CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-NINE
Thinking back, the lips had seemed too gentle to belong to the notorious womaniser Sirius Black. It made Jane wonder, as she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, if it had really happened at all, or had it all been nothing but a dream? But of course, it had happened. She could still feel the tingling sensation on her own lips, and she wondered vaguely if it was ever going to leave, or even if she wanted it to.
Jane stared into the mirror, her gaze landing on her lips, and she reached up with a shaking hand and brushed her lips with her fingers as though to make sure that they were in fact her own lips and not someone else's. Her mind immediately flashed back to the kiss that happened only moments ago.
Jane stayed still as Sirius pulled away from her. She took in a shaky breath, and her eyelids fluttered open, though she hadn't realised that she'd closed them in the first place. She searched Sirius' face with a confused sort of look.
"Wh-why did you do that?" she asked quietly.
Sirius' hand was still lingering on her face, and he rubbed his thumb in a soothing way over her cheek.
"I just—I wanted to make sure I got to kiss you at least once," he told her.
Somewhere in her intoxicated mind, Jane's thoughts seemed to shut off as if they had circuited out. So, without the burden of her confused thoughts to stop her, Jane crashed her lips back onto his, losing herself for just a bit as Sirius pulled her down to the floor with him.
Jane's thoughts seemed to turn back on somewhere in the middle of Sirius running a hand down her back and pressing her closer to him. Her heart began to pound in her chest. Suddenly, she became fully aware of what was happening, and she stiffened.
Quickly, she pulled away from Sirius, sitting upright and running a hand through her hair. She scrambled away from him and stood up too fast, swaying and almost falling over. Sirius stood up as well and tried to steady her, but she pulled away, shaking her head.
"This-this isn't right," she muttered, the alcohol finally hitting her fully now that she was standing. "We—we're not—you're not—I'm sorry."
And with that, Jane made her way to the stairs and walked down them carefully as quickly as she could manage.
"Janie," Sirius had called after her, but he didn't follow her, and for that, Jane had been thankful because he surely would've caught up to her.
"Jane!"
Jane squeezed her eyes closed as Lily banged on the door of their bathroom.
"You promised that you'd clean up after all these people! Come out of the bathroom right now!"
"Give me a minute!" Jane said, cupping her hands under the running sink faucet and splashing her face with the cool water.
Jane wished she hadn't drank so much. She needed to be sober to figure out her thoughts right now. More than anything, she just wanted to be sober.
"You've been in there for fifteen minutes!" Lily yelled. "The common room is a complete mess! Come out now!"
Jane gripped the sides of the sink so tightly that her knuckles turned white, and she started to internally freak out. Her thoughts and feelings were a jumbled mess, and the rum and Lily weren't helping at all.
She looked up at her reflection again and just stared at the mascara trickling down her cheeks as it mixed with the water she'd splashed on her face. Jane's stomach lurched, and she moved quickly over to the toilet where she gagged and heaved.
Maybe if she vomited, she'd sober up faster. Maybe then, she could sort out the mess inside her head. Maybe then, she could figure out what the hell she'd been thinking when she kissed Sirius.
No matter how much she heaved, nothing came up. However, the nauseous feeling still remained. Drowning Lily out, Jane pulled off her clothes and slid into the bathtub. Turning on the shower, she pulled her knees up to her chest as she let the water run over her.
Sirius scowled at Jane's empty spot beside him in the greenhouse on Monday morning. He had wanted to talked to her all weekend, but he hadn't seen her since he let her walk away from him on the Astronomy Tower Friday night. He had decided that not going after her had been a stupid idea; however, it wasn't like he had known she was going to lock herself in her dorm all weekend.
That morning, Sirius had actually revelled in the fact that they had classes, and surely, Jane would come out for that. So far, no such luck was with him, as this was their first class of the day, and she was blowing it off. And if he had to make a wager, he'd bet all the gold in his vault at Gringotts that she wasn't going to show up for Transfiguration or Charms either.
So, Sirius settled for listening in on James and Lily's conversation.
"I don't know," Lily said, answering James when he asked what was wrong with Jane. "She won't tell us. At first on Saturday, I just thought she had a really bad hangover from the party, then I thought maybe she was sick, but she refuses to go see Madam Pomfrey."
"What, she just lays in bed all day?" Remus asked.
Lily shook her head.
"No, I mean, she gets dressed and everything, but she just doesn't leave the room. Mostly she reads or just stares off into space," she told them.
"And she won't tell you anything?" Sirius asked curiously.
"No, she just says she needs 'some time to reflect,' whatever that means."
Sirius frowned before pulling off his dragon-hide gloves.
"Professor Sprout, can I go to the Hospital Wing? I'm not feeling well," he said, gathering his things up before she even answered.
"You don't look sick," James noted quietly.
"Yeah, but if I have to stay here for another forty-five minutes, I will be," Sirius muttered, and James just furrowed his brow as he watched his best friend exit the greenhouse.
Sirius walked up to the Gryffindor common room. He had really hoped he wasn't going to have to resort to this; he really hadn't thought that Jane was going to skive off her classes just to avoid him. Well, he'd been in this boat before, and he wasn't about to wait around for Jane to decide she wanted to talk to him again. She was being ridiculous, and he was going to put a stop to it right now.
Meanwhile, Jane lay on her bed, looking up at the canopy. Her decision of not going to class had been a panicked one. She wasn't sure she was ready to see Sirius quite yet. There were a lot of things Jane just didn't understand. She didn't know why he had kissed her or (especially) the vice versa. She didn't understand what she was feeling. And she didn't know why she couldn't just talk to him about it like a mature person would; after all, he was one of her best friends.
However, there were a few things that she did know for sure. She couldn't deny the fact that some part of her had known that their friendship was turning into something else. She also knew that she couldn't wave this whole thing off on the premise that Sirius had been drinking because she knew that he hadn't been that drunk. He had been way more coherent and aware of what he was doing than she had been, and if she were to tell the truth, she hadn't been all that drunk herself or at least not as drunk as she had wanted to think she was.
Jane rolled over and buried her face into her pillow. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. What do you say to the best friend you kissed and then ran away from? She wasn't quite sure how she felt about him. Hell, she wasn't even sure if she was completely over Will yet.
Suddenly, there was a tapping on the window, and when Jane lifted her head to see what it was, she nearly fell off her bed. Much to her horror, Sirius was just outside, balancing on his Nimbus.
"I hate magic," Jane thought aloud.
"Let me in," Sirius demanded.
Jane panicked. Running over to the window, she pulled the curtains shut in a pathetic attempt to make him go away.
"I'm not leaving!" Sirius told her, his voice drifting through the window.
Of course you aren't, Jane thought bitterly as she ran her fingers through her hair.
"Go away!" Jane told him, not knowing what else to say.
"Not until we talk," Sirius replied.
Shit shit shit! Jane thought frantically.
Sirius waited for a few moments before rolling his eyes.
"You realise you can't ignore me forever," he told her. "We have almost all the same classes, and we live in the same house."
It was Jane's turn to roll her eyes. Did he think she didn't know that? He was so stupid. She didn't want to ignore him forever; she only wanted to ignore him for a little while as she tried to sort out her thoughts.
For a moment, she thought about locking herself in the bathroom but figured that she was already being childish enough as it was.
"I swear to god, I'll stay out here until you open this window," Sirius said. "All day. All night. Whatever it takes."
Jane felt trapped. Sneaking off to hide in another part of the castle was out of the question because he had access to the Marauder's Map, and he'd find her wherever she went. She really just wanted to punch herself in the face.
"If you don't let me in," Sirius started, racking his brain for a threat that he could use, "I'll-I'll tell James!"
Jane stiffened.
He wouldn't dare.
"I'll tell him everything, I swear to god, I will," Sirius said as though he could read her mind.
Oh, fuck me, Jane whined inside her head.
Sirius had to stop himself from smiling when he saw Jane peak at him from behind the curtain. She scowled at him in a defeated way, hating him for being, well, him. Reaching up, she unlatched the window and reluctantly pushed it open, granting him access.
Jane walked backwards away from the window as Sirius climbed through it, and for a few seconds, the two of them just stood there, staring at each other awkwardly until Jane broke eye contact.
"Janie, I—"
"No," Jane interrupted as he made to take a step towards her. "You stay right there."
Sirius put his hands up and stepped back into place.
"Are we gonna talk about what happened?" he asked.
"I don't know what happened the other night. I-I was drunk off my arse, and I didn't know what I was doing," Jane immediately lied.
"I didn't fly up here just to have you lie to me," he replied automatically, as though he'd been expecting her to say something like that.
"Why did you kiss me?" Jane finally asked.
"I already told you," Sirius said. "Because I wanted to. Your turn. Why did you kiss me?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"The truth would be nice."
"You want the truth?" she asked rhetorically. "I have no idea why I kissed you. And I-I don't know what to say to you, or how I feel about you."
Sirius took a step forward, and in turn, Jane took a step back, causing him to sigh and shake his head.
"Well, then, let me help you figure it out because I know how I feel about you," he told her, "and I've waited for a very long time to finally tell you that I think you are one of the most incredible people I've ever met in my life. You're beautiful and smart—"
"Don't make fun of me," Jane said in an accusing voice, never having heard so many compliments from Sirius at once.
"I not!" he defended. "I really do think that. And you know what else I think? I think you're childish, and you're a liar."
Jane was taken aback by his comments, and she looked visibly affronted.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me," he said. "You never want to deal with anything; after all these years, you're still like that, and I don't know why."
"You really know how to win a girl's heart! Are you finished insulting me?" Jane asked angrily.
Sirius let out a small laugh.
"Not quite, love."
Jane narrowed her eyes at him, starting to wonder why in the world she'd ever had mixed feelings about him at all because presently, he was being an arse.
"You're a liar if after all the time we've spent together, you tell me that you feel absolutely nothing between us," he told her.
Angry at the insults, and wanting to avoid his last comment, Jane crossed her arms.
"Yeah? Well, you're arrogant and pig-headed," she shot back.
"You're petty and vindictive," he said with a small, mischievous smirk.
"Well, you're—you—I hate you!" Jane stammered, unable to think of anything else to insult him with at the moment.
Sirius' smirk only grew, and he walked towards her. Jane backed into her nightstand, and Sirius came to a stop directly in front of her. He let out another laugh as his eyes searched her face.
"No, you don't."
Jane's heart started to race in her chest as he moved his face closer to hers.
"In fact," he said in a somewhat arrogant voice, "I bet you even want to kiss me again."
Jane swallowed hard, trying not to think about how his face was merely inches away from hers.
"You wish," she whispered, trying, and failing, to sound as though she thought he was crazy, not daring to meet his eyes.
"You know what I didn't hear just now?" Sirius asked, gently running his fingers over one of Jane's arms, causing her, for reasons unknown, to uncross them. "You telling me that you don't in fact want to kiss me."
Jane's breath was ragged and shaky, and she opened her mouth to snap out a comeback, but no sound came out. She was finding it difficult to think with him standing so close to her, and the way he had dragged his fingertips down her arm had sent a small chill up her spine and, quite literally, made her a little weak in the knees.
Finally, she dared to look up into his eyes. He smirked again, and his eyes flashed to her lips, tongue quickly darting out to moisten his own. Jane swallowed hard as he moved his body even closer to hers.
"I-I d-don't want to kiss you," Jane said in a voice so small and unconvincing that she wondered why she'd even bothered to say it at all.
Sirius let out a laugh.
"Liar," he breathed.
"Arse," Jane replied before finally pushing her lips into his and wrapping her arms around his neck.
Once again, the kiss was surprisingly soft and gentle, and Jane found that she didn't ever want it to end. Sirius' hands rested on the small of her back, pulling her as close to him as he possibly could. Jane was pulling him more towards herself as well, and when she stepped back a bit, she bumped into her nightstand again, this time, knocking off the reading lamp.
The two of them pulled out of the kiss long enough to glance at the lamp that now resided on the floor. Sirius chuckled before pulling Jane back into the kiss. They continued that for what felt like forever, but at the same time, not nearly long enough in Jane's opinion. Sirius pulled out of the kiss and looked down at Jane, a smile spreading once more across his features.
A thought popped into Jane's mind that worried her more than a little, and she frowned at him. He furrowed his brow.
"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked.
"You never settle for just one girl," she said in a voice that sounded like she was reminding herself of this as well, not just him.
"Not until you came along and screwed it all up," Sirius said, causing a small smile to creep over Jane's face, but it was soon gone when she thought of something much more terrifying.
Sirius rolled his eyes.
"What is it this time?"
Jane looked up at him with a disconcerting look.
"Who's telling James?"