CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-TWO

For the longest moment, no one said anything. Jane felt Sirius shift uncomfortably beside her, and he removed his arm from her shoulders. However, he grabbed her hand, squeezing it in a comforting way. Jane lightly squeezed back.

She stared at her father, taking in his appearance. He looked okay. In fact, he looked better. He didn't have that worn expression that she was so used to seeing him with; though, his brown hair was now starting to turn grey, and the wrinkles in his forehead and around his eyes had gotten deeper. Despite his ageing, he seemed fine, and Jane didn't know whether she should be happy or sad that her father had done seemingly well on his own.

Then, something unexpected, yet not entirely unwanted happened. Jane's father smiled at her. Well, it was really more of the beginnings of a smile, but it was enough for Jane to release a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding in. Sirius, however, scowled at the man; though, Mr. Hensworth didn't seem to notice that Sirius was there at all. That soon changed.

Mr. Hensworth suddenly made to step forward, opening his mouth to say something, but Sirius reacted quickly to the movement. He pulled Jane back a bit and moved to stand in front of her, not acknowledging the frown on her face as he did so. Jane's father stopped in his tracks and finally looked at Sirius, who stared back with cold eyes.

Mr. Hensworth, recognised Sirius as one of Jane's school friends, but couldn't remember which one he was. He vaguely remembered seeing this boy a year ago on the last day he'd seen his daughter. To Mr. Hensworth, it felt like a whole lifetime.

The air around them had grown tense, and now, it was Jane's turn to shift uncomfortably, looking down at her shoes. Mr. Hensworth's eyes flashed back to his daughter for a brief moment. He had honestly never expected to see her on his doorstep again, not after what he'd done, but there she was. He had so much to say to her. He didn't know if he'd actually be able to put it all in words, but he figured he at least had to try. She deserved that much.

He turned his attention back to Sirius and finally settled for introducing himself to try and ease some of the lingering tension. Mr. Hensworth stuck out his hand to Sirius.

"I'm Patrick Hensworth, Jane's father."

Jane looked back up at her father. His voice sounded gruffer than she remembered it, and it shook a little as though he were unsure of his words.

Jane looked at Sirius, who only glanced down at Mr. Hensworth's outstretched hand before staring back at him with the same cold stare.

"I know who you are."

At Sirius' curt response, Jane looked back down at her shoes, and when it became obvious that Sirius had no intention of shaking Mr. Hensworth's hand, he let it drop back to his side, repressing a sigh.

Mr. Hensworth opened the door a bit more and stepped to the side and motioned for them to come in the house. Sirius stayed rooted to the spot, and Jane had to shove him to get him to move.

Jane sat down on the couch and pulled Sirius down beside her. Another silent moment passed before Mr. Hensworth said something about putting a kettle on as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Please, be nice," Jane begged Sirius.

Sirius crossed his arms and leaned back into the couch, clicking his tongue in annoyance.

"Why the bloody hell should I?"

"He's my dad," Jane said in a voice so small that Sirius almost didn't catch it.

Sirius' frown deepened at her words.

"You can't keep using that excuse, Janie."

"It's not an excuse," she lied half-heartedly.

Sirius' eyes flicked around the sitting room, spotting a mirror on the wall.

"I see he got that mirror replaced," he spat out.

Jane looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Please," she whispered.

At this, Sirius' face softened for a fraction of a second before he returned to scowling at the wall. They both sat in silence for a long time before Jane's father returned, precariously carrying three cups of tea. He sat them on the coffee table, taking a seat in the armchair.

"Earl Grey is still your favourite, I presume?"

Jane smiled and nodded in response as she took her cup from the table. Sirius scowled and remained unmoving. Mr. Hensworth looked at him.

"We have sugar if you—"

"I'm more of a coffee drinker," Sirius stated.

"You don't drink coffee," Jane said.

"I could start," he snapped back, his glare never leaving her father.

Mr. Hensworth nervously took a sip of his tea before trying once more to ease the tension.

"So, you're one of Jane's school friends then?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"I'm her boyfriend. Of course, I didn't expect you to know that because that would've required you to actually give a shi—"

"How have you been?" Jane blurted out loudly, cutting Sirius off a bit too late.

Mr. Hensworth slowly returned his gaze to Jane, whose cheeks were now flushed from either embarrassment or anger or both, he couldn't tell.

"Better," he informed her.

"Oh," Jane said awkwardly. "Well, that's…good."

She quickly took a sip of tea to avoid looking at him.

"Well, I mean, I suppose I have been. I've been trying to work through my problems. I've been going to meetings. I've been sober for four and a half months now," he said, the words leaving his mouth in a way that sounded forced and uncertain as though it took all his strength to say them aloud.

Jane took a minute to process the information.

"That's really good, Dad," she finally said, managing a small smile.

From beside Jane, Sirius let out a humourless laugh as he shook his head slightly. Jane stiffened slightly, silently praying that he wouldn't say anything but bracing herself for the impact of his words nonetheless.

"Yeah, that's just peachy," he said. "So, where exactly were you for those four and a half months? Because I don't recall Janie mentioning a letter or visit or anything really that indicated that you were trying to get back in touch with her."

"Sirius, stop," Jane half warned, half pleaded.

"No, I seriously want to know what his excuse was," Sirius continued. "I mean, he completely missed an entire year of your life. Don't you think you deserve some sort of explanation for that?"

"I said stop it!" Jane said, placing her cup of tea onto the table a little more forcefully than she meant to, causing the tea to splash over the side of the cup.

"Why?" Sirius demanded, sitting up straighter. "So I can just sit here and watch you blindly forgive and forget everything he's done to you?"

"I haven't forgotten anything," she replied quieter now, "but you're acting like a prat, and you need to calm down."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Janie," Sirius said, standing up from his spot on the sofa. "The man's hurt you more times than I can count, and I'm supposed to what? Sit here and make small talk with him?"

"I never asked you to be here," Jane said, rising from her seat as well.

"Yeah, well, someone had to come, didn't they?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means someone's gotta be here to pick you up when he inevitably lets you down again," Sirius replied harshly.

"Get out," Jane said, pointing to the door. "Get out of my house."

Sirius scoffed.

"Your house? Last I checked, you didn't live here anymore because of him," he said. "Or did you just forget?"

"Just because you don't get to have a family, doesn't mean that I don't get to have one either," Jane spat back.

For a brief moment, Jane saw a look of genuine hurt cross Sirius' face before it hardened back into its angry state. Her hand flew up to her mouth, eyes wide, and she shook her head slightly, immediately regretting her words. Sirius looked away and blinked hard for a few seconds, his mouth clamped shut as though he were refraining from retaliating before he looked back to her.

"Do whatever the hell you want, Janie."

With that, Sirius turned to leave the room, and Jane quickly followed.

"Sirius, wait. I didn't mean it."

Sirius didn't listen, and as soon as he had put enough distance between them, he disapparated with a loud crack, leaving Jane to stare at the place he'd disappeared with stinging eyes. She blinked rapidly and swallowed back the lump forming in her throat before turning back to look at her father, who had also risen from his chair but had not ventured too far away from it.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just—I just wanted to see you, and to let you know that I-I've graduated and that I'm moving to London. And-and I'm planning to start uni in Autumn."

Jane stopped and let out a ragged breath.

"I have to go. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jane took long strides towards the door, and when her hand grabbed the doorknob, her father spoke.

"I was going to write," he said tentatively, stopping Jane in her tracks for a moment. "I was going to write you, but I was scared. I thought that maybe-maybe you wouldn't want to hear from me after all this time. And nothing I wrote down ever seemed good enough, just like nothing I'm saying now sounds good enough."

Jane bit her lip to keep it from quivering, her hand still frozen on the doorknob as she listened.

"But I do want you to know that I'm sorry and that I love you very much," he finally said. "And that I'm proud to have you as my daughter."

A few tears finally escaped Jane's eyes as she felt her heart crack open at the words she'd wanted to hear for so long.

"I love you too, Dad," she said, sparing him a look and a small smile, "but I have to go after him. I'm sorry."

And with that, Jane pushed open the door before she could convince herself to stay like she very much wanted to do.

Jane searched for Sirius for a few hours. He wasn't at the flat in London. James had said that he had never returned to the Potters', and even if he had, Bonnie was still parked outside. She searched the forest behind the Potters' and the pubs in town and the ones near the flat in London, coming up empty handed each time.

Jane finally gave up after James told her that if Sirius didn't want to be found then she wouldn't find him no matter how hard she tried. It was best to just wait it out. So, that was exactly what she did. She sat down on the front steps of the Potters' house and waited.

It was well into the evening now, and James' parents had returned from London. Mr. Potter didn't seem too concerned; apparently, Sirius had done this before. However, Jane had never known him to do this, but maybe that was because over their years at Hogwarts whenever he'd disappear from his friends, she was usually tagging along with him or had been the one that had told him to go away in the first place.

"Mum says supper's almost ready."

"I'm not hungry," Jane said, her eyes never leaving the front gate.

James sighed and sat down beside her on the steps.

"I screwed up, James," Jane said.

James shrugged, having already been told what had happened.

"Yeah, it was a pretty shitty thing to say," he admitted, "but come on, which one of us hasn't said something awful to the other at one point? I mean, even Peter and Remus have said some questionable things over the years, and they're supposed to be the good friends. We apologise; we forgive; we move on. You and Sirius should know that better than all of us."

"This is different. I've never said something so cruel."

"Yes, you have," James shot back with a small laugh. "You know exactly what buttons to push to make someone upset—something you, no doubt, picked up from Sirius himself over the years. It's just not a tactic you use as often as he does."

Jane remained quiet, and James sighed again.

"Look, you and Sirius fight all the time; it's always been that way. That doesn't go away because you're dating each other now. Trust me, Lily and I still fight all the time. If love were some sort of magical miracle cure that made everyone happy all the time then no one would ever have to work at their relationship."

Jane finally looked up at James.

"He'll get over it," James assured her with a smile.

Jane smiled a bit and shook her head.

"James Potter, when did you get so wise?" she asked, leaning into his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I always have been," he said causing Jane to roll her eyes before they settled back on the front gate.

Jane sighed and furrowed her brow.

"Why is he so against me wanting to make things work with my father? Do I not have a right to want my dad back?"

"You can't blame him, Jane. He's just trying to protect you," James said. "He doesn't really have much reason to like your father. Honestly, I don't like your father very much."

"I know," Jane sighed, "but you never really got to know who he was before everything happened; you don't know how he used to be. He always tried his hardest to be there for me when Mum wasn't."

James didn't say anything, so Jane continued.

"Mum's episodes started about the time I turned nine, I think. It could've been before; I can't remember, but nine was when I started to notice.

"It started off small. Some days she'd be too tired to take Sarah and I to the park after school, so we'd just watch the telly instead. Other days, she wouldn't wake up in time to make breakfast, so I'd just eat toast and jam before school; it was the only breakfast food I knew how to make at nine, and Dad was usually gone to work by the time I was up. Then, there were times she'd forget to wash my school uniforms when they were all dirty, so I'd have to go to school with a stain or something on my shirt. And then, I'd come home crying because some kid would have made fun of me for having dirty clothes, and that'd usually snap her out of it for a bit.

"Of course, Dad noticed, and he always tried to make it up to me somehow. Like on the days Mum wouldn't take us to the park, he'd take us out for ice cream when he got home from work. Or on the days I didn't have breakfast, he'd take me out to eat for supper. He was always trying to make it better.

"Then, the episodes got worse. One day she might not even come out of her room at all. Of course, on school days it didn't matter as much because I carpooled with Sarah and her mum to school in the mornings. But then, one day would eventually turn to two. When the episodes started to get really bad, I'd go almost a whole week without seeing her.

"When Dad was home, it wasn't too bad. I still had someone to cook supper for me and talk to. Of course, my dad had to travel a lot for work. If Mum was having one of her episodes, he'd cancel the trip altogether. But sometimes, her episodes wouldn't start until after he was already gone. Though, it'd usually end before he got back, and I just wouldn't tell him about it.

"I remember this one time, he went up to Leeds for a whole week. Second day in, Mum started having one of her episodes, and it was a really bad one. Sarah's mum had this rule about how late friends could stay over on school days, though she probably would've let me stay over if I had told her what was going on; I didn't. I can't even count how many canned vegetables and peanut butter sandwiches I ate that week for supper because I had no one to cook for me.

"When Dad got back from that trip, Mum still hadn't gotten better. He was livid. He threatened to leave and take me with him. It was one of the worst arguments they'd ever had. I remember him screaming at her; I had never heard him scream at her before. She cried and said that she'd do better, and she did…until right before my tenth birthday.

"Mum used to make me a cake with strawberry frosting and blue candles every year for my birthday. It'd be waiting in the kitchen for when I got home from school. Dad would always get off work early so he could be at home before I got back from school so that he could sing me 'Happy Birthday' and watch me blow out the candles.

"I knew she had been having one of her episodes, but I didn't expect her to forget what day it was. When I got home, the cake was there and so was my dad. Mum wasn't though. Dad said she wasn't feeling well, but that she had still made the cake for me. And I believed him for a while before I found the box from the bakery. Then, it suddenly made since why Sarah's mum took the long way 'round to home after she picked us up from school that day. Dad must've gotten home early and saw that Mum never made the cake and went to beg his friend at the bakery for a last minute cake. Sarah's mum was probably just giving him some extra time to get back home."

Jane sighed.

"I never told him that I knew though. He had tried so hard to spare my feelings, and I just couldn't let him know that it was all for nothing," she said.

"I'm sorry that all that happened to you," James finally spoke up, and Jane just shrugged.

"It's not as bad as some kids get," she admitted. "The point is, it would've been a lot worse if my dad hadn't been there for me. So, maybe you can see why it's a bit difficult for me to just forget about him."

"Have you told Sirius about any of this?" James asked.

"You honestly think he'd listen?"

"Well, you won't know until you try, will you?" James half-teased, shaking her playfully, causing her to laugh.

"Now, come on," James said, standing up and pulling Jane up with him. "Let's go eat."

"I'm waiting on Sirius," she said.

"If Sirius wants to have supper then he knows what time to be here. You sitting out here on an empty stomach isn't going to make him decide to come back any quicker," James said, pulling her into the house without another word.

Sirius never did show up for supper. After hours, James had finally managed to convince Jane and his mother, who was now worried that something bad might have happened to Sirius, that he was probably just staying the night at the flat in London. However, Jane stayed up till midnight anyway on the front steps of the Potters' house, just staring at the front gate because thinking of Sirius sleeping on their sofa (their bed had not yet been delivered to their flat) made her upset. She didn't want him falling asleep before she'd gotten a chance to apologise.

As much as Jane wanted to go check the flat in London again, she figured she'd worn out her welcome on the Knight Bus for that day. So finally, she walked back inside and changed into her night clothes. But instead of sleeping in her own room, she walked over to Sirius' and climbed in his bed, snuggling into his blankets, and burying her face into his pillow, inhaling his scent deeply before managing to drift off to sleep.

It wasn't long after drifting off that Jane was awoken by the door of the room creaking open slowly. She felt the bed shift; she was facing the other direction, but she knew it was Sirius when he lay beside her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to him, sighing into her hair.

"James reckoned you'd stay at the flat tonight," Jane mumbled in a sleepy voice.

Sirius sighed again, this time in a more exasperated way.

"I'm not staying at our flat without you," he informed her.

Jane was silent for a moment. She just listened to his breathing, feeling the gentle puffs of air tickling the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered, "for what I said. I didn't mean it."

Sirius pulled Jane tighter after she spoke and placed a light kiss on her shoulder in a comforting way.

"I know, love. I know."

Jane shifted in his arms, turning so that she was now facing him. She nuzzled her face into his chest and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry for being an arse when you asked me not to be," he continued.

"That's okay; I understand," Jane told him. "You don't have to like him, but he is my father, and I don't plan on giving up on him anytime soon."

Sirius didn't say anything; he only kissed the top of her head in response.

"I love you, Sirius," Jane said after a moment of silence.

"I love you too, Janie," Sirius replied. "Even if you are sleeping on my side of the bed," he added, causing Jane to chuckle sleepily.

"Don't ruin the moment," she said, causing Sirius to chuckle lightly as well.

"And for the record, this is my side," Jane added before drifting back off to sleep as Sirius just chuckled again and pulled her even closer.