I want to sincerely apologize for my absence. It's like every time I sit down to write, I'm being called into work. I'm not complaining about the work, we're in a bit of a rough patch and need the money, but I miss writing! It doesn't help that every time I spend a week away from the laptop, my plans of what I wanted to write have disappeared. I hate it and I feel so…I want to say scatterbrained. Maybe I'm too hard on myself but I just can't feel a flow. I feel like I'm moving too fast and then I feel like I'm moving too slow. It's hard to tell when I haven't touched this chapter in a week. I feel like I've lost touch with the way I wanted Rose to be and how she really is and it bothers me so much. I know what I want to do, but damn am I having trouble putting it together when I spend so much time working. So please let me know what you think about the chapter and pace of the story. Enjoy .
I can remember the exact moment I realized I fell in love with the Belikov Family. The moment when I realized I had become a part of their family and I didn't want to run away. It's a stupid moment really, but it's probably the best moment of my life so far. A moment when I, Rosemarie Hathaway, stopped being an unwanted and alone wrecked mass to being a piece of a whole loving family. I'm still a wreck most of the time, but more of a slightly normal wreck. Her I go getting all sappy.
Snow. Smiling up at the sky I watch as it falls around the family as we take down the winter decorations. The big fluffy flakes make the world look new as they cover the surface of the Earth. The thought makes me happy…hopeful. A slight breeze has me pulling my scarf up around my lower face. I want it to stay this way forever. It may be freezing out here, but I love it.
"Rose you have to pay attention or you'll fall off the ladder." Sonya's voice rips me from my thoughts and I find she's right.
The winds pushing at the ladder and the only thing holding me from falling 20ft down are the sturdy hands of Dimitri at the bottom. Nodding my head, I reach up and pull some of the remaining light off and drop them down.
"Mama look at me!" Paul shouts as he slides around on his sled. His laughter makes me smile and I'm glad no one can see it or they'd think I'm soft.
"Paul be careful." Karolina calls as she brings out a tray of hot chocolate. "Rose I made some cocoa if you want any."
"Thank you!" I shout down.
Catching Dimitri's eyes, I find him smiling up at me. Heart stuttering, I look back up. One day he's going to be the death of me. Tugging on a string I find it being stubborn. Frowning I shuffle slowly to the edge of the ladder and give a powerful tug.
"Careful Roza." Dimitri warns.
"I'm fine." I laugh at him as the cords come loose.
The wind gives an extra gush making the ladder sway. Gripping the bars tightly I wait until it passes and sigh in relief. Seeing the last of the lights are done I take a step down and find air. Looking down I put my foot on the bar and scream when my foot slips on an unseen patch of ice and suddenly I'm airborne. There is nothing slow about this. One second I'm on the ladder, the next I'm plummeting through the air screaming and curling inward. I feel myself falling through wind and close my eyes before I hear a shout and hit something, slowing down, before hitting the ground. Air rushes from my lungs and I fight for a breath before breathing in deep.
"ROZA!" Dimitri's frantic voice sounds out and I realize he's beneath me. Did he catch me? I'm shifted and cold meets my back. "Are you okay?! Roza! Open your eyes!"
Opening my eyes, I find everyone crowded in a circle around me. When did they all get here? Everyone looks so worried and Olena looks close to tears. Dimitri's still holding me and looking down on me in panic.
"Are you hurt? Someone call an ambulance!" Olena calls out.
The reaction takes me by surprise. They're…they're scared for me? This what it must feel like to have a family. Having people worry for you like this. I continue to stare at all of them before it sets in. I have a family. The realization hits me hard and, as everyone stares at me in concern and confusion, I bust out laughing.
I thought the realization would've kicked in during the breakfast that Karolina, indeed, made for me after getting out of the hospital. Apparently, all my favorite breakfast food wasn't enough to convince me…yet falling off a roof? Shrugging off the thought I hang up the rest of my laundry and step into my room. The sight makes me smile. While in the hospital…a second time to be examined for falling off a ladder. The family had banded together to paint my room. The borders and trim were now a pretty off white and the walls were soft blue with lavender stripes on the window wall. They also painted my window sill and door grey to offset it. The thought that they did this for me left me blushing and feeling warm at the same time.
"I hope you still like the colors."
Jumping I grasp my chest as a small scream escapes me. Eyes swinging to my doorway I find Dimitri standing there with an amused expression. I scowl at him.
"Make a noise!" I snap at him. "I about had a heart attack."
I listen to him chuckle, trying to ignore the way the sound drifts over my skin, and mumble about buying him a bell. Going over to my desk I pull out my timeline for his class.
"You can't possibly, already, be working on the timeline." He says sounding exasperated. I listen to his footsteps make their way across my room to stand behind me. "It's not due for another two weeks."
Shivers run down my spine when his voice sounds next to my ear. I don't need to turn to know he's bent next to me as he observes my work. The heat of his body and the scent of his cologne is plenty to go by. My body feels like it's on high alert…it has been since we left the hospital.
"I love you."
Humming in response I put the finishing touches on the Boston Tea Party sketch and quickly write a brief description.
"You're a talented artist." He comments. I feel his gaze on my face as he turns to look at me. "Have you ever thought about taking an art class?"
"I'd rather write." I tell him as I turn to look at him. "It's why I'm taking creative writing."
He doesn't look away from me as he pulls something from behind him and sets it on my desk. Fighting against the pull I manage to rip my eyes away from his and try to ignore how flushed and flustered I feel. A beautiful leather-bound notebook sits on the desk.
"I thought you might like to put some stories in here." His voice is soft, like velvet, and smooth like silk. The sound, mixed with his proximity, has my nerve endings tingling. "Maybe one day you can publish them."
"I love you. I love your smile, your laugh. I love how selfless you are. I love how you look at snow. I love how hard you work. I love how strong you are."
"I'm not that good." I murmur, trying to keep my focus. "Thank you though. It's beautiful."
"I love you."
I feel his eyes run over me before he straightens up. I feel relief flood me before the ache from being distanced sets in. Carefully folding up my timeline, I put it away and set my new journal in a slot of my desk.
"I need to get ready for work." I tell him as I stand up and stretch.
I don't hear an answer but gasp when warm hands latch onto the skin of my hips where my shirt rode up. Electricity zaps through me and I close my eyes when I feel his body press against mine from behind. His breath puffs against my neck.
"Anyone can see this with the door open." I remind him. His grip tightens. "I need to go to work. It's been a week and I can safely say I'm fully recovered from the pond incident."
Lips touch my skin and my heart starts pounding. I'm skating on dangerous territory. The silver cord is yanking so hard, I'm surprised I'm not falling over. A small amount of suction at the place where my neck and shoulder connect.
"Ah." I gasp out softly.
The sound seems to encourage him as one of his hands move from my hip and starts to trail upward. My head falls back to lay against his chest.
"I've missed your skin." He whispers against my skin. His fingers stroke along my bra line. "Don't you miss my touch?"
I can't reply as his fingers dip below the bra and graze my nipple. My lower region feels moist and I can feel his erection through our clothes. I'm supposed to stop this. I need to stop this. I chant the phrases in my head louder and louder in hopes of overcoming my body's yearning.
"I love you." He whispers.
My body locks up and I finally have the strength to push his hands away from me. He steps back immediately and the cold air snaps me fully back to my senses. Head bowed I attempt to relax my body…that's screaming in protest.
"I can't do this." I tell him. I hear him sigh. "Please go. I need to get ready for work. It's Friday and Lissa is going to need me."
I don't look up until I hear him leave my room and shut the door behind him. Looking up I find my empty room. I'm grateful he didn't push me. Lately he's been great at giving me my space when I need it. It made it that much easier and harder to keep him distant. It was easier to stay away, but the respect of my boundaries showed me he's trying and it made it harder to not give in. He may have hurt me, but it doesn't stop me from wanting him. He's Dimitri. Stoic, kind, sensible, protective, brave…my Dimitri. I miss him. Something flutters in my chest and I feel myself shy away from it. I'm not ready to face it.
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"Lissa for the billionth time, I am fine. I already to work. I need to work."
From the moment I walked through the doors of the bakery, Lissa was like a mother hen. She won't let me carry anything too large. I'm to sit on a stool while I ring up orders. I don't need to wipe down tables if I'm too tired. As nice as her gestures were…I just want to work. So here I am, in Lissa's office. She's staring at me with a concerned look and it makes trying to let her know that I'm okay so much harder for some reason.
"I just don't want you to get hurt." She says kindly. Guilt starts to seep in.
"I know and I'm infinitely grateful, but I'm okay." I smile. "I've been cleared for a week now and I just want to work. I'm getting impatient at home and I'm trying to save up for college. The less I have to depend on loans, the better."
She looks torn before smiling and nodding. My smile turns into a full grin and I go to bus some tables.
"Hey Rose."
"Hi Rose."
"It's great to see you again Rose."
"Rose! You're back!"
People seem happy to see me as I move through the bakery with ease. I make sure to say hi and keep up with the huge influx of orders, smiling widely at the amount of tips left behind for me. The smell of baked goods and coffee has been much missed the last week. The place seems extremely busy tonight. A steady amount of people file into the building and outside of the to go window, keeping me on my feet and moving every minute of my shift. Eddie, Mason, Viktoria, Mia, and Jill played poker at one of the tables most of the night so I had someone to joke with as I work. I frown when I see Viktoria leave with some guy before everyone else. The vague thought that that is probably Roland has me on edge. By the time they leave, closing time looms, and my whole body aches in a way that tells me I'm getting some good sleep tonight. Breaking out closing clipboard, I set to work. Dishes, sweeping, mopping, wiping things down, stacking chairs, window cleaning. I'm just getting started on restocking the bookcases when the door dings.
"You're not closed, are you?"
Looking up I find Lissa's cousin Adrian standing in front of the counter.
"Not yet." I tell him. "Can I get you anything?"
His eyes roam over me and I feel a blush trying to surface. Adrian's a known drinker with a reputation of breaking hearts…and working with Abe. With stunningly good looks and enough charm to be the next prince charming…he can definitely be labeled as dangerously sexy. Raising an eyebrow at him I smile when he flushes.
"I'm just on a coffee run. I need two Columbians with an extra shot of expresso. One with a splash of cream." He says as he pulls out his wallet. "Both in the biggest size you have."
Nodding I quickly ring him up and hand him is change, which he dumps into my tip jar.
"You're the girl that fell into the pond, right?" He asks as he watches me make the coffee.
"I didn't fall." I tell him, trying to keep my annoyance out of my voice. "The ice broke while we were skating."
"Must've been cold."
A laugh escapes me at his comment and I put lids on the cups.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that." I tell him as I hand over the cups. "Anything else?"
"I'm throwing a party on Valentine's day." He states as his eyes skirt over me. "You should come."
"Wow an invitation to a party." I say in playful sarcasm. "What an honor."
"Everyone comes to my party, but you should feel honored because I rarely invite someone in person." He smirks.
"I'll keep that in mind pretty boy." I tease. "Have a goodnight sir."
I watch as he leaves and smile when Dimitri walks in.
"I hate to say this, but sir we're closed." I tell him, gesturing to the clock.
"I'm here to walk you home. Are you off yet?" He asks in his ever-famous straight face. The slight twitch at the edge of his lips is the only giveaway that my comment amused him.
"I still need to finish restocking and then I have to clean the machines." I let him know.
He doesn't say anything as he sits down and pulls out a book to read. The silence is comfortable as I finish up my job and clock out. Calling out to Lissa that I'm heading home I pull on my outerwear and throw my satchel over my shoulders, before grabbing my tips and turning to Dimitri.
"Ready?" I ask as I head out.
It's not snowing to my disappointment, but some people still haven't taken down their decorations so the lights are pretty. We walk in silence for a minute. Just enjoying each other's company. Our coats brushing every few steps.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have touched you without your permission." His voice is tinged with regret.
"You shouldn't apologize." I tell him. "I did want it, but I'm trying to…"
"Punish me?" He asks. I stop in my tracks.
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" I ask dumbfounded.
He looks up at the sky. His hands in his pockets. The look on his face is almost pained and the sight of it makes my heart hurt.
"Isn't that what the last month and a half has been about?" He asks without looking at me. He looks like he's far away. Lost in his thoughts. "I made a mistake and you're punishing me for it."
"Maybe at first that's what I was doing." I admit. "But it's so much more than that."
He finally turns to look at me.
"I don't trust easily and I trusted you. You came in and you showed me something and then you slammed a door in my face."
"I'm sorry." He says.
"I know you are. I understand what you did and why you did it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less." I tell him. A sigh makes its way out of me. "I'm not punishing you Dimitri. I'm protecting myself from feeling that way ever again."
"I won't hurt you again." He insists. I smile sadly in response.
"That's not a guarantee." I tell him. "You're a good man Dimitri, but I've been hurt enough throughout my life and I don't need to be hurt anymore."
"I love you." His voice is rough, powerful, determined. "I'm always going to prove it. You'll see it one day."
"I know." I tell him in a wistful voice. "I'm just not ready."
Silence envelopes us and I turn only to see Viktoria exiting a car and running up to the house.
"Viktoria?" Dimitri asks sounding confused. She freezes and turns to look at us. "What are you still doing out? It's late and a school night."
"I was out with my study group and didn't notice the time." She says smoothly.
I feel unease slither its way into my stomach and make a note to talk to her tomorrow about maybe seeing someone different. Dimitri and I go our separate ways.
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"Viktoria please understand!" I beg. "I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't want you getting hurt."
"No Rose!" She snaps at me looking genuinely hurt and extremely angry. "You're supposed to be my best friend. Why can't you just support me?!"
"He's not good for you!" I exclaim.
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!" She shouts at me before slamming her bedroom door in my face.
My day couldn't get any freaking worse. Not only did I forget my bag with my essay at home, I was late for work, spilled coffee on myself, and decided to talk to Viktoria. I don't know why I thought being honest with Viktoria about my feelings on her dating Roland would be a good idea. Not only did it hurt my best friend's feelings, but it found me outside her bedroom door in a dark hallway. Worst fucking day. Anger fills me at her blatant display of not listening to me. Where is the trust?! I'm not doing this for my own good! I'd much rather be lying in bed watching tv.
"If I'm supposed to support you as a best friend then you should have the decency to listen to me instead of throwing a fit like a…like a…!" I shout through the door. My words taper off and I feel guilt rise a little in me.
"Like a what?" She seethes as if challenging me. Her tone wipes the guilt away.
"LIKE A BITCH!" I scream at the door.
"Fuck you Rose!" She yells back.
"No, fuck you!" I yell back before stomping my feet to my room and slamming my door loud enough for her to hear.
Pacing back and forth in my room I let out a huff. How dare she?! I'm just looking out for her. I don't want her getting hurt like Karolina and it's not my place to tell her about Paul and Zoya. I'm just…I just…AH!
"Are you okay?"
"SHIT!" Spinning around I find Dimitri standing in my closet doorway. "Get a bell!"
He doesn't say anything as he watches me rage in the middle of my room.
"Your sister is…impossible!" I snap. "I'm just trying to help. If I'm a bad friend for not supporting her then she's an equally bad friend for not even trying to listen to my reasons why!"
"I think once you guys calm down you'll work it out." He assures.
"No, we won't, because she can't listen worth a crap! I don't know why I even bothered. If she wants to get hurt, then that is on HER!" I rage. "I'm trying to be a good person right now and does she notice? NO! Does she care? NO! She…she…She makes me so angry!"
I stop pacing the room and close my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feeling my heartbeat slow down I finally open my eyes to look at Dimitri. Big. Fucking. Mistake. I feel lust, fueled with anger, surge through me when I realize that he's only in a pair of pajama bottoms, leaving his bare chest out in the open. He must see something on my face because he instantly tenses and I see a slight swell forming under his pants.
"I love you."
His words echo in my head at the most inopportune time, for the billionth time, except this time I feel my heart start to flutter. The feeling mixes dangerously with the lust and anger combination.
"I need you to leave. I need you to go back to your room." I moan out.
Without another word, he does what I request. Slamming my hands on my desk I feel my shoulders sag. Why does the world hate me?
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Studying was what I was doing before I heard my door open and close. With the sound, went any hope of being able to concentrate on the work in front of me. It became impossible when hot chocolate was placed in front of me and the combined scent of cocoa and Dimitri hit me. This is the first time we'd been in the same room alone since the night of Viktoria and I's fight. I thought maybe time away from him would help balance the ever growing lust, but I guess I'm wrong…again. Forcing myself to breathe evenly I look at him.
"Now I feel like you're bribing me." I tell Dimitri as he puts a new book and mug of hot chocolate in front of me on my desk.
"No, I've always gotten you books and left you hot chocolate before." He says simply. I can't argue with it so I leave it alone. "Are you and my sister talking yet?"
The question makes me tense. It's been three days and Viktoria is still visibly hurt and has taken to avoiding me at all costs. I don't reply to him. Noticing my silence, I hear him sigh.
"She can be stubborn. I'm sorry." He tells me. "She'll regret this later and apologize."
"I don't care." I mumble.
"That's a lie and we both know it."
His statement renders me silent and I look down at my hands. It is a lie. I found myself missing Viktoria and extremely hurt at her silent absence. It didn't help that it only angered me too, and I found myself avoiding her also. A stupid cycle we've fallen into, but both of us seemed to stubborn to apologize first.
"Do you always plan on sneaking in to my room while everyone's asleep?" I ask, abruptly changing the subject.
He sits on the edge of my bed and stares at me quietly. Setting up my finished homework, I turn around my chair and stare back.
"I finished up grading papers and thought you could use some company." He shrugs.
"It's 11pm and we both have school tomorrow." I remind him as I stand up. His eyes flash over my skimpy sleeping shorts and tank top before zooming back up to mine. "We should both be going to bed."
"Technically, you have school. I have work." His voice sounds husky and it has a fire igniting in my belly.
"Then that's more of a reason to go to bed." I breathe out.
My grip on the back of my chair is tight compared to my loosening grip on my control. Dimitri stands and makes his way over until he's chest to chest with me. With a pounding heart, I watch frozen as he leans down to whisper in my ear.
"Goodnight Roza."
I don't reply and instead of pulling away, I feel his lips brush against the sensitive skin bellow my ear. My breath hitches and I feel the cord between us start to pulse. Hot fingers brush up my arms and I feel my heart pound before being flooded with relief and disappointment when he suddenly pulls away from me.
"This is getting harder." His voice is strained. Fingers brush me again before I use every bit of my will to push him away.
"Go." I groan.
I listen to him walk back to his room and let out the breath I'd been holding. My body feels like it's buzzing and I feel tight. Like a spring coiled too tightly. Dimitri's right, this is getting infinitely harder. Groaning I grab a towel and head towards the shower. I need a cold shower.
"I love you."
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"Someone please explain when it became okay to push six pounds of homework, four study guides, and two essays onto students who have to study for finals." Eddie groans painfully as he lifts his bag over his shoulders.
"How are we supposed to concentrate on studying for the finals when we have all of this other shit to do?" Mason groans back in agreement. I stay silent and they both look at me. "You already finished it all, didn't you?"
"I still have to finish my math packet." I tell them defensively.
"HOW DO YOU DO IT?!" Eddie's shout earns us a disapproving look from a nearby teacher and he lowers his voice. "You work almost every day, babysit on your days off, and you still manage to find time to finish everything. I don't know how you do it."
"Freak of nature." Mason says solemnly.
"Maybe if you two didn't spend all your time playing online or in the coffee shop, you'd be able to get some work done." I tell them.
"She wounds us." Mason says.
I laugh as I watch them grab various parts of their bodies and make death groans before grabbing onto each other and falling to the ground "dead".
"We never even got a chance to write her out of our wills." Eddie gasps before they pretend to die.
"What are you guys doing?"
All of us look up and find Viktoria staring at the scene in confusion. I feel hope flutter in my chest and crush it. After a week of not talking…
"Rose killed us." Eddie says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"She probably had a point about whatever she said."
My gaze shoots to her and I watch as she smiles sheepishly in apology at me. Relief floods me and I smile back.
"I've missed you." I tell her.
"Me too." She replies.
"THEY WOUND US!"
"DAMN THEM!"
"NO YELLING IN THE HALLS!"
The scream of Alberta makes us all quiet down and we link arms as we move down the hall.
"I want some coffee."
"Yeah a scone sounds good."
"Can you use your discount?"
I register their question but find myself distracted when we pass by Dimitri's classroom. I wonder if he's going to pick me up from work? Shaking my head, I frown at the question. Since when did I start caring about him being there after work?
"Rose?" Viktoria's voice breaks me out of my head.
"Yeah I'll use my discount."
"She's redeemed herself.
"Back in the will Edward."
"She was never out of it."
"I love you."
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"I love you."
My breath feels like sandpaper in my throat and my heat is pounding. Is this even real? Could this really happen twice? After two days of being locked in a room with Viktoria, watching tv, life had struck…and man did she strike hard. All I wanted to do was use the bathroom. Maybe splash some water on my face, but nope. Instead here I am. Standing in a warm humid bathroom with a naked hot Russian god…again. Except unlike last time, the need to touch him is unbearable. It's not even like he's trying to do anything with me. He's just standing there…looking at me. I feel my face flush and my legs feel weak.
"I love you."
"You forgot to lock the door." I manage push out.
"I'm sorry." He says sounding dazed and I feel a yank from the silver cord.
I can't stop my eyes from roaming over his exposed skin. Tingling starts between my legs and I feel a bit of my control fall away.
"I love you."
Muscles tense under the path of my gaze and I let out a small gasp when I find his cock standing at attention. It jerks slightly under my stare and my eyes shoot up to his in surprise. Dimitri's eyes are so dark they're black and his breathing has deepened and is coming faster. He takes his turn to run his eyes over me and I feel every bit of it. My skin feels burnt under the scorch of his gaze as he takes in my loose v-neck and lack of bra, to my bare legs and lacy boycut panties. My stomach clenches painfully and I feel my legs rub together to ease the tension between them. After all this time of successfully avoiding him…I'm being punished.
"Punished?" Dimitri's tone sounds amused and I don't reply.
I watch frozen as he moves towards me slowly, but steadily. The bathroom feels like it's heating up and I feel my resolve to stay away from him crumbling slightly. My heart feels like it's trying to beat out of my chest and I try to focus on anything, but him…it's not working. He's now in front of me and his hands cup my face before moving to tangle themselves in my hair. His body brushes against mine and my skin lights on fire. I watch with heavy lids and feeling dazed as he leans down to brush his lips against mine just barely and I feel them tingle. Want surges through me and I feel like my limbs are made of lead.
"Do you think you're being punished Rose?" His voice sounds strained and husky at the same time and his breath fans over my face. My head spins.
"I must be." I sigh.
"I love you."
I know that you probably want to beat me with a hammer, but I pinky promise I will update the next chapter before I go to work…if you leave me lots of wonderful reviews . Let me know how you feel about the pace. Did the chapter move too fast? Did it jump around too much? Did you like it? Let me know. You're thoughts and feelings give me strength and inspiration to write fast and let me tell you that we're so close to this story getting REALLY FREAKING GOOD!