Author's note: CW internalized homophobia, imaging the feeling of needles, scratching at own skin.

-x-

It took several showers for James, Sirius, and Peter to completely get rid of the stench of the stink cloud following them all day, but thankfully Peeves took the clouds off them around curfew. Remus was able to sleep without worry of any smelliness, though he did have nightmares of Peeves somehow turning him into a werewolf in front of everyone. He woke up at some point, crying softly into his hands at the image of so many hateful, angry eyes glittering at him from the abyss of sleep. He heard Sirius stir, and quickly lay back down, pretending to still be asleep when Sirius came over.

"Remus?" Sirius poked his head in, watching Remus 'sleep'. "Oh. Okay." He retreated back to his own bed and Remus curled up into a ball, feeling bad for faking being asleep… but not really wanting comfort at the moment.

Even though the magnetizing spell had only been active for a short while, Remus felt extremely uncomfortable the next day. He rubbed his arms, imagining people sliding towards him, imagining people touching him. His skin felt raw at the mere thought, and it was agony when any of his friends touched him. When Lily brushed her arm against his at breakfast he almost screamed.

"Is Tuesday fine for you two?" Remus asked James and Peter when he and the Marauders met up on the way to Muggle Studies, doing his best to keep away from them without being obvious about it.

"Tuesday is good with me," James said brightly, as always too energetic for the morning.

"Yeah, that works for me too," Peter yawned.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, a smile curling the ends of his lips. "Man, glad I don't need to work myself to the bone to learn Occlumency!"

Peter whirled around and kicked at Sirius's ankles. "Twat. Showoff."

Sirius danced back, giggling. "Aw, more time to spend with just Remus though!" He put an arm around Remus, yanking him in close. "You and me can have fun while these two practice Occlumency!"

Remus squirmed, feeling like a balloon about to pop at being held. It felt like his skin might peel away, leaving him nothing but an empty soul to drift away. He wished he could just drift away! "Leggo!" he whined, finally managing to get loose. He staggered back, fixing his hair, hoping Sirius wouldn't try grabbing him again. "But—but yes. Perhaps we can work on homework."

Sirius glowered. "Perhaps no. We can work on… er… pranks. Prank-planning. Come up with something absolutely brilliant, just the two of us."

Remus couldn't help but smile at that thought. "Perhaps." He wondered if he would be spending a full hour each week with only Sirius. A shiver went through his body, and he wasn't really sure how to feel about it. Excited? Nervous? He shouldn't be any of that. Sirius was his friend.

His… very… good-looking friend…

Remus shook the thoughts from his head, refusing to face what he knew. "Or perhaps," he continued, trying to sound lofty, "you could do your homework for once!"

"BORING!" Sirius shouted and Remus made a show of rolling his eyes and huffing.

"Maybe you should tell Professor Lewis her homework is boring," he said as they reached the door, knowing perfectly well none of them considered Muggle Studies homework to be boring. It was the only class they enjoyed doing work for. Even the essays! Besides the musical essay, they had had another essay assigned the previous week, when Remus wasn't there; they were to look up famous Muggle artwork in their books and write how the art made them feel. Remus wondered if all the essays would be like that: how they felt. Not to mention the fact Lewis was very generous with her grading. Judging from the first essay, as long as you showed some enthusiasm she'd give you a good grade. All four Marauders had been given Os for their musical essays, even with Peter's poor spelling and James's long tangents that had nothing to do with the essay at all.

Today's lesson didn't have much to do with art, though; instead, Lewis showed them films of various Muggle machines. Most notably aircrafts, how Muggles flew. They watched footage of hot air balloons, dirigibles, airplanes, and helicopters.

"So they have their own LiftAways!" James cried out with a laugh when they saw the hot air balloons.

Lewis also talked about the two World Wars, talking at great length about the bombing England endured. "A lot of your parents and grandparents will know about this, it even affected the Wizarding world," Lewis said, sitting on her desk with her feet dangling like a kid. "Many London families retreated to family homes in the countryside with their children. In fact, several spells were invented during this time in hopes of keeping ones home safe from a bomb! Many protection spells were put on Diagon Alley especially during that time, and continue to last to this day." Lewis began swinging her legs. "One particular story is about the Colgate family. Their London home was bombed, but due to the protection spells they had on them, it stood well. Far too well. They quickly had to put many spells on their house to make it look like it had been ruined, so the Muggles wouldn't suspect anything."

Lewis frowned. "World War Two was one point in time where Muggle and Wizarding lives brushed together more than ever. Many Purebloods tried their best to pretend they didn't know what was going on. To pretend they never knew what was going on outside their homes."

Remus thought about his home, about his little wolf room which used to be a bomb shelter. It was strange to think a Muggle war gave him that cellar room.

"The Ministry insisted everyone continue on like usual. Like World War One, there was a great divide between those who wished to help and those who wished to bury their heads in the sand." The bitterness was all too clear in Lewis's voice. "Many witches took on jobs as Muggle nurses to do what they could to help the injured, using a little bit of magic and potions to help heal those who needed it, as a way to get around the order not to interfere. Other witches and wizards did what they could. Helping put out fires and rescuing Muggles from bombed areas."

Remus was fascinated by this. Hardly any magical books discussed this war, and he never even thought or realized what some of wizarding kind would do to step in. Then Lewis talked about the Muggleborn children who got the news during this time, and those who came shortly after. Remus realized Myrtle would have been one of them! She had died in the early to mid forties. She would have been one of those Muggleborn children whisked away from the war! She started in 1940…

"Yes, Mr. Lupin?"

"Wh-when d-d-did the bombing on England st-start?" he asked, unable to remember from what little he knew.

Lewis tilted her head. "The Blitz began in September of 1940."

So, Myrtle would have come to school just before the bombing started. Still… it'd be very interesting to talk to her about this.

Lewis didn't talk much more about the war, instead going on more about advancements in Muggle flying. Then she said on Tuesday they'd watch their first film. "It has to do World War Two, magic, and flying," she said, eyes twinkling excitedly. "I think it will be interesting for you all to see one of the ways Muggles might view magic!"

She dismissed class at ten-fifteen, a good half hour before the lesson was supposed to end. Remus stretched his arms out, purposely going slow as he gathered his things. He told his friends he'd be a moment before he approached Lewis. She was bent over her desk writing something, long dangling earrings making chiming sounds as they swayed with her body movement.

"Yes?" She lifted her gaze, smiling at him.

"I w-w-was wondering if we—if we would be learning m-more about the World Wars," he stammered out, clutching his satchel, feeling awkward.

"Oh, yes," she promised. "Not only the World Wars but the other wars as well."

"Did… did you…" Remus wasn't sure how to ask his other question. It seemed so tactless.

"Hmm?"

"The—the se-second war," he whispered, blushing slightly. "Did you… see any of it?" He wasn't sure of her age though thought she was in her forties or early fifties. Was it a horribly rude question? "I'm s-sorry, I—"

But Lewis was laughing. "Yes. I was in my mid-twenties when the war began. Don't give me that," she added when Remus's eyes widened and he started to protest she couldn't be that old. "Did you have any specific question?"

He wasn't sure. "I—it—it's only I g-guess it surprised me wh-when you said that—that some magical folk did what they c-could to get around the Ministry's order n-not to interfere. I was… curious about that."

Lewis studied him for a few seconds then pulled a new piece of parchment over, scribbling some things down. "Here." She pushed the paper over. "These books might be of interest to you."

Remus picked up the scrap of paper, staring at four different book titles with author names. "Th-thank you." He tucked it in his pocket and hurried out to join his friends.

-x-

Remus didn't have another free period that day, and he was unable to get away from his friend during the morning's free period. After supper he met with Jean-Marie and their session went on longer than either of them meant to, so Remus didn't think he had time to talk to Myrtle before he'd have to get back to the tower. Instead, he searched the history section of the library, finding two of the books Lewis had suggested.

That evening he read the accounts of witches who went undercover as Muggle nurses. Almost all were anonymous, however a few had names attached, those courageous enough to admit they flew in the face of the Ministry's orders. One was Caroline Potter… James's great-aunt! Remus looked up from the book at James who was currently bouncing on his bed, talking a mile a minute about something or other, while Sirius sat on his trunk, idly flipping through a magazine.

"J-James?"

"Eh?"

Remus closed his book, setting it aside. "Do you talk to your extended family much? The Potters?"

James stopped bouncing. "Uhhhh, I dunno, kinda, I guess. Why?"

"I—your—you've a relative named Caroline, don't you?" Remus asked innocently.

James resumed bouncing. "Yup, my great-aunt. Why?"

"I read her name in a book."

"Yeah, doesn't surprise me, she's done a lot of things. Hey Sirius, watch this—OWWWW!" James broke off into howling when his attempted front flip failed and his heel came down hard on his headboard. "Shitshitshit!"

Sirius unhelpfully laughed, falling off the trunk, while Peter and Remus dashed to James's side. His skin was split open and blood was pouring out. When Sirius saw the blood his laughter died immediately and he bolted over as well.

"We better get you to Pomfrey," Peter said while Remus scrambled for some bandages. He felt his nose itching and guilt seeping into his bones even though it wasn't really his fault. He just felt like it was. If James hadn't stopped to talk to him, then maybe the flip would have gone differently. Maybe Remus distracted him too much.

"Here, so you don't bleed everywhere on the way." Remus sat down with James's foot in his lap, peeling off the sock and carefully wrapping bandages around his ankle. It was bruising pretty nastily. "Can you walk?"

"Dunno." James bit his lip and Remus put his hand flat against the bottom of James's foot, asking him to press. James shrieked with pain again when he tried. "Guess not."

Sirius easily scooped him up. "I'll carry you."

James wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck. "My hero!" he said breathlessly, tossing his head back with a slight giggle. "Ow."

"Serves you right," muttered Spinnet from his bed.

James flipped a middle finger over Sirius's shoulder as he was carried out.

-x-

On Friday when he woke up, he felt even worse than the day before when it came to touching and interacting with people. Not just people;his shower hurt. He shuddered when the spray of water hit his skin and he backed up, feeling as though it was a spray of needles and not water. It was so much agony that he couldn't finish his shower; he turned it off and dove out, gritting his teeth as he dried off.

When he returned to the dorm, he realized how bad voices were and grabbed his earplugs. He was especially grateful for them at breakfast when the other Marauders began a huge discussion about girls and their bums. It was much easier to tune his friends' quiet voices out and sit there, staring blankly at a book as he ate. Occasionally he turned a page, but his mind was too buzzy to really focus. At least it gave him an excuse not to join in the talk.

He couldn't really focus at all that day. Everything kept slipping out of his head and half his notes made no sense. At one point during the afternoon's free period he went somewhere private to curl up, feeling like he might cry. It wasn't fair, being so—so different. Maybe if he just tried harder?

He ripped the earbuds out and threw them in his bag, marching determinedly to Study of Ancient Runes. Quire and Codd's voices were overwhelming, sounding more like random noise than any actual words. Remus grit his teeth, telling himself over and over to stop being a baby and be a normal person. Normal people didn't have this issue (did they?). Except no matter how hard he tried, their voices felt like they were drowning him in rock. A crushing, suffocating sensation that made his body feel like it might burst apart.

Then he was dimly aware of Quirke's voice rising, sounding irritated. He blinked a few times, trying to hone in on what she was saying.

"—uneven amount of students, there has to be someone without a group, since nobody is in a three-person group!" she snapped, eyes flashing a bit. "Whoever is partnerless, for the last time, say so!"

Partners?

Remus slowly raised his hand. "I—I d-d-don't—don't—" Words felt impossibly thick on his tongue. Or maybe it was his tongue that felt thick.

Quirke glared at him. "Why didn't you say so sooner? Not paying attention, eh?" she demanded, and there was some quiet laughter from the other students.

Remus burned silently, because he hadn't been paying attention.

"He can join my group," Lily said, swiftly raising her hand. "It's fine with me."

"Very well." Quirke gave a sniffle and then began rambling about the project. The words were lost to Remus, and he gave up, hoping Lily was taking plenty of notes.

"What was that about?" Lily whispered after Quirke dismissed class. "You seemed so out of it!"

"I don't f-feel well," he lied, or—or sort of lied? He didn't feel well, really, but it was all in his head. Did that count?

Before Lily could respond, Snape was suddenly at her side. "Lily," he hissed out, pulling at her sleeve. "I did not agree for him to join us!" His voice was low and in Lily's ear, not for Remus to hear.

Remus's stomach sank. He was now in a group project with Snape?!

"It'll be fine," Lily said, pulling her arm free. "You two don't need to interact at all." She began chewing at her fingernails though, an aura of nerves radiating from her body at the realization of what she did. "It'll be fine," she said again, probably more for herself.

"It w-will," Remus promised.

Snape narrowed his eyes and pushed past Remus without another word. Lily's eyebrows knitted together and Remus gave her a slight shrug. "I p-promise to be on my—my best behavior."

"I know you will," she said slowly before shaking her head. "Do you need to see Pomfrey, if you're not well?"

The thought of disappearing into the quiet hospital wing was a tempting thought. Very tempting. "I… er, I'm not sure. I think I'm j-just going to go lie down for a bit," he said, shouldering his bag. "I might go later if I'm not feeling better."

Lily pat his arm and he tried his best not to flinch. "See you later."

"Mhm." He bolted from the classroom, jamming the earplugs back in the second he was alone.

-x-

"Snape?"

It was Saturday morning. Remus was happy when he woke up to find that while touch was still not okay, voices didn't bother him too much. He had avoided his friends the evening before, citing needing to do homework as a way to get out of playing games with them. So he hadn't had a chance to tell them the horrible news about what happened in Ancient Runes until breakfast.

"I knew you were out of it yesterday but I didn't realize you were that out of it," Sirius noted.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I didn't choose, Lily offered. I—I didn't know who her partner was."

"Poor Remus," James said, shaking his head. "What are you going to do?"

"Not much I can do." He scooped up some eggs, glancing briefly at the Slytherin table though Snape wasn't there. "Hold my tongue as much as possible. If he wants to start fights that's his business, I'm not going to."

"What's the project?" Pete asked.

Remus hesitated, realizing he had no idea. When he admitted this, all three of his friends laughed and Sirius said Remus really must have been out of it, not to get that information! Remus accepted their teasing because he wasn't sure how to explain what happened the day before, nor did he want to try. He doubted they'd understand voices causing him physical pain. He barely understood it himself. No, scratch that: he didn't understand at all.

James slapped his hands on the table. "Plans today. What are we thinking, since Fort Dragon is out of the question?"

Remus looked up at the thick grey clouds above them, the imitation rain falling down, disappearing before it reached the heads of the students eating their meal. A sudden crack and rumble caused Remus to jump slightly.

"Pranks," Sirius said.

"Exploration," Peter suggested. "Uh, not—you know, I wanna do nice exploration, not you know, places like—like that."

They looked at Remus who shrugged, going back to his food. "Not swimming, I don't think I can do that today."

"Pranks, exploration, and not swimming," James said, ticking them off his fingers. "Sounds brilliant to me. Ooh, Remy, you make any headway with the, uh, sound spell?"

"Ummm." Remus took a sip of juice. "A little." He hadn't really done much work on that and felt guilty. He'd need to rectify that as soon as possible. "We could—I—I could work on that today, if you like. I think it's mostly going to be practicing—"

James nodded. "Yeah, we can practice today. I wanna do that soon." He glanced at the High Table briefly then back at his friends, grinning broadly. "It's gonna be brilliant. Best. Prank. Ever."

"How many pranks have you said that for?" Sirius asked, smirking over his cup of juice.

Remus smiled at that, ducking his head low over his plate. It really wasn't the best prank ever however he thought it was one of their more daring pranks for sure. If they were caught—when… no, when they were caught it was going to be disastrous. He knew there was no way around not being caught. Or at least, he seriously doubted it.

Guess I should try to figure out a way for us not to get caught, he thought, watching the disappearing rain.

Twenty minutes later, the four of them were heading towards a section of the castle none of them had really inspected closely. James suspected there may be a secret passage that led out of the castle, and he was determined to find it. They wandered up and down various corridors on the third floor. James and Sirius—both with good noses for sniffing out secret entrances—began looking closely at the stones, benches, tapestries, paintings, and statues.

Remus perched on the base of a statue of Gunhilda de Gorsemoor, pulling out a book to read while his friends searched. There weren't many benches in the corridor and James was tugging at each one, so Remus figured he'd stay out of the way.

"You could help a bit," James grunted as he tried to pull a bench away from the wall. "You're the strong one."

Remus yawned loudly and buried his nose deeper into his book. "You were the one bragging that you could find the entrance without any trouble at all."

James harrumped while Sirius and Peter laughed. "Fine, I'm sorry Remus, we need your help. I—" He pressed his hand against his chest, "—need your help, O Great and Wise One!" Remus peeked up over the edge of his book. "Please?"

He sighed, tucking the book back in his bag and going over to help pull benches away. None of them seemed to be hiding anything. None of the paintings were either, nor the tapestries, nor the statues. James spent quite a lot of time tugging at the Gunhilda statue, insisting this had to be it, then gave up when nothing happened.

"If there is, it's with a password," he sighed, pushing his glasses up. "We'll have to figure it out later. C'mon!" He grabbed Peter, yanking him down the corridor. "I think there's a staircase near here that has a secret opening! We tried to find it last year but couldn't…"

Remus got up, following his friends at a slower pace. Sirius slowed to match his, not saying much of anything until suddenly he asked, "Is everything all right?"

"Hmm?" Remus looked up through his fringe. "Eh? Yes, why?"

"I mean—I guess yesterday you were so… it was obvious you weren't well yesterday," Sirius said rather awkwardly. "I was a bit worried but you didn't look… um… you know, sickly. Just out of it."

"Yeah." He hunched his shoulders a bit. "That's all."

Sirius bumped against him lightly. "And everything's okay?"

"Yes," Remus promised.

"Nobody bullying you?"

He jerked in surprise at that. "Huh? No! No, nothing like that."

Sirius jammed his hands in his pockets. "All right. I wanted to make sure since you do have a history of denying that sort of thing." Remus scowled at that, turning away. "And since you've got classes with Snivellus without us, sometimes I worry…"

"About what? Snivellus bothering me?" Remus rolled his eyes. "Lily's in both classes, so I doubt he'd dare."

"Mmm, true." Sirius suddenly lunged forward and messed up Remus's hair. "You're just so little we have to keep an eye on you, you know."

"Oi!" Remus staggered back, trying to smooth his hair back down. "Thanks! I'm so glad to have you around, you do wonders for my self-esteem."

"Tiny lil' Remy."

"Bugger off!"

Sirius laughed, wrapping an arm around Remus's shoulders. "Fine, fine. You are, undoubtedly, the cutest boy in our year."

Remus gave him a shove, trying to ignore the sparking feeling inside of him hearing those words with Sirius's voice. Cutest boy, cutest boy, cutest boy. It echoed tortuously in his head and he pulled his hands away from Sirius as his palms grew a little sweaty. "I didn't mean outright lie to me!" he said huffily. Sirius mumbled something vaguely incoherent that almost sounded like 'I wasn't' which was ridiculous. "What was that?"

Sirius smiled at him. "Nothing. We better find James before he breaks something, probably his own bone knowing him." He seized Remus's arm and began walking at a quick pace with Remus stumbling along.

-x-

Cutest boy.

It repeated in his head, over and over and over. As they explored the school it beat out a rhythm in his head that wouldn't stop. As they pulled pranks, it wrapped itself around all consciousness. As he and Peter hung back watching James and Sirius getting yelled at for trying to enchant the suits of armor to trip Slytherins the words imprinted themselves all over his skin… as if they could be seen, if anyone cared to look close enough.

He was only teasing me, he reminded himself as they headed off to lunch. He tried not to stare at the back of Sirius's head. Tried not to think about the smile on Sirius's face when he said those words. Teasing, he's always teasing, and always flirting. In fact, Sirius was flirting right that moment. He propped his elbows up on the table and rested his chin in his hands as he fluttered his eyelashes at Peter, trying to sweet-talk Peter into giving him the last of the beef pasties.

"Lily?"

It was after lunch and he ran to catch up to her, wanting to talk to her. Needing to talk to her. She was the only one he could ask this.

"Hmm?"

"Can we, er, talk a moment?" Remus shuffled his feet, tugging at the end of his sleeves, trying to ignore the smirks on Alice and Cassie's faces. "Privately?"

"Of course," she said, whisking off with him to another corridor where they could talk without being overheard. Remus just stood there, looking around, unsure if they really did have proper privacy. "What is it?"

He jumped a little. "Ooh. Er."

"Are you all right?" she asked when he didn't say anything else. "You look rather pale and…" She reached out, touching his forehead. "You're all clammy."

He shifted away from her, not wanting the touch. "Fine. I think. Er, I had a—a question for you. I need some insight on something said and—and I think you're probably a better judge of what people might mean instead of… of…"

Lily folded her arms, giggling. "Tweedledum and Tweedledummer?"

He managed a slight smile at that though panic was starting to seize him. How was he supposed to ask without admitting it was Sirius? What if he asked and she guessed what was inside of him? What if she saw? His heart was pounding hard in his chest and he felt rather weak with fear.

This was so stupid! It didn't even matter.

IT DIDN'T EVEN MATTER!

"What is it?" she asked since he remained silent.

"Two people are talking," he said slowly, carefully, wanting to run away, trying his hardest not to simply run as far as away as possible. "A girl and a boy. The girl is teasing the boy about an aspect of his appearance. He says something about how she—er, how she really helps his self-esteem. As a joke. So she says he's the cutest boy in their year. He's pretty sure she's teasing because that's what was going on but—but—"

"But he's not sure?" Lily asked and Remus gave an embarrassed nod. "Well. Without knowing the exact words or how things were said it's hard to tell. Can I ask who?"

"Peter," he said quickly. "Peter, and a girl."

Lily's eyes lit up. "Really? I thought it happened to you!"

Remus shrugged, hoping that this wouldn't start any kind of rumor or get back to Pete. "No," he lied. "No. It was Peter. I have no idea what—what the girl meant. I'm hopeless at that sort of thing."

"Which girl?" she wanted to know. "It really depends on the girl."

Remus bit his lip. "What… what do you mean?"

She frowned. "I mean… someone like… say, Ali? She probably wouldn't really tease like that, it might be something she meant that came blurting out. Someone like Cassie, though, she'd say something like that in a teasing manner."

Like Sirius, he thought, feeling as though he was struck by something hard in the chest. Of course. Of course. Plus it didn't matter either way, because—well, even if—

Well, it didn't matter.

It didn't matter at all.

"Does… that help?"

"Yes," he said, nodding quickly, hoping he wasn't blushing. Hoping he wouldn't start crying. He felt as though he might which was stupid—so stupid! Why did it matter?

He shouldn't care if Sirius thought he was cute or not.

It didn't matter.

It shouldn't matter.

But it does matter, a tiny voice whispered. It matters very much to you, Remus John Lupin, and why is that?

He resisted the urge to reach into his sleeves and scratch at his skin, despite wanting to scratch until he got to that voice and yanked it out of his body.

"Thanks," he said, realizing they were both standing there a little awkwardly. "I—I'll see you later."

He turned, forcing himself to walk at a normal pace until he turned a corner; then he began running. Running as hard as he could, tripping multiple times, banging into a wall once, just going as fast as he could to get away from—

It matters to you, it matters, you know it matters, you want him to see you as cute, you want him to think of you like that because you—

"No," he gasped out, jerking down a rarely-used corridor and covering his face.

It felt a bit like a repeat of the year before, when Lily said—when he had asked about his strange feelings and she said it was a crush. He had run off then, too. Wound up going to the hospital wing. Which sorta sounded like a nice idea, really. Except this was so much worse because back then he had—

He wasn't—

It was easier to dismiss, back then. Easier to pretend that it was ridiculous and not true. That he simply wasn't there yet. That any day he'd suddenly like girls. Now, after everything that had happened…

And the suspicion at the end of summer, the dreadful shuddering whisper of what was deep inside of him… he had done his best to deny that, to pretend… to pretend it didn't exist, to pretend—

The pain in his stomach was horrible and he curled forward, wrapping an arm across his stomach.

Now he knew he wasn't going to eventually like girls.

He was… a freak. He was wrong.

He had wrong feelings for his best friend, his best male friend.

He had wrong feelings for boys.

He tipped his head back, sucking in a deep breath as his body shuddered. Slowly he reached into his sleeve and began scratching lightly, not even really realizing he was doing it until he felt warm liquid. Swearing, he jerked his hand out of his sleeve and saw some blood under his stubby nails. He swore again, forcing himself to stagger off to the nearest bathroom to clean his arm off.

Werewolf, he thought distantly as the warm water washed away the blood. And like that. Double a freak. He looked up into his own eyes, feeling sorta… drifty.

"Double the freak," he whispered, his voice not quite sounding right.

He suddenly slammed his hand into the water, sending it splashing onto the floor. The wolf was upset too, wanting to destroy things. Oh, how he wanted to destroy things! He wanted to rip the sink from the floor and smash it into the wall. He wanted to punch the mirror until it exploded into millions of little shards. He wanted to pull the stall doors off and pummel them until they were utterly broken.

As broken as him.

He grit his teeth, fighting against the desire for violence, fighting against the wolf. He took in gasps of air and then squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the wolf down until he felt that cooling snap inside of him. When he opened his eyes, blood was dribbling out of his nose.

After a few more seconds he cleaned his face off, dried his hands, and left the lavatory, wondering what the hell he was going to do about this absolute disaster. Because he refused to sit back and do nothing. Refused to let something else he didn't want taking over his life and his body.

Unfortunately since it was Saturday, he realized it was difficult to avoid the other Marauders. When he met up with them again he said he really wanted to work on some homework. They didn't like that, pleading with him to stay, but he couldn't. He couldn't bear to be around especially Sirius after

(cutest boy)

So he promised to spend time with them later, promised to come to James's Quidditch practice, promised a lot of things just so he could get away for a little while. They gave up trying to convince him to stay and he skedaddled, going back to his dorm where he could be alone under his bed. Just him and his thoughts, and trying to come up with a way to fix this problem.

But do you really not want it? asked a soft voice.

Sirius's smile. His hand on Remus's arm. The way he said those words cutest boy, oh if it were true—

No!

Of course he didn't want it, what male would?

It was wrong to be like that. He refused to have a second thing of evil inside of him; he couldn't do anything about the first but he was damn well going to do whatever he could to get rid of the second.