CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-EIGHT

That Easter holiday at the Potters' was very different from any other time Jane had been there. Mrs. Potter was much quieter than normal. She hardly ever got out of the house or had friends over for tea. And though she still looked happy, she seemed less vibrant.

Even the annual Easter party was being held at the Longbottoms' this year. And James' mum hadn't once made a big deal about making them all go. James was thrilled, but like Jane, he started to worry about his mother. Something was definitely off about her. Every time the kids saw her, she seemed almost sickly, reminding Jane vaguely of how Remus looked in the days leading up to a full moon.

However, something happened that week that took their minds off Mrs. Potter completely. It all started on the Saturday before Easter Sunday.

Jane was sitting in the drawing room, reading her Healing Theory book. She didn't come to that room often, and whenever she had, it was usually filled with guests or party-goers. But now, it was empty, save for her, and it felt strange. However, it was quiet for the most part, which couldn't be said for the upstairs hallway where her room was. James and Sirius and Lily were playing Exploding Snap with a new deck of cards that were manufactured to explode very loudly (an early birthday present from Sirius to James).

Regardless of how quiet it was, Jane still couldn't concentrate on what she was reading. Too many thoughts were running through her head. She had N.E.W.T.s to worry about and how to tell her friends about her relationship with Sirius (which she had resolved to do sooner rather than later) and a war of all things.

Plus, she kept glancing at the doors of the drawing room as though expecting Mrs. Potter to come flitting through one of them even though Jane knew she wasn't there. Jane wasn't exactly sure where Mrs. Potter had gone, but she had said that she was going into London, so Jane had assumed that she meant Diagon Alley. The strange thing was that Mr. Potter went with her. Jane didn't know why, but that put her on edge, as though something important was happening, and she was missing it.

Jane was supposed to be researching magical illnesses and their treatments for a paper that was due before the end of April. Other than her Healing Theory book, plenty of Magical Medical books lay before her, unopened and untouched, along with her parchment. She hadn't even written the introductory paragraph yet.

It was at times like this that Jane wished she were a Muggle. If she were a Muggle, she'd be gallivanting about with Sarah and Sammy right now, not the least bit burdened by a war, not worried for her or her friends' lives. But of course, being a Muggle would have entailed never knowing the friends she now had. She'd be stuck in her miserable town, in her miserable house with her miserable father, sneaking out every night to go get high or drunk with Sammy and Sarah to get her mind off of the fact that she wasn't happy.

And that was the thing. Jane may have been terrified of her future, but she was happy with how her life was in that very moment, more so than she ever had been or knew she ever would be as a Muggle.

It took her a while to realise that the faint sounds of explosions from the upper level had stopped. She sighed when she looked around at her things, realising that she'd wasted nearly an hour on nothing but worrying.

Jane sighed and rested her head in her hands, only looking up when she heard her friends clambering down the stairs. She stood from her chair and started stacking her books on top of one another on the tea table. She walked to the doorway of the drawing room just in time to see James happily dragging Lily out the front door. She leaned against the doorframe with raised eyebrows.

"Well, what was that about?" she asked Sirius, who was now grinning at her.

"That was me buying us some much-needed alone time," he said after the door closed, walking towards her and running his hands over her waist and hips.

"And pray tell, how did you manage that?" Jane asked, smiling as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I told Prongs that he could take Lily for a ride on Bonnie."

"You what?" Jane asked, clearly shocked by his decision. "You realise the last time that James drove your bike, he ran it into a tree. Didn't you vow to never let James or me drive it ever again?"

Sirius' grin faltered at the memory, but he just shrugged, pulling her closer to him.

"I figured it was worth it."

Jane laughed.

"So glad to know that you love me more than your precious Bonnie," she teased. "However, I'm still trying to picture Lily Evans on a motorbike."

"Oh, she adamantly refused to get on it," Sirius assured Jane, "but these days, Prongs has a way talking her into things, so I figure we have at least twenty minutes to ourselves."

"Twenty minutes alone in a house with Sirius Black. What's a girl to do?" Jane teased before finally kissing him.\

"I can think of a few things," Sirius whispered to her after pulling out of the kiss.

Jane grinned and backtracked into the drawing room, pulling Sirius along with her. He eyed her schoolbooks.

"Was I interrupting you?" he teased.\

"Oh, like you've ever cared about that," she said, pushing him into the chair she'd been sitting in earlier.

Jane climbed onto the chair as well, straddling him as she kissed him again. Her hands immediately set to work, trying to lift up his shirt, hinting for him to cast it aside, which he did. Jane discarded her own shirt as well before Sirius happily pulled her closer to him, and she sighed when he started to kiss his way down her neck.

Ever since Jane had returned from her trip to the Pendle Hill Academy, their relationship had gradually picked up pace. Jane couldn't explain why, but lately, she found herself quite okay with things that used to make her nervous. They hadn't actually had sex yet, but something inside Jane told her that it was only a matter of time. After all, they'd been together for nearly five months now.

Sirius pulled away a bit and looked up at her.

"Did I tell you that my Uncle Alphard died?"

Jane's expression immediately changed.

"Well, that's a mood killer," she said before realising how completely insensitive that sounded. "I'm so sorry."

Sirius chuckled a little at her changing expressions.

"Don't be; I hardly knew him."

"Okay?" Jane said, not exactly sure why they were talking about this; after all, Sirius rarely talked to anyone about his family.

"He left me a lot of gold," Sirius told her. "Guess he felt sorry for me. And the thing is, I've been looking into getting a flat in London sometime soon."

"Oh," Jane said, surprised at this turn of events.

"And of course, you're welcome to come with me," Sirius said in between kissing her neck and shoulder.

Jane's smile returned to her face, and she let out a small laugh.

"You realise we're gonna have to tell James about us before that happens, right? Otherwise, it'd be very suspicious if I just left the Potters' and moved in with you."

Sirius brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled.

"We'll tell him," he assured her.

"Well, assuming we're both still alive after we do that, I'd love to move out with you," she said.

Sirius pulled her close to him again, kissing her lips hungrily. Jane grinned into the kiss and pulled away, moving to Sirius' neck. Sirius closed his eyes as he ran one hand down her back and the other through her dark hair. Sirius suddenly moved one of his hands between their bodies and cupped the space between her legs causing Jane to falter for a fraction of a second as she inhaled sharply, causing Sirius to smirk.

As Jane went back to sucking and lightly biting on his neck, Sirius couldn't help but think that he liked this—being with her. It made him feel carefree. Being with her seemed to make everything else melt away. And for those moments, nothing bad was happening in the world. It was the same for Jane, and it was a much welcomed escape from her thoughts.

However, their moment of bliss didn't last long at all. In fact, it quickly turned into the very nightmare they had avoided for five months now.

James Potter, who had just gotten Lily to agree to a ride on Sirius' bike by telling her that Jane had a helmet she could borrow, came strolling back into the house to ask Jane where he might find said helmet. Jane and Sirius hardly had time to register the sound of the door opening before James appeared in the doorway of the drawing room.

"Shit, Prongs," Sirius said as Jane immediately jumped off of him.

Jane grabbed her shirt off the floor as all the blood in her veins turned to ice. Sirius was on his feet now too, but he hadn't moved beyond that. James, too, stood rooted to the floor, still processing what he'd seen. And for a split second they all just froze; Jane couldn't even make herself move to put her shirt back on; she only stood there, clutching it in front of her.

James looked at her, but she immediately looked at the ground, her breath catching in her throat. Then, James looked at Sirius, and his expression turned murderous.

"Prongs, let me explain," Sirius started cautiously, holding up his hands, but James had no intention of hearing his explanation.

"I'm gonna kill you," James said to Sirius in a terrifyingly steady voice.

Jane looked back up at James, wide-eyed.

"James, wait—"

But before she could say what she wanted, James was already across the room, his fist colliding with Sirius' jaw. Sirius staggered away a bit and wiped some blood from his lip with the back of his hand. He looked back up at James.

"I don't wanna fight you, Prongs," Sirius said.

This didn't seem to move James in the slightest. Instead, he tackled Sirius to the ground, and the real fight began. Jane quickly tried to pull the boys apart.

"James, stop it! Stop it!" she screamed at him, but of course, he wasn't listening to her.

Jane only ended up being knocked backwards into the tea table, all of her schoolbooks toppling off of it. About the time she regained her footing, Lily came running into the drawing room, having heard the screaming and yelling from outside. She looked from Jane, who was still shirtless and mortified, to the two boys fighting. Though she was confused, she helped Jane pull James off of Sirius.

"James, quit it," Lily said as they pushed him away from Sirius.

Once Sirius got to his feet, Jane ran in front of him, trying to stop him from coming at James.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Lily demanded.

"I'm gonna kill you," James repeated to Sirius, ignoring Lily completely. "I'm gonna rip your fucking head off!"

"Well, go on then!" Sirius shouted in reply as Jane pushed him back.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Jane interjected.

"She is not one of your whores!" James seethed.

Sirius was taken aback by James' words, kind of hurt but more outraged than anything. He tried to step forward, but Jane kept him at bay.

"What? You think I don't know that? You think I'd treat her like some slag? You don't know a damn thing about it!" Sirius spat back at him.

"Will someone explain to me what just happened?" Lily asked.

"Oh, no one's told you either? Apparently, they're screwing now," James said harshly.

Sirius shook his head, and Jane flinched a little at his words.

"Fuck off, James."

This didn't come from Sirius; instead, it was Jane who'd said it, her voice shaking and her eyes welling with tears. James glanced at her before shaking his head and looking away.

"Would you put a fucking shirt on, for Christ's sake," he said.

Sirius, scowling at James, picked up Jane's shirt from where she'd dropped it. Jane quickly pulled it on before wrapping her arms around herself. Lily looked from Jane and Sirius back to James, who was still seething in his anger.

"Come on, James," she said. "You need to go calm down right now."

Lily managed to push James out of the room, leaving Jane and Sirius all alone. Sirius pulled his own shirt over his head before hugging Jane to him.

"It's alright, Janie. It'll be okay," he murmured to her as she started to cry.

"He wasn't supposed to find out like that," she finally choked out.

"I know," Sirius said, rubbing her back soothingly. "It'll be okay."

"We ruined everything," she cried, scared because she'd never seen James so angry in her life.

"Shhh," Sirius cooed. "Everything's gonna be okay."

"I'm gonna kill him, Lily. I swear to Merlin, I'm gonna kill him."

Lily had managed to walk James to the kitchen, where he paced back and forth angrily.

"You need to calm yourself before you end up doing something stupid," Lily said. "He is your best friend."

"I'm sorry, but you missed the part where I walked in on them having a shirtless snogging session in my drawing room!"

"What does it matter?" Lily asked in an exasperated voice.

James faltered for a second. Had she really just asked him that?

"Jane is like a sister to me," he said.

"And Sirius is like your brother," Lily pointed out. "You love both of them, James. They are your friends."

James eyed Lily warily.

"You don't seem shocked by any of this," he accused.

"I'm as every bit as shocked as you are," Lily told him. "It's just that I'm not acting like a complete tosser!"

James leaned against the kitchen counter and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"They didn't tell me," he breathed in realisation. "They went behind my back."

"Well, I should think so if they thought you were going to act like a lunatic," Lily said.

They were both quiet for a while as James tried to calm himself down. What James really wanted to know was how long this had been going on. Moments later, Sirius walked into the kitchen. James pushed off the counter, and Sirius immediately held up his hands in surrender.

"I didn't come to fight you," he said calmly. "I just wanna talk. I just wanna explain."

"I'm gonna go talk to Jane," Lily said after seeing James unclench his fists. "Don't do anything stupid, please."

And with that, Lily cautiously left the kitchen. James rubbed his face with his hand before pointing at Sirius.

"You better have a fucking brill explanation, mate," he said threateningly.

"We were gonna tell you," Sirius said. "I had planned to tell you when we got back to school."

James let out a humourless laugh, slowly walking towards Sirius.

"Oh, had you?" he said caustically. "Well, that makes it all better!"

Sirius sighed in annoyance.

"Tell me, how long exactly have you two been hooking up? A week? A month? Two months?" James was getting louder. "Tell me, mate," he added, shoving Sirius roughly, "is she a good fucking shag?"

"Watch it, James. I didn't come in here to fight you, but that doesn't mean I won't knock your fucking teeth out," Sirius said in a warning tone.

"Oh, well, what's the matter?" James asked in the same caustic voice. "You tell me about every other girl you've ever shagged. Tell me, are you going to dump her off on the side once you get bored with her as usual?"

Sirius clenched his fists and closed his eyes, trying to stay calm.

"If you would just listen to me for a goddamn second, Prongs. It is not like that. This is different!"

And for some reason, James punched Sirius again. He wasn't exactly sure why he did, but it seemed to soften his rage a bit. Sirius rubbed his jaw, looking back James.

"Go on," Sirius said. "Hit me again; I know you want to."

So, that's exactly what James did, and Sirius staggered backwards before letting out a humourless laugh.

"Are you done now?" he asked after spitting blood onto the floor.

James' chest heaved with heavy breaths, his anger dissipating just enough for him to step back and nod once in response.

"That's good," Sirius said.

Sirius then suddenly hit James back, sending his friend's glasses flying off of his face.

"That was for making her cry," Sirius told James. "Now, are you gonna listen to me?"

James wiped at the blood now pouring from his nose, but he didn't say anything.

"Now, I'm trying to tell you that this is different," Sirius said.

"Oh, and how? How's this any different?" James asked, feeling another surge of anger.

"Because I actually love her," Sirius spat back.

James didn't know what to say to that.

"What? Not the answer you thought it was going to be?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

"Or maybe you already knew the answer," he added, "because I refuse to believe that after all these years, you actually think I'd ever do anything to hurt Janie."

James didn't look at him or say anything.

"So, what is it then?" Sirius asked. "Why do you hate the thought of Janie and I being together so much, huh?"

Still, James stayed silent. He wasn't exactly sure of the answer himself. Sirius let out a bitter laugh.

"You don't think I'm good enough for her," he accused. "What? Will Fucking MacGregor is good enough for her but not your best mate? Is that it? Because if it is, just say so; I wanna hear you say it if that's how you feel."

James just shook his head, and the lack of words made Sirius angry.

"Come on, James, just say it! You don't think I'm good enough for her!" Sirius said.

"That's not what it is," James finally said in a weary voice.

"Then, what?"

"I don't know, okay?" James nearly shouted in frustration before finally leaning against the kitchen counter and sinking to the floor. "I just—I saw you with her and something snapped. I just kept thinking of all the stories of every other girl you've ever been with, and something snapped because Jane isn't like that."

"And I know that, mate," Sirius said, sitting beside his friend on the floor. "Believe me, I didn't want you to find out like this. I've tried to tell you a hundred times over, but I just couldn't."

"Well, why not?"

"Well, for starters, I'm very fond of being alive," Sirius half-teased causing James to let out a small laugh. "And I guess, I just didn't want you to hate me."

James shook his head.

"I couldn't hate you," James said. "You're my best mate; you're my brother."

"You realise you literally tried to kill me not half an hour ago?" Sirius teased.

"Oh, come on, mate, you were groping her. How was I supposed to react?"

Sirius let out a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess I sort of had it coming."

"You're damn right you did," James joked.

"You know, you should probably talk to Janie," Sirius told him. "She sort of thinks that you hate her; thinks that you think she's some sort of slag now."

"Yeah, I will," James said, still wiping blood from his face.

"I think you chipped a tooth, mate," Sirius said, feeling one of his teeth with his tongue, causing James to laugh a bit.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you broke my nose," James told him. Then, he sighed and rested his head back against a cupboard. "Why her, mate?"

Sirius shrugged.

"I dunno. She's just—she's Janie," Sirius said.

"It's just weird," James said.

Sirius chuckled. The boys were quiet for a while after that. James touched the bridge of his nose gingerly and winced in pain before looking over at his friend. Sirius had a newly forming black eye and a busted lip and a very worn expression on his face.

"Do you really love her?" James asked seriously, breaking the silence after a while.

Sirius turned his head to the side to look at James.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do," he said after a small pause. "And if it makes you feel any better, we haven't actually slept together yet; we've just been—"

"I don't want to know," James said quickly, holding up his hand to stop Sirius from talking. "I don't wanna know anything. Might make me rethink my position on murdering you."

Sirius laughed as James stood up.

"Fair enough," he said.

James offered his hand to Sirius and helped pull him up from the kitchen floor.

"And, mate, look I guess if you're happy and she's happy then—well, I guess I'm happy for you," he said. "I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still bloody weird, and it'll take some getting used to, and if you hurt her, I'll have to actually murder you, but I suppose I'm happy for you."

"That means a lot, mate."

"I'm serious, Padfoot. You can't hurt her," James said.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Sirius said. Then, he smiled a bit. "Honestly, I thought I would've screwed something up by now. But it's five months in, and she hasn't broken up with me, so that's a good sign."

"That's good. That's— Hang on. Five months? Christ, mate! Think you waited long enough?" James exclaimed.

"In our defence, we tried to tell you. And isn't it really the thought that counts?"

"Oh, shut up."