Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Three and a half days for the Taiwanese negotiations turned out to be a gross miscalculation of the time that we would need. Within hours of sitting down to hammer out the shipyard deal, the Taiwanese owners agreed to the terms and signed the contract to sell to us.
Why did the negotiations go so well? Two words: Anastasia Steele. Ms. Steele accompanied me to the meet and greet our first day in Taipei. I find these types of events to be a kin to fingernails-on-chalkboard. On arrival, I handed Anastasia, as I now call her, my iPad and instructed her to sit in the back and take notes. Little did the tiny brown haired beauty with legs that go for miles know, but I had no intention of ever needing the notes that she was to take. This task was the first of many administrative punishments that I planned to doll out on our trip.
The meeting started with the usual introductions. Translators for both sides began the usual back and forth that happens at these types of international encounters. Not ten minutes into the meeting, the shipyard owner's son, who looked to be no older than my useless note taking assistant, leaned over to whisper something in his father's ear. The father and son then proceeded to whisper back and forth behind raised hands. The whole time they were staring intently at my side of the table. I looked at my interpreter with raised eyebrows. He shrugged his shoulders. He was just as confused as I was.
In Mandarin, the shipyard's owner, Mr. Tsai, appeared to speak directly to me. Just as I was about to turn to my interpreter, a familiar voice from behind me replied in what sounded like fluent Mandarin. I knew who was speaking before I turned around. Little Miss Anastasia Steele, a GEH employee of less than four weeks, was directly addressing one of the wealthiest men in Asia. Not only was she speaking to him in his native tongue, whatever she was saying was punctuated by her darling giggle. Fuck, did I just call her giggle darling? Surely hell is freezing over right this very moment.
Soon my interpreter was whispering in my ear as fast as he could. It seems that Miss Steele and Mr. Tsai's son were friends. Not just friends, but dear acquaintances, according to the whispers in my right ear. Before my interpreter elaborated, Miss Steele and Tsai Junior were out of their seats and embracing. Not thirty seconds later, Mr. Tsai Senior is out of his chair and clutching my assistant as though she were his long-lost daughter. I swear there were tears in the shipping magnate's eyes.
With negotiations grinding to a halt to allow for my temporary assistant to turn this into a full-blown reunion, the rest of the team on both sides of the table took a moment to stand and stretch. Soon executives on both sides of the table began to hang on to every Mandarin word my assistant says. They were all enraptured. Fuuuuccckkk!
Just when I felt that the negotiations could not go any worse, Mr Tsai, Senior did the inexplicable. He walked directly to my interpreter to invite me and my assistant to his home for lunch. Huh? The Taiwanese are notoriously private. They diligently separate their business and personal lives. American business associates are rarely afforded such an intimate invitation.
We quickly packed up our tablets and laptops. Anastasia and I climbed into a chauffeured SUV and followed the Tsais to their home for the afternoon. During the ride through the heavy Taipei traffic, Anastasia explained to me her connection with the Tsai family.
"My college advisor pushed for me to study abroad for a semester, being a British Lit major and all. It seemed like something that I wouldn't be able to afford, but she kept encouraging me to apply for scholarships and grants. I spent the summer before working two jobs. It was exhausting coming up with the money, but I am so glad that I did."
If only Ms. Steele had applied for a summer internship at GEH, I would have made sure that she had the money to spend an entire year abroad.
"Anyways, I was super nervous, because I had never left the States, but I got a passport, packed a bag, and just did it. At first, everything seemed so scary. Just getting from the airport to my dorm was overwhelming. The other students seemed so comfortable, like they belonged. I thought that the whole thing was a big mistake, but I couldn't afford to fail, literally. I had spent almost every dollar that I had on getting to London. If I didn't want to miss a whole semester, I had to stay in England no matter how miserable I was."
I have a hard time picturing Ms. Steele lonely and out of place in London. She is so confidant and unassumingly self-assured.
"The first week of the semester, I just went to class and hid out in my dorm room. I was in the cafeteria, eating by myself, when Thomas came over and asked if he could sit with me."
"Who's Thomas?"
"Thomas Tsai, Mr. Tsai's son." Ah, yes, Tsai Junior.
"Thomas had noticed me sitting alone for a few days. It turns out that he was just as lonely as I was. That night, he was waiting for me in the cafeteria. After that, we were pretty much inseparable. When the weekend came, Thomas told me that he was going to visit his parents at their country house. He invited me to come along. What else did I have to do? I figured hanging out with his parents was better than sitting in my room alone so I went with him."
She pauses for a minute, lost in her memories.
"All I knew about Thomas was that he was from Taiwan so imagine my surprise when we took a helicopter to this insane country estate." The fucker better not have taken Ms. Steele in a Eurocopter EC-135. That's my job.
"The Tsai's country house is straight out of Pride and Prejudice. I had no idea that Thomas was rich. He was so down to earth. He seemed just like me. Even though they are crazy rich, the Tsai's are just as great as their son. Mr. and Mrs. Tsai treated me like I was some honored, American royalty. I tried telling them that I was just an average girl from a working-class background, but the more that I told them about myself, the more they treated me like I was some kind of rare gem. I mean, here I was wearing Old Navy and Target clothes and they just fawned all over me."
Ms. Steele took a pause. She spoke of the Tsai's as though they are her own family. I could tell she adores Thomas and his family. Lucky fuckers.
"So, that's how you met the Tsai family. Did you see them again?"
"Every weekend. Sometimes they would come visit us in London. Other times, they would insist that I go with them on weekend trips to places like Florence and Rome. When we went to Paris, Mrs. Tsai wanted to take me to meet some of her friends. It turns out that her friends were all top-label designers at some of the craziest fashion houses."
That explains Ms. Steele's incredible sense of style.
"Mrs. Tsai and her friends treated me like their personal Barbie doll. They would pick out these amazing outfits for me that I would never have been brave enough to wear if not for their insistence. Mrs. Tsai would say that she always wanted a daughter. I don't know whether she bought all of the clothes or if the stuff was gifts from the designers, but she wouldn't let me refuse her indulgences."
"Is this where you got your amazing collection of Louboutins?"
Ms. Steele seemed surprised that I have noticed her shoe collection. "You have no idea. At first, I couldn't even walk in the shoes that she picked out. I nearly broke my neck more than once. It's funny, though. The more comfortable I became in my new clothes, the more comfortable I was in my own skin. I stopped trying to blend in with the background. Mrs. Tsai did so much more than just buy me clothes. She really showed me what it must feel like to have a mother's unconditional love. The Tsai's made me feel like I wasn't little old Ana Steele from Montesano. To them, I am the fabulous Anastasia Steele from the exotic Montesano."
Interesting, Mrs. Steele has mommy issues, too? I made a mental note to explore that topic later.
"Do you keep in touch with Thomas and his family now that you are back home?"
"Um, hum. Last summer, Thomas convinced me to visit him in Taiwan. They sent their jet to get me," she giggled. I wonder who has the bigger plane, me or the Tsai's.
"I spent weeks using this app on my phone trying to learn Mandarin. I wanted to be able to speak with Thomas's grandparents when I visited. At first, I just tried to learn a few phrases, but I kept working at it and found that I really liked the language. The more that I learned, the closer I felt with the whole Tsai family."
"Miss Steele, I have reviewed your resume. Nowhere on it does it list 'fluent in Mandarin' as one of your skills."
"I know," she agreed with good humor. "I didn't list it, because I'm not really sure how fluent I am. It's not like I can read or write it. I'm not sure how well I even speak it. I think that Thomas's family humors me when I try to speak with them."
A deep pink blush crossed Miss Steele's face.
"It certainly seems like you were speaking with great fluency during the meeting."
"Am I in trouble?" She teased, looking at me from beneath her long eyelashes. How have I never noticed those before?
"Only if the shipyard deal tanks," I winked. Well, that's a first.
Soon, we were shown into the high rise apartment of the Tsai family. Their apartment put my Escala penthouse to shame. More members of the Tsai family greeted Miss Steele with great enthusiasm. My assistant introduced me to Mrs. Tsai as well as numerous aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, and other relatives. Each person embraced Miss Steele as though their beloved child returned from war. Even the family's chef left the kitchen in a rare break from tradition to greet my assistant. Miss Steele insisted on accompanying the female relatives to another room for tea. As she walked away, she mouthed "Good Luck" to me.
Before the ladies' tea was poured, Mr. Tsai, Thomas, and I reached an agreement and shook hands on the sale of the shipyard. The only surprise was when they don't insist that I give them Miss Steele in payment. These people fucking love that little brown haired, blue-eyed angel.
Maybe I should take a lesson from the Tsai family and start worshiping at the feet of Miss Steele. In less than a day, her giggles and self-taught Mandarin managed to seal a deal that my team had been chasing for six months. This girl has some sort of crazy voodoo super powers. These people love her. I hope she speaks German, too.
With the negotiations ending earlier than planned, Miss Steele, who was now insisting that I call her Ana, or at least Anastasia, suggested that we stay the night in Taipei and then depart early to prepare for our meeting in Germany. Who was I to argue with the darling of Taiwan?
So here we are. The Tsai family insists that Ana and I join them for a traditional Taiwanese dinner at 'Anastasia's favorite restaurant.' My assistant has a favorite restaurant in Taipei?
I really don't like the way the little fucker Thomas keeps putting his arm around 'Anastasia' during dinner. Each time he does, she returns his gesture by putting her head on his shoulder and rewarding him with her golden giggle. I get even more pissed off when she bats her eyelashes and bites her lip for this fucker. Get your own girl, Junior. This one is mine.