A/N: Hey everyone, sorry for the wait. Thank you to those of you who left a review on the last chapter, they were really appreciated! For a while there I needed to take a bit of a break from this story, but finally, here is the next chapter. Because it ended up being so long I have divided this chapter in two, and while the second half of the chapter is mostly done, I still have a bit more to add before I can edit. I will try to get it posted soon though because you guys have had to wait so long. Thanks for reading!
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"Do you want to explain to me why these legal documents are bothering you so much?" Regina asked.
Emma gave a soft sigh, meeting Regina's saddened gaze as the brunette looked up at her.
When Emma failed to respond, Regina nodded gently in disappointment. She pressed her lips together, trying to ignore the wave of hurt she felt over the fact that Emma didn't seem to want to help her should things go badly at the hospital; given they even made it that far. She knew that if she were ever unable to make her own healthcare decisions, the doctors themselves would be more than capable of choosing the treatments they saw best, but she had hoped Emma would be able to speak for her as well, should the need arise.
It didn't bother her so much that Emma was reluctant to do so, it was quite a responsibility after all, but the part that bothered Regina the most was that Emma didn't want to tell her the reason why. Emma kept telling her that she would be there for her, that Regina wouldn't have to anything alone, but maybe there were limits to that after all.
STORYBROOKE:
Current Time: 9:00 PM
Planned Departure Time: 1:30 AM
...
The front door to the Mills' residence flew open as Emma raced into the house. She slammed it a little too hard behind her before she hurried into the sitting room. She had heard the urgency in David's voice when he'd called asking her to come back to the house, and she knew she had to get there immediately.
"Emma!" Henry cried when he saw her, immediately bounding towards her and throwing himself into her arms.
"Henry," Emma said in shock, wrapping her arms around him as he clung desperately to her. "What's wrong?"
"Emma, thank god you're here." David said from where he and Snow were standing with their arms around each other.
"Why what's going on?"
"Emma, you have to help her," Henry sobbed into her shirt. "Please help her! Please, please!"
A feeling of dread washed over Emma as her head raised in the direction of Regina's room on the second floor.
"Henry slow down, tell me what happened."
The ten-year-old couldn't respond through his weeping as he hugged her even harder.
"Is your mom up in her room? Why is she alone? Let me just go see her and–"
"Emma." Mary Margaret stopped her, shaking her head.
Emma looked over into the mournful expressions of her parents again, and she felt a chill run through her as she began to fear the worst.
"Guys... please, someone talk to me, what's going on? I've barely been gone thirty minutes what the hell happened?"
"It's... it's Regina." Mary Margaret said tearfully. She shot a heartbroken glance down at Henry before meeting Emma's gaze again and leaning more fully into her husband's embrace.
"What about Regina? Is she okay?" Emma's voice rose in panic.
"She's..." Mary Margaret faltered, looking up at David.
"What?!" Emma insisted.
David rubbed his hand over his face, looking like he was wracked with guilt.
Henry on the other hand, was crying so hard that Emma knew he wouldn't be able to clearly explain anything even if he tried.
And so an exasperated Emma stared at her parents, waiting for one of them to finally speak. She was almost ready to shake the information out of them they were taking so long.
"Someone talk to me!" Emma shouted.
"It was my fault." David said, sounding as if he were about to be sick.
"What was your fault?" Emma asked cautiously.
She was both surprised and petrified to see that there were a few tears shining in his eyes, but she was starting to get angry with the lack of information she was receiving.
"David what was your fault?!"
"She's gone Emma." Mary Margaret said in a broken voice.
"Wha–?" Emma's breath caught in her throat as her stomach sank at the words. She dazedly looked back down at the sobbing ten-year-old in her arms.
"She's gone." Snow's whispered voice repeated.
SEVEN HOURS EARLIER
Emma was still sitting with Regina on the floor in the front hall of the house. Regina's tears had dried and her breathing had returned to normal, but her arms were wrapped defensively around her waist again.
Regina had hoped that after taking a rest, she would be able to get back upstairs without help, just as she had on her way down to the kitchen to talk to Emma. However as the minutes ticked by, she was beginning to accept that perhaps she wasn't going to be able to stand up on her own after all, given the return of the dizziness and the overwhelming feeling of physical weakness.
"You ready to go back upstairs yet?" Emma's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I don't need your help Swan," Regina replied. She tiredly leaned her head back against the wall as she closed her eyes, willing her headache to go away. "I'll be able to do it on my own, I just need to rest first."
"Regina, we've already been here for over half-an-hour. Things aren't going to just magically get better in the next ten minutes." Emma replied, picking up on Regina's use of her last name. It was a term Regina hadn't used in months and it caused the Sheriff to feel a twinge of uneasiness at the now unfamiliarity of it.
"My dizziness has gone down before, I'm sure it will again."
"Last time you had painkillers." Emma reminded her gently. "So unless you decide to have some more, just let me help you get back up to bed; sitting here like this can't be comfortable for you at all. The marble floor's starting to get to me so I can't imagine how you must be feeling."
"If you're starting to get sore then why don't you leave? You don't have to stay here and babysit me Emma, I'll be fine."
"I'm not going to just leave you here Regina." Emma replied softly. She frowned in worry as she noticed the mayor's flushed skin. "Come on, let me help you."
Regina's gaze dropped to her folded arms, she didn't respond to the other woman.
"Look, I'm really sorry for what I just did." Emma said, placing her hand on Regina's arm.
The brunette flinched when she felt the touch, and Emma quickly withdrew her hand, feeling an aching wave of regret as she realized Regina was more affected by Emma's recent actions than she was letting on.
"I'm sorry," Emma repeated, almost in a whisper. She swallowed nervously. It was such a quick thing that had happened but the repercussions seemed to be much bigger. "I promise I won't run off on you like that again."
Regina breathed a sharp laugh, suddenly looking at the blonde incredulously. Emma didn't even understand.
"I'm not upset about that Emma."
"You're not?"
"No. And do you know why I'm not upset?" Regina said, suddenly sounding more like the territorial mayor Emma had met on her first day in Storybrooke.
Emma shook her head, unsure if she wanted to know where this was headed.
"I'm not upset because I'm angry with myself. I should have known better than to believe everything you've been saying to me. "
"What are you–"
"–I should have known that something like this was going to happen eventually. You run away from your problems Emma, you always have. It's just the way you are. You push people away, and do you know what? I can't even blame you for it because for most of my adult life, I've been exactly the same way; you and I, we both push people away. It was only a matter of time before one of us finally came through."
As blue eyes studied brown ones, Emma saw the pain buried in Regina's. And while she knew the brunette was just saying this to hurt her in response to Emma's behaviour, it was still upsetting.
"Regina..."
"It's what you do." Regina paraphrased, blinking back tears, angry at herself for letting them form in the first place. "I knew it was only a matter of time before things got too difficult for you here."
"Regina that's not fair. I've been trying my best–"
"You talk a good game but when things get messy, you disappear."
"I just... don't like to talk about my feelings. You can still trust me Regina, everything I've been saying is true, I'll stand by you no matter what. I wasn't trying to get away from you just now, I–"
"Yes you were. You left because you didn't want to talk to me. You thought I wouldn't have the energy to follow you so it would be fine to just rush off and pretend not to hear me."
"I–" Emma opened her mouth to deny it but found that nothing in Regina's sentence was a lie.
"I'm just another problem that you don't want to deal with."
"Whoa, hey, Regina that is so not true."
There were angry tears in Regina's eyes as she shook her head. The betrayal in her voice was only partially masked behind accusation. "Did you think I would just forget what you did by the time you returned?! Did you think I would forget what I wanted to talk to you about? My mind may not be as sharp as it should be right now, but I haven't lost it yet."
"No... I didn't think that at all I swear. I–I just needed some time to think, that's all. I'm so sorry Regina," Emma ended in an almost whisper, fearful of the Queen's sudden change in mood. She hadn't meant to hurt her so badly.
"Save me your apologies, I know now they're just empty words." Regina responded, now sounding more hurt than angry as her mask began to fade.
"Regina I swear they aren't. I do care about you, and no matter what happens, I'm not going to make you go through any of this on your own."
Regina huffed, looking away. Wasn't Emma getting tired of saying that?
"I mean it." Emma continued. "The way I reacted... it's just because I'm not used to this sort of thing and it's all just so fucking scary. And with us leaving today, I was already on edge. I'm not good with verbalizing my feelings Regina, you know that. I'm sorry I hurt you, but please don't push me away now."
"I'm pushing you away?" Regina asked in quiet incredulity.
"I know... I know I've been acting like a jerk." Emma said regretfully. "But please let me try to make it up to you?" She asked softly.
A heavily breathing Regina met Emma's apologetic blue eyes again, wanting more than anything to believe her. At the same time, she didn't want to fill herself with even more false hope, which would only be crushed when Emma let her down again.
She didn't want to keep leaning so heavily on the Savior that she would forget how to stand on her own when Emma decided it was all too much.
"I want to trust you," Regina said in a pained voice.
"Then trust me. I'm here for you Regina, I swear. I'm going to get you to Boston, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you on the way there. You don't have to worry about what's going to happen to you, and you don't have to worry about Henry. I'm not going to let anyone touch either one of you. I promise."
The brunette sniffled, looking at Emma's hand, which was placed gently on Regina's knee. There were things she wanted to ask Emma, but it was those questions which had started all of this in the first place. She could try to press the matter again, but she was just so exhausted. She didn't want a fight, and she didn't want to face any more of Emma's tendencies to avoid answering her questions about the documents. She should just hope that Emma would keep her word, but the blonde still wouldn't give her a direct 'yes' or 'no' and it was the not knowing that was worrying Regina. Emma didn't seem to understand why this was so important to her, but she was tired of trying to explain why when the answer should be obvious to anyone with a brain.
There were a few long minutes of silence during which Regina's breathing had begun to even out. Emma could see that the anger had dissipated, but she wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.
"So... are we okay?" Emma asked quietly.
Regina blinked back a few tears before grief-filled brown eyes met pleading blue ones. She could see that Emma believed that she had apologized enough, that her repetitions of previously claimed statements had made things better, but in truth, Emma still hadn't told Regina what she really wanted to hear.
Taking a deep, calming breath, the mayor nodded. She needed Emma's company more than ever, and she didn't want to risk having the blonde distancing herself from her again.
The relief in Emma's eyes, and the subsequent smile put a soft smile on Regina's lips in response. Things may not have been perfect between the pair of them, but at least they were speaking again.
Emma gave a soft, relieved sigh before her eyes drifted over Regina. The mayor's back was pressed to the wall, but her shoulders were a little hunched forward. Her body seemed to be trembling slightly, but Emma wasn't sure if it was because Regina was cold again or if it was from the strain of being in the same position on the hard floor for too long.
"Come on," Emma said softly. "You need to get your rest. What do you say we bring you somewhere that's a bit more comfortable than this marble floor hm?"
Regina looked at Emma's outstretched hand for a moment, as if she was still hesitant to accept the help. Finally, conceding that with how bad her dizziness still was on-and-off that it wouldn't be a good idea to try to stand up on her own, her slightly shaking hand slipped into Emma's.
Emma wrapped her arm around the brunette's torso so that Regina wouldn't have to put as much effort in.
As Emma helped her into a standing position, Regina suddenly gave a shuddering breath, and the blonde worried that she had accidentally hurt her. "Regina, are you okay?"
"I'm–" Regina whispered, closing her eyes and reaching a hand to her head.
"I'm sorry, did I go too fast?" Emma's eyes widened in worry as the brunette whimpered in discomfort.
Her body angled towards Emma's and at first the latter thought she was trying to lean in for support, but as Regina exhaled softly, Emma quickly realized that the other woman was losing consciousness.
"Regina!"
Emma's arms were immediately secured around the falling queen.
"No," Emma's voice trembled in panic. "No. Regina?!"
Emma had lowered Regina's limp form carefully to the floor, and she was now cradling the brunette, trying to coax her awake again.
When Regina didn't move a muscle, a now shivering Emma glanced up the stairs before deciding to take her into the sitting room, the easiest place to get too from where they currently were.
"Come on, it's okay, I've got you," Emma whispered to the unresponsive brunette.
Keeping an arm around Regina's back, Emma slipped her other arm underneath Regina's legs and lifted her with very little effort. Once Emma was standing, she quickly but carefully brought Regina up the steps to the main floor.
Just as she was crossing to the room, she heard footsteps coming down from the second floor.
"What happened?!"
Emma glanced towards the staircase and saw Mary Margaret rushing down the steps.
"She fainted. Her head's been bothering her again and I think she stood up too fast."
Emma arrived in the sitting room and delicately lay Regina down on one of the sofas.
Emma blinked back frightened tears as she brushed the brunette's hair back from her face. "I'm so sorry Regina." She whispered.
"Emma honey this wasn't your fault." Mary Margaret said gently, kneeling beside her to check on Regina too.
"It kind of was..." Emma replied in a strained voice.
"What do you mean?"
"Well... I sort of rushed outside while she was trying to talk to me. I didn't know she would follow me."
"Emma why would you do that?" Mary Margaret asked softly, sounding neither angry nor judgemental.
"I don't know..."
Mary Margaret had a sad look in her eyes as she turned away from Emma to feel Regina's forehead.
"I think her fever's gone up again. We should check her temperature, she might need some more Tylenol."
"She said she didn't want to take any more."
"She might not have a choice. Don't worry Emma, you know it's not going to hurt her, and she'll be at the hospital tonight, they'll know how to take care of her properly."
Emma nodded, still a little shaken up. She knew Mary Margaret was wrong, this was Emma's fault. If she hadn't caused Regina's stress levels to spike, the brunette most likely wouldn't have had the panic attack or whatever it was that she had just suffered, and subsequently she probably wouldn't be unconscious now.
"Shouldn't she be waking up by now?" Emma asked, her gaze fixed on the brunette. "Last time I saw her faint she was only out for a few seconds."
"Yesterday after she fainted she slept for nearly four hours, don't worry Emma I'm sure everything's fine."
"I hope you're right." Emma said quietly, rubbing Regina's arm softly.
Snow gave a soft sigh, standing up again. "You can go if you need to, don't worry, I'll watch over Regina while you're in town."
"Actually plans have changed, I'm going to stay now."
"Oh?"
Emma nodded. "Regina asked me to."
Mary Margaret gave a soft smile. "I told you she wanted your company."
"I know..."
Mary Margaret studied her daughter sadly for a few moments. "Emma honey please don't feel guilty about this. Regina knew she was having difficulty with her balance today, and it was her decision to come downstairs unassisted. This could have happened at any time; she could have fallen down the stairs and really hurt herself. She's fine, this has been happening lately and she's always been okay after. I wouldn't worry too much."
"It's hard not to." Emma said, not looking at her mother as she got up from the floor and reached for the blanket on the back of the couch.
"I know..." Snow said softly as she watched Emma placing the blanket over Regina.
Emma then retrieved a pillow from the other couch, and it warmed Mary Margaret's heart to see how much care Emma took when she lifted Regina to put the pillow under her head.
"I shouldn't have just left her like that." Emma said quietly, brushing Regina's hair back from her eyes. "She wouldn't have even been down there if it weren't for me."
Once Regina had woken up, an immensely relieved Emma had made sure the brunette had gotten back upstairs alright, and had been watching over her until she went to say goodbye to Mary Margaret. Her mother had offered to go out in her place so David didn't have to do everything on his own, and she was just on her way to go join him at the town hall.
As Emma stepped off of the staircase onto the main floor she saw Mary Margaret already at the front door putting her coat on.
"Hey," Mary Margaret greeted softly, looking up as she finished the last button. "How's Regina, is she alright?"
"Yeah she's okay. She's been pretty quiet though. She asked for some Tylenol about twenty minutes ago, it seems to be helping."
"Should we be worried about how she'll react to leaving tonight?"
"No I don't think so... She'll be ready by then."
"Are you sure?"
Emma folded her arms, glancing up towards Regina's room. "Yeah I'm sure."
Mary Margaret nodded, seeming a little less certain. "Well, I suppose I'll see you later then." She said in a voice that suggested she was already wishing she could come back.
"Thanks again Mary Margaret, I'm sorry you have to go out into that chaos."
"You don't have to apologize Emma, I don't mind at all."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. She needs you."
Emma's mouth twitched as if she were trying to offer a smile, but there was a pained expression in her eyes as her thoughts went back to Regina. "Well, hopefully you'll do a better job calming everyone down at least. I haven't been very successful."
Mary Margaret folded her arms, there was a grim look on her face. "I'll do my best. We may only have one shot at getting Regina out of Storybrooke tonight."
"We can't screw it up." Emma agreed. She shook her head bitterly at the thought of the people in town who still wanted to hurt Regina. "Hey, stay safe out there alright?"
"I will." Mary Margaret gave her a reassuring smile as she reached for the door.
"My phone is on if you guys need me."
"We won't call you unless we absolutely have to."
Emma gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks." She didn't think she could leave Regina and Henry there alone knowing the potential danger they could be in.
Mary Margaret nodded in response, understanding exactly what Emma was thinking. "I'll see you in a few hours." She placed her hand on the doorknob but then turned to face her daughter again.
"Oh and Emma," she said in a gentler voice. "You have to stop questioning Regina's decision to make you Henry's legal guardian. It's really been upsetting her."
"I–" Emma was surprised at the sudden statement. "I didn't mean to–"
"I think she's worried that you don't want to do it. Or that you're angry with her for it and she doesn't understand why."
"Oh–I'm not I swear."
"Then you need to tell her that." Mary Margaret continued softly. "She's scared, and the last thing she needs right now is to have doubts that you'll take care of Henry if anything happens to her. And the same goes for the medical advancement form. Either tell her you'll accept the role, or explain to her why you can't."
"But–"
"She has enough to worry about already Emma. She shouldn't also have to worry about you abandoning her in Boston if you get scared."
"That's never going to happen," Emma replied in shock.
"I know that, but with the way you've been acting, I don't think she does. Emma just help put her mind at ease. She didn't mean to upset you with these forms, but your reaction to them has really been hurting her. If you don't want to do it fine, she won't be angry with you if you say no, but you have to give her a reason why."
Emma opened her mouth to argue, but she knew Mary Margaret was right. "But I am going to do it."
"And you also haven't told her that yet. You have to explain to her why you're so upset; because if you keep shutting her conversations about the documents down, she's only going to keep thinking that you don't want to help."
Emma folded her arms, she still didn't know if she would be able to talk to Regina about how she really felt about all of this. What if she only made things worse again like she had earlier that afternoon?
"Otherwise she could stop trusting you." Mary Margaret encouraged. "Emma I know how hard this is on you too, but right now what Regina needs is hope. I know you're going to help her whatever happens, but honey, she doesn't."
"I have told her–"
" –No, you haven't." Mary Margaret cut her off. "I know you keep telling her that you'll be there for her whatever happens, but by avoiding talking to her about the legal forms she thinks that if the time comes when they're needed, you'll reject them. Emma you're the first person besides Henry that she's opened herself up to in decades. If she feels she can't trust you she could revert back to the person she used to be just to protect herself. She may never trust anyone again."
"No pressure then..." Emma mumbled, despite the painful tug of remorse she felt in her heart. She truly hadn't realized how badly her actions had been hurting Regina. She hadn't wanted to talk to Regina about it because she'd been afraid of hurting her, but in the end she'd done exactly that.
Emma practically rolled her eyes in resignation. "Fine, I'll tell her."
Mary Margaret gave a soft smile. "Thank you. And please try not to be so worried. You're scared of losing her; that's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know why you're so afraid of telling her that. You two are usually so close."
"Yeah..."
"I'll see you later Emma." Mary Margaret said, opening the door and exiting the house.
Emma sighed as she locked the door behind her mother. Mary Margaret didn't know the whole story, she didn't know that Emma had lost faith in Regina. For a few hours she believed Regina had lost the will to fight. Mary Margaret–and Regina herself, unknowingly– had helped Emma see that she had been wrong. But Emma still didn't want to have to explain to Regina that she had believed the brunette had let too much of her old self die.
4:30 PM
Emma was hovering outside the door to Regina's room. She couldn't gather the courage to go inside, but she knew she had to get this over with. She couldn't let Regina keep suffering by thinking Emma wasn't going to be there for her.
Pushing the door open gently with her fingers, she entered the room.
"Hey," she softly announced her presence.
In response she got a quiet "Hey Emma," from Henry, who was huddled in his mother's embrace. Regina's only reply was to blink her eyes open for a few moments, before silently closing them once more.
The brunette was lying down in bed, elevated by the pillows she was lying back against. Henry was under the covers with her, and her arms were wrapped delicately around him.
"Mary Margaret just left." Emma said, coming to sit down on the bed with them.
Regina's eyes were still closed, but Emma knew she was awake as she saw her fingers brushing delicately through their son's hair.
"Are there still riots in town?" Henry asked in a quiet voice.
"Yeah."
"Do they still want to stop Mom from leaving?"
"Some of them yeah."
"But not everyone right?"
Emma pressed her lips together, feeling a tug of sympathy in her heart as she studied the ailing Queen sadly.
"No kid, not everyone." She answered Henry.
"So... do you think we'll be okay tonight? You don't think anyone will... you know, attack us? You don't think they'll try to hurt my mom again do you?"
"I don't know Henry, I really hope not."
"I don't want them to." Henry's voice broke as he looked up at his adoptive mother.
Regina opened her eyes again to look down at him, and gave the ten-year-old a tired, but loving smile before closing her eyes again and sighing softly. She shifted positions ever so slightly to get more comfortable, and then rubbed Henry's back gently before she once again became still.
"I know you don't," Emma said, continuing to watch Regina sadly as Henry burrowed further into her embrace. "Neither do I."
Emma gently rested her hand on where she knew the brunette's leg was under the blankets.
"Hey," Emma said softly. "How's that headache doing?"
Regina's brow knitted, "fine." She muttered softly, not opening her eyes.
"You're not in too much pain are you?"
"Would it matter if I was?"
"Of course it would, why would you say that?" Emma asked in hushed surprise.
"I mean even if it did hurt, I couldn't take any more Tylenol for hours regardless." Regina responded tiredly.
"Regina you know that's not exactly reassuring." Emma replied lightly. "Are you in pain?"
Regina breathed a quiet sigh, blinking her eyes open. "It's fine Emma." She responded softly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Henry looked up at her. "Mom, you'd tell us if you were right?"
Regina's eyes softened at his concern. "Yes Henry, I would."
"I don't want you to be in pain."
Regina tiredly breathed a soft sigh, smiling gently in response to his words. She ran her fingers through his hair in appreciation.
"Hey, Henry?" Emma asked, still a little nervous. "Could you go hang out in your room for a little while? I just need to talk to your mom about some things."
"Why do I have to leave?"
"Because it's an adult conversation."
"Is it about my mom's health? Because you don't need to protect me from that."
"No it's not about her health." Emma said, glancing at Regina, noticing the saddened expression in her eyes as she looked off into the distance.
"Then what?"
"I told you, it's between me and Regina."
"But what about?"
"Henry, just go alright?" Emma insisted, trying to be as kind as possible throughout his newfound stubbornness. "I promise I'll come get you when we're done."
Henry's gaze dropped, for a few moments he didn't move from Regina's arms. He looked up into her eyes, hoping she would overrule Emma's orders.
"Go Henry," Regina said kindly. "Emma's right, this is just between the two of us. We'll try not to be too long." She didn't actually know what Emma planned to talk to her about, but she hoped her guess was correct.
"Okay..." Henry accepted defeat, reluctantly removing himself from his mother's arms.
Regina held the covers up for him as he got out of the bed, and as he stood beside her, he leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes as she felt a few tears forming.
"I love you Mom." He said quietly.
Regina's eyelashes fluttered open again and she reached up to touch a gentle palm to his cheek. Her eyes softened as she gave him a tiny, but affectionate smile.
Henry turned to leave the room, passing Emma as he did.
"Thanks Henry," Emma said softly, patting his shoulder comfortingly.
She felt a tug of sorrow when he didn't reply. Maybe he knew what she had done to his adoptive mother earlier, or maybe he was just miffed that she had asked him to leave.
Regina watched him silently with her eyes as he left, before fixing her gaze on Emma again, waiting. She had considered sitting up to talk to Emma, but in the end hadn't wanted to put in the effort, and so she continued to recline against the elevated pillows.
Emma felt the brunette's eyes on her as she got up to close the door. She went a bit slower than necessary just to give herself the extra time before she dove headfirst into the conversation. When she finally turned around again she saw Regina gazing towards the window. Her arms were wrapped around the blankets now that she no longer had Henry to hold.
Sighing internally, Emma moved to sit close to Regina again.
"Okay... so... I know I've been a terrible person to you today Regina, and I really didn't mean to be."
Regina gave a tiny sigh, turning to meet Emma's gaze as she listened.
"You just took me by surprise with these forms is all. Really by surprise. I didn't know how to react. But I'm realizing that I never really gave you a proper answer... you know, about whether or not I will do it."
Regina silently held her gaze for a few moments longer, before breathing out heavily. "You don't have to if you don't want to; accept the medical advancement form I mean." She said in a soft, genuine tone. "I know it was a lot to ask, probably too much after all you've done for me already. And we may not even need it at all so... you don't have to be afraid to say no Emma." She pressed her lips together, before taking another deep breath. "But I hope you'll still accept the others. For Henry's sake."
"It wasn't too much to ask Regina." Emma replied gently.
Regina looked back at her at that.
Emma shrugged apologetically. "I know that must come as a surprise after the way I've been acting today. But I told you I'd be there for you, and I'm going to keep that promise in every way possible."
Regina was silent for a few moments. "Then why have you been trying to avoid talking to me about all of this?"
"I don't know..."
Regina could see it in Emma's eyes that she was holding something back.
"Yes you do." She replied softly. "Please tell me."
"I guess..." Emma gave a mournful sigh, she hated talking about her feelings.
"What, Emma?"
"I guess I've just been in this cloud of delusion... believing that the minute we get to Boston you'll be completely healed and everything will be alright again."
Regina nodded gently, her eyes were narrowed curiously as she waited for Emma to explain further.
"But then when you showed me your Will... and the medical care and child custody forms... I guess it just hit me."
"What did?"
"That even if we do get to Boston, that doesn't change the fact that you're still really sick. I guess I just hadn't fully accepted that there's still a possibility you won't survive."
Emma looked into Regina's eyes, hoping the brunette would say something to spare Emma having to explain further, but as she suspected, Regina didn't respond. However, her head did raise a little at Emma's words.
"Regina... I am not good at making friends, and until now, I've never had a family. And that also means that I've never had anyone close to me pass away before, and so when you showed me the forms..." Emma shook her head. "It's not that I don't want to take on these responsibilities. The part that upset me so much was what the forms represent. It's the fact that I could lose you, and that scares the hell out of me."
"It does?" Regina practically whispered in surprise.
Emma nodded. "For my entire life I believed I would never have a true friend; I always thought I was better off on my own until you came along and changed that. Regina, I've never been closer to anyone than I now am to you, and I really like having you as a friend so it would be really shitty if you died on me after only a few months." Emma's voice wavered. She covered her mouth with her hand, she hadn't meant to get so emotional.
Regina's chest was rising and falling, her gaze had dropped from Emma's but Emma could see the tear that was sliding down her cheek.
"At first I thought you were giving up on yourself." Emma admitted, her voice breaking. "I guess I told myself that the only reason you thought the forms were necessary was because you didn't believe you could still survive. And if you had resigned yourself into believing that you were going to die, than that meant you were no longer going keep fighting for your life."
Emma observed Regina through tear-filled eyes, the brunette still wasn't looking at her but she could tell that she was still listening.
"But now I see that I'm the only one being weak here." Emma continued regretfully. "I got scared and I lost faith in you. I'm sorry. If anyone's the strong one here it's always been you. You gave up Henry so he could be happy; you told me about the curse so I could help you break it even though you knew the risks it would pose to you; and now with the Will, and the custody forms... you're not giving me custody because you've given up on yourself, you're just putting Henry's wellbeing first; just like you always have."
Regina wiped away a tear as she looked down at her other hand, which Emma had delicately taken into both of her own.
"I'm sorry I doubted you Regina." Emma whispered.
Rounded blue eyes studied the silent Queen fearfully. Emma hoped she hadn't said the wrong thing.
"Regina please say something."
Emma remained hopeful for a reply, but whatever Regina was thinking, she kept it to herself.
Regina's fingers were pressed lightly to the top of her forehead, her head was bowed again. "So... you thought that by giving you guardianship of Henry, I was giving up on myself?" She asked slowly, trying to make sense of the whole thing.
"Yes." Emma replied, trying to read Regina's tone. "I thought you were giving up on who you used to be. I thought the Regina I knew would never give up Henry, so that meant you'd..." Emma trailed off.
"That meant I had what Emma?"
"That meant you'd let too much of yourself die." Emma responded in a broken voice.
Regina stared at her silently. "But I wasn't giving him up; I'm not giving him up. All I'm doing is giving him another legal guardian."
"Which I thought you would never do."
Regina's expression changed. "Are you telling me," she began slowly, "that you thought I didn't trust you with Henry? You thought that even after everything that's changed between us, I would rather him be alone than be with you after I've gone? I just want him to be with his family Emma." She said in an almost whisper. "I've never wanted him to be alone."
"No... of course not. But... the form gives me guardianship over him before you're even gone. I didn't think that was something you would ever do. I thought you were... I don't know, I guess I thought you were losing yourself. It scared me."
Regina shook her head. "Emma it's like you don't even know me at all." She said, not unkindly. "I just want to make sure he's always going to be looked after, no matter what happens. That is something that has never changed. I may not have wanted to give you custody in the past, but you were a stranger to me then. You had just barged in and taken my son from me. Now you're... well you've become a big part of my life. I trust you now."
Emma smiled softly, "I know I was wrong not to talk to you. I didn't realize how badly I was scaring you by not saying anything. I was blinded by the shock of it all, I wasn't thinking straight and what I assumed about you was wrong. I'm sorry."
Regina held her gaze, nodding ever so slightly in response.
"Please don't hate me for being such a coward today." Emma pleaded softly.
Regina's eyes flicked up to meet Emma's. "I don't hate you Emma."
Now Emma remained silent for a minute, hoping Regina would say more.
But when the brunette failed to do so, given that Regina hadn't been in a very talkative mood since the most recent incident, Emma thought it best not to press her. Even if Regina didn't respond with words, Emma could read enough into her emotions through the look in her eyes, and Emma knew that was going to have to be enough for now.
Satisfied that Regina seemed content, Emma decided to move on.
"So... have your witnesses already signed the forms then?" Emma asked in a lighter tone.
Regina looked up, and Emma was pleased to see a little more sparkle in her brown eyes. "Your mother has, I'll ask David when he gets back."
"Then once he's done that everything will be settled." Emma said softly, feeling her heart warm at the small, reassured smile on Regina's lips. "Like I said before, you don't have anything to worry about Regina, we're all here for you. And I promise I won't let you down again."
Regina was silent again. Her head was bowed slightly but she was looking up at Emma with an expression the blonde couldn't quite read. After a few moments Regina looked away again, wrapping her arms a little more securely around herself.
Emma frowned as she studied the brunette.
"Regina are you alright?" She asked softly. "It's just you've been so distant ever since you collapsed."
Regina blinked back a few tears. She forced a small smile as she nodded gently. "I'm just tired, that's all. It's been a long few days."
Emma's brow creased, seeing instantly through this. "You are in pain aren't you? Is it getting worse?"
Regina sniffled, looking away from Emma. Her lack of response was all the answer Emma needed.
"Is it your headache?"
Regina subtly shook her head once to the side. She breathed a heavy sigh. "My head... my legs... my back... Everything." She replied in an almost whisper.
Emma had a tortured look in her eyes. "Why didn't you say anything? Is there anything I can do?"
Regina pressed her lips together, shaking her head again.
"Is it from pushing yourself too far this afternoon?" Emma asked, almost afraid of the answer since she knew much of that had been her fault.
Again, Regina gave a tiny head shake, closing her eyes as she did. "If anything... the walk downstairs was good for me. My legs, they've been really stiff."
Emma bit her lip as she subconsciously rubbed Regina's leg through the duvet. When she realized she was doing this, she quickly pulled her hand away.
"Sorry."
Regina didn't respond. Emma could have sworn the brunette looked almost disappointed she had stopped.
"Do you want to try walking around for a bit?" Emma suggested. "I can help you. If your joints are sore a little movement might make them feel better."
Regina closed her eyes briefly in a wordless 'no'.
"I could get the heating pad if you want? It'll help relax the muscles."
Regina's gaze drifted off to the side as she considered this.
"Or I could try massaging your legs?" Emma asked gently. "Unless you think that would make it worse?"
Regina still didn't respond. She took a deep, slightly shaky breath. Based on her expression Emma could tell she could easily start crying at any moment.
"Regina? Please tell me what I can do to help." Emma urged in soft desperation.
The brunette continued to remain silent. Emma could see the tears in her eyes as she lifted her gaze to the ceiling before closing her eyes.
"Regina?"
"Go get Henry." Regina whispered.
A/N: Thank you for reading, please review xx