NOTICE: This story is canon. Uh… well, kind of…

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Tale #30: Malgyorg Slayer Link

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Liynk 'Aboytkwin Dhugrun.

Ban halcix ku', Xili'anay lwa'in 'agolwnin diyzhamtya Liynk fathmya'ak.

Liynk yanw'ya'ak ta'lif xwal may' zhi lwayhaxwolya'ak thoylf. Zhi zhazkya'ak 'idu nwubuli, kwotkay Kayl taf 'idatuk Sallo.

'Ak sanwukint dha' dhugrun, 'ak hida'tawalw dhugra, taxilya'ak Liynk taf dha'inya'ak zhal. 'Ak hida'tawalw dhugra colwaynya'ak 'ankay wuthuc dha' dhugrun zanwriyt Liynk.

'Ak wathac 'a'aykwafi dofaysya'ak zanwriyt Liynk. Liynk lwakbya'ak sa'i 'anw dhugrun tinnayl 'ulwis. Kayl kwudhzya'ak 'anw dhugrun 'ataynli taf 'abixwya'ak 'anw kwaydhzu'un subaykun gan Liynk zanak.

'Ak wathac 'a'idkin dofaysya'ak zanwriyt Liynk. Liynk gaslwya'ak 'anw subaykun dha' dhugrun zalwkiyb 'anw dhugrun tinnayl 'ulwis. Sallo 'ukwgya'ak 'anw dhugrun 'ataynli zakfiydh taf mudhjya'ak klayf 'an skudhun dha' 'an dhugrun naday.

'Ak wathac 'a'inkin dofaysya'ak zanwriyt Liynk. Liynk 'akzya'ak zhamin zaydh taf rodhaymya'ak 'anw dhugrun foltab Liynk xalotak marix 'agaysalwi zaydhun. 'Idus Sallo 'ukwgya'ak 'anw dhugrun zakfiydh taf mudhjya'ak biyun 'an skudhun naday.

'Ak hida'tawalw dhugra 'adhi'nin dofaysya'ak zanwriyt Liynk. Liynk gaslwya'ak 'anw klayf zajsiylw 'anw biyun 'an hida'tawalw dhugra dha' rujun biyta. Zhi gaslwya'ak zhamin zaydh zamxwiyc 'anw dhugra dha' godho. Zhi gaslwya'ak 'anw subaykun zakwxwiyj taf zadhakwak 'anw dhugra dha' hiju. 'Ak hida'tawalw dhugra hakwijya'ak sariyk 'azhilbin gan.

'Ak Gilto kwint tawinwya'ak Liynk taf tamkwya'ak sokayd thoyluf zhimmu zanak. Idha 'inan nwiy sokayj thoyluf ta'obak Liynk naday. 'Inan liyxomotak 'axilt Gilto zanak!

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"'—Malgyorg Slayer Link.

"'—At one time, there existed a Hylian warrior named Link.

"'—Link came to the desert so that he could take a wife. He escorted two companions, the scholar Cale and the drunk Sello.

"'—The king of Malgyorgs, the Cliff-nose Malgyorg, sensed Link and feared him. The Cliff-nose Malgyorg dispatched three troops of Malgyorgs to stop Link.

"'—The first troop tried to stop Link. Link punched all the Malgyorgs to death. Cale skinned the dead Malgyorgs and sewed the skins into gloves for Link.

"'—The second troop tried to stop Link. Link used the Malgyorg gloves to punch the Malgyorgs to death. Sello boiled the dead Malgyorgs to eat and made a bow with the bones of the Malgyorgs.

"'—The third troop tried to stop Link. Link unsheathed his sword and massacred the Malgyorgs since Link excelled using swords. Again, Sello boiled the Malgyorgs to eat and made arrows with the bones.

"'—The scared Cliff-nose Malgyorg tried to stop Link. Link used the bow to shoot the arrows into the Cliff-nose Malgyorg's eyes. He used his sword to cut the Malgyorg's belly. He used the gloves to rip out and crush the Malgyorg's heart. The Cliff-nose Malgyorg exploded into purple smoke.

"'—The Gelto queen thanked Link and gave him six wives. Now, we, those six wives, are pregnant by Link. We are doing good for the Gelto!'"

Dholit set down the parchment she was reading from and gazed expectantly at her audience. Link, seated behind his desk, had dropped his head at the first mention of Cale and Sello and had covered himself with his arms.

Irleen was resting on a logbook sitting next to his elbow. She heaved a sigh and asked, "Taking a few liberties there, aren't you?"

"Oh?" Dholit asked. "I do not recall that you witnessed this battle."

"I've seen enough battles to know how things go for Link. I'm pretty sure over half of that is artistic license."

"It is just the kind of tale that will be read down the generations of Gelto to come." Dholit then rested a hand against her cheek and glanced off into the distance that was the nearby map table. "Oh, the glory of brutality and slaughtah inspiahs the heahts of all Gelto, and I nevah thought that I might be so inclined to write of such things. Why, I can only imagine what My Captain's six children will think."

BAM! "YOU'RE NOT SENDING THAT TO THE GELTO, DHOLIT!" Link snapped at her when he raised his head, a fist slamming the desk for emphasis.

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Tale #30 of the Island Symphony – END

NOTICE: Okay, so about half of this is canon while the rest of it is Dholit being a horrible, deluded author. Check out the end of Sky Lines chapter 81 to learn what "inspired" her.