CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR

The next day, Tuesday, marked the first day of class. Jane was happy to find that once again, she got Tuesday afternoons off. However, McGonagall had pulled her off to the side after giving Jane her schedule and told her that she was scheduled for counselling every other Saturday at one o'clock.

"Every other Saturday's not too bad," Remus said as they walked to History of Magic.

"I just really don't want to go," Jane said.

"A lot of students are going to counselling this year," Peter said.

"Would you keep your voice down?" Jane said, looking around to make sure no one had heard what they were talking about.

"Jane, there's nothing wrong with you going to counselling," Remus said. "Especially after what happened."

"Yeah, but how am I ever supposed to feel like a normal person again when I keep being pushed into counselling sessions," she whispered to them. "Honestly, I don't really need to see her anymore."

The boys were quiet, and Jane knew that they were thinking of the complete meltdown that she had on the train. She huffed in annoyance.

"Yesterday was just one little slip up. It was like I said; I haven't had a breakdown like that in weeks. Sammy and Sarah and I, we'd all go out and have a good time, and I was completely fine," Jane said, leaving out the fact that after all those "good times" she would feel completely low again.

"But it's nothing to be ashamed of though," James said. "She's just there to help you."

"Weren't you listening?" Jane snapped. "I'm completely fine. I don't need to see her anymore, and everyone telling me that I do need to see her, isn't making me feel any more normal. I mean, when I talked to Sammy and Sarah about all this, they agreed that it should be my choice."

"But it's not like it's hurting you," Sirius countered. "Really, all it can do is benefit you."

Jane looked at her friends and shook her head.

"You just don't understand," she said more to herself than to them.

"Then enlighten us, please, because yesterday, you were in hysterics about how what your mum did was your fault," Sirius shot back almost maliciously, tired of her snapping at them about this whole counselling thing.

There was a loud sound that reverberated through the corridor as Jane's hand made contact with the side of Sirius' face. Sirius rubbed his reddening cheek, and Jane, while fuming with anger, seemed surprised that she had slapped him.

"Don't talk to me," she said in a cold voice before walking into the classroom.

James thumped Sirius in the back of his head and shot him and incredulous expression.

"Why would you say that?" he demanded.

Sirius' cheek had gone all tingly, and he now rubbed the back of his head.

"I was just trying to get her to see that maybe she still needs help," he said.

"Well, that's not how you do it!" James said.

"Well, she was getting on my nerves a bit," Sirius countered.

"Her mum's dead, Padfoot. If she's getting on your nerves, suck it up and deal with it," James said.

"Hey, she wants to be treated like a normal person, as if nothing's happened, and that's what I'm doing," Sirius pointed out.

"You're being an arse is what you're doing," Remus said.

Sirius rolled his eyes, and they walked into their class. Jane was sitting on the far side of the room next to a group of Hufflepuffs. Sirius looked at her and sighed slightly out of annoyance.

"Leave her alone, Sirius," Remus warned when he saw Sirius looking at Jane.

Sirius smirked at Remus.

"When have I ever left her alone?" he said.

James and Remus scowled at Sirius as he made his way causally over to where Jane sat. Jane didn't look up as he sat beside her, but she clicked her tongue in an irritated way.

"What part of 'Don't talk to me' did you not get through your dangerously thick head?" Jane asked, still not looking at him.

Sirius scribbled on a piece of parchment and pushed it in front of her.

I haven't said anything.

Jane rolled her eyes, and shot him a look that said, "That's not funny."

"Leave me alone," she said.

Sirius started to scribble on the parchment again, and Jane snatched it up and ripped it to pieces.

"Stop that!" she snapped.

"Maybe I'm trying to say I'm sorry," Sirius said.

"Then just say it," Jane said angrily.

"You told me not to talk to you," he said, smirking.

Jane narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're about this close to getting slapped again," she said, holding her thumb and forefinger very close to each other.

Sirius held up his hands in surrender.

"All right," he said. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No, you shouldn't have," she agreed.

"But," Sirius continued, "I still think you're wrong about the whole counselling thing."

Jane let out a scornful noise and shook her head again. He just didn't understand.

"Do you not like the woman?" Sirius asked.

"No, she's nice. That's not the point though," Jane said.

"Then what is it?" he asked.

"I've already told you," Jane said irritably. "I don't need to see her anymore. There's no reason for me to go. I'm fine. Other than what happened yesterday, I'm in complete control of my emotions."

"Oh, I see," Sirius said sarcastically. "So, that's why you slapped me."

"I slapped you because you're a complete arse," Jane said.

"You've been calling me that for years, and you've never slapped me before," he pointed out.

"Yeah, well, everyone has their breaking point," Jane said. "Just because you piss me off, doesn't mean I need to see a counsellor."

"And what about yesterday?"

"I've already told you!" Jane said, angry that no one seemed to be understanding. "Yesterday was a slip up! I've been fine for weeks. What don't you get about that?"

"So?" Sirius said. "The point is that it still happened. It obviously means you have some kind of feelings that you haven't dealt with yet."

"Maybe I don't want to deal with them. Maybe I just want everything to go back to normal," Jane said.

"Nothing's going to go back to normal until you deal with them."

"I'm sorry?" Jane said, giving him a strange look. "When did you become a therapist?"

"I'm your friend, Janie. And as hard as it is to believe, I am worried about you," Sirius said.

"You see, I don't want you to be worried about me; it's not normal. I don't want my friends worried about me. I don't want people looking at me and expecting me to have meltdowns. And I don't want to go to counselling just to have her tell me that I'm angry and hurt and upset. I know I'm angry and hurt and upset; I don't need her reminding me of it when I'm having a good week. I don't need her reminding me of things that I'd rather forget.

"I just want to go to classes and hang out with my friends like a normal person, without all this extra stuff tacked onto it just because my mum killed herself. I need Hogwarts to be the same that it was last year. I want my friends and teachers to treat me like they always have. I want to have fun like I did with Sammy and Sarah this summer, and I just want to forget. I need some kind of normalcy."

"So, you think if you ignore the problem then it'll go away?" Sirius said.

"I don't have a problem, and I don't need help," Jane said.

"No offense, and this might be a low blow, but isn't that the same stuff that your mum said?"

Sirius stood up and walked back over to his regular seat beside James, leaving a stunned Jane to mull over what he had just pointed out to her.