CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN

A fourth year named Holly Jacobs took Jane's place during the match on Saturday. Jane just sat up in her dorm with the window open, listening for the echoes of the Quidditch commentary. Gryffindor ended up winning the match by a margin of two hundred and thirty points, resulting in a victory party.

Jane stayed in her dorm when she heard the crowds of students entering the common room. The news of (what the Slytherins were calling) Jane's psychotic attack on Avery had spread all over the school. The fact that Avery had provoked Jane had been conveniently omitted in most retellings of the story, leading some to believe that Jane had attacked him for no reason, painting Jane as a complete madwoman that might jump on someone at any second. This wasn't helped by the fact that some students that had been passing by had witnessed her meltdown afterwards.

Jane had never been more embarrassed in her life. Especially after James and Sirius had insisted that she go talk to Hellen after they had calmed her down a bit. She remembered how they had walked her to Hellen's office, or more so dragged her, further adding to the complete shame she felt for having the breakdown in the first place. Jane remembered how she had despised them for it at the time, but in the end, it had actually helped her:

James opened the door to Hellen's office, and Sirius promptly shoved Jane inside, slamming the door behind her.

"We'll be right outside," James called through the door, and Jane only scowled.

Why were they making her do this? She had just opened up to them; why did she need to open up to Hellen too? One breakdown had been enough for her; she did not want any more.

Hellen looked up from the open folders on her desk and raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Well, hello, Jane. What's going on?"

"Well, I'm starting to realise that I need better friends," Jane said loudly enough so that James and Sirius could hear her through the door, her voice still constricted from all of the crying and screaming she'd done earlier.

"We. Are. Helping. You!" she heard Sirius yell back.

Jane shook her head, finally turning away from the door. Hellen noticed Jane's puffy, red eyes.

"Would you like to sit down?" Hellen asked, motioning towards the chair.

Jane collapsed into the chair with a sigh. She was exhausted; from Quidditch practice, from the fight, from the meltdown, from everything, essentially.

"Have you been crying?" Hellen asked, already knowing the answer.

Jane didn't even look at Hellen. Of course she had been crying! What kind of shitty starter question was that?

"Would you like to talk about it?" Hellen pressed.

"No," Jane stated bluntly.

"Then, what did you come here to talk about?"

"I didn't just waltz in here myself. My friends made me come," Jane said.

Hellen sighed, taking off her reading glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose. Jane had been one of the most difficult students she had dealt with. She couldn't seem to get her to open up, not about anything important anyway.

Jane glanced at Hellen, and then, she looked away again. She started to pick at a string hanging off of the practice robes she was still wearing. She wanted nothing more than to get up and walk straight out the door of the office, but James and Sirius, Jane knew, wouldn't let her do that.

Suddenly, another wave of emotions hit her, kind of like the aftershock of her earlier meltdown. Her lip quivered as she tried to hold back tears.

"How do I make it stop?"

Hellen looked up at Jane with a surprised look on her face. Jane was now staring at the ceiling, trying to will her tears to stay within the confines of her eyes.

"How do I stop feeling this way?" Jane asked, begging for answers. "How do I get over it?"

Despite her best efforts not to, Jane started to cry again.

"Jane, none of us really ever get over losing someone we love," Hellen said, and this made Jane cry harder. "But you can learn to deal with it, and you can move on from it.

"It'll always be a part of you," Hellen continued, "but you can learn to live with it."

"Your boyfriends are looking for you."

Jane shook her head, pushing the memory to the back of her mind. She saw Marlene leaning against her four-poster with her face painted red and gold in support of Gryffindor. Jane smiled at her.

"I don't feel up to a party right now," Jane said.

"But you're part of the team!" Marlene said.

"I didn't play," Jane said. "I'll let Holly have her moment of glory. No need to steal attention from her by walking down there and everyone paying attention to the psycho instead."

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"No Gryffindor in their right mind thinks you attacked Avery for no reason," she said.

"No one in Gryffindor," Jane said. "Am I right to assume that not all the students in our common room right now are Gryffindors?"

"There might be a few Ravenclaws," Marlene said.

"And?"

"And maybe more than a few Hufflepuffs, but come on, Jane. You should at least go and congratulate your own team on winning," Marlene said.

Jane frowned. If she stayed up in her room, it might look as though she weren't happy for the team's win. Then, not only would she be a psychopath, she'd be a selfish psychopath.

Marlene smiled, knowing that she had guilted Jane into going downstairs. Jane got up and walked to the door.

"I hate you," Jane said.

Marlene just smiled even bigger.

"I know," she chirped happily, and Jane chuckled at her.

Jane walked downstairs in the midst of the party. A few people looked at her, but overall, it wasn't as bad as she'd thought it'd be. She always made things worse in her mind than they really ended up being.

Jane looked around and spotted a mess of sandy hair. She walked up to Will, smiling as he retold a dramatic tale of a particularly spectacular shot he'd blocked to a bunch of Hufflepuff girls. One of the girls looked at Jane, and Will, disappointed that something had distracted her from his intriguing story, followed her gaze.

"Jane!" he exclaimed, clapping an arm over her shoulders happily. "Finally decided to join us?"

Jane laughed a little.

"I just wanted to congratulate my captain on the victory," she said.

Will seemed to stand up a bit taller and smiled at the title "captain." He had been very proud that he had been picked to be the captain after Candice graduated.

"Yes, it was a great game," he said to her. "Everyone did great, but listen, don't go getting any more game suspensions."

Jane laughed a bit when Will gave her this fake serious look.

"Don't worry, Will. That's not going to happen again."

"Good. I mean, Jacobs is a fair Chaser and all, but well, she's second string for a reason," Will said, patting Jane on the back. "Now, might I interest you in a drink?"

By now, the Hufflepuff girls were whispering amongst themselves. Jane cut her eyes at them, almost certain that they were talking about her fight with Avery.

"I'd like that," Jane answered, walking away from the Hufflepuff girls with Will.

"Don't pay them too much attention," Will said as he poured them both cups of Firewhiskey. "Hufflepuffs love their gossip."

"Seems they're not the only ones," Jane said, noticing a couple of Ravenclaws, who kept glancing at her and whispering things.

Will followed her stare and frowned a bit. He handed Jane her cup of Firewhiskey.

"The only reason they're talking about you is because their lives are pathetically boring," Will told her.

"Really? I thought it was because they think I'm mental," Jane said satirically, sipping on her drink.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you're pretty normal," Will said.

Jane chuckled a little.

"No, you don't."

"Considering everything that's happened, yes, I do think you're pretty normal," Will told her.

Jane gave him a small smile, and continued to sip on her drink.

"So," Will started, "there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up, and I was w—"

"Janie!"

Sirius was waving her over to where he and the other three boys were sitting. Jane smiled at him.

"Well, it seems as though I've been summoned," she said to Will. "What were you saying?"

Will just shook it off.

"Nothing," he said.

Jane shrugged.

"See you at practice," she said, walking away to join her friends.

"Took you long enough," Sirius said as she sat in between him and Remus on the couch; she would have sat in an armchair, but James was in one, and in the other there was a couple that were attached at the face.

"So, I hear the game was good. You guys didn't fall to pieces without me," Jane said.

"No, but we Chasers can hardly call ourselves the J-Team if you're being substituted with Holly," James said.

"Her last name is Jacobs," Jane pointed out. "Last I checked, that started with a J."

"That's not the same," James complained. "Besides, you're much better than her."

"I heard she did good," Jane said.

"And looked good while doing it," Sirius said, smirking.

"You leave Holly alone," Jane warned. "She's a nice girl."

"The nice ones are always the fun ones though," Sirius said.

Jane scowled, and as Sirius went to take a drink of his Firewhiskey, Jane hit the bottom of his cup with her elbow, causing him to spill the drink down the front of his Quidditch robes.

Jane leaned back into the couch happily, and Remus held back a laugh as Sirius swore under his breath.

"So, Jane, what's this I hear about you staying at school for Christmas?" James asked.

Jane frowned. She wasn't planning on telling James until, well, until he had to go to the station to go home.

"And who told you that?" Jane asked, eyeing Remus.

"Remus," James said, confirming her suspicions.

Jane scowled at Remus, and he just shrugged.

"I don't think it's a good idea," was his excuse.

"Why don't you come to my house?" James suggested.

"Because I'm not going to spend my first holiday without my mum with someone else's family."

"Well, then, we'll stay here with you," James said.

"No."

"Why?"

Jane sighed.

"I hate you, Remus," she said before taking another sip of her drink.

"I just don't think you should be here all alone for the holidays," Remus told her.

"Well, maybe I want to be alone," she said. "And I don't want my friends staying with me when they have families that they should be with."

"Well, then why aren't you staying with your dad?" Peter asked.

"Because hanging out with my dad is like being with a brick wall because he doesn't acknowledge my existence," Jane said, swirling her drink around.

James frowned.

"You never told us that."

"Yeah, and I was planning on not having to," Jane said, cutting her eyes to Remus.

"You shouldn't spend your Christmas alone," Remus said.

"You mean, I should have someone to look after me," Jane said.

"No, nobody should spend their Christmas alone," James argued.

Jane rolled her eyes.

"I'm staying. And if one of you tries to stay with me; I won't come out of my room for the duration of the holiday. You should be with your families."

Jane downed the rest of her Firewhiskey, and then looked at the couple in the armchair. She choked on the drink when she finally registered who it was.

"Alice?"

Alice detached her face from Frank, and looked at Jane.

"When'd that happen?" Jane asked in astonishment.

"Right after the Quidditch match," Remus said. "Not exactly sure how it started, but it obviously hasn't stopped."

Jane chuckled.

"Way to go, Alice. It took you three years, but you finally got him," Jane teased.

Alice smirked.

"And I don't plan on letting him go either."

Jane smiled, and started a conversation with Alice, happy to have a reason to stop talking about her holiday plans.