Author's note: internalized homophobia, sorta mention for emetophobia

-x-

It was painful, facing what he had been doing his best to avoid for a few weeks. It left a huge gaping hole in his chest and it almost felt as though his limbs were on fire. They were so warm and whenever he moved, it was as if trying to push through something thick and heavy. It was very difficult to think.

But he thought. He thought about everything he knew about this issue, which really wasn't much. He wanted to know more and found his copy of Your Body At Hogwarts, flipping fruitlessly through the pages. Of course there was nothing there. He already knew this, already searched through this book to figure out when he'd start liking girls.

Nothing about what to do if you started liking boys.

There might be something in the library, he thought, chewing at his nails as he curled up underneath his bed. Gwyllgi was clutched against his chest even though he hated relying on a stuffed animal at thirteen. It was childish and immature, he needed to get rid of Gwyllgi. He was going to get rid of Gwyllgi just… not quite yet.

Yes, the library would have something. Surely it would, wouldn't it? Except he couldn't go in and look up G for—… or H for…

He began chewing at his lip now, trying to figure out what to do. He needed to search the library without Mr. Farrow being there, except that was—that would mean going in after closing. Breaking the rules. Dare he?

I need information, he decided. Needed information about this problem and how to fix it because there had to be a way to fix it. Or stop it. Make it go away. Magic could make a lot of things go away.

Can't make lycanthropy go away, hissed out a voice inside of him. Can't make this go away either.

"Can so," he whispered into Gwyllgi's fur. He was smart. He was very smart! He'd find a way.

-x-

"Been avoiding us?"

The three words stung Remus and he tried not to wince at the accusation.

"N-no," he lied. "I was working on homework."

It was late evening and the Marauders had finally tumbled into the dorm room where Remus had been staying since he left them; he hadn't even gone to supper. Instead, he snuck into James's desk and ate some of his sweets.

James laughed, putting an arm around Remus's shoulder. "Only teasing," he said, bumping against him. "We know how caught up you get when you lose yourself in homework."

As the others got ready for bed, chattering about various things that happened that evening, Remus sat on his bed trying to figure out how to bring up his question. He didn't think James would get annoyed or upset however he couldn't help but feel a little anxious. Finally he decided to force himself to ask, before Dave or Spinnet showed up.

"Hey, um, James?" he asked so quietly nobody heard him. "James?" he asked again, this time a bit louder.

"Eh?"

Remus stood up, hoping he wasn't trembling. "I w-was wondering if—if I could borrow the cloak a little while." His throat seized up with the final syllable, and he meant to add please but couldn't. "Lease?" he finally managed, unable to form the P.

James cocked his head to one side while Sirius and Peter both looked amused. "What's this?" James asked with a grin. "Remus Lupin wanting to sneak around?"

He felt his cheeks heating up a little. "I—I w-want to take a look in the library."

"Of course you do," laughed James. "Of course you want to use the Invisibility Cloak to study."

Remus tugged at his sleeve, trying not to feel stupid or awkward. Sirius and Peter borrowed the cloak without issue, why did it feel like he had no right? Well, he didn't have any right. James didn't need to lend his precious, valuable, rare item! "Please?" he asked again, this time able to say the full word. "I—I mean, you don't need to—I understand—it's all right—"

"Nonsense!" James yanked his shirt off, tossing it aside. "You're more than welcome to borrow it. Er, did you want me to go with you or do you want to go alone?"

Remus looked down. He wanted to go alone but that seemed a little rude, to ask to borrow the cloak then insist on going alone. Even though James offered, it felt… uncomfortable. "It's up to you," he finally said. "It's fine if you want to stay with your cloak."

James studied him for several seconds before getting his cloak out and handing it over. "I trust you, if that's what you mean."

"So whatcha wanna look up anyway?" Sirius asked, lounging on his bed with an amused expression.

"Er…" Remus carefully folded the cloak up and put it on his bed, not sure how to answer.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. "Something to do with your condition?"

"Yes," he said, since that was the truth. Just… not the condition they thought. But for some reason Sirius, James, and Peter all exchanged a brief glance at that. "What?"

"Nothing," James said far too quickly.

Remus felt the panic begin to bubble up. What was with that look? Did they suspect he was lying? Did they suspect he was—was wrong? "It's… something," he forced out.

"Um." Peter then coughed. "It's just there's a lot of… kinda mean books. In the library. About werewolves." His forehead wrinkled up. "Really mean."

Remus stared at him, trying his best not to laugh. "Oh, yes, I know. Most books about—about us are really… vile. I know what the library has, and what they say."

"Then why do you need to go look again?" Sirius asked.

Was it Remus's imagination or did Sirius sound suspicious. "Er, I—I want to look at—in—in the Restricted Section," he stammered. "I want to see what's there."

"We didn't find much," James yawned. Then he noticed Remus's look. "Er, well, we did look, you know. Last year. We did do a lot of research before… we told you."

"Mm." Remus sat back down on his bed, exhausted by all of this, exhausted by talking, exhausted by existing. He wanted to curl up for a few years of sleep. "Well…" He felt like he needed to say something in response to all of that. "No offense but I think I'm a little more experienced in researching than you."

James giggled. "Too true."

At least the questions stopped. Remus was worried they'd keep asking him, keep pushing to know what it was he wanted to find, but they didn't. The conversation shifted to the fact Lily kept giggling whenever she looked at Peter at supper and what that might mean; Remus didn't tell them about his lie, because of course he couldn't.

"Maybe she likes you," James teased.

Peter went brilliantly red. "Oh, oh no, I doubt that. I'm not the sort of guy she'd like."

"Don't be stupid," Sirius said, stretching out on his bed, putting his arms behind his head. "You are bloody brilliant and absolutely gorgeous." As he said this the door opened and Spinnet came in, followed by Dave.

"Who is gorgeous?" Spinnet asked.

"Not you," Sirius replied, fluttering his eyelashes. "Peter is gorgeous. Don't you agree?"

Spinnet made a disgusted sort of scoffing sound as he went towards his part of the room. Sirius stuck his tongue out at Spinnet's back while the other Marauders tried not to giggle.

"Not gorgeous," Peter muttered after a moment.

"Hippogriff shit," James said. "You are."

"If I were a girl I'd be all over you," Sirius promised. Spinnet made a loud gagging sound. "Problem, Spinnet?"

"I don't know what's worse," Spinnet replied, eyeing the four of them. "The idea that Pettigrew is gorgeous, or the image of Black as a girl."

Sirius was suddenly on his feet. "You wanna go?"

"What, did I offend you by saying you'd be an ugly girl?" laughed Spinnet.

Sirius clenched his fists. "No, you offended me by insulting Pete. I know I'd make a beautiful girl. But don't you dare insult Pete, that's rude and vile. What's your problem? Seriously? Are you that much of a bitter arsehole that you want to spread your hate or is it something else?"

Spinnet glowered at him. "Shut up! You know, if you weren't friends with Pettigrew you'd probably be calling him Pokey Pettigrew like everyone else, you'd be insulting him, so don't pretend to be all high-and-mighty with me—"

"You're full of it—"

"You're not a nice person, Black," Spinnet continued. "You're a horrible person, you and Potter both, all you do is bully people and think you're so wonderful because you give your stupid lackeys some attention." He switched his gaze to Remus then Peter. "They're not much better, going along with everything you say—"

"How about you shut up?" James demanded, climbing out of bed. "I'm not in the mood to deal with yo—"

"I'm never in the mood to deal with either of you but I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Spinnet stood up straight, obviously having a lot he wanted to say. How long had he kept all this bottled in? Remus felt ill, wishing this hadn't happened, not wanting the tension in the room. He also wanted to hex Spinnet with something nasty for insulting his friends. "Face it, if Loopy or Pokey didn't follow you like obedient little ducklings, you'd be giving them as much shit as everyone else—"

"L-l-liar," Remus snapped, surprising everyone. Spinnet's jaw dropped slightly. "That—that's a lie."

Spinnet's mouth snapped close and he scowled. "Sorry, Loopy, but it's not a lie and you know it—"

"It is," he said, firmly. "Because Sirius was n-nice to me before we were friends. He st-stood up for me and w-was very friendly even wh-when I insulted him, before we—before we were friends. So don't you stand there and try to pretend otherwise."

Spinnet didn't say anything. Nobody did, everyone simply stared at Remus and he kept his chin up, keeping his eyes on Spinnet.

Then Pete said, "Not a duckling but even if I was, I'd rather be a duckling than an arsehole." Suddenly he got a smile on his face. "After all, ducklings become ducks one day while assholes stay an asshole."

James began laughing so hard he choked, while Sirius fell over shrieking with laughter. Remus covered his mouth, twisting around to press his face into his pillow while he laughed. Spinnet stormed out of the room while James shouted out that Peter had a point. Remus sat up in time to see David shaking his head with a frown on his face.

"Amazing comeback," Sirius told Peter, rolling across the floor until he reached Peter's bed where he sat up in order to give Peter a high five. "And you did awesome too," he added, winking at Remus. "You both told him. Love it. I love it."

The Marauders stayed up fairly late playing cards, though Remus left them at around one in the morning. He figured that'd be a good time to go. He donned James's cloak and crept out of the dorm, trying his best to ignore the pain in his stomach. He hated sneaking around after hours but doing it alone felt so much worse. At least the other times it wasn't his idea. Er, well, usually.

He made it to the library without incident except for a near run-in with Filch's cat, and as soon as he unlocked the doors and went in, he felt an excited shiver go through his body. There was something thrilling about being in the library so late, with nobody else there. He had to stand there for a moment to take it in before venturing further in.

"Lumos."

The problem was he had no idea where to even start. He wandered over to the General section and began walking down, a finger running down the spines; he hoped maybe a title would pop out or something. Though if there was a book called All About Being—he'd have probably heard of it, right? He moved to the History section, trying to remember the names of witches or wizards who were like that. There weren't many that he knew of. Marius Dutton who was turned into a frog by his father, that was one of the names.

Remus pulled out books, checking out indexes with no luck. He stared at all the names, wondering if any of them were like that. Would he find out anything? What was he even looking for?

Frustrated, he pushed the book back on the shelf and sank down, wrapping his arms around his knees. He wanted to cry at the futility of it all. How stupid was he to think he could come in and just find what he was looking for? Unless he got his hands on some Liquid Luck, that was one of the most ridiculous ideas ever.

Maybe Slughorn has some Felix Felicis, he thought, hugging his knees harder. Brilliant idea. Break into Slughorn's potions' store to find a luck potion to take then wander into the library to find a book that told him about how to stop being so wrong.

No, no. You know the library, you know books. You can do this.

He got back up, studying the shelves, trying to think. History wasn't a good option. Finding out about other people like that wouldn't really help. What he needed was a way to stop. A spell? No. No, probably a potion.

Remus went to the Potions section. Anti-love potion? Anti-feelings potion? Surely there was something like that somewhere. There had to be.

He desperately went through books and the only thing he could really find was one potion that dampened emotions. All emotions, not just those feelings. That wasn't helpful.

A door opened and Remus covered his mouth in time to stifle his gasp. "Nox!" He ducked down under the nearest table, trembling from head to foot as he heard Filch come into the library. A soft glow from a lantern stretched across the floor and soon he saw Filch's boots make their way nearer to him. His cat was with him, flicking her tail and peering directly at Remus. No, no, no!

"What is it, my darling?" Filch asked as she approached the table, reaching out with a paw. Remus wanted to push himself away but didn't dare move. He held his breath as Filch bent over, peering under the table. It seemed as though Filch was looking right at him! Filch blinked twice before straightening up. "Nothing there. Let's go."

The cat sneezed as if to say no really there's someone there! but followed Filch through the aisles. Remus breathed out, quietly, and remained under the table until a good ten minutes after Filch left the library. That's when he finally crawled out, feeling as though he might throw up. That was a close call. A very close call.

He wiped his sweaty hands off then grabbed his wand. "Lumos." Back to looking through indexes, back to trying to find a book that could help. Something. Anything!

His eyes caught the sign for the Restricted Section. Maybe…

He licked his lips and went in, his heart pounding even harder than it had when Filch was there. He had been in the Restricted Section once before with a note from Professor Flitwick with permission, since he wanted to include a reference in an essay. Farrow had been at his elbow the whole time and stood over him while he copied down notes. He hadn't even checked the book out.

His eyes traveled from title to title, wondering what was inside the covers. What sort of dark and forbidden knowledge might be lurking between the pages. He resisted the urge to grab the nearest book and start reading, instead looking through anything that might be related to potions. Once when he reached a hand out, a chill went down his spine and he retreated, not daring to touch the book at all.

A History Of Potions for Purebloods. Remus pulled it down, frowning when he saw it was written by a Malfoy. Ew, he couldn't help but think as he opened it up. He didn't really expect to find anything in it, but he let out an audible sound when he saw in the index something about a potion to curb lust. All right, it wasn't quite what he wanted however it was the closest thing he had found thus far!

He flipped to the correct page, all his excitement disappearing as he read through what was written. It was a potion that many pureblood patriarchs made to prevent their heirs from having bastard children. It was used by many families that would eventually become the Sacred Twenty-Eight, though fell out of use well before the fifteenth century. But it didn't actually give any directions on making the potion, all it really gave was the name: Pura Linea. Pure line.

Remus shut the book with an angry snap and it began to give off a loud wailing sound.

"Oh no!"

He shoved the book back into place but the wailing only got louder.

"No, bloody hell! Nox!"

Remus started to move then stopped, grabbing another book and shaking it until it began screaming. He ripped down various books, shaking and bothering them until they began screaming then put them back. After about half a dozen or so he slid under the rope barrier and dove behind Farrow's desk just as the door opened and Filch came barreling in, lantern held high.

"WHO'S THERE?" he shouted, running for the Restricted Section.

Remus waited until Filch went past the barrier before starting to get up. Then he pressed himself back against the desk as a door near Farrow's desk opened and Farrow himself came out, tightening the sash of a nightrobe with one hand while holding up his lit wand with the other.

"What's going on?" he demanded, going past Remus. "Argus? Is that you?"

"Someone's been in the library messing about with them bad books, they won't shut up."

"Bloody wankers!" Farrow snarled. "Fucking hate children! Find them!"

Remus didn't wait any longer. He scrambled for the door and began running as fast as he could. It wasn't until he reached the next floor up before he slowed down, and when he reached the sixth floor he stopped completely to bend forward and take in deep, gasping breaths of air.

"Merlin, Merlin," he whispered, sinking to his hands and knees. He hoped that by setting off multiple books they wouldn't figure out which book had first started screaming. He wasn't entirely sure if it mattered or not, but he felt better at the idea that they didn't know.

Finally he got back up and went back to the common room, head throbbing a little bit. At least the Fat Lady was in her portrait, sleepily opening up when he whispered the password. He climbed through the hole, freezing up when he noticed there were three figures sitting up near the fireplace then he relaxed realizing it was his friends.

"Hey," he said, taking the cloak off, enjoying seeing all three of them jump.

"Welcome back, Sneaky," Sirius teased, sliding over and patting the couch next to him. "Find what you were looking for?"

"Whoa, you're sweaty," Peter noted when Remus sank down on the couch,

Remus blinked at the Wild Adventures board set up, at the three tokens spread out across the thick forest map. "Mm, I had to run. Filch almost caught me. Farrow too. I—er, I accidentally set off some books."

"Set… off?" Sirius asked.

"In the Restricted Section, a bunch of them started screaming," he explained, pushing his damp fringe back. "And no, I didn't really find out what I needed. Or hoped for, I guess."

"You need to borrow it again tomorrow night?" James offered.

Remus smiled. "Thank you but no, tomorrow night is a school night. I should attempt to get some sleep."

His mind drifted to the Pura Linea potion. Calling his feelings 'lust' seemed rather extreme and left a bitter taste in his mouth. He vehemently disagreed with that term, for himself. It wasn't 'lust' it was just… wrong feelings. He tried not to look sideways at Sirius as he bent forward to roll the dice, his wavy hair falling across his face. Remus's chest tightened slightly and he pushed himself against the back of the couch. No, lust was definitely wrong, however it was somewhat hand-in-hand with these sorts of emotions, weren't they? Wanting someone? Lust was simply the more intense version. A far-off step he wasn't near… but if he stopped that would it stop this?

He pulled his feet up to sit cross-legged, barely paying attention as his friends resumed their game. There was no information in the book about the Pure Linea potion as far as he could tell but now he had a name. A starting point. He could go from there. Find out more about this potion, maybe find out how to make it. Except he was crap at making potions! What could he possibly do?

Ask James or Peter? He glanced over at them, at James's scowl and Peter's smug face as his token neared the end of the board. No. No, no he couldn't ask either of them. James would find it hilarious Remus wanted a potion to stop lust and he'd never hear the end of it. Peter wouldn't tease him but nor could he keep a secret from James and Sirius.

Lily. Lily was good at potions and might not pressure him. He could even say it was simply for research. Trying to recreate a centuries old potion. Would she believe that? Either way, she wouldn't really tease him, and she'd keep his secret. Lily, he decided, curling up against the arm of the sofa. Once he found out more about the potion, of course.

If he found out more about the potion.

-x-

Remus was very groggy and tired when he woke up early the next morning, regretting promising to go to James's practice. He didn't want to break his promise, though, and slouched along behind the other three as they made their way to the pitch. It was far too early, and very foggy and chilly out. He shivered when he stepped into the morning air, tugging his jacket tighter around him. The sun hadn't even properly come out yet. Ugh.

He was half-asleep as the practice began, his breakfast clutched uneaten in his hand. He was dimly aware of his friends chattering and even more dimly aware of footsteps until his friends yelped and suddenly Lily was squashed between him and Peter.

Lily focused angry green eyes on him "We'll see!" she half-shrieked.

Remus's eyes were wide now, and he was a little more awake though with no clue whatsoever about what Lily meant. "Er?"

"We'll see!" she said again, folding her arms, her face pinched.

"See what?" Sirius asked rather awkwardly, and Remus was glad he wasn't the only confused one. "What are you even doing here?"

Lily's pinched expression grew more pinched. "I'm here to watch Cassie."

"She's only a reserve," Sirius pointed out.

"And you're only an idiot," Lily snapped back, clearly in no mood whatsoever. "I want to watch my friend, reserve or not."

"Is that what you'll see?" Pete asked, scooting a bit so the three of them weren't completely squished.

She gave a disgusted sigh. "No! That's what Mummy told me. About the concert." With that she bit angrily into her toast, somehow retaining the pinched expression as she ate.

Remus felt like someone put a Confundus spell on him. "What concert?"

"Hufflepuffskiens," Sirius reminded him. "Next month, in Hogsmeade. Bloody hell, Remy, if it's not in a book you just don't care, do you?"

"Oh."

Lily nodded, chewing furiously on her food. After she swallowed she said, "I asked Mum to come chaperone because Alice's Mum is working that night and Cassie's parents are going on holiday. And she said 'we'll see' which always means 'no' with her!" She looked down at the toast in her hand and gave a sniffle. "It isn't fair. I know why she said that."

After a stretch of silence only Sirius was brave enough to ask, "Why's that?"

"Muggle, because she doesn't feel very comfortable being in Diagon Alley let alone Hogsmeade!" She shook her head. "She says she always feels like people are looking at her like they know. I've told her if she simply acts normal, there's no way to tell, but she—" Lily stopped and then took another bite of toast.

Remus ducked his head, having sympathy for Mrs. Evans. It was the same feeling he got whenever he was in Muggle places. There was no way for Muggles to know he didn't belong but he felt like they'd somehow know regardless, and see him, and—and—and do something, though he wasn't quite sure what that something was.

"Can Muggle parents chaperone?" Peter blurted out. "Muggles aren't even s'pposed to be around here. I mean, parents are one thing, um, you know, when we're sick or something. My dad could come here if I was sick. But… usually Muggles don't—aren't really allowed in this area."

Lily opened her mouth then closed it. "I—I suppose I hadn't thought of that. I should ask Professor McGonagall. If they can't, that isn't fair!"

"It really isn't," Peter agreed.

"It makes sense though," Sirius muttered.

Her green eyes flashed rather wildly. "Why's that? Why does it make sense for a Muggle parent not to chaperone?"

Sirius shrank back slightly from the bitter tones in her voice. "If something were to happen, there isn't much they could do to—to protect you or anyone else."

"Happen?" At least Lily's tone softened. "What would possibly happen in Hogsmeade?"

Nobody answered her, all three boys just gave shrugs, though Remus couldn't help but think about the attack on the toy store a few months ago. The store had been owned by two witches, one of whom was Muggleborn, and that was why it had been destroyed. He also thought about the pro-Pureblood sentiments seeming to be more and more on the rise lately. Maybe it was safer if Muggle parents didn't chaperone for the concert, though it also felt unfair. It really seemed like a difficult situation, and Remus wondered what McGonagall might say.

Of course, that was all conjecture. They didn't know whether Muggle parents couldn't chaperone or not. It was only them supposing. McGonagall could very well say yes, that's fine, Mrs. Evans can come in to watch the girls, no problem. After all… if something did happen (which felt unlikely) there would be loads of witches and wizards around. Plus the drummer for the Hufflepuffskeins—Lacey Montrose—was rather well-known as a duelist. Besides, the band would have security anyway, even if nobody expected anything to happen.

"Well," she finally continued since nobody said anything, "nothing would happen, that's silly. Hopefully Mum can. I want to go."

The conversation shifted to other topics—mostly Sirius and Lily talking while Remus sleepily ate and Peter dozed off. Once he finished eating, Remus wiped his hands off on his trousers and considered getting one of his books out to study but instead he wound up leaning against Lily and dozing off as well.

He woke up with a jerk when there were shouts, one of them from Sirius. He blinked rapidly, trying to see what was going on. Enough time had passed that it wasn't as foggy and he could see the field. James was standing there, arms waving, while Kirke stood over him, pointing at him, shouting loudly.

"He pushed James!" Sirius was growling as he scrambled over the bleachers, obviously intending to go down and pushing Kirke right back.

The rest of the team had landed and were intervening, Bell standing between the other two Chasers with her hands out. Remus was wide awake now, as was Peter, as they and Lily watched what was going on. Sirius jumped down onto the grass and started running over but Kim spotted him and ran towards him, shaking her head. She grabbed his arm, saying something that made his shoulders slump slightly. She pat his shoulder and he turned to go back up the bleachers. By the time he reached the others, whatever had happened was resolved, and everyone was in the air again.

"What did she say to you?" Lily asked curiously.

"That hexing Kirke would be more trouble than it's worth," he grumbled, folding his arms and glaring at the skies. "Especially since the Reserve Chaser is my girlfriend."

"SHE WHAT?" Lily screeched into Remus's ear causing him to recoil, clamping a hand over the ear. "Sorry, Remus." She leaned across his lap. "She is? You asked?"

"No!" Sirius frowned at her. "No, we—no! Seo-Yun only thought. I told her Cassie and I weren't dating and she said she had heard rumors we were and I said no we weren't and she just went 'oh'."

"Are you going to?" Lily asked.

"I—" Sirius pressed his lips thin, going faintly pink. "I don't know. Don't harass me."

Lily made a 'hmph' sound and sat back upright. Remus dropped his hand back into his lap, wondering why Sirius hadn't asked Cassandra yet. They were practically a couple already so why…?

None of my business. He gave a sigh and picked a book out of his bag, burying his nose between the pages to try and study for the rest of the practice.

-x-

"The war?"

"Mhm."

Myrtle wrinkled her nose. "Why ever do you want to know about that?"

Remus sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor, notebook balanced on his legs, quill poised over the paper to take notes. It was early Sunday afternoon and he was still as exhausted as he felt during James's practice, if not more so. He had tried to take a nap after lunch but since it started raining, the other Marauders were bouncing around the dorm. So, instead, Remus had gone down to Myrtle's bathroom to try to find out some information if he could. If Myrtle was up for it.

Apparently she wasn't.

"You saw the beginning, didn't you? The bombs and all?"

Myrtle sat on top of one of the stalls, feet swinging through the door. "Not personally," she said. "I didn't live in London. I was in the countryside."

Remus bit his lip, having worried a little about this.

"I had a cousin in London though," she continued and he perked up. "He came to live with us." Myrtle scowled. "He was an awful bully! Always pulling my hair and putting creepy-crawlies in my things! Least I didn't need to be around him most of the time, since I was here." Then she got a nasty sort of grin on her face. "Oh, he was furious, insisting he should go to the same boarding school as me! Uncle Alfred got into a fight with Father about it, Father kept saying it wasn't the sort of boarding school my cousin would like. Uncle Alfred accused my father of being a snob." Myrtle began laughing. "Walter was mad, tried snooping in my things so I bought an anti-theft thingamabob to put on my trunk and it turned him blue for a WEEK!" She fell off the stall laughing even harder.

Remus chewed his quill, wondering about Myrtle's family—the ones who didn't know she was magic. He wondered what they had been told about her death. "You were home for the holidays, weren't you?"

"Unfortunately," Myrtle complained, floating out of the stall. "That's when Walter kept doing things to me."

"What did you hear about the war?"

Myrtle began picking at one of her pimples. "Shame Walter didn't stay in London, if anyone deserved a bomb dropped on him, he did. So did Olive."

Olive Hornby, Remus knew, was one of the bullies Myrtle had to deal with at school. "Did any bombs fall on your cousin's area?"

"He was in the country, with us," Myrtle said unhelpfully. "I bet he and Olive would have made quite a pair."

Remus tried to think of another way to get Myrtle to talk. "I bet Walter was afraid when the radio talked about the bombs. I bet you were braver than him."

She shot him a glare. "OF COURSE I WAS BRAVER THAN HIM!" He tried not to flinch back from her shrieks. "He was nothing but a little COWARD! Sneaking around, doing things to me when my back was turned. He CRIED when Saint Paul's got hit. Blubbered like he was hurt himself!"

Remus wrote this down even though it didn't mean much. "That was during the Christmas holidays of 1940, wasn't it?"

"He gave me some cream for Christmas, told me it was for my acne," Myrtle said, not listening to him. "I thought he was pulling a prank so when he slept I snuck into his room and smeared it on his arm. He had a rash the next day, right where I put the cream."

"Did he do any plane spotting?" Remus inquired. He thought he remembered that was something children did during World War Two, but Myrtle remained silent. "He probably didn't see as many as you did." That didn't stir anything in her. "Do you remember what—"

Myrtle burst into tears. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE PIMPLES!" she wailed into her hands. "IT'S NOT! IT'S NOT FAIR!" Suddenly she turned on him, pointing a finger that dripped with ghostly tears. "How come you haven't any?"

Remus touched his face, not sure how to answer. Some of his friends were getting pimples already, like Peter sometimes had a few small ones on his chin and he knew James kept a nice jar of Pimple-B-Gone, and the other day Lily had been complaining about a 'HUGE' one on her nose that Remus could barely see. However Sirius hadn't had any, as far as he knew, and he never gave it much thought as to getting them himself.

"Er—"

"GO AWAY!" she howled. "GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' She did a flip in the air and there was a faint splash as she disappeared down into a toilet.

Remus shut his notebook with a sigh. Well, he tried. Perhaps she'd be in a better mood later. Or maybe if he brought Sirius she would be more talkative. Would that be wrong of him, to use Sirius like that?

He pondered on the morality of it all as he found a secret passage to curl up in for a nap.