CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FIVE

All secrets eat at you somehow. Some try to eat their way out of you, until you just have to tell someone. Some secrets eat at your insides, twisting them and turning them into mush, because they're deadly and terrible to know. And then there are secrets, like the one Jane knew about Mary and Marlene. Those kind of secrets eat at your conscious because you were never supposed to find out, and you felt guilty just for knowing.

It's weird to know someone else's secret when they had no clue that you knew at all. Jane began to wonder if she should let them know that she knew. She went through cycles of talking herself in and out of it over and over again.

And then there was the shock factor. Jane just never would've guessed that Mary and Marlene… They had just both seemed so boy crazy, and it had never occurred to Jane that they were anything more than just good friends.

Of course, Jane knew why they were keeping it a secret. It wasn't exactly what one would call "socially acceptable," and the more Jane thought about it, the more shitty she realised it was. Jane hadn't exactly had a formed opinion on the whole thing up until then, as her exposure to the gay community had been limited to whenever the Gay Liberation Front and LLGS were being talked about on the telly. Also, she had heard rumours that the babysitter she'd had when she was little, when her parents still had date nights, had gone off to uni, cut off all her hair, and ran off with some girl from France.

But thinking of Mary and Marlene, who were both really funny and nice, Jane didn't understand what society's problem was. Being gay didn't fundamentally change who you were as a person. Mary and Marlene were still Mary and Marlene. They could still make people laugh; they still had their excellent social skills that Jane sometimes envied. They were still the same people they'd always been. And Jane was certain that if she were to look up her old babysitter, Liz, she could still probably make the best chocolate chip cookies Jane had ever tasted.

Jane just didn't understand why everyone was caught up on this. Yeah sure, it was supposed to be this big sin and blah blah blah, but as far as Jane was concerned, so was stealing or telling a lie, and people did that all the time. Plus, Jane hadn't really been raised in a very religious household anyway. She knew people said that it was "unnatural," but she had seen how happy Mary and Marlene had been that day. Mary looked at Marlene the way Frank looked at Alice. It wasn't unnatural; it was love (or so Jane thought it was, as she'd never actually been in love).

Long story short: Society was shit.

"Janie, are you even listening?"

Jane snapped out of her trance and looked at Sirius.

"Huh?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at her.

"Full moon. This Wednesday. What do we do?" he asked, pulling off his dragon-hide gloves as they walked from their Herbology class to lunch.

Honestly, Jane didn't think Sirius and James would make it through the weekend, so she had never accounted for the full moon. So, she just shrugged.

"I don't know, ask Remus," she said, brushing dirt off of her robes.

"He said to ask you," James said.

"I guess it can be an exception," Jane said.

After all, transforming with your werewolf friend to lessen his pain every month seemed like a good enough reason as any to use magic to Jane.

"Thanks, Jane," James said, giving her a hug.

"Jane!"

"Your mini-me is looking for you, Janie," Sirius said as Violet pushed her way past a group of sixth year boys.

"Hey, Violet," Jane said. "What's up?"

"You will not believe what I just heard Heather Campbell and Michelle Trinus talking about in History of Magic—"

"Who are they?" Jane asked, amused with how fast Violet was talking.

Violet waved her hand dismissively.

"Eh, just a couple of Hufflepuff girls," she said. "Anyway, did you hear that that Howard girl in Ravenclaw that's in your year—"

"Lena Howard?" Jane suggested.

"Yeah, Lena, whatever. Anyway, did you hear? She's pregnant!"

"What?" Jane asked about the same time that Sirius exclaimed: "Ha!"

Jane gave Sirius a look, and turned back to Violet.

"By who?"

Violet shrugged.

"All I know is that Heather Campbell said that Lena's little sister told her that Lena's parents might ship her off to the Salem Witches' Institute in the States. I think it's like the only all-girls' school there is."

"Can they do that?" Jane asked; she had never heard of any witch or wizard transferring to a different school.

"I dunno," Violet said, shrugging again as they walked into the Great Hall.

"So, are these Hufflepuff girls your friends, or…?"

Violet let out a laugh.

"No, they just sit behind me in History of Magic and talk obnoxiously loud, not that Professor Binns notices, seeing how he hardly ever notices anything," Violet said.

"Once in fourth year, Herbert Mitchell set his desk on fire in there," James recalled. "Remember that?"

Jane laughed as they all sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"Old Binns never noticed a thing," Sirius said. "At least we were able to put it out."

"That explains the scorch marks on that one desk," Violet noted. "Anyway, with those two sitting behind me all year, I'm never gonna learn anything, but at least I'll be up to date on all the school gossip."

"History's a bunch of rubbish anyway," Sirius said, filling his plate with food. "You'll never use any of it."

Jane rolled her eyes.

"Don't tell her that," she scolded. "History's important, dreadfully boring, but important."

"Did you form that opinion before or after you made a Dreadful on that O.W.L.?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, shut up," Jane said kicking at him underneath the table before turning back to Violet and saying, "Don't listen to him."

"You know I'm smarter than her, right?" he said in a matter-of-fact tone to Violet.

"A lot more arrogant too," Violet retorted, and Remus, James, and Peter chuckled.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, not at Violet but at Jane.

"I see she's developing your sarcastic attitude," he said. "No guy is gonna like that."

"Will MacGregor likes her," Violet reminded him, and Jane beamed at Sirius; when Violet was around, Jane never even had to argue with Sirius; Violet did it for her.

Sirius sneered at Jane's smug look and turned back to Violet.

"MacGregor doesn't count."

"He's more charming than you are," Violet shot back.

Jane started laughing, and Peter snorted so hard that pumpkin juice came out of his nose.

"Oh, you're like nine; what do you know?" Sirius said, becoming frustrated with the girl, and giving Peter a death glare.

Jane smiled as she filled her plate with food and listened to Violet and Sirius bicker back and forth across the table. Curiously, Jane scanned the Ravenclaw table and found Lena Howard sitting with her group of friends. She seemed okay, but then again, not everyone wore their emotions on their sleeves.

All Jane could think was: Poor Lena. It must be scary. I don't know what I'd do if it were me.

Of course, Jane didn't have to worry about getting pregnant because she was ninety-nine percent sure that she wasn't going to be the next Virgin Mary.

"I wonder how far along she is," Jane said, still looking at Lena.

"I think Heather said something like two months," Violet said. "Heather said that Lena's sister said that Lena waited until school started to tell her parents about it."

"Mm, imagine getting that letter in the post," James said. "'Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad! School's going good. Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you that I'm preggers.'"

Sirius and Peter laughed, but Jane didn't really think it was funny.

"You guys are idiots," Jane said under her breath, but no one heard her.

"It's her own fault," Sirius said. "Protection's made for a reason. People neglect it and end up ruining their lives with kids that were nothing more than mistakes."

"Merlin, shut up, Sirius," Jane said.

"Why? It's not like she's your friend," Sirius said.

"No, but maybe I have a problem with how you just called me 'nothing more than a mistake,'" Jane said.

"What are you on about?"

"My parents never meant to have me," Jane said. "They weren't married when my mum got pregnant; it was an accident."

Jane was glaring at Sirius and everybody else was quickly feigning interest in their food, not looking up from their plates.

"I told you that once," Jane said, looking back down at her own plate. "I guess you don't remember."

Sirius furrowed his brow, and then suddenly remembered Jane telling him that bit of information over the Christmas holidays the previous year when he was disguised by his Animagus form.

"They never meant have a baby," Jane had said before laughing miserably. "I guess even before I was born, I was more trouble than I was worth. I wasn't even out of the womb, and I was already ruining my parents' lives."

Before Sirius could scramble together an apology, Violet, trying to diminish the amount of awkward everyone was feeling, spoke up.

"I have Charms next," she said to Jane. "You never got around to helping me on those questions I had trouble with on the summer work that Flitwick gave us."

Jane forced a small smile down at the girl and nodded.

"Yeah, let's grab our food and go out to the courtyard, and I'll help you finish it," Jane said, grabbing her plate and school bag.

"You're an idiot," Remus said to Sirius after Jane and Violet had turned out of the Great Hall.

"I forgot she told me that," Sirius defended.

"Hang on, I don't remember her telling any of us this," James said.

"Probably because she never told any of you," Sirius said.

"Well, when'd she tell you?"

Sirius sighed.

"Christmas," was all he said, and James' mouth formed a silent "oh," and the friends went silent again.

"Hey, Evans, switch stations with me," Sirius said to Lily as they waited for their Potions class to start.

"What? No," she said.

"Come on, I have to talk to Janie," Sirius said.

"Talk to her after class."

"She has that stupid Healing class after this," Sirius said. "Just change stations with me before she gets back from the loo."

"No, I've already got my stuff set up," Lily said, motioning at her cauldron and various ingredients. "Besides, I'm not sitting at Potter's station."

"Come on, please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Plea—"

"No!" Lily shouted, causing the other students setting up their stations to look at them.

"I'll give you ten Sickles," Sirius said, and Lily thought for a second and snuck a glance at Severus who was watching her from across the room.

"Make it a Galleon," she said after a general scowl in his direction.

"You're killing me, Evans," Sirius said.

"A Galleon," Lily pressed. "And only for this one class."

"Oh, fine," he said, digging in his school bag for the money.

"Thank you," Lily said happily, taking the Galleon from him and proceeding to clear her things.

As she walked over to James' station, Sirius smirked when he heard James say "Hello," and Lily respond with "Don't talk to me, Potter."

By the time Jane got back from the restroom, Sirius already had his station set up across from hers. Jane rolled her eyes.

"What're you doing?" she asked.

"What? I'm not allowed to sit with you?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"You have never been my Potion's partner. In fact, I'm pretty sure Lily was setting up there when I left."

"First of all, in Advanced Potions we all do our own individual work, so I don't think we actually have assigned partners. And secondly, maybe she wanted to sit with someone else," Sirius said.

Jane glanced around the room and found Lily with her nose in her book as James stared at her from across their table. Jane looked back at Sirius with her eyebrow cocked.

"Right," she said sarcastically, "because that would happen."

"Fine," he said. "I just wanted to apologise for the incredibly stupid thing I said at lunch."

"You say something incredibly stupid every week," Jane said, dropping her voice to a whisper as Professor Slughorn started to talk. "I've learned to live with it."

"Well, this one was especially stupid," Sirius said.

"No argument there," Jane mumbled, as she watched Lily walk to the front of the class to guess the names of the potions Professor Slughorn had brought to class.

"So, do you forgive me?"

"Depends. Do you still have that bottle of Firewhiskey you nicked from the Three Broomsticks Saturday?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Yes. Why?"

"I want it," Jane said.

"But—"

"I mean, after all," Jane interrupted, "what you said really did hurt. I mean, I guess I just expect you to remember all the secrets that I unknowingly told you."

"But it's the expensive kind!" Sirius said.

"It's not like you paid for it," Jane pointed out.

"Oh, fine," Sirius said, "but what do you even want it for anyway?"

"Will's birthday is this Friday. I figured I should get him something."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Why should you get him anything?"

"Oh, I thought that'd be obvious," Jane said. "I'm trying to get him to ask me out again."

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"So, I can say yes this time," Jane said, half-heartedly listening to Professor Slughorn say something about some potion called Liquid Luck.

Sirius shook his head.

"Why do you want to date MacGregor of all people?"

"Why do you care?" Jane countered, trying to get him to shut up so she could listen to what Slughorn was saying.

Sirius leaned back and crossed his arms.

"I don't. It's just that—"

"Mr. Black, are you and Miss Hensworth having some sort of trouble back there?" Professor Slughorn asked, seeing that the two weren't paying attention to him.

The whole class turned to look at them.

"No, Professor," Sirius said. "We're all right."

"Good," Slughorn said, "because in addition to the individual work you'll be doing in my class this year, all of you will have a project to work on outside of class. Your partner for this project will be the person currently sitting across from you."

Jane heard a little thud and looked over to see Lily with her head on her desk. James, however, seemed rather ecstatic about the whole idea.

"Now, back to what I was saying…"

Jane groaned.

"I don't want to work on a potion with you."

Sirius scoffed.

"Why not?"

"Because doing schoolwork with you is like doing schoolwork with James, only worse."

Sirius finally went silent, but of course, he wasn't finished screwing up Jane's day.

"You complete arse."

"Ow! What did I do?"

"You know very well what you did!" Jane said as she finished hitting Sirius with her school bag.

"It was just a tiny slip," Sirius said.

"I take my eyes off you for one hour to go to Healing Theory, and you lose the bet?! I had five Galleons on you!"

"To be fair," Sirius defended, "hexing a Slytherin should've been counted as an exception."

"No, it shouldn't have!" Jane said. "You just shouldn't have hexed him!"

"But he was being a—"

"You should've just ignored him," Remus grumbled, not very happy with Sirius losing the bet either.

"Or at the very least, punched him!" Jane exclaimed.

"I'll admit that I didn't think of that," Sirius said.

"Obviously," Jane huffed as she plopped down beside Remus on the couch.

James beamed happily.

"I hate to say, 'I told you so,' but—"

"Shut up, James."