Huge thanks to the lovely Jasmett for beta-ing

Severus stood in front of the third-year boys wishing he was somewhere else. Anywhere fucking else. Remus stood beside him looking vastly more comfortable than he felt. Not for the first time he cursed being one of the only males on staff.

"There will be no…hilarity during this class," he warned, stalking back and forward in front of them. "I cannot imagine much of what I am about to tell you is news, however, the Governors believe that it is best for you to be informed by someone other than your peers. Yes, Mr Goyle?"

"Is it true a witch can give birth to twins if she shags two men?"

"For fuck sake," he muttered, ignoring Remus' poorly disguised laugh. He was not surviving this. There was no amount of whiskey that would make this ok. Next year, Albus was fucking doing this. Or Hagrid. One of them that wasn't fucking him. "No Mr Goyle, it is not. Perhaps we should start with basic anatomy." he sighed, waving his wand as a diagram of the male body appeared. "Are we all familiar with the parts?"

There was a murmur of agreement, thank fuck. He waved his wand again, and a female body appeared. "And this one?" The nods were more reluctant. Fucking wonderful. Although perhaps he should just be grateful that as third years they seemed to have not yet acquired the knowledge through practical means. Long may it fucking continue.

"Why do they have so many bits?" Crabbe wondered aloud, his face scrunched in confusion as he stared at the diagram.

"Because they are a biological necessity," Severus replied dryly.

"It's a bit disgusting if you ask me, sticking your willy where they pee from."

"Mr Finnegan." Severus sighed, "If you attempt to put your penis into a woman's urethra I'm afraid not only will you be disappointed, she is going to be as well." He paused, "Although perhaps she'll be disappointed regardless."

"What, Sir?" Finegan queried, gamely ignoring the snickers.

"I do not get paid enough for this," he muttered. "Women have three openings. The Anus, the vagina…where, as you so eloquently put it, you would 'stick your willy' during vaginal intercourse and the urethra…where they urinate from. The thing above that is the clitoris. For the love of Merlin if you remember nothing else remember that. If your partner has one, they'll thank you."

Seamus Finegan and a concerning number of others looked perplexed. "So…why can't you have sex when a birds on their monthlies then….Sir."

Severus shot Remus a look. For fucks sake surely it was his fucking turn. The arse was only here for one year, he had to endure this annually.

"You can if she wants it too," Remus replied, taking the hint. "However menstrual blood does come from the vagina, so remember to brush up on your cleaning charms."

"Or abstain." Severus cut in. "I recommend abstinence. For all of you." his eyes settled on Theo who paled. "None of you are cut out for parenthood, utilise your hand until you are."

Many of them grimaced. Good. If he was fucking uncomfortable, then so should they be.

"But… there are contraceptive charms." Terry Boot called from the back.

"Indeed, and in the heat of the moment, Mr Boot do you believe that you are always thinking straight? Do you think accidents do not happen? And of course, that is before we consider sexually transmitted infections. The charm does not protect against those."

"Like green knob?" Crabbe inquired.

"Yes, Mr Crabbe." Severus sighed, "Exactly like that."

"Is it true it can make it fall off?"

"That particular infection? No. It just makes it ooze pus, swell and become unbearably painful." he enjoyed their wince. "Crotch rot, on the other hand, can absolutely make it fall off."

"Can it be reattached?"

"No, Mr Crabbe it cannot."

"Oh. And can you catch it from your hand?" The boy looked concerned, glancing at his hands as if they were now dangerous.

Severus closed his eyes praying for patience "No. Mr Crabble."

"That's good then." he voiced looking more at ease. For fucks sake. What the fuck was he doing with his life?

"We appear to have got sidetracked," Remus announced "We are supposed to discuss the mechanics of sex, are we all aware of how heterosexual sex works?"

"Hetero what?" one of the Hufflepuff's asked.

"Sex between a man and a woman, Mr Boyle.

"Oh. Surely you just stick it in her girly bits?"

Remus snorted. "That's one way. Vaginal sex is penis-in-vagina sex. There are many different positions and communication is key. Oral sex is when one's mouth is used on another's genitals."

"Ew…who wants to put their mouth on a minge?" Finegan exclaimed, making the class snigger.

"Someone who wishes it reciprocated, Mr Finegan," Severus interjected wryly as the entire class immediately went silent, blanching at the implication. "Oral sex on a woman can be a wonderful thing." he continued, enjoying their discomfort, "Those who are too selfish to properly pleasure a lady, do not deserve such attentions themselves."

"I think I might vomit." he heard Weasley murmur. "Surely no one's given Snape a blow job."

"He's seeing Amelia Bones." Harry shot back before his words caught up with him and he looked ill. "And I never, ever want to think about that ever again."

"What about up the bum?" Goyle asked.

"Yours, Mr Goyle?" he asked flippantly, praying Minvera never heard of this particular class. "I suggest plenty of lubricant and a proper stretching and preparation charm"

Goyle looked horrified. "Not…not mine! I'm not…into that"

"It's perfectly normal Mr Goyle. Regardless of sexuality, many men, and women, enjoy anal penetration." Remus cut in, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "The key is to ensure that you or your partner are properly prepared, if you rush in you could hurt them or yourself."

"No straight man likes it up the bum!" one of the Ravenclaws called.

"It's called pegging Mr Jones." Remus shot back cheerily. "Many men do."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, Minerva was going to murder them, there was no way she wasn't hearing mutterings of this. He didn't remember last year's batch being this….interested. In fact, if he remembered correctly they all wanted out as quickly as possible. He vastly preferred that to whatever the fuck this new version of torture was. "Back to the point," he growled, his heart sinking as Vincent Crabbe opened his mouth again.

"Sir…is it true that it's all baggy after a baby?"

Severus choked. "I…no! Merlin grant me patience."

"What do you do with two dicks?" One of the Hufflepuff's wondered aloud.

"If they're both yours, worry." he shot back.

The class laughed but the Hufflepuff ploughed gamely on. "No, I mean…like two men. What do you do with them?"

"Personally I'd have them rearrange my store room and perhaps clean some cauldrons." he drawled.

The Hufflepuff frowned, "With their dicks?"

"For fucks sake," Severus muttered. "It's your turn!" Remus looked confused before he seemed to centre himself.

"Are you asking what your sex life would look like if you were involved with another man Mr Collins?"

"I…well not me, Sir. I just…I just don't understand what you'd do with another one."

Remus seemed to bite back his amusement. "While I have no experience, I imagine roughly what you'd do with your own. And of course, oral sex is an option as is anal."

"But like if someone's shoving their dick up someone's bum….what do you do with the other one?" He sounded so genuinely confused that Severus was torn between abject horror at the direction the conversation had taken and actual amusement.

"Well anal sex is meant to be pleasurable for the person who is being…ah penetrated, and of course, you and your partner have hands….." Remus attempted gamely, now beginning to look like he wished he'd refused to help with this.

"What about boobs?"

"What about them?" Severus sighed.

"Well…what are you meant to do with them?"

"For Salazar's sake, this is not a how-to lecture! Speak to your partner, and find out what they like. Not everyone is the same."

"Oh. Is it true that if she swallows the baby can grow in the wrong place?"

"What? No!" Sweet fucking Merlin. Perhaps the Governors were right, where the fuck had this lot gotten their information from? Why were they now just shouting questions at him? He didn't like it.

"Oh that's good then." one of the Hufflepuff boys looked quite pleased with the news.

Severus made an involuntary noise of distress. "Sexually transmitted diseases!" he barked and proceeded to lecture them all on worst-case scenarios, including a very graphic rendition of a vaginal birth until they were green.

"Mr Nott, remain behind." Theo blanched as Remus snorted in amusement.

"Yes, Sir."

"I just wanted to make sure there were no….misunderstandings after today's…lecture."

"Ah no, Sir."

"No? That's good. I would hate to have to explain to your father that he was Heir-less because you couldn't keep it in your pants. Do remember that abstinence is really the only way I won't be forced to murder you while you're still….whatever exactly it is you are to my daughter."

Theo blanched before he seemed to steel his spine. At that moment Severus knew he was going to do something monumentally stupid. "What happens when that directly contradicts what Hermione wants?"

"Then you convince her that you are not ready, you convince her to wait until marriage. At fifty. I do not care. But if you put your hands or any other part of your body on my daughter, I will be forced to remove it!" he growled.

Theos eyes widened. "Right. May I go now?"

"Get out of my sight." Severus hissed.

"You know you can't actually murder him, don't you?" Remus asked once Theo was gone.

"Why the fuck not!"

"Because Hermione will murder you?" Harry piped up from the door.

"Why are you here?" Severus groaned.

"Oh, you mean other than to watch that horribly uncomfortable conversation having just sat through the most horrifying lecture of my life?" Harry asked with a grin.

"Yes!"

"I..ah…can I talk to you?"

Severus frowned, "Yes. Now?"

Harry fidgeted. "Yes. Before I lose my nerve." Fuck. what the fuck was happening? Nothing fucking good. Had today not been fucking awful enough?

"Give me five minutes to put the classroom back to rights," he asked, raising his wand. "Come along then," he commanded once he was done. Attempting not to panic, Severus led Harry down to his rooms. Where his daughter was waiting. Looking furious. Fuck.

"As delightful as your rant is likely to be, your brother wished to speak with me. Perhaps we can postpone it until later," he interjected before she could speak.

"No..no actually it's fine. I…Hermione can stay. I might enjoy the rant after I've said this." Harry placated. "I…can I get this out first?"

Hermione's face softened to look at him with concern as she pulled him down onto the sofa. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad," she murmured as Thanatos strolled into the room and promptly shoved his head onto Harry's lap begging for an ear rub.

"I…I'm gay."

Hermione snorted before she covered her mouth in horror. "Sorry! I…I mean. It was sort of obvious."

"What? Really?"

"Yes. Or at least your interest in boys was. I confess as to not being sure if you had narrowed it down completely." Severus cut in.

"Oh. So…I… it's alright?"

"Why on earth would it not be alright?" Hermione asked, perplexed. "Haven't we had this conversation?"

"I…I mean. It's… it's not normal is it?"

"It is perfectly normal. You'll find the muggle world is more prejudiced than this one, however even there things are changing." Severus contradicted.

"So…no one will care?"

"I imagine some people will care, but they're arseholes so I wouldn't let it bother you. No one that matters will care."

"Oh. I…that's…that's good then."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Were you really that scared to tell us?"

"Yes." Harry squeaked. "Not…not because I thought…I mean… it's just…" he took a deep breath. "Uncle Vernon was quite vocal about his feelings for ah…homosexuals."

Hermione's eyes hardened. "I sincerely hope you were not putting me in the same category as your Uncle Vernon."

"Well, it seems silly now!" Harry pleaded.

"I asked Saul to speak with you," Severus interjected unexpectedly.

"What? Why?"

"Because I thought you might need the perspective of someone with actual experience?"

"Oh. Saul's gay?"

He heard Hermione groan. "Yes. I…truly thought it was obvious."

"I…maybe it should have been, he does have a bit of a worrying fascination with Richards's bum," Harry admitted sheepishly.

"Indeed. Anyway, he informed me he was happy to speak with you should you need him to. You can owl or…we can arrange a face-to-face meeting."

"I…thanks," Harry muttered. "Can you rant now? I feel like I don't need the attention on me."

Hermione snorted before she narrowed her eyes and faced Severus. "What in the name of Merlin were you thinking!" she growled. Harry grinned.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean?" Fuck her wand was in her hand. Could he give his daughter detention for hexing a teacher? Was he brave enough? Fuck no. He was not. He'd have to explain why she had hexed him in the first place and Minerva would not like it.

"No?" she asked disbelievingly. "So you did not tell Theo that if I wished to progress our relationship on a….more physical level that he was to put me off? Make me think he wanted to wait for marriage? Or you would hurt him?"

"Well, I…perhaps that was a bit…."

"A bit what?" Fuck she sounded remarkably like him at his most deadly. He would be proud if she wasn't directing it at him.

"I...I was merely looking out for you, my girl. Teenage boys are…not known for their restraint."

"Father." She snarled. "If I want to have sex with Theo in every god damned alcove in this castle it is my decision. Not. Yours!"

Severus paled. "Absolutely fucking not!"

"Why not?" Fuck she was close now. If nothing else at least it would be difficult for her to get her wand up properly to hex him. Which was a blessing. The only blessing truthfully, given that there was no mistaking how angry she was. Was her hair sparking? Fuck he hoped not. How the fuck had Theodore bloody Nott managed to speak to her so fucking quickly? Was the boy trying to get him murdered?

"Because you are too young!"

"I wasn't meaning right now, you overbearing….arse! When I choose. When whoever the hell I am with and I decide it's the right time! Not you! You don't get a vote!"

"I am your father, of course, I do!"

"No!" she howled. "No, you do not! This is ridiculous. We have talked about this! I am allowed to make my own damn decisions about my own body. Keep out of it!"

"I forbid you to sleep with someone before marriage!"

"You forbid me?" she barked. The look on her face was quite frightening really, he realised belatedly. He watched warily as she took a deep breath in, seeming to recentre herself although she still looked murderous. "I refuse to discuss this with you. My sex life is none of your business Father and if you ever threaten Theo like that again I'll write to Grandmother and Aunt Cissa."

"You would not!"

"I would!" she howled, her control slipping quickly. "I've spoken to you already recently about overstepping boundaries, Father!"

"Over…overstepping boundaries! It is quite literally my job to look out for you!"

"Not by threatening people!"

"Why the fuck not!"

That was when she screamed in frustration, having apparently lost the ability to articulate anything. Even the dog looked alarmed.

"Bad time?" Amelia's voice piped up from in front of the floo. Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"Tell him that he cannot go around threatening people!" she demanded.

"I…Ok. Who exactly is he threatening?"

"Theo! We had a…disagreement that we worked out. Father threatened to annihilate him if he made me cry again. And today…today he told him that if he touched me he'd be forced to remove the offending body part! Surely it's my goddamn decision if I want to have sex!"

"It is not! You are too young!" Severus growled, aware that he really wasn't helping but not quite able to stop himself.

"And I said I wasn't considering it right now!" she screamed back. Dimly, he was aware this was getting out of control. Really out of control. Which never ended well. "Do not speak to me like that, Hermione!" he hissed. Almost wincing as he heard himself speak. What the fuck was he doing?

"Or what!" she demanded.

"Twenty points for disrespecting a teacher and detention with Filch for a week." he barked, entirely against his will.

She paled, looking at him in horror before she turned and stormed from the room, the door rattling in its frame.

"Well, that went well," Amelia muttered. "Could you perhaps check that your sister has not set fire to the castle in her rage?" Harry nodded mutely, tearing his eyes away from watching him in horror before disappearing through the door. It had barely closed behind him when Amelia turned on him. "What the actual fuck are you doing?"

"I don't know." he groaned, sinking down onto the sofa.

"Severus. For fucks sake. Are you trying to ruin your relationship with your daughter?"

"No!" he howled. "

"Then I'll ask again. What the actual fuck are you doing?"

"He made her cry!"

"And I imagine he probably will again. In the same way she'll make him want to tear his own hair out. It is not your job to threaten unless he is actually hurting her and it doesn't seem like he was."

"Not my job!"

"No. Not your job. If he lays a hand on her, if he humiliates her, if he touches another witch while they are…whatever it is they are. Crack on. Until that point though, their relationship is just that. Theirs. You need to back the fuck off or she is going to massively fucking rebel and at that point, you have three options." He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he did not want to know what those options were. "She will either hex you, refuse to have anything to do with you or you will find her very deliberately moving their relationship forward into one of those damned alcoves."

"I..fuck. She wouldn't."

"Which one?"

Severus froze. His knee jerk reaction was to complain about the possibility of finding Hermione in an alcove but actually…the thought of her not wanting anything to do with him made him want to vomit. "She…she won't refuse to have me in her life." he paused, looking at her beseechingly, "Will she?"

"Honestly, if you don't stop this ridiculousness with Theo sodding Nott, she might. Is he honestly worth losing your daughter over?"

"No! Of course he fucking isn't."

"Then let her grow up a bit and set her own boundaries." Amelia sighed, deliberately gentling her tone. "You have a unique opportunity here. We all know you want her to stay little and yours, mainly because you missed out on so fucking much. I get it, I do. But she isn't little and forcing your wishes for her to remain so on her isn't going to get you those years back. It's going to destroy the ones you have now. I know you don't believe it, but you are lucky. How many parents do you think would give their wand arm for the ability to see their children daily, to be able to monitor their lives, their partners, to be there immediately when they needed someone to talk to?"

"I…fuck."

"Indeed. You're destroying that because you're still angry about decisions Ella made. Decisions that are not Hermione's fault. You are entitled to be angry, Severus. No one blames you for it, but you're directing that at the wrong person and it needs to stop. If you don't loosen the reins a little, she's going to sever them completely and we all know that that is not what you want."

"What the fuck do I do?"

"Apologise? Retract the detention, spend some time with your daughter and perhaps Theo. Stop looking at him like the enemy and perhaps think of him as an ally."

"Pardon?"

"If something went wrong and Hermione wasn't able to come to you, or just didn't for whatever reason, don't you want someone else onside?"

He paused, having not considered that. "Perhaps."

"Then maybe instead of threatening him, you spend some time getting to know him? He's not going anywhere for just now and if it turns out he's not going anywhere full stop, you want him not to hate you. You could be stuck with that boy for the rest of your life, no one wants that drama if you're determined to maim him at the first opportunity that presents itself, so they'll avoid you as often as possible."

"Fine." he sighed, not wanting to contemplate that, before he frowned, "Were you here for a purpose?"

"It can wait. Go and find Hermione. Be prepared to grovel."

Grumbling, Severus stood, calling for Roly. "Can you locate my daughter please?" The elf nodded, disappearing only to return ten minutes later.

"Shes bes being in the Come and go room. Roly suggests a shield."

Severus winced."Thank you, Roly."

"Go," Amelia commanded, looking amused.

He was surprised when the Room of Requirement let him in. Cautiously, he shut the door behind him, taking in the mess. Practice dummies were lined up in front of him, several of them in pieces as Hermione hurled blasting and severing curses at them. That explained the elf's order for a shield then. Fuck she was vicious. And clearly beyond angry. Perhaps it was better to wait until she had stopped cursing? Probably. He liked his body parts actually attached to his body and with the mood his daughter was in, that was definitely not guaranteed. Casing a silencing charm he sat down to watch. It was immediately apparent that she was brutal when using anger to fuel her spells, which was both oddly comforting and terrifying. It was also apparent that she had been practising as Moody decreed. She was quicker than she had been even while duelling Longbottom, setting the dummies up to fire spells back at her when she'd had enough of destroying them. It was fascinating to watch, despite him having to force himself to sit still when a slicing hex landed on her arm. He was more than a little pleased when it seemed to focus her further. An hour later she collapsed onto the floor, panting slightly.

"Well done," he spoke into the silence as she forced herself upright and turned to face him.

"Why are you here?" Fuck he never wanted to hear her speak to him in that tone again.

"To apologise," he replied softly, approaching cautiously.

She sneered at him. "Don't bother. We both know it won't change anything."

He winced. "It was pointed out to me that I seem to be punishing you for your mother's decisions." She froze at that, her eyes narrowing. He took it as confirmation he could continue. "I'm sure I have already mentioned it but I have no real frame of reference for how to be a parent. Mine were awful. I…I am not always going to get it right. Today, I got it spectacularly wrong. I truly am sorry my girl." She remained silent watching him, which wasn't good. He had no fucking idea where to go from here. Deciding to take Amelia's advice, regardless of how much he hated it, he continued uncertainly, "I…I wondered how you would feel about bringing Theo with you when you visit me. Not all the time. Just…occasionally. I do not know him well and perhaps I should rectify that."

"Why exactly would I bring him to you to be threatened, Father?"

"I promise to…behave."

"For how long?"

"Until he truly hurts you." he replied "I will…refrain unless I truly have no other choice."

"And I'm supposed to trust your judgement on when that is?"

He flinched, more at her tone than her words. She had a point with those. "I am willing to…be guided by others."

"Who?"

"Amelia? You? I…damn it Hermione, I don't know. Whoever the fuck I have to agree to get you to stop speaking to me like that!"

She slumped at that. "When are you going to trust me, Father?"

He froze. What? What the fuck was she going on about? Of course, he fucking trusted her! How the fuck could she think he didn't!

"I do trust you!"

"You don't. If you trusted me at all you'd trust my judgement when it came to Theo."

Oh, fucking fuck! He wasn't getting out of this one, was he? "I…I do trust you. I do." he held up a hand when she began to speak. "I…do you have any idea what it feels like, as a parent, to watch your child cry? How much that fucking hurts? It's…illogical but it's there. And…I imagine in some ways your parents have had time to…adjust to that feeling and therefore temper their reactions. I have not. Add in that you're fourteen already and…Theo appears to be staying for just now and God's Hermione, the thought of him putting his hands on you makes me want to vomit. Not because I don't trust your judgement but partly because no parents wants to think that their child is having sex and partly because it means that you truly are not a child anymore. You know that I am….struggling with the idea of you growing up and getting married and having children of your own when I've barely had you five minutes. Today's lecture just…brought that back to the forefront. I had thought I had been dealing with it better, apparently, I was wrong."

She sighed, her face still guarded and he fucking hated it. Silently he resolved to speak to the bloody Mind Healer. Anything if it meant he never had to do this ever again.

"Please, Hermione. I am sorry."

"I know," she admitted. "But..Father we can't keep doing this. I honestly thought that you'd listened when I spoke to you the last time. For you…to not have, to be here again. I…" she shrugged, continuing in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "I don't know if sorry and a promise never to do it again is enough."

Severus felt like someone had gutted him. Had he finally pushed too far? Was that severing of the reins happening now, rather than in some distant future if he didn't change like Amelia had suggested? All of a sudden he couldn't breathe. Vaguely he registered the look of complete fear on Hermione's face as he began to gasp.

"Father!" her voice was high and panicked. "Oh. Oh, gods. ROLY!" The elf looked around warily as if expecting curses to still be flying. "Can you bring me Amelia Bones?" Hermione sobbed, kneeling next to him looking completely lost, not even hearing the elf disappear.

"Hermione?"

"I don't know what to do!" Hermione wailed, gesturing towards Severus the moment she heard Amelia's voice.

"Fuck. It's alright lovely, it's just a panic attack." Amelia knelt down beside Hermione at his side, "Severus I need you to breathe with me. Look at me! In, two, three, four. Out, two three four, match your breathing to mine."

He felt the loosening in his chest several breaths later, at the sight of him breathing normally again, Hermione launched herself at him, sobbing, chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Breathe, my girl," he murmured, still feeling overwhelmed even as he gripped her tightly to him. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I…I did that. And I..."

"You did not." he growled, "I did that. Not you."

She shook her head, clinging to him as he shifted her so he could breathe properly, stroking his free hand over her hair repetitively, even as it shook. Amelia raised her eyebrow. "I thought I sent you to apologise?"

"I did!" he responded indignantly. "Perhaps not well…."

Amelia snorted, "Clearly, where exactly are we by the way?"

"The Room of Requirement. Apparently, Hermione required things to blow up." He felt Hermione begin to calm as she relaxed further into him. Desperate for her not to move in case after all this she still decided to cut him out, he kept petting her hair, his other arm tightly wound around her back.

"Oh. How does it work?"

"I don't actually know."

"You walk outside three times, picturing what you need." Came Hermione's muffled response.

"Fascinating. Can you change it once you're in?" Amelia murmured.

"I don't know."

Amelia frowned, and a squashy-looking sofa appeared in front of the duelling dummies. "Apparently you can…sort of." she mused. "Shall we relocate?"

Severus very desperately wanted to say no but couldn't come up with a reasonable excuse, so he relinquished his grip on Hermione as he allowed Amelia to pull him up. He was slightly ashamed to note that he still felt shaky, like the adrenaline hadn't dispersed properly. The lingering fear that his daughter would still decide not to forgive him wasn't helping matters.

"Right, both of you sit down." Amelia directed. "This needs sorting." He was painfully relieved when Hermione sat next to him instead of at the other end of the sofa, still, it wasn't yet forgiveness. "What in the name of Merlin happened?"

Neither of them spoke, until in a very small voice that he fucking hated, Hermione began to explain, "I was….angry. And so I came to work it out on some training dummies. It appears that Father was here for some of that. And…and he apologised." her voice dropped so low he had to strain to hear it despite how close she was, "And I…I said I wasn't sure it was enough and then….then…he sort of started struggling to breathe and…I…." her face crumpled and she started crying again. Unable to ignore it, Severus snagged her arm and pulled her closer, wrapping her in his arms.

"It was not your fault, Hermione. I…panicked. Thinking I had pushed you too far and you were going to walk away."

"Walk away?" she asked bewildered. "Father…I…I was angry but…how can you…?"

"You told me that you didn't think my words were enough."

"I only meant that you'd need to prove that you were serious before I believed you! I didn't…." she looked horrified and he knew he shouldn't smile but, Salazar, the relief was like nothing he had ever felt before.

"Thank the gods." he muttered, "I can't lose you, my girl. I think it might kill me."

She squeezed him tighter, "I love you. I'm still really bloody angry with you but I love you and if you ever scare me like that again I'll let Harry pick your nursing home."

He snorted, "As if any Home would take me. I love you too, my girl. More than you will ever know."

Amelia gave them ten minutes before she broke the silence. "Wonderful. Now, are we actually going to sort out what's been going on?" Severus sighed, gesturing for her to continue because quite frankly he had no idea what came next. She sighed. "Hermione, do you understand why your Father reacted the way he did?"

"Yes."

"Ok. Severus, do you understand why Hermione reacted the way she did?"

"Yes."

Amelia rolled her eyes, muttering something about monosyllabic answers. "So what's the plan going forward?"

"I…I have requested that Hermione bring Theo to visit occasionally." Severus started haltingly. "And…perhaps we need to spend time together doing something that isn't potions or Moody's insane classes?" He glanced down to see Hermione's head tilted up, watching him intently. "And…I will speak to my Mind Healer." he sighed.

She nodded looking thoughtful. "Maybe you need to write a letter to Ella. You don't have to send it but maybe writing down all the reasons you're angry with her will help."

He hummed, it wasn't a bad idea. Of course, he may actually send the damn thing. "I was just going to send her a glitter howler."

Hermione snorted, "I know and you could. Draco and I modified the glitter so it keeps appearing when we sent one to Lord Fawley."

Severus' jaw dropped, "That was you two! Your Grandmother is going to murder you, the elves are crying."

Hermione's eyes widened in horror. "We didn't mean to upset the elves!"

"Tell me you can undo it?"

"Um…we might need a week or two," she admitted.

"I'll advise her to reassure her elves it's not their fault and is instead a feature of the new howler." he sighed.

"We've gotten sidetracked." Amelia reminded them "Hermione do you have anything to add?"

"I…I'll try and be more understanding," she said softly. "I..lost my temper earlier. It…I just didn't really know what to do with it and you kept refusing to listen so…I suppose I stopped listening too."

"Oh my girl." he sighed, squeezing her. "You had every right to be angry. You're right, I was not listening." she hummed, burrowing into him in a way that made him want to sob with relief.

"Maybe we can send Ella the howler together," she mumbled.

A grin slowly spread across his face."We could do that. I wonder how else we could modify the glitter?"

"Ok, and that is my cue to leave. I'll go and have a chat with Minerva for a while I think." Amelia shook her head, standing to leave. "Don't rush, I don't expect to see you until after curfew. Does the dog need taking out?"

Severus shook his head. "I'll do it." He waited until the door had shut to speak again. "I truly am sorry, my girl. I…I knew it was wrong, I...I just couldn't stop myself. And when you…when I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. I felt like someone had ripped my insides out. You and your brother are the most important people in the world to me and I never want to know what life is like without you both. Now shall we take that bloody dog out for a walk and then see what we can do with this glitter."

Hermione squeezed him tightly for a moment before agreeing. "Promise me we won't have to do this again?" she murmured.

"I'll do my best. I'm sure that infernal witch will have something to suggest," she frowned in confusion, "The mind healer." he clarified, knowing the woman was going to be fucking insufferable.

"Ah. It's going well then."

"I don't like it." he groused

"Me either, but you insisted."

"Touche my girl. Now come along, the beast gets antsy if he's left alone too long."

"Thanatos!" Hermione laughed, throwing a ball for him, watching as he ploughed into the lake as they walked him around the grounds. "Silly puppy. Father?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to manage to not go mental this week?"

"Pardon?" he frowned.

"We're brewing contraceptives."

"Fuck." he hissed, "I'd…forgotten. It'll be fine….I'll be fine."

"Really?"

"I don't fucking like it." he muttered, "But I'll be fine."

"No threats, no glares, no snide remarks?"

"I can't promise none, my girl, it'll scare your classmates. They'll think I'm up to something…or imperiused…."

She snorted, rolling her eyes, "Fine. No threats, no glares, no side remarks directed solely at Theo."

"Fine," he sighed exaggeratedly, "although I'm going to have to find a new hobby."

"You don't have time for a hobby, Father, don't be absurd." she scoffed.

"True," he mused, "I clearly have to give something up. What about Saul?"

"You'd miss him."

"Would I really, though?"

"Yes!" she giggled.

"Fine. Saul's staying." he sighed, "What about the dog?"

"What?" she gasped, "No! You wouldn't! You like having Puppy around, admit it!"

"I will admit no such thing," he muttered as Thanatos came bounding back towards them, water flying in his wake. "He's going to smell like wet dog Hermione!" he whined.

"That's because he is wet." she grinned, "It's fine we can bath him, can't we pretty boy?" she cooed down at the dog who barked happily in response before bounding off after the ball she threw. "I swear sometimes he understands everything I say."

"Indeed. I meant to ask Hagrid about him,"

"Oh?"

"We wondered if he was one of Hagrid's….experiments."

"Ah, I see. He seems awfully…benign for being one of Hagrid's."

"Which is probably why he wasn't with Hagrid when we found him," he replied pointedly.

"Fair point." she mused. "I'm glad we found him. I've always wanted a dog."

"Of course you have." he sighed. "I don't imagine you pictured it as a beast the size of a small horse though."

She shrugged, "I was never fussy. Mum and Dad just wouldn't allow it because they worked so much, they said it was cruel."

"And now we have this beast." Severus sighed. "Wonderful."

"Come on Father, let's head back, we've a Howler to a doctor."

"Indeed we do." he grinned, turning smartly and beginning to walk quicker.

"Father! Father slow down! I'm shorter than you!" Hermione laughed, racing to keep up with him, "Puppy! Puppy, come on pretty boy!"

"What are you thinking?"

"Actually I was wondering how you knew I spoke to Mr Nott?" he asked.

"Oh. I was waiting on him and Harry. We got out earlier."

"Probably because you didn't ask insane questions," he muttered.

She quirked a brow but didn't comment, "He didn't want to tell me but I could tell there was something by the look on his face. I sort of bullied him into it. I would have shouted at you in the classroom but we'd already started walking and I figured that it was probably best not to shout at you in a room that isn't soundproofed. And I had sort of hoped I'd be less annoyed by the time I got to you...or you got to me."

"Clearly that worked well for you."

She rolled her eyes. "What were you thinking about the glitter?" she asked instead of commenting.

"I was wondering if we could make it stick to her….or relocate to her clothes." he sighed.

"Permanently?"

"Why not?" he shrugged.

"Like specific clothes?" Hermione mused.

He frowned, "Such as?"

She flushed, "I was thinking underwear and socks would be most irritating." she muttered

He snorted, "Indeed, however, she could also manage life without those so if we made it all clothes it might be more effective."

"Won't she just buy new ones?"

"If we modify it so it sticks to whatever she's wearing, it won't matter." he grinned.

"Neither it will. I can only imagine how frustrated she'll be when it's still an issue even after she's bought a whole new wardrobe" Seeing his own smirk replicated on his daughter's face gave him a small moment of pause. Was this wise? She was already rather vindictive, a trait she undoubtedly inherited from him. Should he be setting a better example? Probably he mused. He wasn't going to, clearly but perhaps it was progress that he had considered it.

"Now how best to modify it." he mused.

"Runes or…perhaps a charm." Hermione decided.

"Oh?"

"I…could we modify a summoning and a sticking charm?"

He frowned…it wasn't a bad idea. Tricky. But not bad. "Perhaps." he mused, "it would need to be attracted to materials but also…skin I suppose. Because if it was just attracted to materials then it would remain on one thing rather than appearing every time she got dressed."

"So…actually we don't want to include her clothes at all. We want it to be attracted to her."

He paused. "Yes." he agreed. "We're overthinking it clearly. We want it to be attached to her skin but no one else's, so it needs to be keyed to her."

"So we need something of hers," Hermione mused.

"Not necessarily. We have you."

"We have….." Hermione frowned. "Oh. Oh, I see. How exactly are we separating it though?"

"It's tricky but not impossible."

"Oh. Do you think it'll work?"

"I'll ensure it does." He muttered, his mind already spinning with possibilities.

"What if…what if instead of it being that complicated we adjust it to behave strangely when traditional spells are used on it?"

"Pardon?"

"Well like the one Draco and I modified, it keeps reappearing. But…what if when someone attempted to vanish it and it…I don't know, changed into something else, doubled….something."

He grinned. "It could." he agreed, "Banishing it would be next, wouldn't it? So it could do something else for that."

"And then surely you'd try a finite….." Hermione continued with a grin.

"Oh, my girl. I think we might be onto something." He mused with a smirk.