Tales of the Island Symphony

by Light Onthemayo

With Cunimincus and his demonic crew gone, the search is on again for Irleen's home. The following stories have NOTHING to do with that search. This is a series featuring the crew of the Island Symphony at their looniest (mostly), detailing events that may or may not have happened during and after Sky Lines.

24. We Wish You a Merry Not-Christmas II

NOTICE: While being a supplemental story to Tale #13, the following is not canon.

…

Tale #24: "We Wish You a Merry Not-Christmas II: What Were We Thinking?"

"Link, we've come to a decision."

Link, having been in the middle of paperwork when some of the crew filed into his cabin, glanced up at the serious tone in Line's voice. His expression was blank, having not yet decided how he should respond to Line or the members of his crew standing behind him. "Uuuuuuuuuh," he droned for a moment. "G-Good for you?"

"We're gonna hit you with a board."

Link felt like he was at the pinnacle of confusion, unable to make it any more apparent to his crew that he did not understand what was happening. "W-why am I gonna get hit with a board?" he asked in a flat tone.

"We want a new year party."

Link raised an eyebrow, his confusion breaking into annoyance. "Right," he said. "After the last one?"

"Yeah," Line answered.

"The one where I had Layna put you all to sleep?" Link asked. "I'm sure Layna remembers that."

"Ay'a, May—"

"Yikes!" Link cried out, jumping sideways upon realizing that Layna was standing over his left shoulder. He heaved a sigh to calm himself. "Thanks for the warning."

"Ay'a, May Kyabtin."

"Why does this decision involve hitting me with a board?" Link asked Line.

"We have to," Line replied. "This is a mutiny."

Link glanced at the crew standing behind Line. Dholit (no surprise), Cale, Flower, Sello, Gold, Twali, Lawrence, Lilly, Sello, Dubbl, Lwamm, Harley, Leynne, and Sello. He shook his head in confusion when he realized that he had somehow counted Sello three times. Then he looked at Leynne. "Et tu, Leynne?" he asked.

Leynne shrugged. "They offehed a bribe," he replied.

"We gave 'em five rupees and let him be captain," Flower spoke up.

"I have a ratheh hilariously small price," Leynne said.

"The five rupees, or my ship?" Link asked in annoyance.

"Hey, it was better than what we offered Layna to hit you with the board," Line griped.

"And what was that?" Link asked with a sarcastic edge. "Three rupees and a new board?"

Then Line's statement registered, causing Link to change expressions. "Wait, what!?"

Plonk!

…

When Link woke up, his head pounded like someone was hitting him with a brick. Groggy to the point of seeing double, he rolled to the edge of his bed and sat up.

"Tān kanùctīhu, Līnca?" Link glanced up to find Irleen hovering over her bed. She giggled at him. "Rìláh tanì katápì."

"Ugh," was Link's only response as he stood up. He reached to the gems sitting on the edge of his desk and simply gripped them in his hands. "Wha'd you say?" he asked.

"I said you look like hell," Irleen replied.

Link grunted and ran a hand through his hair. Then he flinched upon finding a sore spot near the crown of his head. He gave a hiss of pain before telling Irleen, "Well, what do you expect? They—she hit me on the head!"

"What, are you mad that Layna hit you? Rather than, maybe… being the victim of a mutiny?"

"I'm not sure what I should be mad at," Link replied. One hand gingerly tapped the sore spot on his head. "We need a doctor…"

"You're over a year from when you used to come back to the ship bloody, beat-up, and dragging your ass across the deck, and now you think we need a doctor?"

"S'not my fault the home office doesn't think we qualify for one," Link replied in an annoyed tone. "Would you just tell me how long I've been out?"

"An hour."

Link glanced out the rear window. "It doesn't look like we've moved."

"Yeah, well, from the sound of things for the past hour…" Link glanced back at her to see her sway from side to side. "I think they had this planned."

Link pocketed her translating gem and stepped over to his footlocker. "I hope they planned on stopping me," he commented as he started pulling on some of his gear.

"Wait, where are you going?" Irleen asked, arcing into a hover over Link's head to watch him.

"To the main office," Link said.

"How come?"

Link finished fastening his sword to his waist and closed the footlocker. "I have to report this," he explained in an even tone. "This is a mutiny."

"On, come on, Link, you aren't taking it that seriously, are you?" Irleen said as she descended to eye level with him. "It was all in good fun; they don't really mean to… you know, actually mutiny against you."

"They hit me with a board," Link pointed out, one finger indicating the sore spot on his head.

"What's the sword for?"

"Just in case they try it again."

"Linklinklinkwaitasecond!" Irleen hollered as she moved to block Link from exiting the cabin. She was not fast enough and received a blast of cold air as Link ripped the door open.

And he froze. Then he slammed the door shut. He gave the door a concentrating glare as his mind tried to resolve the confusing scene outside. He glanced out the windows at the back of his cabin again. He did not believe that they were on the surface; it took longer than an hour to descend. So how was what he saw outside even possible? He concluded that what he had seen was not real, that it was a hallucination from being clocked with a board. So, he ripped the door open again.

Nope, the snowman was still there.

Against all Link knew about life in the sky, someone had built a snowman and left it sitting in front of Link's door just outside the overhanging area of the quarterdeck above. Someone had given it twigs for arms and two large rigging nuts for eyes. A short screwdriver had been planted in its face to serve as a nose. Someone had added small pieces of coal to create a smile and a couple of buttons on the middle ball. Link's hat sat on its head. And a large rigging bolt had been planted in the middle of the bottom ball with the head buried in the snow so that the shank pointed outward. Link stood in the doorway in silence, halfway livid upon being reminded of the immaturity of his crew and halfway confounded by the fact that, as far as he was concerned, it was impossible for snow to exist in the sky kingdom.

Irleen, having fluttered up beside Link's head, vocalized the former of the two states. "Okay, it's time to go kill the bunch of pervs."

Link marched past the snowman, snatching his hat off with one, angry swipe. No one else appeared to be watching the ship, the deck completely deserted save the underdressed airman of frozen childhood fun. Link contemplated pulling his sword and beheading the snowman out of frustration. Instead, he stepped to the port side to see if any of his crew were nearby. He discovered the biggest change in the past hour. The Island Symphony was not at Skyrider Port anymore; at full sail, the ship was capable of traversing the Outer Arc Line to Castle Island in less than an hour.

A Castle Island covered in a thick layer of snow. Which only answered a single question and opened up a thousand more.

"Yyyyyyeah, that's, uh…" Irleen uttered. "That's gonna require some more explanation."

Link glanced at the light dusting of snow along the port side of the deck and the bulwark. "Why do I have a feeling that my crew did this?" he asked in a dreading voice.

"You mean besides the fact they're all missing?"

Link shot Irleen a tired look before approaching the gangplank. A thick, grey cloud seemed to hang over the port for as far as the eye could see. Snow was actually falling all around; Link could almost see a line where snowfall ended just beyond the reach of the overhanging dock, leaving only the port-facing edges of docked airships lightly covered in snow. He also observed how empty the dock looked. The crews of the closer airships were sweeping or mopping off their weather decks. In a similar manner, street sweepers were following up in the trails of the horse-drawn cleaning carts with brooms, shoving snow over the edge of the docks. Link was glad that the gangplank had hand ropes because he slipped a couple times trying to set foot on the island.

Link decided that the best way to find his crew was to follow the cloud. He reasoned that, similar to his adventure in the Forest Realm, if the source of the cloud came from somewhere on the island, that would be where the cloud was thickest. He leaped onto a nearby warehouse with Irleen following to determine the right spot to look. And, from there, he realized that the logic had a bonus: it appeared to him that, where the cloud was the thickest, so was the snowfall. It indicated an area almost directly south of where the Island Symphony was moored, a cluster of warehouses hid behind a thick curtain of grey underneath an almost black cloud.

So, Link descended to the ground and trudged through snow that slowly thickened the closer he came. While the street sweepers were keen on making the main roads and the docks safe, the backroads through the warehouses had not been touched. Link could only guess at how well the snow would melt away since the sky kingdom was considerably colder than the surface. At one point, he decided to put his hat on, giving Irleen the opportunity to ride on Link's head in relative comfort.

By the time he found the source of the snow, he was walking through snow up as high as his waist. There was only one warehouse where the snow had been at least cleared so that it had not built up so high, although this left a wall of snow as high as Link's head. Someone had had the sense to dig open a hole. On the other side, there was evidence that something had been happening, although Link was not particularly clear on what. All he saw was that, under a fresh layer, some of the snow had been disturbed. Strange shapes had been dug in the snow here and there, some of them the full size of any one of his crew. Others looked like shallow furrows in many different directions, although they mainly decorated either side of the cleared walkway between the entrance in the snow and the front door of the warehouse. No one stood outside now, but Link could hear large amounts of chattering from inside the open door of the warehouse.

When Link stepped inside, he was hit with a burst of warm air that stung his eyes. He had to blink for a moment. Then he saw that the warehouse, clear of any sort of stored goods or equipment, was populated by tables of food, punchbowls and barrels, and his crew among…

Link had to blink again to make sure that he was seeing people he knew lived on the surface. In addition to his crew, he spotted Luggard and his family, Meilont and her mother, a number of Gelto he did not recognize, a pair of Yook whom he took to be Kohg and his wife Mohk, Linebeck (who was in the middle of having Rosaline drag him across the room by his ear), and Valley. This was in addition to a number of crewmen he recognized from the Grand Sails, meaning that his parents might be in the crowd somewhere.

Link had to admit that his eagerness to call out his crew had waned. Everyone looked like they were having a good time, and he felt that berating his crew would just ruin that. So, he stepped further into the warehouse. "Layna?" he asked in a normal voice that could not possibly carry over the chatter. "Are you here?"

"Ay'a, May Kyabtin," came a response from behind.

Link had steeled himself, fully expecting her to sneak up behind him again. He turned to her and asked, "Can you ask Leynne to come here? And… well, do you still have to board you hit me with?"

"Ay'a, May Kyabtin," Layna replied, producing the board from behind her back.

"Good. I want you to smack Line with it just like you did to me."

Layna nodded. "Ay'a, May Kyabtin." However, instead of jumping out of sight again, she strode past Link and vanished into the crowd.

After a few minutes of waiting, Leynne emerged and strode toward Link. "Good mohning, Captain," he said with a weak smile.

"For the record," Link told him, "if you guys ever do that to me again, I will report it to the company."

"But he isn't mad," Irleen said as her light emerged from the front of Link's hat.

"Duly noted," Leynne said.

Link gave a sigh. "Everyone looks like they're having a good time, so I'll just let it slide for now. But I do have a couple of questions."

"Hey, wait a minute," Irleen said as she fluttered out of the hat. "Isn't that that Yook couple that helped us out?"

"Yes, it is," Leynne said. He addressed Link, "With reluctance, I must admit that ouh… 'mutiny' was not as spontaneous as may have been pehceived."

"So, you did have this planned?" Link asked.

"About two weeks ago," Leynne said. "I contacted Captains Alfonzo and Luke and asked if they might lend us a hand with ahranging this pahty. They extended ouh invitations to ouh acquaintances below and provided transpoht back to Castle Island."

"For a new year party six days before the new year?" Link asked.

"Yes, well, uhfohtunately, theh was a miscommunication during the ahrangements. The captains brought them up too soon. We had intended to suhprise you, but… well, we foolishly decided to agree to Line's plan of knocking you out."

Link nodded. "Yeah, I've already taken care of that."

"Eye for an eye," Irleen chirped.

"Is that why I see more airmen than I actually have?" Link asked.

"Well, I only thought it faih to invite them as well," Leynne said. "We had to send foh youh motheh; she took a separate ship heh."

Link nodded again, this time with understanding. "Okay, that answers one of my questions."

"And… the next?" Leynne asked.

"Why the hell is there snow outside?"

"Ah. Right, that should've been obvious," Leynne said. He used a hand to indicate the party. "If you will accompany me."

"Is this supposed to be an answer?" Irleen asked as she followed Leynne and Link.

"In this instance, it might provide some clarity," Leynne responded. "You see, when the visitohs ahrived, theh was some remahks about the lack of appropriate atmospheh around the poht. Afteh all, it isn't as if snow is even a rarity this high in the sky."

"There's only ever been one storm up here," Irleen commented.

"Yes, this was pointed out numerous times," Leynne said as he stepped ahead of Link to part the crowd. "Uhfohtunately, we could not exactly wait foh the appropriate weatheh to strike, noh could we expect the crews of the Grand Sails and the Summeh Breeze to simply load down theih ships with snow foh use up heh. I'm afraid we've had to break one of youh cahdinal rules foh behavioh while on shoh leave."

Link could not decide which rule that was, having had to modify them in order to accommodate his crew's unprecedented antics a couple times during the previous year. So, he took a guess and asked, "The Gelto are only allowed to break one limb on each person?"

"Uh… no," Leynne replied, dumbfounded.

"Are you serious, Link?" Irleen asked. "What do the Gelto and breaking limbs have to do with snow up here!? You might as well guess it was your 'Cale and Lilly don't make out in theaters' rule; that would make about as much sense!"

"Though, I must admit," Leynne spoke up, "that rule is ratheh restrictive, considering the pehsonal natuh it intehfehs with."

"Isn't very personal when I get yelled at over a bunch of naked people," Link argued. "So what rule did you break?"

Leynne finally stepped aside and invited Link to observe with one hand. "That Sello not be allowed to build, modify, oh othehwise touch machinery," he explained.

Before Link was… something. He could not decide what to call it. Its basic shape looked like a furnace: metal body, grate covering a firebox, a duct to keep the resulting smoke from spilling into the room. And then there was a tower of stockpots that had been horribly welded together to form an extra stack off the top of the furnace; what must have amounted to five ship-lengths of zigzagging copper tubing which had been adorned with a crude, wooden sign; a pair of pants bolted to the side of the firebox in a way that made them flare outwards every few seconds; and a spare water tank from a galleon covered in dents and scratches as if someone had pummeled it with a sledgehammer. The sign read:

—du not ball faster

—armadopey

—box it in my scoobers

—¡I AM SELLO¡

Link just stared for a moment. Then he said with a flat voice, "Yes. Clearly, you are paying for this. You diabolical man."

"What's the sign for?" Irleen asked.

"Well, we weh trying to prevent people from accidently touching the pipes," Leynne explained. "Unfohtunately, Sello has taken umbrage to the notion that people must be wahned away from hot and dangerous objects and threw away ouh original sign. We allowed him to make the sign as a compromise. Obviously enough, Sello's constant state of intoxication has only made the message incomprehensible."

"Does it help?" Link asked.

"In its own, strange way, I suppose," Leynne said as he admired the sign. "While its message may be muddled, it would seem that anyone with at least a passing knowledge of Sello can readily identify his unique brand of insane ranting. It seems to be enough to wahn people away; we've only had two incidents."

Link shrugged. "Whatever works, I guess." He glanced back toward the guests. "So, who did you bribe to take care of the food this year?"

"Actually, we ah utilizing paht of the cooking staff from the castle," Leynne said. "Princess Zelda would not allow me to do othehwise."

"Zelda?!" Link snapped.

"Is she here?" Irleen asked.

"She's due to arrive at any moment," Leynne said. Then he looked at Link. "Does that suhprise you? She did accompany us to the suhface last yeah."

"After all the crap that happened?" Link asked. "I did mention that before, didn't I? I may still be concussed."

"Yes, you had brought it up befoh the mutiny," Leynne said with a nod. "I have voiced my own concehns with exposing heh highness to a combined crew of misfits and morons. Howeveh, I am afraid that the princess has the last wohd."

"Sure sounds like Zelda," Irleen said, her tone sporting the impression of a smart grin.

Link heaved a sigh and rubbed his eyes with a hand. "Yeah…"

…

In lieu of reaming out his crew once again, Link used the vast opportunity to socialize with others just to avoid his crew. It was not easy; alcohol was available, and a couple male members of his crew tried insisting on escorting him around as he talked with some of the surface dwellers. He eventually pawned a buzzed Flower off on Gold, who introduced him to some of the crew of the S.E.S. Goddess's Tides. Lawrence, who appeared to have been much more inebriated than Flower, eventually became bored listening to Link talk to Kohg and wandered away. By comparison, Link did not mind Lidago following him around since Lidago was otherwise huddled in one corner of the warehouse using his crack pipe to seal holes in the foundation. It was not Link's intention to lose him, but, between the height difference and the thick group, Lidago disappeared from sight after only a few minutes.

That was not to say that he did not check up on his crew. The Gelto were at least behaving; although Link could not find Layna, he at least made certain Dholit was still somewhere public and fully clothed. It appeared that the crew of the Grand Sails had learned from the wedding a few months previous; there were only two airmen unconscious underneath the banquet tables. Other than the crewmen that had followed him around, Link made sure that the rest of his crew was accounted for. Sello was somewhat tame, although Link had only caught him prattling to a turkey leg he was eating and accusing one of the Grand Sails engineers of chewing with his dorsal fin clenched. To everyone's fortune, his father's crew was already familiar with Sello's ludicrous behavior, leaving Sello's face un-punched (assuming the engineer was capable of it after burning through his energy laughing at Sello's idiotic declaration). Sello was under the watchful eyes of Harley (for those definitions of "watchful" which included sharing Sello's lengthy and colorful service with people who took even a slight interest in the drunk maniac). Cale and Lilly, mingling with others side-by-side, appeared to have checked their romantic tendencies for the present. He last saw Helo filling Valley in on the previous year, which included details of the events that had led the crew being banned from Timbre Island. To Link's mild astonishment, Valley was actually jotting these details down in a journal.

At one point, while he was perusing the banquet tables for a quick snack, he felt a heavy slap on his back that nearly slammed his head against the table. "Hey, boy!" the hand's owner bellowed in greeting.

Link placed his hand on the table as if it would save him from hitting his head five seconds after he had recovered. Then he told around and said with a groan, "Hi, Dad…"

Captain Alfonzo stood with Lady Leeta holding one arm, both of them wearing glowing smiles. Then Alfonzo's face faded into a neutral look as he said, "I heard your ship got banned from Timbre Island. What happened?"

Link quickly snatched a cookie off the table. "C'mon, Dad, you've met my crew," Link replied with an incredulous tone, his empty hand gesturing in the direction of Sello's snow machine. "They got their shore leave, and they… well, they behaved like themselves."

"Well, it's Timbre Island," Alfonzo argued. "They have barfights every day of the week."

"Well, what a coincidence," Link said with a smart tone. "That's how many bars they beat up that night!"

Both Alfonzo's and Leeta's faces turned into blank surprise. "As in… they beat up the actual building, or that's how many bargoers they beat up?"

"The bargoers, Dad."

"Oh." He shrugged. "Seems respectable."

"Al," Leeta complained.

"What?" Alfonzo replied in a defensive tone, a half-smile on his face. "That's what the island guard are for."

"They beat up the guard, too, Dad…" Link groaned.

Alfonzo looked taken aback. "Oh."

"Don't the Gelto understand that they can't slug a guy just because they touch them?" Leeta asked.

"What makes you think it was them?" Alfonzo asked. "How come you don't think it was his boys?"

"Because it was the Gelto," Link answered.

"Al, I've seen them in a barfight," Leeta said, poking Alfonzo's bicep. "Once one gets going, they all knock out teeth. They gave Gale a black eye the last time it happened."

"Still," Alfonzo said. "I mean, it isn't as if that was the only reason you were banned from the island."

"You're right, it wasn't," Link said.

The phrase hung in the air for a moment. And then Alfonzo realized that there was more to the story and asked, "Wai—what else happened?"

Link held up his free hand and counted up as he listed, "They caused a whole theater to take of their clothes and make out, they stole women's underwear, they set a bar on fire, they got a horse drunk, they crashed a cart through two more bars, and they fired a roulette wheel through the roof of a game shop."

Alfonzo and Leeta could only stare at Link for a moment, allowing Link to finally stuff the cookie into his mouth. Then Leeta said, "Line didn't tell me the part about stealing women's underwear."

Link had to swallow hard so that he could reply, "Yeah, well, he was the one who did it. They arrested him for theft and public lewdness."

"Wait, you're saying he was running around in women's underwear?" Alfonzo asked.

"Yeah. On his head."

Alfonzo and Leeta exchanged looks. "How is that public lewdness?" Leeta asked.

"I don't know. They just nailed him because he wore exposed underwear in public."

"On… on his head," Alfonzo added as if he was still trying to process the logic.

Link nodded. "The local magistrate called me in and hollered at me for all the trouble and the five hundred people they injured. Then he told me to take my lunatics and idiots and get out."

Alfonzo cleared his throat. "So… no more Timbre Island?" he asked.

"Not even if I have to run the Symphony aground."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Link gave his father an irritated stare. "Would you really have listened?"

Alfonzo shrugged and answered, "Probably not."

"Cap'n Link?" Link turned in response to his name, and Alfonzo and Leeta saw him cringe at the sight of a tall man with a full beard. He wore a blue jacket and bicorne combination, and he carried a mug of beer in one hand. Though his voice was gravelly, he still had a relatively soft tone as he said, "It be good t' see ya again."

"C-C-Captain Albel," Link stuttered. "I-I didn't know you were here."

"Aye, t'ain't offen I be gettin' t' a shindig like this," Albel replied. "Ye sky people be a real nice lo'."

"Link?" Alfonzo asked. "Who is this man? I don't think I've seen him before."

Link could only be grateful that he had aired his grievances with being sent to Timbre Island before Albel appeared. He was still concerned that Albel would see him as a sham of a commander, and having him suddenly appear just as he was complaining about his unruly crew caught him by surprise. He released a sigh to settle his tension and said, "Dad, this is Captain Albel. He commands a steamer on the surface. He was Gold's former ca—"

"Mister Gold's former captain," Leeta finished with an intrigued tone. "Yes, I recognize the name."

"Captain Albel, this is my mom, Lady Leeta," Link said. "And this is… my dad. Captain Alfonzo."

"Cap'n Alfonzo?" Albel asked with amazement coloring his voice. "Ye never said yer old man was a cap'n."

"He didn't know I was his dad," Alfonzo explained. "When the main office transferred him to my ship, I kept it quiet."

"Aye, I can understan' tha'," Albel replied with a nod. "Can't say I be thrilled t' 'ave any o' me boys abaard."

"Oh, you have sons, too?" Leeta asked.

"Three o' 'em," Albel replied. "Idiots, all three, bu' they be a'righ'. I couldn't 'ave 'em on me ship; I be spendin' 'alf o' me time kickin' their asses."

"Aye, that's how it was with Link," Alfonzo said. "But that's how he learned."

"By kickin' 'is ass?" Albel asked.

"Well, that, and leaving him to the crew's whims," Alfonzo said. "Made things interesting. Like the time he and his friend shaved and polished one guy's head."

Albel, in the process of taking a sip from his mug, suddenly spat a mouthful out in an attempt to laugh. Link jumped aside far too late to avoid the spatter aimed in his direction and let out a disgusted sound that was drowned out by Albel's booming laugh. "What?!" he bellowed while Link plucked up a hand towel and started wiping his face.

"I found out about it after all three of them started a fight on-deck," Alfonzo continued. "One of those times I wanted to laugh beat all hell but I had to yell at him for it."

"An' 'is crew?" Albel asked. "I hear they be quite the bunch."

"Of course," Leeta said. She indicated the room around them. "They arranged all of this for us."

Link took the opportunity to duck out of sight and disappear into the crowd. He was certain that he would only be embarrassed further if he stayed for more conversation. He started looking for Leynne, concerned by the fact that Zelda had yet to appear. However, he found that trying to navigate around a crowd that was mostly taller than him made seeking one person difficult. Not that anyone would have really noticed that he actually had gained some height during the previous year; even most of his crew were still taller than him. This was in addition to people stopping him to exchange a word or two, usually some of the older crew of the Grand Sails, but he also bumped into Linebeck and Rosaline.

He eventually decided to linger near the management office not far from the door he had entered through (where, incidentally, some crewmembers of the Grand Sails and the Summer Breeze had set up a card game), thinking that he would be able to catch Zelda entering before she had a chance to disappear into the crowd. Here, he had assumed that he would not catch anyone's attention.

"Oi, Link!" Why he would assume such a thing was beyond him when someone called out his name.

He turned to find Luggard and Meilont approaching him. Having tired himself out wandering through the crowd and greeting everyone who knew his name, he could only offer a weak smile and a vague attempt of handwave as he replied, "Hi, guys."

"Are yeh a'righ'?" Meilont asked, gesturing at him with a glass in her hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Link quickly replied.

"Then wha' is ya doin' 'ere?" Luggard asked.

"Just… trying to avoid the crowd," Link said, indicating the gathering behind him. "And… well, I'm kinda waiting for someone."

"Who?" Meilont asked.

"Uh… do either of you remember a girl named 'Zelda'?" he said.

"Yeah," Meilont said. "I think I me' her las' year. Wasn' she the girl with us when I go' mad a' yer friend Line?"

Link gave a grin and a chuckle at the memory. "You mean when you kicked him in the balls?"

Luggard immediately turned his head away from Meilont to spit out the sip of punch he had just taken. "Ya wha'?" Luggard then asked her with an amused look on his face.

"He deserved it," Meilont replied with a casual tone before taking a drink of her own punch.

"You know," Link said, "neither one of you told me what he did to deserve that."

Meilont gave him a glare and said, "Forge' it, Link. I ain' tellin'."

Link raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, that's fine," he quickly told her. "I can probably guess; you're not the only girl he pisses off."

Luggard chuckled and said, "Tha' ain' goo', Link. I know par' o' yar crew is girls."

"Well, I'd transfer him, but the company might just kick him back to me," Link said. "He's gotten worse over the years; I think the crew of the Grand Sails only put up with him because he usually got punished right away." He pinched the bridge of his nose at the memory of being caught in a coffin with Line, having ducked duty to eat candy. "If you ever meet Captain Luke, I'm sure he can remember some of the things we both got in trouble for."

"I thin' I go' a goo' idea back when ya was travelin' with me," Luggard said. He gave Meilont a grin and said, "'E 'ad a lo' o' stories."

"Perhaps more than what he lets on." Link blinked in confusion at another voice nearby and turned with Meilont and Luggard to see who had just walked up on Link's left.

He was only partially amazed to see Zelda, once again donning her pink tunic and white trousers as if the outfit actually fooled people into believing that she was an airman. The majority of his surprise came from the fact that he had to look up at her. She had appeared on Sir Gilliam's back, her legs being supported by his arms while her arms were wrapped over his shoulders and across his chest. Gillam had chosen to wear his green knights' tunic, complete with spiral belt buckle, over a pair of white slacks. Patches of white decorated his boots, indicating that he must have just come inside.

Link, unable to stop smiling despite not being particularly amused, opened and shut his mouth almost a dozen times before he finally said, "Wh—… why is he carrying you?"

"Well, the snow kind of caught me off-guard," Zelda replied in a casual tone.

"She jumped into my arms," Gilliam added. "But she didn't want me to carry her in like that, so we switched to this."

"I had not realized that there would be snow," Zelda continued. "I must admit that I am impressed. How did you do it?"

Link sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sello," he said.

"'Sello'?" Meilont asked.

"Sello," Luggard told her with a nod and a grin he could not control.

"'Sello'?" Gilliam asked.

"Sello," Zelda said.

Meilont and Gilliam exchanged looks. "I don' get it," Meilont told Link.

"When ya mee' 'im, ya'll ge' it," Luggard said.

"Actually, I thi—" Zelda began to say as she made to point.

"DA MIGHTY BEE HAS NO SPANK!"

"Yikes!" Luggard cried as Meilont let out a squeal of surprise, both of them jumping away from the source of the drunken declaration. Link had only given a mild start, having noticed Sello's blond hair rising over Meilont's head before he had hollered.

Sello stood up to his full height, revealing that he had decorated his orange bodysuit with a string of small lights wrapped around his shoulders and chest. Link could not quite tell how he had powered them. One end of the string, which Link realized was actually a wire, was hooked to his left ear. The tools that usually decorated his pockets had been replaced with striped peppermint sticks save for one pocket on his thigh, which carried a bottle of what Link predicted would be some kind of alcohol.

Meilont snapped, "Are yeh ou' o' yeh'r min'!?"

Luggard sniggered and told her, "I don' thin' 'e's ever been in 'is min'."

"Oh," Gilliam said as he released Zelda. "Him."

"Yeah," Link grunted. "Him."

"What 'him'?" Meilont asked.

"This is Sello," Luggard said.

Sello chuckled and said, "Ah am a monkey brain."

"This made the snow?" Meilont asked, looking Sello up and down with a look of derision usually reserved for an ugly pair of trousers.

"'E's mad, bu' 'e's also a genius," Luggard told her. "Now I go' the bes' train on the tracks. It leaks somethin' purple every now 'n then, but it's the bes'."

"Put'cher pants in ma third unicorn and kick the wheezy in da boof," Sello said, pointing a finger in Luggard's face despite not even remotely looking or sounding irate.

"Ge' tha' out o' me face," Luggard told him, his tone mildly annoyed.

"Well, I see the mad part," Meilont said.

"Mister Sello is quite amazing with machines," Zelda said. "His eccentricity is such an astounding feature that one would never know the kinds of machines he can build."

"'Eccentricity'?" Gilliam asked with an incredulous tone. "The man's drunk. Constantly."

"Doesn' he have any sober moments?" Meilont asked.

"No, he doesn't," Zelda, Link, Sello, Gilliam, and Luggard immediately chimed. Luggard then gave Sello an irritated look.

"Sello's been drunk since the day we found him (and probably longer)," Link explained. "He had to guide us out of a volcano that was about to erupt."

"What's a volcano?" Gilliam asked.

Link sighed. "A very angry mountain."

"I' goes da boomer in ma pickle," Sello said as if he was trying to offer elaboration.

Link glared at him. "Are you here to actually mingle, or are you just trying to annoy everyone?"

"Huh?" Sello answered. Then he nodded and saluted with a sober look on his face. "Bark. Eighteen bees vermiculate to the golf of a kinky wombat. Listing combs once to the left jungle, beyond the ever-cream that time spelunked. At the voice on the window, I goat at the island crackpot and jimmy the cookie bat, but you must eat the fifth timber and numb a toilet to toot my left leg. That is a pumpernickel, so I shall be in the carrot of a turtle's canoe. Milk the moon."

The quintet stared at Sello in shock, taken by surprise at the lack of his usual drunken slur. Luggard finally had to vocalize for the rest of the group, "Did… 'e forge' t' be drunk?"

Sello quickly took notice of the glass of punch in Luggard's hand. Sp. "Remember da spoon!" he suddenly declared with one fist raised to the air. "I AM SELLO!"

With most of the party gathered around the banquet tables or Sello's latest defiance of science and common sense, there was plenty of open space between the management office and the front doors. Sello took the opportunity to dash across empty area (assuming running with one's arms flopping lifelessly in their wake could be called "dashing") and at the doors. Ba-WHAM! The sound of Sello body-slamming into the door echoed throughout the warehouse, startling part of the crowd.

"Wha' was that 'bout?" Meilont asked as Luggard puzzled over his now-empty glass.

Link groaned and admitted, "I don't know anymore."

Fwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—

"Think he finally came to his senses and decided to hit the road?" Gilliam asked.

"I hope not," Link answered. "We kinda need him to get home."

Iiiiiiiiiii—

"Do you think he injured himself?" Zelda asked. "That sounded quite painful…"

"So was the time he face-slid across the Symphony's weather deck while he was trying to do shuttle runs," Gilliam said. "He still got up and said—" He put on a wide-eyed expression and affected a drunken slur to his words. "—'didn' hurt'."

Iiiiiiiiiii—

"Anyone else 'ear whistlin'?" Luggard asked.

"Huh? Whistlin'?" Meilont asked.

Link had just taken notice of it as well. His gaze settled toward about where he thought the source was. At the same time, he saw Lidago and Helo, standing with their backs to Sello's contraption, waving the crowd away. The crowd was already in compliance, many of them appearing confused by the need to leave. Link double-checked where Lidago and Helo stood, and it occurred to him that Sello's brief moment of clarity might have been a warning.

"Gilliam," Link said as he took a couple steps toward the Gorons, "could you make sure everyone gets outta here? I've got a bad feeling about this."

Gilliam, who had not reached any conclusion, could only respond with uncertainty, "Uh… sure."

Link was soon forcing his way through the crowd, keen on the fact that Sello's machine was malfunctioning. Perhaps his largest clue was that the whistling sound was getting louder. Although he was approaching the machine, the whistling itself was raising in pitch and volume at an alarming rate. To his fortune, the crowd had moved enough that Lidago and Helo were following the last of them out.

Among the stragglers was Leynne, so Link turned and fell into step beside him as they left. "Leynne, what's going on?" he asked, his voice loud to speak over the almost deafening whistling.

"That sound you'h hearing?" Leynne said. "That's the sound of a pressuh vessel building moh pressuh than it can release."

"Can't you shut it off?"

"That seems to be a recurring problem with Sello's technology; he doesn't build off switches!"

Link glanced back in time to see a few streams of steam escaping the machine's features. "How far away do we need to get?" he asked.

"Everyone will be fine once they'h outside, but we'll need to get them away from the building; theh's a chance that some of the components may break through the building exterioh."

"Did you tell anyone else that?" Link asked as they stepped through the doors.

"I wasn't suh we'd be able to get everyone out in time," Leynne said. Then he clapped his hands to the crowd, who were now mostly gathered within the small, clear patch of ground around the entrance. "Ladies and gentlemen," he addressed them in a level voice, "we need to get fuhtheh away from the building. We ah still in dangeh heh."

Link watched as the crowd slowly started funneling through the furrows of snow in whatever direction seemed convenient. He tried to spot his crew among them, hoping that he just could not see them because the crowd was so thick.

Instead of finding them, he was approached by a pair of men whom Link was certain had not been among the party guests. The light from the open doors behind Link allowed him to see the men wearing navy-blue jerkins and carrying round shields on their arms. Link immediately grimaced upon recognizing the Castle Island Police.

"Are either of you in charge of this party?" one of the men asked.

"Sih, whateveh the problem might be, it will have to wait," Leynne immediately spoke up. "We have a pressuh vessel inside that is about to explode."

"It what?" the other man asked.

Leynne opened his mouth to speak.

B-TOOOOOOM! Link felt the concussive force slap him on the back, and he glanced over his shoulder to see what had happened. Although his view inside was not very good, he could at least see that Sello's machine was missing, a thick mist hinting at its existence.

"What the hell was that?" the first policeman asked.

"Gentlemen, you need to move now," Leynne said as he strode forward.

"Sir, are you aware that this mess is disrupting nearby businesses?" the first policeman said as they allowed Leynne to shove them backwards. "We've received a number of complaints that this… substance is causing a problem."

"Trust me," Leynne told them as he pushed them toward the narrow street between a pair of warehouses in front of their party warehouse. "In about anotheh minute, this is going to look ratheh trivial."

"Oh, yeah?" the second policeman asked, giving Leynne an incredulous look as both Leynne and Link strode past them. Leynne and Link stopped just a few steps away from them and turned to find both men standing still with their arms crossed. "How so?"

WHAM! Without warning, the tower of stockpots that had once been part of Sello's machine smashed into the ground directly behind the policemen. Both men had jumped at the sound and turned with their shields raised in response. Upon seeing the tower partially embedded in the ground, they shared a look with each other before spinning to glare at Leynne and Link.

Leynne leaned toward Link and said in a low voice, "We might be in trouble now…"

…

Two hours later saw both Link and Leynne standing in a courtroom, chained together, before the magistrate in charge of the southern region of Castle Island. The magistrate, a middle-aged man with a balding head, sat with his elbows resting on his podium while his fingers massaged his temples.

With a sigh, he then sat up and started talking. "Okay, let me see if I have this straight," he told them. "You are the commanding officers of an airship whose crew decided to stage a minor mutiny in order to throw a party. As part of this party's theme, you asked your chief engineer to make this… 'snow' substance. The machine then built up so much pressure that it blew part of its body through the roof of a warehouse and almost crushed two officers of the peace. This is on top of the fact that this 'snow' substance is now covering the southern parts of the port, including much of the docks."

"Yes, sih," Leynne answered.

The magistrate picked up a pen and started writing on something. "Is there anything you'd like to add for the record?" he asked.

"I captain a bunch of dumbasses?" Link offered.

…

Tale #24 of the Island Symphony – END

NOTICE: The previous tale is not canon. Because, let's face it, the whole crew would've been locked up for this. Except Sello, because he actually had the foresight to run for it.