CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FOURTEEN

Toward the end of March, students began packing their things for the Easter holidays. Will, like a majority of the seventh year students, was staying at Hogwarts to avoid distractions when he really needed to be studying for his N.E.W.T.s. However, he walked Jane to the carriages to see her off.

They gave each other their goodbye kisses while Sirius made gagging noises in the background with Remus elbowing him to shut him up. When they pulled away from each other, Will placed a kiss on the tip of Jane's nose.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you more," Jane replied.

Will grinned and shook his head.

"Not possible, darling."

"Could you get any more sickening?" Sirius asked after Will left and they boarded the carriages.

"Oh, bugger off," Jane said.

"So, when exactly did that happen?" Lily asked, ignoring Sirius.

James looked at her.

"Evans, Jane's been dating MacGregor for months now. Where've you been?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"I'm not stupid, Potter. I meant, when did they start telling each other they loved them?"

Jane smiled.

"A couple of weeks ago," she said.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"Love's a made up concept, Janie," he said, not really believing it, just saying it to annoy her.

"Just because you've never felt it, doesn't mean it's not real," she replied.

"Humour me then," Sirius said, leaning forward in his seat, "how does one know if they're in love?"

"I suppose it's different for everyone," Jane said, "but for me, it's like when I see him, everything gets real quiet, and I can feel my own heart beating. And when he smiles, it's like a thousand butterflies have been set loose in my stomach—"

"A thousand?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

"Yes, a thousand," Jane repeated. "There's never a quiet moment with him. We can talk to each other for hours and not run out of things to say."

"If this is going to turn into some long, drawn out monologue about how great MacGregor is, then I'm truly sorry that I said anything," Sirius said, but Jane wasn't listening; she was now talking mostly to Lily.

"That's what I love about him. It's never uncomfortable; it just fits, like we were made for each other. And I love how funny he is, and how he laughs at my jokes even though they're corny and stupid. And I love how cute he gets when he's all worked up about Quidditch. I love how he's just inherently kind to everyone even when sometimes they don't deserve it."

As Jane went on and on about Will, Sirius scowled. However, he stopped when he realised that Jane was his friend and that he was supposed to be happy for her. He wasn't even completely sure what his problem was anyway. All he knew was that when he looked up and saw Jane smiling about Will MacGregor, a tiny, painful knot in his stomach seemed to pull itself tighter and tighter.

Sirius was also aware that Jane being happy right now was probably really good for her seeing as how when they got to London, she probably wasn't going to be anywhere near happy. In fact, all the scenarios he thought up about how this whole ordeal could go down ended with Jane getting hurt, and though Sirius knew he was a prat to her more times than not, seeing her get hurt wasn't exactly a highlight in his day to day activity.

James had sent an owl to his parents telling them that he and Sirius were just going to take the Knight Bus home. Of course, Mrs. Potter had made a big fuss about it, but she finally agreed when James promised to not complain at all about having to set up for the Easter party that they were hosting over the holidays. The plan was to just ride home with Jane and help her pack her things.

This could go one of two ways. On the one hand, everything could go as planned, but of course, Jane would just be upset about leaving her father, and she'd probably cry all the way to James' house. On the other hand, Jane's father could convince her to stay, which would put Jane right back in the toxic environment that Sirius and James were trying to get her out of in the first place. This would just leave the door open for further hurt and disappointment in Jane's life.

Sirius, who had been staring out of the window of the carriage, looked back at Jane who was enthusiastically talking about her relationship with Will. And even though the knot in his stomach was still there, he couldn't help but smile just a little bit. It was nearly impossible to see Jane smiling (even if it was about Will) and not smile as well; it was contagious. She was contagious, not just her happiness, but her pain as well. Maybe that's why he and James were so keen on her not getting hurt anymore. She had just turned seventeen, and she had had more than her fair share of pain to deal with.

"So, did I answer your question?" Jane asked sarcastically as she leaned forward in her seat, snapping Sirius out of his thoughts.

Sirius looked at the grin playing at Jane's lips, and his stomach gave a funny sort of lurch. Swallowing hard, he sat up straighter, angling his body further away from hers. Jane furrowed her brow.

"What?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head.

"Stomach ache," he said, turning to look back out the carriage window.

Jane continued to look at him strangely for a few more seconds before shrugging it off and turning to join Lily and the boys' conversation. Sirius glanced at Jane out of the corner of his eye and went straight back to feeling sorry for her. He wondered if she was thinking about her dad at all. He wondered if she was dreading this whole confrontation thing as much as he was. He wondered if she was thinking of things to say to her father when the train finally stopped in London.

Mostly, Sirius was worried about the fact that she hadn't exactly made her mind up yet. Sure, she'd be upset if she ended up leaving her father, but she'd get over it. Sirius supposed the other scenario was way worse. Sirius was a big fan of ripping bandages off rather than pulling them off slowly, and that's what it'd be like if Jane stayed with her father—it'd just prolong the pain Jane would feel.

Sirius had never really met Jane's father. He had seen him a few times on the platform at King's Cross, but he'd never actually spoken to the man. Regardless of having never gotten to know Jane's dad, Sirius felt a searing kind of hatred towards him because honestly, he and James shouldn't have to be trying to get Jane out of her house. Mr. Hensworth should've gotten over whatever problems he was having after his wife died. He had had his mourning period; it was way past time for him to stop behaving like this and start acting like a father again. This was a bandage that should've just fallen off by itself ages ago.

"He should be here any minute," Jane said for what felt like the hundredth time. "He's probably just stuck in traffic."

Sirius looked at his watch and walked over to James.

"He's nearly fifty minutes late," Sirius whispered to him. "When he gets here, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."

"When he gets here, you're gonna keep your mouth shut," James whispered back to him. "We're here as moral support for Jane, not so we can yell at her dad."

"Why can't we do both?" Sirius asked.

"Padfoot, seriously, don't say anything to him," James said.

Sirius clicked his tongue and shook his head in annoyance.

"I mean it," James said sternly.

"Fine!" Sirius exclaimed in a harsh whisper. "I'm just saying that the least he could've done was show up on time."

Jane sat down on her suitcase and propped her head up on her hand. And there she waited and waited and waited for another half hour. Then, she began to worry. What if something had happened to him? What if he'd been in a car accident?

"I'm sure there's another explanation," James had told her when she told him her fears.

"It better be a damn good one," Sirius mumbled.

James glared at him.

"What?" Sirius said. "It's been…" he looked at his watch, "…an hour and a half. He should've been here by now."

"James, I'm worried. He's not usually this late for things," Jane said.

"Save for Christmas, right?" Sirius muttered.

"For god's sake, shut the fuck up, Sirius; you aren't helping anything!" Jane nearly yelled at him.

"Whoa," Sirius said under his breath, shoving his hands in his pockets and stepping away from her.

Jane narrowed her eyes at him, and James stepped in between his two friends.

"Look, Jane, we'll wait a little longer, and if he doesn't show, we'll just take the Knight Bus, all right?" he said.

"And what if he's not at home either? What do we do then?" Jane asked.

"We'll worry about that when we get there, okay?" James said.

Sirius looked at Jane's concerned face and honestly hoped that her father hadn't gotten into an accident. Not only would that make Jane too upset to imagine, but if he was okay, she definitely wouldn't leave him after that; he wouldn't even have to convince her to stay with him.

In retrospect, Sirius would wonder if they should've even taken Jane back to that house anyway. Maybe he and James should've come alone and packed her things for her. If they had missed anything, they would've come back for it.

A confrontation with her father was actually the last thing Jane had needed at the moment. Sirius and James had thought it'd be a good idea because it'd help her get her feelings out there, but they had seriously underestimated just how angry she was at her father, and what he did hadn't helped the situation at all. They weren't just tearing off a bandage anymore; they were ripping open a wound.

When the Knight Bus dropped the three of them off in front of Jane's house, a wave of relief washed over Jane. However, it was very short lived, and she was immediately filled with the urge to punch something as she stared at her father's car in the driveway. The anger was more than evident on her face, and both boys took notice in the sudden change of emotion.

"Jane—"

What James was going to say was something along the lines of "calm down," but Jane had already stormed into the house. All James and Sirius could do was run after her.

"Dad!" Jane yelled as she looked around the empty sitting room. "Dad!"

Jane looked down the hallway and noticed that the light to his office was on. Within a few long strides, she found herself in front of the office doorway faster than anticipated. There, with his head laid on his desk, was her father. Jane's eyes wandered to the open bottle of brandy. There it was, the real culprit, just as she'd initially suspected back at Christmas when she'd found all the alcohol hidden in her father's office. However, her father having a drinking problem wasn't a good enough excuse for him leaving her stranded at a train station.

"Dad," she said, her voice shaking with anger by now, "wake up."

Getting no response out of him, Jane grabbed the brandy and chucked it across the room as hard as she could. As it smashed into a hundred little pieces against the wall, her father was startled out of his sleep. He whirled around in his chair, wide eyed, and saw her.

"Jane?"

"Is this what you've been doing, huh? While I was waiting for nearly two hours for you to come pick me up?"

"Was that today?" he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes, trying to wake himself up properly.

Jane was seething by this point; she didn't even want to look at him. She rushed back into the sitting room, pushing past the boys who were both wondering what the hell had just happened.

"Wait, Jane!" her father called, and she could hear him stumbling after her.

Through clenched teeth, Jane tried to steady her breathing. When she felt her father's hand on her shoulder, she whipped around and pushed him away.

"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me right now!"

Her father just stared at her silently, not knowing what to do. Jane waited for him to say something as James and Sirius watched from the other side of the room.

"Well?" Jane said. "Aren't you going to say something? Apologise? Make up some excuse? Anything?"

Her father remained silent, not knowing what to say to her, and Jane stared at him in disbelief. Sirius saw the hurt that swept over Jane's features, and it was painful to watch.

"What's wrong with you?" Jane demanded. "I feel like you haven't said five things to me in the past year, and you probably haven't! You just left me waiting for you at King's Cross for two hours, and you still won't say anything to me!"

Again, she got no response from her father, and she started to cry.

"Are you angry at me?" she asked.

"No," her father finally said.

"Then, what is it?" Jane cried, begging for some sort of explanation. "Because I've been trying to get you to talk to me ever since Mum died, but you just won't! And that's not fair because I needed you! I still need you! You've completely ignored me for going on two years now, and I want to know why!

"I feel like I'm a stranger in my own home, and it's not fair! I've been trying so hard to get you to notice me again; it's like you don't even see me half of the time!"

Her father looked down at the floor, and Jane screamed in frustration before lunging at him.

"And you're still not seeing me!" she screamed as she pounded on his chest with her fists before pushing away from him.

"We used to talk all the time. Whenever I got hurt, you were always there for me! You were the one that used to tell me everything was going to be okay, but then, Mum died, and you just completely shut me out! Why? Why would you do that to me?" Jane asked, tears streaming unchecked down her face.

"I get that you were hurting, but I was hurting too! I lost her too! And I needed you to tell me that it was going to be all right, but you didn't! And then, you just shoved me into therapy because you didn't want to deal with me yourself!"

Jane waited for her dad to say something to her, but once again, he never opened his mouth. Sirius never thought he could hate someone more than he hated his own family, but Jane's father was doing a very good job at testing that.

"Please, just say something!" Jane begged. "Yell at me! Tell me you blame me! Just please, open your fucking mouth!"

As she said the last part, she kicked the coffee table. However, when her father continued his silent treatment, she decided not to stop there. Hooking her foot under the table, Jane jerked it upwards, causing the table to tip over onto the ground. Sirius stepped forward a bit, but James put an arm out in front of him. If destroying stuff was going to help her get her anger out, then they were going to let her.

Eliciting no response out of her father, Jane made her way over to the bookshelf where she proceeded to throw most of the books across the room. She was determined to get him to say something to her. She swiped at the table lamp beside the couch, knocking it to the ground. She picked up the ceramic figurine that had been sitting beside it and threw it at the wall, but it smashed into the window instead, and the breaking of the glass would have been satisfying if it had gotten her father to tell her to stop.

However, her father, not knowing what to say and still being a little drunk, just sat down on the couch and buried his head in his hands. Jane screamed out in frustration again before grabbing at the pictures on the stand against the wall.

"Why! Won't! You! Say! Anything?!" she screamed, throwing a different picture across the room with every word.

When she looked up, she saw herself in the mirror. And before anyone could stop her, she put her fist through it, over and over again, screaming incoherently at her father and not registering the pain that was shooting through her hand.

"Janie! Janie, stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

Sirius wrapped his arms around her, pinning her own arms to her side. She struggled against him for a moment before just giving up and sinking to the ground, Sirius going with her. Jane leaned back into his chest and continued to scream and cry.

"Shhh, Janie, it's okay. It's gonna be all right," Sirius whispered into her ear as he rocked her back and forth a bit, trying to calm her down.

James gently grabbed her hand and carefully started to pick out the pieces of glass embedded in her bloodied knuckles, trying not to hurt her. When she was too tired to scream or cry anymore, Jane just stared blankly at the wall. Sirius leaned back against the side of the armchair and rubbed her arm in a soothing way.

They didn't even bother to go upstairs and pack her things; they figured they'd save that for another day. They got straight on the Knight Bus, and headed for James' house as quickly as possible. Sirius had yet to let go of Jane, holding her all the way to Yorkshire.

When they got to the Potters' front gate, it opened for them, and Mr. Potter appeared at the door.

"Where have you been? Your mother's been worried sick," he said.

Then, he realised that Jane was with them. He took in her dishevelled appearance, with her splotchy cheeks and puffy eyes to her red nose and the dark mascara that had run down her face.

"What happened?" he asked, meeting them halfway.

Sirius and James both went into explanations as Mr. Potter hugged Jane to his side before leading her towards the house. James' mother appeared on the front porch and looked at James and Sirius before turning her attention to the girl.

"Oh, Jane," she said, taking her from her husband and hugging her tightly.