CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-TWO
"So, if the wedding's not till tomorrow, why are you leaving today?" Sirius asked as he watched James gather things from his room.
It had been four days since Christmas Day, and James had been excited all week about meeting Lily's family.
"Lily wants me to meet her sister and brother-in-law to be," James said.
Jane let out a laugh as she leafed through a Witch Weekly.
"Have fun with that," she said sarcastically.
"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked.
"Just don't expect too much. In fact, expect nothing from them," Jane said.
James rolled his eyes, believing that Lily and Jane just had to be over exaggerating a little bit whenever they talked about how awful Petunia Evans was. After all, she was Lily's sister; how bad could she really be?
Sirius, who was eagerly awaiting James' departure, glanced at Jane as she flipped through her magazine. It had been a hard few days for him. James was always there, and as much as Sirius loved having his best friend around, he hated that there was almost no time to spend alone with Jane.
Sometimes, when he was quite sure that James was asleep, he'd sneak into Jane's room. More than half the time, she was already asleep, but if she was still awake, they'd finally get their alone time, and he'd stay until she did fall asleep, snoring softly beside him.
"Alright," James said, smiling broadly, "I'm off!"
Jane threw her magazine aside, and the three of them walked downstairs and out onto the front porch with James' mum. Jane gave James a hug.
"I hope you have fun. And please, don't get into any sort of trouble," she told him.
"Trouble? Me?" James asked, and Jane chuckled before letting go of him.
"On the contrary, mate," Sirius said, smirking. "Make lots of trouble."
"You better not," Mrs. Potter added to James, shooting Sirius a warning glare.
Jane suppressed a laugh, and before she knew it, James was making his way out of the Potters' gate to summon the Knight Bus. When he was out of their sight, Mrs. Potter walked back inside the house, leaving Jane and Sirius alone on the porch.
"How d'you think he'll fair?" Sirius asked.
"I give him about five minutes before he's says something to insult Petunia," she said, grinning just a bit.
Sirius waited until the front door had closed behind Mrs. Potter, and then he grabbed Jane around the waist and pulled her towards him. Jane smiled and wrapped her hands around his neck before kissing him for a very long time.
"That was long overdue," Sirius said when they pulled apart.
Jane rolled her eyes.
"You kissed me just the other night," she reminded him.
"I know; it was so long ago," he teased slightly before giving her another kiss.
Jane smiled and shook her head, pulling away from him.
"You wanna take a ride?" Sirius asked.
Jane thought about it. She liked Sirius' bike, but after what had happened to James and Sirius their first night back from school, she'd been staying away from it. She shook her head a bit.
"I'll pass."
"Oh, come on," Sirius said, "just a little drive around; we won't go that far."
"It's becoming a danger to wander any distance these days," Jane said. "I don't even like leaving the front gate anymore."
"Nothing bad's gonna happen to you, not while I'm around; I promise," Sirius said.
"What if something happens to you?"
Sirius sighed in an exasperated way.
"Nothing's gonna happen, Janie. Look, we're just gonna go for a little ride. It'll be four—five minutes tops. Then, we can come back here and get Mrs. Potter to make us some tea, okay?"
Jane chewed the inside of her lip and finally shrugged. The two of them made their way towards Sirius' bike, and Jane slid her hand into his.
"Sirius, how come none of us have told James' parents about Dumbledore's group?"
"It's a need-to-know basis for some people, Janie," Sirius said.
"But don't you think they deserve to know? James is their son after all. And they took us in when we had nowhere else to go," Jane said.
Sirius shook his head.
"It'd just stir up a lot of drama. They wouldn't want us, especially not James, fighting in anything. It wouldn't be any good for anyone. It'd just make them worry."
Jane stayed silent for a bit.
"I've been thinking about telling my dad," she said suddenly, and Sirius frowned at the mention of Jane's father.
"Why would you do that?"
Jane shrugged.
"I don't know," she answered quietly. "He's still my dad after all. And maybe, I don't know, maybe it'll…"
Jane's voice faded out, and Sirius rolled his eyes just a bit.
"Maybe it'll what?" he asked, stopping in front of his bike and looking at Jane. "Make him care?"
Jane didn't look at him; she stared at the ground, pulling her jumper tightly around her. It had sounded childish when Sirius put it that way, but admittedly, that was the outcome she was hoping for.
"What's wrong with wanting my dad to care about me?" Jane asked quietly.
"Nothing," Sirius said. "The problem is, if it doesn't have the outcome you want, I'm gonna be the one that has to try and make it all better. And I hate seeing you like that."
Sirius got onto his bike, and Jane took the seat behind him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head on his back, not even bothering to put her helmet on.
"Why can't I just hate him?" she asked.
"You have too much heart to actually hate anyone," Sirius told her.
"You make that sound like a bad thing," Jane pointed out.
"It's not a bad thing," he said, "but sometimes, it's not necessarily a good thing either."
Jane sighed as the bike's engine roared to life, and she closed her eyes and held onto Sirius tightly as they sped off.
Jane felt the cold air engulf her, and she tried to let it wash away the idea of telling her father about her signing up for a war. Sirius was right; it wouldn't do any good. Maybe it was time for her to let go of her dad. After all, with the oncoming war, she should really be placing her focuses elsewhere.
For the first time in a very long time since she was a little girl, Jane wished that she could talk to her grandfather. Her mother's father had fought in the Second World War, and Jane just thought that maybe, if he were still here, he could give her some advice. Of course, Jane was sure that a war in the wizarding world, would be vastly different than anything the Muggle world had seen, but it still would've been nice to have her grandfather to talk to. It would've been nice to have anybody that had been through a war to talk to. Maybe it'd lessen the fear that she felt.
Jane opened her eyes and looked at their surroundings. Ice blanketed the bare trees below them, and the cold wind whipped at her face, stinging her eyes. She shivered and held on tighter to Sirius, burying her face into his back. Trying to think of anything else but the war, Jane smiled just a bit when she thought of the other night.
Jane was sitting up in her bed, reading a book written by some famous Healer whose name she couldn't really pronounce. Her eyelids were getting heavy, and she yawned as she looked at her watch. She snapped her book shut upon realising it was almost a quarter past one in the morning.
Sitting the book on her nightstand, Jane reached towards the switch on her lamp. However, before she could turn it off, the door of her room creaked open slowly. Sirius poked his head inside.
"You awake?"
Jane let out a little laugh.
"No, I'm asleep."
Sirius rolled his eyes as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Move over," he said as he made to get on her bed.
Jane shook her head.
"This is my side," she said, and Sirius sighed before crawling over her and sitting beside her.
Spotting the book on her nightstand, Sirius chuckled a bit.
"Could you find a more boring book to read?"
"Well, if there's ever a book about you…"
"Oh, I'm anything but boring, love," he said, smirking.
"Just keep telling yourself that," Jane managed to say before he kissed her.
Sirius' hand almost automatically slid under Jane's shirt. She was accustomed to this by now; he was Sirius Black after all. Jane threaded her fingers into his hair, breaking away from the kiss and moving to his neck.
Suddenly, Sirius' hand moved down, just grazing the top of her pyjama bottoms. Jane shifted a bit uncomfortably, pulling away from Sirius' neck.
"What's the matter?" Sirius asked.
His hand still rested on Jane's lower abdomen, not moving. She shook her head.
"Nothing."
Sirius hesitated just a bit before kissing her. A few moments later, Jane's previous closed eyes snapped open when his fingers slid very slowly into the top of her pyjama bottoms.
Jane wasn't sure she was comfortable with this. Her heart picked up its pace as she decided on whether or not to stop him. And in a panicked decision as his hand slid further down, Jane jerked away from him, grabbing his arm and pushing it away.
"I'm sorry," he said automatically
Jane sighed and shook her head.
"Don't be. I just, um—"
"I get it."
Jane looked up at him and gave a small, half-hearted smile. Sirius gave her a swift kiss before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. And Jane leaned back into his chest and traced circles on the back of his hand with her fingers.
Jane opened her eyes again when she felt the motorcycle land and skid to a halt in the Potters' lawn.
"See, that wasn't so bad now was it?" Sirius said, cutting the engine.
Jane rolled her eyes.
"Oh, shut it," she said, getting off the bike and shoving him a bit.
Sirius chuckled at her as he got off the bike. Jane raked her fingers through her now tangled hair and winced as she tried to comb through a few knots.
"My hair's a mess."
"I don't see a difference," Sirius teased.
Jane scoffed, playfully hitting him in the arm.
"You're one to talk," she said, looking at his own dishevelled hair.
He laughed, instinctively raking a hand through his hair before draping an arm over Jane's shoulders.
As they walked towards the house, Jane vaguely wondered when she was going to let Sirius have sex with her. She often thought about it. The thought made her nervous. She didn't want him to get bored with her. They'd been together since October, and she was a bit worried about what would happen if she didn't put out for him soon.
Jane knew that having sex with Sirius was going to be way different than having sex with Will. She and Will had both been virgins; Sirius, on the other hand, had been with tons of other girls. And one thing that Jane worried about was when it finally did happen, Sirius wouldn't think she was any good at it.
Jane thought about writing to Sarah and Sammy about it. She was sure that they'd have something to say about it, advice to give. However, she was still uneasy with the topic alone, and she definitely didn't want to feel rushed.
Jane sighed under her breath, wondering if she was actually making this harder than it was supposed to be.