CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-FOUR
A little over a month later, things had kind of cooled down. A few people still made callous remarks to Mary and Marlene, and some of their friends from other houses that they'd normally hang out with were suddenly too busy to be friends with them. Alice was constantly telling them that it didn't matter, that they had real friends that would stick by them, but Jane imagined that it still hurt a lot.
Rumours flew around the school, as they usually did when something big happened, not only about Mary and Marlene, but about Alice and Jane and the Carrows and anyone really involved in the whole thing. The Carrows and the other Slytherins involved were suddenly labelled as homophobic arse-wipes. Of course, the same people that called them that turned right around and started rumours that maybe Alice and Jane and any other girl that had come to Mary's aid might also secretly be lesbians.
It didn't really bother Jane. After so many years of being at Hogwarts, she learned not to let things like that get to her. After the whole incident, Jane and Alice and the other seventh year Gryffindors had seemed to form a sort of protective circle around Mary and Marlene. In a way, it had brought them all closer than they had been. Normally, they'd hung out together in different circles at different times. Mary and Marlene. Alice and Frank. Jane and Lily. Jane and the infamous Marauders. James and Lily, and so on. They had all been friends, but there had been a small disconnect. However, things were different now. They seemed to be doing more stuff together as one whole group, and after years of basically growing up together, they finally felt like they knew one another on a different level. It was nice.
However, it made it much harder for Jane and Sirius to sneak around. Not to mention, their professors had been giving them tons of review work to prepare them for their N.E.W.T.s, and Jane seemed to be in the library more often than not. Between all of that and Quidditch practice, there was hardly any time for them to spend alone, and the abandoned classrooms that were once their regular haunts seemed to become just that again—abandoned.
Sirius, understandably, was unhappy with the whole ordeal. Jane was too, but while Sirius was upset about not being able to spend time with her, Jane was more upset that they couldn't just be a regular couple. Even Mary and Marlene finally got to be out in the open about their relationship. Surely, if those two could face the whole school and cast aside societal norms, then Jane and Sirius could face James, right?
No, of course not. Come to think of it, Jane would much rather tell James she was in a three-way relationship with Mary and Marlene instead of telling him the truth. He wouldn't react near as badly. In fact, Jane figured that since James hardly approved of any guy she showed interest in, he'd probably welcome the idea of her being attracted to women instead. But alas, Jane was not. Unfortunately, she was quite taken with the handsome idiot currently sitting across from her in the common room, playing Exploding Snap with James, Frank, and Alice, as Jane read one of her Advanced Charms textbooks.
Jane smiled occasionally whenever Sirius or James got particularly too excited about the game, whether it be from winning or from Alice kicking their butts. Jane wasn't exactly sure why they'd get so upset whenever they lost, it wasn't like they had put any money on any of the games they'd played, and since they'd lost far more than they'd won, Jane highly doubted that they'd ever bet on a game in which Alice Hanson was involved.
It was a particularly cold Saturday in February, and the common room was packed with students who were either trying to study or who were messing about. Remus and Lily had disappeared to the quiet sanctuary of the library a long time ago, but Jane had yet to give up on the warm, cosy couch in the common room (though she probably should have by now because she'd been trying to read the same paragraph for about thirty minutes). Peter was watching the Exploding Snap game, and Mary and Marlene were sitting on the couch with Jane as Marlene French-braided Mary's hair.
Jane looked up to see Mary looking at her. She smiled.
"What? Have I got something on my face?" Jane asked.
Mary chuckled a bit.
"Here, turn around and let me braid your hair. It looks very soft today. Did you do something different to it?"
Jane closed her book and turned so that her back was to Mary, who automatically began separating locks of Jane's hair.
"Well, actually, I bought a new shampoo in Hogsmeade last week. It was a bit pricey, but apparently, it was worth it."
Marlene looked over Mary's shoulder to see Jane's hair. She nodded.
"You'll have to tell me which store you bought it at," she said.
The three talked for a while, and Jane was quite content. However, the feeling didn't last forever. A few minutes later as Jane was admiring the intricate braids in her hair, Violet made her way through the common room. Jane assumed she'd come to ask for some help on her O.W.L. review work, as she'd been doing all week. Jane was silently hoping that it wasn't a History of Magic question when she realised that it wasn't a book that Violet clutched, but a magazine.
"Jane, look!" Violet exclaimed happily, holding the magazine out to Jane. "Look, it's Will."
Jane looked at the issue of Quidditch Monthly that Violet was still holding, and her heart gave a small leap. There on the cover, all dressed in his Yorkshire Quidditch robes, was Will, clutching his broomstick and waving up at Jane.
Jane grabbed the magazine and looked down at the cover, a small little smile tugging at her lips. The Exploding Snap game had disbanded because as soon as Alice had heard Will's name, she sprung up from her seat to see for herself. Sirius stayed put, scowling but listening to what was being said all the same.
Mary nudged Jane lightly and smiled.
"He's still as handsome as ever," she said, causing Jane to blush just a bit, despite the tiny ache in her chest that she hadn't really felt since summer.
"Well, go on and open it," Alice said.
Jane flipped open the magazine, rifling through the pages until she found an article about Will. She read it aloud to them, trying to keep any sadness from creeping into her voice. She ended it with a small sigh as she stared at the multiple pictures of Will.
"Do you still miss him?"
The question startled everyone. Jane looked to see Sirius staring at her, waiting on an answer.
Jane's heart seemed to sink at his question and the look in his eyes. She knew automatically that he was mad, and she felt guilty. However, she was also a little angry herself because why would he ask her that when he knew that she wasn't going to be able to give him the answer he wanted to hear?
"Yeah, I do," Jane answered, her grey eyes boring into his.
Hours later, Jane managed to find herself alone. She was currently freezing her arse off on top of the Astronomy Tower all because of her stupid addiction to her fags. She was currently on her second one, and she was almost thankful for the cold because it made it hard to think about anything else.
Of course, the peace and quiet didn't last very long. She could hear the footsteps at the top of the stairs. She groaned internally; she really didn't want to deal with this right now, but she assumed getting it over with was best.
"Well?" she said.
Sirius sighed.
"I actually just wanted a smoke; I wasn't aware you were up here," he said.
Jane narrowed her eyes.
"Oh, well, I'll leave then."
Sirius shook his head.
"No, you were here first; I'll leave."
"Are you seriously mad at me?" Jane snapped at him.
Sirius didn't look at her. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his robes. Jane rolled her eyes.
"You realise you're being ridiculous, right? I mean, what the hell did you expect me to say? You ask me that in front of everybody. What? Was I supposed to lie?"
"So, you do miss him then," Sirius said.
Jane paused for a second. He was being unfair. What did he want from her?
"Of course I do," she said, her voice a bit softer than it had been.
Sirius didn't say anything.
"What? Do you want me to say no?" Jane asked. "Am I supposed to lie to you now? You know how I felt about Will; I cried to you for weeks about it. Am I supposed to magically not miss him anymore just because we're dating?"
Sirius gave her a sideways glance.
"Could you just say something? Tell me what you're thinking," she said. "I mean, are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad," he said, "not at you at least."
"Then, what is it?"
Sirius shook his head.
"I don't really feel like talking about this."
"Oh, well, that's too bad," Jane said, "because you're going to."
"Or what? You gonna break up with me, love?" he asked, regaining some of his arrogance as he let out a small chuckle. "Of course, it wouldn't make much of a difference, would it? What, with how little we've been together lately."
"That's not my fault," Jane said automatically.
"Never said it was."
Sirius finally lit his cigarette and took a long drag.
"So, what? You're jealous of a guy that I don't even see anymore? Is that it?" Jane said, and Sirius let out a small laugh.
"Janie, I've been jealous of that guy ever since he kissed you in fifth year. Of course, I thought that when he left, it'd be over, but no, he always manages to pop back up again. It's like he's reminding me."
"Of what?" Jane asked.
"That the only reason you're even with me is because he left," Sirius said, letting out a humourless laugh. "I mean, if he hadn't, you'd still be with him, right? Even now, you still have feelings for him, and he's not even here."
"I'm always going to care about him, if that's what you mean," Jane said. "I can't help that."
"It's not even that," Sirius said. "I mean, what if he comes back?"
"He's not going to," Jane said.
"You don't know that," Sirius pressed. "What if tomorrow he just decides that he just doesn't want to play Quidditch anymore or he gets hurt and can't play anymore? What then? I mean, he'll obviously want you back."
"Why're you overthinking everything?"
"Just wanna know where I stand in all of this," Sirius continued, shrugging. "Would you take him back?"
"He. Isn't. Coming. Back," Jane said calmly. "So, what does it even matter? I mean, honestly, with the way the world is, there's a better chance of me dying than Will coming back."
"That's not funny, Janie."
"I wasn't trying to be," she said. "But you're being absurd. I'm with you, not Will. I don't know what you're even jealous for. You and I have been through so much together. You've been one of my best friends for almost seven years. Hardly anyone can say that, and Will's not one of them.
"And you've helped me through so many things. You've literally saved my life. And yes, I was with Will, but that's all in the past, and that's where it's staying because, Sirius, I wouldn't trade you for the world, and that's the goddamn truth."
She said this all very fast, and Sirius hardly had time to process all of it. However, once he had, he cast aside his unfinished cigarette and closed the space between them in three long strides. He wrapped his arms around Jane and pulled her into a hungry sort of kiss that made Jane's head spin just a bit. And when the kiss ended, he pulled her even closer and rested a cheek on top of her head. They were silent for a moment.
"Janie?"
"Hmm?"
"You forgot to mention how much better looking I am than him," Sirius said.
Jane rolled her eyes under her closed eyelids.
"Stop ruining it," she warned.
Sirius chuckled.
"So, you wouldn't trade me for the world, but what about Jupiter? Or Saturn even?"
"I'm gonna kill you," Jane said, looking up at him.
Sirius grinned.
"No, you love me too much," he told her before giving her another much softer kiss.