CHAPTER NINETY-SIX

The rest of the holidays went by, and Jane didn't see those strange creatures once. However, when her father had gotten back from London, she still tried to get him to talk to her. He used to ask her about school and Quidditch, but now, he just didn't seem interested. No matter how many times Jane tried to spark up a conversation with him, he always seemed to be too busy or too tired or too uninterested.

By the time that they were driving to Kings Cross, Jane had been fully discouraged from trying to get him to talk to her. He seemed content with the silence, no matter how much she hated it.

When they reached that place between platforms nine and ten, Jane just stared at the barrier. She was glad to be going back. Glad to get away from her mute of a father. Glad to be seeing the boys again. However, going back meant the stress of her O.W.L.s plus Quidditch as they prepared for the Ravenclaw match, which was going to be the biggest match of the year. Ravenclaw had flattened Slytherin and Hufflepuff; Gryffindor was going to have to beat them by at least three hundred points to win the house cup. Jane was frightened that all the stress would cause her to start seeing things again.

Jane looked up at the clock and wondered what would happen if she missed the train. She then sighed, knowing that the school would probably have a way of coming to get her. She closed her eyes and walked through the barrier. When she opened her eyes, she stared at the big scarlet train. A couple of first years ran past her, and Jane tried to remember the joy she had felt upon seeing the Hogwarts Express for the first time. How she wished she could relive her first year. Things were so much simpler back then.

James and Sirius had been waiting on Jane, standing by the train and watching the barrier. They just watched her as she stared up at the train. She looked okay. She looked very neat and normal with her hair pulled back and her white button-down shirt with her Gryffindor tie perfectly knotted. However, there was something in the way she held herself that made her seem very tired and worn.

"Do you think she's all right?" James asked in a concerned voice.

Sirius didn't answer. He just flipped his hair out of his face and rolled his eyes. He understood why James was concerned; he was concerned too, but James had spent the whole holiday worried about Jane, hardly ever thinking of anything else.

"Janie!" Sirius called, and Jane visibly snapped out of some deep thought and looked at them.

Jane forced a small, tight smile in their direction as she lugged her things to the train.

"So, your holiday was good then?" James asked, hugging her.

Jane sighed as they pulled away from each other.

"I haven't been seeing things if that's what you meant."

"I didn't—"

"Yeah, but you were thinking it," she said, stepping onto the train.

The ride back to Hogwarts was even quieter than the last train ride, and Jane felt a little guilty for it. If she had never seen those stupid creatures, then at this very moment, they'd all be talking about what a great holiday they'd had. Of course, her own holiday had left a lot to be desired, but at least the boys would be having a good time. She always ruined everything.

When they arrived at Hogsmeade Station, and Jane saw the dark creatures awaiting them at the carriages, she wanted to scream. Why was it that every time she wished for things to get better, they got worse? She wished to be normal so the other kids wouldn't pick on her when she was little, but they'd just find more things to be mean to her about. She wished in first year that Blake Hanson would like her, but it ended with complete embarrassment. Third year she wished that James would see that Ashby was a good guy, and then he had turned around and proven that he wasn't. She had wished her mum would get better, and she ended up killing herself. And now, when all she wanted was to be okay, this had to be happening.

Jane was going to have to tell Hellen; she knew she couldn't avoid it. She'd tell her when Saturday came; that'd give her some time to think up what to say and how exactly to say it.

For the next few days, Jane kept mostly to herself. She found it increasingly difficult to focus in class and on her homework, which frustrated her. Not only that, it scared her. What if she failed all of her O.W.L.s? She'd be forced to drop out. She could see her dreaded future now. Jane Hensworth: the old, senile lady that lives on the street corner and talks about imaginary creatures. She shuddered at the thought.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Jane found herself overwhelmed with so many things. Quidditch practice, exam reviews, choosing career paths, and of course, the seeming deterioration of her mental health. It was enough to drive anyone over the edge.

There were so many thoughts swimming through her head, and she couldn't make them stop. They were giving her migraines, which she had never had up until this year. This overwhelmed feeling didn't help Jane believe that she was going to get better. In fact, it made her feel even crazier. She was becoming annoyed with even the smallest things, like the way Remus twirled his wand when he was bored, or when people smiled at her. What the fuck were they so goddamn happy about anyway?

Jane needed help. She was so overwhelmed that even things like running out of ink during class made her almost lose it. So, she arrived for her session with Hellen two hours early.

Jane burst through the door, very close to tears and looking like hell. There was already another student in there, some third year from Gryffindor. Hellen and the girl both looked at Jane, startled.

"I gotta talk to you," Jane said in one exasperated breath.

"I'm in the middle of a session, Jane. You can come back and see me when you're scheduled to," Hellen said.

"But this is urgent," Jane said.

"And I'd like to hear about it later," Hellen said, motioning towards the door.

Jane's mouth dropped open slightly. Did Hellen not understand that Jane felt like her head was going to explode at any given moment? Jane turned to look at the girl in the chair that she usually occupied during her visits with Hellen.

"I know who you are," Jane snapped. "You're the girl that gets picked on a lot, yeah? Violet, or something, innit?"

The girl nodded timidly.

"Yeah, I got picked on a lot too when I was younger, and I'm gonna tell ya something that no counsellor has the right mind to: stick up for yourself! Sock one of 'em in the face one good time, and maybe, they'll leave you alone. Now, get out of my chair, and let me talk to Hellen," Jane said, not really caring at this point that this other kid might have problems too.

"Jane!" Hellen said, standing up from her seat behind her desk.

"What?" Jane nearly screamed. "You can't expect me to wait! Not today! This kid being bullied and me going crazy are on two different levels, and mine takes precedence right now!"

"Well, we will see about that when it's time for your session, but right now, you need to leave," Hellen said.

Jane clutched her head. She could feel a headache coming on.

"I'm fucking seeing things, Hellen! Don't tell me that this kid has problems worse than that," Jane said, pointing to Violet, who seemed to be cowering away from Jane. "I've seen her with her perfect little family at the platform a few good times. They're just fantastic. I on the other hand, do not have that, and I'm seeing things that aren't there. So, do you see where I'm coming from?"

Jane put one of her hands very low to the ground.

"Her problem," she said.

Then, she put her other hand up very high.

"My problem," she finished. "Do you get it now?"

Little Violet was slowly making her way around Jane, looking as though she were a madwoman that might attack her. Violet slipped out of the door, and Hellen had a very frustrated look on her face.

"Congratulations, Jane. You have just scared off a thirteen-year-old girl. Maybe you're forgetting that I am a part of the staff, and I have the authority to hand out punishments."

"I don't care!" Jane said. "Give me a detention! Give me extra sessions! Expel me! Take every single point that Gryffindor has! Just please, help me!"

Hellen looked at Jane, and though still angry with the girl before her, her face softened upon noticing that Jane was now crying.

Jane clutched her head again as it throbbed.

"I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do!" she said, falling into the chair that Violet had vacated.

Hellen sighed, and jotted down a note telling herself to not forget about Violet, and to give Jane a detention (which she never ended up following through with).

"First, you need to calm down and tell me what's happened," Hellen said.

"Everything's going downhill," Jane sobbed. "I've started seeing things. I can't focus on my schoolwork. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. And did I mention I was seeing things?"

Hellen nodded for a second, scribbling on a piece of parchment as she listened.

"And does this, by some chance, have anything to do with the school carriages?" Hellen asked.

Jane looked at her, confused for a second. How did Hellen know that two out of the three times she had seen these creatures was when she was at the carriages? The only people she had told were the boys.

Jane frowned as she thought about it.

"James told you, didn't he?" Jane said, slightly angry. "He swore he'd never do that again. That rat bastard! I ought to—"

"Jane!" Hellen said, snapping Jane back to the conversation. "No one's told me anything."

Jane relaxed into her seat a bit.

"Tell me, do they look anything like this?" Hellen asked.

Hellen moved the parchment that she'd been scribbling on so that Jane could see it. Jane slowly leaned forward, squinting at the rough sketch of a black, horse-like creature with wings. Hellen wasn't the world's greatest artist, but Jane could get the picture.

"H-How do you know what they look like?" Jane asked, still looking at the sketch on the desk.

"Because I can see them too," Hellen answered. "Scores of Witches and Wizards can. Muggles too, but our world takes precautions against that. I was wondering when you'd be able to see them."

Jane furrowed her brow. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Jane thought for a second and suddenly remembered the first session she had had with Hellen during the school year:

"When you came up to the castle last night in the carriages, did you notice anything…different?"

Jane furrowed her brow.

"No," she said. "Was I supposed to?"

Jane looked at Hellen, baffled.

"You asked me about them. At the beginning of the school year, you asked me if I'd seen them," she said, putting two and two together.

Hellen nodded, and Jane looked at her expectantly.

"So, what are they? Why can't my friends see them?" Jane asked.

"They're called Thestrals, and I can assure you that they are very real. They can only been seen by people who have witnessed death," Hellen said. "You witnessed your mother die, and that is why you can see them and your friends cannot."

Jane just sat there, dumbfounded. They were real? She was freaking out over nothing?

"But why couldn't I see them before? Why am I only seeing them now? I mean, I should've seen them when I first came to school this year, right?" Jane asked, confused.

"Because you hadn't accepted it yet. You were too busy trying to run away from your feelings to accept the fact that you had witnessed something so terrible and traumatic," Hellen explained.

"And they've always been here? They've always pulled the carriages?" Jane asked.

Hellen nodded.

"Hogwarts has a herd of them. The gamekeeper tends to them."

Jane let Hellen's answers sink in, and suddenly, she became angry.

"And you never thought to tell me any of this?!" Jane nearly screamed, standing from her seat.

Hellen looked startled by the sudden outburst.

"You know, maybe you should prepare people for this sort of thing! So, that when they start actually seeing these things, they don't think they've gone completely insane! Is there anything else I should know about? Anymore invisible creatures that I might magically start to see?" Jane snapped.

Hellen only looked at her, still shocked.

"Thank you for doing absolutely nothing whatsoever to prepare me for this. Thank you for telling me this after I've managed to convince myself and my friends that I've gone crazy!"

Jane took long strides to the door and slammed it as hard as she could as she walked out of the office, causing people in the hallway to stare at her.

Jane walked back to the common room. Part of her was still angry. Someone should have seriously prepared her for these Thestral things. Especially when they knew she was going to start seeing them sooner or later. However, the other part of her felt very relieved, very happy. She wasn't crazy after all. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of her chest. She could almost jump for joy at the thought. She couldn't wait to tell the boys that she wasn't a looney. Maybe now she could focus less on her sanity and more on her schoolwork. Maybe she wasn't going to fail her O.W.L.s after all.

It took absolutely no time for the anger to be washed out of Jane's system. She was sane. She was normal. She was completely okay. She had never been happier in her life. And then, she kind of felt bad for yelling at Hellen the way she had. After all, Hellen had been helping her ever since her mother's death.

Jane sighed, and turned a corner, walking down a narrow corridor. She saw a few kids at the other end, and she could hear them laughing. As she got closer to them, she could see a group of Slytherins that had to be in their third or fourth year, tormenting some poor girl. Jane frowned, realising it was the same girl that only moments before she had snapped at in Hellen's office.

Jane walked up from behind the Slytherin that seemed to be the ring leader of the whole thing and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"Give me those now," Jane said, motioning to the glasses in the boy's hand that belonged to Violet.

The boy sneered at her, and her grip on him tightened. Another one of the boys raised his wand at Jane.

Jane rolled her eyes, grabbed the tip of his wand and snapped it.

"Oops," she said as the boy just stared at the broken tip of his wand. "Now," Jane said, pulling out her own wand and pointing it at the boy that she still had hold of, "give the girl back her glasses, or I'll hex you so bad that you'll end up as the next Aaron Ashby."

The boy's eyes widened. As a third year, he had been at Hogwarts when Ashby was stripped naked and tied to a goal post. However, the story was now a Hogwarts legend, and it was told to almost everyone in their first year by the older students anyhow.

The boy hastily gave Violet her glasses back, and Jane released him, smiling. The boy backed away from her and was the first to walk (very quickly) away, his friends following him. Jane turned back to Violet and helped her pick up her books.

"What are you doing with school books? It's Saturday," Jane said, piling them into the girl's hands.

Violet didn't answer, she only looked at Jane warily. Jane rolled her eyes.

"Look, kid, I'm sorry about earlier. I guess I was a bit out of line," Jane said.

"It's all right," Violet said in a timidly quiet voice.

"I never really meant to say your problems were unimportant or anything," Jane said.

"It's all right," Violet repeated. "You needed her more than I did."

Suddenly, Violet's eyes got big when she realised what she said, and Jane raised an amused eyebrow at her.

"I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean—I was only—"

"Relax, I'm not really offended," Jane said. "As it turns out, I'm not crazy at all, which, on one hand, is a big relief, but on the other, it just means I've been kind of a bitch to people for no reason these past few days."

Violet chanced a glance up at Jane as they started to walk down the corridor.

"Hey, if those guys ever bother you again, just let me know. I'll take care of them, all right?" Jane said.

"I thought you said that I should stick up for myself," Violet said.

"Yeah, well, I also thought I was seeing things, and I was wrong about that too," Jane said jokingly, earning a small laugh from the third year. "Sticking up for yourself is nice, but it helps to have someone that can help you out of those situations."

"Have you ever needed help with bullies?" Violet asked.

Jane let out a laugh.

"Please, I wouldn't have made it through first year if it hadn't been for my friends. I was a tiny little thing, couldn't hurt a fly if I tried."

Violet smiled a little.

"Besides, I kind of owe you a favour for barging in on your session like that," Jane continued.

Violet shrugged.

"It's fine with me," she said. "My parents make me see her. They think I'm too antisocial."

"And why would they think that?" Jane asked.

"Because I don't have any friends."

Jane frowned a bit. She remembered what that was like. Having no friends, being picked on relentlessly. But at least she had been able to befriend Sarah. Everyone should at least have one friend.

"Well, you can tell your parents that you've made a friend. Maybe they'll get off your case," Jane said.

"Why would you wanna be friends with me?" Violet asked suspiciously.

"Because you remind me of someone I used to know," Jane said.

Violet smiled a small smile, and she walked up to the common room with her new-found friend.