A/N: Hello hello!
So, for starters, I'm not dead or missing or anything haha. Also, Happy New Year! 2021 unlocked!
Honestly, the reason it took so long was: 1) I had to take a final exam like three days after my last update, 2) I was home on vacation and worked basically every day but Christmas until I returned back to school two nights ago, and 3) I didn't have an idea of how I wanted this chapter to go until this morning. I kinda think it's a bit of a mess, but I hope you guys enjoy it all the same!
For the person that asked: I think the story "Edythe" got taken down (*Shrug*); I haven't looked at it for a while and had no interest in continuing so I didn't really pay that much attention. Just another one of my attempts that I never followed through on. But I am determined to finish this to the end, mostly because I just am attached to the story now.
As for how long this is going to go….well, I guess I could drag it out as long as I wanted, but I can't tell you really. I do have a few more things planned, but last chapter gave me a little side trip that I'm now exploring, so I guess I could spread it out as long as you guys don't yell at me to get on with the story haha
I know those aren't satisfying answers, but it's all I've got. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter!
Chapter 30: Burying
Carine kept a close eye on Edythe as days past. By all accounts, an outsider would say she was thriving: she kept up with her school work easily, worked diligently at the veterinary hospital, latching onto Amanda and later, her wife. Amanda had invited Carine and Earnest over one evening not long after their private talk; the Cullens had accepted, given they knew Edythe spent a significant amount of time there.
The property they came to was substantial, closing in on sixty acres. The front drive was divided on either side by large pastures, complete with beautiful wooden fencing leading down into the valley where a large pond—now frozen—dwelled on one side and a large barn on the other. They parked past it, at the base of the of the stellar country mansion that sat up overlooking the front of the grounds. The house was a deep red, the wood of brown and white accents perfectly matching the accompanying barn and pasture fencing.
The moment they opened the doors and stepped out, Carine, Earnest, and Edythe—Beau was in class—were surrounded by a group of curious, sniffing dogs, ranging in size from horse to stuffed animal. Edythe couldn't help but grin at the canine welcoming committee, taking note of the eight dogs looking at her in recognition. Her parents were a little more thrown by the behavior, unsure of what to do. The only animals they were in close contact with were the woodland animals they preyed upon; the few companion animals they encountered gave them a large berth, so the sudden ambush threw them off.
Edythe was unfazed though, speaking to the dogs as if they were her own.
"Gidget, I wouldn't do that if I were you," she spoke to the little Jack Russell terrier who had one paw up on the lowest part of the car, about to jump into the space beneath the steering wheel. The little dog barked in aggravation but obeyed, choosing to run circles around Earnest's ankles.
Edythe permitted herself to be smelled by the large dogs who greeted her, running her hand through their fur. Boomer, the golden lab, and Sammy, the Dalmatian, tilted up to lick her face but she avoided it, allowing them to lick her fingers though as she made her way through the furry greeters toward the front door. Carine and Earnest followed, more bemused than on edge now, as the dogs followed them diligently.
Axel was the only one who didn't move; the Great Swiss Mountain Dog sat on his haunches almost regally on the top step, accepting a pat from Edythe as she moved past him in greeting and knocked at the front door. It only took a couple of seconds for the door to open, revealing Amanda in causal jeans and sweater.
"Hey," she greeted Edythe before ushering them inside, keeping the door open as all the dogs piled in.
"Welcome to the menagerie," she said to Carine and Earnest, who laughed as their eyes scanned the front entrance. The front half of the house was divided by a large beautiful staircase, the living room on the left and the formal dining room on the right. Such houses they had been in before, but the difference about this one was it looked lived in. Large homes usually involved families that were so obsessed with keeping the house pristine that it looked like a show room most of the time. Though the house was still tastefully decorated and clean, it was full, not just off things, but of life.
The staircase held three cats—bengal, tuxedo, and tabby—and a couple of rabbits on various steps, looking at the guests with a mix of curiosity and contempt. Two white cockatiels, a green parakeet, and one large red macaw was perched on the railing of the second floor; the parakeet immediately lifted its wings and glided down, landing deftly on Edythe's shoulder.
"Hello Yoshi," Edythe greeted the bird, lifting a finger to stroke his feathers. The bird made a low cooing sound, brandishing his emerald chest at her and clicking his orange beak in appreciation. Carine and Earnest watched in amazement as they took in the seemingly countless heartbeats around them and throughout the house. There were so many, and all beating so fast, that even they struggled to count them all, and didn't try.
"Wow," Carine said, the surprise obvious in her voice.
"Yeah, that's usually everyone's reaction," Amanda laughed. "But one of the many benefits of my job, is I get to keep my patients at my house. Not as socially accepted to do so in human med. I find it's usually restricted to your human children, and those are expensive." She made a pass at Edythe, poking her playfully in the side; the human girl curled away, but grinned.
"You know," Amanda told the hovering canines conversationally as she led the Cullens past them, "If they wanted to rob the place, they would have already done it by now." Carine and Earnest chuckled as the dogs continued to watch them intently, following them into the kitchen.
The kitchen was equally large, white cabinets complemented by a black countertop and gray herringbone stone on the floor. But the large bar cabinet against the far wall by the back door was filled with treats, leashes, and many bags of dog, cat, and rodent food. A woman stood at the farmhouse sink, placing the last of the dishes in the adjacent dishwasher; a black cat sat besides the sink, pawing at the handle on the faucet. Amanda's wife turned to greet the Cullens, one hand holding the handle down to keep the cat from turning on the water again.
"My wife, Scarlett," Amanda introduced Carine and Earnest.
Scarlett Thompson was of medium build but her arms and torso were clearly muscular underneath the workout clothes she wore—maroon sleeveless top and deep gray leggings—with her dark blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail. Her blue eyes were light and kind, though with an undercurrent of an edge that Carine couldn't completely decipher. The vampires took notice of the tattoo emblazoned on the inside of her right bicep—the words "non timebo mala" scrawled there—as she reached out to shake hands, her eyes sliding to Amanda with a mix of distaste and teasing.
"Call me Sky," she insisted.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Carine said easily.
"And you as well," Sky returned, "I've been anxious to meet you; Edythe speaks very highly of you." The adults all glanced sideways at Edythe, who flushed slightly under the scrutiny.
"She has said many things of you as well," Earnest said, taking in how Sky laughed somewhat nervously.
"I hope she doesn't come home and complain about all the things I make her do," she said.
"No, I don't," Edythe insisted, which Carine and Earnest confirmed.
"She enjoys her time here very much; sometimes I feel we have to drag her away," Carine said. Sky and Amanda laughed.
"Good to hear," Amanda said with a smile, leaning against the counter.
"Hey, who am I to complain if someone wants to help with chores?" Sky mused, then turned to Edythe. "Speaking of which, I was planning on testing the water in the two hundred gallon today, as well as doing a water change for that and the terrariums." Edythe nodded immediately.
"Did you feed them yet?" she asked, to which Sky shook her head.
"You can, if you want. I'll be down in a minute," Sky told her as Edythe moved toward the basement stairs, pausing to kiss her parents on the cheek in goodbye.
"I've got it," Edythe assured Sky before disappearing, "I'll call if I need help."
Sky shook her head, almost indulgently, before glancing at her wife.
"She's been doing that a lot," Sky murmured, to which Amanda nodded. Both women turned to look at Carine and Earnest.
"She's still hiding from you?" Carine asked, the tone in her voice sad. The women nodded.
"I'm assuming she's done the same at home?" Carine pursed her lips.
"Not exactly. That's why it's so strange; she acts completely normal, like nothing in the world is bothering her. But then, every once in a while, there is something she does or says that is just…"
"Off," Amanda finished. Carine nodded, her hand that held Earnest's squeezing just slightly.
"She's closing herself off," Amanda said, "Trying to keep everyone from seeing that she's struggling, trying to keep up an act."
"What makes you say that?" Earnest asked, concern coloring his deep tone. Amanda met his gaze.
"Because I saw it in Beau," she said. Carine and Earnest's eyebrows raised, not expecting that response. Amanda glanced at Sky once more, and Sky nodded minutely, indicating for her to explain. Amanda sighed, shifting from one foot to the other, arms crossing her middle as she spoke.
"I babysat Beau from the time he was seven; I lived a couple of streets away and Renee worked with my mother at the same school. Renee never made it quiet about how difficult life as a single parent was; not from anyone, not even her son. You've met her; she's….flighty, very much like a cloud trying to be held down. Beau was the thing that held her down. And she never was careful about what she said around him and Beau, being as observant as he is, was able to read through everything.
"She commented every once in a while how life would have been easier if she had left Beau at an orphanage; always as a joke, of course, but he didn't take it that way. Of course, Renee loves her son, but he was made to understand from an early age that he was an extra burden, no matter how much she loved him. And though she never said anything like that directly, he knew."
"People don't realize the things they say to their kids, what they will remember for years," Sky murmured quietly, her eyes far away. She wasn't completing listening to Amanda's words, having already heard them when they had discussed this privately. But Carine and Earnest were engrossed, partially to hear more about Beau's upbringing as well as how this tied into Edythe.
"Being who he is, he did everything he could to make life easier for Renee. He couldn't bear to make it harder; he couldn't bear to be a burden to his mother. Because that's all she made him feel to be. He cooked, he cleaned, he parented her rather than the other way around. He had to take on the burden on being a parent and guardian because neither of his parents were old enough when they had him.
"The unfortunate thing is that Beau would have been a lot better off if Charlie had fought for him; though both were young, Charlie was willing to give up everything for Renee and Beau. But Renee didn't. Renee chose to run away, to take Beau away from his father because she wasn't happy. She chose herself, and Charlie didn't want his son in the middle of a tug-of-war, so he let them go."
Amanda paused, seeing the looks on Carine and Earnest's face.
"I know it seems to be putting Renee in a bad light, and I am not saying she isn't a sweet person, and I know she loves Beau dearly," she defended, "But someone like Renee is someone who is not built to be a mother. I cannot justify what she does in my head, even though I understand the mechanism behind it. Even now, Renee is remarried, and she didn't have a hard time letting her only child live on the other side of the country so she could be happy. She has accepted that Beau will sacrifice for her, which is something a child should never have to do for their parent."
"Beau didn't exactly get the luck of the draw for parents, but he did the best he could with what he had. And he, being the selfless, good person he is, buried his feelings, his hopes, his dreams, buried everything so he could help his mother. He told me when he was young that all he really wanted to do was to move away and live alone, to go to college, maybe get a job 'reading books',"—Amanda laughed at the phrase—"what I imagine was a ten year old's definition of an editor was." She shook her head, the smile slipping slightly as she sighed.
"I'd never seen him happy. He was always happy for others, but he was never truly happy. He just…existed. At least, until Edythe came along." The smile was back and it was tender now.
"I had never seen Beau happy, and I never thought I would, considering his entire life had been consumed with balancing between one parent or the other. But he was like a completely different person when I saw him back in January; there was a life there I had never seen before, a happiness I wanted so badly for him to have. And it's because of Edythe, because of you."
"They make each other very happy," Earnest agreed immediately, his eyes flicking to the door Edythe had disappeared down, though hearing her heartbeat beneath him, tending quietly to the tanks.
"They are two hearts but one soul," Amanda said, nodding, "All you have to do is watch them for a shift to see how in-tune they are with each other. It's like everything is synchronized; they are on the same wavelength so often, I often wonder if they can read each other's minds."
Carine and Earnest tensed slightly at the implication, but Amanda had continued.
"But it's more than that," she mused, "Edythe is the youngest, right?"
Carine and Earnest nodded.
"It's not just Edythe, though she is a large part of it. But it is you as well."
"Us?" Carine asked.
"Not many parents would take in their daughter's boyfriend slash soulmate to live with them to avoid paying for dorming," Skye said. "You think of him as family."
"Of course," Earnest said adamantly. Amanda smiled.
"I'm glad," she said, "Lord knows he deserves it. He deserves a family as wonderful as yours. With you, he gets to have the experience every kid should have. He always wanted older siblings, never younger as he would have had to care for them as he did his mother and father. As well as two supportive, active parents, something he never really got, it means more to him than you'll probably understand."
Carine and Earnest looked between each other, unsure what to make of the statement. They had to agree that Beau fit perfectly into the family, and they had all accepted him with open arms, not just for the fact he was Edythe's mate, but for Beau himself. They failed to see that the hesitance to accept money, or even meals, or other small things, were a product of Beau being conditioned and taught that he couldn't have these things, perhaps to make him believe he didn't deserve these things. It was a sad prospect to consider; both Cullens made a note to work through it with Beau in the future.
"So, you think Edythe is doing what Beau did?" Carine asked, "Burying her feelings at our expense?"
"Yes," Amanda and Skye said together, then Amanda added, "We're just not sure of exactly why. The best I can see is she is stressing herself out so badly just trying to make everyone happy, while falling apart under the pressure, which she's putting on herself. She's working so hard to make everything quote-unquote perfect."
"She's always been hard on herself," Carine said with a sad sigh. "But this…this is really worrying me, both of us." She turned her head to look at Earnest, who nodded in agreement.
"It's worrying me as well," Amanda said, "When she was at work yesterday, I saw her hands shaking, and she was so pale. It took more than it should have to get her to take lunch, to just take a break. She's pushing herself, and I can't get her to stop, and neither can Beau."
This news made Carine even more on edge; she had tried a couple of times to bring her concerns up with Edythe, but her daughter had waved it off, assuring her mother she was absolutely fine, and she was overreacting, and promising she would come to her if there was something wrong. Despite her confidence, Carine was not appeased, the concern increasing as Edythe seemed unaware of what she was doing to herself.
"I've thought of forcing her to take time off," Amanda admitted, "But I feel that it would make things worse." Carine couldn't help but agree; Edythe was always eager to work, and she couldn't think to imagine what Edythe would do if she were banned from there, even if for her own good.
"I wish she would just let us help her," Earnest lamented quietly, his eyes squeezing shut, forlorn over the situation. He hated watching Edythe in distress, and even more so when she was so blatantly trying to push everything down.
"All we can do is be there for her, and help her when she lets us," Carine said, though there was a hint of regret in her tone. She could hear Edythe in the basement one floor below, working silently through the routine she knew so well. Her heartbeat was steady, her breaths even, but that didn't make her feel any better. Knowing Edythe, and knowing what secrets she used to hide within her mind, made Carine hyperaware of how well Edythe could hide things. But this time, it wouldn't be for her own best interests and very well could be the thing to hurt her.
Edythe worked diligently through the half dozen tanks that were housed in Amanda and Sky's basement; the task of mixing chemicals and reading test results gave her something to do, to fill her mind to avoid the invading thoughts that always sat on the edge of her mind. Being alone freed her from the obligation to control her facial expressions, to modulate her tone. She could be silent, and allow herself to feel the emotions she felt, without fear of their undertones alerting Jessamine.
Edythe knew Carine and Earnest were speaking to Amanda and Sky above her, but she hoped it wasn't anything other than mild mannered chit chat. She felt she had done a decent job of playing the part, though it wasn't completely fake. She was, in fact, happy to work, happy in school, happy to be able to be with her family without the threat of Victor or anything else over them. But the smaller things, things much less vicious or brooding than a vengeful vampire, were what were weighing her down now.
There was the always nagging feeling of inadequacy, something she had learned to live with long ago; but it had gotten worse as she had begun her career in the veterinary field. She found she loved the work, and enjoyed the challenge, and looked forward to veterinary school to fulfill that which she started on this path for. But every time she looked at Amanda or sometimes when she spoke a certain phrase, she was reminded of Carine, and how she was in practice. Her mother was the best, most skilled surgeon in the world, and Edythe could never compete with her, either as a surgeon or a doctor.
Despite the fact she knew she and Carine would be treating completely different species, Edythe couldn't remove the constant comparison—and resulting self-deprecation—from her mind. It was always there, like a migraine pulsing at the back of her brain, reminding her of her inadequacy. Many times she had seriously debated on giving up, but then there would be that spark that kept her going. Mostly, she lived on that spark, to work as hard as she could to try to live up to what Carine was, though she knew she would never be able to match her.
The other relatively minor thing was her back pain. Though she had told Carine she hadn't taken the Ocalcitin in a while, the reasoning behind it was not that she had no more pain, but in that the pills were no longer effective. Her lower back ached constantly, made worse by the constant tussling with dogs at the hospital and the bending and twisting as was required of the job. Edythe had tried other over the counter drugs to no avail, but she couldn't bear to go back on opioids, both for the miserable side effects she suffered as well as not wanting to seem—in her family's eyes—she was regressing.
But the pain was hard to ignore, try as she might. Edythe worked hard to not focus on it directly at home, focusing instead on the fatigue or anxiety rather than pain to thwart Jessamine's ability. Nothing had come of it so far, and she intended to keep it that way.
But the last thing was the biggest hurdle, the one that loomed over her because of its massiveness, as well as her inability to overcome it. It had been the first to plague her, but it had been the one she had been best able to beat to the back of her mind: the fear of the future. The future and beyond was something that was so vast and ambiguous sometimes Edythe had no idea where to look to try to sift through it; other times, her choices seemed so small and concrete, it was hard to see anything else.
Despite the fact she did not regret her choice, the consequences of her humanity had dawned on her more and more since leaving Forks, and it came out mostly in the small things. As she watched her siblings wrestle in the backyard, or referee a baseball game, or greet them when coming home from a hunting trip, all things she used to partake in, that she never would again.
Though she didn't believe it at the time, there were far more parts to being a vampire that she missed: the speed, the lack of exhaustion, even the mind reading. There were many times Edythe found herself almost yearning for her former telepathy, though for most of the time there was an equal time where she was eternally grateful to be not be privy to a person's inner monologue.
It was hard to sort through, let alone accept, and even less so when she thought about the future further. What would they do as she and Beau aged, when it wasn't feasible to carry on the younger sibling facade, or even the parent facade? Would she be forced to move away? Would her job as a vet require her to stay in one place while her family was forced to move on, unchanging for all eternity? Would her and Beau's future children—when they chose to have them—be privy to her family's secret, or would she have to hide it from them? Or, even worse, keep them away from her family altogether? What would her family do when, eventually, she and Beau were gone from this world? Would they miss her, mourn her; would they be able to move on even after losing them?
There were so many questions, and she couldn't answer any of them, mostly because of the pain that came from the possibilities, none of them the optimal or preferred choice. It was all too much to bear, and so she forced it back, burying it to the far corners of her mind where she didn't have to deal with it, and choosing to focus on the more current, ongoing problems.
Those at least she could do something about. Maybe not much, but she would do everything she could, until she could give no more.
A/N: You know, I originally had this planned out slightly differently, where each of the Cullens had a separate story arch that each dealt with Edythe's change separately. That idea hasn't been abandoned, but I find I feel it's more cohesive for all the Cullens to deal with the change in a similar way; they are a family after all. And ultimately, they all have to deal with it together.
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now about Renee. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I don't buy the crap SM shoveled into Midnight Sun about Renee's "gift" about having people want to take care of her. That was almost definitely added after the fact to explain away or put Renee in a better light. I stand by my opinions; I've read the books enough times and analyzed and overanalyzed to believe I have at least some concrete basis for the ideas.
I'm trying to dabble a bit more in the idea of the vet stuff being present, but on the edge (again, my universe inside my head would take about 50 years to write, so I have to get down to basics). I'm kinda of taking this new development in stride; it wasn't immediately planned in the beginning outline of the story, but I find it is an opportunity for character development and exploration.
The ending is kinda going to be a recurring thing; after all, this story is named "Mortality" and it is entirely based on the idea of what would happen if Edythe got what she thought she wanted, and became human. I know a couple of you wanted me to go down the more conventional, fantasy route (chaining Beau and Edythe into vampires when the accident occurred) but I feel that goes against the whole point of the story. I find the idea of watching how a vampire coven with a human daughter and her mate navigating through the comparatively less violent but still equally stressing and taxing human world problems to be far more intriguing, mostly from its familiarity. We can't all relate to the dilemma of whether or not to be changed into a vampire is ethical, but I think we all can relate to Edythe on some level over this story.
Or maybe I'm just shooting stuff off with no idea of what I'm talking about; who knows? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Regardless, I am back and will be doing a more regular weekend schedule! I hope you guys enjoyed and let me know what you think in the reviews, if you would like!