NOTICE: The following is definitely canon. As well as evidence that there are some people who need more than a vacation.

…

Tale #17: The U.S.S. Reluctant at Elysium

Link had spent weeks trying to put in for shore leave for his crew, a process which he had failed to realize was complicated by the Island Symphony's lack of time in service and most of his crew being relatively new to the system. He had had to send a letter to his father asking for help and received a reply telling him that Alfonzo would take care of it. Considering how short a time he had spent waiting for further word, Link had been left with the impression that Alfonzo had stormed the Skyrider Company Headquarters and threatened the admiralty with bodily harm. He would have preferred it if his crew had gotten shore leave on their own merits, but it had seemed that involving his dad had dedicated him to following through with the request no matter how it had been put to the company. Link had sprung for Sagacity Island.

He had gotten Timbre Island instead. He had been certain that Alfonzo had made a mistake somewhere down the line of chewing out the office staff. While his father enjoyed an island which partied all twenty four hours of the day, Link had a number of reasons he did not like going to the island, the more prominent of which had involved a couple of Fair Traveler airmen shoving him into a barrel and sending him rolling down a tall hill. So it did not bother him a bit to remain hidden in his cabin, seeing to a short list of paperwork that probably could have waited a few more days, while Leynne oversaw the crew's leave (and, likely, subsequent escort back to the ship). Since they had not gotten in until the afternoon, most of his crew was enjoying Timbre Island's colorful nightlife. He had made sure to warn them how rough other airmen could be here, but he suspected that things would be reasonably safe with the Gelto around. His only real concern was his engine crew.

Kon kon kon.

The knocking came as a bit of a surprise to Link since Leynne had assured him that he would be taking care of any issues that arose. He set his pen aside and called, "Come in."

The door opened, and Leynne leaned inside. "Captain," he said. "Sello, Lawrence, and Hahley have retuhned."

Link gave a shrug. "Early, but not really unusual," he told Leynne. "Just pour what remains of them into their bunks and have one of the Gorons retrieve Sello."

"I'm afraid the question is not sobriety at this point," Leynne said. "The question is legality."

Confusion flashed across Link's face. "Huh?" Leynne pushed the door open and stepped inside.

And the next person to step inside was a member of the local guard, clad in a blue tabard with a shortsword on his hip. He took position directly in front of Link's desk while two other guards trooped Sello, Lawrence, and Harley into his cabin, all three bound together with shackles and wobbling horribly. Link cleared his throat and grunted to himself, "Uh oh…"

"Captain Link?" the guard asked.

"Kinda wish I wasn't," Link admitted. When the guard failed to crack a smile, Link gave him an apologetic look and said, "Yeah, I'm Captain Link."

"I'm Captain Tanner of the Timbre Island Guard," the guard replied. "I'm sorry to say this, but your men here are gonna have to be confined to your ship for the rest of the evening." He removed a small scroll from a pouch on his belt and offered it to Link. "Here's a list of the charges for your records."

"Ch-charges?" Link asked as he took the scroll. "They didn't hurt anyone, did they?"

"Not severely," Tanner replied. "But suffice it to say that there has been an extraordinary amount of property damage tonight."

"It's only been two houhs," Leynne spoke up as he moved into the doorway to keep a watch on the deck. "What could they have done in that amount of time?"

"We are talking about Sello here," Link reminded him.

"Captain, I'm more concerned with what they were doing before we showed up," Tanner said. "Unfortunately, we don't have many eyewitness accounts of that."

"What do you have eyewitness accounts of?" Leynne asked.

"Well, to start with," Tanner replied, still looking at Link, "they stole a tour cart. We found the driver gagged and tied to his horse, which they gave beer to until drunk."

Leynne and Link exchanged confounded looks before Link addressed his crew, "You guys got a horse drunk?"

"Not 'zactly, Cap'n," Lawrence said. "Da 'orse took me beer. All four times." For emphasis, he held up a hand with all five fingers raised. Harley took notice and used a hand to carefully fold Lawrence's thumb down. "Thanks. 'E was a dirsty 'orse."

"They then modified the tour cart and invited a bunch of drunken airmen to take a ride," Tanner continued.

Link pinched the bridge of his nose. "Guys, please tell me Sello didn't make the modifications," he groaned. "You know he's not supposed to do that."

Lawrence and Harley looked at each other. "Ooooooooooh…" they droned with a realization too long after the fact.

Link sighed. "What did the cart hit?"

"They broke through two bars and a shooting gallery," Tanner said. "They also crashed into the only cucco ranch on the island, smashed the coop. The rancher was pissed, needless to say. Most of the airmen on the cart have broken limbs. They're being treated in a clinic right now."

"Ratheh reckless of them, but not precisely the wohst," Leynne said. "It's too bad about that caht."

"Waderbed…" Sello said seemingly in agreement, giving a solemn nod.

"That was only the incident that caught our attention," Tanner said, glancing at Leynne. He took in a deep breath before addressing Link again. "While the airmen were enjoying their ride in the 'pain wagon', your airmen found a fireworks house and started a rocket battle with each other."

"Dangerous, but not uncommon," Link pointed out. "I got caught in the middle of one years ago. My own coworkers made me wear a barrel over my head while they shot at me."

"Granted, Captain," Tanner said with an acknowledging nod. Then he jerked a thumb at Sello. "Until the orange one got involved."

"Turdle beans," Sello spoke up, a dumb grin on his face.

"Did he set something on fire?" Link asked. "We know he does that."

"He fired a rocket into a bar," Tanner replied. "It would have been fine if it had exploded, but it wouldn't do that."

"Uh—… wha-what did it do?" Link asked.

"According to the bartender, it ricocheted inside his establishment for nearly five minutes. Most of his stock was knocked off the shelves, five patrons have burns, and all three of the chandeliers are mangled beyond recognition. On top of that, the bar itself is on fire in a few places, and no amount of water or blankets will put it out."

"Have, uh… have we mentioned that ouh orange-clad engineeh is also a mad genius?" Leynne asked, his face turned so that shadows obscured the grin on his face.

"Captain, I have seen some chaos in my ten years as a guard here," Tanner said. "But the last thing these nuts did takes the cake."

The comment caused one of Tanner's men to snort and quickly cover his mouth. Both Leynne and Link raised an eyebrow at the man, causing him to fall somber. Then Link told Tanner, "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"While the rocket was tearing up the bar," Tanner continued, "these three went into a game shop and tried their 'special' rockets on the games there. By the time we tracked them there, they and the shop's staff were running. There was an explosion and, well… a large roulette wheel broke through the roof and was sent flying into the air."

Link's face turned completely blank. "What."

Tanner gave a frustrated sigh. "Something inside exploded, and the shop's roulette wheel was fired through the roof and out of sight up into the air."

Link gave a silent stammer for a moment as his eyes moved between Tanner, Leynne, and his engine crew. "Was—uh, was… was anyone hurt?" he finally asked.

"It's hard to say, Captain," Tanner said with another sigh, this time sounding exhausted. "The, uh… the wheel hasn't come back down yet."

"It what?" both Link and Leynne asked in confusion.

"It didn't come back down yet," Tanner repeated. "I have men warning people away from the area; that thing's gonna hit hard when it gets back."

Link glanced at his airmen again to see that Lawrence and Harley were trying their best not to laugh. He heaved a sigh and told Tanner, "Okay, that's a new one…"

"I don't mind telling you I've met some nuts here," Tanner said. Then he jerked a thumb at the engine crew. "What the hell is the matter with these guys?"

"Guys," Link addressed Lawrence and Harley, "you're supposed to be minding Sello's antics, not contributing to them."

Harley put up a hand so he could whisper something to Lawrence. "I think da's wha' 'e jus' said," Lawrence told him.

"These three have been ordered to see the magistrate in the morning," Tanner said. "Which means that your ship can't leave port tomorrow."

Link nodded. "I know the drill," he said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Be prepared to lose these guys. This is some serious damage, much more than the average night. The magistrate is quite likely to order some jail time; it all depends on what all these property owners say."

"Understood," Link said.

"Sergeant," Tanner addressed one of his men, "take 'em out and unlock 'em."

"Leynne, make sure they get below," Link said as his men were taken outside.

"Yes, sih," Leynne replied. However, once Tanner had exited, he glanced outside and put on a disappointed look. "Uh… Captain?"

"Yeah?"

Leynne stepped back inside the cabin and held the door open wide. "I'm afraid this night isn't oveh yet."

Link was about to ask what he meant when another of the local guard stepped inside, this man much more muscular than Tanner with a tabard that looked like it had been torn completely in half and sewn back together at one point. He came to a stop in front of Link's desk. Then more guards, about seven, carefully trooped inside, followed by Lwamm, Twali, Dubbl, Biluf, Dholit, and Layna, all chained together. Link watched Leynne hide his eyes behind a hand.

"Captain Link?" the guard in front of his desk asked.

"Unfortunately," Link replied with a groan.

"Captain Ralph of the local guard. Am I to understand that these women are part of your crew?"

Link glanced around Ralph as if to double-check his crew's identities. Dholit replied with a smile and a handwave. Biluf forced Dholit's hand back down to her side. Link pushed aside the forms he had been working on so that they were not in the way if he felt the need to bang his head on the desk. "Yeah," he admitted.

"I'm sorry to say that they're confined to your ship for the rest of the night," Ralph told him. He removed a piece of parchment from his belt and placed it on Link's desk. "These are the charges."

"Dholit…" Link groaned. He sat up a little straighter and said, "What have I told you about playing nice with other companies' airmen?"

"Only one limb peh opponent," Dholit replied. One of the guards near her snorted and quickly slapped a hand over his mouth in horror.

"Waba nugthya'ak, 'anki, to," Dubbl told Dholit.

"Wamatikak soycilux, 'inax?" Lwamm spoke up, sounding annoyed.

"Oh, ye—do some of these ladies not understand Hylian?" Ralph asked, his tone impatient while he jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

Link opened his hands in an apologetic gesture. "We're trying," he said.

"Try harder, Captain."

"Wha-what'd they do?"

"They assaulted seven bars."

Link and Leynne exchanged bewildered looks. "As in," Leynne asked, "they physically attacked the buildings themselves, oh they assaulted the patrons?"

"Let me put it this way," Ralph told him. "They assaulted seven bars' worth of people."

"Oh," Leynne grunted. "I'd ratheh it had gone unanswehed…"

Link started rubbing his eyebrows as he explained, "We've had this sort of thing happen before. They like to try unwinding in bars, but Lwamm and Twali always seem to attract the guys who like to touch them. Quite frankly, you do not touch Gelto without permission. And if you get one fighting, the rest join in. They've agreed not to kill anyone in the process, but they still get offended easily."

"I've had my younger moments, too," Ralph said. "But their fight spilled into seven different bars!"

Link shrugged. "They build the bars close here."

"It's a wondeh Sello did not light up half of the island," Leynne added before glancing out the door.

"It wasn't just patrons, either," Ralph continued. "Bar staff, business owners, passers-by… even some of my own men are lying in cots drooling into buckets right now."

Link leaned aside and asked, "You girls beat up the local guard?"

"Well, it was such madness," Dholit responded with a wide smile, "who can tell men apaht?"

"And that one won't stop trying to seduce my men!" Ralph snapped, pointing a finger at Dholit. "I have never known a woman to be so immoral under arrest!"

"Hahdly a condition of heh behavioh," Leynne commented. "She acts like that all the time."

"Oh, Leynne, you flatteh me so," Dholit giggled.

"Nway nadbikwilak, Dholit," Dubbl spoke up, giving Dholit an annoyed look.

Link rubbed a bout of exhaustion out of his eyes. "Anything else, Captain?" he asked.

"Just expect them to be jailed for this," Ralph told him. "This is a serious violation of the law. These women are lucky they didn't kill anyone."

"Well, if they had, you'd likely neveh find them," Leynne said. Ralph aimed a glare at Leynne.

"They'll be at the magistrate's office tomorrow morning," Link said before a sour word could get out between them.

"All right," Ralph said. He turned to his men and said, "Take them outside and take the chains off."

"Aaaaw," Dholit moaned with a smile on her face as they were directed back onto the weather deck. "But I like the chains."

"Dholit…" Leynne and Link moaned at the same time.

Just as Ralph trailed the line of guards and Gelto out the door, someone else entered. "Excuse me," the burly man said as he stopped in front of Leynne. "Are you Captain Link?"

"To my fohtune, no," Leynne replied. He indicated Link with a hand. "The young man at the desk can help you."

The man, a guard as indicated by his tabard, stepped in front of Link's desk. "Where can I find Captain Link, boy?" he asked in an impatient tone.

Link gave him a flat look as he said, "In front of you at about arm's length."

The guard frowned at him. "You?"

"It hasn't been easy for me, either," Link told him.

The guard unslung a bundle from his shoulder and held it up for Link to see. "Does this belong to you?" he asked. The bundle only looked like a bundle because it was Line wrapped up to his neck in a bedsheet with coils of rope around his chest and a handkerchief tied over his mouth. He gave a moan, his eyes indicating helplessness.

Link sighed and collapsed against the back of his chair. "Will you put him in a kennel if I say 'no'?"

The guard removed a piece of parchment from his belt. "The charges, Captain."

"How original…" Leynne moaned as he peered outside.

Link decided to pick up this list and look it over. "Breaking and entering… theft… aaaaaand… 'public lewdness'?" At the last one, he looked up at the guard.

"He was caught breaking into a… women's dressing room and stealing their panties," the guard told them.

"And the public lewdness?" Leynne asked.

"He was displaying underwear in public," the guard said. "He was… wearing the panties on his head."

"But… they're not his," Link pointed out. "And they were on his head."

"That's what I told the magistrate. But he told me a pervert's a pervert."

"Point taken," Link said. Then he asked Line, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Mmmf mf," Line replied.

"He'll be at the magistrate's in the morning," Link said with a resigned sigh. "Just… take him out and let my crew cut him loose."

"Can do, Captain," the guard said. He slung Line over one shoulder again and left Link's cabin.

Leynne watched the guard step out. Then Link saw his jaw open. "Don't tell me," Link quickly spoke up. "Flower and Gold just came back in chains."

"No, they retuhned only moments befoh," Leynne answered. "It's Cale and Lilly this time."

Link just blinked at him for a moment. "What?" he asked in genuine confusion.

Leynne signaled for someone to enter as he said, "Next, please. While the captain's still sane."

Cale and Lilly entered (without shackles, to the smallest of relief to Link), followed by a single local guard. The guard glanced in Link's direction. "Stand over there," he told Cale and Lilly, pointing at the wall in front of Link's desk. Then he stepped up to the desk and asked, "Captain Link?"

"Sir," Link replied with a nod.

"These two are being confined to your ship on the local magistrate's order," he said. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and dropped it on Link's desk. "This is a note with the charges. We're out of forms."

"Chahges?" Leynne asked. He pointed at the couple. "These two?"

"Charges for what?" Link asked as he unfolded the note. Then he read the note. "Public lewdness and inciting public lewdness?"

"They started making out at an indoor theater, and the rest of the viewers…" The guard, a young man who must have been just a few years younger than Leynne, suddenly took interest in the map table nearby. "… Well, the rest of the viewers started getting… friendlier."

"Friendlieh in… what manneh?" Leynne asked.

The guard cleared his throat. "Well, nothing explicitly grotesque took place, but some of the other patrons were completely naked by the time we showed up. The naked ones cited these two as the… reason they were in the mood."

"What mood?" Link asked. He heard a smack and saw Leynne with a hand over his face. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Insect, Captain," Leynne replied.

Link glanced past the guard to see both Cale and Lilly looking down at the deck, their faces visibly reddened in the cabin's substandard light. "Were they naked or something?" Link asked.

"No, but the magistrate seemed to think the charge was appropriate," the guard said. "He was pretty pissed when I showed up. I guess he's been having to deal with some troublemaker airmen all evening."

Leynne snorted and slipped his hand over his mouth in an attempt to maintain a dignified air. Link shot him an irritated look before saying, "We'll bring them by the magistrate's office tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Captain," the guard said before leaving.

"Why don't you two finish youh exchange below deck," Leynne suggested, waving them to the door with one hand. Neither one spoke as they made a swift exit.

Link placed his elbows on the desk and leaned forward so he could rake his fingers through his thick hair. "I was worried something like this was gonna happen…" he groaned.

"Shall I infohm the second shift that they may now go ashoh?" Leynne asked.

"Why not?" Link said, his voice edged with sarcasm. "Maybe they'll take out the magistrate's house, and we can get out of here tomorrow morning."

"I would expect sending Sello back ashoh might help the odds," Leynne commented.

Link was giving the idea serious contemplation when someone knocked on the open door's frame. "Excuse me," a young woman said as she leaned inside. "I'm looking for Captain Link."

Link pressed his hands together into a large fist and slammed it on the table. "Who did it this time?" he asked with a groan.

"We haven't any moh crew ashoh," Leynne pointed out.

"Uh… I-I'm not the guard," the woman said as she stepped in. "I'm Levi, assistant to Magistrate Brady. This is the Island Symphony, correct?"

"It just had to be," Link said as he looked up.

The woman, wearing a long, button-up shirt over a pair of pajama bottoms, stepped up to Link's desk and laid a piece of parchment down. "This is an official summons to the magistrate's office," she explained. "It has come to the attention of Magistrate Brady multiple times tonight that there have been a number of incidents caused by airmen claiming to be from your ship. At least ten charges have been filed against some of your crew as a result of four separate incidents. The magistrate is considerably dumbfounded and irked by this and would like to address the issue with you, their commander."

"Oh, no…" Link groaned, pressing a hand over his eyes. He gave a resigned sigh and said, "Okay, I'll be there at the magistrate's office with my crew tomorrow."

"Actually, Captain, the summons is for tonight."

"Uh oh," Leynne grunted.

"I-I can't do this tonight!" Link cried out. He slapped a hand on the nearby stack of papers. "I'm trying to catch up on paperwork!"

"Captain, it's either this, or you are charged with failure to comply," the assistant told him.

Link growled as he stood up. "Leynne, you have the ship," he said as he slowly started trudging out the door behind the assistant. "Why is it I'm an airship captain, and the crew still gets me in trouble?"

…

Link stayed at the magistrate's office the entire evening, trying to make amends for each infraction at a rate of at least one per hour. By the time he had returned, it was well after sunrise. Link was haggard and disheveled, his hair curling in five different directions, his tunic and trousers wrinkled from being wrung out in anxiety.

The first to spot him was Flower, whose smile quickly faded upon realizing that his captain looked substantially unhappy. "Good morning, Captain," he said in a manner that intoned "what the hell happened to you last night?".

"Pipe up the crew," Link told him.

"Uh… yes, sir," Flower replied. He cupped his hands over his mouth to shout across the deck, "All hands on deck!"

The call echoed throughout the ship as Link's modest crew of eighteen roused themselves up from varying states of sleep. In only a few moments, a line of seventeen faced the island on the port side of the ship while Leynne hovered near the port main-mast.

Link gave the crew a long, tired glance. Then he stepped to the middle of the deck and addressed them. "It's not every day that I have to get called before a magistrate because my crew causes chaos," he told them. "I sat through the whole night listening to the magistrate's opinion on the number of stupid things this crew did. The highlights include destruction of property, fighting, and public lewdness, which had to be defined for me for each charge. This is in addition to the rampant drunkenness, perversion, and lack of discretion that no one realizes comes with being even remotely involved with this crew. Over five hundred people were injured in last night's hijinks. Fortunately, no one died. But the magistrate…" He held a hand level to his forehead. "… has had it up to here with our shenanigans. About our only saving grace is the fact the magistrate thinks you're all too insane to lock away. So, starting noon today, the Island Symphony and her crew are to be expelled from Timbre Island and barred from disembarkation here for six months. The magistrate thought you all were rude, psychotic, oversexed, and just outright stupid.

"And I. Am. Grateful!" The final word was released with an incredible sigh of relief while Link hunched forward. The crew shifted, unsure why he was happy about being banned. "I've been trying to avoid this stupid island all year, and my dad sends me?! How do you avoid that!? I mean, for crying out loud! This stupid island accounts for nearly a quarter of the misery I had to put up with as an airman! I'd sooner run the ship aground on Rake Island than have to come back to this rotten place!"

For a while, no one said anything. Some were suppressing smiles while others were still confused as to why Link thought this was good news. Finally, Leynne had to ask, "Will theh be anything else, Captain?"

Link stood up straight and crossed his arms, looking pleased with his crew. "No, I think that'll cover it for now," he said to Leynne. "Lieutenant Leynne, at your earliest convenience, get us the hell outta here. Everyone is to remain on the regular duty schedule without changes." He glanced up toward the sun. "I'm going to go either take a nap or shoot myself. Lieutenant, you're in charge." With that, Link skipped across the deck toward his cabin with everyone looking on in confoundment.

…

Tale #17 of the Island Symphony – END

NOTICE: Records of the events above can be found in the library at both Sagacity and Silent Islands, firmly adding this story to canon. It is also worth noting that, after about two months, the guy running the betting pool on when that roulette wheel would fall decided to end the game; no one was betting that the wheel would come back anymore. To this day, no one knows where the wheel went.