CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED ONE
"Come on, Jane," James said, patting her on the back and bending down to grab her suitcase. "Let's go inside."
Jane shook her head and wiped at her eyes.
"In a second. I don't want your parents to see me like this. I don't want them to—"
"To think something's wrong?" Sirius butted in, jumping off the front porch and walking over to join his two friends.
Jane shot him a look, just knowing that somewhere inside him, he was screaming "I told you so."
"My parents aren't here," James said, ushering Jane towards the house. "Dad's at work, and Mum's gone out with her friends—shopping I think."
"Yeah, don't worry. Nobody will be able to actually help with anything," Sirius mumbled.
James cut his eyes at Sirius.
"Don't do that, Padfoot," he warned.
Jane just shook her head and ignored him as she bent down to let Asha out of her cage. Asha hooted happily and flew off but not before swooping down at Sirius' head, making Jane laugh.
"Good girl," Jane muttered under her breath.
"Stupid bloody bird," Sirius grumbled.
"You deserved it," Jane said, picking up the empty cage and her broomstick before following James inside.
Sirius rolled his eyes and followed them.
"All I'm saying is that I asked you if you wanted to come, and you said no, so—"
"Shut up, Sirius," Jane said. "I'm not in the mood right now for you to tell me how right you were and how wrong I was."
"So, you admit that I was right, and you should've come with me?" Sirius asked in an arrogant way.
"No," Jane said, "I think I did exactly what I was supposed to do."
"What? Wait around until you get hurt and come crying to us?" Sirius asked. "Brilliant plan, Janie."
"Sirius, shut up," James said.
"I wouldn't expect you to understand," Jane told Sirius.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked.
"Honestly, both of you, stop it," James said before Jane could answer. "You've seen each other for two seconds, and you're already at each other's throats. What's your problems?"
"I don't have one," Jane said, walking up the stairs.
"Yeah, we haven't heard that before," Sirius retorted.
As Jane reached her bedroom doorway, she whirled around to face him.
"You know, for someone who wanted me to be here, you're doing a great job of making me want to go back home," Jane said before slamming the door in his and James' face.
James looked down at Jane's suitcase that was still in his hands and wondered what to do with it.
"Someone's being a drama queen today," Sirius said.
James left the suitcase outside of Jane's door and looked at Sirius.
"Why do you have to be an arse to her?" James said. "Honestly, what did she do?"
"What? You don't ever get tired that whenever you offer help, she declines, but later she's all tore up about it?" Sirius said.
"You're still disappointed that she didn't come here with you," James said accusingly as they walked down the hallway.
"Disappointed is the wrong word. Confused? Annoyed? Yes and yes. But disappointed? Not really because that would mean that I actually had expectations that she'd come with me," Sirius explained as they walked into James' room.
"If you knew she wouldn't come, then why'd you go ask her?" James asked, grabbing his pack of Exploding Snap cards from his dressing table.
Sirius shrugged.
"I don't want her thinking that I never did anything to help," he said. "Anyway, any other normal person would've jumped at the chance. Why Janie wants to live in that house is beyond me."
"Maybe she still has hope," James suggested. "And you can't really blame her. She's already lost one parent; you can't expect her to run away from the other one."
Sirius opened his mouth to say something but shut it again as James began to deal out the cards. Sirius had to admit that he had never thought of it like that.
Meanwhile, Jane was listening for the boys' voices to drift further down the hall. When she could no longer hear them, Jane opened her door and pulled her suitcase inside. Then, she looked around the room. It looked like it had been untouched since the last time she'd been there which had been Easter in fourth year.
Jane fell back onto the bed with a sigh and grabbed one of the throw pillows that still had her initials embroidered on them. She gently traced the white letters over the light green fabric of the pillow, and a little smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She had missed this room. She had missed this house. She had missed the Potters.
However, it was not her home, and Jane was intent to keep it that way. It wasn't anything against the Potters, or Sirius for that matter, but Jane just wanted to be able to still call that house on South Side Cottages her home. She didn't want to be one of those kids that ran away from home. She didn't want to give up on what was left of her family.
Jane frowned at the thought of her father, and her heart seemed to cave in on itself when she thought of the reasons he would hardly look at her. He blamed her. She could feel it in the air around him whenever she got too close. She knew that had to be the reason because even after all the therapy, even after she'd gotten almost back to normal, there was still that little voice inside her own mind that blamed herself for her mother's suicide. By now, Jane had come to the conclusion that it would never really go away, not completely; some part of her would always blame herself. Maybe her father would always blame her too.
I just have to try harder, Jane resolved as she rolled herself off the bed. When Christmas comes around, I'll make him notice me again. I'll make him proud of me again. I just have to try harder.
Jane forced a smile at the thought as she walked over to the dressing table with her purse. She sat down and opened her purse, placing makeup and perfume on the vanity. Jane dug back into her purse, and her brow furrowed when she saw something at the bottom.
Jane pulled out a little plastic baggy with two things inside of it. A joint and a note. Jane rolled her eyes as she took the note out and unfolded it; she immediately recognised Sammy's handwriting:
Have a great time! See you at Christmas!
xoxo
Sammy & Sarah
A little smile formed on her lips as she thought of Sammy trying to sneak this into her purse. Jane stared at the joint in the bag for a while. Should she or should she not? It'd make her feel better if she did; that was certain. Maybe just a hit or two wouldn't hurt.
"Janie!"
Jane jumped in her seat and dropped the note on the floor when she heard Sirius' voice from down the hall.
"If you don't come out of your room, I'll drag you out!"
It sounded closer now. Jane looked at the baggy in her hand and immediately scrambled to her feet, looking for a place to hide it. Quickly, she shoved it under the mattress. She whirled around just in time to see Sirius rudely bursting into her room. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms.
"James thinks I should apologise," Sirius drawled in a bored way.
"Shocking," Jane said sarcastically, moving over to her suitcase and sitting it on her bed.
"We're playing Exploding Snap," he said casually.
"That's not an apology," Jane pointed out, pulling out a book from her suitcase.
"Did you expect one?"
"Nope," Jane said, snapping her suitcase shut and turning to see that Sirius was now leaning against her bedpost, staring at her.
"But I would like to know what your problem is," Jane said
Sirius just stared at her for a while, a ghost of a frown on his handsome features. Jane just stared back at him, waiting for an answer. Sirius just shrugged and shook his head.
"I don't have one," he said pushing away from the bedpost.
"Like hell you don't," Jane snapped. "What? Are you mad at me? What the hell did I do to you, huh?"
Sirius ran his hand through his hair and let out a humourless laugh, mumbling something under his breath. Then, he looked at Jane again.
"Look, I just—I don't get why you put yourself through it," Sirius said.
"Yes, you do," Jane said automatically, "otherwise, you would've left for the Potter's a hell of a long time ago."
"You think I wanted to stay there? You think—"
"No, but you did," Jane pointed out. "You did because they were your family. They were demented and twisted, but they were your family."
Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Jane cut him off.
"And why do you care so much lately?" she asked. "When did Sirius Black start taking such prominent interest in what hurts me, huh?"
Sirius glanced almost involuntarily to Jane's right arm where the white scars remained etched into her skin. Jane shifted the book she was holding to block the scars from his view.
"What is taking so long?"
Jane and Sirius looked to see James walking into the room.
"Nothing," Sirius said, walking out of the room.
James shot a funny look at Sirius' retreating figure and looked back at Jane.
"What'd you say to him?" James asked.
"Nothing," Jane said, shrugging her shoulders.
James shrugged, and as he turned to walk out the door, something caught his eye. Jane followed his gaze to the side of the bed where, to her horror, a corner of the plastic baggy was poking out from under the mattress.
James moved over to the bed and pulled the bag out from under the mattress. His brow furrowed as he looked at it.
"What is this?" he asked.
"It-it's nothing. I—"
James pulled out the joint and inspected it. He held it up to her.
"What is this?" he asked again in a much sterner voice.
Jane opened her mouth, but shut it again, not knowing what to say.
"Is this drugs?" James asked.
"I-I wasn't gonna—"
Jane wanted to say, "I wasn't gonna smoke it," but she knew it was a lie.
"Shit, Jane," James said.
Jane watched as he walked into her bathroom and listened as she heard the flushing of a toilet. He walked back out and looked at her.
"Look, I can't control what you do when you're with your friends at your home, but you will not do that here. Do you understand?" he asked.
Jane was looking at her feet and silently cursing Sammy.
"Look at me," James said, and Jane tentatively lifted her eyes. "Do you understand me?"
Jane nodded.
"It won't happen again," she promised in a voice a little over a whisper.
"Good," James said.
Jane couldn't help but wince at the hint of disappointment that she caught in his voice.
"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice, looking back at the floor.
James sighed as he looked at her. She resembled a puppy that had just gotten kicked. And despite his efforts, he couldn't make himself stay mad at her.
"It's okay," he mumbled, pulling her into a tight hug.
Sirius, who had been standing outside the door, was listening. The frown on his face deepened when he thought of how twisted it was that James, who was four days younger than Jane, was more of a father to her than her real father actually was.