Tales of the Island Symphony

by Light Onthemayo

With Cunimincus and his demonic crew gone, the search is on again for Irleen's home. The following stories have NOTHING to do with that search. This is a series featuring the crew of the Island Symphony at their looniest (mostly), detailing events that may or may not have happened during and after Sky Lines.

29. Island Symphony Poetry Night

NOTICE: There's no way in hell this is canon.

…

Tale #29: Island Symphony Poetry Night

…

The crew had been restless lately, likely because being banned from Timbre Island had left very few ports for shore leave that all of them could enjoy. Well, to call them restless implied that the Gelto crew had not tied Cale, Leynne, and Line to the masts and taken turns throwing buckets of water on them or that part of the engine crew had not hog-tied Flower, shaved his head, and painted a daisy on his scalp. And, although they could never reach the level of devastation that the crew had seen on Timbre Island, the number of bars damaged per bar fight had increased. Link did not know what kept the crew from beating the tar out of each other, other than the facts that Cale was only there to be a target for people's verbal frustrations and the slugging between Leynne and Dubbl was actually a prelude to a romantic evening. He thought; sometimes, it looked like she was genuinely angry with him.

Cale eventually approached him with something that closely resembled an idea. According to him, scholars at the Library doing nothing but researching for days on end could become just as cranky as Link's crew had been behaving (although Link was inclined to use the word "volatile"), so a number of them had come up with a way to keep their minds focused while at the same time devoting themselves to the written word. The result was called "Library Poetry Night", in which a few members of the library's younger researchers would express themselves with poems and odes to flex their own creativity. Link did not entertain the idea for long. First, he already knew that part of his crew could not write. Second, when he considered the bickering they had been doing lately, being allowed to write something only seemed to invite the likelihood that they would use it against each other. Third, well, how were the Gelto supposed to participate when only two of them could speak Hylian? For that matter, were the Gorons even literate?

Link axed the idea. At first. However, he had forgotten about Layna's habit of spying on him. As he would come to understand later on, Layna was not familiar with the concept and went to Dholit for an explanation. Before he knew it, Link was being asked when and where the ship would dock so that a poetry night could take place. He took to confronting those he was not sure were capable of reading and writing only to learn that they thought something that sounded so cultured would help lift the dull routine of life on an airship. By contrast, Harley and Flower, playing the cynics, wanted this night to take place just to watch the crew's regular antics bring the event down in flames. Leynne and Irleen eventually convinced him that, should he not allow the poetry night to happen, he would likely be the first person the crew decided to lynch in their need to keep entertained.

Link put in for shore leave at Skyrider Port since such a request would be readily answered. For reasons he never found out, someone at the office had passed word of the request to Lady Leeta. Her subsequent visit led her to hearing about the planned poetry night and offering to host the event at the Sail Tavern. Link's objections were shot down on the grounds of… well, he was trying to tell his mother "no". No one on the crew was particularly surprised when Link caved once she suggested that the issue be brought to his father's attention, remembering quite well that Captain Alfonzo was the one who had forced Link to take them to Timbre Island. Their own theories left them with the impression that Alfonzo's involvement would escalate the situation beyond necessity, so they agreed that the Sail Tavern was the place they needed.

The tables sitting in the front corner of the bar, near the front door, were replaced with a short stage quickly cobbled together from a pair of unused pallets and an ill-fit piece of carpet Lawrence reportedly stole from a neighbor's trash. Leynne and Line borrowed a podium from the main office. Leeta left reservation cards on the tables closest to the stage to accommodate the crew, mainly so that, should the evening take a turn for the worst, Link's crew was close enough to the door to make an escape. Once Link had found a shore crew to watch the ship, he trooped his crew to the tavern.

Deciding where everyone needed to sit was tricky. Helo and Lidago had to sit at the bar on the far end since they were too big for the chairs. Dubbl sat at the table directly in front of the podium with Leynne, Link, and Cale while the rest of the Gelto took up a table to themselves nearby (Dholit sitting behind Link for pestering reasons). Lawrence and Harley shared a table with Sello (so that they could keep an eye on him) and Flower. Sello, in his usual need to behave strangely, had taken off his left boot (which added an unusual, musty scent to the tavern) and placed it on the table just so he could stare at it. As Link glanced around at the rest of his crew seated nearby, he took note who was reading and tried to recall if they had brought up an issue lately that might get thrown in his face.

Once the crew was settled and regular customers had started to trickle in, Leeta approached Link's table. "Link, does your crew need anything to drink while they read?"

Link frowned and glanced at Cale and Leynne. "What do you guys think?" he asked.

Cale looked up from a sheet of parchment. "Ah, we-well… I cannot say," he admitted. "We've nevah had the convenience of drink during the library's poetry night."

"Captain," Leynne said. "As ouh crew has expressed a numbeh of discomfohts these recent weeks, some… controlled drinking might be in ohdeh. It might help the evening pass a little moh… smoothly? Pehhaps?"

"That would seem to be the situation," Dholit added as she leaned backward to address Link.

"Something light?" Link asked Leynne.

"A mug of beeh foh each," Leynne replied. "I think that should help ease tensions a bit."

"Cool!" Line declared from the table behind Leynne, which he shared with Gold and Lilly.

"And a juice for Line," Link quickly spoke up. Irleen fluttered out of his hat and alighted on the middle of the table near the candle.

"Aw, c'mon!"

"I wasn't gonna give you beer anyway," Leeta told Line.

"I should prefah a juice as well," Cale said. "I am maintaining a pledge of abstinence in favoh of intellectual puhsuits."

"Same here," Lilly spoke up.

"Okay, so… four juices… fourteen beers," Leeta counted off. "Okay."

Link waited for her to return to the bar before he asked, "Sooo… who goes first?" Looks passed around the tables. However, no one spoke up. Link placed his elbows on the table and removed his hat so that he could scratch his head. "Yeah, that's what I thought…"

"Cale?" Leynne asked. "It was youh suggestion, and I see you've brought along some material."

"Aaah… ye-yes, but…" Cale said. "I… I cannot."

"Why not?" Link asked.

"I'm… I am paralyzed by a rathah pahsistent bout of stage fright."

Link and Leynne exchanged annoyed looks. "I had the impression you'd done this befoh," Leynne said.

"Well… to tell the truth, I've nevah had the… the nehve in previous meetings."

"You, cowa'd," Dubbl told him.

"Well, that didn't take too long," Irleen spoke up, her tone indicative of a smug look.

"C'mon, we're all here," Link told the crew. "Doesn't anyone wanna start? Dholit? Any of the Gelto?"

"I would love to staht, My Captain," Dholit answered.

Link groaned. "Anyone else?"

WHAM! The slam from the stage caused most of the bar to jump in surprise. All eyes wandered to the podium. Sello stood behind it, a stern look on his face. The sound had been him slamming his boot on the podium like a gavel.

Link ducked and covered his eyes with a hand. "Oh, no…"

Sello placed his boot flat on the podium and stared at it as if he was reading. When he began to speak, most of the crew followed Link's example of expressing exasperation.

"Arf in da broke of night peas,

I scarf on da beef of moose.

To da beedle, I am loose.

An' peace be for da blue fleas.

"Da white three of cold, black pants

take me on da cushy beans.

You spackle ma learning plants

an' on a noodle it cleans.

"Ah didn' do it; winds smoke.

Da skunk ate da monkey cheese.

No danks; Ah'm da quicker squeeze,

so da fuzzies can convoke.

"Da tree eats ma socks wif brick.

An' den da lef' bedfellow

cooks me da meat of a stick.

Do not bark; Ah am Sello."

Silence answered at first. Sello's shipmates tried not to stare at the insane drunk standing in front of them. At the same time, the few patrons who had listened to his rhythmic rant had taken to sniffing their drinks, wondering if there was something wrong with the alcohol that would cause a man to have such a bizarre train of thought. Lady Leeta stood nearby with a bewildered look on her face; she could not decide whether Sello was a genius for being able to piece together rhymes while in a permanent state of intoxication or an idiot for spouting something so utterly meaningless that it could break a person's understanding of poetry. Gale and Link's grandfather Emil (the latter having shown up in case the tavern became busy during the evening's events) were just as confused, although they had lost the capacity to rationalize Sello's behavior like Leeta. None of this bothered Sello. In fact, Sello appeared quite pleased with himself as he tucked his boot under one arm. However, when he intended to return to his seat, he forgot that he was standing on a raised platform and fell forward onto the bare wood floor. Whumpf! Gold and Flower broke free of their embarrassment to chuckle at Sello.

Lawrence and Harley stood up and pulled Sello off the floor. "Ya okay, chief?" Harley asked.

"D'ah fall?" Sello asked, his crossed eyes attempting to focus on Lawrence's face.

"Yeah," Lawrence replied.

"Didn' hurt!" Sello immediately declared.

Leynne turned to watch the engineers return to their table. Then he leaned toward Link and commented, "Well, it appeahs that we've stahted on a ratheh low note tonight."

"Stubid dlunk…" Dubbl groaned.

"No kidding," Irleen said. "Any lower, and we'd have to dig in shame back to the Symphony."

"Any loweh, and anyone flatulating would be betteh than anything this crew could write," Leynne said.

"Well, if anything, things might get better from here," Link suggested with an air of hope.

Then he noticed movement in the corner of his eye. As soon as he perceived Helo ascending the stage, Link actually felt that his prayer would be answered. Helo was actually quite articulate with the way he spoke, something that his visit to the Goron's home in the Fire Realm had not quite revealed given the local vernacular. The one thing Link had to wonder about was what Helo planned on saying since he did not appear to have anything written down.

Helo took his place behind the podium. He paused for a deep breath, giving him the opportunity to steel himself for his performance.

"Goron. Goron? Goooron? Goron."

Unfortunately, the intricacies and context behind the Goron language were lost on the crowd. Instead, Helo had succeeded in confounding the entire bar much worse than Sello. Only a few were not lost in the depths of their bafflement. Lidago eagerly clapped for his countryman, the sound booming across the silent tavern. Lawrence and Harley were hiding their faces as they chuckled to themselves. Gold tried to at least appear reverent toward the Goron's statement, but the sky dwellers' ignorance of the language left him unable to control the coprophagous grin on his face.

Just listening to Lidago applaud, decidedly better than the uncomfortable silence that Sello had caused, gave Helo the satisfaction of having delivered a well-phrase piece of philosophical poetry. He nodded in thanks to Lidago and stepped down.

Leynne waited for Helo to return to his seat before commenting, "Well. I am afraid that we've actually lowehed expectations even fuhtheh."

Link rested his forehead on the table. "I forgot about their stupid language…"

"Really?" Irleen asked in a tone exuding smugness. "Because I didn't."

"Cale," Leynne said with a pointed tone. "As much as you may be afraid to read in front of a crowd, we could use… some kind of sophistication."

"Oh, but, Lieutenant Leynne," Dholit spoke up just as Cale opened his mouth. "I believe that I might have this crew's salvation if I am allowed to read my poetry."

"Dholit, as much as I am inclined to believe that you ah capable of writing something much moh sophisticated than Sello's idiot ranting," Leynne replied, "the fact remains that we risk being expelled head-fihst through the window should the next poem express something that the layman cannot appreciate."

"And you believe that I cannot appeal to the crowd?" Dholit asked with mock offense.

"Not in a manneh that won't arouse the patrons. That's the last thing we need."

"Cale, you've got a choice," Link spoke up. "Either go up there, or Dholit's gonna make this whole bar hate us."

"I… don't know that my own attempt at poetry is adequate," Cale confessed.

"Well, considering what we've put on the stage so fah, I doubt that you could do wohse," Leynne pointed out.

Cale gave the parchment in his hands a hesitant look. Then he told Leynne, "Yes, I suppose that is true…" He took a drink from the mug sitting in front of him. Then he stood up and mounted the stage. He appeared calm and collected as he squared up to the podium and set his parchment down.

Link and Leynne just barely caught his eyes rolling up into his head. It was their only warning before Cale outright collapsed where he stood.

Link pinched the bridge of his nose. "I knew this was pointless," he said under the sounds of the engine crew and the male deck crew chortling.

"No kidding," Irleen said. "You could send me up there, and I could do better than that."

Link looked up at her. "Can you?"

"Huh?" Irleen asked as she turned around. When she caught the asking look on his face, she faltered for a moment. "W-whoa, wait a minute! That-that was just an empty insult!"

"Pehhaps," Leynne spoke up, "but, given ouh cuhrent tuhnout, I would suhmise that you might angrily rant at the crew in youh native tongue, and it would sound much betteh than what we've exposed the patrons to so fah."

Irleen gave a frustrated sigh. "Fine, but you better put my translating gem down."

"I'd throw my trousers down if it would get us some decent poetry," Link said as he fished one hand in his pocket. He heard a sharp intake from behind him which generally preceded an excited squeal and immediately looked over his shoulder. "No."

"Aww…" Dholit moaned.

Link placed the translating gem on the table. "Okay, Irleen," he said as he indicated the podium with the same hand. "You're up."

"Kátàh ō con kacùt, ħàl károl," Irleen replied in her native language. She heaved a sigh and commented as she fluttered toward the podium, "Hòt ħarìláh cōthu…"

"Think this is a good idea, Captain?" Flower asked as he leaned closer to their table, nearly striking Leynne's chair with his.

"I think this is all a bad idea," Link replied before he laid his head on the table.

Irleen brought herself to a hover over the podium where people could see her. Due to her small voice, she spoke with greater volume that caused her tone to flatten.

"Klūnitò kááħin klūnitò klápotin.

Kátàh ō kōwì ūpinòt àt òtnòt klálin.

Hòt tilìt kanītàh pīn kápōkànatìn.

Kákicá ahà ō towá káhápīnatìn.

Hīlīħán àt Hīlto klūnitò kláhītòc.

Klūnhōwàl nòp àt wōl luc ìp Hīlto apīnlòc."

Irleen paused and bobbed up and down for a moment. "Oħ, kátòhan," she uttered to herself, just barely loud enough for Link and Leynne to hear, "luc ùk káħùtah.

"Kàptàh klūncìpákīħīh ipàkti pokāh.

Itò hòħō tàh ō ħapòhu àt ħaìtpāh.

Rùkīh klánī itò ipàkti ħarùk wot.

Hòt rotà kàh ħìtīn kláitò… klorùk cōthu."

Irleen then gave a greater bob up and down and shouted, "Kákihōn, pokāhīh kāħá. Kùn kakī ħipo ō wotpa."

Silence answered at first. Then applause started from nearby. The rest of the crew were a little surprised by Leynne clapping his hands together with quite the reverent glare on his face. Then Flower and Dholit struck up their own applause. In a matter of seconds, the entire bar had burst into sound as the crowd, although lacking in any sort of understanding, showed their appreciation for the well-timed streams of syllables that Irleen had delivered. Some even beat their hands on the tables. Irleen's responses were drowned out as she seemed to take a few bows while floating back to Link's table.

Link picked up her translating gem just before she asked the table, "Was it that good?"

Link sat up a little straighter and asked as he pocketed the gem, "What?"

This gave a little time for the applause to die down, allowing her to repeat, "Was it that good?"

"Indeed it was," Dholit said as she leaned back so that her voice could be heard.

"While you may not have had much foh comparison," Leynne said as he rested his elbows the table, "it was well-executed." Then he held up a finger. "Though, I must admit: it seemed to me that you had faltehed towahd the end. Youh rhythm seemed to break foh a moment."

"Oh, you noticed, huh?" Irleen said. "Well, I realized I didn't really have to rhyme it all. I could've just told you to die about a hundred times, and it'd rhyme just as well. Besides, it's kinda hard to find a word that rhymes with 'try', so I just gave up and cut it short."

"So, all that, you just thought up?" Link asked.

"If I had it written down, it might've sounded better," Irleen replied. "But then, if I could write it down, I wouldn't have to shout it all out."

"By fah, it seems that you have beaten both the inebriated one and the Goron," Leynne said. "Not that this is supposed to be a competition." He turned to Link and said, "It would seem that we have won oveh the audience foh now."

Link leaned aside to peer around the podium. "We might get more of them aboard if Cale wasn't still passed out."

"I got an idea about that, Captain," Flower said as he stood up, mug in hand. He gestured with the mug and said, "All in the name of intellectual pursuits, of course."

"Of couhse, Misteh Floweh," Leynne replied with a flat tone. "We leave this in youh capable hands."

"Oh, boy…" Link groaned to himself.

Because Link knew what Flower was going to do. Still, he watched as Flower stepped onto the stage and over to Cale. Flower leaned over Cale and seemed to contemplate Cale's unconscious visage.

Then Flower raised the mug and dumped beer onto Cale's face with a splash. Almost immediately, Cale inhaled in surprise. Then he spat out, "Pppppp—BWAH-hah!"

"'E's up, Cap'n!" Harley bellowed with glee in his voice.

"Thank you, Mister Harley," Link replied as Cale sat up. "We noticed."

Cale looked up at Flower, who had backed away a few steps with his hands (and mug) raised in innocence. "Mistah Flowah!" he snapped. "What in the sanguinolent hell do you think you ah doing?!" Leynne, much to Link's surprise, snorted and quickly covered his mouth.

"Thought I'd offer you a drink, Chief Twig," Flower replied, his face sporting a dopey grin.

"I do not imbibe, Mistah Flowah!" Cale replied, causing patrons somewhere behind the crew to start chuckling aloud.

"My mistake," Flower said, placing a hand on his chest. "Need a hand up?"

"Not from you," Cale snapped.

"Fine, fine…" Flower said as he walked away with his hands raised. Link followed him with his eyes for a moment as Flower decided to sit at a different table, taking a chair next to Line.

Cale coughed. "I think I swallowed some of that…" he groaned as he stood. His dignity appeared as soiled as his white-shirt-blue-vest combination, almost completely soaked in beer. However, he took his place at the podium and focused on the parchment he had left there. However, before he started reading, he looked up and said, "With youh pehmission, Captain."

"Go ahead," Link said, one arm indicating his lack of concern.

Cale cleared his throat and started reading.

"With heaht do I pro-fess how much I feel.

To love and hate and stand and cas-ti-gate.

To the one flow-ah a-mong these many thohns,

I long foh the day we grow on ouh own.

To the one who brings oh-dah a-boahd shoah.

I know not suf-fer-ring to de-mons, thanks.

To coun-try-man who speaks my own tongue, pray,

That this gah-den be tend-ed and dis-played.

To de-saht blos-soms had I once dread-ed,

Youh whims so shahp and beau-ty such a twist.

To the moun-tains whom fly so…"

Cale's voice faltered as he blinked in confusion at the parchment in front of him. Only a moment ago was he able to read it with such clarity. Now, for reasons he did not readily understand, the words had blurred. This was in addition to the fact that Cale had failed to realize that he was leaning quite a bit to the left, so much that he was bracing one hand on the podium. Link and Leynne were leaning in that same direction as if trying to stand Cale back up in their vision. Link heard chuckling from behind him and gave his head a small turn to hear better.

"What's happening to the twig?" Line asked.

"I didn't feel beer could hit a person that fast," Lilly said.

"Oh, it can," Flower replied, glancing down at his empty mug. "Especially when there's a shot or five of applejack in it." Link, upon hearing this, held back with all of his available will the urge to scream "what the hell is wrong with you people!".

The damage was done; Cale looked like he was about to tip over in a drunk blackout at any second. Link wondered if stepping up and slapping Cale would convince him to finish before he could pass out.

Then movement made sound behind Leynne. He and Link glanced in the same direction to see Lawrence hanging onto the edge of his seat, trying to maintain some level of subtlety as he reached a hand forward to catch someone. To the crew's horror, Sello was stepping up to the stage again. Both Lawrence and Harley immediately started waving their hands and hissing at Sello to return to his seat. Of course, if these pitiful gestures of desperation had any affect at all, Sello could have been tamed a long time ago by someone simply calling out "Sello, heel".

Sello accidentally shouldered Cale to one side and, in an astounding feat of reflexes (for him), quickly grabbed Cale's arm to stop him from falling over. They both wobbled, Cale still seemingly in ignorance of his lack of stability, until Sello thought to grab the podium to brace himself. Sello then wrapped one arm around Cale's shoulders and looked at the parchment that Cale had written his poem on. Or, at least, they looked at where it had been, the parchment having been knocked off by their antics. Cale at least appeared to notice this and tried to show Sello a worried look. Sello, in ignorance of this, began speaking. Again.

"Hark to da bellflowers of a tur-tle's shoe!

In da mouf calls a spi-ky pol-ter-geist!

Da moist of a mor-ning buck-et tod-dles!

We sleep da sleep of tu-na mon-keys fair,

And den Ah twid-dle ma boots on ma rope!"

Sello turned his head to give Cale a large, stupid grin. Cale could only give him a few minutes of eyes welled with tears of appreciation. Then he placed his hand on Sello's shoulder, which was not a comfortable feat since Sello was still holding him up. "My thanks to you, faih saah," Cale said, his voice cracking. "You've captuahed the essence of my wohds… beautifully!"

"In da bee's opera, Chief Twig!" Sello replied as a mild applause rose from the tavern. He released Cale and landed a powerful slap on the middle of his back. In Cale's state, the slap caused him to stumble and start to fall off the stage toward the Gelto's table. Layna, having not been seated, dropped out of the rafters and immediately latched onto Cale's arm to stop him just as he lost his footing. Instead, she pulled him to one side and caused him to fall back onto the stage next to her with a heavy thunk. The applause from behind was quickly drowned by the roar of laughter. As swiftly as she had appeared, Layna disappeared from view in the next instant by ducking and launching herself for the underside of the Gelto's table, surprising Lwamm sitting at the front and forcing her to lean out of the way.

"At least," Leynne said as the laughter began dying down, "should poetry night ultimately fail, we may be able to tuhn it into a comedy night."

"Jus' don' tell 'Arley," Lawrence whispered to Leynne's back. "'E'll star' crackin' bad jokes."

"What now, Captain?" Line asked in a snide tone while Harley carefully led Sello off the stage.

Link sat straight up and let one hand flop onto the table. "Shut up, Line," he replied.

"C'mon, Link, this whole night sucks," Line whined. "Let's pack up and go let Chief Ding-Dong loose in the drydock."

Gold leaned forward and thumped the back of Line's head. "The cap'n said shut up," he told Line.

Leeta brought a tray of fresh drinks and started replacing mugs at Link's table. "Who's up next, Link?" she asked.

"I don't know," Link said as he glanced around at his crew. "We just won the crowd with stupidity, but I don't know if we can hold it with the next one."

"It'll hold," Leeta told him. "I told Gale to start slipping the heavier stuff in their drinks."

Link groaned, "Ugh—Moooom…"

"I don't know what you're worried about, Link," Leeta told him. "Things seem to have picked up. All you have to do is keep it going."

"'Ey, Cap'n," Gold said in a low voice. Link turned to find that he had stood up from the table and stepped up between Link and Cale's empty seat. "We're just sharin' poems and songs, right?"

"Yeah, why?" Link said.

"I got a shan'y that might liven things up a bit."

Link shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, if you think it'll please the crowd."

"A room full o' airmen? Trust me, Cap'n, if this don't get the crowd with us, I'll eat me boots."

"I would advise caution, Mistah Gold," Leynne spoke up, having heard Gold addressing Link. "A bah full of aihman may not be the same as the sailohs you ah familiah with."

"Don't worry, Lieutenant," Gold said as he rounded the table behind Link. "I got a good one." Link and Leynne simply exchanged looks communicating "I don't know what's going on, but let's see what happens".

Lawrence, however, started when he lost interest in watching Harley dump Sello back into his chair and happened to notice Gold stepping onto the stage. "Wai' wai'," he quickly said, reaching out as if to grab Leynne's shoulder. "Gold can' wri'e; wha's he doin'?"

"Mistah Gold is going to entehtain us with a shanty," Leynne replied. Lawrence turned to Harley, who had also heard Leynne's response, and exchanged grimaces. Leynne caught the exchange and asked, "Something we should know, gentlemen?"

"Nnnnope," Harley replied, immediately switching to a cheesy grin. Leynne raised an eyebrow at him.

Gold started slapping his hand against the podium to give himself a beat. His voice bellowed out deeper than usual as he began to sing:

"Fly yehr colors and salute the starboard,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"Make ready the sails; we're off tae sea,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"Weigh the anchor and clear all the moors,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"We've got all our cargo, it's time tae leave,

—Yo, ho, hoist it up!

"The mainstay snapped, get a new one,

—Yo, ho, hoist it up!

"Storm's a-coming, full speed away,

—Yo, ho, hoist it up!

"The boatswain's desertin'; noose his neck,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'im up!

"We made it to port; empty the hold,

—Yo, ho, hoist it up!

"Good job, boys, enjoy the drinks,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"The lubber's gettin' cheeky; take his pants,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"Here come the cops, the fight is on,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em up!

"I got 'is club, 'is back is turned,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'im up!

"I spotted the cleavage of a passin' street tart,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'im up!

"Lock the door and lose the clothes,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'er up!

"Ow!, me back; where's the bed?

—Yo, ho, hoist 'er up!

"She's sleepin' on me, but I gotta piss,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'er up!

"'Er 'ead's bleedin'; she's startin' tae cuss,

—Yo, ho, I hoist myself up!

"Ran tae the pier and fell off the dock,

—Yo, ho, hoist me up!

"Make ready the sails; we're off again,

—Yo, ho, hoist 'em uuuuuuuuuup!"

Unlike the previous speakers, Gold was quite animated in his shanty. This came primarily from the crowd taking up the beat for him by about the fourth line. This was also about the same time that they started chanting "Yo, ho, hoist 'em up", although they were not fast enough to catch when Gold changed what he was "hoisting" in certain lines. His gestures appeared common enough, using a fist-over-fist pulling motion whenever he was talking about what sounded like life on a sailing ship. Things seemed like they were about to go downhill when he mimed hanging himself. During the drinks line, he raised an imaginary glass. The club line saw him perform an upward thrust with his fist, causing most of the bar to break out into laughter. The crowd cracked up again when Gold suddenly held his back in mock pain before asking about a bed, which included Dholit collapsing against the back of her chair in hysterical cackling and smacking into Link's chair. The laughter continued while Gold illustrated throwing something during the urination line and faked running on the next two lines.

At the end of his song, Gold raised his hands in appreciation of the applause while his shipmates laughed aloud. There were only a few who were not laughing. The Gelto, except Dholit, had not understood the shanty very well. Link had been so caught off-guard by the "hoist her up" lines that he collapsed against the table and started chanting to himself "I'm gonna kill my crew, I'm gonna kill my crew…". Both Cale and Lilly were red-faced in embarrassment, though Lilly could at least giggle to herself. Sello was crying and clapping one hand against the table, which caused Harley to stare at him in confusion. Leynne simply tried to keep his reaction to a grin, observing at least a calm demeanor for the sake of his captain's slow slide into madness.

"There," Gold said as he stepped past Leynne. "That got 'em over."

"I'm gonna kill my crew, I'm gonna kill my crew, I'm gonna kill my crew, I'm gonna kill my crew…"

"Dholit?" Leynne asked.

Dholit had to take a moment to respond, forcing herself to calm down with her strength of will. She heaved out a heavy sigh, her head resting against the back of the chair. She had to angle her head so that she could see Leynne out of the corner of her eye. "Yes, Mistah Leynne?" she asked, her teasing tone taking over.

"I think ouh captain has been tohtuhed enough," Leynne told her.

"Oh?" Dholit asked. "But I have not read my wohk yet."

"Hey, Boss," Lawrence spoke up just as Leynne was about to deny her. "Given we's a'ready this deep inna i', ya migh' as well."

Leynne heaved a sigh. Then he noticed that Link had stopped chanting. "Captain, I would appreciate a decision, given youh… fragile state of mind at the moment," he said.

It was Link's turn to heave a sigh as he picked up his head. "Sure, why not?" he said in a sarcastic voice. "Might as well make the kill, right?"

"Oh, I'll be happy to kill aftah I'm through," Dholit said as she sauntered to the stage.

"Welp, here come the flames," Irleen commented.

Dholit stepped behind the podium and gave her hands a single, loud clap. This brought silence to the tavern's buzz as the patrons were drawn to Dholit's presence. She allowed the air remain clear for a moment.

"Heah me speak of my heritage of love,

Tangible and illusive – woes of love.

"Leahning of the heaht, body, and spirit,

To take the role of a sahvant of love.

"Stoked by the deseht heat – a beast of night,

I await my prey, a victim of love.

"I am whisked away to an unknown land,

A slave to my duty in chains of love.

"I struggle and strain, beg and deceive him,

yet he does not see the depth of my love.

"Please, teah my heaht out, make it squihm and scream!

Make me bleed and writhe, just accept my love!

"I long foh the ecstasy – make it last!

No, I refuse youh pity – not youh love!

"Break me with youh force and manly vigoh!

I cannot fight the desires foh love!

"Rip my skin and fu—"

Dholit finally broke off her vocal climb when she became aware that something was happening. She noticed that most of the crew had failed to pay attention to her. Instead, their focus was on a large brawl at the back of the tavern. A brawl that involved anyone who were not crew of the Island Symphony or staff of the Sail Tavern. Even Link had bothered to pick up his head in response to the ruckus. Lidago and Helo, having witnessed the beginning of the fight, had abandoned their seats and were watching from the opposite end of the bar, Lidago visibly waiting to run out the door.

There was a second in which airmen, dockers, and muscular types were slugging each other with frightening accuracy for a group Lady Leeta had claimed she was intoxicating with greater amounts of alcohol. When the second was over, the action at the other side of the tavern froze. More than two dozen pairs of eyes then settled on Dholit. Dholit felt the pressure exuded in her direction and, for once, could only give a wide-eyed look of fright accompanied by an equally rare gulp of air.

"Uh oh…" Irleen uttered.

Leynne's glance switched from the crowd to Dholit. "Captain," he then said in a low voice as members of the crew started rising from their seats. "I feah we may be standing between a good numbeh of hohny aihmen and the object of theih violent desihs."

"What's the plan, Boss?" Gold asked. "We takin' 'em?"

"We ah not intoxicated enough to try," Leynne said. "Dholit, cahfully step down towahd the dooh. We may have to make a quick exit." Dholit, still aware of the intensity aimed in her direction, gave a slow nod.

"Dubbl," Link whispered. "Tell the other Gelto we might have to run."

"Zey no—" Dubbl started to argue, her voice loud.

Then someone from the crowd hollered, "Hey, look! Dere's more o' 'em! More women!"

"Let's make 'em scream, too!" someone else shouted.

This sparked the crowd. The only reason the crew of the Island Symphony was not run over right away was because the men on the other side of the bar had to stumble over the furniture they had already thrown about as well as the few unconscious bodies they had left on the floor. This gave the crew a moment to hear two commands in quick succession.

"Link, run for it, boy!" Emil hollered from the bar.

Link firmly agreed with the sentiment as he ordered/screamed, "Abandon ship!"

The silence outside the tavern was broken by a pair of boulders bounding out of the tavern and tearing up the road in a frantic scramble. The next out were Lawrence and Harley, Lawrence with one hand firmly on Sello's collar. They immediately turned and started for the docks, Lawrence forcing Sello to run/stumble backwards. Dubbl, Dholit, Lwamm, Twali, and Biluf had overrun the rest of the crew when they realized that the other patrons' belligerence was fueled by an overdose of hormones and drunkenness, a combination that they were quite willing to run away from without question. The rest of the crew piled out and followed the Gelto back toward the docks. The only ones not running were Layna (who, naturally, had not come out of concealment and was in fact unsure if she should start defending the crew), Cale (left abandoned on the stage and overlooked by all but Emil and Leeta), and Irleen (since being a fairy let her disappear into the ceiling without anyone noticing).

Two seconds later, the door was ripped from its hinges despite the fact that nobody had bothered to close it. Two dozen men swarmed into the street, each one screaming incoherent and likely indecent propositions that caused a number of lights to turn on nearby. They quickly recognized Lilly and Gold bringing up the rear of the retreating pack and began pursuit.

Line, running near the outside of the group, turned to see the crowd following them. "Gah!" he hollered as he nearly tripped over a loose stone in the road. Flower, being close by, reached a hand out and tugged Line into balance by the back of his tunic. This let Line holler at Link's back, "Now what?!"

"I AM THE CARNIVAL OF BAD FEET!" Link, as well as Leynne, Gold, and Lilly, had to dodge to one side when they realized that Sello was running the wrong way.

Gold and Lilly slid to a stop and turned around. "Chief, wait!" Gold hollered.

Sello stopped and turned in response. Both of them were surprised to see a very sober and determined look on his face. "Face da chili wart, or be one of da eight tongue levers," he said. Then he offered a hand up in a salute.

"What do we do?" Lilly asked Gold.

Sello turned to the crowd. "EAT THE TUNA CAAAAAAN!" Sello screamed as he charged forward.

"'Ell with it," Gold answered. "'E'll be fine." Lilly appeared to take this as a reasonable response as she and Gold resumed running.

"I AM SELLOOOOOOOO—BWAH!" Sello's charge was met with indifference as one docker heading the group rammed into him, knocking him onto his back. He was subsequently trampled by men too drunk to realize they were stepping on a person. Once they passed, Sello squirmed as he became aware that he was having trouble moving, largely ignorant that one arm was bent in a strange place. "Love da chocolate…" he muttered to himself.

Leynne had looked back just in time to spot the crowd running Sello over. He hollered to Link, "Captain! We've lost Sello!"

"We'll pick him up later!" Flower shouted back.

"Where the hell's Layna!?" Line shrieked. "These guys should be dropping by now!"

Link, already setting a plan into motion, clapped the breach of his flare gun shut. "Guys, scatter and meet up back at the Symphony!" he hollered. He let himself slow so that Line, Flower, Leynne, and Lawrence could overtake him. He shifted to one side of the street, and Gold and Lilly quickly moved to the other when they saw him pointing the gun toward the crowd. Link was not going to actually shoot into the crowd, though. Instead, once he had an idea of where they were, he pointed the gun at the ground about halfway between him and them and fired. FZZZZZZZZZZ! TUZZZZZ! The flare bounced on the ground. This seemed to cause it to go off prematurely, bursting into green light that filled the evening street.

The sudden light caused some of the men to attempt to slide to a stop in surprise only to have their rivals slam them from behind, sending them tumbling to the ground. Others attempted to run around the flare only to realize far too late that they were far too drunk and blinded to be able to make out significant obstacles nearby, such as walls and carts. A handful of men who pushed forward beyond the light carefully slowed to a stop once they realized that the crew of the Island Symphony had disappeared in the confusion, the road ahead completely empty.

…

Tale #29 of the Island Symphony – END

NOTICE: Yeah, there is no way in hell this is canon.