Author's note: In memory of Jay. Rest in peace, dear
X
Officially, dating didn't seem much different than what Sirius and Cassie were doing before. A couple of days passed by and it seemed like nothing had changed between them other than them holding hands more, and at one point when they were all walking to class Sirius had his arm around her shoulders. Remus did catch them sharing a kiss in the common room on Monday evening, though they seemed to keep that part of their relationship under wraps, or so Remus assumed later that evening when Sirius boasted of a small snogfest the two had done earlier in the day. Peter hung onto his every word while James teased him, kissing his hand and swooning. Remus kept his head down in his book, only telling Sirius 'brilliant' when pressed by his friend.
"She doesn't mind the pranks," Sirius said on Tuesday morning as they left Muggle Studies and headed to do another prank. "Not really. She thinks some of the things we do are a bit much, like burning the effigies last night."
The previous day had been Guy Fawkes night, and the Marauders had set off loads of fireworks in the Great Hall, and James and Sirius had made a straw figure they had set on fire. The fire had been a little wild, Remus admitted, but it didn't get out of control, and besides Flitwick put it out fairly quickly anyway.
All the points they lost that night were regained that day from Professor Lewis, telling them that while doing something like that was a bit much she did appreciate their enthusiasm for embracing Muggle holidays. Remus thought that was a very bad idea for her to say that; it only encouraged James and Sirius.
"But she doesn't mind other things," Sirius continued. "She would probably think this prank is funny, if I told her about it."
Once near the lavatories, Peter and Remus took up positions as lookouts while James and Sirius rigged one of the bathrooms to dump silver and green glitter on whoever used the sink next.
"They'll still know it was you despite the colors," Remus said after they hurried away from the scene of the crime. "No one in Slytherin does things like that."
"Less likely to think it's us, though," James said with a giggle.
At lunch, Sirius wanted to sit with the girls and Remus decided to try to spend some time with Aegis. He told himself, as he walked away, it was because he hadn't spent much time with his friend but he knew part of it was because he didn't really want to see Sirius and Cassie flirting. Aegis gladly agreed to eat lunch together and the two took their food to one of the courtyards to sit on one of the walls.
As they ate their sandwiches and fruit, they talked about various things and joked, both of them laughing. It was good to hear Aegis laughing and see him smiling again. Whatever was going on with Malfoy seemed to have let up, and Remus wanted to ask about it but also didn't want to pry.
Family matters, he thought with a sickening shudder. As long as Aegis wasn't being hurt… but even if he was, what could Remus do without making things worse?
At about twenty till, they finished their food and headed inside, giggling at the idea of Malfoy covered in glitter since Remus had shared their prank, partially to warn him just on the off chance Aegis used that specific loo; though he figured by now it had been set off.
They rounded a corner and froze, seeing two figures ahead of them arguing. One was Sirius and the other was… his cousin? Miss Black? No, Regulus was there too, hovering a foot or so away, arms folded, shoulders hunched.
"—warning you!" Black was saying, her voice cold as ice.
"And I said I don't care," Sirius spat out. "They don't own me."
"They might as well," Regulus muttered so quietly that Remus figured Aegis hadn't heard.
Sirius glared at his brother. "I don't give a flying jarvey what they think, and neither should you—"
"Stop trying to get Regulus into trouble," Black interrupted. "It is bad enough you go and—and cause scenes, do you really want Regulus to end up like… like…"
Sirius jutted his chin out. "Go on, Cissy, say it. Like what? Like me?"
Nobody spoke for a few seconds and in that silence Aegis whispered they should probably leave. Remus didn't move, couldn't move; he had to hear what was going on.
Regulus said, "We're not saying you should… dump her. But the least you could do is keep it quiet."
Dump Cassie? Remus raised his eyebrows at that.
Sirius whirled on his brother, and Regulus flinched back. "Keep what quiet? That I'm dating a half-and-half?"
"Yes," Black said firmly and without any shame. Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I think Miss Inkwood seems to be a lovely young lady, however all things considered you shouldn't go around displaying your affections towards one another so… prominently. All we're saying is keep it a little quiet."
Sirius looked enraged. "I am dating a half-and-half. Two of my best friends are half-and-halfs. I'm not going to keep ANYTHING quiet and if my parents don't like it, they can shove it up their—"
"Sirius!" Regulus cried out. "Are you purposely trying to make them mad?"
Sirius let out a laugh. "The only reason anyone in our family is terrified of two third years dating is because what Grandfather and Grandmother did. I'm not like them, I'm not going to go… do that. So you can send your little spy missives to my parents to inform them they've got nothing to worry about."
"It isn't only that," Black said, but Sirius was done.
"I need to find Remus. Go and bother someone else." He began walking towards the corner where Aegis and Remus were hidden behind and both boys backed up quickly, diving several feet back and then trying to make it seem like they were casually walking to the corner for the first time. Sirius stopped in his tracks, staring at them. He ran his fingers restlessly through his hair, glancing to the side. "Er, hey. Did… uh… either of you hear… anything?"
Remus was going to lie but Aegis said, "Yes, a little. I am sorry, Sirius, we did not intend to eavesdrop. It was an accident. We didn't hear much," he added when Sirius scowled. "Only what I already assumed to be true."
"Oh?" Sirius asked a little stiffly. "And what is that?"
Aegis took a step back. "That your family would not approve of you courting a half-and-half," he whispered.
Remus wasn't sure how Sirius would react, and was relieved when his friend smiled. "Courting? Merlin's balls, Aegis, what century are you in? I don't care if you heard that." He jammed his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "It's not exactly something secret anyway. Come along, Remus, it's about time for Transfiguration."
"I'll see you later," Remus told Aegis who nodded. He followed Sirius who walked rather quickly, causing Remus to have to half-run to keep up. His hands were still in his pockets and he was giving off a scent of panic, alongside anger. "Is everything all right?" Remus asked.
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Your… family?"
Sirius stopped, and Remus almost ran into them. "I really don't want to talk about my family right now. I just ate. I might get sick if I do. Come on." He started to reach out, as if to put an arm around Remus like he often did, then he pulled his arm back.
Remus turned his head, pretending like he hadn't noticed while a million thoughts galloped through his brain, wondering why Sirius had done that. "At least slow down," he said as they began walking again. "I've got short legs." Sirius slowed a little but still kept a slight distance between them, making Remus feel ill. He wanted to ask if he had done something wrong but was too frightened of the answer. Instead he blurted out, "I know about Aegis."
"Hmm?"
Remus yanked his satchel back up his shoulder as the two reached a set of stairs. "And his brother. Half-brother."
They stood on the bottom and the stairs moved on its own, pulling them up. "Finally found out, eh?"
"Y-yes…" Remus blinked a few times, looking down at his shoes and broken shoelaces. "He explained why a lot of the Slytherins don't like him."
"Yeah, they're a bunch of twats."
"It didn't explain why you hated him. I mean, it… doesn't seem like something you'd hold against someone. The idea of them… messing up… the natural order…"
Silence.
Remus dared a look up and Sirius was looking forward, jaw tight. "Er—"
"Come on," Sirius said as they reached the top. "Don't want to be late."
"Since when do you care about being late?" Remus asked, and got no answer. Since I put my foot in my mouth again, he knew, stalking along behind Sirius as they went to Transfiguration. I hope I didn't ruin things between him and Aegis… what little progress they made, at least.
Sirius flung the door open cheerfully. "What's new, McGonagall?" he sang, to the tune of What's New, Pussycat?
She jerked her chin up, eyes blazing slightly as some of the class that was already there began giggling. "What is new is fifteen points removed from Gryffindor. Take your seat before I make it twenty-five."
"Have you done something to your hair?" Sirius asked as he and Remus went to their usual seats. "You look different. Oh! I know. You've gone and made up your cute little McGonagall eyes, haven't you?"
"Twenty-five points."
"Powdered your cute little McGonagall nose?"
"Detention, Mr. Black."
"Stop it," Remus hissed as he slid into his seat, though he was very relieved whatever tension was in the air between them had disappeared completely. Sometimes it was a good thing his friends were completely bonkers.
Sirius dramatically flopped back into his seat and tipped it back so it was on the back two legs. "Professor, you're so thrilling. And I am very willing to care for you—"
"Detention for three nights, Mr. Black; care to make it a week?"
The chair thudded back down and Sirius put his elbows on his desk and his chin in his hands, grinning from ear to ear. "Anything to spend time with you, Professor."
A crumpled up piece of paper smacked his shoulder and he turned to see Cassie glaring at him. He smiled at her, and stopped flirting with their teacher.
Their lesson was a mix of a lecture and then practical work. McGonagall gave everyone leaves and they began working on the hardening spell. There were various exclamations of 'duro' as everyone tried turning their leaves to stone. Remus held his wand, staring intently at the leaf, trying to draw in his power before…
"Duro!" He flourished his wand and watched as the leaf turned grey. Before he could check it, McGonagall came over and tapped it with his fingernail. It clicked like a fingernail against stone.
"Very good, Mr. Lupin, a point to Gryffindor. I think leaves are too easy for you." She went to her desk and brought back an array of objects. On his desk went an apple, a teacup, and a beetle in a box that scurried around. Something fully alive. Remus's heart raced as he raised his wand.
"Duro." He tried the teacup first, and it turned into stone. "Duro!" The apple followed. McGonagall stood over him, waiting. He licked his lips. "Duro!" The beetle turned grey but kept scuttling around and wasn't fully stone.
"Very good, another two points. Work on the beetle." She took the teacup and apple, going around the room to see who else was doing well with their work.
Ten minutes before class ended, he finally succeeded in turning his beetle to stone. McGonagall gave him an approving nod, and let him slack off for the last few minutes; he spent the time working on his essay that was due Saturday, the one about standing up for himself. He put it away when she gave out homework assignments and dismissed class.
"Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, please remain behind."
Remus, starting to get up, sank back down in his seat with a bad feeling. Everyone else left and when the door shut, James and Remus got to their feet again and went to the front of the room.
McGonagall gave a sigh. "Argus informed me of what happened Sunday evening. He told me neither of you finished your detention."
"That's a bald-faced lie!" James said, stomping his foot.
"You both finished your detention?" she asked.
"Oh." He began laughing. "No, Professor, I didn't, but Remus kept scrubbing the benches until curfew."
She nodded, obviously already knowing this. "Mr. Potter, you have an extra night of detention so you still have five nights. You'll be meeting with me tonight, at six. Mr. Lupin, you do not have an extra night. No matter what Argus says, you finished your detention. Therefore you only have four nights remaining. You have an appointment with Poppy, correct?" Remus nodded at the lie. "Your next detention will be tomorrow at six, with Professor Charlemagne. Dismissed."
"Man," James moaned after they left and were a few hallways away, headed towards their next class. "I don't wanna miss Occlumency. Maybe I'll skip tonight's detention."
But he didn't, thankfully; after supper James went to McGonagall's office while the other three headed to the room where they met Fawley. Remus explained to her about James's detention, having to explain why. Fawley burst into peals of laughter, wiping a tear from her cheek after Sirius sang some of the song for her.
"That is terrible," she giggled. "Very well, Peter, you will have a full hour with me, then."
Sirius and Peter left, and Remus sat on the couch, feeling awkward now that they were alone. What had been discussed the week before felt like a heavy weight in the air between them, and he had no idea what to say.
Miss Fawley broke the silence. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired," he said, tucking his hands under his thighs. "Um. Still not… not… I mean, last week I—I don't know. About that, I mean."
"Are you… getting through the days all right? Have you had any breakdowns?"
He raised his eyebrows, realizing he hadn't. "No. I've been able to get through each day."
"That's good to know. And do you feel… hmm not sure how to articulate this question…" She trailed off, a slight frown on her face. "Do you feel any more comfortable with yourself? Being gay?"
He winced, his insides curdling up like sour milk. "Please don't," he asked hoarsely. "Use that word. Please. I can't… I don't—I'm not—please."
"I'm sorry. Homosexual?"
He shook his head, untucking his hands so he could cover his ears. "I don't like any of that. I'm not ready to be called anything like that. It feels so wrong—I'm still not—it isn't—I don't know, Miss Fawley, I'm s-s-sorry."
She leaned forward. "You don't need to apologize. I am sorry for using those words then. If you are not ready… and perhaps you'll never want to use terms like that for yourself."
"It d-d-doesn't matter anyhow," he whispered, dropping his hands into his lap.
"Why not?"
He chewed at his lip, wriggling a bit, wishing they'd just get on with their lesson. "I won't ever… be with any… anyone."
He sort've expected her to argue, to say that he'd find someone eventually. Instead she looked sad. "Because of your lycanthropy?"
It was laughable. A werewolf being like that. Two wrong things. Two things that would be next to impossible to 'find someone' mixed together making it even more impossible. "Yes…"
"I won't lie, it's… difficult and complicated for werewolves to… find love…"
He grit his teeth, wanting to cover his ears again. "Um, could we—could—can we—I don't r-really…"
"I'm sorry," she said again. "Sometimes I forget how young you are." What did his age have to do with anything? "Do you want to start working?"
"Yes, please."
They jumped into the memory of Remus crying into Lily, and this time they stayed there as Remus tried to end the memory. He was having trouble and it was Miss Fawley who pulled them out. They tried again, and again, and each time it was like what little ability he had slipped away from him. He couldn't even manage any pressure against her. When he despaired of this, she reminded him he was under a lot of emotional strain at the moment, and the full moon was coming up as well.
They wound up ending the lesson early, and Fawley tried to take them to the night he was bitten. This, too, felt slippery, and the foggy bits he did remember whirled away from them, leaving them with nothing. His head hurt viciously after, and he ended up getting sick in the rubbish bin. Miss Fawley made it disappear and gave him a hug before he left. He went to the secret passage first before the loo, but froze when he went in and found Peter there alone.
"Sirius said he wanted to spend time with Cassie," Pete said, closing his comic book.
"Oh." He felt disappointed and a little betrayed.
Pete got to his feet, brushing his trousers off before tucking his comic book into his bag. "How was the lesson?"
"Um, all r-right…"
Peter made a face, leaning in and sniffing. "It kinda smells like… ermmmm…"
"Yes, I—I got sick. I need to go clean up."
His forehead got all wrinkly. "Is everything okay? Are you okay?"
"Yes," Remus lied. "It was the other thing we are doing. Trying to see when… when I was…" He paused and Peter nodded, indicating Remus didn't need to say it out loud. He was glad he had decided to tell James and Peter about it too, after all. "We didn't see anything yet but it hurt my head a lot."
"Is that normal? Not the—I mean, I know you get headaches from this but I mean… it seems like it's tough for you to 'member that night."
Remus shrugged. "I was only four."
"Oh. Well, I'll see you in a bit. I left a bag of raindrops. Er, half a bag. Maybe a quarter of a bag, really…"
Remus gave a laugh at that. "Thank you, Peter."
He put the quarter bag of raindrops in his bag before going to the loo to clean his mouth out. After spitting the water out, he blinked at his reflection, wondering about Peter's question. Normal? If it wasn't normal, Fawley would have said something, wouldn't she? Or maybe she was purposely not seeing…?
No, he told himself, rinsing his mouth out again. Don't start that. You trust Miss Fawley. He soaked some paper towels and wiped his face off before returning to the secret passage to finish off the raindrops and work on his punishment essay.
X
Remus woke up screaming, cold sweat soaking through his pajamas as he began panting for air. The last thing he remembered was being burnt alive at the stake for being like that while Sirius and Cassie waltzed around him, ignoring his pleas for help and wails of pain. He could still feel the flames licking at his skin…
"Remus?" Sirius asked softly, waiting outside his curtains. "You were screaming. Are you awake?"
"I'm awake." He shifted his weight to push one of the curtains aside, arm extended purposely to block Sirius from coming in. "I was being murdered again."
Sirius furrowed his brow. "Do you—" He hesitated, licking his lips. "You know we'd never let that happen."
"I know."
"If you need me…"
"I'll let you know."
Remus watched him return to his bed, rather dizzy and confused. That was so different from how things usually went. Usually Sirius was more adamant. Was Sirius mad at him for asking him about his family? He wanted to climb out of bed and follow Sirius. Wanted to apologize.
Instead he closed his curtains and curled up with Gwyllgi, trying not to cry at the deep ache inside his chest.
X
Sirius didn't seem mad at him the next morning. In fact, the other three Marauders all seemed extremely excited about something. They kept exchanging looks and giggling, promising Remus that 'something exciting' would happen that afternoon. They wouldn't tell him what, so Remus shoved it to the back of his head.
The day seemed to go on as normal other than their giddiness. At one point he heard Peter whispering he couldn't believe the day was finally there, and James elbowed him, hissing in his ear that Remus had really good hearing so shut up. Remus simply tried not to smile. Whatever was going on seemed to be a surprise for him, so he didn't feel as left out as he usually did.
After Care of Magical Creatures, Remus was told to meet them in the secret passage behind the unicorn tapestry, after he got his shower. He asked them if they were getting showers and they all said no, they had something they needed to do, and that he would be needed after his shower.
He got cleaned up, wondering what was going on. A thousand different possibilities whizzed through his brain but the two most likely were either a prank or else they bought him something. He hoped if it was the latter it wasn't anything too big or expensive…
After his shower and a clean uniform, he headed to the fourth floor. It was forty minutes until Ancient Runes started and he hoped whatever it was—if it was a prank—could be taken care of before then.
His head was in the clouds like usual and he hardly noticed he was being followed until the fifth floor. He finally realized that someone's footsteps had been shadowing his and he spun around before he could think about it, wincing inwardly when he saw Snape there. Saying nothing, he turned back around to keep walking. Didn't the git have class right now? He was sure Aegis had a lesson before Ancient Runes, but he could have been wrong.
"Lupin," Snape said, his voice not as snide as usual.
"Wh-what do you w-want, Snape?" he asked, continuing walking.
Snape hurried after him and seized his elbow, turning him around. Remus stiffened then went for his wand. "I'm not going to hurt you, I only wanted to talk."
"I've heard that b-before," he said, not pulling his wand out but not letting go of it either. Snape looked down his big nose at Remus, staring directly into his eyes. It made him uncomfortable, the way the other boy was looking at him. "What do you w-want?" he asked again, trying to shake his elbow loose.
"To talk," Snape said. "To tell you something. To confess something."
Remus swallowed, taking a step back without thinking. What the hell did Snape have to confess? "I'm busy—"
"I like you."
He stared, eyes huge, mouth forming a big 'o'. What the bloody hell did he just hear?
Snape smiled, a thin-lipped and creepy sort of smile. "I've liked you for a long time. The truth is, I'm jealous of your relationship with Lily… not because I like her, but because I like you."
What the—
Remus's chest rose and fall with each heavy breath, wondering what was going on. This was without a doubt some sort of prank. But… why? Did Snape somehow find out the truth about Remus being… like that… and was trying to get him to confess? Or was it something else? If he was going to harass and prank Remus, why do this? Why make it look like he was…
was…
Remus took in a deep breath and realized the truth instantly.
Snape did not smell fully like Snape.
Nor did he smell like the Slytherin common room.
Instead he smelled like the Gryffindor common room, and vaguely… very vaguely… of the shampoo that Sirius used.
This was Sirius.
Sirius was… somehow… looking like Snape and doing this to—to… well, he wasn't sure what sort of prank the Marauders were trying to pull with this one. If they wanted Snape to look like a fool they would have done something more public. Unless this was a lead up to a bigger prank?
He glanced around, trying to look panicked while actually looking for James and Peter. He didn't see them, however they were near the passageway behind the mirror. It was only a few corridors over.
"What?" he asked, snapping his gaze back to Sirius-Snape.
"I like you, Lupin." 'Snape' took a step closer. "Remus. I'm in love with you."
It felt like something sharp in his chest and he halfway wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. At the cruelty of this specific prank on him. At Sirius saying such a thing to him, even in Snape's voice. He wanted to punch Sirius, punch his teeth in, and call him something nasty.
But he couldn't, because he couldn't ever, ever, ever let Sirius in a million years suspect the truth.
Unless this was them trying to get the truth?
No, they'd corner him and ask him outright, like they had about the lycanthropy. No. This was just a bizarre and unfortunate coincidence.
So, I'll give him his own medicine, Remus decided, more annoyed than anything else.
"You… what?"
"I'm in love with you."
"Me?" he squeaked, trying to sound shocked, and 'Snape' nodded, reaching for his hands. "But… I thought you hated me."
"No, it was all a lie." He caught Remus's hands in his own and squeezed. "I love you."
"But… it… oh, Snape, it wouldn't work!" he said dramatically, pleased with the confusion in those black eyes. "You see, the truth is… someone else is in love with you, and they would be furious if… if we…" He trailed off and looked up at 'Snape' who looked completely off-kilter now. "Snape. Severus. The thing is, Sirius Black is in love with you, and I couldn't do that to him."
"I AM NOT!" 'Snape' screamed, yanking his hands away and cringing back. "You take that back, R—"
He stopped and Remus began laughing, doubling over and clutching his middle.
"Aw, Merlin's arse," Sirius moaned. "How did you know?!"
He straightened up and tapped the side of his nose. "You're wearing a Gryffindor uniform enchanted to look like a Slytherin one. You smell like the Gryffindor common room, not the Slytherin."
Sirius shook his head. "But I look like him! Completely like him. Don't I?"
"You do," Remus assured him. "Disgustingly so. Why the hell do you look like Snape? How do you look like Snape?"
He sighed and took Remus's elbow again. "Come on, then. We've got a surprise for you. I was going to trick you with this, I thought it'd be funny to have Snape acting like a—" A what? A fool? A h… homosexual? "But… ah well, I should have known you'd see right through it. Or… smell right through it."
"What if I didn't?" Remus demanded as they headed to the mirror passage, still wondering what the joke was supposed to be. "What if I punched you? Or hexed you?"
Sirius just laughed. "Would've been worth it." They got to the mirror and he breathed on it, writing open. When the mirror swung open, Remus was hit with a strange smell. "He figured it out!" Sirius complained as they went in.
James and Peter were standing there with a cauldron full of a potion that Remus didn't recognize. It looked like mud. He eyed it as Sirius explained what happened, and James laughed, saying he should have made a bet about it.
"What's going on?" Remus demanded. "Is this the potion you've been working on in secret?"
"Yes!" James exclaimed. "But… can we wait a few minutes? It feels weird talking about it while Siri looks like Snivellus. It should wear off any minute now."
Polyjuice potion, Remus thought, finally figuring it out. He had only read about it in books and had seen a picture once… It was an extremely advanced potion. So advanced that many adults couldn't even make it. How the hell did three thirteen-year-olds do it? Well, two. James and Peter.
"I know what this is," he said, wrapping his arms around himself. "How did you make it? How did you get some of the ingredients? Why did you make it?"
"It was hard to make," Pete said, looking mighty pleased with himself.
"It's not even… the instructions aren't even available in any book, are they? I mean any that you could get."
All three heads shook. "Nope," Sirius said. "I stole a book from my parents' library. It had the instructions there."
"I bought all the ingredients," added James. "As for the why…"
"Arrrgh!" Sirius moaned, doubling over as his skin began bubbling. Remus watched with fascination as Snape's features melted away and Sirius turned back into himself. He grew a little, and Remus wondered if it hurt his bones like his did under the full moon. Soon, though, Sirius was back to his usual self, only wearing a 'Slytherin' uniform that James quickly changed back to Gryffindor.
"That was horrible," Sirius muttered, brushing his hair with his fingers. "Bloody hell is it weird being that disgusting snake! I don't know how he does it."
"You're the one who, for some reason, wanted to be him," Remus pointed out.
"He wanted to play a joke on you," Peter explained.
A joke, about being like that, it was a joke. They think being like that is a joke. Bloody hell. "You needed a bit of Snape to turn into him…" Remus eyed Sirius who clutched his stomach. "What did you do?"
"Greasy, grimy hair," Sirius whispered before making retching sounds. "It was disgusting. But it was supposed to be worth it, except you figured it out."
Remus rolled his eyes. "My apologies," he said rather haughtily, still wanting to punch in Sirius's perfect teeth. At least it wasn't anything to do with them suspecting Remus was like that. "Now will you explain the why? Why make this… potion that you could get into serious trouble for making?"
Sirius stepped closer to James and Peter, and all three beamed at him. "For you!" James said and Peter did a ta-da sort of motion towards the cauldron.
Remus folded his arms, frowning deeply. "For… me?"
"TELL HIM!" Peter squealed, jumping up and down.
Sirius put his hands on his hips, his chest puffed out. "I found this potion this summer and thought it'd be a great prank. However…"
"We got to thinking about the possibilities," James continued, rubbing his hands gleefully. "This potion turns you into someone else, completely."
"Unfortunately, in my case," Sirius sighed. "Ew."
The others ignored him. "And we thought it might help you," Peter finished.
Remus looked at the potion then back at his grinning friends. "Help me? How on earth would this help me?"
James grabbed Remus by the shoulders. "You can turn into someone else during the full moon!"
He stared at James in complete disbelief. What? "What?!"
"Yes!" James pulled him to the cauldron. "You can turn into one of us, we don't care. You can take this, turn into one of us, and… and…"
"Maybe not go through it," Sirius said, putting his hand on Remus's shoulder. "Since you'd be one of us and not… you. Not fully you. You wouldn't transform."
"You'd have to keep drinking it during the night," added Peter. "But there's plenty here, and James and I can make it every month for you."
Remus stared at the cauldron then at his friends again, no idea what to say or even think. They just made a potentially illegal potion that was so advanced even adults had a hard time… also with rather expensive ingredients, if he remembered correctly… and spent an entire month nursing this potion in secret… all for… him?
"He's crying," James said triumphantly, elbowing Sirius. "Pay up."
Remus turned away from his friends, wiping his eyes off as Sirius dumped a galleon in James's hand. "I'm not crying!" he lied.
Peter's arms went around him in a hug. "You like it, then?"
Like it?
He burst into proper tears now and covered his face. How could this happen? His friends—his friends! No wonder they were keeping it a secret from him! Peter often disappearing to work on it, Sirius asking him to trust him… it all made sense now. It was for him. To help him. To help his lycanthropy.
He sniffled loudly and wiped his nose off on his sleeve. He didn't want to bring them down or burst their bubble, but he'd have to. "Thank you," he croaked out, wiping his face again. "I can't begin to thank you for this. I—I don't believe it. This is incredible."
They all were beaming again and then all three were hugging him, and he was squashed in all their arms for a
(pack)
group hug.
"You really did all this f-for me?"
"Anything to help you," Sirius said. "I've said it a hundred times, and I've meant it every time."
Remus sucked in some air, trying to breathe. "Thank you. I truly am grateful for this, but…"
"But? I don't like the but," James said, crossing his arms.
Remus couldn't even look at them and instead looked at his shoes. "Polyjuice potion doesn't work on werewolves. I—I'm sorry. It won't help me."
There was a dreadful frozen silence before all three began talking, wanting to know what he meant, that he was wrong, that he hadn't even tried it yet!
He backed up, hands in the air. "It doesn't work on anything that isn't fully human!" he explained.
"You are human!" James argued back.
"No!" He lowered his hands, feeling miserable for ruining this. "I'm not. I'm really not."
"How do you know it won't work?" demanded Sirius.
"It's been tried before," he said, and none of them responded. "For werewolves. It's been tried before. We are not fully human. It simply does not work on us. I'm sorry. I—" He stopped, biting his lip. "I really am grateful for this. Truly I am, it means more to me than I could ever, ever say."
"It's… not gonna work?" Pete asked.
He shook his head, wanting to cry again for different reasons now. "I'm sorry, no. It was…" He almost said it was all for nothing but it wasn't for nothing, because Remus felt more loved than he ever had in his entire life. Loved, cared about, someone—three someones—wanting to do anything for him. This was more than their Christmas presents the previous year, presents for him as a werewolf. This was them doing something dangerous, difficult, potentially illegal to try to help him.
It made him sick to see their crestfallen faces.
"Thank you," he said again, wishing he didn't have to bring them down. "Truly, thank you—"
James was hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry it can't help."
"I thought it would," said Sirius.
"We all did," added Pete. "We didn't know that… that…"
"I know." Remus pulled away from James only to be hugged by Peter. He hugged back. "It does mean so much to me. It really does."
When he and Peter separated he wondered if Sirius was going to hug him, but all he did was put a hand against Remus's back. Remus thanked them all again and marveled over the fact they had made the potion so well. Then Sirius was asking again if Remus was positive the potion wouldn't help and he explained again that it had been attempted before, multiple times, and it did not work for werewolves or other non-humans period. Then they went on and on about how he was human, ignoring the fact that if he was human it would work—ignoring the fact if he was human they wouldn't have had to go through all this in the first place.
James said that since they couldn't use it to help Remus, they could at least use it to pull pranks. Sirius suggested they turn into Slytherins like Snape, Mulciber, and Avery, and do things to get them in trouble. Remus didn't argue with their plans even though he didn't like them. He was too busy glowing over what happened. He wanted to bottle some of the potion up and keep it forever as a memento of their care for him. Would that be weird? It would probably be weird, but he did pull a little vial out of his bag and swipe a little bit up, corking the bottle and tucking it deep into his bag.