They took Luna and put her on a stretcher, the doctors allowed Olivia to follow them and asked her questions as they hurried down the hall.
"Okay mommy, how old is she?" the doctor asked as she checked her vitals.
"She turned 5 months a couple days ago," Olivia answered the questions as directly as possible.
"Did she hit her head or nose?"
"No. She didn't hit anything while she was sleeping?"
"How long ago did she start bleeding?"
"I woke up about 25 minutes ago, I heard her crying over the baby monitor. It must have been shortly before that."
"Did she lose consciousness?"
"No, but she lost a lot of blood. I put frozen peas on it - I -I don't know if that helped."
"Is she allergic to anything?"
"No. Not that I know of."
"Any vomiting?"
"No."
They arrived in the hospital room.
"Okay - "
"Olivia."
"Olivia we are going to have to cauterize her nose to stop the bleeding and give her a couple units."
The doctors began.
"Is she going to be okay?"
"She lost a lot of blood and she's going to have a long night but she's going to be okay."
The doctor quickly took the onesie off and saw the bruise on her leg. She turned her around and saw the other bruise on her back along with a fresh bruise on her arm. Olivia saw the look of worry that washed over the doctor's face but then the doctor composed herself.
"Okay, we will need you to fill out some information for your daughter please Olivia."
A nurse came in and gave Olivia some paperwork.
"Is everything okay?" she asked in a panic.
Olivia was nothing if not perceptive, she knew the doctor wasn't telling her everything.
"When did she get these bruises?" the doctor asked.
"They popped up today. They didn't get injured or anything, they just appeared."
"Has it happened before?"
The doctor asked questions as she worked diligently to stop the bleeding.
"Yes, one a few weeks ago but it went away. I was going to take her to the doctor tomorrow."
"Doctor - is something going on? Please tell me?"
"Olivia please don't worry - fill out the paperwork so we can get as much information on her as possible so we can better take care of her."
She stood by as they treated her nose. First, they put a cotton ball of lidocaine in her nose one at a time to numb her nose and hooked her up to a drip. She held on to Luna's tiny hands to give her comfort. She had no idea 'cauterize' meant to burn flesh to stop it from bleeding but that's what they did to the inside of her nose. It wasn't as messy as she expected. They used silver nitrate on a stick and once they cauterized her, the bleeding stopped. When the doctor was done with her and Luna fell asleep, she rushed out to the waiting room to take Lana from the officer. Under normal circumstances, she would never allow a stranger anywhere near them, police officer or not but tonight was different. She saw the officer sitting with Lana on his lap, she laid lazily, clinging to her pacifier. She walked over to them and stretched for Lana who gladly came to her.
"Thank you for looking after her Officer -"
"Alexander, but you can call me Wren."
"Wren, I'm Olivia, this is Lana."
"Hello. How is she doing?"
"She is sleeping. The doctors treated her and now I'm waiting for them to tell me what's going on."
"I'm very glad to hear that," he smiled kindly.
"Thank you for all your help Wren."
She walked off but he stopped her.
"Olivia -"
She stopped. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of his cards.
"Here's my card - just in case you ever need anything and I -uhm moved your car to the parking lot. Here is your key - I almost forgot to give it to you."
He stretched out his hand with his card and her keys.
"Thank you."
She turned and walked back to Luna's hospital room. She called Abby first. She had to try a few times before she picked up it was around 4 am.
"Abby?"
"Liv, what's going on? Do you know what time it is?" she asked sleepily.
"Abby, I had to take Luna to the emergency room. She had a really bad nosebleed that wouldn't stop bleeding."
"Wait, you are you now?" Abby's voice immediately became alert.
"I'm still at the George Washington University Hospital."
"Okay, I'm on my way now."
Olivia let out a deep breath.
"Okay."
She was still trying to process what was going on when the doctors came back into the room. The time this main doctor brought another doctor along with her.
"Hello, Olivia. I didn't get to formally introduce myself, I'm doctor Richardson and this is doctor Isaacs. I asked him to examine your daughter, is that alright?"
"Yes. Do you have any idea what's going on or are you still trying to figure it out?"
"We have an idea - we just want to be absolutely sure."
"Okay -so what's going on then?"
They didn't answer, instead, Dr. Isaacs started asking her questions.
"Olivia, has Luna exhibited any strange behavior in the past weeks?"
"Strange?"
"Yea, strange - I'm sorry are they identical twins?"
"Yes, they are."
She saw a worried look on his face.
"Is there anything that Luna does that her sister doesn't do?"
Olivia took a few seconds to think.
"Uhm, Lana has been moving a lot more than Luna. She can sit up and Luna can't."
"Anything else?"
"Luna has been sleeping a lot and also she has a few unexplained bruises that came up today and another one a few weeks ago. Can you tell me what's going on?"
The doctors eyed each other, then Dr. Richardson began.
"We put a rush on the test results so we should have them in a few hours but what this appears to be is a posterior nosebleed caused by thrombocytopenia."
"Thrombocytopenia?"
"Severe bleeding and bruising due to lack of platelets. Platelets are what help the blood to clot and stop bleeding."
"Uhm okay - so how do we fix that. Does she need to take a vitamin or something?"
"No - there are very few things that cause Thrombocytopenia."
"Like what?"
Dr. Isaacs interjected.
"We just want to be completely sure before we give you a diagnosis, it will take several more hours before we have conclusive evidence in the blood work to verify our diagnosis."
Dr. Isaacs examined Luna's bruises carefully.
"Her sister has never shown any of these symptoms, has she?"
"No. None."
"Okay. Once the rest of the results we'll come back we will come to see you right away."
"Okay. Thank you, Doctors."
Olivia called Bonnie as she waited for Abby to arrive.
"Hello Olivia, is everything alright?" Bonnie sounded disoriented over the phone.
"No, I'm at the hospital with Luna, she had a really bad nosebleed and I took her to the emergency room."
"Okay, which hospital are you at? I'm coming."
"No Bonnie, I….you don't have to come, I know you're on personal time. I just wanted to let you know I'm not home so don't come to the apartment in the morning."
"Olivia. I'm coming. Where are you," Bonnie scolded.
"I'm at George Washington hospital."
"Alright, I'll call you when I get there."
"Okay."
Olivia felt terrible for calling Bonnie so early in the morning but she didn't know what else to do. She also wanted to call Fitz but she didn't have a way to reach him
Abby arrived shortly after. They wouldn't let her in, so Olivia had to physically go get her from the waiting area.
"Liv, what's going on?"
"I woke up earlier to crying over the baby monitor so I went to go check on them. Luna was in a small puddle of blood from her nosebleed. I call the ambulance but they were taking too long so I jumped in my car and drove here. The doctor said she had thrombocytopenia, they are trying to figure out why. I'm sure they know why but they said they want to be sure."
"Oh god. Where is she now?"
"She's in the room."
Olivia walked her back to Luna's room. Lana had fallen asleep In her hand the minute the doctors walked in the room earlier.
When they got into the room. Abby walked over to Luna.
"Aww, you poor thing."
She gently caressed her leg and then walked over to sit beside Olivia.
"How do you feel?"
Olivia took a deep breath.
"I don't know how to feel. On one hand, I'm freaking out but on the other hand, I have to be calm for them. I need to call Fitz and tell him-"
"-wait he knows about them? You talked to him?"
Olivia sighed, "he came over on Tuesday night and we talked."
"You didn't tell me?"
"I know I just wanted to process it first, you know."
Abby wanted more details but it wasn't the right time to ask so she let it go and rubbed her back."It'll be fine. Okay."
Bonnie arrived shortly after. They waited for hours during which time, Abby had to run to the apartment for diapers and milk for them. They were all excited when Luna woke up. She was tired but she seemed alright.
It was around 8am when the doctors came back.
Olivia tried to ignore the sad look on their faces and focus on what they had to say.
"The reason, I asked Dr. Isaacs to help is because he is a hematologist. Luna's nosebleed was so severe because she didn't have enough platelet cells to stop the bleeding."
"Okay, you said that earlier."
"Yes, we ran a CBC test and she is severely lacking, platelet cells, white and red blood cells. She had about 50% of what a healthy person should have."
Olivia felt her breath stop. She didn't like where they were headed.
The doctor reached into her pocket and handed her a card.
"This is a great oncologist that works at a special children's hospital on the north side of the city. I think you should pay him a visit. To get an expert's opinion on how to move forward."
"Oncologist? What - cancer?" Olivia barely managed to say the words.
"Yes, I'm afraid Luna has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. After all the tests we've run, that is the conclusive diagnosis. There are 8 subtypes of AML, a specialist will be able to properly identify which type she has and begin the best course of treatment for her."
Olivia felt like time stopped and she was no longer in her body.
"Are you sure doctor?" Abby asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid so, we ran several tests and that is the conclusion."
The doctor turned her attention back to Olivia. "Please take some time to process this. I understand this must be very difficult news to hear but the survival rate for AML is at 65% and rising. You should be able to take her home later today but I would advise you to see the specialist as soon as possible. I can give him a call and he could see you tomorrow."
"We would really appreciate that," Abby answered.
The doctors left after giving Luna a quick check-up.
"Olivia, it's alright. She will get through this alright. Prayer can change everything," Bonnie hugged Olivia tightly as she sobbed.
Olivia didn't particularly believe anything she was saying but it felt good to hear.
It took Olivia a few hours to calm down but once she did, She resolved to do everything possible to help her daughter beat leukemia. She called the doctor at around 1 pm to set up a consultation for tomorrow. Later that evening, they were discharged from the hospital. Abby went home with Olivia and Bonnie went home by herself.
Abby realized Olivia hadn't eaten all day so she went to the kitchen to fix sandwiches as soon as they got home. Olivia sat with both the girls on the rug. Within a few minutes, Abby walked over with the sandwiches. She handed a plate to Olivia.
"I'm not hungry."
"You haven't eaten all day Liv and I'm pretty sure you won't sleep tonight so eat something please."
She took the sandwich and placed it on the floor beside her.
"Olivia, it's going to be okay. I know this is tough news but let's wait to see what the doctor says before we freak out."
"How can I not freak out Abby. This is my baby we're talking about."
"I know Liv. Just try to stay positive and look at every day as a new day. Tomorrow is a new day and depending on what the Doctor tells you, you'll know how to fight this."
Olivia wiped her eyes.
"I wish I could take her sickness away but I can't. I feel powerless to help her and I'm so scared that I'll lose her. I mean look at her Abby, she's a fucking newborn. She hasn't been here 6 months and she's gonna have to go through chemo now? And let's say she beats it this time, what if she gets it again in 5 years and then 5 years after that."
"Don't think like that. Just wait and hear what the doctor says, okay."
"Okay."
She gave them a warm bath, she was extra careful with Luna. She fed them and then put them to bed. She asked Abby to watch them while she showered quickly and within a few minutes she was back by their side. That night, she sat in the rocking chair in the nursery and watched them sleep the entire night. She was tempted to google anything she could find on Leukemia but she thought better of it, she needed to hear what the specialist had to say first. She sat quietly in the dark with her girls sleeping peacefully until she saw the morning light begin to peer through the curtains. She had scheduled the appointment for as early as possible which was 9 am, she had three hours of waiting and she wasn't looking forward to it because she was anxious already. The first thing she did was clean. She walked around the house and cleaned anything she could, checking on the girls every couple of minutes, her paranoia over them had never been so bad. She washed Luna's bloody sheets and blanket and made their milk then she picked out their clothes for the day. When she found that there was nothing else to do, she started cleaning again. Abby heard the ruckus and woke up and walked out to the living room.
"Liv, what are you doing?"
"I'm cleaning, I just want everything to be disinfected, you know."
"It's 7 in the morning and your cleaning lady is coming in tomorrow."
"I know, the appointment is coming up soon, I'm about to shower, you should too."
"Uhm, okay, let me make some breakfast."
Abby walked over to the kitchen.
"Did you sleep last night?"
"Yep, I slept like a baby," Olivia said sarcastically.
"Okay fine, I guess I deserved that."
"You didn't I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous," Abby walked over to the kitchen island and hugged her tightly.
"It's okay, I'm really nervous too so I can only imagine what you are feeling."
"I'm gonna shower really quickly can you watch the girls please, just check on them every couple of minutes."
"Okay, no problem, I'm gonna make some coffee for you when you get out okay."
"Thanks, Abby."
Olivia rushed to the bathroom and showered quickly and then threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater. She went to the nursery to wake the girls and readied them. Once they were dressed she carried them to their high chairs to feed them. Abby jumped into the shower as soon as Olivia had the girls. They worked together seamlessly and left the house by 8am. The drive to the hospital was 35 minutes long. It was a children's hospital with a special cancer research division. Olivia anguished over how inconvenient that 35 minutes drive would be in the future. They waited for 45 minutes before they were able to see the doctor and every minute that passed seemed like an hour.
"Dr. Porpentine is ready to see you."
Olivia took a deep breath and walked to the office.
"Hello, Dr. Porpentine."
"Hello, Olivia, Luna, Lana, and -"
"Abby," Abby interjected.
The doctor smiled.
"Please, have a seat, you guys."
"I'm Dr. Maxwell Porpentine. I'm a specialized pediatric oncologist."
"Before we start can I ask you to be as honest with me as possible? Don't sugarcoat anything."
Dr. Porpentine nodded.
"Firstly, are your daughters' monozygotic twins?"
"Yes, they are. Does that matter?"
"Yes, it does. I'm sorry, they didn't tell me they were mono twins. That changes things."
"Why?"
"Well, they sent me the blood after they did the complete blood count test and it was abnormal. I rushed the tests as much as I could. Luna's platelet count is about 75,000 cells per microliter. That is half of a healthy blood count which is anywhere from 150,000-400,000. Her white and red blood cell count is low as well. Her leukemia stems from a hereditary genetic disorder."
"Cancer is genetic?"
"No, it's more complicated than that. Your daughter's test results show a mutation in the P53 gene."
"What is that?"
"The P53 gene stops the growth of abnormal cells. Cancer itself isn't inherited but the gene that allows the body to be susceptible to cancer can be passed down thus allowing cancer."
The doctor paused.
"Has anyone in your family suffered from leukemia?"
Olivia pondered for a moment. She couldn't think of anything on her side of the family but then again, she didn't know her side of the family very well. Then she thought about Fitz's side.
"Their father's mother died from leukemia years ago."
"You asked me earlier what does the fact they are twins matter; well since they are monozygotic they have identical DNA, I mean less than a fraction of a percentage difference. The issue with 'inherited cancer' and I use that term loosely - is that with identical twins when one develops a cancer like… leukemia during infancy, the other twin almost always develops the same disease within the next year because genetically speaking the same thing is happening in both their bodies and even though they are perfect bone marrow transplant matches for each other we can't use their stem cells for a marrow transplant, the fact that the other twin is so susceptible to the disease is too risky in too many ways."
"So basically you're telling me not only does Luna have an inherited cancer but Lana will get it too."
"It's not definite and I hope it is not the case but if it does happen I want you to be prepared and I also would like to check Lana's blood count to see if she has normal counts."
"What?"
"Just as a precaution."
Olivia zoned out again.
"What treatment plan do you recommend?" Abby asked.
"Okay, we are still waiting on the result of the subtype of leukemia but if it is the subtype of leukemia that I suspect she has then I would like to start treatment as soon as possible. Luckily we detected her disease early. We could start induction therapy in a week and then Chemo, based on her white blood cell, blasts, and platelets count I suspect 1-to 2 rounds of chemotherapy, and then we would definitely need a stem cell transplant. That is her best option. So it would help her out a lot if you have everyone close to her whether family or otherwise begin getting tested to see if they are a match, we are running the donor database as we speak to find prospects. A non-related donor has serious complications, especially with infants, a lot of times their body rejects the transplant so the closer the donor is in relation, the better. If they have any other siblings, that would be ideal."
"They have a half-sister."
"How old is she?"
"9."
The doctor looked disappointed. Olivia had heard enough bad news for one day so she didn't ask why.
The doctor sighed in frustration at the look on Olivia's face.
"I don't think I need to impress on you how rare it is to find cancer in children this young but there are other children like her who are fighting this disease, she can do it too. Don't lose hope and approach every day as a new one and she will get through this."
It was only the second time someone repeated the phrase to her and she was already tired of it.
"How many infants are diagnosed with Leukemia every year?"
"Roughly 150."
"And of the 150, what is the survival rate?"
"Less than 50%"
"Do you see where I might find it hard to be optimistic because now my only other child might also have leukemia?"
"This is hard, I know. I will do everything in my power to make sure your daughter has the best chance of going into complete remission but you have to help me by staying positive and not giving up on your daughter."
Olivia could feel the tears coming on but she fought them off and just nodded her head in response.
"I'd like to run some tests on both girls then you will be free to go home. I just need all of her genetic information before we begin treatment."
"Yesterday when the doctors took blood from Luna, her arm bled a lot from the needle."
"I'm afraid that is very common with patients that have a low platelet count. Unfortunately, after she begins induction therapy her white blood cell count will become even lower than it is right now and she will be very sick."
The doctor took them to the examination room. They were there for a couple of hours before they finished all the testing.
"Come in tomorrow at 1pm. I should get all the test results sometime later and I'll analyze them so I can give you a more in-depth look at what we're dealing with okay. We can begin preparing her for treatment after that and within less than a week she can begin induction. The sooner the better, we just need all of her genetic information first. It's a good thing we caught this thing early."
"Thank you, doctor."
"You're very welcome - also we need you to fill out some paperwork, insurance information, and all that jazz so we can begin prepping her for treatment."
"Okay."
The doctor followed them out. When Olivia finished all the paperwork she headed home. She didn't remember a worse time in her life. It was bad enough that Luna was sick, now Lana could very well get sick as well.
That night after she put them to bed, she called Cyrus to get Fitz's number. She didn't tell him about Luna's sickness, instead, she hoped that wherever Fitz was he could pick up the phone. She dialed the number and listened as it rang out. Just when she thought it was going to voicemail, he answered.
"Cy?"
"It's not Cyrus."
She sat on the rocking chair with Luna in her arms. The only time she would remain calm was when she had one of them in her arms and she was so afraid of Luna having a nosebleed again that she couldn't take her eyes off of her so she kept her in her arms and watched her sleep.
"Livie why do you sound like that? Are you alright?"
The tears rolled down her cheeks as she listened to his voice."No, I'm not alright," she cried softly over the phone."I really need you to come home," she sobbed, " Please. I need you."
"Why? What's going on," she could hear the worry in his voice.
"I can't tell you over the phone. I just really need you here right now."
"Okay baby. I'm gonna cancel the rest of the trip. I'll be there as soon as I can."
The next day Olivia met with Dr. Porpentine. He informed her that Luna had a very rare type of Leukemia called Acute Promyelocytic Leukaemia or type M3. The immature white blood cells accumulate in the marrow and cause a decrease in the production of white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets. The remission rate was 80-90% and the long-term survival rate was 77%, less so in infants but it was still good news for her, it gave her hope. The doctor explained to her a clear treatment plan, with what to expect and how to help with her treatment. He explained to her how brutal chemo could be and how sick Luna was going to get before she could get better. He also got the results for Lana's blood count and it was perfectly normal. After spending hours at the hospital she left with Bonnie, Luna, and Lana and a folder full of pamphlets on cancer. On her way home, she realized that she hadn't told Cyrus or the rest of her team what was going on. Once she got into her apartment, she called Cyrus. He answered on the first ring.
"Liv! Please tell me the fact that Fitz has caused an international incident by canceling a foreign affair excursion mid-trip has nothing to do with you."
"I found out a couple days ago that Luna has leukemia."
"What!"
"I just left the hospital, I didn't mean to spring it on you, I just don't know how to say it."
"I can't believe it. I'm so sorry to hear that but you know you have to tell him right."
"Fitz was at my apartment the night before he left on his trip. We talked, we're fine and yes, I'm the reason he left the trip. He doesn't know Luna has leukemia so please don't tell him."
"His mom died from leukemia and he took that really hard. This is not good-"
"Cyrus, I don't need you making this any harder than it already fucking is," she snapped.
"Sorry...how is Luna doing?"
"She's been sleeping a lot and keeps getting bruises because of the low platelet count, she starts treatment in a few days. It sort of all happened at once."
"This is terrible."
"Cyrus I have to go." She hung up the phone abruptly, not waiting for a response. For some reason, everything he said was annoying her and she wasn't sure if she was being too sensitive or he was being insensitive.
She sent Bonnie home early so she could have some time by herself before Fitz got there. She expected him to be there in a couple of hours.
Fitz had to stop at the White House to switch from marine one to a car. As Tom was prepping the car for him, he saw Cyrus head toward him.
"Cy? What are you doing out here."
"Nothing, I just wanted to see you before I left."
Fitz raised his eyebrow.
"Why? Are people somehow even angrier that I left the trip?"
"I know you're going to Olivia's."
"Uhh. Do you know what's going on?"
"It's better for you to hear it from Olivia."
"She and the girls aren't hurt, right? At least answer that."
"No, she isn't, she's at home."
Fitz sighed, "okay but my daughters?"
"I'll come with you if you want."
Fitz stepped closer to Cyrus, "look, I'm already fucking pissed you knew about my daughters but didn't tell me but I let it go because I'm trying to be better for Olivia and that means that when she asks people to keep secret for her, I have to leave them alone but if my daughters are hurt-"
"They're not hurt-" Cyrus said quickly. "But Olivia wants to talk to you. I can come with you. We can bust in on her," Cyrus chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood.
Fitz sighed and calmed, "Sure, why not?"
They arrived at the apartment within a half hour and made their way up.
Olivia sat in the bathtub with Luna and Lana covered in soap. She tickled them and made funny noises to make them laugh. She was trying to enjoy the last few days of normalcy until Luna began treatment.
"Peek a boo." And they erupted in laughter as if it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. "Peek a boo," They laughed again. She kissed them all over their faces and stomachs and the giggling continued.
Cyrus walked up to Olivia's apartment door and knocked. "Remember, it'll be okay."
"You are not helping, you're just making me anxious, Cyrus."
"Sorry."
"Come in," Olivia called loudly.
Cyrus twisted the door handle and realized it was open. He pushed it open and allowed Fitz to go inside. When Fitz walked into the living room the light was off. The only thing he could see was a light down the hallway coming from a room. He could hear Olivia making silly noises and he could hear the babies giggling. He slipped off his shoes and walked down the halls, "Livie, Baby, I'm here," he called as he walked.
When he reached the bathroom she stopped, "Livie?"
"I'm here," Olivia said. "You can come."
Fitz walked into the bathroom and saw Olivia in the tub filled with bubbles with Lana and Luna sitting on her lap.
"Well, thank god. For a second Cyrus had me thinking the worst."
He stooped at the side of the tub and leaned over and caressed her cheek. She had large bags under her eyes that weren't there before and her eyes were slightly red. He kissed her lips softly and then he leaned down to Lana and Luna and kissed them against the wet hair. They giggled in response. Fitz leaned up and pulled off his sweater so he was shirtless then reached his hand into the water and wrapped his hands around the girls and hugged them and kissed them again, "hey my beautiful girls, are you taking a bath with mommy?" Lana began bouncing up and down on her knees as she attempted to jump at Fitz, Luna couldn't and as Olivia observed them carefully, her heart filled to the brim watching Fitz interact with them and she burst into uncontrollable tears.
It terrified Fitz.
Both girls were still in his arms so though he had the urge to comfort her, he couldn't touch her.
"Livie-" he said as he leaned closer.
Olivia tried to wipe her eyes even though her hands were wet and only succeeded in adding more water to her face.
"Baby please tell me what's going on-"
Olivia took a breath in between unintelligible sniffles, "I…uh…need..a…second."
Fitz nodded, trying to stay calm, "I'll take them to dry them off and get their diapers on, and then I'll come back for you."
Olivia nodded.
Fitz stood with both babies in his arms and walked them quickly to the nursery to dry them on the changing table and get their diapers on. He realized as he took care of them that it would take practice to get used to having both babies at once. When he wrapped them in the little robes that were folded by the changing table and then laid them each in their cribs. "I'll be right back for you with mommy," he said.
When he returned to the bathroom Olivia was in the same spot he left her. Olivia stood when she saw him approach and stepped out of the bath and onto the mat. Fitz grabbed the robe from the hook against the wall and opened it around her naked body while making sure to keep his eyes everywhere but on her. If he looked he was sure to get an erection and it was the worst possible time for his body to betray him.
Olivia pushed her arms through the sleeves and then hugged onto his torso and pressed her face against his bare chest. Fitz felt her wet breasts squished against his chest and it was as if his heart fell to his stomach. He had already tried his hardest not to look because it wasn't the time for him to get hot and bothered when Olivia was obviously distressed. This time though, it was too much.
"Olivia," he said as he caressed her hair and hugged her, "you're torturing me here. Hide those breasts away from me."
Olivia finally laughed softly and leaned up and tied her robe around her body. "I'm sorry," she said with a chuckle.
"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong? That's kind of been torturing me too."
"It's..uh…really hard to get it out and it's not on purpose, I just…"
"It's okay, tell me when you're ready…I'm just anxious."
She nodded and held his hand and walked him to the nursery. They dressed the girls and then headed to the kitchen. "Do you want to help me feed them?" she asked softly.
"I'd love to."
She carried Luna and Fitz carried Lana.
"I used to largely breastfeed but they drank me dry so now they mostly take a bottle. Sometimes if they're really fussy I'll breastfeed them just to comfort them."
Fitz stood back with Lana as she prepared the bottles. When she finished making the bottles she handed him one and then she walked over to the coach and he followed her.
Lana spat out her pacifier in anticipation of the bottle which caused Fitz to chuckle. Olivia sat close to him and snuggled against him as they fed both girls. Lana drank all of her milk easily, while Olivia had a harder time feeding Luna who only drank a few ounces and then fell asleep.
Fitz burped Lana and rocked her to sleep as he kissed her forehead over and over again. She watched as Lana slept soundly on Fitz's chest and he looked down at her with adoration and curiosity. She finally built the strength to tell him.
"The night after you left, I put them to bed like I usually do. I heard crying on the baby monitor and I ran to go check on them, Lana was okay but Luna had a really bad nosebleed. She was covered in blood, all over her face and blanket. I took her to the emergency room and they had to cauterize the inside of her nose to stop the bleeding. They kept her overnight, they said she had thrombocytopenia, which means -"
"Not enough platelets," Fitz interjected. He knew those terms all too well, his mother went through the same thing.
"They gave her a complete blood count test and they say she has Leukemia-" Her voice hitched as she tried to finish her sentence.
He pulled her tightly under his arm. She sobbed uncontrollably as held onto her and kissed her forehead over and over again.
"This is a nightmare-"
Olivia leaned up to stare at him, "thank you! Everyone keeps telling me it's okay, it'll get better, just be strong and I want to strangle every fucking person that says it because it's not fucking okay and I can't take it one day at a time. Our baby has cancer and if that wasn't bad enough the doctor said that with identical twins when one twin gets leukemia within the first few months of life, the other twin almost always gets it too."
Fitz froze. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't bear the thought of losing either of them to the same disease he lost his mother to. He felt physically ill and Olivia noticed his face looked very pale.
"I'm sorry- I'm venting when you lost your mom to this-I'm sorry."
Fitz swallowed hard, "no-…they're our girls and we're not gonna lose them - cancer is horrific and it's gonna be hell watching her go through this but we're gonna have to do everything possible to get her out of it." He was trying to convince himself to believe the words as he was saying them.
They were both quiet, each consumed by their own thoughts."Fitz?"
"Yeah."
"I'm really sorry I had to tell you this way. I know it's a lot for you to process."
"It's okay. I'm just glad you told me." He leaned down and kissed Luna against her hair softly.