Author's note: First up is a big thank you and welcome to the 'team' to Nepomuk! Nep is helping out with some of the editing process to help lighten the load, as editing has been a bit soul-sucking for me lately. In addition for September as of now I will only be getting one chapter out a week, but that might change depending how things go. We'll see.

CW for child abuse, manipulation

-x-

"What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing, Remus John Lupin? Was this an attempt to—to blackmail us?"

"Lyall—"

"Threatening to bring that Fawley woman into whatever is going on?"

"Lyall, please."

Remus stood pressed against the door, breathing hard at the sight of his furious father. Hope had a hand on his arm, trying to keep him back, and Remus suspected if she didn't then Lyall would have slapped him by now.

"Explain yourself right now, because I don't enjoy these games. Do you have any idea how expensive Floo powder is? Do you?"

"Two sickles a scoop," Remus replied, trying not to let his voice tremble.

Lyall's nostrils flared. "Don't get smart with me, young man."

"I can't help but be smart, you helped raise a genius," he mouthed back, and regretted it immediately.

Lyall broke free from Hope and slapped Remus across the face, hard. Remus almost went down and Hope gave a cry, rushing over to grab Remus. "Remus, what has gotten into you?" she demanded, helping him back upright and touching his stinging cheek.

"The truth," he said, pulling away from his mother, putting his own hand against his cheek as the pain subsided. He hadn't meant to jump right in with everything, but then again he had been expecting a warmer welcome. Maybe some hugs, probably his mother crying with happiness at seeing him again. Not this. Which was stupid. He should have realized how furious his father would be at his letter.

"What truth?" Hope asked.

"What exactly is going on that you had to drag us clear across the country?" Lyall demanded.

Remus swallowed, glancing between them. All bravado failed now. He wanted to turn tail and run, hide somewhere, pretend it was all a mistake. It felt like a mistake. A giant glob of one of his failed potions, nothing but a disastrous mess.

"Well?" Lyall folded his arms. "You seemed intent enough in your blackmail."

"It wasn't blackmail," Hope said gently.

"He flat out told us he would get someone else involved," Lyall hissed out.

"I—no, no. Not involved, only—just to—just to see you," Remus mumbled, backing away from him. He pressed himself against the door again.

"And it couldn't wait another month until the holidays?"

He shook his head, looking down at his shoes. His frayed, worn, falling apart trainers that Lyall had complained about buying, reminding Remus that it was his fault that the Lupins were so poor. That memory stirred the wolf a bit and brought his Gryffindor courage back up.

"No, it couldn't," he said, forcing himself to meet Lyall's angry eyes. "I want you to tell me what happened the night I was bitten."

Hope gave a slight wail and Lyall threw his hands in the air. "For fuck's sake, not this again! I told you—"

"We don't talk about it," Remus said, a strange calmness settling over him.

"We don't talk about it," Lyall repeated. "And if you made us spend money on Floo to come here and—"

"Why don't we talk about it?"

Lyall's words faltered into silence at Remus's interruption. "It's a sensitive subject, and a traumatic one, and it will hurt your mother. Look at her." Remus looked over at the tears running down Hope's face. "You're hurting your mother."

"You're hurting me," he blurted out. Hope gasped and Lyall raised his eyebrows. Remus swallowed again and pressed against the door. "By not telling me the truth. By—by lying to me."

"Lying? For Merlin's sake, what do—"

"It wasn't my fault!"

Lyall jerked back and Hope sunk down into a chair, both of them staring at him. He clenched his hands into fists, pressing them against his thighs as he took in a few deep breaths.

"I wanted to give you another chance to tell me the truth but you won't. So I'll tell you." He lifted his chin, fury whipping through him again. "I know the truth."

Hope pressed the back of her hand against her mouth while Lyall tilted his head. "What are you talking about, Remus?"

Another deep breath. So many memories, pressing against his skin. "It wasn't my fault I was bitten and you let me think that for my entire life."

"Darling, of course it w-wasn't your fault, it was an accident," Hope whimpered.

"No, it wasn't. It wasn't an accident." Remus looked right at his father, gathering up every inch of his Gryffindor and Marauder bravery. Enjoy your soulless son now. "The werewolf came after me because of what you said."

Lyall turned pure white and he swayed slightly like he might fall over. Hope slumped even more in her chair, covering her face with her hands. "How… did…?"

"How did I find out?" Remus clenched his teeth, his father's reaction making him angrier than before. If Lyall had dismissed it or tried to make it into something else, that would have been one thing. But acting like this… acting like he had been caught in the act… that was a whole other level. "You mean, how did I find out through the memory loss spell you put on me?"

Lyall sat down hard into the chair behind him, looking shocked and lost. "It wasn't a memory loss spell," he said rather faintly.

Then Hope lifted her chin and Remus thought… he hoped… he prayed that she'd be angry about it. Instead she said in a shaky, nervous voice, "It was only to help you, baby. To help you through the trauma and fear and nightmares."

Remus stared at her, feeling empty. "You… knew? You knew what he did to me?" It felt like something had wrenched loose from inside and everything was falling out of him. His mother had known about the memory spell. He—he hadn't expected that, he assumed it was something his father had done on his own. But she knew.

She knew.

"Was it to help me?" he asked, his mouth and tongue dry. "Or was it to hide what the vampire said?"

Lyall's head jerked up at that. "Don't you—"

"Soulless," he spat out and Hope cringed. "He threw your words back at you, Dad. Didn't he? Because that's what it was about. You… shouting… at the Ministry that werewolves were soulless—"

"Remus—"

"That we're evil—"

"Remus—"

"THAT WE DESERVE TO DIE?!"

Lyall stood up and crossed the few feet between them but Remus kept his head up, eyes blazing, chest heaving, the wolf clawing at his soul, craving violence.

"Go ahead, Dad. Hit me."

"Stop!" Hope shrieked, getting to her feet as well.

Lyall's hand was raised but at that he dropped it. Then to Remus's shock he slowly went down until he was on his knees. "I said it," he croaked out. Hope was at his side, kneeling as well, arms around him. "I admit it. I said those things. That's what I used to believe. And I didn't want you to know, I admit that too."

Remus just stared down at his father, not sure how to react.

"But your mother is right, I also didn't want you to live with the memory of being bitten. It was ugly and violent and—and how could I let my son grow up with that in his head?"

"We both came to a decision about the spell, baby," Hope whispered, reaching out for him. She was on her feet again and grabbed him, pulling him in for a hug that he didn't return. He hated the feel of her arms around him and wanted to push loose, but also didn't want to make things worse. "We thought it best for you."

I've been VIOLATED, he thought angrily as he wriggled free. "It feels like you were purposely hiding things!" He got loose, ignoring her grasping hands, not wanting to be sucked in by her comforting arms. "You ruined my memory of that night, then refused to ever talk about what happened. You—you made me think it was my fault, all these years! You always complained that because I was bitten we didn't have enough money, because I was bitten we had to stay hidden, because I was bitten—and you never, ever thought to tell me it wasn't my fault at all?"

"We did," Hope pleaded. "I did."

"Not enough!" He stepped away from her reaching hands. "You said that sometimes, but never explained why it wasn't my fault! I always thought you were trying to—to—to—make me feel better! Things happened to us and changed our family because I was bitten, because of me, that's what I believed! Not because the werewolf made an active decision to attack me, and I'm an innocent victim!" He backed away even more, tears filling his eyes. "I always wondered why I left the house, why I wandered out that night. Surely that's what I must have done, in order to be attacked! That's what I believed but it wasn't the truth, I was—I was taken. It wasn't my fault!"

"What do you want me to do?" Angry Lyall was back, though part of him still sounded defeated. He hauled himself to his feet, glaring down at Remus. "I'm sorry. I am. But it was not a lie, all those things we supposedly said—our—our financial issues and having to be hidden was because you were bitten—"

"THAT STILL MAKES IT SOUND LIKE IT'S MY FAULT!" Remus screamed back, absolutely enraged at what his father dared to say!

"DON'T YELL AT ME!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME AND BLAME ME!"

"Stop, please, please," Hope cried, moving to stand between them. "Please, this—we can't—"

"I am NOT blaming you!" Lyall snarled.

Remus let out a disbelieving scoff. "You literally just said all our problems were because I was bitten—"

"And they are! Our troubles stem from the fact you are a werewolf, Remus!" Lyall stepped around Hope, face reddening with anger. "I'm not blaming you, but that is the truth."

"You—are—BLAMING ME! YOU ARE PUTTING THE GUILT AND SHAME AND BLAME ONTO ME!"

Lyall pulled at his hair, looking like he wanted to tear it out. Or tear Remus up. "What the hell am I supposed to say, then? It's because you're a werewolf—"

"IT'S BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO KILL MY KIND!"

Lyall's mouth snapped shut and his eyes bugged out a little. Hope was covering her mouth again, tears dripping. Remus stepped back and was against the wall now, crying as well.

"It's not my fault. It was never my fault."

"So now you're blaming me," Lyall said flatly.

Remus lifted his chin and wiped some of the tears away. "It is your fault. It's your fault I was attacked, that I was bitten."

"Not your kind," Hope sniffled, her sorrow only irritating Remus further. "You're human, baby, you're human."

"No. I'm not, Mum. I'm a werewolf. I am one of the… things… Dad wanted to kill ten years ago and because of his hatred, I was turned into—into this." He looked down at his hands. "It's nothing I did. It was revenge against you. It could have easily been Mum. It was—just someone you loved, turned into this."

There was a long stretch of silence except for Hope's stifled sobs.

Then Lyall sighed. "Fine, it's my fault. Are you happy now?"

Remus didn't look up, he kept looking at his hands. A month ago, if his father said that in that voice he'd be tripping all over himself to apologize, to insist it wasn't Lyall's fault. "I'm not happy right now," he said slowly, curling his fingers against his palms. "How can I be happy after—after finding out I've been lied to and deceived by my parents for—for almost my entire life?"

Lyall pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are turning this into something dramatic, Remus—"

"I have the right to!" he snapped back. "I—I am—I'm hurt. I'm really upset and hurt and—and—and—" Something seized him and he looked up again. "I'm not coming home for the Christmas holidays."

"Remus!" Hope yelped, the tears getting worse.

"No, I—I can't. I'm sorry, I—I need time to—"

"Time?" Lyall let out an annoyed laugh. "For what?"

Remus gaped at him. "To deal with everything I just found out!"

They stared at each other for what felt forever and then Lyall snorted. "Fine."

"Lyall—"

"That's your decision and frankly I don't even want to look at you right now, you're being a petty, dramatic little brat, hurting your mother because you think you've been wronged. We never lied to you. We never deceived you." Lyall jammed his finger into Remus's chest, leaning in to be face to face. "And you sure as hell better get over this fucking attitude before you hurt your mother even more, do you understand me?"

Remus remained silent, staring up into Lyall's eyes until Lyall broke the contact. He pulled away. "I'll be in the hall." And without even a goodbye he left McGonagall's office, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Baby…" Hope sobbed.

Remus turned to face her and gave in, crossing the space between them to hug her. She clung to him, her tears soaking into his hair and uniform.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She clutched him tightly until his body hurt from her grip. "I thought we did what was best. I thought we did… the right thing…"

Remus closed his eyes, tilting his head against her shoulder. "I know, Mum."

"Please don't be mad at us, please don't… hate us…"

"I don't hate you," he promised, tightening his own hold but being careful he didn't squeeze too much. "I'm just… upset and… and hurt…" He was more than that, but he was also tired. So damn tired.

"We tried to do the right thing," she said again.

"I know." He hated the fact he had to comfort her. It should have been the other way around! But he knew how difficult this was for her, and how much it was going to hurt her when he stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays. No matter what happened with his father, his mother really had been trying her best for him.

Of course, that didn't mean she was right or he had to forgive her immediately.

Hope pulled away, cupping his face in her hands. "Did you find out all of this through that… mind witch? Fawley?"

Remus slowly nodded. "She helped me," he said firmly. "But it was my decision. I had to know, Mum. I was having nightmares and it was confusing and—"

She pulled him close to kiss his forehead then held him again. "I should have told you. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry I didn't. It—it was so hard for me. I thought I lost you that night. You were so… mangled…"

"I know," he whispered. "I saw that, in my memory. I—I know it was hard for you. But you should have told me. Especially about Dad—"

"He loves you," she said swiftly. "Don't ever think otherwise, he does love you, he's changed. He's changed his mind. You changed his mind."

"I still should have known about Greyback."

Hope let go, face going whiter. "How—how do you know that name?"

"Miss Fawley told me." Because you wouldn't.

"He was a horrible, horrible monster," Hope said shakily. "Not all werewolves are. You aren't. But he was. Lyall told me about him, he—he seemed to enjoy hurting children. We should have known he would come for you. Lyall—he thought Greyback would… simply try to attack us, as a human. Lyall. We never thought… but we should have known."

"You couldn't have known," Remus mumbled. Then, because he didn't get the chance to confront his father about it, he brought it up to his mother. "This summer I asked you if Dad wanted me healed, after I was bitten. In—in my memory he… he seemed…"

"He wanted it," Hope said, running her fingers through his hair. "He was hysterical that night, seeing you like that. He told me after that no child has ever been healed from an attack like that. That he thought… assumed… you would die." She choked on the last word and let out a soft cry before wrapping her arms around him. "We both thought we'd lose you that night."

He didn't say anything, not having any real response.

"Are you really staying for the holidays…?"

"I want to," he admitted, pulling back. "I'm sorry. I—I want… time to… think about things, to—to deal with all of this."

He expected her to cry and beg for him to rethink that, but instead she hugged him for the millionth time. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. I hope you'll change your mind before. Please. Please think about it…"

"I will."

She kissed his forehead again and then pressed her forehead against the spot. "I love you so much, Remus baby."

"I know. I love you too, Mummy. I do."

"I wish I could stay here but your father probably…"

"I know," he said again when she didn't finish the sentence; he was a little surprised Lyall hadn't shouted for Hope to hurry up yet. "I love you. I—I'll write."

"Thank you," she sniffled. "I love you. So much. Please never forget that or think otherwise, no matter what you think about—about how we went about things. I love you, you are my everything, baby boy. My everything."

He kissed her damp cheek and then they separated, Hope crying again as she left the room. Remus saw his father through the open door, glaring at Remus and giving a jerk of his head towards Hope while staring at him as if to say this is your fault.

Remus held his chin up, wanting more than anything to point at his father to say it was his fault. However, he kept that gesture to himself, in his head. He didn't want to enrage his father any further. Especially since the proposition of him leaving school had never even come up.

The door swung shut on its own and Remus sank down onto the floor, clutching his midriff and crying from pain. He continued crying until he couldn't and then simply curled up, his entire body shivering. That's how McGonagall found him not long after, and before he could apologize for his actions or staying in her office too long she conjured up some tea and biscuits for him, along with a damp handkerchief to wipe his face off.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "Or is it a private family matter?"

Remus sat in a chair, clutching the teacup, staring at nothing. "Family affair," he whispered. "Nothing… bad." He finally looked down at the tea and sighed. "They lied to me. About… things. And. And I talked to them about it."

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Mr. Lupin. Are you all right?" He shrugged and hunkered down, sipping at the tea. "Do you need to be excused from today's classes?"

"No."

She gave a slight harrumph. "I do not wish to overstep myself however, I have noticed in the past you… have difficulties when you're distraught."

He choked a little on his tea at that, and felt himself blushing a little.

"If you truly want to go to classes, it is your decision. But if you need to rest… don't feel guilty or bad."

He looked up at her, realizing how sick he was of feeling guilty. And here was his teacher—his Head of House—suggesting he rest. "That might be for the best," he admitted. "If… it's all right?"

"Of course it's all right, I'll let the other teachers know."

Remus set the teacup down, not really wanting anything. He felt exhausted and drained and all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep. "Thank you, Professor."

She walked him to the door and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'm here whenever you need me, Remus."

He nodded and left, going straight for his dorms where he fell into bed to lay there in a strange, drifting sort of feeling until he fell asleep.

-x-

"Remus!"

He jerked awake, nearly banging into Sirius who was leaning over him, face full of concern, body smelling of fear. Sirius's hands were on his shoulders, about to shake him.

"Wh-what?"

"Are you all right?" Sirius clutched his shoulders, examining Remus's face carefully.

"Uh—wha—what time is it?"

"Are you okay?" He was now looking over Remus's arms.

Remus rubbed his eyes, sitting up a bit more. "I think so. I'm—I'm a bit… groggy. What time is it?"

"A little after eleven. We were looking for you since Muggle Studies let out—"

The door banged open and James and Peter marched in. "Oh good you found him. Hey Remus! What's going on? You all right?"

Sirius let go of Remus's arms. "He seems to be all right. He was asleep." He said the last bit rather accusingly.

"I talked to my parents for a while, there wasn't much reason to return to class," Remus said a little defensively. "McGonagall suggested I rest." She had suggested he take the day off from classes but now he wasn't so sure about doing it. If he did, the Marauders would get suspicious. Remus didn't skip class unless something big happened and he really didn't want them trying to pry into his confrontation. "How did the… water thing go?"

"It was brilliant!" laughed James, falling back onto his bed. "I am absolutely buying water pistols over the holidays!"

Peter sat on the edge of his bed, bouncing a little, grinning from ear to ear. "I did really good, everyone wanted me on their team 'cause I used 'em before. I knew how to use them and fill them up and stuff."

"Some of the girls weren't as into it until Lewis promised to use drying spells after, then everyone got into it," James continued. "They were worried about their hair."

"It's a shame you weren't there, it was one of the best classes ever!" added Peter.

James propped himself upright. "But as I said, I'm getting some over the holidays so we can have some fun with them. I bet they'd be a riot with paint in them. D'you think they would get clogged up? Maybe we could tinker with them, with some spells to make sure they don't clog up and we can use paint. Or colored water or something."

Sirius remained quiet during all of this, his gaze continually shifting to Remus and studying his face. "You're all right, though?" he finally asked when James took a breath.

"Me? Yes, why?"

"I wanted to make sure." He looked down, picking at his fingernails. "I wasn't sure why your parents needed to see you. If you were in trouble or not."

Suddenly, Sirius's fears made sense. He had been worried Remus had been hurt. Punished, like Sirius probably would have been if his parents visited. Like when his father had visited earlier in the year, about Muggle Studies. "I'm not in trouble," Remus said, pulling his knees up to his chest. "They came because I asked them to come. Because… because I saw that night. Of when I was… you know. I wanted to talk to them about it."

James and Peter were quiet now, looking expectantly at Remus. He hugged his knees tighter, not sure what to say. He couldn't tell them everything, or even some of it really.

"It's fine, it was just… emotional, really. So did you learn anything else in Muggle Studies or was it only playing with the water toys?" He wanted a distraction. Needed one.

James and Peter yammered on about everything (apparently Lewis showed them some more Muggle toys) while Sirius remained silent, his grey eyes fixated on Remus which he did his best to ignore. Then James jumped up and went through his trunk until he pulled the Muggle games out he had bought the previous weekend.

"We should play these, I forgot all about them." He held the boxes up, Monopoly and Twister. "I told Lewis about them and she laughed and said Monopoly is a dangerous game, so we should probably play that one." He set Twister down and began studying the Monopoly box. "I don't see what's so dangerous about it, though. It's Muggle, so it can't do much. But let's try it!"

"Would—I—I'd rather rest right now, is… do you mind?" Remus asked as Sirius slid off his bed. "I'll watch though."

"Sure, you can play another time," James said and began setting the game up.

It was an absolute disaster. Remus wound up staying awake through it all, trying not to laugh. Peter ended up being the banker, since he was the only one who knew anything about paper money, but he was hopeless at it and kept getting things mixed up. James kept trying to use magic on the dice to get doubles and at one point ended up spelling the dice so badly it shot off. It pinged off the wall, a wardrobe, the window, and it took them five minutes to find it after it rolled under a pile of Sirius's dirty laundry.

That resulted in a lot of arguing, Sirius and Peter telling James to stop cheating, even though when Sirius ended up in jail he bullied Peter until Peter gave him his get out of jail card. James and Sirius also insisted because they had no idea what an electric company was, they didn't need to pay Peter whenever they landed on it.

It was enjoyable to watch even with the heaviness dragging him down, and as his friends continued to argue a sense of comfort settled around him; this felt more like family than anything else, to him. At least right now. He felt so much more connected to them… and knew they treated him better than his own parents.

Or maybe he was just really bitter at the moment.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when (what was later dubbed) the King's Cross Incident happened. Sirius landed on it and bought it, and James kept trying to buy it off him, mostly because it was one of the few spots on the board he recognized. Then when James landed on it instead of paying Sirius he declared he was taking it over and challenged Sirius to a duel over it, which they actually did. During the duel they wound up hitting the board and knocking the pieces, cards, and money all over the place and by the time Sirius won the duel nobody had any idea where anything went. That started a whole other argument as they tried to sort through everything, James trying to claim more property pieces than he had before and then kept trying to put his piece on one of the blue squares, pretending he had been on it before even though the whole thing had started because he had been on King's Cross.

"I don't think we should be allowed to duel for property spaces," Peter suggested once they almost got everything back to some semblance of normality.

"Where's the fun if we don't?" complained James.

"We're supposed to buy property," Peter pointed out, waving some money.

"It's more fun to duel. I say we duel for spaces now."

"I don't want to…"

"Only because you're no good at dueling."

Peter flushed a little. "Okay, you're right. I mean, going by the game rules I was winning which—"

"You were not!"

"Was so, I had the most property and money—"

James and Peter began arguing and as they did, Sirius reached over and stole a couple of properties off of both of them and when they noticed they dragged Sirius into the fight. It became physical, all three of them rolling around on the floor sending the pieces once again flying. This time they gave up trying to get the game together and after they finished their fighting they just put everything away, all of them grumbling to themselves.

Lewis was right, Remus thought, stretching out on his bed, feeling relieved for those moments of being able not to think about what happened. Monopoly is a dangerous game.