Author's note: Sorry for this chapter being early, I have an appointment tomorrow when I normally get a chapter out and I didn't want to try to rush it along with getting ready.
CW for imagined violence and accidental self-harm (fingernails digging into palm)
-x-
Remus almost felt like checking a calendar to make sure it really was the twentieth century. With the way Aegis was talking, he wasn't really sure. He knew a lot of the Purebloods were archaic, but this seemed bizarre. More than bizarre, really.
"I don't understand." He rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of what was said. "The Slytherins dislike you because… your… father… says you're his son…?"
Aegis gave a weak laugh. "I suppose this sounds strange to someone who doesn't understand the Purists."
Very.
"Let me think of how to explain. As I said before, it reminds me a little of an old-fashioned court. And what would happen if the most influential person at court brought forward an illegitimate child as his heir?" Aegis gave him a look and Remus wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer or not. Before he could make a decision, Aegis continued. "It makes people worried. If Abraxas Malfoy says his illegitimate son is his second heir, who knows who else could do such a thing. Such as the Mulciber family." He began picking at the blanket again. "Mulciber's father is the heir. However, his father has an illegitimate child. If he decides to make him heir instead of Mulciber's father… that will throw the Mulciber family into chaos."
"What does it matter about heirs though?" Remus asked. "You mean inheriting money?"
"Not only money, Remus. Power. The family. In most Pureblood families—James's included—there is a patriarch or matriarch. Someone who is in charge of the family, of the main line, of the main line's fortunes and interests."
Remus recalled James saying his cousin disliked him because up until he was born, his cousin Boreas was in line to be the heir. He hadn't thought much of it, though. Hadn't really thought it was an heir-heir thing, he had assumed it was only really about money. Was that how Pureblood families worked?
"But you're… second. Lucius is the heir, right?"
Aegis shrugged. "Yes. I am hoping it stays that way."
"Why wouldn't it?"
"Lucius… was a sickly child," he said softly. "Very sickly. There were times they did not think he would live. He did not start growing healthy until he was around ten years old. When I was nine. By then it was far from too late. Abraxas declared me his second heir when I was only four, because I was very healthy and he thought it more likely that I would survive than Lucius."
Remus cringed at that, at the thought of what that meant for Lucius. No wonder Lucius hates him so much. He felt a slight, brief moment of pity for the twat. Only very brief, though. But growing up in a world where the heir was important, and being heir, then finding out your father was making an illegitimate son second behind you in case you died soon? Bloody hell.
"The older generations do not particularly care," Aegis said, snapping Remus back into the moment. "Abraxas has the right to run the Malfoy family as he sees fit, and if declaring me to be the second heir is part of it, so be it. It is the younger ones who do not like it, who grow nervous at the thought. And Lucius…"
"I understand now why he hates you so much," Remus said.
Aegis nodded slowly. "I believe deep down he worries if people like me enough… if I am somehow more popular than him, better in school than him, perhaps Abraxas would overlook him entirely and push me ahead of him. He wishes I was dead."
If Aegis had said that before, Remus would have thought it an over-exaggeration; now he knew it wasn't. He believed those words.
"He began spreading poison about me before he even came to school. That I was a threat to the natural order of things. Pandora told me that when they started, he was saying things not only to Slytherins but Ravenclaws as well, in case I turned out to be like my Silverlocke relatives and wound up there." Aegis looked down at his hands sadly. "Unfortunately, the Malfoy blood in me was stronger."
"No." Remus reached out, almost touching Aegis's arm. "No, it's not that. You may be a Slytherin but it isn't because of your Malfoy blood. You have a lot of the Slytherin traits. In a good way. Those traits aren't bad, it's what people use them for, and you're a good person."
Aegis raised his chin and looked almost ready to cry. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"So that is why everyone in Slytherin hates you? Because you… sort've upset what they see as the rightful balance? And Lucius said things about you?"
"The Malfoys are powerful and influential, and that includes my half-brother," Aegis reminded him. "If Lucius Malfoy says I am a maggot that deserves to be crushed under his boots… that's what most of the other Purists will believe as well. Lucius is healthy now. It is clear he will be the patriarch of the Malfoy family one day. His peers side with him, because of this. If he were still sickly and in poor health, it would probably be different. They'd dislike and blame me for the rightful balance thing, however they'd most likely at least pretend to like me."
Remus clenched his fists at the thought of some of the Slytherins being so disgusting and fair weather. "It isn't your fault, though. That Abraxas did that. It isn't your fault, it's his. You're an innocent child."
Aegis smiled. "No. However nobody can take it out on Abraxas, can they? Lucius certainly can't, nor can Nerium. Therefore they take it out on me."
Remus fell silent, not sure what else to say. He wanted to ask about Sirius because it seemed very odd that Sirius would feel that way. Would listen to Malfoy or be upset about the balance thing. But he'd ask Sirius sometime. If Sirius was willing to open up about it which… wasn't really something Sirius tended to do.
"Who is Nerium?" he finally asked.
Aegis looked slightly panicked at the question. "Ahh. That is… Abraxas's wife. Lucius's mother."
It did, unfortunately, make sense for her to hate Aegis; a product of her husband's infidelity. "Has she ever met you?"
"Once." Aegis shrank back slightly, folding his arms, tucking himself in to appear smaller. "She wishes I was dead, too." Then, faintly: "She more or less told me that."
"A… a grown woman told you she wishes you were dead?!" Remus gasped out.
"Yes. When we met… when Abraxas was distracted for a moment… she told me it was a shame I hadn't gone the same way as my mother. Which—" Aegis stopped and frowned. "I suppose I ought to tell you that, too."
"You don't have to."
"I haven't spoken of it to many people… actually, none outside my family. I trust you, and it would be nice to talk to another about it. Or perhaps it's stupid. It probably is. I'm rambling now." Aegis took in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Remus had never seen him this shaken up. "Uncle Minos believes—as do I—that Nerium killed my mother. She died not long after my birth. My mother, I mean. Of course. It was sudden and strange, however the Ministry did not look too deep into it and declared it to be an accidental overdose of medication. Uncle Minos believes Abraxas paid the Ministry off to look the other way."
"They wouldn't do that," Remus blurted out. "W-would they?"
"I do not know. Possibly. Perhaps I am paranoid. It's difficult to tell. My life has been… for my entire life, Abraxas has been there, making sure I was strong, healthy, and raised properly. He has always been this force, pulling me in, refusing to let go. I wish to be free, but I cannot be. The Pureblood world—or, rather… the Purist world is… a strange one. I am only on the edge of it, because of him and things my Uncle has said. Though I have seen much more since coming here and becoming a Slytherin. The Purists seem like they would do anything and everything to keep themselves in power, and I see that in Lucius, and I believe Nerium is the same way. I do believe my Uncle when he said he thought my mother was poisoned. Nerium despised my mother with more hatred than I could ever imagine. And sometimes I worry Lucius might take a page out of his mother's book."
Remus kneaded his thighs again, trying to ignore the acidic feeling bubbling up in his stomach. "You really think that?" Lucius Malfoy was cruel but… killing… literally killing someone?
"I don't know for sure," Aegis admitted. "But even the slightest bit of suspicion…"
"That's why you let him push you around," Remus said slowly, remembering the way he had seen Lucius throw Aegis against the wall before Remus had punched him. "You're afraid if you stand up to him, he'll do something worse." Aegis nodded, eyes fluttering shut. "That's why you don't tell anyone, that's why you don't want anyone getting involved, like when I punched him. That's why you wanted me to stay out of it."
"Yes."
"I made things worse, didn't I?"
He opened his eyes again, smiling. "No. A little, but not too bad. Lucius did not really blame me for that. I cannot be sure that will happen again, if you interfere."
Part of him felt utterly helpless; something small and weak, unable to push back against a stone wall. Yet part of him felt furious. The wolf was stirring, raising up, clawing into his soul. He pictured Lucius's smug face, and all the times he had found Aegis battered and hurt. Aegis let Lucius do this, because he was afraid if he didn't, Lucius might kill him.
Lucius Malfoy wouldn't do that, a tiny voice said.
Then another voice: Maybe not now, or even soon but what if he becomes sick again and decides to take Aegis out to protect his own inheritance?
Then he snorted. This was STUPID! It was NINETEEN-SEVENTY-THREE! Not the dark ages! This sort of thing didn't happen!
A memory was dredged up, from the train ride before his second year. When he was told about Nobby Leach. He got sick with something nobody knew about and disappeared; rumors are the Malfoy family was involved.
What if it could happen? He wasn't part of that world, he didn't know or understand the draw of power… the desire to be a patriarch or whatever. Power and money… people had killed for less in the past…
"Remus?"
Remus was breathing quickly, chest rapidly rising and falling. When he blinked and looked down he saw he had dug his fingernails into his palms so deeply that they had broken the skin and some blood was trickling out. Aegis stared at his hands in slight horror.
"I'm fine," he croaked out, tucking his hands up into the sleeve of his robes.
"I shouldn't have said anything—"
"No, it's fine. I'm glad to know. I'll do my best not to get involved."
The wolf squirmed violently at those words and howled so viciously that the hairs on the back of Remus's neck stood up, like hackles. He wanted to howl himself and had to clench his teeth to stop himself from doing so. It almost felt like his teeth were fangs and there was a second of terror that he was transforming right now.
That fear was taken over by the desire to find Lucius Malfoy and violently dismantle him, piece by piece. To tear the flesh from his body, break his bones, and spill his blood.
No, no, calm down, you're human, not wolf, you're a human boy!
"Remus?" Aegis sounded afraid.
Remus's eyes snapped open and Aegis flinched back. He sees the wolf.
No, not wolf, boy, human, human boy, you're a HUMAN!
There was that blissful break inside of his head and his body slumped from the effort of winning the battle against the wolf. It retreated far back into him, growling quietly but not trying to take over.
"You're bleeding."
Remus shakily reached up, wiping the blood off from under his nose, forgetting there was already blood on his hands. "That happens sometimes. My nose, I mean." Aegis simply stared at him. "I think it happens because of my disease."
"Oh."
Remus got the sense he had really upset or terrorized his friend, so he slowly stood up to make his exit before he made things worse. "I should go, I have Defense soon. Erm, do you want any notes from our shared classes?"
"That would be nice, thank you. Themis does not take very good notes."
Remus stuck his bloodied hands in his pockets. "I'll come by before supper."
"I—I'll be out this afternoon, with luck," Aegis reminded him.
"Oh, right, yes. I'll bring the notes to Ancient Runes, then. S-see you later."
Remus left the hospital wing, doing his best to take regular steps until after the door closed behind him. Then he fled, running as fast as he could even though he still had a good ten minutes before Defense started. With each slap of his trainers against the stone there was a jolt of fury that shuddered up his body. He ducked into a lavatory to clean all the blood off before trudging the rest of the way to class.
-x-
The Marauders knew something was wrong, but could also tell Remus was in a very bad mood, so they didn't press much other than making sure he was somewhat okay. They did ask what happened but all Remus managed to do was shake his head and say he did not want to talk about it.
At lunch Remus didn't even dare go into the Great Hall, not trusting himself if he saw Malfoy's face. Instead, he swung by the kitchens and chatted with the house-elves a bit before taking some fruit to one of the courtyards. It was drizzling, but there wasn't much wind, so he was able to tuck himself on one of the half-walls against a column.
I thought my family was messed up, he thought as he chewed on the pear. At least none of his relatives wanted him dead. Though if they knew the truth about him, they probably would.
Remus swallowed, the pear becoming disgustingly bitter in his mouth as he wondered what his parents would do if they knew his other truth.
He tossed the pear and flicked his wand, using a spell to send it floating into a nearby rubbish bin. He held his hands out into the drizzle before wiping them off on his robes.
The rest of the day was spent thinking about Aegis and everything he had found out. Herbology went by quickly, most of it being a short quiz followed by Sprout doing some demonstrations. They were in Greenhouse Three, their class having not gone back to Greenhouse Four since the incident two and a half weeks prior.
After Herbology came a miserable Care of Magical Creatures, the students huddled under the umbrella spell Kettleburn had put up while he talked about auguries. He had one with him, settled on a perch, obviously enjoying the drizzle. Remus scribbled down notes as best he could, trying to ignore the fact the augurey kept looking at him as it moaned, which was a little disturbing.
"I thought auguries foretold death," Peter said after class as they hurried back to the castle.
"No, they sing when it's going to rain," Sirius said.
"But it's already raining."
"Probably gonna rain harder, that's what it was moaning about," suggested James.
They shook themselves off in the entrance to the school and then took off before Filch could find them. As they wandered the halls, James and Sirius discussed the idea of getting an augurey, turning it invisible, and sticking it somewhere to moan relentlessly at the Slytherins. Peter asked about it getting hungry and leaving, and that led them into the idea of getting the mournful wail on a record somehow, and using that instead.
"Where d'you think Kettles keeps it?" James asked as they stopped in a hallway to flop onto some benches. Remus sat down on the floor, crossing his legs and pulling his notes out to make copies for Aegis.
Peter made a face. "Why would he keep it with that moaning?"
"I doubt it's wild," said Sirius, reaching down to poke Remus's head. "Where does Kettleburn keep creatures like an augurey?"
Remus swatted his hand away. "I don't know. Why don't you make the sound yourself?"
James began moaning out and Sirius said he sounded more like an inferi. James asked how'd he know what an inferi sounded like and Sirius replied that everyone knew that inferi moaned. So James tried again, higher pitched this time which broke off into fits of giggles.
"You sound like a banshee now!" squealed Peter, thumping his knee as he laughed.
"WaaaAAAAHHHHHH!" James wailed, flailing his arms out at the side as he pretended to be a banshee… or so Remus assumed that's what he was doing; it looked more like he was dying or something.
"Would you keep it down?" snarled a nearby painting. "Some of us have sensitive ears!"
"It's not our fault your artist painted you with too-big ears," Sirius retorted.
The portrait gasped. "I never!"
Sirius made a face, yanking his nose up and sticking his tongue out. "No, but your artist did."
The portrait stormed off, muttering about the manners of youths today while the boys snickered.
-x-
Aegis was in Ancient Runes, looking a little peaked but otherwise fine. He gave Remus a bleak sort of smile when he came in, and when Remus handed him the notes after the lesson was over he thanked him. They sort of stood there in the hallway, neither of them saying anything else. Remus toed the ground while Aegis rocked back and forth a little. Remus wasn't sure what to say, though at least he was calmer now.
What would I want to hear after something like that?
He licked his lips and cautiously said, "I hope nothing's changed between us. It… hasn't for me."
Aegis looked up, blue eyes wide. "I could not help but worry…"
"No, of course it doesn't," Remus reassured him. A movement out of the corner of his eye caused him to turn a little and he saw who he thought was Snape hanging around the corner. Ugh, what a little spy. "The only thing that has changed is if I see something happening I'll… d-do my best to not… do anything." It hurt to say that, to say he wouldn't come to his friend's aid.
"Thank you."
They walked to the Great Hall together, discussing some of the things Professors Quirke and Codde had gone over in class, and also what the club for Ancient Runes might be; Aegis had been invited too, of course, pretty much as soon as Pandora became involved with the club at the beginning of the year.
The other Marauders weren't there yet, since James's practice was still going on, and Lily and Cassie weren't there either. Remus wound up sitting with Alice, who seemed rather glum over the fact that Lily had abandoned her for only half an hour of practice left. Remus agreed it seemed a little silly to only go watch thirty or so minutes of a practice, and that he never went on Mondays or Fridays. Alice shrugged at that, poking at her food, seeming even glummer for some reason.
Eventually, in a roundabout way, he may have discovered the problem. Alice seemed upset over the fact Sirius and Cassie were practically dating, and that Lily sounded like she might go on another date with David sometime. She finally told Remus she felt a little left behind.
"I know I'm not as pretty as them," she said, and Remus squirmed a little, feeling awkward about being pulled into this sort of talk. "And I don't even really want to date anytime soon. Boys are kinda gross. Oh, not you," she added quickly. "You're just about the only boy who isn't gross."
"Does this have anything to do with the fact James and Sirius were trying to see how much mashed potatoes they could fit in their mouth at lunch?" He hadn't been there to see the event, thank Merlin, but unfortunately his friends had told him in detail about the competition.
Alice wrinkled her nose up. "They ended up spraying it all over the table!"
"It was disgusting."
"And Peter seemed like he was cheering them on!"
Remus began poking at his food now too. "Actually he was pleased he won."
"Won?"
"Yes, he sided with James; said James could fit the most in his mouth due to the fact he was more of a loudmouth than Sirius is. I'm just glad I didn't see it in person."
"See? At least you're reasonable. For a boy."
Remus speared a piece of carrot on his fork and held it up, pretending to inspect it. Normally something like that wouldn't have made him think twice, but for some reason he couldn't help but think about what Lily had said, when she told him she liked both boys and girls. And also that there were more like them in their year. Did Alice mean…? Or was he just reading too much into the statement?
Was he going to be like this, now? Hearing things that made him think of that when it was an innocent statement? Or did Alice really mean…? She had said Lily and Cassie were pretty… which Lily said she could do without making people suspicious… though if Alice were then wouldn't Lily know? Or… sense it?
Could people like him sense others? Lily seemed to figure him out easily enough. However, he never would have guessed about Lily, or anyone else. He couldn't see anyone else being like that despite what Lily insisted…
Suddenly, someone thonked lightly on his head and he jumped, dropping his fork and carrot. He cowered a little bit until he saw Sirius's grinning face as he slid onto the bench next to Remus.
"Didn't mean to scare you. You looked pretty deep in thought."
Remus bent to retrieve the fork, setting it aside so he could get a clean one. "Did James's practice end early?"
"Nah." He reached over, taking a piece of chicken off of Remus's plate. "I got banned from the pitch until the first game."
"What did you do?" Alice asked.
Sirius chewed the meat thoughtfully before licking the juice off his fingers. "Might've hexed Kirke, a little." He took another piece off of Remus's plate.
"Isn't that the sixth year who is strangely obsessed with James?" Alice inquired.
"That's the one." He began licking his fingers again. "He was spouting nonsense about Jimmy again. I lost my temper. Unfortunately, I did the spell wrong…"
"What did you do?" Remus asked.
"I tried to make his hair grow long, to get in his eyes while he flew. Instead the hair came out in clumps." He took the last piece of meat and stuck it in his mouth. "Painful clumps, from the sounds Kirke was making."
Remus put more chicken on his plate and as he did, Sirius began taking them. "You could get your own plate."
"I could," he agreed, taking another. "Anyhow, Hooch told me I'm banned from the pitch until the first game, so not too long. I can't wait to watch. Maybe Kirke'll get knocked out right away and Cassie will get to play. She looks fantastic in uniform." Remus rolled his eyes at Alice who began giggling. Sirius—sucking his fingers again—looked between the two of them suspiciously. "I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"
"Only an intelligent conversation," sniffled Alice.
"Hmm, dictionary. Hypothesis. Exasperated. Exasperate."
She frowned, brow furrowing. "What in Merlin's name are you doing?"
"Exhilaration. Saying long words, to help with the intellectual conversation. Experimentation. Expelliarmus. Am I nerdy enough yet? Remus? Uh, Remy, you all right?"
Remus was staring across the room, fist clenching his fork tightly as he ground his teeth and tried his best not to get up and run across the room to punch Malfoy in the face, for the blonde boy had just swaggered in for supper. Now that Remus knew, he could also see pieces of Aegis in Malfoy. It was awful, seeing his friend in the twat's face. However his features were crueler, his lips curled back in a vicious sort of sneer; he looked like an animal ready to strike.
Remus felt like an animal ready to strike and if he was closer he would—
"WHOA!" Sirius shrieked as he knocked over a glass of juice, sending it spreading across the table and into Alice's lap. She leaped up, wiping at her skirt while Sirius seized Remus's hand, uncurling his fingers. "Let go!" he hissed out.
Remus blinked, coming back to their own table. He looked down and saw he had bent the fork from clutching it so tightly. He quickly let go and Sirius put it in his pocket so Alice couldn't see.
"Didn't mean to, Alice," Sirius said, wiping at the table with some napkins.
"It's all right," she sighed, flapping her skirt a bit before sitting back down.
Remus, meanwhile, stood up. "I'm not hungry anymore. I'll see you later." He grabbed his bag and left the Great Hall, his back ramrod straight and his jaw tight as he somehow managed to keep his glare off of Malfoy. At least Malfoy had sat at the other end of the Slytherin table from Aegis, so hopefully he wouldn't bother his…
Half-brother. Remus swallowed as he stomped down a corridor, not paying any attention to where he was going. He hospitalized his own half-brother.
He stopped, slumping back against a wall as he rubbed his eyes. It didn't surprise him to hear footsteps approaching and sure enough when he lowered his hands he saw Sirius strolling towards him.
"What's wrong?"
Remus shook his head, not wanting to talk about it.
Sirius put a hand on his shoulder, his fingers still shiny from the chicken grease and his own saliva.
"You didn't clean your hands, did you?" sighed Remus.
"Eh?"
"Nothing. I—I'm angry with Malfoy right now." He didn't want to get into the fact he knew the truth, not yet. "He put Aegis in the hospital wing. When he came in I… I felt… like I could break his jaw again."
"I'll help," Sirius said immediately, and Remus gave him a faint smile. "No, let's prank him, really. James is getting itchy to do something. We haven't sneaked into the Slytherin common room in a while."
"If we prank him, he might—"
Sirius flapped his hand. "Yeah, yeah, he'll blame Aegis." He leaned against the wall next to Remus, folding his arms. "He shouldn't be untouchable. It isn't fair. I'm sure we could figure something out. Perhaps pranking the entire dorm so it doesn't seem like it's targeting only him? Remember we talked about ashwinders earlier—"
He tried not to groan. "We are not putting ashwinders in his dorm."
"We could set his bed on fire."
Remus looked wearily up. "Sirius, that is not a prank, that is outright arson."
He gave Remus a very merry look and pointed out, "That's not a no."
He glared back. "It's certainly not a yes. We are not committing arson."
Sirius unfolded his arms and elbowed him. "Says the boy who keeps setting people on fire during duels."
He felt heat blossoming across his face. "Th-that's completely—that isn't—" He stopped and sucked in some air, trying to stop spluttering. "That has nothing to do with setting someone's bed on fire, it's completely different!"
"Mmm, I'm certain." He pushed himself off the wall, wiping his fingers off on his trousers. "Come on, the practice is probably over by now."
Remus straightened up and followed Sirius to the front hall to wait for their friends, the anger a little lessened yet still simmering away inside of him; he just hoped that he'd be able to control it the next time he crossed paths with Malfoy.