Author's note: CW for reference to child abuse, mention of near drowning

Big shout out to Felix (somniumfelix on AO3) for all the help for the last scene in this chapter!

Also! Since this chapter has a big music scene I thought this would be the perfect time to throw some links at you! I have two playlists on spotify for Shifting Lines! Since FFN is weird about links, just a reminder these are both at open dot spotify dot com forward slash, then the playlists.

First of all we have the official Shifting Lines Playlist. These are all the songs that have been in the actual story, updated whenever a new song is mentioned: playlist/3MwBBoA2qGF4VIxZhiOTO9?si=33e44f4110e0410f

Then I also have a playlist that has songs that will 100% be in Shifting Lines at some point or another, updated now and then when I think up a scene that involves a song: playlist/5D9EgMJhiMrT1S13JBkfv2?si=a6078c14e3854164

And finally I want to thank everyone for their messages of love and condolence. It's really been rough but posting this story again feels good. I'm really glad to be back!

-x-

Remus was terrified his parents would somehow figure out there had been someone else in the house. However, when they returned from their date they were too wrapped up in each other to notice much of anything. Remus scurried down into the cellar as soon as his nose picked up on what they had done on their date.

Ew, he thought, hiding under his covers with a book. Where did they even manage to do that? The… car? Oh Merlin, if I smell that in the car, I am NEVER getting in there again!

At least their happiness meant they barely noticed… er, well, Remus wasn't entirely sure what they'd notice or if anything would give it away. It also meant Lyall didn't question Remus about his time alone. Still, Remus did the best he could to avoid them that night. He pretty much spent the entire evening in his room, trying to read while worrying about Sirius.

Did he make it to his uncle's? he wondered at sunset. Is his family mad? Is he in trouble?

He wished wizards had something like telephones, or that they had a magicked blackboard to communicate. He'd have to wait till Sirius wrote to him, although he suspected if Sirius was in trouble with his family he wouldn't admit how much.

They hurt him. Remus finally knew and understood this. He had suspected it for a long time, but every time the words floated to the surface of his brain he would tamp them down. It was difficult for him to believe a parent would… hurt their child like that! He knew perfectly well what abuse was, and knew it happened. But to the extent he thought Sirius went through? Those bloody wounds and bruises on his body were from someone who hated him. Who wanted to inflict pain on him.

How could a parent do that? Even ones as awful as the Blacks?

Scars from dark magic, he thought, staring out his window at the darkening sky. Have the Blacks used dark magic on their own son? How else would Sirius get scars? Almost every wound outside of dark magic could be healed easily. Or from most magical creatures, though there was the question over whether a lot of the magical creatures could be considered 'dark' or not. Even though hippogriffs weren't really 'dark' creatures (not like werewolves) the wounds they inflicted sometimes had difficulty healing and could leave scars if one didn't get to a good healer in time.

Either way, scars were from dark arts, and that meant someone had used dark magic on Sirius—

Remus shook his head, getting up from his desk, not wanting to think about it at the moment because he couldn't do anything about it. He felt so helpless. Especially since Sirius denied it.

Dear James

Remus stared at the parchment, not sure what else to write. He wanted to ask James what he thought. About his opinions on Sirius and the Blacks. Surely James suspected or knew. A few weeks ago James had said something about how difficult it was that Sirius (and Remus) were so closed up about some things, so Remus wasn't entirely sure how much he knew.

Dear James

Sirius

Remus swallowed before ripping up the paper, letting the pieces drift into the rubbish bin. He had no idea how to handle this and knew if he went about it the wrong way it would splinter his friendship with Sirius. This felt too… big… for something he could help with.

He thought of Fawley.

But that would be a betrayal if he told her.

Wouldn't it?

-X-

Sirius pulling Remus through the woods, both of them laughing. When they reached the stream, Sirius picked Remus up and threw him in. It wasn't shallow, it was deep. He fell through the water until he was in the hidden lake, twisting around, trying to get to the surface. He screamed for help as everything began fading but the only voice that called back was someone laughing, calling him soulless as—

Remus woke up, gasping for air, clutching at his throat.

I see we're back to nightmares again, he thought, flopping back against his pillow. He tugged at his pajama top, feeling too sweaty despite the coldness of the nightmare.

He rolled onto his side, wishing Sirius was still there with him…

Nobody's perfect.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut and curled into a tiny ball, preferring the nightmare of him drowning to anything like that.

-X-

When morning came, Hope and Lyall were both still in very buoyant moods. Remus decided it was better to show them the certificate when they were like this rather than on a normal day, when Lyall was quick to temper. He had debated on simply sending the certificate back… except this would mean he could definitely take all the electives.

Should I go with the lie of an essay contest or tell them Fawley sent it? he wondered, pushing his breakfast around on his plate. Which would be better? Either would probably anger them. If he said it was Miss Fawley, he figured his father would get angry at the 'charity'. If he said it was an essay contest, he figured his father would get angry at Remus doing something so public. Even though there was no publicity attached to it.

Finally he decided on mixing the two together.

"I got a letter yesterday," he said, plunging in before he could change his mind. His parents gave him curious looks and his father asked if it was the list from the school. "No. Erm. There was this—an essay contest. Miss Fawley entered for me—I mean, we used—used her name. But I won!" He put the certificate on the table. "It's—the prize was—was for Flourish and Blotts."

Neither of his parents spoke for some time then Lyall pulled the certificate closer, eyes narrowing at the amount. "You won? Under… Miss Fawley's name?"

Remus casually set his hands on his thighs, surreptitiously wiping the sweaty palms against the jeans. I've made a mistake, he realized, worried that his father would want to see the letter too. "Yes."

"How come you didn't say anything?" Hope asked.

He shrugged. "I didn't think I'd win. I—I didn't think it was… important." The lies felt sticky in his throat. "Miss Fawley sent it to me yesterday." Lyall was turning the certificate over in his hands. What if he asked who held the competition? What if he wanted proof? "If you want me to send it back to her I will."

Lyall pushed the paper back. "No. You earned it." Then he smiled. "I wonder how many people you beat?" The pride in his voice filled Remus with more joy than he thought possible. He sat straighter in his seat, drinking in the fact he had made his father proud. He wanted his father to say it again, to look at him like that again. He felt almost dizzy with exhilaration.

"He does get very good grades," Hope said in a strangely hollow voice. She picked up her drink, taking a delicate sip. "This will help with your schoolbooks."

Ah. That explained the tone. Anything that reminded her of Hogwarts was no good. "Yes," Remus agreed, picking his fork up, wishing his father would boast about his genius again. "That should pay for everything, if we can get them all secondhand."

He waited, nervously, throughout the rest of breakfast for one of them to say wait! But it didn't happen. The conversation moved on to other things and by the time breakfast ended the certificate hadn't been mentioned again. Remus went back to his room feeling very relieved, yet also very guilty. He couldn't help but feel selfish for accepting the money. It was charity.

A gift, a voice that suspiciously sounded like James whispered in his ear. At least, it sounded as annoying as James usually sounded when he tried to give Remus stuff.

Sighing, Remus got his school books out to try to work on his assignments. Like the day before, it was hard to do much of anything and he mostly just worried about Sirius, hoping to hear from him soon.

-X-

Dear Re'emus 27/7/73

I thought I ought to write to tell you everything is fine. Uncle Alphard was home when I went through the fireplace and my family had no idea I was anywhere else besides his house. Thank you again for helping me. I really appreciate it especially since I know it was a big risk for you. Can't write much, but will write as soon as I can

Gratefully yours, Sirius

Dear Remus, 28/7/73

james was over this weekend and just left and I wanted to send you the pictures of our hike. It went so funny! He didnt last long before he started wining. grandpa kept poking James with his cane and telling him it wuld put hair on his chest. James asked about when girls hiked if they got hair on their chests and grandpa didnt like that too much. Wen we got home james used a sticking spell and stuck a bunch of grass to his chest but his spell was relly really strong and we culdnt get them all off and some of the ones we got riped off left marks. I got a photo to and he told me if I showed anyone he would put snapes pants in my bed. So heres the photos cuz I now he wont go anywhere near snapes pants. Im sending a copy to Sirius to.

May be one day we can all do something in the summer!

Peter

REMUS! 28/7/73

Spain was SO FUN! Im already missing it! It was so nice and you will NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS believe who I ran into there!

PREWETTS

TWO OF THEM!

TWO! OF! THEM!

PROFESSOR PREWETT IS A TWIN!

I ran into who I THOUGHT was Professor Prewett and he said 'excuse me' and started walking off like he didn't know who I was and okay I did think maybe he was pretending not to know me cuz it's ME and you know I couldn't blame him for acting that way but then I yelled PROFESSOR PREWETT! And he stopped and turned and then ANOTHER ONE (the real professor) popped out from another aisle and it was SO WEIRD! but kinda cool. A TWIN! It'd be wild to have a twin. There would be two of me running around Hogwarts. Well I guess I do have Sirius and even though we can't pretend to be each other unless he spends way too much time in the sun and I grow about ten feet, that's good enough.

ALSO I got done visiting Peter and you know what? His grandfather is related to Slughorn! At least that is my hipe hipo hypi theory! He kept talking about things that made no sens to me and called me 'my boy' and hmphed a lot. He's got a big ol stomach and is real old but he ran around those hills like nobody's business while Petey and I couldn't keep up and he kept hitting me with the cane. Peter says he does that afectonately so I guess he likes me? He kept telling me to eat more when we had supper and said I was too skinny. But I had fun! It was nice seeing Petey.

Missing you and Sirius loads

James

-X-

The most difficult thing now was the fact that part of Remus wished Sirius were there every single time he got into bed. He knew this wasn't anything really weird, and it was mostly the fact he missed his friends. Actually, that was the whole thing: he missed his friends, he missed his dorm. Sirius had been, briefly, in his room so of course it was Sirius he thought of.

Except he kept also thinking of the ending of that stupid movie. Nobody's perfect. It wouldn't leave his head and plagued him day in and day out. No matter how many times he told himself that it was comedy, that it was a joke, his brain kept whispering how Osgood didn't care 'Daphne' was really a man! Nor did Jerry seem too put off.

It was a great relief when the school list arrived on the last day of July. It provided a good distraction from unwanted thoughts. Plus, along with the list was a piece of parchment needing his parents' signature so Remus could go on the trips to Hogsmeade which was exciting.

As soon as he opened the list he was glad he decided on keeping the certificate because he needed eleven books!

The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 3, Intermediate Transfiguration, Numerology and Grammatica, A History of Muggles and their Accomplishments, Spellman's Syllabary, The Dictionary of Celtic Runes, The Essential Directory of Magical Creatures, The Care and Keeping of Common Critters, Don't Die! The Complete Guide to Dark Magic, Unfogging the Future, and Comprehending the Cards.

Not to mention he needed a deck of tarot cards on top of refilling his potions kit. There was also a reminder to make sure one's dragonskin gloves were in good condition (which his really weren't). Plus he needed new uniforms, and some new clothes in general, especially pants and socks. It had been ages since he had gotten any new clothing.

When Remus handed the list over he could see a shadow pass over Lyall's eyes.

"Thank Merlin for that essay win," was all he said, handing the list back. There was a tightness in his voice, and Remus felt horrible for needing so many 'new' things. "Also that dark magic book is the English version of the one I used in school. Perhaps you could take my old one—" Then he stopped. "No, it's probably been updated since. If it hasn't been updated, though, you can have my French copy."

"Okay. Um. When are we g-going into Diagon Alley?" Remus asked, wanting to make sure it wouldn't be on the same day as Lily.

Lyall gave an irritated sigh. "I don't know, Remus! Probably Sunday."

"I could take him into Caerphilly tomorrow and buy some things," Hope suggested. "Clothes. Muggle shops are usually cheaper, so we could do that."

So the next morning, shortly after Lyall Apparated to work, Hope and Remus got in the car and drove to Caerphilly where she found some secondhand shops in the Muggle section. Remus stuck close to her inside the shop, as always feeling like there was a glowing sign pointing at him whenever he was in a Muggle place. He knew he had every right to be there, but part of him couldn't help but worry something would happen.

Mum wants me to be more Muggle but how can I? he wondered, sweating as she searched for clothes in his size. Soon they had a pile of weekend clothes for him to try on and Hope weeded out some items she didn't like on him. All of them were too big for him, except for one pair of jeans which actually fit around the waist and hips, though they were a little long and he had to roll the cuffs up.

"I don't know," Hope said, chewing at her nails. "You'll grow out of that quickly."

"Mum, I've barely grown at all since the year started," Remus whined. "Can't I have one pair of trousers I don't need a belt with?"

Hope sighed and nodded; he tried not to grin, excited to have something that actually fit him. Well. Besides the nice outfit James had bought him in the spring but he couldn't mention that!

Next they went to the magical community where they went to a clothing store to try to find uniforms.

"First year?" the clerk asked as he tried to find a uniform in Remus's size.

Remus burned red. "Third," he mumbled.

The clerk hesitated, hands freezing as he reached for a first year uniform—the sort with the tie and accents grey. "Er, right, right. What house?"

"Gryffindor."

The clerk did find a uniform that fit him well but Hope shook her head, requesting for the uniform to be a little bigger. "For him to grow into," she explained, tousling Remus's hair.

Remus scowled, smoothing his hair down. The clerk managed to wrangle up two uniforms that were in good condition and mostly fit Remus. He also got another set of robes and a winter cloak, since his old one was practically falling apart. The winter cloaks were supposed to have 'silver' fastenings but the one that Remus had gotten for his first year only looked silver. The clerk tried to give him one with real silver and Remus panicked, having no idea how to say no. Hope asked if they had any with fake silver, to be less expensive, and the clerk said no, they only had silver.

"Yes, that will be fine, then," Hope said.

Remus tried not to stare at her, unable to believe his ears. As soon as they were walking down the street he hissed out, "Have you gone mad? The cloak has silver!"

"I know," Hope said, voice a little shaky. "However we couldn't exactly say no after saying how much we needed one, it would be too suspicious. I'll remove it, and use the fastening from your old cloak."

"Oh." Remus felt a little stupid for not thinking of that.

They walked down the block, turned the corner, went another block and into Otillie's. That was it, that was the name, and there wasn't a description anywhere about what it sold, though it was obvious by the window displays that it sold used goods.

"Hello, how c—" Lyall stopped his greeting and his fake customer smile turned into a genuine one. "Ah, Hope, darling." He came around the counter to give her a kiss. "Remus," he added, patting Remus's shoulder. "Did you manage to find anything?

Hope held up the bags. "Yes, we've got casual clothes in the car and we found the things needed for his uniform."

"Only two," Remus pointed out. "I should have one or two more." He did not want to go back to school with only two uniforms!

Lyall bobbed his head. "Yes, we'll look when we go into Diagon on Sunday."

"We are for sure going on Sunday?" Remus asked.

Lyall gave him a strange look. "Yes. I work the rest of the week."

Remus mumbled what might have been an apology and wandered off to look at some of the items for sale. He thought Lily wasn't going until the eleventh which put him in the clear. He only hoped nobody else would be there that knew him. The other students in his Study Group—though he was thinking about quitting that. He didn't… really need it anymore. At first, it was nice to see other points of views regarding the assignments but he often felt… more advanced than them. Which was probably cocky and conceited to think, but really throughout his second year his time spent in Study Group was him feeling more bored than anything else.

His favorite way to study was helping other people with their assignments. Going over the other Marauders' essays and homework was great fun for him, and he and Lily had been helping a first year Muggleborn named Mary Macdonald. That was fun too.

Plus Study Group had Raven Craft and Matilda Twycross, two of the snobbiest, rudest, most know-it-all students in their year.

I should probably stay for Aegis though, he thought as he picked up a crystal ball. I wonder what it's going to be like, learning to use this? He peered into the ball, trying to see anything. All he really saw was some fog and his own reflection stretched out in a funny way. I wonder who else is taking Divination? He set the crystal ball down, checking the price. Two galleons, yikes.

"Dad?" He went back to his parents. "Do you have any tarot cards for sale? I do need a deck for Divination."

Lyall frowned. "I don't believe so. Hold on." He went back behind the counter, getting out the inventory book. He tapped it with his wand and the pages flipped rapidly. "No, we'll have to get that in Diagon too. We do have some dragonskin gloves that might fit you." He disappeared down an aisle and returned with a pair of gloves. Remus slipped them on. They were a bit big, but in much better condition than the pair he had been using for the past two years. Dragonskin gloves usually lasted a very long time but of course his pair had been more than well-used.

"Miss Otillie?" Lyall opened the door to the stairs that led to the upstairs flat. "I'm going to purchase the dragonskin gloves for Remus, if that is all right—"

There was a thud and then a second later a small elderly lady was clomping down the stairs with a cane. "Remus?" she squawked out then glared at Lyall. "Why didn't you tell me they were coming?! Hope!" She went to give Hope a hug then turned to Remus. Remus stood nervously, always feeling strange when he was around Miss Crouch, which wasn't often. Last time they had seen each other she had given him a lollipop. This time she pawed around in her pocket until she produced an ancient-looking toffee. "Here." She took his hand, pushing the toffee into it. "There you go."

"Th—thank you."

"Eh? Speak up."

Remus cleared his throat. "Th—th-thank you," he said louder.

She pat his head then turned back to Lyall. "Yes, you can buy those, employee discount. Bring your family more often. It's good to see them." And with that she clomped back up the stairs to her flat.

Remus looked at the toffee in his hand, wrinkling his nose slightly. The polite thing would be to eat it however he stuck it in his pocket to toss into a rubbish bin later.

Lyall hung up a sign saying they were closed for lunch, and the Lupins went to a nearby park where Hope unpacked the lunch she had brought for them to enjoy together. It was a warm day and a light breeze ruffled through Remus's hair while he ate his sandwich. He spent most of his time tuning out his parents and watching a group of little kids playing on the playground. It made him miss his friends even more.

One month, he thought as he drank the rest of his juice. One month and I'll be on the train with them.

He just hoped he could get through another month of being home.

-X-

Dear Lily, 2/8/73

Thank you for your most recent letter. I don't know if I'll be able to make it into Diagon Alley on the eleventh, however I will try my best to convince my parents.

All right, while I do think it is VERY funny you filled Petunia's best dress pockets with tadpoles, I don't think I can blame your parents for grounding you again. I'm not sure how expensive whizzing worms are but if you don't mind the risk I feel like THAT would be quite a SPECTACULAR thing to use against her. If, of course, you want revenge for what she did with your poster of the Hufflepuffskeins. Oh! Speaking of the Hufflepuffskeins I have not had the opportunity to hear their newest song. I spent as much time today as I could listening to the wizarding rock station, however they didn't play it before my mother decided the music was too 'awful'. Are your parents like that too? It feels like my mother doesn't want to see me as a teenager. I suppose that's in line with your mother's reaction to the skirt you wanted to buy. How short was it again? I suppose I don't know much about girls' fashion but I can't imagine you wearing anything scandalous.

What do you think of our new Defense Against the Dark Arts book? It also said to bring Battling the Dark from last year. I wonder who our new professor will be? Or what they'll be like?

If I don't see you in Diagon Alley, I'll see you on the first of September.

Yours, Remus

-X-

Saturday was very hot out. Too hot to go outside and do anything. Too hot to do much besides opening windows and laying around fanning oneself. Remus stayed down in the cellar where it was the coolest, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and pants. He had set up a breeze spell to fan air on Arthur, worried about his owl, but Arthur mostly just slept, not seeming to be too bothered by the heat.

All the doors were open to encourage airflow so he could hear his mother upstairs, though she wasn't doing much either. She didn't even do any housework, didn't even fix lunch for herself or Remus.

Need to learn a nice cooling spell, he thought, one arm flung across his face. There was probably one somewhere in the house but it was too hot to go searching.

Laying there not doing much else meant he had a lot of time to think, even though most of his thoughts were hazy and slow. Hope was playing music and he tried to focus on that but his brain kept drifting to other things. At first he thought about the nightmares—about the night he was bitten. Those proved to be too… heavy… to deal with so he let his mind wander elsewhere.

Unfortunately, his mind wandered to Sirius. Of Sirius offering to share a bed when Remus had his nightmares. Of Sirius picking him up, threatening to throw him in the water. Of Sirius smiling, of Sirius laughing, of Sirius staring intently at Remus with that silvery gaze…

His body began reacting like it often did: feeling wobbly all over, kinda dizzy, heart pounding, and an aching feeling deep inside his chest.

It's not like that, he thought, lowering his arm a little so it was across his eyes instead of his forehead. He had brought these feelings up ages ago to Lily—not saying who they were about—and she insisted it meant he fancied the person who made him feel this way which was… beyond ridiculous. He didn't fancy Sirius. He hadn't fancied Professor Prewett either, the other person who sparked these feelings inside of Remus. Though thinking about Professor Prewett now didn't seem to be as awful as thinking of Sirius.

Okay, stop thinking about this, think about anything besides this! he begged himself, gritting his teeth. But just as he shifted his thoughts to what his new lessons might be like, a new song started playing.

My love must be a kind of blind love… I can't see anyone but you…

Great, a romantic song. Remus tried to block it out but the slow chords and smooth voice slid into his head. There was something about the way the guy was singing that resonated within him. Something about the music itself wrapped tightly around Remus.

Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright…

He swallowed, a shiver going down his spine, the image of Sirius filling his head again. He didn't want this, he didn't want this! But it also felt so good. Comforting, even with the deep ache still inside of him.

I only have eyes for you dear…

Except he was also feeling hotter, a lot hotter than before. He tugged at his shirt, trying to cool down. The heat was overwhelming.

Consuming him.

He really wanted Sirius there.

Close to him.

The moon may be high… but I can't see a thing in the sky…

An image, unbidden, of being in Sirius's arms. Wanting to be in his arms. Wanting to be held by him, to be k—

A sharp pain shot through his body and he sat upright, clutching his chest, trying to catch his breath. The images combined with the almost sultry song was powerful. Too powerful. He gave a little whimper, trying to cover his ears to no avail.

I only have eyes for you…

The hazy memory of the dream where he was on a date with Sirius filled his head, the one where Sirius said those awful, annoying, persistent words. Nobody's perfect.

Remus's imagination then slid towards the two of them dancing. To this song. In Sirius's arms. He began taking in quick breaths as he tried to fight off the dizzy excitement churning inside of him.

I don't know if we're in a garden…

He slid out of bed, nearly falling to the floor with how weak his legs had gone. It hurt, his chest hurt so much, and his limbs felt so wrong and weird, like they didn't belong. His brain wouldn't stop picturing him in Sirius's arms. Sirius, wearing that suit he wore to the dance last December, that dazzling smile on his face.

The two of them.

Together.

Remus wanted—

Or on a crowded avenue…

No, no, no! HE DIDN'T WANT!

He did NOT want ANYTHING like that, did not want to be held by Sirius—a boy! Did not want to be kissed by Sirius—a boy!

Not boys.

NOT BOYS!

Girls.

He needed to be held by a GIRL!

You are here…

He staggered to the bathtub, turning on the cold water, hardly able to see as the water began filling up. Everything was blending together rapidly. All the wrong feelings, all the wobbliness he felt throughout the past months, all the discomfort, all his inward determination that it didn't mean anything—

And so am I…

Without bothering to take anything off he plunged down into the cold. He gave a loud gasp and his body jerked at the iciness, his head banging against the rim of the tub. A few tears burned in his eyes but he wasn't sure if it was from hitting his head, or from his world tearing itself apart.

Maybe millions of people go by...

He sank down into the cold water, hands pressed against his face as his body slowly stopped shaking with wrong feelings and instead began shaking from the cold.

But they all disappear from view…

Sirius, all he could think of was his (male, male, male) best friend and it was wrong—

(nobody's perfect)

WRONG!

I only have eyes…

I'm not, he thought desperately. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!

For you…

I'm not! He slid completely underwater as the song slowly ended and a new thought emerged in his head; huge, bold, demanding to be heard.

… am I?