, Kotetsu, and Izumo were too busy scanning their environment to give more than non-committal chuckles. After a few moments with no response, Naruto gave another louder knock on the door.
"What the hell's the problem, pipsqueak?" Genma frowned.
"Maybe Naruto's knocking on the wrong back door," Sai's smile never slipped. "These seedy places all look the same after dark."
"This is definitely the place," Naruto growled. He pounded on the door a little harder than he'd wanted to. Everyone's eyes were on his back and Naruto couldn't shake the sinking feeling that came with it. This was Kakashi's bachelor party, the one Gai had trusted him to take care of. The amount of schedule juggling and security that had gone into making this possible was mind boggling. Shikamaru had shown Naruto all the finagling he had to do, the body double they'd have sitting in at the office, all of it. If he'd somehow screwed this up, they were sunk. No do overs.
His mind raced with how they could even remotely recover from this setback. Could he take them to a bar for pizza and beer? Treat everyone to as many ramen bowls as they wanted? Just as he turned to face the music, there was a noise from inside the building.
"COMING!" The voice cried breathlessly before being cut off by a loud clattering noise. Soft swearing was followed by fumbling with the door.
A collective sigh of relief escaped their lips as the door was flung open. Miki stood before them in a black satin bathrobe. She was out of breath, her skin shiny with sweat, and hair erring on the side of messy rather than sexily unkept. There was a wild, panicked animal look to her eyes as she stared out at the group. Her eyes fell on the Hokage, who gave her a small familiar wave, and she inhaled sharply.
"So it's true." She took a deep breath, smoothed back her hair, and with all the composure she could scrape off the floor Miki bowed. "Welcome! Sorry about the wait. We've almost finished preparations for your event. Please come inside. If you follow this hallway it will lead you into the club proper."
She stepped aside and the group filed in. Naruto waited for the others to pass. He watched Miki's plastered on smile twitch until he could practically hear her internal screaming in his head. After the others had passed he gave her a concerned look. "Uh, Miki, what's going on? You look like the sky is falling."
"The sky is falling, Naruto," Miki buried her face in her hands. "I wasn't even supposed to work tonight. I popped in to check on something and found them locking up for the day. When I asked the girls where the hell they were going they said they were heading to some special event. I knew we were supposed to be having the Hokage's bachelor party tonight and thought it had just been a mixup on their part."
Naruto listened with a growing sense of dread. "Was it?"
"Yes, but it was worse than just confusing an event being here or away." Miki looked up at him with watering eyes. "We wanted this quiet, right? So none of the notes say anything about who the event is for. All generics. My manager saw that and thought it was an unconfirmed or cancelled appointment I'd forgotten to remove. My entire staff booked themselves out last minute to another huge private event."
Naruto's eyes went wide. "When you say your whole staff, you mean there isn't a single stripper in this strip club?"
Miki shook her head. "Not a stripper, a waitress, a bartender, or a chef."
"Miki, how are we supposed to throw a bachelor party for the Hokage if we're the only ones in the building?!" He winced. If Miki was counting on him to bail her out he and an army of Naruto clones certainly could from a technical standpoint. He hadn't used Sexy Jutsu in a long time, let alone practiced a strip routine recently. Not to mention how weird and creepy it would be to throw himself all over his boss.
Miki took him by the shoulders. "That's for me to worry about. This is my club. So that means this is my screw-up. You just go in there and try to have a good time. I'll…I'll make this work. I've gotten by with less."
All Naruto could do was nod as she locked the door behind him and rushed into the club. The overhead lights were still on, washing the room in cold bright light. It gave the space with its catwalks and scaffolding more of a warehouse feeling than a club.
"It's surprisingly clean in here," Sai said as he examined the floor.
A small pop caught their attention. A dainty woman with black and brown hair and a bored expression leaned on the bar.
"I thought Miki said she didn't have a bartender?" Naruto whispered conspiratorially.
"She doesn't," The woman tapped her long fingers on the bar. "I'm just a friend she called in for backup. A very overqualified, charges-double-for-favors kind of friend."
"Arin, I told you to get the lights," Miki hissed from around the corner.
The not-bartender rolled her eyes and started flipping switches behind the bar haphazardly. Strobe lights flickered, colored lights blinked on and off on the stage, lights came on along the floor. A giant projector whirred to life against the black velvet curtains behind the main stage and the evening news began playing before their eyes.
The party had settled into a large booth in front of the stage. Naruto kept shooting nervous glances back and forth between the party and the bar. Genma leered at the screen and checked his watch. "Hey, can you put the game on?"
Miki walked out of the dressing room in a full stripper cowgirl getup. "Um, are you sure? I would only need a couple of minutes and we could start the show."
It was easy to forget how impressive Miki's body was. Familiarity and the baggy quality of her usual street clothes tended to mask how cartoonishly perfect her proportions were. That was not the case when she was trussed up to perform. The cowgirl outfit consisted of a red and white gingham bra, a cropped denim vest decked out in gold sequin stars, matching denim underwear held up by a huge belt with a dazzling star buckle, and a pair of cowboy boots that lit up as she walked. Miki had even pulled her hair back into pigtail braids and a cowboy hat.
All eyes turned to Kakashi. "Absolutely not." He stared Genma down. "How dare you suggest we watch sports when there is an Icha Icha movie marathon starting in ten minutes."
A collective groan rang out amongst his companions, the loudest cry clearly Naruto's. Kakashi slammed his fist down on the table. "This is my bachelor party, dammit!"
Miki and Naruto exchanged confused glances. "You're right, sir. It is a bachelor party. In a strip club."
Kakashi waved his hand dismissively. "Miki, with all due respect to you and your professionals," He gave a warm smile behind the mask. "I'm marrying the greatest stripper who ever lived."
Genma, Gai, Kotetsu, Izumo, and Aoba frowned thoughtfully and then nodded in agreement.
"Bless Asuma's dead ass," Genma sighed. "He got a lapdance from Yuki before we all figured out she was psycho."
"SOME OF US STILL WANTED TO SEE A STRIPPER!" The not-bartender growled from back behind the counter.
"Oh shut up Arin! God knows I let you bum here for plenty to cover for one damned night!" Miki snapped, her face twisting into an uncharacteristic snarl. She had never seemed especially vicious to Naruto. For her to have survived in the Sound as long as she did, he supposed she did have to have a mean streak.
"Ooh, catfight." Sai whipped out his sketchbook. "Make sure you two pull each other's hair. Bonus points if clothes get ripped."
Miki turned her razor blade gaze on him for a moment before recovering her composure. Naruto thought he might be imagining it but the process seemed to take conscious effort. Like how his stereo had to think for a minute after he put a new disk in.
Once the marathon had been queued up, much to Kakashi's delight, Naruto felt like he could finally relax. This party had not started the way he had intended. Watching Kakashi and his friends razz on each other while Miki buzzed around them, serving them from takeout boxes and her less than friendly friend plopping down half assed cocktails and pitchers of lukewarm beer, it somehow felt right. Even the cheesy Icha Icha dialogue and overly dramatic score soaring in the background fit. It felt like a blessing from Pervy Sage beyond the grave.
"Thank you, Miki," Kakashi gave her a pat on the back. "For all your hard work. Both here and with the whole bodyguard situation."
Miki's face softened a bit, the exasperated expression cracking under her smile. "It's not a problem, sir."
He laughed. "Yes it is. Yuki is always a problem."
Sensing his open attitude, Miki spoke freely.
"You know, most of her little pranks don't bother me. But tonight really steamed my buns."
Kakashi gave a shrug. "I'm sorry for the trouble it caused you but she did follow all the rules."
"That's what makes it so suspicious, though." Miki put a hand on her hip. "It was almost vindicitive, like…" She rolled her wrist as she tried to articulate the thought. "A trap."
Naruto perked up. "But why would Yuki hire every stripper in the city?"
Miki's eyes lit up. "Because she didn't want any at Kakashi's party!"
Gai's expression darkened. "She's gone too far. This cannot stand."
"But he didn't even want Miki to strip or anything-" Naruto furrowed his brow.
"It's the principal of the thing!" Gai clutched the handles of his wheelchair and they let out a metallic creak. "The bachelor party is a sacred rite of manhood! It's the last blossom on the tree of youth before it matures into a majestic aged oak!"
"What are you suggesting?" Kakashi's face was cast in mysterious shadows, a strange lilt to his voice.
Gai looked at Miki. "The help of a professional."
…
Beki stared at her mother slack jawed with disgust. Hinata was just as dumbstruck and kept glancing back and forth between the two. There was a palpable tension, an electricity in the air that reminded the heiress of an impending storm.
"You what." The edge in Beki's voice was sharp enough to draw a comforting hand from Hinata.
Yuki, however, was too immersed in her own self pity to care. "I know, isn't it awful? I booked every damn stripper in this town. Plus, all of Miki's staff, so she would have no choice but to come crawling here on her hands and knees."
She gestured up at the stage. "And I would make her dance in front of everyone. Her delicious public shame would finally sate my righteous crusade for revenge."
"You realize she's my friend, right?" Beki folded her arms. "You wanted to humiliate my friend in front of every woman our age in the village! I can't believe you!"
"What does it matter, Beki? Somehow the little mouse smelled the cat," Yuki sighed as she stood. "Come on. We might as well go downstairs and enjoy ourselves."
Beki opened her mouth to protest but Hinata gave her arm a small tug. "Beki, let it go."
"But that's just awful!" Beki seethed. "I just can't believe-"
"I agree with you. If Yuki had succeeded, we would definitely have intervened." Hinata let go of her arm. "Yuki failed. It's silly to hold her responsible for something that didn't even happen."
Beki pouted, her brows knit in anger. "I mean…I guess we've all imagined doing horrible things we didn't follow through on."
"Right." Hinata led her gently towards the stairs. "Its Yuki's bachelorette party. So let's do our best to make sure she enjoys herself."
Beki stared daggers into her mother's back. "But not too much."
…
As much as Beki hated to admit, Yuki had excellent taste. The music the DJ played a variety of different musicians from different genres, energizing the crowd but switching up frequently enough to not be tuned out or overwhelm. Beki listened with awe as a metal ballad transitioned into a synth/rock fusion song, only for that to turn into a peppy pop song.
None of the women were drinking but the frilly, sophisticated cocktails Beki saw in polished fingers looked on brand for Yuki. The ice skating rinks and snowball fight forts all had crowds waiting for a turn. Beki still wasn't sure what was going on in the tents but she suspected it had something to do with all the strippers her mother had hired. Anywhere you looked, though, everyone looked like they were having the time of their lives.
Everyone was gorgeous, too. Painted ladies aside, every woman in town had heard Yuki was throwing the bachelorette party of the century and stepped up to the plate. Beki had to double take multiple times when someone she knew walked by, completely transformed for the occasion and nearly unrecognizable.
"Ugggh I need a ginger ale." Yuki grumbled. "Or some peppermint tea."
"Baby bugging you?" Beki asked.
"Eh, it's probably just the adrenaline crash after being thwarted." Yuki folded her arms. "How about you? How are you holding up?"
Beki rubbed her own slightly bulging stomach. "Um, if you're getting something for yourself I wouldn't mind some."
Yuki nodded and glanced at Hinata. "How about you, sugar plum?"
Hinata held up one of the white fluffy cocktails. Beki didn't know when she'd swiped it from the wandering waitresses but it was already mostly finished. "I'm fine, thanks."
Yuki walked away and Beki looked at Hinata. Her friend was already pink, a slightly glazed over look in her eyes. "This is really very good, Beki."
"Ahuh," Beki reached over and took the glass. She gave it a small sniff and recoiled. Beki did not have to have her extra sensitive pregnancy senses to know that the cocktail was absolutely loaded with high proof booze. "Nice paint thinner you got here."
Hinata gave a frustrated sigh, puffing up her cheeks as she poked Beki's nose. "Oh, come on! I thought you would have been proud of me for 'loosening up'."
"No, you're totally fine," Beki chuckled. "I guess if it was safe for you to cut loose anywhere, it would be here. I've seen at least four of your cousins here in partial undress. If they rat you out, they're sinking their own boat."
Hinata laughed. "You're totally right. If Himiko's mother knew what she was wearing, she'd shave half her head. She probably has decoy clothes shoved in a bush halfway between here and the compound. She'll stuff that dress in a dumpster and pretend it never happened."
Beki cocked an eyebrow. "You sound awfully privy to that technique. I would accuse you of learning through personal experience but I would have been guilty right alongside you."
Hinata shrugged. "Well, I did make myself the family black sheep. The other Hyuuga girls treated me like the den mother of naughtiness and confided all their secrets to me."
Beki heard her mother approaching. Yuki was bearing two cans of ginger ale, frost spreading across the surface of the metal from contact with her skin. Beki's mouth watered at the thought of the near freezing crisp drink. Yuki wrapped it in a napkin before handing it over, which drew a knowing grin from Beki's lips. This newly formed habit had to come from Yuki living with Kakashi. If Beki had to guess, her mother had probably absentmindedly handed Kakashi something so cold it burned him. Multiple times.
"Hey, uh," Yuki jerked her head off to the side. "You should probably go rescue your friend before she ruins her reputation."
"What?" Beki snapped her head to the side and spotted Hinata in one of the small cabana tents. Yuki wordlessly took Beki's soda as she stormed into the tent. "Hinata, time to go."
Hinata was standing inside a ring of identical triplets all pressed up against her. Beki shot them a threatening look and extracted Hinata amidst a sea of moany protests.
"Beki, what are you doing?" Hinata blinked in confusion, anger creeping into her voice as Beki used a makeup wipe to remove the three shades of lipstick smattered around her friend's face. "Naruto came to surprise me!"
"That wasn't Naruto," Beki sighed. "Those were strippers, Hinata."
Hinata's brows furrowed. "But why…how?"
"He's literally the guy that saved the world multiple times," Beki explained. "Wanting to screw or be screwed by your hero is a thing. Plus, the guy runs around as a slammin blonde in pigtails."
She gestured around them and Hinata finally noticed how many scantily clad close approximates of her husband were running around before bursting into tears.
Beki gave her a concerned look. "Hinata, what did you do?"
"I don't know! I can't remember now!" Hinata sobbed.
Yuki chuckled. "Guys, they're just strippers. Their job is to be a little flirty. I know I'm arrogant but its not like I'm flaunting my position to have escorts at my party. Besides, I didn't pay that much up front."
"And what classifies as flirting to a stripper?" Beki cocked an eyebrow.
"For how long they had her hands on her?" Yuki laughed. "They copped a feel, at worst. I mean that's what I would have done."
Beki continued to give her mother an incredulous look as Hinata cried into her skirt. Beki rubbed her back and shushed her gently.
"I know I said I hired every stripper in town but remember I worked with a lot of them." Yuki folded her arms. "All the aggressive or overly ambitious ones are stuck behind counters or waitressing."
She grinned at Beki's expectant silence. "Okay, so maybe this was a double duty revenge plot. Humiliate Miki and get payback on any of the girls who were stupid enough to try to steal my clients."
"How many clients did you have stolen?" Hinata hiccuped. Her sobs were slowly dying into cute puppy like whines.
"Who, me?" A shadow crossed Yuki's face as her smile twisted into something more sinister. "Do I look like someone who has their clients stolen?"
Beki frowned. "You stole their clients."
"Bingo." Yuki grinned.
Beki rolled her eyes. "Every time I start to forget you did a stint in town as a stripper you have to bring it up again. It's like the idea of being respectable is repulsive to you."
"It isn't repulsive, per se," Yuki put her hands on her hips and looked off at the stage pensively. "Respectable people are just…weak. They're stable and predictable in a way that makes them seem vulnerable. But maybe that isn't such a bad thing, having people underestimate you."
"So this is your last hurrah?" Beki helped Hinata back up to her feet. "A reminder of the knife you're sheathing?"
Yuki tapped her fingers on her arm and stared out at the revelers. "If I'm being honest I wanted to see if I needed it. The chaos, I mean."
"And?" Beki asked.
"Normally I'm the life of the party," Yuki smirked. "But it was kind of fun orchestrating everything from the shadows."
Beki noticed that the weight of Hinata clinging to her leg had disappeared. Hinata had detatched herself and was going through the laborious process of regaining her footing.
"Here," Beki held out a hand and hoisted the heiress to her feet.
Hinata was unable to stabilize herself and the momentum of Beki's pull carried her right into Beki. Beki was barely able to withstand the impact of Hinata body slamming her. Hinata giggled and draped her arms around Beki's neck.
"Surprise hug!"
Yuki cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Maybe you should get your friend home."
Beki shrugged, ignoring the way Hinata nuzzled into her neck. "She should be fine in a little bit. Maybe we could get her some water?"
"CATCH ME!" Hinata squealed, yanking down on Beki's neck and throwing up her legs.
Beki's eyes went wide. On reflex she bent her knees and caught Hinata under the knees and behind the back so she was holding her bridal style.
"Okay, maybe she's a little drunker than I thought," Beki admitted.
Yuki laughed. "A little? She's absolutely toasted. You need to get her out of here. The last thing I want to deal with is Hiashi demanding an explanation for photos of her table dancing in the paper."
"Okay, Hina chan, time to go home," Beki carefully set her back on her feet. She slung Hinata's arm over her shoulder and supported Hinata with an arm around the waist. Hinata allowed herself to be led, giggling softly with her head on Beki's shoulder.
With all of the women in town celebrating at Yuki's bachelorette party, that meant all the town's men were either enjoying a guy's night or spending time with their kids. For Beki and Hinata, that meant there was no audience to see their sad parade home. About halfway along their trek, Hinata had fallen down at least a dozen times. Beki took off her heels, shoved them in Hinata's bag, and began to carry her home piggyback style while barefoot.
"We're too old for this crap, Hinata," Beki lamented. "You'd better not tell Neji about this. He'd have kittens if he knew. The man won't even let me carry a handbag cuz of the pregnancy."
"WOOO!" Hinata threw up her arms, the sudden movement almost sending them both to the pavement. "I'm a cowgirl!"
"SHHH," Beki hissed. "Okay, this isn't working. Hinata, let's play a game."
"I like games!" Hinata giggled.
"Good. We're going to pretend to be ninjas on a stealth mission," Beki explained. "So you have to hold onto me and be extra quiet."
"What kind of stealth mission are we doing?" Hinata whispered a little too loudly right in Beki's ear.
Beki winced. "It's top secret. I don't even know the details."
Hinata's eyes went wide. "Wow. It must be. Its your game and you don't even know!"
"Yeah," Beki nodded. "Are you ready?"
Hinata nodded and hugged her neck with a determined expression. "Let's go burn some shit!"
"Whoooah, easy killer," Beki chuckled. "Tell me how you really feel."
"I feel invincible," Hinata said at a much more tolerable volume. She squinted up her face and pulled her arms in tight. Beki felt her shaking slightly against her back.
"You okay back there?"
"I'm trying to turn into the Burned Maiden," Hinata said. "It isn't working!"
Beki laughed so hard she nearly dropped her. "No, Hinata. That's me."
Hinata pouted. "But I wanna burn shit."
"I love you desperately, Hinata, and it pains me to say this," Beki shook her head. "But you are effing hilarious when you're drunk. I might start spiking your drinks."
"My dad spikes his tea." Hinata clapped a hand over her mouth with a childishly shocked expression. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that."
"What?!" Beki squealed. "No!"
Hinata squeezed her eyes shut and frowned, her voice cracking. "Its whiskey."
Beki walked in silence, eyes wide in shock. "I would have never guessed."
"Hanabi got drunk when she was twelve," Hinata whispered conspiratorily. "She mixed up their mugs and shot gunned it."
"I can't even imagine that happening in your house," Beki shook her head.
"Its why he let us start wearing lip gloss," Hinata admitted. "So we could keep track of which cup was ours."
Once they'd reached the compound, Beki awkwardly helped Hinata hop the wall. After living with the Hyugas as long as Beki had, she knew where and when the patrols were slack. Not that they were ever really lacking. There just happened to be a few laid back Hyuga guards that knew how to keep their mouths shut about the occasional harmless shenanigan. Two young women coming home late at night from a party, dirty, barefoot, and one of them rather drunk was not unreasonable. That didn't mean Beki wanted to stumble into Hiashi all the same.
Beki set Hinata down on the porch and fished through her purse for the keys. Hinata hugged Beki from the side and rested against her as she fumbled with the lock.
"You're a cuddly drunk, aren't you," Beki chucked as she led her inside.
"I'm cuddly all the time," Hinata said as she clumsily kicked off her heels. "I just care about behaving more than needing cuddles."
"Aw," Beki frowned as she peeled off her ruined stockings and tossed the in the trash. She didn't want to track gunk all over her friend's house. "You know you can always cuddle me."
All of a sudden Beki felt Hinata's hands on her hips. Her fingers wrapped under the hem of Beki's dress and lifted it up, exposing her rear. "Uh, what are you doing?"
Hinata blinked. "I couldn't figure out what underwear you were wearing with such a tight dress."
"So you just helped yourself to a peek?" Beki swatted her hands away. "What if I hadn't been wearing anything?"
Hinata shrugged. "I dunno. You act like I don't accidentally see naked people all the time. It isn't weird to me. They're cute, by the way. I would never have the stones to wear a neon pink thong like that, even if I knew no one was going to see it."
"What if you bought it on purpose to surprise Naruto?" Beki offered.
Hinata pointed finger guns at Beki and nodded. "There's an idea!" She sobered. "But people would see me buying it. They would know it was for me."
Beki rolled her eyes. "God, Hinata. I'll buy your wild thongs for you."
Hinata beamed. "You're the best!"
She threw her arms around Beki. Beki hugged her back and noticed the horrible reek of alcohol in her hair and clothes. "Ugh, you need a shower."
"Bath time!" Hinata trotted towards the stairs, stumbling halfway across the carpet, only to regain her footing and bound towards the second floor.
Beki sighed and followed. When she found Hinata in the master bathroom, the heiress was sitting on the floor. She'd pulled her dress up over her head but had trapped herself within from the armpits up. Beki could hear soft cries from within the writhing mass of black fabric above the matching black bra and panties.
"Beki, help, I'm stuck," Hinata whimpered.
Beki pulled the dress the rest of the way off, steadied her friend as she stepped out of her underwear, and unhooked her bra. Beki made sure that the water was the appropriate temperature before letting Hinata climb in. Beki had her sit on the floor of the tub and washed her hair under the running shower. Hinata washed her face and body while Beki grabbed her a towel. As Hinata dried herself off Beki fished a pair of underwear and a pair of pajamas out of Hinata's drawers. While she was helping Hinata get dressed, her friend grabbed her boob.
"Ow," Beki frowned and held a hand over her chest protectively. "What the hell?"
"They're so much bigger than normal," Hinata held Beki's face in her hands. "It's the baby. The baby is making your tits huge!"
"Yeah," Beki laughed. "They're really swollen though, careful."
Hinata frowned. "Crap, sorry. I forgot how tender they get. Do you want me to massage them for you?"
"No, Hina chan, I'm good," Beki shook her head and chuckled. "Let's get you to bed, Handsy-pants."
Beki pulled back the covers and helped Hinata into bed. Hinata smiled up at her warmly and held out her arms for a hug. "Kiss me goodnight?"
Beki rolled her eyes but leaned in anyway. She went to kiss Hinata on the cheek, but her friend pulled her in and planted a hot open mouthed kiss on her lips. Beki pulled away with a weirded out expression.
Hinata furrowed her brows and pouted. "What, you kiss everyone all the time."
"Yeah, Hinata," Beki smirked. "But that's like, a small peck in greeting. You just stuck your tongue in my mouth."
Hinata rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She reached out and took Beki's hand in hers. "I really love you, Beki. I love you a whole bunch."
"A whole bunch?" Beki smiled. "Well, I love you infinity."
Hinata's eyes went wide. "I love you infinity plus one."
"I love you infinity times infinity." Beki said.
Hinata's pout returned. "I can't love you that much. That's how much I love Naruto."
Beki laughed. "That's fine, Hinata. I'm okay if you just love me inifinity plus one."
"Good." Hinata pat her face. "I won't tell Neji you love me more."
"You know you're my favorite Hyuga." Beki kissed her head and tucked her in. "Goodnight, Hinata."
…
The next morning, Beki walked over to check in on Hinata at her house. Her knocking was answered by a bedraggled nest of purple-black hair. Lilac irises peeked out at her from behind puffy red eyelids.
"Shh," Hinata whispered as she squinted into the morning sun. "Not so loud."
Beki nodded, doing her best to suppress a smile as she followed her friend inside.
"Coffee?" Hinata offered. Beki noticed her friend was using a considerably larger mug than usual. It was emblazoned with a photo from her and Naruto's wedding.
"Sure, thanks," Beki whispered. "So, how are you feeling?"
Hinata gave her a pitiful look. "Being stabbed hurts less."
"Naruto get home okay?" Beki asked.
"Yeah," Hinata set down a mug in front of her friend before taking a seat at the table across from her. "He got up early this morning to go for a run."
"How much of last night do you remember?" Beki watched Hinata carefully as she sipped from her cup. By the way the woman blanched and turtled back into her own hair, Beki had her answer. "Don't worry, Hina chan. I won't breathe a word of it to anyone. I mean, you love me infinity plus one. I could never betray that much love."
Before she could reply, the door opening caught both of their attention. Naruto stepped inside, glistening with sweat. Beki noticed that he didn't look the least bit hungover. Either he kept control of himself at Kakashi's bachelor party or he held his liquor better than his wife did.
"Oh, hey Beki." Naruto grinned.
"Hey Naruto," Beki smiled back. "How was Kakashi's bachelor party?"
Naruto had crossed the room, kissing Hinata's temple in passing before taking a glass out of the cupboard. Hinata had finished her coffee and was holding the still hot mug to her face.
"It was, uh, well, how to explain," Naruto rubbed the side of his head self-consciously. He bought himself time by pouring a glass of water. "It didn't go as planned. I think overall the night turned out okay but I really thought it was going to be a dud for a minute."
Beki cocked an eyebrow. "It wouldn't have anything to do with my mother booking every stripper in the city, would it?"
Naruto rolled his eyes, his entire body following the motion. "Yeah, Beki. That might have had something to do with it."
"How did you manage to have a bachelor party with no strippers?" Beki asked.
"Well, lucky enough the strip club had cable and a projector," Naruto poured himself another glass. "So he was happy enough to have an Icha Icha Marathon running the whole time. Plus, it was Miki's place. She came in and had to run the whole joint by herself but she took care of us."
"That sounds like Miki. She always was clever in a tight spot," As soon as Beki finished speaking, her expression skewed as though it had dredged up an unpleasant memory. "Anyway, I'm glad Mom didn't completely screw you over."
Naruto shook his head and shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Kakashi isn't a big 'center of attention' kind of guy. It ended up being exactly the kind of weird, intimate mess he's at home in."
A comfortable silence fell over them before their eyes were mutually drawn to Hinata. She'd buried her face in her hands, enveloping herself into the dark curtains of her hair. "Light hurts," She said softly, sensing their gaze.
"So how was the bachelorette party?" Naruto grinned. "Can't imagine what it would have looked like with, like, a hundred strippers running around?"
"It was more than that," Beki rested her chin on her hand. "Then again it was hard to tell. So many of the girls were walking around in skimpy outfits or costumes you couldn't tell them apart."
Naruto raised his eyebrows in interest. "Costumes? There were costumes?"
Beki didn't notice Hinata grow visibly smaller in her seat as she spoke. "Yeah, it was the funniest thing. You know strippers always have like, a gimmick or a getup. All the regular girls were doing it too. It was like an 18+ all girls Halloween bash. I saw sexy costumes of things that should never have had a sexy costume."
"Sexy…" Naruto wracked his brain for the most offensive thing he could muster. "Madara?"
"I was thinking of the Sexy Substitution Log girl, but that I guess is just as bad in its own way." Beki agreed.
Naruto glanced at his wife. "What was the worst one you saw, Hinata?"
"I didn't look at anyone!" Hinata whimpered.
Naruto laughed. "Sweetie, its fine. I know you probably saw a little more skin than your comfortable with but this is just for a laugh."
"She just saw something that might have upset her," Beki waved it off. "You know she's sensitive. Don't worry about it."
Naruto blinked. "What outfit could she have possibly seen that upset her?"
"There should be a law." Hinata growled.
Naruto's brows knit. "Wait, what?" He looked at Beki. "Did something happen?"
Beki threw up her hands. "No, no nothing happened! It's just the hangover making her overdramatic."
Hinata slammed her fist down on the table. "How could I have possibly known they were just triplet strippers dressed like my husband! It's beyond ridiculous! It's not my fault!"
She leapt to her feet and ran up the stairs with tears streaming down her face.
Naruto's jaw went slack. He made a small noise before his eyes fell on Beki, who had buried her face in her hands. "Beki, what did my wife do with strippers?"
"Nothing, Naruto, I promise." Beki peeked at him through her fingers. "She obviously drank a little too much and got flirty-"
"With triplet strippers!" Naruto fell into the chair across from her. "What the hell, Beki! You should have called me!"
Beki shrugged. "Hey, I had my hands full. I'm sorry."
Naruto whined. "I missed out on drunk Hinata flirting with sexy triplets disguised as me. Do you realize how many years of teasing I could have squeezed out of that? At least a decade."
Beki left the safety of her hands. "Wait, you aren't mad?"
"No, Beki. I'm not mad." Naruto sank in his chair. "Tell me…were they busty? Which of my outfits were they wearing?"
"Uh…yes and I don't know. Just one of your regular orange get ups. Why?" Beki asked.
"So I can recreate it and pester her." Naruto sighed. "You don't know what it's like. She's just so good. I never have anything to razz her about."
"I get it. Neji's like that." Beki looked up towards the stairs, weighing her options. Solidarity with her best friend or with the only other non-Hyuuga in the compound. After a moment, she looked back at him. "They were all wearing pink and red lipstick. Two had pigtails and one had a ponytail."
Naruto rubbed his hands together and beamed. "Perfect."
…
Yuki sauntered downstairs in a floral silk robe, her pregnant belly exposing the soft white nightgown beneath. Not a trace of the evening's festivities could be seen: her eyes were bright, skin unblemished, and hair well kept.
She found Kakashi equally put together reading the paper at the table.
"Good morning," He called out without looking up. "How'd you sleep?"
"Wonderful," Yuki stretched and slid into the seat across from him. "You would have thought with such an exciting night I wouldn't have slept a wink. After I took a shower, though, I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow."
Kakashi shrugged. "I don't even remember you climbing into bed."
"No, you were out cold." Yuki gave him a sly smile. "I may have even put my cold feet on your back to try to wake you up."
"That explains the nightmare about the frost troll." Kakashi chuckled.
They sat in silence for a moment. Yuki knew the game he was playing. She wanted him to ask about her party, so of course, Kakashi was never going to bring it up. She could either let it go or concede to her vanity. Yuki opted for the latter.
"It turned out so grand, you know. I really must thank you and Shikamaru for arranging for the venue," Yuki purred. "I've never seen so many Konoha women in one place. Or so happy, for that matter."
He wasn't taking the bait. Kakashi was politely listening but he never completely lowered the paper. Yuki needed to apply pressure.
"You would have thought having that many strippers in one place would have been ridiculous," Yuki adjusted her bathrobe. "I think it was just enough, actually. Without their professional party attitude things might have been rather dull."
Kakashi lowered the paper. She had him now.
"Which reminds me," Yuki leaned languidly back in her chair. "How was your party, Kakashi? Did the boys come through?"
"Typically this sort of event isn't my thing. Strip clubs, strippers, getting drunk…I've gone through the motions of attending for my friends before." Kakashi folded his hands. "But the guys put a lot of time and effort into planning the party for me. I made up my mind to enjoy myself because of their hard work, and oddly enough, I ended up having an amazing time."
Yuki's smile had cracked. It was subtle, a drooping at one corner that betrayed her inner turmoil. "Really? What all did you do?"
Kakashi lit up. "Oh, I have pictures! Do you want to see?"
He grabbed a manilla envelop off the counter behind him and presented it. Yuki couldn't restrain herself from snatching it out of his hands. She could feel his eyes on her as she jealously fished out its contents. The wail she let out at the sight of the pictures sounded like a dying animal.
"NO!"
Kakashi blinked innocently. "What? I thought you wanted to see?"
Yuki threw the envelope down on the table and jumped to her feet with surprising agility. "You knew! I don't know how you did but you knew!"
Kakashi picked up the top photo on the stack. It was Miki in her cowgirl outfit sitting on his lap. There was another with him sitting in the chair, the men around him cheering, with the bra from Miki's outfit draped across his face. He had to admit, Miki was a professional. They were all staged but Yuki was clearly convinced.
"She was the ONE person I wanted at my party and she's the ONE stripper you had!" Yuki was shaking. Her eyes were wide and glimmered with a strange light.
"You wanted Miki? I thought you were just trying to keep me from having strippers at my party," Kakashi frowned apologetically.
"Of course I wanted Miki!" Yuki stamped her foot. "I wanted revenge and a chance to bear witness to that glorious, impossible body of hers! No one has tits that big and an ass that thick on one body without surgery but by God she does!"
"You put all that time, all that effort, and God knows how much money into that bachelorette party just to see Miki strip?" Kakashi pulled up his headband so he could level her with two eyes worth of disbelief. "Wouldn't have been easier to just offer Miki all that money up front? She might have done it, you know?"
"You don't think I tried that already?!" Yuki paced like a caged animal. "Ugh. It shouldn't be so damn hard to have one drunken night with a living centerfold on my last outing as a single woman."
Kakashi gave her a deadpan look. "You should not be this insatiably perverted when you're this pregnant."
"Are you kidding? That's just it. This is the only time I can get away with being unbearably horny." Yuki put her hands on her back. "I'm a hot mess of hormones and cravings, Kakashi. Speaking of which I just realized how beautiful it is that the bird in the tree outside has a family and I need to go cry for a while."
"Okay. You do that," Kakashi said as he scooped all the photos back into the manilla envelope. He would let her have her space, even if the reason she was crying was just because she was a sore loser.
As she walked by, Yuki snatched the envelope out of his hands. "I need these."
"For what?" Kakashi blinked.
Yuki stared him down. "Take a guess!"
Kakashi's victory suddenly felt rather unimportant. "Can I come with?"
For a moment, Yuki's fury filled gaze was hot on his skin but she relented. "Fine. I guess you're better than nothing."