NOTICE: The following section is not canon. And a clear indication of why the crew of the Island Symphony are never invited to any fancy get-togethers.

…

Tale #13: "We Wish You a Merry Not-Christmas"

Very little seemed to excite the entirety of the Island Symphony except for the prospect of a new year party (despite the fact that the true end of the year was six days away). It was a celebration of the events of the previous year mixed with gifts, festive lights, food, and probably enough alcohol to kill any one member of the crew if consumed in its entirety. Except Sello. It would probably just make him belch for a whole hour. Naturally, Link had his worries about how the festivities might affect his crew's judgment, so he had had the ship berthed at Hovela on the surface two days before.

And Hovela was as ready for the day as they were. Colored lanterns had been strung up between some of the buildings both around the port and in the town center. Although the docks had been swept clean, fresh snow, something new for the sky-born members of the crew, lay on every flat surface in sight. Even the deck of the Island Symphony had a light dusting as Leynne, Dubbl, Twali, and Layna put up strings of colored electric lights using the ship's rigging.

With its sails stowed and its moorings tied, the Island Symphony sat light on the dark night's ocean due to part of the crew getting seasick. The cargo doors lay open to give the crew and a few guests a clear view of the port and the ocean as they traded stories with each other over glasses of juice, beer, wine, or any other sort of alcohol. By far, the greatest topic of conversation for the ship's crew was their latest adventure under their teenage captain: the sinking of a demon airship. Among the guests, Cale had the most stories about Link's adventures, and most of them got told two or three times thanks to prompting from Luggard. Of course, Cale only ever seemed to cringe at the memory of traveling with Link. Luggard's urging, especially when it came to hearing about the fight in the Ocean Realm, was starting to get on the crew's nerves.

At one point, the sound of handbells and jingle bells shaken in rhythm caused a majority of the party to shift to the doors overlooking the port. The crew and guests looked down as a carol group began singing to them. The local dialect reflected in the singers' voices entranced the sky-born crew as they sang praises to the Goddesses. Link, standing forefront to the crew, had just begun to ponder the purpose of the upside-down hat that one young man was holding as they started their third song.

Then he saw a glint, and one of the women standing in the back slumped over a second later. And then a man standing to the far left fell into the snow. The group finally scattered screaming in alarm when another woman standing at the front flopped into the snow with a needle visibly protruding from her shoulder. The cargo hold watched for a moment in shocked silence.

Then Link hollered, "Layna!" Layna, wearing a blue airman's tunic over her black outfit, dropped into sight right in front of him. He crossed his arms, and she carefully took a step backwards, an apologetic expression adorning her face before she looked down. "Wanna tell me what you did that for?"

"Link!" Link turned and looked up at the main deck as Leynne leaned over the side. "That was my fault. I made an offhand remahk, and Dubbl mistranslated it to Twali and Layna."

Sniggering sounded from the people in the cargo hold as Link ducked his head to cover his face with a hand. Then he looked back up and said, "Well, get a couple of airmen and go get those people out of the snow before they freeze. Take them down to the engine room; it'll be warmer there."

"Ah. Undehstood," Leynne replied. "Floweh! Lawrence! I need you ashoh!"

"Layna, go help them," Link said as he turned back to address her. But he found that she had already dropped down to the dock. He sighed and mumbled under his breath, "Whatever."

"Goo' or ba'," Luggard said as he subtly raised his cup of beer, "it was funny as 'ell."

"Maybe," Link said as he shooed Cale's and Lilly's makeout session away from the doorway with a hand, "but it still looks bad if we have people passed out nearby."

"Cap'n," Harley said. Then he paused to give Cale a light shove so that he and Lilly would stop kissing and pay attention to where they were walking. "We go' a prob'm."

"Sello set the engine room on fire again?" Link asked in a dull tone.

"No, tha' was las' week," Harley replied, prompting an amused glance from Luggard. "But, uh… I'd keep 'im away from open flame if I was ya."

"Noted," Link said with a nod while Luggard sniggered. "Anything else?"

"Though' ya'd like t' know: Dholit's missin'."

Luggard quickly finished his mouthful of beer with a hard gulp. "It's a Year's End Miracle!" he declared in a creaky voice.

Link, however, pinched the bridge of his nose. "Warn the rest of the crew," he said.

"Aye aye, Cap'n," Harley replied before disappearing back into the crowd.

"Ain' she the one tha' keeps 'arassin' ya?" Luggard asked Link.

"Yep."

Luggard chuckled. "Didn' ya ge' any new crew when ya wen' back up?"

"Ooooh yeah. That just made things worse."

"Hey, Link," Line said as he approached. "Gold says we're outta beer. Permission to go get more?"

Link cast Luggard a wry look before addressing Line. "What about the wine?"

"No one's touching it. Not even Sello."

"Somethin' wron' with it?" Luggard asked.

Line shrugged. "Other than Lidago sitting on the barrel? Not really, no. It isn't even open."

"Did anyone try to open it?" Link asked.

Line opened his mouth to reply. Then he clapped it shut when he realized that Link's question was meant to indicate that someone should actually try opening the barrel rather than wait for one of the partygoers to request it. Instead of saying anything, he turned and walked away. Link and Luggard exchanged a shrug.

The night returned to normal mingling for a little longer. Link found himself introducing members of his crew to Meilont and Talein, Linebeck and Rosaline, and even Zelda, having hitched a ride on the Island Symphony disguised yet again as one of Link's airmen. Needless to say, once Line realized that Zelda was on-board (again), he fainted right in front of her. It probably had not helped that Gold had informed Line that his fly had been open during their re-introduction. Despite Line's trousers lacking a fly. It would go on to be Gold's go-to taunt for the next five years, which was often used to either motivate Line or just piss him off.

Link dismissed himself from the party and went down to the engine room to check on Layna's latest victims. The three had been placed on Sello's beat-up couch while Leynne, Dubbl, and Layna watched over them. Link told them to take their accidental guests to the berthing deck and deposit them in hammocks for their remaining ten hours of unconsciousness. Link then added that they would be allowed to return to the party then.

As he was going back up the stairs, he paused to smell the galley. The banquet they had planned was being tended to by professional chefs "on loan" (Leynne's exact words) from the Hovela Hotel, here just to cook and then hustle back home once things were set up. The amazing combination of meats and bread and even vegetables would be a feast on par with nothing else the crew had tasted before. Link had been hesitant about going to such extremes up until Leynne had made a passing crack at feeding Princess Zelda some beef jerky just so she could enjoy the festivities like the rest of the crew.

Then, when he opened his eyes to survey the galley, he realized that someone had left a crate at the end of the large table they had rented for the banquet. At least he was sure it was a crate. It had been wrapped in bundles of green paper with a long, red ribbon styled into a massive bow on top. Link was about to ask one of the chefs who brought the crate down, but they were so intensely focused on cooking using the Island Symphony's scarce kitchenware and a single stove hidden in the starboard closet that Link was sure he would take a spatula across the face if he interrupted them. So he approached the crate and looked it over for a moment.

"Captain?" Link looked over his shoulder as Zelda, clad in her pink tunic and a pair of pristine white trousers, stepped away from the port staircase. "Oh? I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, not really," Link replied. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, yes," she answered with a smile. "Quite all right. Even if it is six days early, this is one of the most exciting gatherings I have been to. And I wanted to thank you again for allowing me to come."

Link turned completely to her and crossed his arms. "You know, you never did explain how you knew we were coming down here for this party."

Zelda placed her hands behind her back and gave him a coy look. "I have my sources. It is not as if a princess is above checking on the citizens."

"You've been spying on me?" he asked.

Zelda gave a short laugh. "No, Link," she told him. "I know too much of Airman Layna to insult her by having you followed about on a regular basis. At the same time, I do not have only knights and spies to aid me."

Link took a moment to think of whom else the princess could have sent to keep an eye on his crew. He was about to voice his admission of defeat, mouth already open, when he realized that the Royal Family had access to their own fleet of airships. And where there were airmen, there would always be… He put on a flat look and told her, "Your airmen spoke to my airmen."

"Not even that, sadly," Zelda said. "I believe they only had to talk to the proprietor of a tavern on Skyrider Port."

"Oh, you gotta be kidding…" Link groaned, one hand covering his eyes. "You talked to my mom?"

Zelda's face blanked. "Your mother owns the Sail Tavern?"

"Please tell me she didn't say anything else," Link said after sliding his hand down his face.

"Ah—well… no, I do not believe questions of a personal nature were on the agenda," Zelda admitted, now using a hand to hide the grin slowly growing on her face. "However, the airman was under the impression that further prodding would produce part of your childhood." Link gave an irate groan. She leaned to one side to look at his downcast face. "Will your mood improve if I promise not to send them again?"

Link gave a sigh. "Yeah…"

She took a step toward him. "Even if I gained invitation through devious means, I am glad you allowed me to accompany you."

"Well, I did say that you were always welcome," Link said, glancing up at the deckhead. Then he returned her smile. "I'm glad you came, too."

"I think I would like to enjoy more conversation before the guests leave tonight," Zelda said. "Cale has promised to tell me about your adventure in the Sand Realm."

"I didn't know sweating to death counted as an 'adventure'," Link commented.

However, once Zelda turned around, she found her advancement toward the staircase interrupted by someone stomping down the steps. She was right to stop; Meilont, dressed in a long, red, leather jacket and her hair unbound and voluminous, jumped over the last step and turned around.

"Ah sai' stay away from meh!" Meilont shouted, her accent thickened by anger.

"Oh, c'mon!" Line said a second before he appeared out of the staircase. "It was an accident; I slipped!"

"Ah don' care!" Meilont shouted, causing Zelda to slowly step around the side of the staircase just to be sure she was out of the line of fire. "Ah won' beh touched there!"

"Look, I just wanted to be friends!" Line hollered back. "You-you-you'd think that I'd at least get-get some kinda-kinda friendship with all these girls around!"

Link caught onto Line's stuttering, and the red face he bore began to look less like anger. He crossed his arms and snapped before Meilont could release another volley of response, "Airman Line, what the hell are you doing!?"

Link had made his voice as deep and authoritative as possible. This was enough to cause Line to snap to attention and smack himself in the forehead with a salute. Then he relaxed once he saw whom he was responding to. "Damn, Link," he groaned. "You're beginning to sound a lot like Captain Alfonzo. It's creepy."

"Are you drunk?" Link asked.

"No!" Line declared, shaking his head. However, the shaking caused him to wobble where he stood, and he glanced left and right to see if anyone noticed. Zelda placed her fists on her hips and gave him a smug smile while Meilont crossed her arms. He let his head hang and confessed to Link, "Yeah…"

"I talked to you almost twenty minutes ago," Link pointed out. "How many drinks did you have?"

"Half a glass," he replied.

Link raised his eyebrows, having already heard from Leynne that wine was supposed to be more intoxicating than beer, so he asked, "Of wine?"

"No, beer. And, well… Lwamm-Lwamm splashed me in the face with it, really."

"Line, we're trying to have a good night. Why are you getting the girls mad at you?"

"I-I-I just wan' someone to be nice to me!" Line declared. "Is-is it all that bad? We hang-hang around guys all-all day, and I get-get tired of that."

"We've got female crewmen," Link pointed out, his anger dissipating with a wave of concern.

"They all hate me!"

"Because you won't stop stealing their underwear," Link told him, trying not to sound matter-of-fact about it. Then he found himself adding as an aside, "Which is kinda creepy." Zelda and Meilont appeared to agree, having put on confused looks as they continued to stare at Line.

"I'm not ask-asking for much!" Line cried out. "Just-just a touch! Maybe just a hand to hold?"

He paused, and Zelda's own attitude toward him began to mellow with a wave of sympathy. "I suppose it is not too unreasonable…" she commented.

"Right?!" Line asked her. "We-we all have hands! I get slapped and-and punched all the time! Why can't anyone just-just… d-I don't know. Maybe just touch me on the shoulder?"

"We do, occasionally," Link defended. "When you're not being a pain."

"You guys smack my shoulder," Line said. "Just a touch. Maybe someone who wants to place-place a warm, soft hand around my arm?" He sucked in a breath and rubbed his left arm. Link found the sight a little disturbing, but Zelda could only find herself growing a little more sympathetic. And even Meilont's features were softening. "How about someone-someone to rub my back to make me feel better? Or-or maybe give me a hug?"

"Well…" Meilont trailed off, casting her eyes sideways while a tinge of red rose to her face.

Line hugged himself and continued, turning in Meilont's direction, "Do you-you think I've ever felt someone warm hug me? And have her-her soft boobs press against me?"

Link watched both girls' faces turn bright red as shock and embarrassment registered. Line closing his eyes in ecstasy of the thought left him blind to the subsequent flash of rage before him. Without warning, Meilont raised her right foot and swung it into Line's crotch in a violent kick that even Link jumped in reaction to. Line gave a yelp and slowly closed his hands over his groin. He let out a pained wheeze before falling sideways onto the deck.

"Dry up an' die!" Meilont hollered at him, stomping past Link. Zelda's response was less than a huff before she ascended the stairs next to her.

Link hid his grin behind a hand as he stepped forward to examine Line. Then he shook his head. "Heh," he told himself. "That was awesome."

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?" Line asked, his voice reduced to a pathetic squeak.

"Well," Link said, crouching to better look him in the face, "to be honest, you were doing fine until you said the word 'boobs'."

"I hate you…"

"C'mon, get up," Link said as he took Line's arm. He hauled Line to his feet and started him toward the port staircase. "Y'know, if it wasn't for me, you'd probably never have so many girls around you to begin with."

"Your nice-guy shtick makes me sick…"

Link helped Line upstairs and into the berthing deck to rest while he returned to the party. He hoped that what little alcohol Line had consumed will have worn off by the time they all sat down for dinner so he would not make a fool of himself again. He wanted to at least avoid having a table overturned by the next girl who wanted to kick Line in the balls.

He spent another hour chatting with people in the hold, concluded not long after bidding Luggard a good night as the engineer rushed back to the Seventeen. Then Leynne, after returning from seeing to Layna's caroling victims, announced that dinner was nearly ready. He was about to go check on the galley when Link, who had been standing next to the stairs, volunteered to do it for him. Layna followed him down, even though Link tried to shoo her away a couple of times earlier.

When he stepped into the galley, he found the four chefs huddled in between the stairs. One approached Link and told him while wiping his forehead with a rag, "Captain Link, youh banquet is ready, saah."

Link glanced over to see that the table piled with food of all kinds. He could not help drooling as his eyes wandered over the immaculate place settings and fresh, steaming plates and trays of cooking he would probably never see again. And, set up on shorter tables against both the port and starboard bulkheads, he found that they had even arranged their stock of beverages and set out glasses. Meilont was already drawing a glass of juice for herself, having never left the galley since kicking Line.

"It all looks so amazing," Link told them in awe. "Thanks, guys. I really appreciate you doing this, especially on a day like this."

"Well, we have to admit to a cehtain amount of reckless pride on ouh paht," the chef replied.

"I just hope Leynne's arrangement makes up for the inconvenience," Link said.

"Actually, it's a repayment," one of the other chefs spoke up.

"We owe him foh the modifications he made to ouh kitchen," the first chef said. He glanced over the galley. "I have to say, though, that we've been rathah spoiled by ouh new ahrangement. I can't remembah the last time we wohked with only one stove."

"Well, if there's anything we can do for you…" Link told them.

"If you come by Hovela next yeah, we might ahrange foh anothah trade of sehvices," the first chef said, gaining agreement from the other chefs. "Until then, you can find moah of this at the Hovela Hotel."

"We'll remember that," Link said as the chefs started filing up the starboard staircase. "Thanks, guys." Then he realized that Layna had disappeared and glanced over to see her carefully lifting a cherry out of a fruit bowl. He hissed at her and gestured for her to put it back. She gave him a doe-eyed look of woe as she replaced the cherry. Then she waited for Link to turn his attention back to the departing chefs before snatching five cherries from the fruit bowl, leaving the pits cleanly behind. She returned to his side to hide from his sight, but she hardly saw need for it as Zelda and Irleen, descending to the deck behind him, caught his attention. He pointed a thumb and told them, "This is gonna be a pretty great dinner."

"I'M FIHST!"

The shout caused Link, Meilont, Layna, Zelda, and Irleen to direct their attention to the crate that had been mostly ignored for the evening. The lid popped off and disappeared to the side as Dholit jumped up to display her presence. Five sets of eyes stared in shock as Dholit stretched to her full height, revealing to be mostly naked. Her only form of modesty was a large ribbon, matching the bow on the crate lid, wrapped around her chest a few times to at least reveal some cleavage. Zelda and Irleen, reinterpreting Link's comment, turned their eyes on him while Meilont quickly spun away from Dholit in embarrassment. Layna could not stop staring wide-eyed at her.

"DHOLIT!" Link snapped, causing the four girls to jump in surprise. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

"Preparing foh dinnah, My Captain," Dholit told him. She thrust her chest out to one side and licked her lips. "I originally thought a private dinnah would be best. I don't mind if any of these fouh wish to join in; I am stahving, and I'm suah they would love to eat."

Link pointed toward the berthing deck above and shouted at her, "GET DRESSED! NOW!"

"Ah you suah you'd like me to leave this box like this?" Dholit taunted him, sliding a hand up one thigh and hip to reveal a lack of lower garments.

"Do it, or we chuck you overboard in that box!" Link hollered.

"Link," Irleen spoke up, "everyone else is about to come down."

"Oh, crap…" Link groaned. Since Zelda was still standing in front of the port staircase, he moved to the starboard one. "Dholit! Clothes! Now!"

"Oh, well," Dholit lamented as she retrieved a shirt from the bottom of the crate.

"Someone let me know when she's done," Link said as he rushed up the stairs.

Link had to stall for a few minutes while tap-dancing around revealing that Dholit had just done another naked ambush. Once Irleen delivered the word, he invited the rest of his crew and guests down to the galley. There was some chaos as people found a seat, loaded their plate, stood up to get a drink, and argued with someone who had taken their seat. Link sat at the head of the table with the kitchen to his back.

People settled but had yet to actually start eating. Leynne took the opportunity to tap his wine glass with a fork, producing a deep ring that caused the conversations down the table to cease. He then stood up to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you once moh foh attending ouh little gathering this evening. We know that this celebration is a little prematuh foh the season, but Captain Link and myself felt that the crew would like to spend a night togetheh befoh retuhning to theih homes foh propeh celebration with family. As foh ouh guests, we ah delighted that you can join us."

"Wouldn' miss i' fer the worl'!" Lawrence called from the other end of the table.

"Who invited that man?!" Leynne suddenly shouted, pointing down the table. A roar of laughter rose from the table, mostly from the older men in attendance. After the laughter died, Leynne continued, "In all seriousness, it's a delight to see many of you. I was thinking eahlieh…" He looked down to contemplate his glass. "I was thinking eahlieh that… well, most of us would have neveh gotten to know each otheh if it hadn't been foh one factoh affecting all of ouh lives this single yeah: ouh captain. Some of us… some of us just happened to be in his path back home. Othehs tagged along because… well, because he's managed to pehfohm some amazing feats. And then, well…" He cast a look at Link. "Some of us weh just wrestled from seclusion." The few crewmembers who knew Leynne's story sniggered to themselves. "As I recall, it is a tradition around Hovela around this time, in this soht of gathering, to shah with the rest of the table the biggest event of the previous yeah and what we expect from the next yeah. Well. I think we can all agree what the biggest event of the yeah was." He allowed a pause as a general murmur of concurrence rose from the table. "So I think that we should all go around and say what we expect from the yeah to be had. As foh myself, I can see anotheh yeah of dealing with this lunatic crew." He shrugged. "And, to be honest, I cannot see myself anywheh else." A few people started applauding, but Leynne quickly gestured for them to settle down. "My lovely wife," he said to Dubbl, seated next to him, "would you like to continue?"

Dubbl stood up and looked around the table. "I… I not know whe' I be next yea'," she said. "But… I stay with husband Leynne… all way."

"Gonna need some more bandages, Captain," Flower called from the middle of the table. Dubbl shot him a glare as she sat down.

Gold stood next. "Well, uh…" he began, rubbing the black stubble growing on his crown. "Tae tell the truth, I signed on on a whim. I told the Cap'n I wanted tae see what kinda cap'n 'e was. And I go'a say… there ain't no one else I wanna serve under." He raised a glass toward Link. "Yeh got me fer one more year, Cap'n."

"Thanks, Gold," Link said.

Gold sat, and Lilly stood up. "Y'know," she said, "I… really didn't see myself on an airship before all this. But I met all ya folks, I met a boy I really like—" Cale, sitting next to her, started turning scarlet. "—and… now, I just don't think I can do anythin' else. But I'd really likka travel around a lot more. See new places, meet new people… and then come homma my sweetheart." She sat back down and exchanged a quick kiss with Cale. Then he leaned in to get another kiss.

"Hey," Flower snapped.

Pap. "Ow," Cale complained as Flower's smack to his head pried him from the intense kiss he had been sharing with Lilly.

"It's your turn," Flower told him.

"Okay, okay…" Cale said as he rose. He held up a glass as if preparing to give a toast.

Then all color drained from his face once he realized that the whole crew was staring at him. He immediately collapsed back into his seat and then fell backwards from the bench.

Leynne sighed and rubbed his eyebrows with his fingertips. "Public speaking is decidedly not this man's strength…" he remarked in a low voice to Link as Flower and Lilly stood to help Cale up.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Cale told them. "I just… whew! I'm fine."

"Can you go?" Flower asked, indicating the table.

"Yes, of couhse," Cale said, taking a moment to dust himself off. Flower and Lilly returned to their seats, and Cale stood up straight to address the crew. "I-I know I'm not the best aihman, and… well, I've nothing unkind to say about this occupation, but I really rathah wondah if I might suhvive the next yeah. If our mission to find the Sorians succeeds, I find myself ready to retiah from this lifestyle and pehhaps settle down with a univehsity once moah."

Flower stood next. "Well, technically, I don't belong to this crew," he said. "Although that paperwork was straightened out months ago. I know I'll probably die an airman, but I don't know if I'll stay with this ship or not. Don't get me wrong; this crew is a riot. But, uh, there's always that chance."

Talein stood from his seat and planted one boot on it. He hunched low as he said, "I grew up in a town o' lumberjacks who, fer the pas' many years, couldn' do their job. With the wood around Whi'leton returnin' and all, I know right where I'll be: fellin' trees in the mornin', home fer dinner in the evenin'." He leaned over to tousle Meilont's hair. Then he raised his mug of beer toward Link. "Ma wife couldn' make it, but she wanted me ta tell yeh tha' we're lucky yeh dropped in." Some of the crew from the surface raised their glasses in response.

"And," Meilont added as she stood up. "I still hope ta see Irleen when she's back ta normal, Link. Yeh know where ta find me."

"Is she hitting on you?" Irleen whispered to Link.

"Oh, c'mon," Link groaned, "not now."

Lawrence rose, hands on the table to keep himself steady. "I like this ship," he said directly to the table, causing confusion as the rest of the crew questioned why he would not look up. "I love this crew. Don' ma'er if I'm in a coal mine or an engine room. Bu' I don' plan on being—" He cut himself off when his voice cracked. Meilont gave him a curious look. Lawrence cleared his throat and continued, "I jus'… wanted t' say… this is the bes' restauran' I eaten in." He then fell heavily back into his seat while the crew wondered if he was having an emotional moment. Meilont started stroking his arm in sympathy.

Sello was the next to stand, his inebriation indicated by his need to rest a hand on Lidago's shoulder. He looked down the table and said, "I juzd wan'ned ta find a place, build a engine, kiss a keeze, an' go ta sleep. Ah found it, too. Right here." He pointed at his left eye. "I love you guys. All fifty of ya." Some people started counting while the engine room crew tried to smother their amused looks. Sello then raised the wine bottle in his hand, took a long pull from it, and belched loud enough that even Link had to cover his ears. Then he dropped into his seat and—WHAM!—smashed his face into his plate of food.

Lidago rose as Lawrence turned Sello's face out of the sweet potato mash. Lidago's eyes slowly took in the people looking at him. Then he said, "Goron."

"How poetic," Irleen replied in a flat voice as Lidago sat back down. "And horribly predictable."

"Probably was poetic in Goron," Leynne pointed out.

Helo stood up. He looked over the crew in the same way Lidago had. Then he told Lidago with a satisfied nod, "Goron."

"Are you kidding me?!" Irleen hissed.

"I don't get it," Line whispered to Link.

"Quiet, both of you," Link whispered back.

Dholit was also whispering, seemingly in attempt to coordinate Biluf, Lwamm, and Twali. The three Gelto then stood up.

"'Inan nayx fizhubak za'atax May Kyabtin!" they declared together.

"Is that all they'h going to say?" Leynne asked after the trio sat back down.

"Lacking the ability to express themselves in Hylian," Dholit said as she stood up, "they felt the need to keep theih response simple. I, howevah, have some ideas to express."

"We have no doubt," Flower told her.

"Fihst, I know how intolerable I have been," she continued. "I have spread myself so much, I feel that I've intimidated many. I would like to expose myself to new things as much as any woman, Hylian oh Gilto. I am open to almost anything. With those goals in mind, I expect to have taken what I truly prize within the next yeah. And I will blow away all those who stand befoah me."

"Does anyone else feel a little uncomfortable right now?" Line whispered, trying to hunch lower to the table without being obvious.

"And, of couhse, I shall sehvice My Captain as much as he will allow," she concluded before sitting down.

"Well that was tame…" Leynne commented to Link under his breath. Link only nodded as he used a hand to rub his brow and keep from making eye contact with anyone.

"Linebeck," Rosaline said, giving Linebeck a nudge. "Youh tuhn."

"Idonwanna," Linebeck replied in a quiet voice.

"What?"

"Idonwanna."

"Why not?"

Linebeck glanced around. "I'm wearin' tigh's," he told Rosaline.

"What?"

"You pu' me in tights," he hissed. Rosaline gave him a shrug of ignorance, her glare halfway between confused and annoyed. Linebeck glanced to his other side to find Dholit giving him a smug grin. So he turned his shoulders to keep Dholit from watching him gesture to Rosaline.

Rosaline took a moment to watch Linebeck's hands. Then, with an annoyed huff, she stood up. "Me husband don't be talkin' 'cuz he be an idiot," she told the table.

Whap. "Ah-hah!" Linebeck cried out after Dholit smacked what little of his bottom was still exposed on top of the bench. Bam! One knee struck the table, and Talein and Flower grabbed the edge of the table to hold it steady.

Rosaline gave both Linebeck and Dholit an annoyed glare. Then she addressed the table again. "We be happy togeddah," she said without a hint of frustration in her warm tone. "And we be lookin' foh a new challenge foh me to build. Whatevah dot may be." This received a frantic nod from Linebeck.

Eyes then fell on the empty place setting next to Rosaline as Rosaline sat down. Line was certain that someone was sitting between them, although he found himself doubting it since there was a clean plate and no drink. He looked under the table to be sure. Then he pointed to the seat and asked Leynne, who was seated across from him, "Wasn't there someone here?"

"I think it was Layna," Flower said.

"She's probably hidden so she doesn't have to speak," Leynne said with a sigh. "Line, you'll have to be next."

"Are you kidding?" Line asked. "I can't say anything profound like that."

"It doesn't have to be profound," Link told him. "Just say something."

Line stood up and said to the table, "Something."

"Line!" both Leynne and Link snapped at the same time.

"What?"

"Everyone else has done it," Leynne said. "Just tell us what you think might happen next yeah."

"Sello gets drunker and kills us all," Line replied.

"I am a walrus!" Sello hollered from down the table.

"Line!" Link snapped. "C'mon. You're making the princess wait."

Line glanced down as if just realizing that Zelda was sitting next to him. His face turned red, and he cast his eyes up to the deckhead as he said, "Well, that's kinda what we're all expecting. But, me, personally… I don't know. I kinda hope I'd get a girlfriend."

"What kinda girlfriend do you want?" Irleen asked, drawing an annoyed look from Link.

"One that'll actually talk to him?" Flower suggested.

Line's face changed to a sour look as the older airmen started chuckling. Flower was in the middle of sharing a grin with Cale, so he missed watching Line scoop his helping of mash from his plate. He turned back in time to accept a flying mass of orange to the face.

Link gave a sigh. "Line…" he groaned.

"He started it!" Line cried out at Link.

Pat! Line took a small cake to the side of the head. The impact caused the icing to spatter, and a sizeable glob stuck to Rosaline's right temple. No one but Rosaline and Linebeck noticed this, all busy either praising Flower's aiming skills or laughing at Line falling to the deck. Rosaline's shock spread to Linebeck, where it turned to offense. He rose with a dish of pudding and swung it with the intention of dashing it all over Flower. His aim was off; the pudding instead formed a line on Talein's chest while hitting Meilont's cheek, causing her to start. She picked up a pot of pulled pork and flung its contents back at Linebeck, splattering Dholit, Twali, and Rosaline in the process. Lwamm was the one to respond to this, bouncing a fried cucco leg off Meilont's head into Lawrence's left eye. Meanwhile, Line had recovered and thrown the remains of the cake at Flower only for the icing in his eye to cause him to aim at Cale's face instead.

"FOOOOD FIIIIIIIGHT!" Lilly declared with a raspy scream as she rose to fling a plate of pork chops slathered in sauce at Line. Zelda cried out in surprise and slid off her seat to duck behind Link.

All hell then broke loose as Dubbl, Gold, Lilly, Cale, Flower, Talein, Meilont, and Lawrence traded dishes with Line, Rosaline, Linebeck, Dholit, Twali, Lwamm, and Biluf across the table. Irleen quickly disappeared toward the ceiling. Helo and Lidago curled up and rolled themselves out the way just as stray foods began to pelt where they had been sitting. Not everyone was in it because they had been involved in the first few volleys; Dubbl and Gold had joined in out of a fatalistic mindset while Biluf was in it for the giggles, which she enjoyed after dumping a whole boat of gravy over Sello's head. Leynne's attempts to pull Dubbl away were met with two helpings of sweet potato mash and a jelly roll before retreating toward the kitchen with Link and Zelda alone.

"C'mon," Link urged over the rowdy jests and screaming. "C'mon, back here."

"You must be joking!" Leynne declared as he threw his hands up in the air. "I spent two houhs laundering this shiht!"

"Is it always this unruly during a large meal?" Zelda asked through an excited grin.

"It is ratheh difficult to say, Youh Highness," Leynne replied. "This was ouh fihst. And quite possible, ouh last."

"What do we do now?" Link asked him. "Let them fight it out?"

"I suppose," Leynne replied. "We can look on the bright side; if Layna had not disappeahed, theh might've been casualties."

Link pointed a finger at him. "Good idea."

"What, that we slaugheh the crew?"

"No!" both Link and Zelda snapped in annoyance. Leynne gave them a surprised look.

Link then stepped forward and called out, "Layna! Put them to sleep! Hurry!"

It only took a few moments before the chaos was suddenly brought to a halt. At first, people fell one at a time. Once the combatants began to realize that they were falling, it was a single second too late. The fight died once the last few fighters lay face-down on the deck, having only made a single step before Layna's sleeping drug took hold. Link, Zelda, and Leynne were baffled by the fact that Layna had not come into sight once. Link strode forward and moved his overturned chair out of the way to see if she had been hiding under the table.

"On top, Link," Leynne told him. Link glanced over his shoulder, and then he looked up to find Layna crouched on the table near the fruit bowl, the bowl's compliment of cherries in one hand.

"Well?" Zelda asked. "Now what should we do?"

"Well, dinneh is unmitigatedly ruined," Leynne said as Link turned back to them. "Layna's drug takes a few houhs to run its couhse. What it comes down to is… well, this scene." He emphasized these last words with an arm indicating the mess around the table.

"Think there's still a tavern open somewhere?" Link asked.

Leynne pulled out his pocketwatch. "Pehhaps," he said as he checked it. "It's late."

"It'd be better than eating off the floor," Link pointed out. He indicated the stairs with a weak handwave. "Let's go."

"What of them?" Zelda asked, looking down at the unconscious crew and visitors as they walked by.

"They can clean this mess up in the mohning, Youh Highness," Leynne said.

"Layna, you're hungry, too, right?" Link said. Layna jumped off the table and fell into step beside Link, forcing Zelda to move closer to Leynne. "Helo, Lidago? You guys wanna come too?"

"Unless they have rock sirloin, we will stay here," Helo said as they came out of seclusion. "Someone should probably look after the ship anyway."

"Point taken," Link said. "Well, we'll bring you back something if they do have any rock sirloin."

"Thank you, Captain." Both Gorons stepped to the port staircase to watch the quartet ascend to the next deck. Lidago waved as Helo said, "Be safe out there."

"Wait for me!" Irleen hollered, chasing them up the stairs.

…

Tale #13 of the Island Symphony – END

NOTICE: Again, the previous story is not canon. But we suspect that any similar celebration would go about as well. You know, if not worse.